Your turn.
- Uhmmmm... uhnn.
Now you.
- Hey, Patrick.
- Yeah, SpongeBob?
Do you think maybe it would make the game more exciting
if we played it with... two sticks?
- Two sticks?
That's against the rules.
You can't change the rules, SpongeBob,
just because I'm winning.
- I'm sorry, Patrick.
I'm just so bored playing stick and a cup.
- Are you tired of playing with the old stick and a cup?
Yeah.
- Well, say good-bye to boring, and hello to Whirly Brains,
the exciting new toy that puts you in the driver's seat
of your own mind!
It's so simple. Just flip your lid,
attach the propeller,
and watch your brain soar hundreds of feet into the air
as you control the action.
Ahhhh.
- Get your Whirly Brain today, and free your mind!
- Free my mind! Free my mind!
I want it. I want it. I want it. No, I want it.
No, it's mine. I want it. I want it. I want it.
- Sorry to hear about your TV, SpongeBob.
- Whirly Brains are available now at Bikini Bottom Toy Shop.
Whirly Brains! Whirly Brains!
Whirly Brains! Whirly Brains! Whirly Brains!
- Okay, Patrick, just let me flip your lid,
so I can attach the propeller directly to your brain.
- Buh-ha-ha.
- Step one... oh, I see what to do.
Ahhh!
- Ahhh!
- It's just me, Patrick.
- Ohhh.
- Now you do me.
- Boo! - Ahhh!
It's time to free our minds.
Whoa, Patrick.
I've never seen the world from this angle before.
- And the propeller tickles my think folds.
Hey. Hey. Hey, SpongeBob, eye bump.
- Eye bump.
Ow!
Patrick, no more eye bumps, okay?
- I feel you.
Brain freeze!
- Meow.
- Hey, Patrick.
- Ahh, the sanctity of my bathroom,
the only place in the world where I can
let it all hang out.
Ahh, me.
- Hey, where's Squidward?
I'm sure I saw him in here.
- Well, maybe he fell in the toilet?
I'll check.
Squidward, are you in here?
Did you fall in?
Squidward!
- Stop serenading me, you sap.
It's my day off. Now, go away.
- Ahh!
- Found him.
- Yup, that's him.
Hi, Squidward.
- Aliens from Mars! It's an invasion!
Waaahhhh!
Ugh!
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Whoooa!
Whoo-whoo!
Whirly Brains are go!
- She spit in his face.
- Mrs. Puff, we've been dating for 16 years now,
so I was sincerely hoping that today
might finally be the day that...
- Yes, Eugene?
- That I steal a little kiss?
- Oh.
Oh, Eugene, I thought you'd never ask.
- C'mere you.
- Ohh.
- What a woman.
- Oh, Eugene.
Ow. What was that?
- Ooh, that smarts.
Bull's-eye.
- I thought we were the first kids on the block
to get Whirly Brains.
- What are you, thick?
Every kid in town's got a Whirly Brain.
Pssh!
- Daddy, Daddy, can I have a Whirly Brain too?
- Absolutely not, son.
Your brain is your body's most important organ, not a toy.
- Pow!
- Hooray!
Now we can play Whirly Brains with the whole neighborhood.
Hey, kid, race you the end of the street.
- Eat my brain stem, slowpoke.
- Get ready, get set, punch it.
- Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh.
- Ahh! Ohh! Huh?
- Yes! We're gonna beat him, Patrick.
We're gonna win!
- Fly your toys into my yard, will you?
Well, they're mine now.
- Hey, what's going on? Everything went dark.
Patrick, can you see anything?
- Only the dismal abyss of black nothingness.
- Oh, our remote controls are dead too.
Oh, Patrick, I don't want to jump to any conclusions here,
but I think that we have lost our minds.
M-O-O-N.
That spells moon.
- Okay, don't panic, Patrick.
We'll find them. Just take it easy.
Take it easy. Patrick, take it easy!
- I'm taking it easy, SpongeBob.
- Our brains are probably right around here somewhere.
Here, brains. Brains.
Here, boy.
- Here, brains.
- Brainy, where are you?
- Brain, brain, brain.
I think I found it, SpongeBob.
- I found mine too.
Aw, darn it. I still can't see.
- Yeah, and my brain won't fit back in.
- Oh, uh, ma'am, you forgot something.
- That's okay. You can keep it.
- I'll take it.
Oh, yeah, looking good.
- Ew. Gimme that.
- Aw, man, that felt all squishy.
- Patrick, we need help. Let's call Sandy.
- Okay. Sandy!
- Patrick, I meant on the phone.
- Hello?
Sandy!
- Dang.
You two sure are lucky I created this
missing brain detector last summer.
I was beginning to think I'd never get to use this thing.
- I hope we find our brains soon.
They're probably cold and hungry by now.
Poor things.
- Brain? - Brain, where are you?
- Hey, brain. - Oof!
- Come out. We're looking for you.
- And it looks like you're not the only critters around these
parts to lose your minds.
Hmm, and my detector
is leading us directly to that house.
- Excuse me, kind sir.
Would you mind too terribly if we just came in your house for a
minute and looked around for my friend's missing brains?
- We're gonna take that as a yes.
Step lively, fellas.
- This place has a ten-gallon case of the creepies.
I wonder what's in...
Hey, fellas. I think I found your brains.
Hooray!
- Hey. Huh?
- What are you sneak thieves doing in my house?
Them brains violated my air space, and I'm keeping 'em.
I'm calling the cops.
Oh, don't send us to jail. Oh, no, no, no.
Please, no, no. I don't want to go to jail
We were just having fun. We're sorry.
- Sorry nothing. Look old-timer, one false move,
and I'll be on you like a horsefly on a cracker barrel.
- Bring it on, slippy whiskers.
I'll twenty-three skiddoo your bee's knees
with wooden nickels, sister.
- All right, now, you listen to me, ya twisted coot.
You can't steal somebody's brain
just because it flies into your yard.
That's "brainnapping," and it looks like I'll be
the one calling the police.
- Ooh, I love it when Sandy gets aggressive.
Let's give her some room.
Yow! - Oof!
- Oh.
- Oh, Brainy, you're back.
Oh! Hey-hey-hey!
- Ahh!
Phew, I'll never be a "no-brainer" again.
- Everyone has their brains back,
so I'ma let it go this time,
but if you steal as much as a beach ball, so help me, I'll...
- I'm sorry, squirrel lady,
I just couldn't take watching all the kids have fun in the
air while I'm stuck here with this
crotchety cane on the ground.
Awwww.
- Well, I think we've got a cure for what ails you,
right, SpongeBob?
- Sandy, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
- I think I'm thinking what you're thinking.
- Patrick? - My think is clogged.
- Wahhh-hoo-hoo!
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Yee-haw! Yee-haw!
- Sure was nice of you two to donate your Whirly Brains
to the old-timer.
You fellas did a good deed today.
- Oh, no need to thank us, Sandy.
If we can just make one angry old man happy,
that in itself is thanks enough.
The dignity of the elderly was the victor here today.
- Ha-ha! Look out, ladies!
Take a ride on the love-copter.
- The Martians are coming!
Run for your lives!
You're next!
- The Aquaphone, the Mermalair's telecommunication
device connecting city hall
with the underwater crime-fighting
hero, Mermaid Man.
- Yello?
- Never mind. It's just this idiot.
- Argh!
- By the power of Neptune...
Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy unite!
- To the invisible boatmobile.
- Yay.
- This must be the secret lair of an evil villain.
- You're right.
- Wah-ha!
- Oh!
Looks like there's evil afoot.
- And littering is a crime. - What?
I thought I had my house sponge-and-star-proofed.
- Hey, Squidward, want to play Mermaid Man
and Barnacle Boy with us?
- No!
Now, please fall and get seriously hurt.
Ahh!
- Ugh! Oof!
- I'm sure I've heard that "no" before.
- Holy something, Mermaid Man. You can't mean—
- Yes, my young, pink ward.
It's none other than...
Doctor Negative.
- It's that denying desperado's siren song.
- He's obviously raising an army of mutant vegetables.
And that song he's singing...
Will bring them to life.
Hyah!
Although our foes were evil,
their nutrition did not go to waste, Doctor Negative.
- We're watching you.
- That's it!
I'm gonna clobber you two!
- Hey, Squidward, do you hear that?
You better hurry up or you'll be late for work.
- Yeah, you better do something or whatever.
Ohh.
- Ahh-ahh-ahh!
- Ahh!
Will you two shut up about that stupid show?
- Oh, did you say something negative, Doctor Negative?
- What the—how did—
- I heard him say something negative.
- Mermaid Man, that injured victim's bandages
have come undone.
- That poor man needs aid...
of the first variety.
- Oh, we forgot the peroxide.
- That should hold you until the surgeons
can amputate your torso.
- Hmmph.
Justice restored!
- Hey, super dorks, your turn to take out the garbage.
- All right, Dr. Negative, we'll play
along and take it out.
Hiyah!
Why are all my tables empty?
Why am I not making money?
- Because these two costumed creeps chased them out.
- Oh. Mr. Squidward, step into me office.
- Uh-oh, Patrick.
I think we got Squidward in trouble.
- I'm gonna share a secret with you that I never told anyone.
- Uh, that's okay. I don't need to hear a...
Hmm?
- Ha! Ha-ha. You're a comic book geek.
- Ahh!
Don't touch those.
They're mint condition, worth a fortune.
- So you read comics. Don't worry.
Lots of perfectly immature adults read comics.
- Oh, it's deeper than that.
I sewed it meself.
It's Captain Tightwad from issue 53.
They say he's a bad guy, but, you know,
I think he's just misunderstood.
- Oh, look at that. I think I left my oven on.
- I had some fabric left over, so I made this.
- Oh, don't tell me... Doctor Negative?
- Ahoy, you high-sea halfwits.
- Tremble before Captain Tightwad!
Squidward.
- And cower in fear of Doctor Negative.
- Holy shrimp.
This is the best day of my life.
Whoa! Oh!
Whoa-ho! Whoa!
- What're you waiting for? - Augh!
Ugh!
Ugh! Ow! Ow!
- Hyahhh!
- Why are we fighting Captain Tightwad?
He didn't even commit a crime.
- What—what do you mean?
- Oh, Mr. Krabs, it's right here in
"Mermaid Man" number 98.
"No superhero shall fight a super villain
until that super villain has committed a crime."
- Uh... well... hey.
Ha-ha, see?
I just stole some money.
- Well, it's not really stealing if it's your own money.
- Oh, come on.
What do—what do I have to do here?
- Ahh-ahh-ahh!
- Are you sure about this?
Isn't robbing a bank against the law?
- Well, yes, Mr. Krabs, but you're not really
robbing a bank. You're just pretending to.
- And then we can play? - Yep.
- Oh, okay.
Ahoy.
Anyone home?
It's Captain Tightwad and Doctor Negative.
We're here to rob you.
Anyone here? Hello?
Barnacled nickels.
Can I help you ladies?
- Oh, yeah, thanks, old-timer.
Um, we're pretending to rob this bank.
Where's the tellers? Where's the money?
- Ain't no tellers.
ATM's outside.
Heh-heh-heh-heh.
- Aw, barnacles. I forgot me debit card.
- Wait a minute.
I don't care if you are ladies.
Nobody pretends to rob my bank.
- Ahh!
Ow!
Ehh...
- Whoa, you were so convincing.
You had that guard totally fooled.
I think we can skip to the end of the story.
Let's just stop here to pick up some props
for your evil lair.
We'll just need a few dollars... yoink!
- I'm supposed to be the villain,
so why do I feel like I'm being robbed?
- Okay Captain Tightwad...
Doctor Negative, you can come out now.
Ahh!
- Okay, so here's the scene.
You two have us here in this cage over a pool of boiling oil.
Now, that is a crime.
Now you can let us out so we can fight.
- Oh, I don't think we're going to do that.
- Hey, wha-wha-wha-what are you doing?
- Being evil.
Isn't that what you wanted?
Aren't you scared?
Boo-hoo?
- Boo-hoo? Do you expect us to cry?
- No, Mr. Bob.
I expect you to fry.
Ha-ha, ha-ha, hmm.
Okay, Squidward, playtime's over.
This is getting a little intense here.
- Too long have I suffered living between you two ninnies.
But now— now as Doctor Negative,
I shall finally exact my exquisite revenge!
- See, I just knew he'd make a terrific bad guy.
He is really committing.
- Yeah, you did a great job with casting.
- Could this be end of our Doofus Duo?
Deep-fried like two tenacious tater tots on tenterhooks?
- Swing, Boy Under. Swing the basket.
Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh.
Ahhh!
- Oh, boy, Mr. Krabs.
That was the best Mermaid Man playdate ever.
- Yeah, not bad.
But next time, we won't go so easy on ya.
- Eh... maybe I'll just stick to
reading comics from now on.
To the Mermalair!
Ahh... oof!
- And so ends another numskulled episode
of that preposterous pair:
Mermaid Pants and Barnacle Star.
Tune in next time for more mind-rotting adventures.
I've really got to find another job.
I wonder if it's too late to go back to college radio?