Are you ready, kids?
Aye, aye, Captain!
I can't hear you.
Aye, aye, Captain!
SpongeBob SquarePants!
- all: SpongeBob SquarePants! - Ready?
SpongeBob SquarePants!
SpongeBob
SquarePants!
Greetings, children of Bikini Bottom.
I am Karen, the computer fairy.
And I have a magical tale to tell.
Once upon a time, there was a dim-witted sea star
who was about to stuff his fat face.
That idiot has such a huge pile of patties.
I don't think he'll notice if one walks away.
Aww, I need more ketchup.
Hmm, which patty to choose?
This one? Nope, too small.
This one? Nope, been chewed.
This one? Nope, the seeds are missing.
Stand up, you moron!
Get me an ice pack, you idiot!
Where are you, voice? Where are you?
Uh, Patrick?
Oh, it's you, SpongeBob.
I thought you were this crazy voice that keeps telling me
what to do.
Oh, that's probably your conscience.
What are "conscience"? Are they bad?
No, a conscience is a tiny voice inside you
that tells you the difference between something that's right
and something…
- That's wrong. - Hmm.
So I should do what the voice tells me to do?
Now that's a smart little sea star.
Patrick, this is your conscience speaking.
Oh, nice to meet you, conscience.
So stupid.
So, stupid, the first thing you need to do is buy some more
Krabby Patties on the double. Hi-ya, hey-o!
That'll be the first thing I do, conscience.
Yes!
Right after I run some errands.
Huh?
No!
I'm calling the shots here. Now get that Krabby Patty.
It's just a little list! Please, conscience?
All right, pea brain. Make it quick.
Number one: high-five everyone!
- Huh! - No, put me down first!
- Ow! - High five!
High five!
Low five!
High five!
- High five! - Ow!
High five!
- High five! - Ow!
Number two: Ice cream!
Yeah!
One Double Chocolate Molar Blowout, please.
One Molar Blowout, coming up!
No! You hate ice cream. You only want Krabby Patties.
Hey, you! Cancel that order!
Ow!
You hate high fives and ice cream?
Are you sure you're my conscience?
Uh, uh, I, uh…I'm absolutely positively your conscience.
Hey, doesn't your nose grow when you tell lies
- in fairy tales? - Nope.
Noses only grow when you make up the truth.
- Ooh. - See?
I wanna make up the truth too!
Uh, I ate a hot air balloon for breakfast.
Mm. I-I mean, um…
I did not eat a hot air balloon for breakfast.
Hey, I got a big nose too! Nose fight!
En garde!
Hey!
Hooray!
Uh-oh.
Sorry.
Time to let your conscience be your guide.
Give me that list!
- Here. - Hey, only one errand left.
Gotta give a Plankton a Krabby Patty!
Wonder why I wanted to give Plankton a patty?
Why not Plankton? He's a sweetheart.
Huh?
And as your conscience, I demand you toss that patty
in the mail slot!
Ooh, I love mail slot toss!
Hmm!
Not so hard! Hmm?
Mm!
I've been wanting to hit the beach all week.
Goo Lagoon!
- Goo Lagoon! - Huh?
Huh?
Patrick, please promptly pursue Plankton's patty.
Get the idea?
How many planktons does it take to change a light bulb?
One.
Oh, now I get the idea!
Ouch!
Wait for me, you pink pinhead!
Mmm.
- Ow. - Ow!
Hey, watch it!
Ow!
Huh?
There's blubber mouth.
There's Plankton's patty!
- You know what to do. - Do I?
Oh, yeah!
Huh?
Whoa!
Oh, well.
No patty for Plankton.
I'm going in!
Ugh, just being near a whale's mouth
gives me the creeps.
Quiet, you fool! You'll wake up Pearl.
This is snug.
Mother always said I'd end up in a whale's belly.
- Or prison. - Hey, who-a goes-a there?
- Who goes where? - The name's a-Geppetto.
Take off your hats. Stay a while.
We don't have time for a visit, old man.
We're just trying to find our sandwich!
Sandwich?
No, I haven't seen anything like that
around here in months.
Huh?
Hey, Geppetto, what's that behind your back?
- Is that our Krabby Patty? - Nope.
Aha!
- I got the patty! - Aha!
I got the wig!
Son, they're-a stealing our food-a!
Who's stealing our food, Pop?
Let me at 'em, let me at 'em!
Get him, Pinocchio!
Oh, no. A stomachache at the beach?
That's no fun. I wish it would go away.
- Hmm? - Your wish is granted.
Hold out your hand.
Wow! What is this?
For fast relief of indigestion,
try Gush and Flush and wash your pain down the drain.
And my stupid husband, while you're at it.
Ah.
Thank you, extra-strength Gush and Flush!
Huh?
Don't worry about the patty, Patrick.
I'll take it to Plankton myself,
like a good little conscience. See you.
Oh, hey, Patrick.
- My conscience? - You are?
Yep, I'm Patrick's conscience.
But I overslept.
Well, if you're my conscience, Conscience,
- then who's that? - It's a bug!
Step on it!
And they all lived happily ever after.
So until next time, this is…
- Karen! - The computer fairy,
hoping all your dreams come true.
Let me at 'em, Pop. Let me at 'em.
Let me at 'em, let me… aww!
You people are proof that evolution can go in reverse!
Pew! Pew! Pew!
Mr. Squidward, why aren't these walking
wallets spending money?
Because they're too busy watching SpongeBob cook.
- What? - Ow!
Well, he's not exactly maximerizing his work time
with those flourishes.
But boy, does that boyo have talent.
And talent is worth money.
I have X-ray vision!
I can see through walls.
Calm your waters, lad. I just knocked it down.
I…why'd you do that?
In the restaurant business, it's called an open kitchen,
so the customers can watch the cook cook.
Oh, Mr. Krabs, I don't know if I can take
- that kind of pressure. - Nonsense.
You're a born performer. Ooh.
Here.
You've even got your own dressing room.
Huh? Huh? Huh?
Come on, boyo, it's showtime.
I can't.
I've got stage fright.
SpongeBob, if you don't come out, you're fired.
There he is!
Chef Bob!
Me little star!
Break a leg. Break two legs.
- My leg! - Shut up, Fred.
What?
That's just wrong!
Come on, boyo, razzle-dazzle them!
Huh?
Oh, what do I do? What do I do?
Huh? Oh.
Hi, everybody! Who's hungry?
I guess I am.
Welcome, welcome to my job in the kitchen of Chef Bob.
I cook and dance, I wear square pants,
cooking for this hungry mob.
The little Chef Bob is a sensation.
Hi, everybody! Who's hungry?
We are!
Yay!
Yah! Yah!
Ah! Huh? Huh?
Voila!
Oh, look at the time.
I gotta get home and get my beauty sleep.
Oh, what died on that guy's neck?
- Oh, it's his head. - Huh?
Hey, what died on your neck? Oh, it's your head.
Why, that little plagiarist. That was my line!
Obviously the sleep hasn't been helping!
Did-did I say that? I didn't say that.
Hey, do me.
- Insult me. - All right.
Roses are red, violets are blue,
I was born pretty, what happened to you?
That was a good one.
Huh? Whoa!
Chef Bob, we don't speak like that to our customers.
Me next! Shoot me a zinger!
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't get that.
I don't speak goober!
I love it. Guilty as charged.
Oh, great. I've created a monster.
A funny, talented monster.
Oh, I gotta hand it to you.
That new insult comedy act is really bringing in the money.
- Ah, what's this here? - Sorry, Mr. Krabs.
It's a list of things Chef Bob needs for his dressing room.
Oh, does he?
Fresh-cut seaweed,
a manicurist for SpongeBob's puppet hand…What?
A bigger dressing room?
In the meantime, we'll just take over your office,
- blubber boy. - Blubber boy?
Huh? Oh.
No way!
What's the matter, Krabs?
You don't like money?
What? Of course I like money.
The office will be ready in five minutes.
Chef Bob, I think your insults are mean and hurtful.
What do you say we just go back to the Krabby Patty routines,
- huh? - Need I remind you that
my insults pay your salary?
Yes, sir. I mean, no, sir.
Chef Bob, you stole my line.
I do all the insults around here.
Oh, I am so sorry, Squidward.
You're absolutely right.
Um, oh, well, uh, thank you.
It's-it's-it's really not such a big deal.
Let me make it up to you. Hi, everybody!
I'd like to introduce you to a very good friend of mine.
Squidward Tentacles!
Huh? Oh, no, please, please.
You're-you're too kind.
I was gonna ask Squidward how old he was,
but then I remembered he can't count that high.
Huh?
All right, that's it!
You can't talk to Squidward that way!
He is one of my best friends.
That's even more insulting.
Get a load of him, folks!
He must've been born on a highway because that's where
most accidents happen. Yeah!
- Ow! - Not funny!
He scores!
Have a drink!
No, no!
En garde!
Oh! Ah! Ugh!
Me customers!
All right, enough of this.
Chef Bob, you are hereby fired!
Mr. Squidward, will you do the honors?
Let me help you slip into something more comfortable.
Like the gutter.
I learned a very valuable lesson today.
To always be yourself and not hide behind a puppet?
Well, yeah, that, but mostly don't slam your puppet hand
in a register drawer.
Ow.
What is it, Mr. Squidward?
It's-it's alive!
And now it's time for…
"The Chef Bob Cooking with Insults Show"!
And here's your host, Chef Bob!
Hi, everybody! Who's hungry?
All right, roses are red, violets are blue.
I was born pretty, what happened to you?
Yay, yeah!