1
00:00:15,109 --> 00:00:17,361
Shady Shoals,
mild-mannered rest home

2
00:00:17,402 --> 00:00:19,655
and secret headquarters
of Mermaid Man,

3
00:00:19,697 --> 00:00:23,075
master of maritime justice
and defender of Bikini Bottom.

4
00:00:23,117 --> 00:00:25,202
Semi-retired.

5
00:00:25,243 --> 00:00:27,663
And his faithful ward,
Barnacle Boy.

6
00:00:27,705 --> 00:00:29,247
- Who?
- Hello.

7
00:00:29,289 --> 00:00:31,375
Today, we find
this duo of dynamism

8
00:00:31,416 --> 00:00:34,419
engaged in their favorite
pastime, watching TV.

9
00:00:39,257 --> 00:00:40,968
But wait, what's this?

10
00:00:41,010 --> 00:00:43,888
Why, it's Mermaid Man and
Barnacle Boy's biggest fans,

11
00:00:43,929 --> 00:00:46,182
SpongeBob SquarePants
and Patrick Star.

12
00:00:46,222 --> 00:00:48,224
Don't they look peaceful?

13
00:00:48,266 --> 00:00:49,393
Yeah.

14
00:00:49,434 --> 00:00:51,353
Wake up!

15
00:00:53,438 --> 00:00:55,357
I'll deal with
these super-villains

16
00:00:55,399 --> 00:00:58,736
with my trusty mermarang!

17
00:00:58,777 --> 00:01:02,156
Hey, those aren't
super-villains.

18
00:01:02,198 --> 00:01:04,158
Hi, Mermaid... ow.

19
00:01:05,659 --> 00:01:08,704
I can't believe Mermaid Man
hit me with his mermarang.

20
00:01:09,621 --> 00:01:13,167
- It's so awesome.
- Wow. Can you beat me up next?

21
00:01:13,209 --> 00:01:15,293
Keep on your guard,
Barnacle Boy.

22
00:01:15,335 --> 00:01:17,504
They're getting ready
for another attack!

23
00:01:17,546 --> 00:01:19,673
Those aren't super-villains.

24
00:01:19,715 --> 00:01:23,343
It's just that kid, uh,
SpongeBob, and his goofy friend.

25
00:01:23,385 --> 00:01:25,804
Hey, kid, can you give us
our mermarang back?

26
00:01:25,846 --> 00:01:27,098
We only got the one.

27
00:01:27,139 --> 00:01:29,850
- Sure thing.
- Oh, don't throw...

28
00:01:30,642 --> 00:01:33,729
- Hey, it came back.
- Yeah, it does that.

29
00:01:33,771 --> 00:01:36,565
- I'll try again.
- No...

30
00:01:37,357 --> 00:01:39,985
Look, I'll just come and get—

31
00:01:40,027 --> 00:01:41,486
What is wrong with you?

32
00:01:41,528 --> 00:01:44,115
- Nice shot.

33
00:01:44,156 --> 00:01:46,658
Wow, that mermarang
really likes you.

34
00:01:46,700 --> 00:01:47,785
I know.

35
00:01:47,826 --> 00:01:49,954
Now, just hand me
the mermarang, son.

36
00:01:49,995 --> 00:01:52,123
- I've got it!

37
00:01:53,082 --> 00:01:55,751
Runaway mermarang!

38
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Ow.

39
00:02:25,156 --> 00:02:28,366
Hi. How you feeling?

40
00:02:29,701 --> 00:02:32,788
- Would you get off of me?
- OK.

41
00:02:32,830 --> 00:02:36,083
What are you two
doing here, anyway?

42
00:02:36,125 --> 00:02:37,501
Oh, I almost forgot.

43
00:02:39,461 --> 00:02:40,796
I brought you flowers.

44
00:02:40,838 --> 00:02:42,881
Since you two
are feeling so poorly.

45
00:02:42,923 --> 00:02:45,509
You never brought me flowers.

46
00:02:45,550 --> 00:02:47,845
Patrick, go home
and check your mailbox.

47
00:02:47,886 --> 00:02:49,221
Really?

48
00:02:49,263 --> 00:02:52,432
- The merma-phone.

49
00:02:52,474 --> 00:02:54,226
- Mermaid Man, here.

50
00:02:56,228 --> 00:02:57,855
Mermaid Man here.

51
00:02:57,896 --> 00:03:01,150
Ah, Commissioner,
what can I do for you?

52
00:03:03,777 --> 00:03:06,404
You can count on Mermaid Man,
Commissioner.

53
00:03:06,446 --> 00:03:07,990
It's for you.

54
00:03:08,032 --> 00:03:09,741
Barnacle Boy here.

55
00:03:09,783 --> 00:03:12,203
- Yes, but...

56
00:03:12,244 --> 00:03:13,829
- Yes.

57
00:03:13,871 --> 00:03:17,333
- Yes, Commissioner, but, uh...

58
00:03:17,374 --> 00:03:20,711
The police commissioner needs us
to be celebrity contestants

59
00:03:20,752 --> 00:03:23,881
at the Bikini Bottom
shuffleboarding competition.

60
00:03:23,922 --> 00:03:26,466
But there's no way we can do it
in this condition.

61
00:03:26,508 --> 00:03:30,637
What kind of quitter talk
is that? We're superheroes.

62
00:03:30,679 --> 00:03:33,557
We're going to that
shuffleboarding competition,

63
00:03:33,598 --> 00:03:35,142
or my name isn't...

64
00:03:35,184 --> 00:03:37,019
- Ow!

65
00:03:37,061 --> 00:03:39,188
You're right, Barnacle Boy.

66
00:03:39,230 --> 00:03:42,149
If only there were someone
to take our place...

67
00:03:43,692 --> 00:03:45,443
Patrick and I could do it,
Mermaid Man!

68
00:03:45,485 --> 00:03:47,487
What?
Why should we trust you two?

69
00:03:47,529 --> 00:03:50,824
Because we're card-carrying
members of the fan club.

70
00:03:50,866 --> 00:03:53,160
- So?
- We're also certified

71
00:03:53,202 --> 00:03:55,120
Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy
impersonators.

72
00:03:55,162 --> 00:03:56,663
Certified.

73
00:03:56,705 --> 00:03:59,666
You can't argue
with certification.

74
00:03:59,708 --> 00:04:03,962
Oh, all right. I suppose
they can't do too much damage.

75
00:04:04,004 --> 00:04:07,007
- It's just shuffleboard—

76
00:04:12,429 --> 00:04:16,808
- Would you cut it out?
- Heroes, heroes, he... roes?

77
00:04:16,850 --> 00:04:19,395
Now listen up.
Here, take these rings.

78
00:04:20,396 --> 00:04:22,398
Oh...

79
00:04:22,439 --> 00:04:23,774
And when you touch 'em together,

80
00:04:23,815 --> 00:04:27,069
you'll be instantly transformed
into our duplicates.

81
00:04:28,946 --> 00:04:32,283
Mermaid Man
and Barnacle Boy, unite!

82
00:04:33,284 --> 00:04:36,787
- We're ready. Man-Bob...
- And Pat-Boy...

83
00:04:36,828 --> 00:04:38,747
Reporting for duty.

84
00:04:38,789 --> 00:04:40,540
When you're through
with shuffleboarding,

85
00:04:40,582 --> 00:04:43,127
you're to bring those costumes
right back here.

86
00:04:43,168 --> 00:04:45,754
And don't do anything else.

87
00:04:45,796 --> 00:04:48,132
Don't go home first,
don't show your friends,

88
00:04:48,173 --> 00:04:50,384
just come right back here,
you got it?

89
00:04:50,426 --> 00:04:51,760
- Got it.
- Got what?

90
00:04:51,802 --> 00:04:54,512
- This'll never work.
- What will never work?

91
00:04:55,597 --> 00:04:58,058
Shuffleboarding,
shuffleboarding!

92
00:05:00,227 --> 00:05:02,771
Shuffleboarding is exciting,
huh, Patrick?

93
00:05:02,813 --> 00:05:04,064
Well, duh.

94
00:05:04,106 --> 00:05:06,108
What's your favorite thing
about shuffleboarding?

95
00:05:06,150 --> 00:05:09,903
Everything. It's even fun
just to say the word.

96
00:05:10,695 --> 00:05:13,657
Shuffleboard.

97
00:05:13,698 --> 00:05:17,328
Shu-u-uffle-le-leboard...

98
00:05:17,369 --> 00:05:18,912
Ah, it is fun.

99
00:05:18,954 --> 00:05:22,707
We're gonna seriously
kick some elderly buns today.

100
00:05:22,749 --> 00:05:25,377
- Huh, SpongeBob?
- What?

101
00:05:25,419 --> 00:05:28,088
Out of the way, Gramps.

102
00:05:28,130 --> 00:05:31,425
That's my trophy, old lady.

103
00:05:31,467 --> 00:05:32,968
Patrick?

104
00:05:33,010 --> 00:05:35,179
It's gonna be an action-packed
thrill ride

105
00:05:35,220 --> 00:05:37,931
of geriatric proportions!

106
00:05:37,973 --> 00:05:39,308
And the best part is,

107
00:05:39,350 --> 00:05:43,187
there is no way we can lose
with these costumes on.

108
00:05:43,228 --> 00:05:46,898
- We already won the tournament.
- Oh, yeah, I forgot.

109
00:05:48,150 --> 00:05:50,110
Well, how come
I didn't get a trophy?

110
00:05:50,152 --> 00:05:52,154
You did,
it's in your back pocket.

111
00:05:53,364 --> 00:05:55,657
Oh, yeah, I forgot.

112
00:05:55,699 --> 00:05:57,993
- Let's go do something else.
- OK.

113
00:05:58,827 --> 00:06:01,997
You're to bring
those costumes right back here.

114
00:06:02,039 --> 00:06:05,376
Don't do anything else.

115
00:06:05,417 --> 00:06:08,879
Patrick, stop!

116
00:06:10,339 --> 00:06:13,133
We can't. We have to
get the costumes back.

117
00:06:13,175 --> 00:06:15,886
For Neptune's sake, SpongeBob.

118
00:06:15,927 --> 00:06:19,014
If we're not gonna
go around town

119
00:06:19,056 --> 00:06:23,143
pretending to be Mermaid Man
and Barnacle Boy, then who is?

120
00:06:23,185 --> 00:06:24,311
Nobody?

121
00:06:24,353 --> 00:06:27,856
Exactly. And with no-one
patrolling the town,

122
00:06:27,898 --> 00:06:30,942
who's gonna stop those
youngsters from loitering?

123
00:06:33,778 --> 00:06:35,906
- Their mommies?
- No, we are.

124
00:06:35,947 --> 00:06:39,159
- Let's take 'em to the slammer.
- Patrick!

125
00:06:39,201 --> 00:06:41,870
Don't you think
that's too harsh?

126
00:06:41,912 --> 00:06:43,080
"Too harsh"?

127
00:06:45,916 --> 00:06:47,876
Explain.

128
00:06:47,918 --> 00:06:50,670
Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy?

129
00:06:50,712 --> 00:06:53,549
What are you doing here? Ugh.

130
00:06:59,012 --> 00:07:01,056
Wasting a Krabby Patty?

131
00:07:03,016 --> 00:07:04,393
How could you?

132
00:07:05,310 --> 00:07:06,895
I'm full.

133
00:07:09,814 --> 00:07:12,109
Well, maybe somebody
should've thought about that

134
00:07:12,150 --> 00:07:14,570
before they ponied up
for the world's greatest patty,

135
00:07:14,611 --> 00:07:16,863
Mr. Jail Warden.

136
00:07:19,408 --> 00:07:21,701
You're right, Pat-Boy,
this town needs us.

137
00:07:26,457 --> 00:07:27,832
You're chewing too loud.

138
00:07:27,874 --> 00:07:29,460
Ow.

139
00:07:31,420 --> 00:07:33,838
- Your shoe's untied.

140
00:07:35,173 --> 00:07:36,383
You're too old.

141
00:07:45,892 --> 00:07:47,727
I think we've done our work,
Patrick.

142
00:07:47,769 --> 00:07:49,646
Now, let's return
these costumes.

143
00:07:54,276 --> 00:07:56,736
That's the evil Man-Ray.

144
00:07:59,823 --> 00:08:02,200
What diabolical plan
could he be up to?

145
00:08:02,242 --> 00:08:04,620
Why, hello, Ray.

146
00:08:04,661 --> 00:08:08,248
Mabel, I haven't seen you
since high school.

147
00:08:08,290 --> 00:08:11,126
Look at him.
Plotting with his evil minion.

148
00:08:11,168 --> 00:08:14,879
Say, could I borrow
some of your detergent?

149
00:08:14,921 --> 00:08:16,340
Why, certainly.

150
00:08:16,381 --> 00:08:19,009
Anything for the gal
I went to the prom with.

151
00:08:19,050 --> 00:08:21,052
I'll bet he's handing off
some secret weapon.

152
00:08:21,094 --> 00:08:25,140
- Time to crash this party.
- You haven't aged a day, Ray.

153
00:08:25,182 --> 00:08:27,142
Oh, you.

154
00:08:27,184 --> 00:08:29,978
Hello, Man-Ray.
Who's your friend?

155
00:08:30,020 --> 00:08:32,606
Hey, Mermaid Man
and Barnacle Boy.

156
00:08:32,648 --> 00:08:34,941
I'd like you to meet Mabel.

157
00:08:34,983 --> 00:08:37,944
Any friend of Ray's
is a friend of mine.

158
00:08:37,986 --> 00:08:40,071
All right, Mabel,
that's enough chit-chat.

159
00:08:40,113 --> 00:08:41,281
Are you gonna come quietly,

160
00:08:41,323 --> 00:08:43,074
or will we have to
take you to jail by force?

161
00:08:44,284 --> 00:08:45,827
Playing dumb, eh?

162
00:08:45,869 --> 00:08:49,498
You handle Man-Ray.
I'll take care of his lackey.

163
00:08:49,540 --> 00:08:51,708
- Mabel?

164
00:08:51,749 --> 00:08:55,045
Hai-yah!
Eat dryer sheets, Man-Ray.

165
00:08:57,714 --> 00:09:02,260
Oh, it's on, now.
Filthy shorts attack!

166
00:09:04,137 --> 00:09:07,349
- Clothes basket bombardment!

167
00:09:12,729 --> 00:09:16,274
Surrender... Mermaid Man?

168
00:09:16,316 --> 00:09:18,860
Ow, that's it.

169
00:09:18,902 --> 00:09:21,946
Time for the spin cycle.

170
00:09:27,369 --> 00:09:29,787
Not so fast, Man-Ray.

171
00:09:30,788 --> 00:09:31,915
Wha...?

172
00:09:33,625 --> 00:09:36,670
You're all wet.
You need to dry out.

173
00:09:36,712 --> 00:09:41,132
What? No, my head
is dry clean only...

174
00:09:41,966 --> 00:09:44,344
But I didn't do anything!

175
00:09:44,386 --> 00:09:47,347
- Just keep moving.
- You too, missy.

176
00:09:49,974 --> 00:09:51,768
Well, our work is done here.

177
00:10:02,487 --> 00:10:05,907
- My legs, my legs...

178
00:10:05,949 --> 00:10:08,826
- Dr. Forrest, dial one...
- Good job, boys.

179
00:10:08,868 --> 00:10:12,581
You won the tournament,
and returned the costumes.

180
00:10:20,922 --> 00:10:23,049
Thanks again, boys.

181
00:10:23,091 --> 00:10:26,553
- Just doing our merma-duty.
- And then some.

182
00:10:26,595 --> 00:10:28,804
"And then some," that's good.

183
00:10:28,846 --> 00:10:30,724
Good-bye, young men.

184
00:10:30,766 --> 00:10:33,851
Oh, look, we have more visitors.

185
00:10:35,646 --> 00:10:37,773
Looking good, Man-Ray.

186
00:10:42,736 --> 00:10:45,572
Faster, you old coot.

187
00:10:50,368 --> 00:10:52,036
They have so many fans.

188
00:11:11,389 --> 00:11:14,643
Thank you. Thank you.

189
00:11:16,144 --> 00:11:18,605
Ah.

190
00:11:18,647 --> 00:11:21,399
- Isn't it grand?
- What is?

191
00:11:21,441 --> 00:11:23,151
He's such a great musician.

192
00:11:23,193 --> 00:11:26,279
He doesn't even have to touch
an instrument to be brilliant!

193
00:11:29,741 --> 00:11:32,828
All right, I've had enough.

194
00:11:32,868 --> 00:11:34,496
Bunch of nonsense.

195
00:11:34,538 --> 00:11:36,998
Why, here he comes now.

196
00:11:37,040 --> 00:11:41,002
- It is him.
- Huh?

197
00:11:41,044 --> 00:11:45,215
Aren't you the esteemed
Squilliam Fancyson the third,

198
00:11:45,256 --> 00:11:48,218
who we all came here
to see perform tonight?

199
00:11:48,259 --> 00:11:51,596
No, I am not.
Nor would I ever want to be.

200
00:11:51,638 --> 00:11:55,099
I am quite content being
Squidward Q. Tentacles.

201
00:11:55,141 --> 00:11:59,396
- Oh, dear. Well, that's too bad.
- Why?

202
00:11:59,437 --> 00:12:02,023
Because I'm head matron

203
00:12:02,065 --> 00:12:04,818
at an esteemed musical college
in town,

204
00:12:04,860 --> 00:12:08,196
and thought if you were
Squilliam Fancyson,

205
00:12:08,238 --> 00:12:10,699
I would offer you
the high-paying

206
00:12:10,741 --> 00:12:12,784
and prestigious opportunity

207
00:12:12,826 --> 00:12:16,496
to come there and teach
your very own music class.

208
00:12:16,538 --> 00:12:20,792
My very own music class?

209
00:12:20,834 --> 00:12:23,253
Did you say,
"Squilliam Fancyson"?

210
00:12:23,294 --> 00:12:25,296
- Yes.
- I'm...

211
00:12:26,172 --> 00:12:28,675
Squilliam Fancyson.

212
00:12:28,717 --> 00:12:30,802
But didn't you
just say a minute ago

213
00:12:30,844 --> 00:12:33,722
that your name was
Squidward Q. Tentacles?

214
00:12:33,764 --> 00:12:35,891
It is. No, I mean,
uh, no, no, I didn't.

215
00:12:35,931 --> 00:12:38,602
Well, that's a relief.
I mean, what kind of a moron

216
00:12:38,643 --> 00:12:41,396
would go to their
worst enemy's music recital?

217
00:12:41,438 --> 00:12:43,939
A very pathetic one,
that's whom.

218
00:12:43,981 --> 00:12:45,358
Indeed.

219
00:12:52,532 --> 00:12:53,617
Oh.

220
00:12:53,658 --> 00:12:56,745
Well, good evening,
Professor Squilliam.

221
00:12:56,787 --> 00:13:02,166
Who? Uh, um, uh, and a good
evening to you, as well.

222
00:13:02,208 --> 00:13:04,669
Hmm, music types.

223
00:13:04,711 --> 00:13:07,422
Oh, they're so strange.

224
00:13:19,183 --> 00:13:22,353
Good evening, students.

225
00:13:22,395 --> 00:13:26,566
- Now our first...
- Good evening, Professor.

226
00:13:28,192 --> 00:13:30,236
As I was saying...

227
00:13:30,278 --> 00:13:32,196
Our first...

228
00:13:32,238 --> 00:13:33,490
Yes.

229
00:13:33,531 --> 00:13:35,408
Aren't you gonna write
your name on the board

230
00:13:35,450 --> 00:13:37,285
like most professors do?

231
00:13:37,327 --> 00:13:39,579
My... my name? What for?

232
00:13:39,621 --> 00:13:41,665
Well, you know,
it just seems like

233
00:13:41,706 --> 00:13:43,959
teachers usually write
their names on the board

234
00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:45,794
the first day of class.

235
00:13:45,836 --> 00:13:49,965
Why don't you come
write your name on the board?

236
00:13:50,006 --> 00:13:51,800
We'll see how you like it.

237
00:13:51,842 --> 00:13:54,719
Ok.

238
00:14:01,559 --> 00:14:06,230
There, now how does that feel,
"Billy"?

239
00:14:06,272 --> 00:14:08,274
OK, I, I guess.

240
00:14:08,316 --> 00:14:11,235
Good. Now, why don't you
take your seat,

241
00:14:11,277 --> 00:14:15,114
and stop poking your nose
into other people's business?

242
00:14:18,368 --> 00:14:20,954
Now, if we can go
for five minutes

243
00:14:20,996 --> 00:14:23,665
without having
any further interruptions,

244
00:14:23,707 --> 00:14:25,000
I would like to...

245
00:14:25,041 --> 00:14:28,169
Hey, look, it's Squid—

246
00:14:28,211 --> 00:14:32,256
Uh, "Squilliam," everybody,
he was about to say "Squilliam."

247
00:14:32,298 --> 00:14:36,427
Oh, uh, oh, actually, I think
he was about to say "Squid—"

248
00:14:36,469 --> 00:14:39,222
Didn't you two nincompoops know

249
00:14:39,263 --> 00:14:43,267
I had my name legally changed
to "Squilliam Fancyson"?

250
00:14:43,309 --> 00:14:47,146
And you are to refer to me
only as Professor Squilliam

251
00:14:47,188 --> 00:14:49,357
from now until the end of time.

252
00:14:49,399 --> 00:14:52,276
Now blink twice,
so I know you understand.

253
00:14:55,030 --> 00:14:58,616
OK, good.
Hey, he blinked three times.

254
00:14:58,658 --> 00:15:01,118
Wow, only eight minutes in,

255
00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:03,329
and we've already been given
a math quiz.

256
00:15:03,371 --> 00:15:05,749
Very advanced music class,
huh, Patrick?

257
00:15:05,790 --> 00:15:07,166
I'll say.

258
00:15:07,208 --> 00:15:09,627
Would you two numbskulls
mind telling me

259
00:15:09,669 --> 00:15:11,880
what you're doing
in music class, anyway?

260
00:15:11,922 --> 00:15:15,633
Sure. Patrick's resolution was
to learn to play an instrument.

261
00:15:15,675 --> 00:15:18,219
You told me your resolution
was to sign up for

262
00:15:18,261 --> 00:15:20,388
an all-natural,
slimming, toning,

263
00:15:20,430 --> 00:15:22,849
and increased muscle mass
program.

264
00:15:22,891 --> 00:15:25,936
It was. I traded with SpongeBob.

265
00:15:25,977 --> 00:15:30,023
And I have been really happy
with the results, see?

266
00:15:30,065 --> 00:15:32,859
Wow, those are
impressive results.

267
00:15:34,569 --> 00:15:38,698
As you may not
be aware, music is a...

268
00:15:40,366 --> 00:15:42,452
- Music is a...

269
00:15:44,662 --> 00:15:47,958
- Is a complicated series of...

270
00:15:50,501 --> 00:15:52,754
Is a complicated series
of notes that...

271
00:15:55,298 --> 00:15:56,967
SpongeBob, do you mind?

272
00:15:57,008 --> 00:15:59,803
There are other people here
besides you, you know.

273
00:15:59,844 --> 00:16:05,058
I don't think they appreciate
you depriving them of my wisdom.

274
00:16:05,100 --> 00:16:09,228
I'm sorry,
"Professor Squilliam."

275
00:16:11,439 --> 00:16:13,691
Patrick here keeps
tickling my foot.

276
00:16:14,776 --> 00:16:18,613
No way, he's making that up.
It was him.

277
00:16:18,655 --> 00:16:21,908
You expect me to believe
he was tickling himself?

278
00:16:21,950 --> 00:16:23,994
You better tell him, SpongeBob.

279
00:16:24,035 --> 00:16:25,620
All right, it was me.

280
00:16:25,662 --> 00:16:28,205
- You were tickling yourself.
- Mm-hmm.

281
00:16:28,247 --> 00:16:29,707
- How?
- Like this.

282
00:16:35,463 --> 00:16:38,091
All right, that's enough!

283
00:16:43,763 --> 00:16:48,685
There. Now, as I was saying,
music is a series of complex...

284
00:16:50,895 --> 00:16:53,857
SpongeBob, I told you
to stop tickling yourself.

285
00:16:53,898 --> 00:16:57,443
Actually, that time...
it really was me.

286
00:16:59,696 --> 00:17:03,116
Now I'm going to put some notes
on the chalkboard.

287
00:17:09,413 --> 00:17:12,249
Excuse me? Is this something
you'd like to share

288
00:17:12,291 --> 00:17:13,835
with the rest of the class?

289
00:17:14,669 --> 00:17:15,753
Uh-uh.

290
00:17:15,795 --> 00:17:18,464
Go on, you've already
interrupted once.

291
00:17:18,506 --> 00:17:22,426
You might as well tell us
what was so very important.

292
00:17:22,468 --> 00:17:24,512
Well...

293
00:17:24,554 --> 00:17:27,306
I was just saying that
these lines you drew

294
00:17:27,348 --> 00:17:29,726
remind me of a railroad track.

295
00:17:30,852 --> 00:17:33,229
I've never heard anything
more insipid, insane,

296
00:17:33,270 --> 00:17:35,148
uninteresting or irrelevant.

297
00:17:35,190 --> 00:17:36,774
Well, actually,

298
00:17:36,816 --> 00:17:40,778
there was a railroad convention
in town last week,

299
00:17:40,820 --> 00:17:44,949
and I bought myself this
nifty conductor's cap.

300
00:17:44,991 --> 00:17:48,161
I have never seen a more
ridiculous-looking object

301
00:17:48,203 --> 00:17:50,580
on top of anybody's head
anywhere.

302
00:17:51,748 --> 00:17:54,542
Well, I don't know.
Suits my needs.

303
00:17:54,584 --> 00:17:57,087
What else did you buy
at this convention?

304
00:17:57,128 --> 00:18:01,174
Your very own locomotive?

305
00:18:02,133 --> 00:18:04,844
- Yes.
- What the?

306
00:18:25,073 --> 00:18:27,491
Now, where were...

307
00:18:27,533 --> 00:18:29,326
we?

308
00:18:29,368 --> 00:18:32,329
This is what's known
as a metronome.

309
00:18:32,371 --> 00:18:34,624
Hey, my mom has one of those
in her garden.

310
00:18:34,665 --> 00:18:38,544
Oh, no, SpongeBob.
That was a garden gnome.

311
00:18:38,586 --> 00:18:39,796
Anyway.

312
00:18:39,837 --> 00:18:42,548
The metronome
helps us keep time.

313
00:18:50,932 --> 00:18:55,895
Tick, tick,
tick, tick, tick...

314
00:18:55,937 --> 00:18:58,106
Tick, tick, tick, tick...

315
00:18:58,148 --> 00:18:59,398
Do you mind?

316
00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:01,400
Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick...

317
00:19:01,442 --> 00:19:04,946
Is there something seriously
wrong with your heads?

318
00:19:04,988 --> 00:19:08,449
My whole life has been
pointed in one direction.

319
00:19:08,491 --> 00:19:10,326
I see that now.

320
00:19:10,367 --> 00:19:12,912
There's never been
any choice for me.

321
00:19:12,954 --> 00:19:15,498
Would you two nincompoops
cut it out?

322
00:19:15,539 --> 00:19:17,708
- Or am I gonna...

323
00:19:17,750 --> 00:19:21,212
Hello. We're with the local
Bikini Bottom news channel.

324
00:19:21,254 --> 00:19:24,590
- I'm a reporter.

325
00:19:24,632 --> 00:19:26,176
We're here to conduct
an interview

326
00:19:26,217 --> 00:19:29,929
with the esteemed musical genius
Squilliam Fancyson.

327
00:19:29,971 --> 00:19:33,266
Tick, tick,
tick, tick, tick...

328
00:19:33,308 --> 00:19:35,893
- Please ignore them.
- Are those students of yours?

329
00:19:35,935 --> 00:19:38,896
Nope, they're just morons.
You two, snap out of it.

330
00:19:38,938 --> 00:19:42,066
They appear to be
in some type of trance.

331
00:19:42,859 --> 00:19:47,404
A case of genuine hypnosis like
this makes a much hotter scoop.

332
00:19:47,446 --> 00:19:49,115
Hotter scoop?

333
00:19:49,157 --> 00:19:51,909
Well, it's the sort of thing
that borders on the paranormal.

334
00:19:51,951 --> 00:19:54,162
Our viewers just
eat that stuff up.

335
00:19:54,204 --> 00:19:58,624
Paranormal? The only thing
paranormal around here

336
00:19:58,666 --> 00:20:01,961
is how fast I'm gonna
make you two disappear.

337
00:20:02,003 --> 00:20:04,255
Don't blame me...

338
00:20:04,297 --> 00:20:06,049
Blame the market.

339
00:20:08,801 --> 00:20:10,678
What, where am I?

340
00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:13,306
I felt like I was in
some sort of horrible trance.

341
00:20:13,348 --> 00:20:16,684
- You want to know what happened?
- OK.

342
00:20:16,726 --> 00:20:21,189
You once again managed to
single-handedly annihilate

343
00:20:21,231 --> 00:20:25,151
what might be the one and only
chance I may ever get

344
00:20:25,193 --> 00:20:29,280
to sow just one tiny seed
of creative hope

345
00:20:29,322 --> 00:20:31,699
into the culturally barren
wasteland

346
00:20:31,741 --> 00:20:36,287
that each and every one of us
is forced to call home.

347
00:20:36,329 --> 00:20:38,748
Actually, I've been
commuting from upstate.

348
00:20:38,789 --> 00:20:41,125
Now, I don't suppose you two

349
00:20:41,167 --> 00:20:44,212
have anything to say
for yourselves?

350
00:20:44,254 --> 00:20:47,215
Well, I guess if I was
to say one thing,

351
00:20:47,257 --> 00:20:49,092
it would have to be...

352
00:20:49,133 --> 00:20:51,302
We're sorry, Squidward.

353
00:20:51,344 --> 00:20:54,471
Yeah, we're sorry, Squidward.

354
00:20:54,513 --> 00:20:56,766
No-no-no,
shh-shh-shh.

355
00:20:56,807 --> 00:21:00,061
Hey, did those guys
just call you Squidward?

356
00:21:00,103 --> 00:21:02,521
No-no-no-no,
they said Squilliam.

357
00:21:02,563 --> 00:21:06,192
Oh, I knew this guy
was a phony from minute one.

358
00:21:06,234 --> 00:21:07,402
I'm getting out of here.

359
00:21:07,443 --> 00:21:10,571
Yeah, me too.
I'm gonna get my tuition back.

360
00:21:10,613 --> 00:21:14,491
- No, wait.

361
00:21:14,533 --> 00:21:18,121
No! You're not going anywhere.

362
00:21:23,918 --> 00:21:26,337
What, what's going on here?

363
00:21:26,379 --> 00:21:28,672
Sorry, professor,
your little symphony is over.

364
00:21:28,714 --> 00:21:31,550
It's true,
we're on to your little ruse.

365
00:21:31,592 --> 00:21:33,177
What a hot scoop.

366
00:21:33,219 --> 00:21:35,930
The real Squilliam,
as we all know,

367
00:21:35,972 --> 00:21:40,726
has a large, bushy unibrow just
at the base of his forehead.

368
00:21:40,768 --> 00:21:43,187
- But...
- No unibrow.

369
00:21:43,229 --> 00:21:45,856
Squidward Q. Tentacles,
I'm placing you under arrest

370
00:21:45,898 --> 00:21:48,525
- for impersonating a genius.

371
00:21:53,739 --> 00:21:57,118
Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick...