Wake up, Gary!
It's time for
Bikini Bottom News with Perch Perkins.
Oh, good thinking, Gary.
The news can be pretty topsy-turvy.
Meow.
Good evening, Bikini Bottom.
In tonight's top story,
a local squirrel got stuck in a well.
Help! Get me outta here, y'all!
Must be embarrassing for whoever that is.
But first, radical changes in machine intelligence
were made today when a local squirrel got stuck in a well!
- Ow!
Yee-haw!
Looks like we won't be needing those lazy firemen anymore!
Huh?
This just in!
Local TV news reporter Perch Perkins
has been fired!
- Fired? - Meow?
Fired?
The long-time local news veteran
is being replaced by the latest in reporting technology,
Newsbot 2000,
effective immediately.
Yes. Thank you, Perch.
You can't do this to me.
We here at Bikini Bottom News
salute you for your years of service.
Sorry, sir.
We can't let you leave with any company property.
Can't I at least keep the box?
Of course.
But the hair belongs to the studio.
That wasn't a toupee.
This is terrible!
A robot could never replace someone like Perch
in our hearts!
I won't stand for this!
I'm gonna give that news studio
a piece of my mind!
We want Perch!
Bring back Perch!
Pardon me, sir.
Would you care to tell the folks back home more
about your protest?
Oh, of course!
You see, Perch Perkins is my favorite newsman
in the whole ocean
and—uh. Wait a second.
Perch?
Is that you?
- No loitering!
As a fan of Perch Perkins,
what do you think about a robot taking his job?
You can't just replace someone with a machine!
Pat-tron, take over this protest for me.
Perch! Come back!
We need you!
Oh, no.
Old Reporters Row!
Where TV reporters finish out their off-air years.
Low of 55. High of 72.
Out top stories— Back to you, Bob.
Perch!
You don't belong here!
Do you trust your breakfast cereal?
Is King Neptune's crown too small?
for or against?
Here's a burning story.
This reporter's stash of old magazines is running low.
Perch? Thank goodness!
We have to get you outta here!
Why bother?
The only thing I know how to do is hold a microphone.
And Newsbot has that all sewn up.
Who else would hire me?
There's lots of places that can use a fish of your talents.
Come on. I'll show ya.
Barg'n-Mart?
Hmm.
I suppose we could use someone
to make in-store announcements.
Welcome aboard!
Huh?
Uh... Attention, Barg'n-Mart shoppers.
Cheese is on sale in the dairy aisle.
Wow!
And fresh flowers are marked down in the floral department!
Perch Perkins. Aisle Seven News.
Can you tell us what happened here?
Well, Perch.
I was procuring my pickles
when I noticed my palms had grown quite dewy.
- Whoa! - Whoa!
Alas, my realization came too late!
My hands, slickened from exertion,
could not hold on to their briny bounty!
A heart-wrenching tale.
Perkins!
You're supposed to call for a clean up!
Not interview the mess maker!
Look at all these injured customers!
My pickled leg!
You're fired!
Perch!
That's okay.
I lined up another job for ya.
Oh.
Luckily, I know a guy here.
Perch. Hey!
Welcome to the Krusty Krab!
Always good to have a former celebrity on the team.
Thank you?
SpongeBob said you're good on the microphone.
So, I'm putting you on drive-through duty!
Hehe. Haven't used it in a couple of years.
Okay. Start making me some money.
- Larry wants to order
a Krabby Patty.
Would you like fries with that?
- Sure! Why not? - Oh.
Would you like to upgrade to a Krabby Combo
and get a small soda?
Uh, okay?
Would you like to explain why your gym
has been hit with 15 health code violations
- this month? - Uh.
Uh, Larry's a busy lobster, you know.
Several hard-hitting hours later...
Larry just wanted to work out.
He didn't mean for all those people to get athlete's shell!
Perkins!
Let me guess.
You're firing me?
Here's the scoop: Yes!
Perch, where are you going?
Back to Old Reporter Row where I belong.
Oh, no. We're not giving up yet!
If you're no good at anything else,
then you'll just have to report the news again.
But how?
Don't you worry.
I've got a plan.
Please take Perch back!
You have to!
Wah!
Hmm, as the manager of this news network,
give me one good reason why I should.
Because Perch Perkins can out-report
your dumb old Newsbot
anytime, anywhere!
Ha. I'd like to see him try.
Good. Then you will.
SpongeBob, I can't out-report him.
The guy's a machine. Literally.
I believe in you, Perch Perkins.
Okay.
It is on.
It's a news-off!
You know the rules.
Whoever reports the most news in the time allowed,
wins.
On your mark.
Get set.
News!
Oh, the huge manatee!
A simple news-off turned ugly today when—
Breaking news! A pile-up has left
multiple boats mangled beyond recognition!
This just in!
A towering inferno in downtown Bikini Bottom!
News flash!
A tidal wave is headed straight for the city!
And this reporter has an exclusive interview!
Mr. Wave, why are you doing this?
Grr!
Time to turn the news up a notch!
Bikini Bottom streets pocked with potholes!
Scoop!
Who keeps tipping over our old ladies?
News flash!
The bridge to Shell City has collapsed!
My leg!
Exclusive!
There's no way anyone could report that much news.
Unless...
Come on, SpongeBob!
Mysterious rash covers beach goers!
Bikini Bottom bank robbed!
Vandals strike local fast food restaurant!
Argh!
We interrupt this onslaught of news
to bring you a special report.
Local news robot, Newsbot,
has been causing the very stories he reports on!
He destroys the bridges!
He robs the banks!
He tips over the old ladies!
And right now, he is cutting the brakes
on this bus full of adorable baby snails!
Excuse me, Newsbot.
Care to comment on your crimes?
Uh-uh—This isn't what it looks like!
It looks like you ran out of news
so you made your own.
I—uh—
So, which came first?
The news story or the reporter?
N-news! R-reporter! Old ladies!
Exploding boats— My face!
For more, let's go to our man on the street.
Newsbot.
Report! Report! Report! Report!
Explode!
Congratulations, Perch.
Looks like you are un-fired!
Hooray! You did it!
Here's your news hair back!
This just in.
Gary!
- Meow. - Gary?
Where are you, Gere-bear?
- Meow.
- Gary!
Gary!
How did you get up there, you silly snail?
Come on. Jump!
Jumpity-jump-jump-jump!
Meow.
Huh.
"In case of pet in tree, pull down."
All right.
Did someone call the fire department?
Wow.
Step aside, citizen.
Ladder. First aid. Blanket.
Let's hustle, people. Hustle!
Okay.
Here I come.
Yeah.
You're safe now, sonny.
Almost there.
Meow. Meow.
Thank you for rescuing my little Gare bear.
Hey, Larry.
I'd like to be a firefighter.
Can I be one, please? Can I please?
Sorry, SpongeBob.
There are no openings at this time.
I think I shattered my skeleton.
- Again.
Ooh. I may regret this
but it looks like we do have an opening.
See you at the firehouse, I guess.
The next day.
Gahhoydin!
You okay there, SpongeBob?
Oh, yeah. Haha. Reporting for duty!
Meow. Meow—
- I brought my own snail-mation!
Okay.
Well, welcome to the Bikini Bottom
Volunteer Fire Department!
Oh, yeah! Where's the fire? Where's the fire?
I'm gonna fight it! I'm gonna fight it!
Where is it? Where? Where?
Yep. I'm regretting it.
Here we keep the hoses that extinguish the fires.
Well, they sure extinguished my thirst!
Upstairs.
This is the bunk room where we rest up between fires.
Ooh! Should I pick a bunk?
No, too soft. Too hard.
Tutu?
Too lumpy. Whoa.
Patrick!
I'm gonna start fires!
Put out fires. We put out fires.
If you say so.
Rookie, meet your fellow volunteer,
Charmed, I'm sure.
My pleasure. You look familiar.
Hey! What's that?
The First Fire?
Wow!
Is this the first fire in the history of forever?
No. It's the first fire we ever got called to.
We keep it as a memento.
Hey! Fire poles!
Wow! Can we slide down the poles?
Hold on there, greenhorns.
You need to learn which one to use.
This is the pole to the fire boat.
This one's to the kitchen.
It's slippery.
It's buttered.
This pole goes to the bathroom.
That's my ride.
Ooh. Where does this pole go?
Oh, that one's the mystery pole.
It never goes to the same place twice.
I love a mystery!
- Yay! - No! Wait!
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
How do you stop this crazy thing?
Hit the brakes!
No! No! Huh?
Do you still love a mystery?
Not so much these days.
All right. Line up!
Squidward!
You volunteered too?
Not me. Mr. Krabs.
He was court-mandated for this
but sent me in his stead.
I'm a proxy.
Ooh. Hi, proxy. I'm boxy.
I'm foxy.
Well, then I'm an escapee.
All right. Listen up!
This is the training area.
The reason why there are three of you
is because one Old Man Walker
is worth three good men.
And I couldn't find three good men
so I got you...
Your training starts now!
And hopefully ends at some point.
First up, fire hose skills.
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Help! Fire!
Someone save my baby!
We'll save your baby!
Careful, SpongeBob. Slowly.
- Save my baby!
- Mama! What she said!
Oh.
I saved the baby, chief.
And what about the mother?
The-the mother?
The mother!
Congratulations, men.
You passed your training.
- Yeah! - Woohoo!
Kill me now.
You're all volunteer firefighters.
- Huzzah.
Huh?
Sorry, Squidward. We're out of fire helmets and walkie talkies.
But, um...
Here's some stuff left over from our last party.
Another pet in a tree?
I've got better things to do.
Like sleep. Hmm?
Look alive, men!
You've got your very first assignment!
It's Spot! He's stuck in the tree!
Wow.
What was I thinking? It's SpongeBob!
Never mind. Sorry to bother you.
He can stay in the tree.
Step aside, citizen.
Ladder. First aid. Blanket!
Hustle, people!
Yeah, this is firefighter SpongeBob to Chief Larry.
The rescue subject just regurgitated all over Patrick.
Squidward got hurled on too.
Keep up the good work.
Come on, boy.
- Jump!
Meow.
Good snail-mation!
- Huh?
Do you hear that?
There's a fire somewhere!
A real fire!
Hustle!
- Huh?
Oh, uh, Squidward. The siren is broken.
Could you, uh,
Watch where you're going, bozo!
A fire house on fire.
Talk about your cheap irony.
Help!
The First Fire escaped!
Save me!
Okay. Jump!
Whoa!
Well, that was a rip off!
Okay, men. Fire hose skills!
- Mother of Pearl!
Don't worry, you're saved!
Hey! You know—
Did somebody need three good men?
Meow! Meow!
Now, hold on in there, you kids.
Wow!
Ha! Didn't I tell ya
Old Man Walker is worth three good men?
Hey! Where's SpongeBob?
Yes! I saved it!
I saved the First Fire!
- Whoa!
I wonder if I can volunteer for something safer.
Medical experiments. That sounds good.
This is your lucky day!
I'm also a volunteer doctor.