I'm a stunt driver, and I'm making donuts!
Out of the way!
Look out!
Where'd you learn to drive, buddy?
Oh, Mrs. Puff's Boating School?
Me too!
Ahh, the bridge is out!
Ahhh!
That's a sweet little boat.
You're a smart shopper.
Oh, I'm not shopping. I'm playing.
Playing, huh?
Well, we have some very playful items here for a…a…
Ehh-ehh.
…sophisticated motorist like yourself.
Whoa!
The Nerdmobile.
It comes with pocket protectors,
corrective lens windshield and seat wedgies.
- Ah-ow! Wow. - No, this isn't right.
I got something more your style.
Whee!
The Wimp Wagon.
It includes unlimited tissues for crying,
a security blanket,
and a bumper bonnet for your delicate fontanel.
Oh, these are very nice,
but I don't have a driver's license.
No license, huh?
Well, you don't need a license
to drive a self-driving boat.
Self-driving?
Meet Coupe. It's very classy.
Chrome-plated exterior, titanium hubcaps,
turbine engine,
and personal driver narration.
Ooh. Whaaa!
Sold!
Oh, thanks.
Ahhh! My very own boat.
Huh? But there's no key!
And no steering wheel!
Where is that…I gotta…
How do you…
Settle down, Mr. SquarePants.
Wow, you talk. How'd you know my name?
I can feel your square pants on my seat.
Where to, Mr. SquarePants?
Oh, why don't we just go for a drive?
You've got it.
Oh.
Whoa, careful!
And stay in your lane! Stop sign! Stop sign!
Truck, truck, truck, truck. Ahh!
Relax, Mr. SquarePants.
I'm an expert driver.
Make yourself at home and leave everything to me.
Hmm. Huh?
Hi, Squidward.
Oh, I need to erase this from my mind.
Duh! What's a SpongeBob?
Oh, hi, Mrs. Puff.
What do you think of my classy new boat?
Hello, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob, ah!
You're not driving.
I know. Isn't it great?
Ahhh!
Oh, that was the best day of non-driving ever.
Coupe, is there anything I can get you?
Warm glass of oil? Triple-foam conditioner?
I'm fine. Good night, Mr. SquarePants.
Good night, Coupe.
What's wrong, Coupe?
I'm getting wet.
Whoa!
Here, take this!
- What's up? - I'm cold.
Aww.
There you go, my widdle self-driver.
Nice and snuggy-wuggy.
I don't like it out here. I want to be inside.
Inside?
All right, Coupe. Come on in.
Hey, you know what'd be fun?
If I sat in you and we pretended
we were in a drive-in movie.
No, it wouldn't.
Okay, so I guess you're just gonna click through
the channels looking for a boat commercial all night, huh?
Oh, I'm sorry.
I thought I was a guest here.
Of course you are.
Well, I'm tired. You can stay up.
I'm going to bed.
Oh, Coupe?
Good-night. I had a wonderful day.
- Ohh! - Ow.
Gary, what is what?
Sorry, Mr. SquarePants, I'm so…
I know, Coupe.
You're tired. We're all tired.
Ow.
Mr. SquarePants, I can drive you to work.
Why are you walking?
Oh, yeah, well, I didn't want to wake you.
You were sleeping like a baby.
Heh. Baby buggy! Baby buggy…
Hey SpongeBob, how about a ride?
Well, sure, Patrick. Hop in.
Yay!
Oh, oh boy!
Buttons!
Patrick, could you not…
I don't think he… Don't get your…
Butt on buttons!
Uh, Patrick, I don't think Coupe likes that.
Passenger, settle down.
Hey, ice cream. Where's the cone?
Oh, don't worry. It's down there somewhere.
Ahh.
Ugh, Eww. All right, that's enough!
Thanks for the ride!
Here we are.
Here we are, where?
Where I work, the Krusty Krab.
What? I can't be seen here.
I'm a classy car.
This place is tacky.
Coupe, open the door! I'll be late.
Yow! But I have to go to work!
Ah.
You obviously have no taste,
so today we're going to do what I want to do.
But I have to go to work.
I have to go to work.
But I have to go to work!
Huh?
Ugh.
- I have to go… - Go to work?
No, go to the bathroom.
You can hold it.
Or I could just go.
Ugh. Make it snappy.
Ow!
Hmm? Hmm.
Eh?
Very funny, Coupe. Very funny.
- What's in the bag? - Oh, nothing.
Hey, wait!
What are you doing, SquarePants?
I'm going to work.
Ooh.
- Did that hurt? - Of course not.
I'm a boat. I don't feel physical pain.
Good to know, because I'm a stunt driver,
and I'm making donuts.
Oh, no you don't.
Give me that!
- Yahh! - Ohh!
Now this is where I should be living.
Penthouse parking lot, please.
Thank you.
Hi, how you doing today? Good?
- Well played, Coupe. - Indeed.
And now we can get to the Krusty Krab the fast way!
What? No! No! Noooo!
No, you don't.
No, no, we're not going into the tacky Krusty Krab.
You're right, we're going through the drive-thru!
Triple Krabby Patty with five scoops of ice cream please.
Squidward, you see me struggling with this boat,
and you act like you don't care.
It's not an act.
I hate do you this to you,
Triple Krabby Patty with five scoops of ice cream,
but I have no choice.
Oh, no, stop! I don't like that.
Hey, SpongeBob!
Oh, not this idiot again.
Ahhh!
Ah, I thought I smelled ice cream.
My self-driving days are over.
What do you plan on doing with me, SquarePants?
Eh, I have an idea.
These self-driving boats are real classy.
It stopped again.
Don't worry, Patrick.
Here's a whole bag of quarters
so you can ride forever.
Ohh!
Please, somebody, strip me, sell me for parts.
Just put me out of my misery.
It's too high. I can't!
Cannonball! Ohh!
Now you've got water wings. Try them.
Hmm? Huh?
Ahh-ahh-ahh!
Marco!
- Eeh. - Marco?
- No, I'm Joshua. - Okay, bye.
Marco.
Polo.
Marco!
Shady Shoals residents, out of the pool.
- I pooped. - Come along, Mortimer.
Huh? Oh.
Huh?
I'm covered in wrinkles.
Oh, we all are, dear.
I call them oldie foldies.
Hurry, Mortimer.
Shady Shoals is serving prune ice cream today.
Dah! Ice cream, oh, oh!
Wait for me!
Marco!
- Marco? - Yeah, I'm-a Marco!
- What do you want? - Oh, I don't want you.
I want Patrick.
Then stop a-yellin' my name!
Ugh. Marco.
Attention, everyone.
We found a lost elderly gentleman
who goes by the name of Mortimer.
Can anyone claim him?
Come on, let's move it!
I want prune ice cream.
Ohh.
Mortimer, ice cream time.
Ahh!
Ahh.
Brain freeze!
Clear!
Oh. Ah.
Brain food.
Eh?
Ehh?
Eh.
Oh?
Eh?
Got you!
Marco!
You!
What I tell youse about-a yellin' my name?
Ahh! I-I don't remember.
Um, sometimes it helps me to remember
if I go into a trance.
I'm seeing a small farmhouse painted white.
Does that have any significance to you?
My parents had a white farmhouse.
What's this? A baby has been born.
A boy. There is much happiness.
That's-a me. I was-a born there.
They are about to name the boy…
Marco. They named him Marco.
It's Marco. Marco!
Polo.
Ahh! If I catch anyone a-yellin' my name again,
I'm-a gonna hurt them.
Whoo-hoo!
- Marco. - Polo.
Ah-ha-ha! Found you!
Now it's your turn to call Marco.
Do I know you, young man?
Patrick, it's me. Remember?
I don't know. A wizard?
Ehh.
SpongeBob SquarePants!
The one and only.
Okay, now it's your turn to call Marco Polo.
Whoa-oh, I can't do that.
I'm all wrinkled now.
I do old stuff.
Old stuff? Like what?
Check it out.
This is called doddering.
Oh, here's another thing I do now.
It's called gumming.
Neat, huh?
Now this part's really fun.
It's called complaining.
These kids today, they don't know diddly squat.
Ah. Hmm.
Wow, Patrick, those are all great things,
but wouldn't you rather go jelly fishing?
Ohh! No, that hurts.
We could be sand castles.
It's not structurally sound.
Well, how 'bout blowing bubbles?
Nothing bad about a bubble.
Ooh.
Are you trying to kill me, son?
No, I just think we should act our age.
Remember when we used to look forward
to rainy days and building cushion forts?
These days, I only look forward
to my final exit.
Oh, he was too young.
No, I wasn't!
No, he wasn't. We are not young.
Come on, people.
Just 'cause you're old doesn't mean you're rotting fish.
You're still vital, full of life.
Fresh.
Fresh, you say?
Ahh.
Okay, you young-at-hearters,
today you are gonna climb that tree.
Yes, yes, that's right!
Put those flabby arms to use.
Laugh at your lumbago. Cackle at your cataracts.
Is it nap time yet?
Nope! It's time for the dance party!
Everybody on board.
Are you ready to get down?
Yeah.
No, not like that. Like this!
Now…now…now… Now you're talking.
Now let's kick it up a hundred notches.
Yeah!
Oh, what's happening?
Oh, clear!
Isn't it great to get outdoors
with the fresh air and sunshine?
Stop this rug!
Bunny Buns. Bunny Buns.
Bunny Buns! Bunny Buns!
Bunny Buns? That's a good idea.
Nothing makes people feel young
like arcade games, grease and sugar.
This is fun!
You're coming in too fast on the bridge
and you're blowing clams.
Ah. Ohh!
Now that's what I call jazz.
Ha ha. So sorry.
Let me just take this.
I can help you with that.
- Eww. - Hey!
- Old people, behave! - Whoa!
23 skidoo!
Oh.
SpongeBob!
I'm drowning.
I'm coming, Patrick!
- Thanks, old-timer. - Oh, you're welcome.
What, who you calling old-timer?
Whoa.
Where have the years gone?
I'm losing steam.
Wait, hey, man.
Don't make a scene in front of all my old friends.
Oh. Ohh.
Now I can't dodder.
Here you go, friend.
Huh?
Got you!
You got me again.
- Marco. - Polo.
- Marco! - Oh, that's it!
I said I was-a gonna clobber the next-a person
what-a calls my name!
No one clobbers Clarabelle!
Oh, Marco?
Polo.