I CAN'T HEARYOU.
AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN.
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS
♪ READY?
♪ SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS
MMM...
AHH...
MWAH.
I KNOW I'VE SAID THIS 90 TIMES ALREADY BUT...
WHOO.
I KNOW I SHOULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN OUT OF BED TODAY.
HELLO...
AND WELCOME ONE AND ALL YOUR MONEY TO YE OLD KRUSTY KRABBY.
COME ALONG, SISTERS.
PAY NOT MIND TO THIS CRIMSON ABOMINATION.
AHH...
GREETINGS.
ALTHOUGH YOUR ESTABLISHMENT SEEMS REPUGNANT
AND FOUL IN NATURE
IT SEEMS NOT TO OFFEND OUR SENSITIVITIES.
IT IS FOR THAT REASON PLUS THE FACT THAT
WE HAVE BEEN STUCK ON A TOUR BUS FOR SEVERAL DAYS
THAT MY SISTERS AND I WOULD LIKE TO EAT SOMETHING HERE.
OK, BUT FIRST LET ME CALL THE MORTICIAN
AND TELL HIM HIS UNIFORM'S BEEN STOLEN.
CLOTHING ZINGER.
SQUIDWARD, THESE WRETCHED HAGS...
UH... LOVELY LADIES
ARE OBVIOUSLY HERE TO EAT.
SO LET'S SELL 'EM...
UH, I MEAN, SERVE THEM SOME DELICIOUS KRABBY PATTIES.
WELL, MR. UH...
KRABS, M'LADY.
MR. "GRABS".
YOU SEEM TO KNOW THE BASIC RULES
OF BEHAVING LIKE A CIVILIZED BOTTOM FEEDER.
PERHAPS YOUR RESTAURANT ISN'T QUITE
THE HIVE OF DEGENERATES IT APPEARS TO BE
AND WE HAD YOU FIGURED ALL WRONG.
COURSE YOU DID.
AS YOU'RE ABOUT TO FIND OUT.
SPONGEBOB?
AHH...
SSS...
LOOK AT THIS WILD HOOLIGAN
RUNNING AMOK.
SINGING, DANCING.
IT'S... IT'S SHAMELESS AND DISGUSTING.
AVERT YOUR EYES.
YOUNG MAN...
WHAT HAS CAUSED YOU TO ACT LIKE THIS?
I MUST KNOW.
ACTUALLY MA'AM...
WAS THE ABSOLUTE FUN AND DELICIOUSNESS OF A KRABBY PATTY.
KRABBY PATTY?
YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.
WELL, ANYTHING THIS FUN AND DELICIOUS CAN'T BE GOOD.
WHY, WHAT WOULD THIS WORLD BE
IF EVERYONE CAVORTED IN SUCH A MANNER?
WHO ARE YOU WITH YOUR TIGHT LIPS
RAISED EYEBROWS AND CONSERVATIVE CLOTHES?
I AM MISS GRETEL PUSS.
WE ARE THE UNITED ORGANIZATION OF FISH
AGAINST THINGS THAT ARE FUN AND DELICIOUS.
OR TU-O-FATTAFAD FOR SHORT.
AND WE ARE GOING TO BAN THESE SO-CALLED KRABBY PATTIES
AND CLOSE YOUR RESTAURANT FOREVER.
WHAT THE...
MISS "GRISTLE" PUSS?
MAYBE IF YOU WERE TO TASTE THE KRABBY PATTY FOR YOURSELF
YOU TWO COULD EXPERIENCE THE AWESOME PLEASURE.
I WOULD SOON AS SPROUT LEGS AND DO THE WATUSI.
OOH, OK.
UH, IT DON'T MATTER ANYWAY, LAD.
SHE CAN'T CLOSE US DOWN.
SHE CLOSED US DOWN.
I'M RUINED...
HOW DID IT COME TO THIS?
YOU CALLED MISS GRISTLE PUSS A DISGUSTING, OLD PRUNE
THEN YOU THREATENED HER WITH A FRENCH FRY STRAINER.
WELL, I DIDN'T KNOW HER HUSBAND WAS THE CHIEF OF POLICE.
THANKS AGAIN, AL.
ANYTIME, HONEY.
SEE YOU AT HOME FOR DINNER.
MM, I'M STARVING.
YEE-HAW.
I JUST LOVE THAT MAN.
HOW LONG HAS HE BEEN STANDING OVER THERE?
UM... FOUR DAYS.
IT'S NO USE.
I'M RUINED...
YOU KNOW, IT'S TOO BAD.
THE ONLY WAY TO MAKE KRABBY PATTIES AGAIN
WOULD BE IF YOU OPENED A PLACE THAT DIDN'T LOOK LIKE A RESTAURANT
AND DID IT SECRETLY.
THAT'S IT.
A SECRET KRUSTY KRAB.
AND I KNOW JUST WHERE TO OPEN IT.
THERE YOU ARE, BETSY, GOOD AS NEW.
MMM...
MR. KRABS? AH!
WHOA, SORRY.
I WAS JUST WONDERING...
YOU KNOW, LAD, I CAN REMEMBER A TIME
WHEN PEOPLE USED TO KNOCK BEFORE ENTERING SOMEONE ELSE'S HOME.
YEAH, BUT THIS IS MY HOME.
OH, YEAH.
HEY, GUYS.
HEY, PATRICK.
THANKS FOR HELPING OUT TODAY.
YOU BET.
WHERE'D YOU WANT THESE EXTRAS BUNS?
PATRICK, THAT BAG IS TOTALLY EMPTY.
OOPS.
HAPPY DAY, KAREN.
THAT FOOL, KRABS, CHANGED THE NAME OF HIS RESTAURANT
TO "THE CLOSED KRAB".
EVERYONE WILL THINK IT'S CLOSED
AND COME EAT HERE INSTEAD.
HE'LL BE RUINED BY TOMORROW.
HEH-HEH, WHAT AN IDIOT.
It is closed.
WHAT?
Miss Gristle Puss and her husband
banned Krabby Patties for being fun and delicious.
BANNED?
THEN THAT MEANS
MY DAY OF RECKONING HAS COME AT LAST.
I'VE WON, I TELL YOU, I'VE WON.
AND WHAT BETTER WAY THAN BY DEFAULT.
Where are you going?
OH, OUT TO CELEBRATE.
DON'T WAIT UP FOR ME.
QUIT SHOVING.
I WASN'T SHOVING.
I WAS JUST GOING LIKE THAT
AND YOU HAPPENED TO BE STANDING THERE.
THAT'S CALLED SHOVING.
NO, IT ISN'T.
YES, IT IS.
NOPE. YES.
NOPE. EXCUSE ME, GENTS...
BUT WHAT'S WITH ALL THE HULLABALOO?
WE'RE JUST WAITIN' IN LINE TO BUY A KRABBY PATTY.
KRABBY PATTY?
THANK YOU.
COME AGAIN.
CAN I HELP WHOEVER IS NEXT, PLEASE?
WHAT'S THE PASSWORD, PLEASE?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT
YOU GARGANTUAN BUFFOON?
THAT'S IT.
COME RIGHT IN.
CURSE YOU.
MEOW.
SO WOULD YOU LIKE TO "SECRET" SIZE THAT FOR $2 MORE?
OF COURSE.
HEY, "SQUIDWART"?
YOU HAVEN'T SEEN ANY SIGN OF THE... YOU KNOW...
THE COPS, HAVE YOU?
DID YOU JUST CALL ME "SQUIDWART"?
OK, THANKS, I'M GONNA GO SEE HOW SPONGEBOB'S DOING.
HEY, SPONGEBOB...
SPONGEBOB?
OHH... SPONGEBOB?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING UNDER THE TABLE?
IF KRABBY PATTIES ARE ILLEGAL NOW
AREN'T WE BREAKING THE LAW?
THERE'S AN OLD SAYING, LAD.
WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU
USUALLY SUCCEEDS IN THE SECOND ATTEMPT.
BUT WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH MAKING KRABBY PATTIES?
NOTHING, BUT IF YOU DON'T GET OUT THERE AND START COOKING
I'LL MAKE YOU START TAKING WEEKENDS OFF.
NO!
SO MR. KRABS IS OPERATING
UNDER THE TABLE, HUH?
WELL, TWO CAN PLAY AT THAT GAME.
BEING A RUTHLESS MASTERMIND SURE TAKES A LOT OUT OF YOU.
Hello, this is Officer Al, Chief of Police
COPS, I NEED YOU.
THERE.
WHAT'S THE PASS...
NOPE, THAT'S NOT IT.
YOU MISSED ONE.
OH, MISS GRISTLE PUSS.
I'M SORRY WE SOLD KRABBY PATTIES
BUT DO YOU REALLY HAVE TO SEND US TO JAIL?
OF COURSE, I DO.
YOU ARE A NUISANCE TO MY COMMUNITY.
YOU TELL 'EM, HONEY.
HA... THAT'S MY GIRL.
AL.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
HAVING SOME LUNCH.
UNHAND THAT SANDWICH AT ONCE.
MISS GRISTLE PUSS, LOOK OUT.
WHAT?
YOUR SHOE'S UNTIED.
IT IS?
OHH...
AHH...
REALLY NEAT, HA...
BLAH.
THAT WAS WONDERFUL.
I... I FEEL...
REBORN.
DOES THIS MEAN YOU'RE NOT SENDING US TO THE SLAMMER?
OF COURSE, MY DEAR BOY.
I AM A KINDER, GENTLER FISH
AND I OWE IT ALL TO YOU.
DON'T FORGET THE SPATULA.
DON'T PUSH IT, AL.
DARN IT.
AHH.
ONCE AGAIN, SO CLOSE AND YET SO FAR.
WHEN AM I GONNA...
OOH.
WELL, I THINK I'LL HAVE ANOTHER ONE.
OH, DEAR.
AHH!
HEY...
SOMEBODY LEFT ME A PACKAGE.
HEAVY.
I WONDER WHAT'S INSIDE?
HELLO.
WHEW... CRAMPED IN THERE.
COUSIN STANLEY.
COUSIN SPONGEBOB.
LA-LA-LA-LA...
SO WHAT BRINGS YOU TO BIKINI BOTTOM, STANLEY?
UNCLE SHERM SAID I SHOULD COME VISIT YOU.
I HAVE A NOTE FROM HIM SOMEWHERE... OH, RIGHT.
IT'S IN HERE.
HERE IT IS.
"DEAR SPONGEBOB.
I'M SENDING YOUR COUSIN STANLEY TO LIVE WITH YOU.
HE CAN'T HOLD DOWN A JOB
AND HE RUINS EVERYTHING HE TOUCHES.
I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.
MAYBE YOU CAN STRAIGHTEN HIM OUT.
LOVE, UNCLE SHERM."
WELL, YOU'RE ALWAYS WELCOME HERE STANLEY.
MY PINEAPPLE IS YOUR PINEAPPLE.
WOW, YOU'VE GOT YOUR OWN REFRIGERATOR.
I'M NOT ALLOWED NEAR THE 'FRIDGE AT UNCLE SHERM'S.
WHOA...
OH, WELL...
NOW I WON'T HAVE TO CLEAN IT OUT.
WHA-HOO-HOO-HOO.
STANLEY?
YOU OK IN THERE, STANLEY?
YOUR TOILET IS SO COOL.
IS THAT WHAT I THINK IT IS?
WELL, IT WAS BATH NIGHT.
Only $29.95.
GEE, WHEE...
UNCLE SHERM WON'T LET ME WATCH TV BACK AT HOME.
WHY NOT?
THAT'S WHY.
WHAT'S THAT?
OH, THAT'S OK.
THERE'S NOTHING GOOD ON TV ANYWAY.
NOTHING.
YOU WORK AT THE KRUSTY KRAB?
I DON'T JUST WORK THERE.
I'M VICE-ASSISTANT, GENERAL MANAGER
IN CHARGE OF CERTAIN THINGS.
THAT'S ME TURNING THE FRONT DOOR KEY.
THAT'S ME SERVING CUSTOMERS.
AND THAT'S ME PERFORMING SANITARY MAINTENANCE.
OOH, WHO'S THAT?
OH, THAT... THAT'S ME MAKING KRABBY PATTIES.
THE BEST JOB IN THE WORLD.
IT'S MY CALLING.
I WISH I HAD A CALLING.
AW, STANLEY...
YOU JUST HAVEN'T FOUND YOUR PURPOSE IN LIFE, THAT'S ALL.
YOU REALLY THINK SO?
I KNOW SO.
I'LL BET MY FRIEND, SQUIDWARD, CAN HELP YOU.
HI, SQUIDWARD.
I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET MY COUSIN STANLEY.
WE'RE RELATED.
THERE'S TWO OF THEM?
STEP ON IT.
YOUR FRIEND, SQUIDWARD, SEEMS BUSY.
NO, THAT'S OK.
I'M SURE SANDY CAN THINK OF SOMETHING.
HEY, SPONGEBOB..
WHO'S YOUR FRIEND?
THIS IS MY COUSIN, STANLEY SQUAREPANTS.
I THOUGHT YOU COULD SHOW HIM HOW TO BE A SCIENTIST.
WHY, SURE.
GLAD TO MEET YOU, PARTNER.
NICE TO MEET YOU...
UH...
UH-OH.
Y'ALL DARN IT...
UH... MAYBE YOU'RE JUST NOT SCIENTIST MATERIAL.
BUT DON'T YOU WORRY.
I'LL BET PATRICK CAN HELP YA.
HE'S A GENIUS.
AND SO MR. STAR, THAT'S WHY WE CAME TO YOU.
LOOKING FOR YOUR CALLING, HUH?
HMM...
UM-HM.
SO WHAT ARE YOU GOOD AT?
NOTHING.
NOTHING AT ALL?
YUP.
INTERESTING.
LET'S SEE HOW GOOD YOU ARE AT NOTHING.
THAT'S PERFECT.
PATRICK CAN DO NOTHING BETTER THAN ANYONE.
YOU'LL BE LEARNING FROM THE MASTER.
COME WITH ME.
FIRST SIT DOWN IN THIS CHAIR.
CLEAR YOUR MIND.
EMPTY IT OF ALL THOUGHTS
UNTIL YOU'RE DOING
ABSOLUTELY...
NOTHING.
GAH...
SEE? ISN'T HE AMAZING?
CLEAR MY MIND.
DO NOTHING.
AHH...
I CAN'T DO IT!
YOU'RE NOT WORTHY OF INSTRUCTION IN THE IMMOBILE ARTS.
LEAVE MY PRESENCE.
COULDN'T I TRY... GOOD-BYE.
NOT A WORD.
DAH...
I CAN'T EVEN DO NOTHING RIGHT.
DON'T GIVE UP STAN-O.
WE JUST NEED TO KEEP LOOKING.
OH, GENTLE HAT.
SYMBOL OF EMPLOYMENT.
CORNERSTONE OF MY ETERNAL HAPPINESS.
I DON THEE NOW IN PREPARATION FOR THIS WORK DAY.
WHOO...
YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW GOOD THIS FEELS.
NO...
HEY, WHAT'S WRONG, STANLEY?
YOU'RE NOT STILL UPSET OVER THAT WHOLE
"NEVER ACCOMPLISHED ANYTHING IN LIFE" THING, ARE YOU?
NO... .
GOOD, THEN WHY DON'T YOU COME WITH ME TO WORK.
MAYBE SEEING ME TOTALLY FULFILLED WILL CHEER YOUUP.
THERE'S ME LITTLE MONEY MAKER.
MM, MM, MM...
ARE YOU GONNA MAKE ME LOTS OF MONEY TODAY?
YES, SIR.
OOH, WHAT'D I GIVE IF ONLY THERE WERE TWO OF...
WHAT?
ONE, TWO?
THERE'S TWO?
HE LOOKS LIKE YA.
HE SMELLS LIKE YA.
HE TASTES LIKE YA.
IS HE A HARD WORKER JUST LIKE YOU?
UM...
DUH... EH...
WELL, IS HE?
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE.
YES, SIR.
YOU GOT THE JOB.
YOUR JOB IS TO TAKE PEOPLE'S MONEY
AND PUT IT IN HERE.
WHOA, CAN I TOUCH IT?
MONEY?
BURNING?
SPONGEBOB, WHO'S RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS?
I...
GUESS I AM, MR. KRABS.
YOU'RE ON PROBATION, BOY.
WELL, STANLEY, THANKS TO YOU
I'M ON PROBATION.
IF YOU WANNA KEEP THIS JOB
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO...
OOH...
CUSTOMER AT THE PORT BOW.
MAN YOUR STATIONS.
READY FOR DUTY.
MY FIRST CUSTOMER.
HI, I'M STANLEY.
WHOA... THIS IS SOEXCITING.
HUH, I'D LIKE A...
WAIT-WAIT, WAIT-WAIT, HOLD ON.
I DON'T EVER WANNA FORGET THIS MOMENT.
THAT'S GONNA BE A KEEPER.
NOW LET'S DO ONE WITH FUNNY HATS.
OOH, YEAH, LET'S PRETEND WE'RE MAD AT EACH OTHER.
I CAN'T WAIT TO GET THESE DEVELOPED.
I SAID I'M READY, STANLEY.
SPONGEBOB, WHAT'S THE MEANING OF THIS?
YOUR STATION LOOKS HORRIBLE.
TAKE SOME PRIDE IN YOUR WORK, BOY.
LOOK AT YOUR COUSIN, STANLEY, FOR EXAMPLE.
SPIFFIN' UP HIS WORK SPACE
WITH MEANINGFUL PHOTOS OF THE CUSTOMERS.
UM... SIR?
YES, BOY?
ABOUT MY COUSIN STANLEY.
YES, YES, THE ONE I HIRED ENTIRELY ON YOUR RECOMMENDATION.
HURRY IT UP, BOY.
UH, WELL... ACTUALLY, SIR?
ABOUT THOSE THINGS I SAID?
WHAT?
YOU DIDN'T LIE TO ME
JUST TO HELP YOUR COUSIN GET THE JOB, DID YOU?
NO.
WELL, GOOD...
BECAUSE THERE WERE PLENTY OF OTHER RELATIVES
THAT GOT PASSED OVER FOR THE JOB.
AYE, 'TIS TRUE.
WHATEVER.
I EVEN TURNED DOWN ME OWN THREE ADORABLE NEPHEWS.
BUT UNCLE KRABS.
THEY SOLVE MYSTERIES.
NOW GO SOLVE THE MYSTERY OF WHY YOU DIDN'T GET THE JOB.
STANLEY...
I CANNOT KEEP COVERING FOR... YOU!
NO...
NOT MY SPATULA.
MY SPATULA.
THE THING I HOLD NEAREST AND DEAREST TO MY HEART.
SPONGEBOB, WHAT IN THE NAME OF NEPTUNE HAS GOT...
OH, YOU BROKE YOUR SPATULA.
THAT'S A SHAME.
I'LL ORDER ANOTHER ONE TOMORROW, BOY.
NO, NO, NO!
IDIDN'T BREAK MY SPATULA.
HEDID.
AND I ALSO DIDN'T BURN YOUR MONEY.
HE DID THAT, TOO.
I HAVE BEEN COVERING FOR HIM
BECAUSE HE CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT!
HE'S RIGHT.
I RUIN EVERYTHING I TOUCH.
WAIT A MINUTE.
I KNOW THE PERFECT JOB FOR YOU.
GOOD LUCK AT YOUR NEW JOB TODAY, COUSIN STANLEY.
THANKS.
I'LL BET I'M EVEN BETTER AT THIS ONE.
GOOD MORNING, MR. SQUAREPANTS.
MORNING, BOSS.
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
THAT FOOL KRABS, LETTING THE BLOOD RELATIVE
OF HIS BEST WORKER...
WELL, THAT'S THE END OF ME.
SORRY, BOSS.
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