- Are you ready, kids?
Aye, aye, captain!
- I can't hear you.
Aye, aye, captain!
Spongebob squarepants!
- Ready?
Spongebob squarepants!
- Spongebob squarepants!
- What's the matter, buddy?
You seem so sad.
- Oh, yeah?
Well, you know what's sad?
This!
- My hat is sad?
- No!
You have a special hat,
Which means you get to go to your special happy worky place,
While I just stay bored all day.
I want a special happy worky place, too!
- first things first, patrick.
What do you like to do?
- Uh...
Sand.
- Oh!
Ooh, I got to run. I have patties to flip!
But I sure hope you figure your problem out.
Think about it.
- Think about it.
Think, patrick, think.
Hmm. Hmm.
Mmm!
Thinking is painful.
Break time.
- Are you irritable, listless, jobless?
Do you ever ask yourself, "I'm a loser.
What am I doing with my life?"
Then look no further.
I have the answer that's helped millions—
- Be all you can possibly be.
Join the marine dolphins.
Huh?
The inescapable display case!
No!
- All in a day's work, eh, mermaid man?
- Remember, it's up to you to reveal the true face of crime.
Sign up to be part of the mermaid man
And barnacle boy junior crime fighters.
- I got to figure out what to do with my life.
- Fight evil!
- Oh, I wish I was a superhero.
That's it.
I know what I want to do with my life!
To the changing room.
Ahh.
At last, I have found my calling.
I am patrick-man, defender of bikini bottom.
Oof!
- Mister squidward...
What's with all the dilly-dallying?
We've got customers' money to take.
- Where?
- Aah!
Where is everybody?
- Fear not.
Patrick-man is here.
- Patrick.
I knew our number-one customer wouldn't let us down.
- Shush, shush-shush-shush-shush.
It's patrick-man, mister krabs.
- "patrick-man"?
What kind of ridiculous name is that?
- Oh, forget the name.
Look at the ridiculous outfit.
What is that, a pair of briefs?
- Ooh.
Blaring employee laughter in the common area?
Hey, patrick. What's with the fancy duds?
- Must I explain everything?
I found what I want to do with my life.
I am...
Patrick-man!
that is so exciting!
I can't wait to tell gary, my parents, my grandma—
- Shh, shh, shh. Spongebob...
My identity must be kept secret.
My work here is done.
Patrick-man's off.
The city needs my help.
Oh, I almost forgot. Can I get a krabby patty?
- Hey, how'd you do on the final?
- I aced it.
- Me too.
- Looks like all that studying paid off.
High five.
- Whoa. Are you okay, man?
- Just remember this. Violence solves nothing.
- "violence"?
We were just giving high fives—
- No time for silly talk, citizen.
Patrick-man is needed elsewhere.
- Please, ma'am, allow me.
- Huh?
Why, thank you, young man.
not a problem, ma'am.
It's the least I could do—
Oh!
Sorry, lady, you're on your own.
- Oh, dear.
Oh, dear!
- Ooh, sweet dollar. Oh, just look at you—
So clean, so crisp.
Now come to krabsy—
- Halt!
Patrick-man is on to you, thief.
Stealing is bad.
Bad!
- But I found that dollar.
- No, enough!
This dollar shall stay on the sidewalk,
Where it belongs.
With neptune's swiftness, away!
- Hey, a dollar.
This must be my luck day.
- Help! Help, somebody! - Huh?
- Help!
- Sounds like another job for patrick-man.
I'll finish you off later, day-old doughnuts.
Right now I must move rapidly and act heroically.
What's this? Don't move! And freeze!
- Huh?
- Let's see ya try to bust out of that, boat thief.
- Boat thief? Heavens, no.
My poor student is trapped inside this boat.
The doors are jammed.
- Jammed doors, huh?
A likely story.
With neptune's swiftness...
Away!
- Oh, merciful neptune, the authorities are here.
Oh, you'll be out of there in no time.
- Well, what have we here?
"cops, this is boat thief."
Looks like patrick-man caught another one.
What would we do without superheroes?
- But I didn't do anything.
- Grand theft vessel is a felony.
You remember what a felony is, don't you, mrs. Puff?
- Felony!
Ugh. Patrick-man.
- Help.
- Order up.
Another krabby patty for the gentleman.
- Thank you.
Let's hope patrick-man doesn't confiscate this one.
- Yeah. He drank my shake, too.
Said it was part of an evil plot.
- Sorry, ma'am. I'll get you another.
Patrick has taken things too far.
- Hey, that's patrick-man to you.
- What are you doing out there?
- Something a nonhero civilian could never understand.
Yow-ooh!
I'm about to unmask one of bikini bottom's biggest foes,
Right here in the krusty krab.
I've intercepted his evil scheme.
- You've intercepted a recipe for toasted coral bits.
Don't you think you're going a little overboard
With this patrick-man thing?
- "overboard"?
Do you call this "overboard"?
Away, with neptune's...
Swiftness.
Villains and criminals, beware!
Patrick-man is here!
Pop!
Oh!
- Good gracious.
- And he always finds out...
Who hides under the mask.
- Hey, man,
I'd like to hold onto my face, thank you.
- Oh, right.
Now I got ya.
- Ouch!
Let's get out of here and never come back.
- What?
- Yowza.
- All right, that does it.
- Admit it, masked marauder.
- Enough!
We've all had our fill of patrick-man.
- But I was about to unmask a supervillain.
- Sure you were.
- What the barnacles are you doing?
- Protecting bikini bottom from a scoundrel.
- Oh, dear.
- Let her go, patrick.
- No way.
- Hey, where'd he come from?
the dirty bubble!
- The dirty bubble?
I wanted to unmask man-ray.
Fools, you've blown my cover.
Now taste my wrath.
- What now, patrick-man?
- Spongebob, you're looking at a superhero.
So, naturally, I will rely on my superpowers...
And throw some stuff.
- I wouldn't call that a total miss.
- Take this, beast.
- Patrick—aah!
Mmm-mmm. Yummy sponge.
- You've disabled me employees and trashed me restaurant.
Think you might go for the bubble, now?
- I have him right where I want him...
For the pit punch.
- Ha! Let's try that again.
But this time I attack.
Lunch.
- Way to go, buddy.
You're a hero.
Uh, may I have your autograph?
- Why, of course, young man.
That's "spongebob" with two sevens, right?
- What's your next exciting adventure, patrick-man?
- Actually...
It's patrick to you.
I'm retiring.
Having a job is too much work.
- Not so fast.
I think I need you to use your superpowers one last time.
- What's this?
- Hmm.
Gary, have you been chewing on my alarm clock again?
Oh, well.
Ahh.
- Up and at 'em!
Hup. Ew.
Gary, not my slippers too.
Ugh, nasty.
ew.
Oral hygiene to the rescue.
What the hey?
- come on, gary, let go!
Coochie coochie coo.
- Golly, gary, what's gotten into you?
Are you bored? I'll play with you later.
- gary.
Gary, you are a nut.
Sheesh.
- That snail sure is acting weird.
It's like he's teething again.
Hey, hold on a second.
Gary, have you been chewing on my bowl?
no.
- I'm beginning to sense a pattern here.
- Gary, are you trying to tell me something?
Could it be that what you need is a new chew toy?
- I thought so.
Ooh, I'll bet they have lots of toys here.
Hey, look, there's patrick.
Howdy, patrick.
- Hey, spongebob. Gareth.
- What are you doing here? You don't have a pet.
- Confidentially, I'm just here for the free samples.
Mm, you can really taste the gourmet.
Well, thank you, ma'am.
I may consider purchasing this brand for my worms.
Want some?
- No, thanks. Just had breakfast.
We're here to buy gary a new toy.
- They're on aisle three,
Next to the most delicious snail treats.
Follow me.
Here they are—
"tasty time snail treats."
- Well, how about this one?
Okay, how about this?
Well?
Yeah, I don't think so.
- Hey, guys, check this out—
"pet point 3000."
- A pet toy that plays with your pet.
What do you think, gary?
- Meh.
- It's so futuristic.
Look! A red dot!
Hey, come back here.
- That's brilliant.
What'll they think of next?
- I love this thing.
Let's turn it up.
Huh?
Where did it go?
- Uh, patrick...
- Huh?
Oh, there it is.
Eh, do you smell something burning?
Duh.
Here, you might need this.
You know, I'm not sure that toy is safe for gary.
Where is gary, anyway?
Gary!
ah.
- Gary.
Gary!
Hey, where'd you come from?
Ah, I wonder if gary would like this ball?
Gar—
- I guess you do.
Are you ready to play with your new ball?
- here it is, boy.
- you want it, boy?
- okay, boy, go and get it.
Go and get it.
- Fetch!
- Okay, gary, bring it back.
Come on, gary. Bring it back, gary.
You're supposed to bring it... Back.
- Oh, well, as long as he's not chewing on my stuff.
- I wonder how gary's doing.
I haven't heard a squeak out of him.
Gary? Are—
Hmm. Where is that snail?
Gary, where are you?
Gary, I—
Oh, there you are.
Oh, a tea party.
Cute.
Do you mind if I join you?
I'd just love a spot of tea.
What kind of tea is it—
Green tea, earl grey, oolong, slippery elm?
Gee, I think he likes that ball more than me.
yech.
That is not tea.
I know what will get gary's attention—
Good old slimycan.
Here ya go, ga—
Darn it, gary.
Gary! Dinnertime!
Gary.
Gary?
Okay, that's just creepy.
Gary, I think you need to spend some time away from this ball.
This isn't helping your case.
- Okay, gary, fun is fun.
Now, give me that ball, pronto.
- Oh, so you've hidden it.
Oh, no, you don't. Come here.
I bet I know where it is.
hairball.
Hairball.
Wallet.
Darn it— I thought I lost this.
And I just canceled my credit cards.
Hairball, toothbrush...
Aha! I knew it.
You'll see.
Some time apart will do you good.
There we go. Out of sight, out of mind.
I know you're upset now, but wait until tomorrow morning.
Why, you probably won't even remember that old ball.
- Good morning, gary.
I hope you're not still mad at me.
Gary?
The ball.
I will not tolerate this disobedience, gary.
Gary, I'm not playing around.
You had better show yourself this instant.
Okay, get down here.
Hmph.
Gary, give me that ball.
Come on.
Get down.
Whoa!
Mother always said, "don't run with the broom."
I'll take that.
gary, how could you?
You are gonna have to make a choice.
It's either me or the...
ball.
Fine.
I hope you two will be very happy together...
Without me.
Good-bye!
- Blah, blah, bloo, blee, blah, blah, bloo, blah, blah, blee.
Blah blahhh.
And so it's come to this—
No home, no best friend...
And sleeping under a bus stop.
Hello, little nematode.
Will you be my friend?
That a boy.
that tickles!
Hey, my wallet!
Good thing I canceled those credit cards.
- Gary.
I mean—oh, hey.
What are you doing here— waiting for a bus?
Oh, gary.
Does this mean you've come to love me more than that chew toy?
- Yippee!
Look, we're closer than ever.
Come on, gary, let's go home.
Do you smell something burning?
Hey, look, isn't that your ball?