- Are you ready, kids?
Aye, aye, Captain!
- I can't hear you.
Aye, aye, Captain!
SpongeBob SquarePants!
- Ready?
SpongeBob SquarePants!
SquarePants!
- Oh, Lady Upturn!
Always a delight to have you back at our gallery.
- I'm bored by the art in my home.
What do you have that's new and interesting?
Ick.
- Oh, I-I've been saving our newest and finest
pieces just for you.
This work is by one of our emerging artists.
- Bleh.
Where did they emerge from, under a rock?
- Ah, how did you know?
- Lady Upturn, I am so, so sorry.
I should never have shown you that dreck.
Never fear.
This next work is guaranteed to excite.
Bikini Bottom's premier dance troupe
has created a performance so new,
even they don't know what it is yet.
- Yawn.
Moving in time to music is hardly new.
This does nothing for me, either.
- Oh, surely, there's something here you'll enjoy.
- No, I'm afraid not.
Regigilled!
I need a walk to clear my mind.
Carry me. - Very good, ma'am.
- Alas, I have failed.
Ow.
- Whoo!
- No!
- Oh? - Oh.
My apologies, madam.
I shall remove your person from this cacophony at once.
- No, no, Regigilled. Take me closer.
- As you wish.
- You, there!
Yes, you!
- I'm allowed to play my clarinet here.
It's a free ocean, you know.
I'm not stopping!
- Stop?
I wouldn't dream of it.
That is the most interesting and avant-garde music
I have heard in years.
Oh, it is sublime.
Do you have a patron? I simply must be yours.
- Yeah, yeah, very funny.
What is this, one of those hidden-camera TV prank shows?
- Heavens, no.
Television is the lowest form of art.
Regigilled, pay the man.
- You can't just buy the soul of a raw talent like myself.
Lady, you just bought yourself an artist.
Hello, losers.
- Hi, Squidward.
- What's with all the joy, Mr. Squidward?
- I'm a paid musician now.
- You? Musician? Paid?
- Laugh all you want, but it's true.
I don't need this minimum-wage prison anymore.
I quit.
Huh?
- Wow!
Squidward's dreams are finally coming true.
- Welcome to your new home, Mr. Tentacles.
- Oh, my, it's incredible.
But where are you going to live?
- The mansion is mine.
You just get one tiny room.
- Oh, my.
Wow!
- I cannot wait to show you off
to my wealthy, taste-making friends,
so you better get writing.
- Yes, ma'am, ma'am.
- Toodle-oo, you genius, you.
Out of my way, peon.
- So sorry, my lord.
- Wow, Squidward.
That was very, uh, confident of you.
- Yes.
Being an artist requires having an artist's temperament,
you boob.
What took you so long?
Now, then, I'm only here to invite you
both to my big debut concert.
- Huh?
- Witness my rebirth on the grandest stage
in Bikini Bottom...
if you can get the time off.
- Somehow, he's even more annoying now
than when he worked here.
- Wait, Mr. Krabs.
Squidward is just being insufferable because his dreams
are coming true.
We have to go and support him. We're his friends.
- Well, "friends" is a strong word, but fine.
- Hiya, Squidward.
Mr. Krabs and I just wanted to wish you luck
before your big show.
- Luck? Don't be stupid.
I'm the greatest musician who ever lived.
Rich people say so.
- Can't argue with money. - Now, go find your seats.
I'm in the middle of my pre-show ritual,
and I don't want to be bothered.
- Eh.
- Good evening, music lovers.
Like me, I'm sure you are tired of the same old notes being
played the same old ways.
Well, fear not.
Tonight you will finally hear something new.
Tonight I present to you
Mr. Squidward Tentacles.
- Forget your wedding.
Forget the birth of your first child.
This is going to be
the greatest night of your lives.
Oh!
- Oh, isn't it dazzling, Doctor?
- Hmm. Mm-hmm.
Yes.
Pardon me, Lady Upturn.
May I...?
- Of course, Dr. Fishberg.
- Lady Upturn, there's a jellyfish blocking your ears.
- Oh, goodness!
It must have gotten stuck up there during my walk
through Jellyfish Fields.
- Oh. Is that what he really sounds like?
This music is terrible!
- Indeed.
The jellyfish's buzzing must have altered the noise
to be more pleasurable for you.
- Oh!
- Stop that racket!
Stop it!
- How dare you interrupt m—
- I have a confession to make.
A jellyfish was obstructing my ears,
so I hadn't truly heard this fraud's music.
And now that I have,
I am offended!
- Hey!
- To make up for this abysmal performance,
I would like to invite you all back to my home
to experience real music
by my newest artiste, Maestro Patrick Star.
- What?
- [screams, laughs]
- Yay!
- Huh? Uh...
Oh.
- Whoo! Go, Squidward! - Encore! Encore!
- We want more!
- Do you really mean it?
- Of course.
We've got jellyfish.
- Huh.
I'll take what I can get.
- Yeah! Whoo! - Whoo-hoo!
- Come on, Squidward!
- This just in: New evidence that
unidentified flying objects have been secretly visiting
Bikini Bottom for years.
General, what are the chances that these photos
and videos are just a hoax?
- 99.99999%.
- There you have it—
conclusive proof that there is a 0.00001% chance
UFOs are real.
- That means there could be evidence of UFOs anywhere!
- Let's go find some.
- Here, alien.
- Alien! Alien!
- Hmm. - Huh?
- Uh, huh?
- Huh?
- It's the middle of the night!
What are you two idiots doing?
- We found an alien crop circle!
- It's only a crop circle because you're
stomping on my begonias!
- Huh?
- Okay.
Yeah, that is us.
- We're hunting space aliens and UFOs.
- Space aliens and UFOs do not exist.
Go to sleep!
Okay.
You want to see space aliens?
I'll show you space aliens.
- This could definitely be a UFO.
A real UFO!
First contact!
Whoa!
- Intergalactic.
- Spacey.
- Cosmic.
- We just got hit by a flying saucer!
- Yeah! - Yeah! Cool!
- Cool! Yeah!
Greetings, earthlings.
- A r-r-real space alien.
Greetings, sir.
It's me, you tinfoil twits.
It was all me.
Space aliens don't exist.
Got it?
- Thank you, Squidward.
We can see now how silly we really were.
I know.
Let's play superheroes instead.
- Yeah!
At least we know they're real.
- Idiots.
- At last, evidence of our ancient aquatic ancestors.
- We must take the artifact back to the ship.
We'll be rich.
Rich, I say.
- I told you two, space aliens don't exist.
Go away!
- Oh, no.
The artifact is infested with a parasite.
- We must eradicate it before our departure.
- I'm telling you, it's always something.
- Huh?
Who—who's there?
Ahh!
- Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
- Ah-ha!
- My holes!
My holes!
Oh, my holes!
- Thank Neptune I have my readers.
Have SpongeBob and Patrick gone cuckoo?
You!
SpongeBob and Patrick, take off those stupid masks!
I know it's you.
- Stop it.
You're hurting me.
- Mayday! Mayday!
We need backup.
- Will you two shut up in there?
I'm trying to get your heads—
off?
Those nimrods were right.
Aliens are real!
SpongeBob, let me in!
You were right!
Tell Patrick you were right!
- Success.
The vermin has evacuated.
- Let's take the artifact to our ship
before that horrible stinkbug comes back.
- No! Wait! Wait!
Wait, wait, wait!
Hmm.
- So I says, I'll show youa tractor beam.
- All right, who's in charge here?
I want to speak to the manager.
- Manager?
Take me to your leader.
- That would be our supervisor.
His office is down this hall.
You just make a left then a right.
- Don't talk to him.
He is the vermin we eradicated.
- Looks like somebody failed eradication class.
- Zip it.
I outrank you both.
- I want you to put my home back where you found it.
- Could you step forward?
I'm hard of hearing.
- Sure.
And another thing.
What's the big idea of coming to my planet
and taking my house out of my yard
just because it looked like your stupid head?
- Talking vermin are the worst kind.
Am I right?
- Just so it's not a total loss,
I say we run some tests and do a probe.
- Hooray! We're doing a probe!
Probe! Probe! Probe!
Probe! Probe! - Probe?
- Probe! Probe! Probe!
Probe! Probe!
- X-ray.
Despite the large cranium,
the brain seems below average size.
- Hey!
- High blood pressure.
Better watch that temper.
Rotate neck.
Nose hose.
Impressive storage space.
Now for the fun part.
- Ahh!
- Freedom!
Hut. Hut. Hut. Hut. Hut.
Huh?
- Daddy.
Huh?
No!
Please don't probe me!
Huh?
- In this probe, I will be asking you
embarrassing questions about your childhood.
- Well, I guess I did have trouble making friends.
- Then when I was three, I said, "Mumsy, I told you,
I don't like kelp juice."
And she said, "Well, I don't like being called Mumsy."
And then— Enough!
- Good riddance, vermin.
Keep your dumb, old artifact.
- And you can keep your mother stories too.
Oy vey!
- Squidward, if I didn't know better,
I'd be thinking that was a real alien spaceship.
- But we do know better, huh, Squidward?
- I was wrong, okay?
Aliens are real!
I was on their ship, and I was telling them about my mother,
and—and—and—and—
- We get it, Squidward.
- Aliens don't exist!
- But they do exist.
Of course.