MY, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY
IT IS OUTSIDE.
TOO BAD I'M COOPED UP HERE INSIDE THE KRUSTY KRAB.
- WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO, SQUIDWARD?
ON A NICE, SUNNY DAY.
- AW, LOOK AT IT THIS WAY, SQUIDWARD.
- THINGS COULD ALWAYS BE WORSE. - WORSE? HOW?
WELL, UH...
- YOU COULD BE SICK. - SICK? IS THAT REALLY ANY WORSE?
BEING SICK IS AWFUL!
THE ACHES, THE RUNNY NOSE, AND THE FEVER ARE BAD ENOUGH.
BUT THAT'S NOT EVEN THE WORST PART.
- OH, REALLY? - NO!
HERE AT THE KRUSTY KRAB.
KRUSTY KRAB, KRUSTY KRAB, KRUSTY KRAB.
SQUIDWARD?
- SQUIDWARD! - WHAT?
OH, SPONGEBOB, I'M SUDDENLY NOT FEELING VERY WELL.
- WHAT'S THE MATTER? - WELL, UH, LET'S SEE.
UH, I'VE GOT A SCRATCHY THROAT, UM...
UH... DRY MOUTH,
AND, UM...
MY EYES ARE ITCHY.
- SQUIDWARD, WHAT COULD IT BE? - I'M NOT SURE.
WITH A DREADED ILLNESS.
- AAH! WHAT IS THE NAME OF THIS HORRIBLE ILLNESS?
- NAME? OH, UM, UH,
SQUID'S DISEASE.
- WHAT? - SQUID'S DISEASE.
- WHAT? - SQUID'S DISEASE!
SQUIDWARD.
IS AFFECTING YOUR TEMPER.
SPONGEBOB?
SPONGEBOB! WHAT ARE YOU DOING BACK THERE?
OF BAD NEWS, SQUIDWARD,
WOULD PROBABLY BE TO...
UNTIL YOU'RE FULLY RECOVERED.
- WELL, SPONGEBOB, I THINK YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.
I'M SO SORRY, SQUIDWARD.
- WELL, I—I BETTER GO BREAK THE NEWS TO MR. KRABS.
YOU'RE SICK?
- HMM.
WELL, YOU DON'T LOOK ANY SICKER THAN YOU USUALLY DO.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
JUST TO BE SURE.
- THE WHAT? - NOW OPEN WIDE!
WAHHH.
TONGUE LOOKS FINE.
EYES, CHECK.
- OW! - FOREHEAD FEELS NORMAL.
NOW LET'S SEE THOSE KNEECAPS.
REFLEXES A LITTLE SLOW, BUT I'D EXPECT THAT FROM YOU.
WONDERFUL.
- WELL, MR. SQUIDWARD, IN MY EXPERT OPINION,
YOU LOOK FIT AS A FIDDLE.
- BUT MR. KRABS! - MR. KRABS NOTHING!
- BUT I— - MR. KRABS NOTHING!
- BUT-BUT— - MR. KRABS NOTHING!
JUST GO AHEAD. I'M GONNA KEEP SAYING IT.
THE CUSTOMERS?
YOU DON'T WANT THEM TO GET SICK, DO YOU?
NO.
AND I DON'T WANT THEM TO GET HUNGRY EITHER.
SO STEP TO IT, MR. SQUIDWARD!
OH, YEAH, AND GET WELL SOON.
- I'M STARVING.
- SPONGEBOB,
OUT TO TABLE THREE, PLEASE?
RIGHT AWAY, SQUIDWARD.
SPONGEBOB.
TURN AROUND, PLEASE.
- YES?
SUPPOSED TO BE?
- THIS? OH, IT'S A NUMBER TWO.
KRABBY PATTY WITH CHEESE, MEDIUM DRINK, REGULAR—
NOT THAT, NOT THAT.
THE THING ON YOUR FACE.
- OH, THIS. - YES.
- OH, THIS IS JUST
WHICH, IN THIS CASE,
AND BACTERIAS.
AAH!
- HHHHI, SPOOOONGEBAHHHB!
HELLO, SQUIDWARD.
- COULD I SEE THAT? - UM, ACTUALLY, NO.
SO VERY INTERE-EH-EH-EH...
AH-CHOO! RESTING.
WAHHHH!
MR. KRABS!
- NEPTUNE'S KNEE-HIGHS, LAD!
TO REMIND YOU TO KNOCK?
MR. KRABS!
- THAT'S BETTER. NOW WHAT CAN I DO YOU FOR?
- IT'S SQUIDWARD, HE'S SICK.
THAT'S FUNNY.
YOU'RE THE SECOND PERSON TODAY WHO'S TOLD ME THAT.
- WHO WAS THE FIRST? - SQUIDWARD.
GREEN CASHIER PERSONALLY.
AND IF HE'S SICK, THEN I'M THE NEXT MAYOR
OF MARMALADE MOUNTAIN.
DOESN'T SOUND LIKE SUCH A BAD GIG ACTUALLY.
- BUT, MR. KRABS, YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE ME.
SQUIDWARD'S GOT
CALLED SQUID'S DISEASE.
SCRATCHY THROAT, ITCHY EYES, DRY MOUTH, AND FEVER...
AND MISSED WORK DAYS...
AND, AH, DAH!
- KRABBY PATTY, PLEASE. - MR. SQUIDWARD?
- GOT A MINUTE? - OH, OF COURSE.
IT'S NOT LIKE I'M BUSY WORKING OR ANYTHING.
WITH THE KID.
SOMETHING'S GOT HIM SPOOKED.
- HE CAN'T COOK IN THIS CONDITION.
NO COOKING, NO PATTIES.
NO PATTIES, NO MONEY.
- AND YOU'RE TELLING ME THIS WHY?
SCARCE FOR A WHILE.
- SO YOU'RE TELLING ME TO GO HOME?
- WELL, I DON'T CARE
GET OUTTA HERE!
YIPPEE!
THANKS, MR. KRABS!
DOH, I MEAN—
POOR SQUIDWARD.
THAT'S FUNNY. MY EYES FEEL ITCHY.
FEELS SCRATCHY TOO.
ITCHY EYES... SCRATCHY THROAT.
EVEN MY MOUTH FEELS DRY.
I'VE CONTRACTED SQUID'S DISEASE!
AAH!
- SPONGEBOB, EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT IN HERE?
- EVERYTHING'S FINE, CAPTAIN.
JUST A LITTLE, UH, HOWL FOR PLEASURE.
- WELL, HOW ABOUT
AND A LITTLE MORE WORK?
- IF MR. KRABS FINDS OUT I HAVE THE SQUID'S DISEASE,
HE'LL-HE'LL SEND ME HOME, JUST LIKE SQUIDWARD.
WAIT A SECOND, THAT'S IT!
GRANDMA'S DOWN-HOME FOLK REMEDIES RIGHT HERE?
GRANDMA ALWAYS SAID,
"IF YOU MIGHT BE COMING DOWN WITH AN ILLNESS,
IN HOT WATER."
OR WAS IT COLD WATER?
IT WASN'T THAT EITHER.
OF COURSE!
IT WASN'T HOT WATER OR COLD WATER.
IT WAS BOILING OIL!
UH-HUH, I CAN DEFINITELY FEEL THE MEDICINAL QUALITIES.
OH, NO!
SPONGEBOB!
YOU SURE EVERYTHING'S ALL RIGHT?
- YES, EVERYTHING'S FINE IN HERE.
JUST DANDY.
THESE UNSIGHTLY BLEMISHES,
OR MR. KRABS WILL GET SUSPICIOUS.
THIS SUPER-HOT,
WILL DO THE TRICK.
NO, ACTUALLY THAT BURNS REAL BAD.
STAY CALM.
JUST NEED TO COOL IT OFF. CUCUMBER!
YEAH, CUCUMBER WILL COOL IT OFF.
I JUST NEED TO FIND SOME... CUCUM—PICKLES!
ARE LIKE CUCUMBERS.
SWEET RELIEF, HERE I COME.
AHH.
AAHHH OW!
SWEET VINEGAR, IT BURNS!
IT BURNS! IT BURNS!
WHOA! OW, OW!
WHAT'S GOING ON BACK THERE?
- YES, AND I'M VERY PUZZLED. - SO AM I.
IN FACT, I MIGHT EVEN BE A LITTLE CONCERNED.
- WELL, I DON'T KNOW IF I'D GO THAT FAR.
WHOA!
SORRY, I THINK I MIGHT BE COMING DOWN WITH SOMETHING.
WITH SOMETHING?
BY A SICK FRY COOK.
- ME TOO. LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!
- GOOD IDEA.
ME CUSTOMERS!
- YOU LOOK TERRIBLE. - THANK YOU, MR. KRABS.
- WELL, I CAN'T JUST STAND BY
A BREEDING GROUND FOR INFECTION.
SPONGEBOB, GO HOME. THAT'S AN ORDER!
- BUT WHO'S GOING TO RUN THE RESTAURANT?
- HEH! WHO'S GONNA RUN IT?
BEHIND ME BACK.
I'LL SHOW YA!
COULD FEEL SO GOOD?
HI, SQUIDWARD.
- OH, NO! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?
I... FELL ILL.
MR. KRABS WON'T
UNTIL I'M BETTER.
WELL, AT LEAST WE CAN SPEND THE DAY RECOVERING TOGETHER.
AFTER ALL, MISERY LOVES COMPANY.
RIGHT, SQUIDWARD?
SQUIDWARD?
- WELL, SO MUCH FOR ENJOYING THE GREAT OUTDOORS.
AND ENJOY...
SOME AFTERNOON TEA.
A GREAT IDEA, SQUIDWARD.
AAH! SPONGEBOB!
ABOUT COMING INTO MY HOUSE?
- I FIGURE I CAN'T MAKE YOU WELL, SQUIDWARD,
MAKE YOU COMFORTABLE.
HOT COMPRESSES, TISSUES—
THE GOOD KIND,
FOR US TO WATCH.
I KNOW THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY,
MAKE ME CRY.
25 KRABBY PATTIES!
ORDER UP!
- HEY! I DIDN'T ORDER A TABLE PATTY!
- YEAH! OR A WINDOW PATTY!
- OR A FACE PATTY! I WANT A REFUND!
REFUND! REFUND! REFUND!
- I LOVE YOU, TED. - DITTO.
WASN'T THAT GREAT, SQUIDWARD?
OH, YEAH, HOWDY.
IT'S TOO BAD IT HAD TO END... FINALLY.
OH, DON'T WORRY.
WE HAVE ALL 99 SEQUELS TO WATCH NEXT.
- OH, HEY, WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT?
I'M SUDDENLY FEELING MUCH, MUCH BETTER.
I THINK I'LL GO BACK TO WORK NOW, BYE.
- SQUIDWARD! SQUIDWARD, WAIT!
SQUIDWARD!
YOU'RE NOT WELL ENOUGH TO RETURN TO WORK!
I CAN'T LET YOU!
PLEASE, JUST STOP!
STOP FOLLOWING ME!
- SQUIDWARD! SQUIDWARD!
MR. KRABS?
RUN THIS PLACE ALL BY MESELF,
TIED BEHIND ME BACK.
- BUT, MR. KRABS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING LYING HERE ON THE FLOOR?
- WELL, SPONGEBOB, FUNNY YOU SHOULD ASK,
MEDICAL OPINION,
OF SQUID'S DISEASE.
SQUID'S DISEASE?
I KNOW JUST THE CURE.
ROMANTIC COMEDY?
NO!
AAH!
AWAY FROM ME! AAH!
LET THE MADNESS BEGIN.
IT'S...
DRIVING TEST DAY!
SPONGEBOB!
THANKS.
- DON'T WISH ME LUCK, SQUIDWARD. I DON'T NEED IT.
WHAT DO YOU SAY, MRS. PUFF?
LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED.
I'M SORRY, MRS. PUFF. I KNOW WHAT I DID WRONG.
DON'T WORRY, MRS. PUFF. I GOT IT THIS TIME.
- NO, SPONGEBOB, NOT AGAIN.
OH! OH, NO! WE'RE AIRBORNE!
- YEAH, IT'S A GOOD THING TOO.
WOULD'VE POPPED FOR SURE.
HERE, LET ME TAKE THAT WHEEL.
- NO, SPONGEBOB! DON'T TOUCH THAT!
OH, DEAR!
- HEY, MRS. PUFF. HOW ARE YOU FEELING?
- OH, MY. WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?
- I'M AFRAID YOU'VE HAD A SERIOUS ACCIDENT.
THAT WHEN YOU CRASHED,
YOUR INFLATION SAC.
OH, NO.
MY OLD SELF AGAIN?
UM, NO, MY DEAR.
I'M AFRAID YOU'LL NEVER PUFF AGAIN.
HMM, FROM NOW ON,
I GUESS WE'LL HAVE TO CALL YOU MRS. POP.
AAH!
- MRS. PUFF, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!
- I'M SORRY! STOP, MRS. PUFF!
IT TICKLES!
- WHY CAN'T YOU JUST GRADUATE OUT OF MY LIFE?
OOH!
OHH...
- THERE. THAT SHOULD HELP HER RELAX.
- SHEESH! I DON'T KNOW WHAT SHE'S SO UPSET ABOUT.
THIS WAY.
DUH...
- YES, EVERYONE NEEDS TO RELAX.
- HELLO, MRS. PUFF. ARE WE FEELING ANY BETTER?
- I SEE YOU GOT THE FLOWERS I SENT.
- YES, I'M ALLERGIC TO THEM... AND YOU.
- OH, THIS ROOM IS SO DARK AND DEPRESSING.
YOU NEED SUNLIGHT.
OUCH.
COME ON, MRS. PUFF.
OF THIS STUFFY OLD ROOM.
- I'M NOT LEAVING THIS BED.
- AAH! - UP AND AT 'EM!
YOU KNOW WHAT'LL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER, MRS. PUFF?
A NICE, PEACEFUL STROLL.
- CLEAR THE WAY! INJURED COMING THROUGH!
- EXCUSE ME, DOCTOR! WHAT'S UP WITH THOSE GUYS?
- OH, IT'S NOTHING SERIOUS,
FROM THIS WEEK'S DEMOLITION DERBY.
THE CARNAGE.
IT'S ACTUALLY QUITE ENTERTAINING.
AAH!
PRETTY GRUESOME, HUH?
TO THOSE GUYS,
FOR OUR AMUSEMENT.
- "RISKING THEIR LIVES FOR OUR AMUSEMENT"?
RID OF SPONGEBOB!
FOREVER!
IN THE WORST POSSIBLE WAY!
WHAT'S SO FUNNY?
- I'VE JUST
SOME EXTRA CREDIT.
HOORAY!
YES, HOORAY INDEED.
SO WHAT DO YOU SAY, CAPTAIN LUTEFISK,
WILL YOU ENTER HIM IN THE DERBY, FOR OLD TIMES' SAKE?
WELL, PUFF, OLD GIRL,
I WOULDN'T BE WHERE I AM TODAY WITHOUT YOUR DRIVING SCHOOL,
BUT I DON'T KNOW. HE LOOKS KINDA SOFT.
- LOOKS CAN BE DECEIVING. OBSERVE.
HERE, SPONGEBOB, HOLD THIS.
- WHOA! THAT KID'S A NATURAL!
BUT HE'S GONNA NEED A SCARY IDENTITY.
DERBY'S ALL ABOUT IMAGE.
- LOOK OUT, EXTRA CREDIT. HERE I COME!
YES, "EXTRA CREDIT."
DEMOLITION DERBY!
OUR CONTESTANTS!
FIRST UP, BANE TO CROSSING GUARDS EVERYWHERE...
THE KRUNCHER!
OF THE BRINY BLUE...
DIVING BELL DAN!
AND OF COURSE, YOU ALL KNOW AND ADMIRE...
BLOWTORCH!
OF ALL...
THE CACKLING CRUISER!
NOW, WITH INTRODUCTIONS OUT OF THE WAY—
OH, I ALMOST FORGOT!
THE SQUISH!
- HEY, THAT SQUISH LOOKS PRETTY TOUGH.
GIVE UP NOW.
- OKAY, DRIVERS, START YOUR ENGINES!
AND LET THE DESTRUCTION BEGIN!
I CAN'T LOOK!
WAIT, YES, I CAN!
AAH!
WHAT THE HEY?
- WHAT? THIS IS NOT GOING WELL.
- HUH?
OH, DEAR, I THINK I'M IN THAT FELLOW'S WAY.
ENGAGE TURN SIGNALS.
ADJUST MIRRORS.
HANDS AT TEN AND TWO.
AND FINALLY, FLOOR IT!
WHAT HAPPENED?
AAH!
WITH YOU GUYS?
SQUASH THE SQUISH!
YES!
AAH!
- OH HO!
"FACE TREAD" MANEUVER.
- MRS. PUFF,
WHY ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?
"PUT IT IN DRIVE"?
THANKS, MRS. PUFF, YOU'RE THE BEST.
- CURSE YOU, SPONGEBOB!
- WHAT'S THAT, MRS. PUFF?
I GOT YOU THIS TIME!
THIS IS IT!
YES!
HUH?
SOMEONE DEMOLISHED,
TO DEMOLISH THEM YOURSELF.
NOT SO FAST! THERE'S ONE MORE CHALLENGER!
I'M... THE HUFF!
YOU'RE BLOCKING MY VIEW!
AAH!
MRS. PUFF, IT'S YOU!
AND YOU'RE ALL PUFFY AGAIN!
NOW EVERYTHING'S BACK TO NORMAL!
YES, PERFECTLY NORMAL.