MERRY CHRISTMAS, KIDS.
I BET YOU'RE WONDERING WHY OL' PATCHY
HAS THIS MAIL TRUCK.
WELL, THIS YEAR I WANTED
TO BE ABSOLUTELY SURE SANTA GOT ME LETTER.
SO I GAVE MR. MAILMAN THE DAY OFF.
- DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW TO GET TO THE NORTH POLE?
- OH, POTTY, YOU SILLY PARROT.
EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT THE DIRECTIONS TO THE NORTH POLE
ARE RIGHT IN THE LYRICS OF THE SONG, JINGLE BELLS.
OKAY, SO WE'RE LOOKING FOR SOME FIELDS THEN?
- NO, PATCHY, THE DIRECTIONS TO THE NORTH POLE
ARE IN THE SONG, THERE GOES SANTA CLAUS.
SCURVY BRAIN.
- YEAH, WELL, WE AIN'T TURNING TILL WE SEE SOME FIELDS.
- LOOK OUT, THERE'S A FORK IN THE ROAD.
I DON'T SEE NO FORK.
AAH!
WHILE WE WAIT FOR THE TRUCK TO STOP SPINNING,
LET'S SEE WHAT SPONGEBOB IS UP TO THIS CHRISTMAS.
READY FOR CHRISTMAS, KIDS?
AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN.
I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!
HI, SQUIDWARD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING TODAY?
TO GO AWAY!
OKAY.
OOH, WHAT'S THAT?
IT'S A TRAP.
A TRAP FOR SANTA.
- OOH, BAITED WITH CHRISTMAS TREATS.
HEY, A COOKIE!
MERRY CHRISTMAS, SANDY.
- MERRY CHRISTMAS, SPONGEBOB.
HI, MR. KRABS.
ARE YOU READY FOR CHRISTMAS?
- WHY, CHRISTMAS IS ME FAVORITE TIME OF THE YEAR.
AFTER ALL, 'TIS THE SEASON OF GETTING.
- DON'T YOU MEAN THE SEASON OF GIVING?
EXACTLY.
THE MORE YOU GIVE, THE MORE I GET.
- MAYBE YOU WOULD GET A REAL PRESENT FROM SANTA
IF YOU WEREN'T THE BIGGEST JERK IN BIKINI BOTTOM.
- I'M WAY AHEAD OF YOU, KAREN.
THERE IS ONE ELEMENT IN THE KNOWN UNIVERSE
THAT CAN TURN EVEN THE NICEST SAP
INTO THE BIGGEST JERK THEY CAN BE.
AND I, PLANKTON, HAVE DISCOVERED IT.
BEHOLD, JERKTONIUM.
I'LL GIVE EVERYONE IN BIKINI BOTTOM
A PRESENT OF THE MOST INNOCENT OF ALL HOLIDAY GOODIES,
THE FRUITCAKE.
AND EACH AND EVERY SLICE
WILL BE LACED WITH JERKTONIUM.
ONCE INGESTED, NO ONE CAN HELP BECOMING
THE BIGGEST, CREEPIEST, MEANEST JERK EVER.
AND SANTA WILL REALIZE THAT SHELDON J. PLANKTON
ISN'T SO BAD AFTER ALL.
AND THEN I'LL FINALLY GET WHAT I REALLY WANT FOR CHRISTMAS,
THE KRABBY PATTY SECRET FORMULA.
AND NOW FOR THE MAIN INGREDIENT,
JERKTONIUM.
OKAY, JERKTONIUM, DO YOUR STUFF.
IT IS COMPLETE.
THE JERKMAKER 9000
WILL MAKE DOLING OUT TAINTED FRUITCAKE A BREEZE.
NOW, WHO'S GONNA BE MY FIRST VICTIM?
- HEY, PLANKTON, WHAT YOU GOT THERE?
HEY!
IS THAT A FRUITCAKE DISPENSER?
YOU DON'T SUPPOSE I COULD HAVE A PIECE, DO YOU?
SURE THING, FRUITCAKE.
HERE YOU GO.
HOT FROM THE OVEN AND FULL OF LOVIN'.
OOH.
OH, HOT! HOT! HOT!
AHH.
MMM. WOW, THIS IS GREAT.
SO HOW DO YOU FEEL?
- KIND OF CRANKY? - NO.
- SORT OF SURLY? - MM-MM.
- MAYBE JUST A LITTLE BIT JERKY?
NO.
I FEEL JUST LIKE THIS CAKE TASTES,
ABSOLUTELY DELICIOUS.
HMM.
HE MUST HAVE GOTTEN A PIECE WITHOUT JERKTONIUM.
HERE, TRY SOME MORE.
- DON'T MIND IF I DO. MMM.
HOW'S YOUR DANDER?
- IS IT UP? - NO.
HOW COULD I POSSIBLY BE ANGRY WHEN MY TASTE BUDS
ARE SWIMMING IN CHRISTMAS CHEER?
OH, BOY.
HERE COMES SOME MORE.
HAVE SOME MORE!
HAVE A WHOLE LOAD!
HAVE A BAKER'S DOZEN.
- WELL? - WELL—
I THINK EVERYONE SHOULD TASTE YOUR AMAZING FRUITCAKE.
MM, YOU KNOW WHAT?
KNOCK YOURSELF OUT.
STUPID HUNK OF JUNK-TONIUM.
MY GIFT TO BIKINI BOTTOM. BOY, OH, BOY.
HELLO, FELLOW REVELERS.
WOULD YOU LIKE A CHRISTMAS TREAT?
WHY SURE, SPONGEBOB.
- YEAH, WHO DOESN'T LIKE TREATS?
- NOTHING LOOSENS UP THE OLD PIPES
LIKE SOME FRUITCAKE. DIG IN.
- IT'S LIKE A PRESENT FOR MY MOUTH.
I KNEW YOU'D LIKE IT.
- HEY, DID WE COME HERE TO SING OR EAT FANCY CAKE?
WHOA, CALM DOWN, BILL.
WHAT DO YOU WANNA SING?
- WELL, I WANNA SING THE ONLY CHRISTMAS SONG THAT MATTERS
AND THAT'S JINGLE BELLS.
FROM THE TOP. A ONE AND A TWO AND—
- NO! HOLD YOUR HOLLY!
WE'RE SINGING THE BEST CHRISTMAS SONG EVER,
AND THAT'S SILVER BELLS.
- WRONG BELLS, BUDDY. - HEY!
I WANNA SING "RANDOLPH, THE RED-NOSED SEAHORSE."
- OH, WHAT IS IT WITH YOU AND THAT SONG?
- IT'S GREAT TO SEE PEOPLE SO PASSIONATE ABOUT THE HOLIDAYS.
WHAT'S ALL THE RACKET?
- WHAT DO YOU KNOW?
THE JERKTONIUM SEEMS TO WORK ON THESE JERKS.
VERY INTERESTING.
- OH, BOY, A CHRISTMAS PARADE.
THE PERFECT OCCASION TO SPREAD SOME MOUTHWATERING JOY.
YAY!
- THIS JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER AND BETTER.
- HO, HO, HO. SO, LITTLE BOY,
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE FOR CHRISTMAS?
- I WANT A SLED AND A TRUCK AND A BIKE AND A TRAIN.
- HI, SANTA. HAVE SOME FRUITCAKE.
- AND WATER PISTOL. - OOH.
- AND A HELICOPTER. - HO, HO, HO.
- OH! - WELL, WHY DON'T YOU
GET A JOB AND BUY ALL THAT JUNK YOURSELF?
AND WHILE YOU'RE AT IT, TRY BRUSHING YOUR TEETH,
- YOU LITTLE— - HAVE SOME FRUITCAKE.
THANKS.
THAT'S IT. I'M OUT OF HERE.
- OOH! - WEE!
OH, YEAH, AND I WANT A TRAMPOLINE.
SUCCESS!
SOON ALL THE BIKINI BOTTOMITES WILL BE JERKS.
NOW I JUST NEED TO FIGURE OUT
WHAT TO DO ABOUT OL' SPONGEBOY.
- ONCE AGAIN, YOUR MASTER PLAN IS FATALLY FLAWED.
IT SEEMS THAT SPONGEBOB'S INNOCENT LOVE OF THE HOLIDAY
SHIELDS HIS HEART FROM THE EFFECTS OF JERKTONIUM.
THAT TICKLES.
DRAT!
THAT SQUARE HEAD'S GONNA THROW
MY WHOLE NAUGHTY-TO-NICE CURVE RIGHT OFF.
I GUESS IT'S TIME TO INTRODUCE PLAN "B".
PLAN "B", MEET KAREN.
NOW GO, MY AUTOMATED AGENT OF NAUGHTINESS.
GO AND DESTROY SPONGEBOB'S GOOD NAME.
HUH? OH, YEAH.
- I AM READY. I AM READY.
READY TO DESTROY CHRISTMAS.
- WHAT'S GOING ON OUT HERE?
OH, IT'S JUST YOU, SPONGEBOB.
AAH!
HMM.
- OH, SPONGEBOB, YOU'VE BEEN A BAD, BAD TOY.
- I CAN'T BELIEVE WE SURVIVED
THAT HORRIFYING CAR ACCIDENT WITHOUT A SCRATCH.
WHOA! OH!
OH, HERE'S THE PROBLEM.
OH, THAT'S NOT GOOD.
FLAT TIRE, HUH?
LOOKS AS SAD AS AN EMPTY BAG OF BEEF.
IT'S COLD UP HERE.
WHY DON'T YOU KIDS AT HOME GO MAKE
A NICE HOT CUP OF COCOA WHILE POTTY BUILDS ME A FIRE?
OH, HELLO, KIDDIES.
IT'S SO COLD.
ME EYE PATCH CRACKED.
THERE HASN'T BEEN ANY FOOD OR WATER,
FOOD, OR FOOD FOR OVER 20 MINUTES.
BOY, I COULD SURE GO FOR SOME BUFFALO WINGS
RIGHT ABOUT NOW.
SOUNDS GOOD, EH, POTTY?
WITH A SIDE OF BLUE CHEESE DRESSING.
ARGH.
- AAH, PATCH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'M SORRY, POTTY.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT GOT INTO ME.
I'M JUST SO HUNGRY.
IT'S OKAY, PATCHY.
I CAN'T STAY MAD AT YOU.
- OH, HEY—
WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT, BIRD?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
MERRY CHRISTMAS, FELLAS.
AH, GO STUFF A STOCKING.
GEE, THAT WASN'T VERY NICE.
SEASON'S GREETINGS, MR. KRABS.
WHAT?
WELL, YOU GOT SOME NERVE, SPONGEBOB.
THIS IS COMING OUT OF YOUR SALARY.
WHAT'S THAT ALL ABOUT?
HEY, PATRICK. WHAT YA UP TO?
- I THINK IT'S PRETTY OBVIOUS, SPONGEBOB.
I'M EATING FRUITCAKE
AND SETTING A TIGER TRAP FOR SANTA!
NOW, IF YOU DON'T MIND, I'M KIND OF BUSY RIGHT NOW.
YEESH, OKAY.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A JERK ABOUT IT.
EVERYBODY'S ON EDGE TODAY.
MUST BE THE HOLIDAY JITTERS.
NOSEY BODY.
AAH!
YAY, IT WORKS!
OH, HELLO, BIG STRIPED SHRIMP.
OH, NO!
AHH, CHRISTMAS EVE,
WHEN ALL OF BIKINI BOTTOM IS FILLED WITH GOODWILL.
MERRY CHRISTMAS, FRANKIE.
- A MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU TOO, JOHNNY.
MORE LIKE BAD WILL.
GOSH, IF PEOPLE DON'T START ACTING NICER,
SANTA'S GONNA FLY RIGHT PAST BIKINI BOTTOM
THIS CHRISTMAS EVE.
I'M GONNA NEED SOME HELP.
SQUIDWARD!
- I'M NOT HOME. - OH, GOSH.
WHAT DO I DO NOW?
- WHY DON'T YOU GO BOTHER SANDY?
GOOD IDEA, SQUIDWARD.
I'LL HAVE TO THANK YOU WHEN YOU GET HOME.
I SAID I'M NOT HOME.
SPONGEBOB, GIVE ME BACK MY DOOR.
- SANDY, SANDY, I NEED YOUR HELP.
IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE, AND EVERYONE
IN BIKINI BOTTOM ARE ACTING LIKE JERKS.
YOU GOTTA HELP ME FIND OUT WHY.
- WHY SHOULD I HELP ALL THEM JERKS?
- BECAUSE THOSE JERKS DON'T CARE
ABOUT CHRISTMAS ANYMORE, SANDY.
- IT'S A PROBLEM. - PROBLEM?
MY ONLY PROBLEM IS I'M OUT OF FRUITCAKE.
ONLY THING I GOT LEFT TO EAT ARE BORING OLD NUTS.
- OH, THE PROBLEM ISN'T THE FRUITCAKE.
THE PROBLEM IS THAT EVERYONE, INCLUDING YOU,
IS ACTING LIKE A JERK.
OH, I'LL HAVE TO SOLVE THIS ON MY OWN.
WHOA!
DAG NABBIT, SPONGEBOB.
YOU GOT FRUITCAKE IN MY CHRISTMAS MAGIC ANALYZER.
WELL, I'LL BE HORNSWOGGLED.
MY ANALYZER'S FOUND SOMETHING IN THE FRUITCAKE.
THIS IS TERRIBLE.
WHAT IS IT, SANDY?
- THE FRUITCAKE IS CONTAMINATED WITH JERKTONIUM.
NO WONDER I'VE BEEN AS ORNERY AS A SIDEWINDER
ON A HOT DRIVEWAY.
JERKTONIUM IS THE ORNIEST ELEMENT OF THEM ALL,
AND YOUR FRUITCAKE IS FULL OF IT.
WHERE'D YOU GET THAT FRUITCAKE ANYWAY?
- FROM PLANKTON. HE BAKED IT.
- YOU TOOK FOOD FROM PLANKTON
AND FED IT TO EVERYONE IN TOWN?
- UH-HUH. - YOU'RE AN IDIOT.
- UH-HUH.
- NO WONDER EVERYONE IN TOWN IS A BIG OL' MEANIE.
- NO! I'VE EATEN TONS OF THAT FRUITCAKE.
I MUST BE THE BIGGEST JERK IN TOWN.
HMM, YOU DON'T ACT JERKY.
FOR SOME REASON, IT'S NOT AFFECTING YOU.
IT MUST BE A COMBINATION OF YOUR TINY BRAIN
AND PURE HEART.
YOU'RE IMMUNE TO JERKTONIAN, SPONGEBOB.
BUT THE REST OF US WILL NEED AN ANTIDOTE.
I'LL SET THE ANALYZER TO CALCULATE THE FORMULA.
WHY, THIS FORMULA FOR THE ANTIDOTE
DON'T MAKE NO SENSE AT ALL.
- MM, THAT'S NO FORMULA. THAT'S A SONG.
SANDY, THE SONG IS THE ANTIDOTE.
- OH, YEAH, WELL, YOUR FINS ARE FAT.
SAYS YOU.
AHOY, EVERYBODY.
IT'S CHRISTMAS!
- CONGRATULATIONS, SPONGEBOB.
YOUR SONG WORKED.
- AND NOT A MOMENT TOO SOON.
SANTA SHOULD BE HERE ANY MINUTE.
YOU AIN'T KIDDING.
HERE HE COMES NOW.
- OH, BOY. SANTA, YOU MADE IT.
WHOA, HO, HO, HO.
COOL YOUR JETS THERE, SON.
I'M AFRAID I'M THE BEARER OF BAD TIDINGS.
- OH, NO. - OH, YES.
IT SEEMS YOU'RE ALL ON MY NAUGHTY LIST THIS YEAR.
- NAUGHTY LIST? - NO BUTS ABOUT IT.
YOU'VE ALL BEEN A BUNCH OF JERKS.
- BUT— - BUT NOTHING.
COAL FOR EVERYONE...
EXCEPT PLANKTON.
WHAT?
- I'M JUST AS SURPRISED AS YOU.
BUT COMPARED TO THE REST OF YOU,
HE'S BEEN A SAINT.
HERE YOU GO, SHELDON.
I BELIEVE THIS IS WHAT YOU ASKED FOR.
ME SECRET FORMULA?
HOW DID YOU GET THAT?
I HAVE MY WAYS.
- UM, DAD. - HUH?
GET OUT OF ME POCKET, YOU FOUL GOBLIN.
- BUT—BUT—BUT—BUT— BUT—BUT—
BUT, SANTA, YOU'VE GOT IT ALL WRONG.
- ON THE CONTRARY, SPONGEBOB.
YOU'RE THE WORST OF ALL.
AAH!
- WHY, THERE YOU GO RIGHT NOW, WREAKING HAVOC.
- UH-OH.
- I AM READY TO DESTROY CHRISTMAS.
DESTROY SANTA.
- YOU WANT SANTA, YOU GOTTA GET THROUGH ME.
OKEYDOKEY.
OH, MY.
IS THAT ALL YOU GOT?
AAH!
I'M OUTTA HERE.
YOU DO REALIZE THIS COUNTS AS NAUGHTY?
- YOU PUT THAT JOLLY ELF DOWN,
YOU BIG TIN IMPOSTER.
HOT FROM THE OVEN, FULL OF LOVIN'.
HURRY UP, SANTA, HOP ON.
- THANKS AGAIN FOR SAVING MY KEISTER.
OH, IT WAS NOTHING.
- YOU'RE CLEARLY A VERY GOOD LAD,
UNLIKE THE OWNER OF THAT WIND-UP MONSTROSITY.
WHAT HAVE YOU GOT THERE?
"IF FOUND, PLEASE RETURN TO THE CHUM BUCKET."
PLANKTON!
- UH-OH.
HAND IT OVER, SHELDON.
DON'T MAKE IT ANY WORSE.
OKAY, BOYS.
LET'S GIVE PLANKTON WHAT HE DESERVES.
AAH!
SO LONG, KIDDIES.
- BYE, SANTA! - HO, HO, HO, HO, HO.
SEE YOU NEXT YEAR.
- HEY, HAS ANYONE SEEN PATRICK?
GOTCHA!
SANTA'S WORKSHOP?
I'M HERE, SANTA! I'M HERE!
I'M NOT GOING IN THERE.
SANTA.
THERE'S ONLY ONE THING I WANTS FOR CHRISTMAS,
AND IT'S TO MEET ME HERO, SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS.
ARGH?
AHH!
- LET GO!
NO, NO!
- I THINK STEALING A MAIL TRUCK
DEFINITELY COUNTS AS NAUGHTY.
WOULDN'T YOU SAY, POTTY?
I SURE WOULD, SANTA.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.