- Are you ready, kids?
Aye, aye, Captain!
- I can't hear you.
Aye, aye, Captain!
SpongeBob SquarePants!
- Ready?
SpongeBob SquarePants!
- SpongeBob
SquarePants!
- Huh?
It's here! Yee-haw!
My newest science book has arrived.
I wonder what new and fantastic area of science
will be revealed to me this month.
Oh, hey, it's them fancy bloomers I ordered too.
This day just keeps getting better.
Ah.
"Behavioral psychology
is the study of people and their habits."
I've studied underwater chemistry,
geology, and astronomy,
but I've never studied underwater people.
Sandy Cheeks, day one of behavioral study
of subjects in Bikini Bottom.
Initiating observations... now!
- My wife said she wouldn't even try it,
no matter how much I salt the legumes.
- My daughter Amanda is exactly the same.
It's always an argument.
I mean, I've tried to—
- Older lumpy-looking female subject,
obviously a mother, hates daughter.
- Excuse me!
- Subject asked to be excused,
but I am unable to observe what she wishes to be excused from.
- Hey, creepy squirrel,
what's with all the eavesdropping?
- Take a hike, mammal!
- Subjects' emotional state seems to be rising in anger.
Eyebrows are now considerably furrowed.
I got to find new subjects...
who won't mind being observed.
Eureka!
- Hey, that's my line.
- Hey, fellas.
How'd you like to be a part of my cool experiment?
Ooh, I could use a mint. Mmm.
- No, Patrick.
It's an experiment in behavioral psychology.
- That doesn't sound tasty.
- What do we have to do?
- It's easy.
I observe you while you two act normal.
- Act normal? - Yeah.
Just do what you would naturally do.
Be natural.
Starting... now!
- Uh, natural greeting to you, friend.
- Natural greeting returned.
- Would you like to have some natural fun?
- Oh, yes, please.
- Naturally.
- Ugh, all right. Experiment's done.
- Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
What are the results?
Did we do good?
- Oh, can I have an A-plus?
- Oh, oh, yes! I want an A-plus too!
Oh! Pretty please, pretty please, pretty please?
- Pretty please with sugar on top?
- Yes, yes.
You both get an A-plus.
- Whoo! - I knew it!
- Whoo!
- Subjects acting natural. Resume observation.
- Aha. - I got an A-plus!
A-plus, A-plus, A-plus. A-plus, A-plus, A-plus.
- Oh, forget it.
"When a subject is aware of being observed,
it can affect his or her actions and create inaccurate data."
Hmm.
- Double eureka!
That's our line!
- Hey, are you guys up for another experiment?
- Oh, boy, am I ever!
Can you hook us up to electrodes
or—or expose us to gamma rays?
- Ehhh...
- It's a guaranteed A-plus.
- Oh! It's like a dream!
- Okay, first thing.
Go to the beach and fill one bucket
with white sand
and one bucket with black sand.
Can you do that? - Easy sneezy!
- Eww. - Eh...
Yeah, whatever he said.
- Then off you go.
Time to get to work.
- Sandy!
We're back.
- Good job, fellers!
- We're an awesome team! - We sure are, buddy.
- Okay, team,
for this experiment, I need you to count
the grains of sand in each bucket,
then tell me if there are more black grains
or more white grains,
or is it the same amount?
All right, then.
I have to run some errands, but I'll be back later.
Aye, aye, Captain Sandy.
- Oh, and, Patrick, you're in charge.
- Oh...
- All systems check.
- Well, let's get counting.
Should we both count white sand
and move on to the black sand,
or do you want to have your own bucket?
- I'm in charge. I'm in charge.
- So what's it gonna be, boss?
- Uh... the first one?
You're in charge.
- I'm in charge. - One...
- I'm in charge.
Two...
- Three. - I'm in charge.
I'm in charge.
- 47. 47?
- Uh? Huh? What?
- Lost you there for a little bit.
We were at 47?
- I don't know if I want to do it this way.
- Okay, boss man, how do you want to do it?
- Uh... oh, oh...
- How about you count the white sand
and I count the black sand?
- Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's it.
48, forty... nine!
Oh, oh, 50!
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven...
- Seven... Eight, nine, ten.
- Oh!
- Time to initiate the first variable.
One big bowl, one small bowl.
Exactly eight ounces per bowl.
Free ice-a cream. Free ice-a cream!
A-one day only!
Get your free-a ice cream!
- Oh, boy! Let's go!
- You're the boss. - Free ice-a cream-a!
- Oh, my sea stars, free ice cream.
- Hey, boys.
How'd you like a nice-a free-a bowl
of tuttsi fruitsi ice-a cream-a?
Okey-a-dokey.
- One free ice cream, please.
- All sold out. Maybe we'll get some later!
- Ow!
Lousy first come, first serve.
- Um, your—your bowl is bigger.
- You want to trade? - Yeah.
- Hmm? Mm-mm...
You got more ice cream.
- Patrick, I think your ice cream only looks smaller
'cause the bowl is big.
- Well, I want to trade back.
There's only one fair thing to do.
- What's that?
Patrick, you call that fair?
- I'm in charge.
- Ah... Oh, yeah.
- Time for variable two.
More free-a ice cream here.
Now in-a same sized cones.
- Huh? I just got my slippers on.
- Here you go! - I'll take those, my good man.
- Oh, but, Patrick, I— - I'm in charge.
- Uh, one cone, please. - All gone!
- Ow!
For the love of Pete!
- Can I have my cone now? Can I have my cone now?
Can I have my cone now?
- Mm... hmm...
Rub my feet first. - Oh, come on!
- Who's in charge? - All right, I'll rub your feet.
Eww.
Hey, my ice cream is melting all over your hand.
- Oh... I'll fix that.
- Patrick, you are making very poor choices!
- Don't you back-sass me!
I'm in charge,
and you have to do what I say.
Now... count that bucket of white sand.
- All right, I will.
1,893,601, 1,893,602,
1,893,603.
Done! Now to count the black sand.
- Oh, that's a pity.
Looks like you'll have to start over.
Enjoying that ice cream, Patrick?
- Yes, I am.
- Would you like sprinkles on it?
- Hey!
- Jeepers, I didn't see that coming.
- You don't leave until I say so!
- Sandy to Gary, Sandy to Gary,
how serious is the situation?
- Oh, I didn't think this all the way through.
I've got to shut this down!
- Aha! I want my free—
- Open the door! The experiment is over!
Open the door!
- You heard Sandy. Open the door!
- You open it! - No, you open it!
- Mr. Pavlovi, tell SpongeBob to open the door!
- It's me, Sandy!
The experiment is over!
- But we didn't even finish counting the sand.
- I didn't care about the sand.
I just wanted to observe you acting naturally,
so I hid microphones and cameras around your house—
Cameras?
- Et tu, Gary?
I was a monster.
I deserve a C-minus.
- Aw, Patrick, don't be so hard on yourself.
It was the experiment's fault that you were such a jerk.
- I blame science, stupid science.
- Everybody gets an A-plus
and-a ice-a cream-a!
What is going on?
I know it's a stupid question,
but is there any ice cream left?
- Oh... eesh, sorry, we're all out.
- You ate it all? You animals!
You didn't even leave me one drop?
There's got to be some left in here!
- Now let the real experiment begin.
- Come on! Get in my mouth!
Oh, this one's empty!
- Why couldn't I see it before?
The way to get the Krabby Patty formula was so obvious.
Spend an inordinate amount of time
training several dozen sea bears to take over your restaurant
and force you to give it up.
Nothing can turn them from their central purpose!
- Yoo-hoo.
Who wants their tummies tickled?
- No! My weapons! Ouch!
- Sea bears aren't weapons, Plankton.
They're furry buckets of love.
See?
And what do sea bears love more than tummy tickles?
Jellyfish honey.
Come and get it.
- No, come back!
- Why do you keep doing this, Plankton?
When you mess with me business, you mess with me money!
- Money's not everything, you know?
- Course it is!
Money makes the world go round
and makes me heart go pound.
- Well, if you love money so much,
why don't you marry it?
- If I could, I would.
- Would you now?
- You still here? - Aah!
This gives me an idea. Ow!
Another lonely evening...
dumping trash... alone.
- Huh?
- Um...
Hello? Miss?
Ooh, careful now. Careful.
Your ink will run.
- My, you're such a gentleman.
Yeah, well.
So, uh, what's a nice denomination like you doing...
on a bench like this?
- My date was supposed to bring me to the bank,
but he stood me up.
- What?
Hey, if I met the scallywag that stood you up,
I'd knock him down.
Ooh!
- My knight in shinning exoskeleton.
- Name's Krabs, Eugene Krabs.
And yours?
- Cashina. You're very sweet.
- You know something?
You look like a million bucks when you smile.
- Cashina, would you make this old crab's day
and allow me to take you to a place
where you can buy me dinner?
- I'd love to.
Scam you out of your secret formula, that is.
- Whoa!
- Allow me.
- This food is so delicious.
Oop, you don't suppose it has a secret formula.
I don't suppose you know anything about secrets...
or formulas.
- Ooh, I do have a very special recipe.
- Yes? - For delicious kisses.
- Ugh.
- Cashina, would you mind if I kissed you?
- Oh, Eugene. This is all moving so fast.
Just as I planned.
- Be gentle.
- Purse lips.
- Wow! What a woman.
Well, I finally did it.
I kissed a crab.
Ooh, Cashina.
- Daddy, I want to— Ew!
Are you kissing a locket with a woman's picture in it?
- Oh, no! No! I was, uh—
I was polishing this jewelry with me mouth hole.
You see? Like this...
- Gross!
- Pearl, me little beluga,
I never thought I'd say this,
but I may have found you a new mom.
- No way!
I have seen stepmoms in movies, Dad.
She'll make me sweep up the cinders,
and then she won't let me go to the ball,
and then I'll never meet my Prince Charming.
- You know, we're gonna have to have another talk
about fantasy and reality.
- Okay, then what's she like?
- Well, she's everything I've ever wanted in a woman.
- Blech! - Oh, don't worry, sweetie.
Nothing will ever come between us.
Oh, she's here! Out of me way!
Hello, me little money stack.
I want you to meet me daughter, Pearl.
- Pearl, I love your rouge.
How chic! - It's actually a rash.
- Uh... teen talk, teen talk.
Uh, girls like shoes.
Well, Pearl. I love your shoes.
- I'm not wearing shoes.
Those are barnacles.
- Oh, uh, I have some cream for that.
- Stop trying to mom at me, lady!
I don't need you.
- Well, Pearl, since I'm seeing your father,
I hope we can learn to understand each other.
- You'll never understand me!
In fact, I'm going to make it a point
to never be understandable again.
Blarb snobble goober blab!
- Eh, let me talk to her. - No.
I think I should do this alone.
- Oh, I haven't been this nervous
since me first boatswain's ball.
- And I was all, "You call this a mugging?"
And then I suplexed him until he gave me my purse back.
- Hey, you two, how about inviting me
into your inside joke, eh?
- Oh, you wouldn't get it, Dad.
It's a girl thing.
- Cashina, you know I love you,
and now me daughter loves you too.
Will you marry me, Cashina?
- Yes! Yes, yes!
Perfect!
When we're married,
he'll have to tell me the secret formula.
Yeah!
- SpongeBob, you're gonna be me wedding planner.
- I'm so honored, Mr. Krabs.
- Great! Here's your budget.
- Mr. Krabs, I am gonna stretch this dollar
until it begs for mercy.
No disrespect to your new bride.
Would you like our house red or our house yellow?
Ta-da!
And now the couple will exchange their vows.
- Eugene, you have everything I ever wanted in a man:
an exoskeleton, freakishly long eye stalks,
and the secret Krabby Patty formula.
Aw!
- Cashina, you came into my life
when I thought I'd live the rest of it alone.
You showed me once and for all
that while money can't buy you love,
it can give you love.
Aw!
- You may now kiss the bride.
- Oh, no! What about the bouquet?
- Uh, one bouquet coming up, Mrs. Krabs!
Huh?
- Huh?
- Catch!
Hooray! I win!
- It's a shame Plankton couldn't be here.
Who knew Eugene was so light on his crab legs?
- Okay.
Eugene,
I don't want there to be any secrets between us.
- What? Oh!
I'll tell you everything,
no matter how embarrassing.
I wet me bed till I was 40.
Me armpits sweat smells like tartar sauce when I'm afraid.
- Not those kinds of secrets.
- Ooh, okay.
Whatever you want, me sweet, just ask.
- I want you to tell me...
the secret Krabby Patty formula.
- The what?
- The secret formula
is locked away in your heart.
Unlock your heart for me, Eugene.
Let me in.
- Oh. Okay.
Anything for you, baby.
I'm gonna whisper it to you,
just in case there's any prying ears out there.
- Oh, boy. Here it comes!
- All right, my sweet. Here it is.
I'm getting a little emotional here.
You know, I never told anyone
the secret Krabby Patty formula before.
So... here goes.
- Come on, Krabs. Let it all out.
Uh! - Plankton?
- No, no! I'm not Plankton. I'm Cashina.
Your blushing bride.
I'm, uh, uh— am I blushing?
- You...
monster!
Argh!
- Y-y-you're not gonna crush me?
- Oh, I've been alone for so long.
And for the first time in forever,
I felt for someone.
Well, something.
Well, I mean, a pile of cash with lips.
It was all too good to be true.
Cashina may have not been real,
but me feelings were.
Weren't they? - Get ahold of yourself, Krabs.
- Plankton, are you saying it was all just a scheme to you?
You felt nothing? - You're crazy!
I'm out of here!
And one day, that formula will be mine!
Mark it!
- Oh, hey, buddy.
I want you to know,
even though your wife just ran out on you,
you still have to tip me.