1
00:00:02,746 --> 00:00:04,079
Charlie bradbury.

2
00:00:04,081 --> 00:00:05,581
Aah!
Geez!

3
00:00:05,798 --> 00:00:06,914
I erase the drive first.

4
00:00:06,916 --> 00:00:08,665
Then I go back
to my old life, right?

5
00:00:08,667 --> 00:00:10,667
You don't have
an old life anymore.

6
00:00:10,669 --> 00:00:13,220
Never contact me again,
like, ever.

7
00:00:13,222 --> 00:00:15,055
If you stay,
I would be with you.

8
00:00:15,057 --> 00:00:17,758
But if you leave...
don't come back.

9
00:00:17,760 --> 00:00:18,976
Whatever you decide...

10
00:00:20,311 --> 00:00:22,396
decide.

11
00:00:23,598 --> 00:00:24,881
Listen, Benny,

12
00:00:24,883 --> 00:00:27,901
everything you've done for me
I will never forget.

13
00:00:27,903 --> 00:00:30,154
But, uh...

14
00:00:30,156 --> 00:00:31,655
End of the line?

15
00:00:31,657 --> 00:00:32,856
Adios.

16
00:00:45,371 --> 00:00:47,871
How dare you?

17
00:00:47,873 --> 00:00:49,289
Lance.

18
00:00:49,291 --> 00:00:52,960
Yeah, that's right.
I'm talking to Lance, not ...

19
00:00:52,962 --> 00:00:55,412
well, then we both cut corners
to get close to her,

20
00:00:55,414 --> 00:00:57,548
but that wasn't cheating.

21
00:00:57,550 --> 00:01:01,685
Dude, it's just a game.

22
00:01:03,922 --> 00:01:06,256
It's just a game.

23
00:01:41,726 --> 00:01:44,428
Help!

24
00:01:44,430 --> 00:01:45,813
Help!

25
00:01:45,815 --> 00:01:47,764
Help me!

26
00:01:55,939 --> 00:01:59,939
== sync, corrected by elderman ==

27
00:02:12,101 --> 00:02:13,318
You okay, man?

28
00:02:16,039 --> 00:02:17,872
We have
the most powerful weapon

29
00:02:17,874 --> 00:02:19,324
we've ever had
against demons,

30
00:02:19,326 --> 00:02:21,709
and we can't find
a way to use it.

31
00:02:21,711 --> 00:02:23,211
Yeah, well,
Kevin's on it.

32
00:02:23,213 --> 00:02:25,580
And when he finds something,
he'll call.

33
00:02:25,582 --> 00:02:26,831
So we wait.

34
00:02:28,884 --> 00:02:32,003
Look, we have both
had a rough go

35
00:02:32,005 --> 00:02:34,255
over these past
couple of weeks.

36
00:02:34,257 --> 00:02:35,673
And, uh...

37
00:02:35,675 --> 00:02:38,959
I know what you gave up
wasn't easy.

38
00:02:38,961 --> 00:02:42,513
Maybe we ought to
take the night off ...

39
00:02:42,515 --> 00:02:45,733
go see a flick,
hit a bar or two,

40
00:02:45,735 --> 00:02:47,802
have some fun.

41
00:02:47,804 --> 00:02:50,471
You remember fun,
don't you, Sammy?

42
00:02:57,814 --> 00:02:59,197
Kevin,
what do you got?

43
00:02:59,199 --> 00:03:00,981
Hey.
Garth. Hey.

44
00:03:00,983 --> 00:03:02,500
Why don't you grab
a piece of paper?

45
00:03:02,502 --> 00:03:05,336
Really? Okay.
Uh, yeah.

46
00:03:05,338 --> 00:03:06,788
Thanks, man.
Yeah, all right.

47
00:03:06,790 --> 00:03:09,490
Oh, wait, hey ... hey, Garth.
Garth, are you there? -Yeah.

48
00:03:09,492 --> 00:03:11,426
H-how'd you know
where we are?

49
00:03:11,428 --> 00:03:12,493
Yeah, you've been Garthed.

50
00:03:12,495 --> 00:03:14,995
Look, it's bad enough
that you're tracking us,

51
00:03:14,997 --> 00:03:17,131
but it's even worse

52
00:03:17,133 --> 00:03:19,434
when you say
we've been "Garthed."

53
00:03:19,436 --> 00:03:20,968
Yeah.

54
00:03:22,105 --> 00:03:23,971
Okay, we got to lose
the GPS on our phones

55
00:03:23,973 --> 00:03:25,606
because Garth
has been tracking us,

56
00:03:25,608 --> 00:03:28,609
and other hunters, apparently,
to assign cases.

57
00:03:28,611 --> 00:03:30,728
Smart.

58
00:03:30,730 --> 00:03:32,230
A total Bobby move.

59
00:03:32,232 --> 00:03:34,399
What's the deal?

60
00:03:34,401 --> 00:03:37,902
Uh, well, it's close ...
Farmington Hills, Michigan.

61
00:03:37,904 --> 00:03:40,571
Dude got ripped limb from limb
inside his locked apartment.

62
00:03:40,573 --> 00:03:41,956
That's not good.

63
00:03:41,958 --> 00:03:44,242
Working a case.

64
00:03:44,244 --> 00:03:46,627
As long as
we're waiting on Kevin,

65
00:03:46,629 --> 00:03:48,046
that'll be our fun.

66
00:03:55,137 --> 00:03:56,337
Sheriff.

67
00:03:56,339 --> 00:03:57,755
Special Agent Taggart.

68
00:03:57,757 --> 00:03:59,891
This is my partner,
Special Agent Rosewood.

69
00:03:59,893 --> 00:04:02,226
FBI?
You guys are quick.

70
00:04:02,228 --> 00:04:03,644
Haven't even
got the body out yet.

71
00:04:03,646 --> 00:04:07,214
Well, the FBI is all work,
no play.

72
00:04:07,216 --> 00:04:08,549
You know,
why don't you give me the tour

73
00:04:08,551 --> 00:04:09,817
while my partner
looks around?

74
00:04:09,819 --> 00:04:11,319
I work better on my own.

75
00:04:11,321 --> 00:04:15,356
Your world, Agent.
Follow me.

76
00:04:22,865 --> 00:04:25,950
Vic's name was Ed Nelson,
31 years old,

77
00:04:25,952 --> 00:04:28,169
an insurance-claim
adjuster.

78
00:04:28,171 --> 00:04:31,005
He lived alone,
which was a real shocker,

79
00:04:31,007 --> 00:04:33,124
considering his place
is full of toys.

80
00:04:33,126 --> 00:04:36,243
So what happened?

81
00:04:36,245 --> 00:04:37,845
No sign of forced entry.

82
00:04:37,847 --> 00:04:41,966
Near as we can tell,
he was tied up and pulled apart.

83
00:04:41,968 --> 00:04:44,302
Died of the shock
or massive blood loss.

84
00:04:44,304 --> 00:04:45,853
Dealer's choice
on that one.

85
00:04:45,855 --> 00:04:48,306
So what about
these chains?

86
00:04:48,308 --> 00:04:49,807
That's actually
chain mail.

87
00:04:49,809 --> 00:04:52,643
Seriously?

88
00:04:52,645 --> 00:04:54,428
We did find
clear rope-burn marks

89
00:04:54,430 --> 00:04:56,764
on his wrists and ankles.

90
00:05:03,322 --> 00:05:06,908
Huh.

91
00:05:06,910 --> 00:05:11,245
So, anything...

92
00:05:11,247 --> 00:05:12,914
missing from the body?

93
00:05:12,916 --> 00:05:15,616
You mean aside
from the arms and legs?

94
00:05:16,668 --> 00:05:19,670
Uh...
Nope.

95
00:05:19,672 --> 00:05:21,472
All there ...
twig and berries, too.

96
00:05:21,474 --> 00:05:24,642
What about the neighbors?
Did they hear anything weird?

97
00:05:24,644 --> 00:05:25,810
Uh,
neighbor downstairs said

98
00:05:25,812 --> 00:05:27,895
she got woke up
in the middle of the night

99
00:05:27,897 --> 00:05:29,664
by the sound of horses

100
00:05:29,666 --> 00:05:31,165
stomping their feet
and galloping.

101
00:05:31,167 --> 00:05:34,819
We didn't find
any hoofprints.

102
00:05:34,821 --> 00:05:38,189
She probably heard a TV
or was having a bad dream

103
00:05:38,191 --> 00:05:39,974
or she was high as balls.

104
00:05:39,976 --> 00:05:43,945
Fortunately, we got a real lead
off his cellphone.

105
00:05:43,947 --> 00:05:45,947
According to
the phone records,

106
00:05:45,949 --> 00:05:50,201
Ed's last call was from a guy
called Lance Jacobsen,

107
00:05:50,203 --> 00:05:54,755
an accountant, also 30s,
also lives alone.

108
00:05:54,757 --> 00:05:56,674
How's he a lead?

109
00:05:56,676 --> 00:05:59,260
The two of them talked together
for 15 minutes,

110
00:05:59,262 --> 00:06:03,347
and then Lance sent Ed here
all kinds of angry texts.

111
00:06:03,349 --> 00:06:05,499
Some of them were
your typical threat stuff,

112
00:06:05,501 --> 00:06:07,585
but some were
a little weird.

113
00:06:07,587 --> 00:06:09,220
Weird how?

114
00:06:09,222 --> 00:06:11,439
Like, uh...

115
00:06:11,441 --> 00:06:14,174
"You shall bleed
for your crimes against us,"

116
00:06:14,176 --> 00:06:16,611
followed by
the emoticon of a skull.

117
00:06:16,613 --> 00:06:18,145
And this beauty ...

118
00:06:18,147 --> 00:06:22,400
"I am a mage.
I will destroy you."

119
00:06:22,402 --> 00:06:26,070
These kids today with
their texting and murder.

120
00:06:27,456 --> 00:06:28,739
My men just brought Lance

121
00:06:28,741 --> 00:06:30,408
into the station
for questioning.

122
00:06:30,410 --> 00:06:33,077
Well, we're gonna need to take
first crack at the suspect.

123
00:06:33,079 --> 00:06:36,080
Like I said, Agent,
it's your world.

124
00:06:41,086 --> 00:06:45,423
Lance Jacobsen?
We're with the FBI.

125
00:06:45,425 --> 00:06:47,475
The FBI?

126
00:06:47,477 --> 00:06:50,811
I can't believe
this is happening.

127
00:06:50,813 --> 00:06:53,314
I can't believe Ed's dead.

128
00:06:54,901 --> 00:06:57,051
Lance?

129
00:06:57,053 --> 00:06:58,886
Lance, just ...
just breathe.

130
00:06:58,888 --> 00:07:01,072
Just breathe.
You're fine.

131
00:07:02,358 --> 00:07:04,442
We just need to ask you
a few questions.

132
00:07:04,444 --> 00:07:05,443
Try to calm down.

133
00:07:05,445 --> 00:07:08,079
We want to know
about the, uh ...

134
00:07:08,081 --> 00:07:11,115
the texts you sent Ed
last night.

135
00:07:11,117 --> 00:07:12,450
I told them
when they brought me in

136
00:07:12,452 --> 00:07:13,901
those texts
weren't from me.

137
00:07:13,903 --> 00:07:16,403
Well, your phone
and Ed's phone say otherwise.

138
00:07:16,405 --> 00:07:18,839
No, I mean, they were from me,
but they weren't from me me.

139
00:07:21,610 --> 00:07:22,610
Did you really think

140
00:07:22,612 --> 00:07:24,629
that sentence
was gonna clear things up?

141
00:07:24,631 --> 00:07:27,581
I'm sorry.

142
00:07:27,583 --> 00:07:29,249
This is all
a big misunderstanding.

143
00:07:29,251 --> 00:07:32,687
Those text messages
were from Greyfox the Mystic

144
00:07:32,689 --> 00:07:34,605
to Thargrim the Difficult.

145
00:07:36,058 --> 00:07:38,258
Our characters in Moondoor.

146
00:07:38,260 --> 00:07:41,612
Moondoor
is a game that Ed and I play.

147
00:07:41,614 --> 00:07:44,649
We're Larpers.
Live-action role-playing?

148
00:07:44,651 --> 00:07:48,703
Right.
Larping. Good times.

149
00:07:48,705 --> 00:07:50,955
We play Moondoor every other
weekend at Heritage Park.

150
00:07:50,957 --> 00:07:52,907
All the info about it
is on our website.

151
00:07:52,909 --> 00:07:54,308
You guys have a website.

152
00:07:54,310 --> 00:07:56,327
Yeah, one of the players
designed it.

153
00:07:56,329 --> 00:07:57,962
In fact,
if you log onto the site,

154
00:07:57,964 --> 00:07:59,997
they should have posted pictures
from last night's feast.

155
00:07:59,999 --> 00:08:01,382
I was there all night.

156
00:08:01,384 --> 00:08:03,551
What does any of this
have to do with the texts?

157
00:08:03,553 --> 00:08:07,138
I play a character
named Greyfox the Mystic.

158
00:08:07,140 --> 00:08:11,008
I'm a very, very powerful mage
in the game.

159
00:08:13,795 --> 00:08:17,631
Okay, uh, very powerful.
Go on.

160
00:08:17,633 --> 00:08:20,434
Ed is...

161
00:08:20,436 --> 00:08:25,106
Ed was Thargrim the Difficult
of the Elder Forest,

162
00:08:25,108 --> 00:08:28,376
son of Hargrim and Bouphin,
brother to ...

163
00:08:31,997 --> 00:08:34,365
he was Lancelot
to my Merlin.

164
00:08:34,367 --> 00:08:36,350
Ah.

165
00:08:36,352 --> 00:08:37,651
Well,
if you guys were so tight,

166
00:08:37,653 --> 00:08:39,353
then why
the threatening messages?

167
00:08:39,355 --> 00:08:41,339
We were named
to the queen's honor guard,

168
00:08:41,341 --> 00:08:43,758
in anticipation of the coming
Battle of Kingdoms this weekend.

169
00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:45,509
I thought he broke protocol,

170
00:08:45,511 --> 00:08:48,846
so I called Ed after game hours
and accused him of cheating,

171
00:08:48,848 --> 00:08:51,182
and then
I challenged him to a duel.

172
00:08:51,184 --> 00:08:53,851
A duel?
Wands and swords at dawn.

173
00:08:55,772 --> 00:08:59,890
Now, when you say "wands"
do you mean magic wands?

174
00:08:59,892 --> 00:09:03,110
No. Un-magic wands,
Agent.

175
00:09:03,112 --> 00:09:06,447
Because what I really want
in a duel is an un-magic wand.

176
00:09:07,983 --> 00:09:11,369
Yes! Fake wands!
It's a game!

177
00:09:11,371 --> 00:09:14,205
I can't believe it.

178
00:09:14,207 --> 00:09:16,040
Oh, ye Gods!

179
00:09:16,042 --> 00:09:19,744
Thargrim the Difficult
has fallen!

180
00:09:23,582 --> 00:09:27,001
L-Lance ... Lance.
Hang in there, champ.

181
00:09:30,139 --> 00:09:33,224
So?

182
00:09:33,226 --> 00:09:36,227
Do you believe
Dungeons & Dragons?

183
00:09:36,229 --> 00:09:38,062
He didn't put a whammy
on us.

184
00:09:38,064 --> 00:09:43,200
Those weren't crocodile tears,
man. That's not our guy.

185
00:09:43,202 --> 00:09:46,821
This could be "Fifty Shades of
Greyfox" for all we know.

186
00:09:46,823 --> 00:09:48,656
All right, well,
let's check out Moondoor site,

187
00:09:48,658 --> 00:09:52,026
see if Lance's story
checks out.

188
00:09:58,583 --> 00:10:02,703
"Welcome to Moondoor, Michigan's
largest larping game".

189
00:10:02,705 --> 00:10:04,205
And I thought
we needed to get out more.

190
00:10:05,625 --> 00:10:09,093
Hmm.

191
00:10:09,095 --> 00:10:11,295
There's our guy.

192
00:10:12,380 --> 00:10:13,714
Huh.

193
00:10:13,716 --> 00:10:16,250
It actually
looks kind of awesome.

194
00:10:17,819 --> 00:10:19,720
All right,
there's a video.

195
00:10:19,722 --> 00:10:25,676
Moondoor. A world of
intrigue, honor, passion.

196
00:10:26,779 --> 00:10:28,929
Four kingdoms ...

197
00:10:28,931 --> 00:10:31,982
followers of the Moon, Elves,

198
00:10:31,984 --> 00:10:34,985
Warriors of yesteryear,
and the dreaded Shadow Orcs.

199
00:10:34,987 --> 00:10:37,988
All will fight
on the fields of never

200
00:10:37,990 --> 00:10:40,941
in the biannual
Battle of Kingdoms.

201
00:10:40,943 --> 00:10:43,461
Pick up a sword or a mace.

202
00:10:43,463 --> 00:10:46,497
Take control of Moondoor
and defend the current ruler...

203
00:10:46,499 --> 00:10:48,165
Wait, is that...

204
00:10:48,167 --> 00:10:51,618
the queen of Moons.

205
00:10:58,343 --> 00:11:01,178
Aah, God.

206
00:11:04,432 --> 00:11:07,635
What the hell?

207
00:11:35,109 --> 00:11:39,228
You're gonna
want to see this.

208
00:11:56,947 --> 00:11:58,914
God forbid
he was contagious.

209
00:11:58,915 --> 00:12:01,600
I'm gonna go dip myself
in hand sanitizer.

210
00:12:04,103 --> 00:12:06,638
No EMF,
no hex bags, no sulfur.

211
00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:08,974
I got nada. You?

212
00:12:08,976 --> 00:12:11,293
Watch the video again.

213
00:12:11,295 --> 00:12:13,612
There. See that?

214
00:12:14,647 --> 00:12:15,914
Same as Ed's.

215
00:12:16,866 --> 00:12:18,150
I don't know.
Maybe they had matching tattoos.

216
00:12:18,152 --> 00:12:20,769
I mean,
they were brothers in arms.

217
00:12:20,771 --> 00:12:22,404
You recognize it
from anything?

218
00:12:22,406 --> 00:12:23,538
A Tim Burton movie?

219
00:12:23,540 --> 00:12:26,241
Aside from the, uh,
mark of the creepy here,

220
00:12:26,243 --> 00:12:28,777
the only thing these guys
have in common is larping.

221
00:12:28,779 --> 00:12:31,163
Lucky for us,
we know the queen.

222
00:12:50,633 --> 00:12:53,986
I, Boltar the Furious,
bind you to this stock

223
00:12:53,988 --> 00:12:56,571
so that all of Moondoor
may see you for what you are ...

224
00:12:56,573 --> 00:12:58,106
a thief.

225
00:12:58,108 --> 00:13:00,141
My Shadow Orc brethren will
descend from the Black Hills

226
00:13:00,143 --> 00:13:02,477
and the tents of mo...

227
00:13:03,246 --> 00:13:05,330
Uh, hold.

228
00:13:09,502 --> 00:13:12,170
Thanks, Gerry. Sorry.
Yeah, no problem, Monty.

229
00:13:17,044 --> 00:13:18,460
Resume.

230
00:13:18,462 --> 00:13:21,213
And the tents of
Moondoor will be bathed in blood

231
00:13:21,215 --> 00:13:23,348
as we unseat
the queen of the Moons

232
00:13:23,350 --> 00:13:25,517
from the throne she stole
from the rightful heir ...

233
00:13:25,519 --> 00:13:26,485
the shadow king.

234
00:13:26,487 --> 00:13:27,519
And you ...
silentium!

235
00:13:27,521 --> 00:13:29,838
Serve your time with honor,
heathen.

236
00:13:31,207 --> 00:13:33,358
And if you need to use
the chamber pot,

237
00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:35,944
stomp your feet
thrice.

238
00:13:35,946 --> 00:13:38,814
Excuse me. Hi.
Uh, you are a larper, yeah?

239
00:13:38,816 --> 00:13:42,534
I prefer the term
"interactive literaturist".

240
00:13:42,536 --> 00:13:44,870
Right. Uh,
I am Special Agent Rosewood.

241
00:13:44,872 --> 00:13:46,405
This is
special Agent Taggart.

242
00:13:46,407 --> 00:13:48,740
Hold!

243
00:13:48,742 --> 00:13:50,959
Um, guys, we're not doing the whole
genre-mash-up thing this weekend.

244
00:13:50,961 --> 00:13:52,027
We only do that
every third month.

245
00:13:52,029 --> 00:13:54,195
Uh...
Come again?

246
00:13:54,197 --> 00:13:56,348
Your fake badges,
the cheap suits.

247
00:13:56,350 --> 00:13:58,567
It's very cool. I get it.
Your characters are FBI agents

248
00:13:58,569 --> 00:14:00,635
that somehow
traveled to Moondoor,

249
00:14:00,637 --> 00:14:01,670
but I'm telling you

250
00:14:01,672 --> 00:14:03,004
it's straight-up
Moondoor this weekend.

251
00:14:03,006 --> 00:14:04,139
These aren't
fake badges.

252
00:14:04,141 --> 00:14:07,476
Uh, yeah, they are,
and they're very good,

253
00:14:07,478 --> 00:14:09,978
but, um, well,
the I.D. number shifted

254
00:14:09,980 --> 00:14:12,481
to 10 digits
with two letters mixed in

255
00:14:12,483 --> 00:14:16,234
at the end of the year, and, uh,
the seal's from last month.

256
00:14:16,236 --> 00:14:18,987
Really good work.

257
00:14:18,989 --> 00:14:20,272
So you got to follow
the rules.

258
00:14:20,274 --> 00:14:22,574
If there's no rules ...
chaos.

259
00:14:22,576 --> 00:14:25,077
Resume.

260
00:14:25,079 --> 00:14:28,062
If you would like to join
the army of moons,

261
00:14:28,064 --> 00:14:30,449
the queen is always
on the lookout for new squires.

262
00:14:30,451 --> 00:14:32,000
Yes. Right.

263
00:14:32,002 --> 00:14:34,453
Uh, we would like to see
your queen now, please.

264
00:14:34,455 --> 00:14:36,705
Well, the queen's calendar
is booked up months in advance.

265
00:14:36,707 --> 00:14:38,957
But if you wish to witness
what's in store for you

266
00:14:38,959 --> 00:14:41,760
in her army,
her highness is overseeing

267
00:14:41,762 --> 00:14:43,795
new squires on the pitch
as we speak.

268
00:14:57,593 --> 00:14:59,194
Yield!
I yield!

269
00:15:06,120 --> 00:15:07,702
I love you.

270
00:15:07,704 --> 00:15:09,103
I know.

271
00:15:09,105 --> 00:15:10,806
Take your leave
to my medical tent

272
00:15:10,808 --> 00:15:12,624
and attend to your...
severed limbs.

273
00:15:15,711 --> 00:15:17,712
Greyfox and Thargrim
are missing.

274
00:15:17,714 --> 00:15:19,297
We pray to the goddess

275
00:15:19,299 --> 00:15:22,000
they have not fallen victim
of foul play.

276
00:15:22,002 --> 00:15:23,001
In their absence,

277
00:15:23,003 --> 00:15:24,586
the honor guard's ranks
are weakened.

278
00:15:24,588 --> 00:15:26,755
To join...

279
00:15:29,008 --> 00:15:31,009
Oh, blerg.

280
00:15:32,061 --> 00:15:34,796
Uh...

281
00:15:34,798 --> 00:15:37,399
The queen
needs some royal "we" time.

282
00:15:37,401 --> 00:15:39,317
Talk amongst thyselves.

283
00:15:43,656 --> 00:15:47,192
Nice balance.

284
00:15:47,194 --> 00:15:49,027
Dude.

285
00:15:49,029 --> 00:15:51,145
Yeah.

286
00:15:52,999 --> 00:15:54,282
Charlie.

287
00:15:54,284 --> 00:15:56,150
Charlie Bradbury
is dead.

288
00:15:56,152 --> 00:15:58,787
She died a year ago.
You killed her.

289
00:15:58,789 --> 00:16:01,506
My name
is Carrie Heinlein.

290
00:16:01,508 --> 00:16:05,043
Oh, and guess what.
Now you killed her, too.

291
00:16:05,045 --> 00:16:06,878
Okay, listen.

292
00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:08,162
No, I buried myself.

293
00:16:08,164 --> 00:16:10,715
Then Dick Roman went down,
his company belly-up,

294
00:16:10,717 --> 00:16:13,435
and I figure,
"Hey, it's all good"

295
00:16:13,437 --> 00:16:16,271
and I was fine.
I got my life back.

296
00:16:16,273 --> 00:16:17,973
Now you're here,

297
00:16:17,975 --> 00:16:20,358
and if you guys are here,
monsters are here.

298
00:16:21,811 --> 00:16:23,344
Why do I have
such bad luck?

299
00:16:23,346 --> 00:16:26,347
What am I ...
some kind of monster magnet?

300
00:16:26,349 --> 00:16:28,683
Is there such a thing
as a monster magnet?

301
00:16:28,685 --> 00:16:31,736
You know what?
Don't answer that.

302
00:16:31,738 --> 00:16:32,871
I don't care.

303
00:16:32,873 --> 00:16:33,905
What I care about

304
00:16:33,907 --> 00:16:36,124
is not getting
my other arm broken...

305
00:16:36,126 --> 00:16:37,158
or dying.

306
00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:39,694
So,
I'm dropping my sword

307
00:16:39,696 --> 00:16:41,463
and walking off the stage,
bitches.

308
00:16:41,465 --> 00:16:43,381
Have fun
storming the castle.

309
00:16:43,383 --> 00:16:45,550
Charlie. Charlie!

310
00:16:47,202 --> 00:16:50,755
Greyfox and Thargrim ...
uh, Ed and Lance ...

311
00:16:50,757 --> 00:16:52,924
they're not missing.

312
00:16:52,926 --> 00:16:54,576
They're dead.

313
00:16:57,598 --> 00:17:01,066
Drawn and quartered
and bleeding out?

314
00:17:01,068 --> 00:17:02,901
Please stop talking
again.

315
00:17:02,903 --> 00:17:05,737
So what do you think
did this?

316
00:17:05,739 --> 00:17:07,388
Well,
aside from the mark

317
00:17:07,390 --> 00:17:08,573
and them both being
larpers,

318
00:17:08,575 --> 00:17:10,391
there's really
not much else to go on.

319
00:17:10,393 --> 00:17:14,112
Wait, I've seen this before.
It's a Celtic magic symbol.

320
00:17:15,031 --> 00:17:16,564
At least it was
in my favorite video game.

321
00:17:16,566 --> 00:17:17,699
Does that help?
Can I go now?

322
00:17:17,701 --> 00:17:20,001
It's a start, but no.

323
00:17:20,003 --> 00:17:21,920
Um, listen.

324
00:17:21,922 --> 00:17:23,788
What can you tell us
about Ed and Lance?

325
00:17:23,790 --> 00:17:26,091
Good guys.

326
00:17:26,093 --> 00:17:27,208
Two of the best members

327
00:17:27,210 --> 00:17:28,343
of the queen's
ever-shrinking army.

328
00:17:28,345 --> 00:17:30,411
"Ever-shrinking"?

329
00:17:30,413 --> 00:17:33,131
My kingdom has had
a lot of bad luck lately,

330
00:17:33,133 --> 00:17:38,670
probably 'cause of me,
but maybe it's tied to this.

331
00:17:38,672 --> 00:17:40,055
A month ago,
one of my guys

332
00:17:40,057 --> 00:17:41,756
had both her ankles broken
before battle.

333
00:17:41,758 --> 00:17:44,109
Before that,
I had three people

334
00:17:44,111 --> 00:17:45,810
have hospital-worthy accidents
while at home.

335
00:17:45,812 --> 00:17:47,332
You think
there's any connection there?

336
00:17:48,764 --> 00:17:50,098
They have
any enemies in common?

337
00:17:50,100 --> 00:17:53,434
In real life? No.
Everyone gets along famously.

338
00:17:53,436 --> 00:17:56,738
In the game, though,
they had tons of enemies.

339
00:17:56,740 --> 00:17:59,324
Red reps the followers
of the Moon ... my peeps.

340
00:17:59,326 --> 00:18:00,325
Green's for Elves,

341
00:18:00,327 --> 00:18:02,794
blue's for
Warriors of Yesteryear,

342
00:18:02,796 --> 00:18:05,463
and black's for Shadow Orcs ...
total d-bags.

343
00:18:05,465 --> 00:18:07,666
This weekend
is the Battle of the Kingdoms

344
00:18:07,668 --> 00:18:09,283
to see who wears
the forever crown.

345
00:18:09,285 --> 00:18:11,086
This weekend,

346
00:18:11,088 --> 00:18:14,806
each faction is definitely
an enemy of me and mine.

347
00:18:14,808 --> 00:18:16,675
You know, if you, uh...

348
00:18:16,677 --> 00:18:17,976
move your archers back

349
00:18:17,978 --> 00:18:19,627
and your broadswordsmen
to the west...

350
00:18:19,629 --> 00:18:21,429
Huh. Like the warriors.
Yep.

351
00:18:21,431 --> 00:18:22,514
Hey, good call.
Thanks.

352
00:18:22,516 --> 00:18:23,982
What about the southern wall?
Guys.

353
00:18:23,984 --> 00:18:27,152
Yeah? Right. Sorry.

354
00:18:27,154 --> 00:18:28,903
So maybe someone from
one of the other kingdoms

355
00:18:28,905 --> 00:18:30,405
got ahold of real magic

356
00:18:30,407 --> 00:18:32,473
and started using it
to weaken your army.

357
00:18:32,475 --> 00:18:34,159
But why not
just come after me?

358
00:18:34,161 --> 00:18:35,944
And why the escalation?

359
00:18:35,946 --> 00:18:38,246
All right,
we will canvass the kingdoms.

360
00:18:38,248 --> 00:18:39,397
You should
get out of here.

361
00:18:39,399 --> 00:18:41,983
We don't want you to get hurt.
Whoa, wait.

362
00:18:41,985 --> 00:18:43,317
Charlie knows Moondoor a lot
better than we do. We need her.

363
00:18:43,319 --> 00:18:44,419
Sam, I think
we can take care of

364
00:18:44,421 --> 00:18:46,254
a bunch of accountants
with foam swords.

365
00:18:46,256 --> 00:18:48,373
We need all the help we can get,
Dean. People are dying.

366
00:18:48,375 --> 00:18:49,424
My point,
which is usually yours,

367
00:18:49,426 --> 00:18:50,658
is that she should
get somewhere safe

368
00:18:50,660 --> 00:18:52,326
and get back
to a normal life.

369
00:18:52,328 --> 00:18:54,379
Hey, I am right here,
and I want to leave.

370
00:18:54,381 --> 00:18:55,630
Thank you.

371
00:18:57,216 --> 00:18:59,801
But the queen...

372
00:18:59,803 --> 00:19:01,636
she has to stay.

373
00:19:01,638 --> 00:19:03,471
I mean, Sam is right.
People are dying.

374
00:19:03,473 --> 00:19:04,639
That can't happen
on my watch.

375
00:19:04,641 --> 00:19:07,976
And you know what?
I am tired of running.

376
00:19:08,728 --> 00:19:10,645
I like my life here.

377
00:19:11,564 --> 00:19:13,732
I'm gonna stay
and fight for it.

378
00:19:20,323 --> 00:19:22,073
Yeah.

379
00:19:22,075 --> 00:19:24,576
Okay.

380
00:19:24,578 --> 00:19:26,044
Thanks.

381
00:19:26,046 --> 00:19:28,046
So, the toxicology report
came back on Lance.

382
00:19:28,048 --> 00:19:29,381
Nothing.

383
00:19:29,383 --> 00:19:31,866
But the medical examiner said
his body showed clear signs

384
00:19:31,868 --> 00:19:34,219
that he was killed
by Belladonna.

385
00:19:34,221 --> 00:19:36,004
The porn star? The porn star?

386
00:19:38,290 --> 00:19:40,892
The poison.

387
00:19:40,894 --> 00:19:43,395
Oh. Oh.

388
00:19:43,397 --> 00:19:45,546
Um, however,

389
00:19:45,548 --> 00:19:48,233
they couldn't find
a trace of it in his system.

390
00:19:48,235 --> 00:19:50,552
Just like they couldn't find
ropes in Ed's apartment.

391
00:19:50,554 --> 00:19:53,822
Charlie, I'm gonna need
to borrow your laptop.

392
00:19:53,824 --> 00:19:55,907
There are no laptops
in Moondoor.

393
00:19:55,909 --> 00:19:59,060
What?
There are rules.

394
00:19:59,062 --> 00:20:00,612
But there is a tech tent
four tents down.

395
00:20:00,614 --> 00:20:01,830
Okay.

396
00:20:01,832 --> 00:20:03,231
How about
you guys go canvas,

397
00:20:03,233 --> 00:20:07,919
and I'll dig into these
accidents and this mark?

398
00:20:09,255 --> 00:20:10,505
Okay.

399
00:20:10,507 --> 00:20:12,340
I'm gonna need a full wiki
on where you guys have been.

400
00:20:12,342 --> 00:20:15,510
But first, you're gonna
have to ditch the suit

401
00:20:15,512 --> 00:20:17,272
if you're gonna
walk and talk with the queen.

402
00:20:36,932 --> 00:20:38,199
Excuse me.

403
00:20:38,201 --> 00:20:40,151
Do you know if there's
a directory of online players?

404
00:20:40,153 --> 00:20:41,703
Yeah,
it's on the website.

405
00:20:41,705 --> 00:20:43,788
All you need is an account
to access it.

406
00:20:43,790 --> 00:20:46,991
Um, thanks, uh...

407
00:20:46,993 --> 00:20:47,959
Maria.

408
00:20:47,961 --> 00:20:53,331
I mean,
Gholandria the Wicked.

409
00:21:00,222 --> 00:21:04,425
You sent Sam
a phantom text from his ex?

410
00:21:04,427 --> 00:21:05,426
Dick move, sir.

411
00:21:05,428 --> 00:21:07,846
Yeah,
not my finest hour.

412
00:21:07,848 --> 00:21:11,483
So he found
some normalcy with this chick,

413
00:21:11,485 --> 00:21:13,735
and now it's gone...
again.

414
00:21:13,737 --> 00:21:15,103
Thanks to you.

415
00:21:15,105 --> 00:21:18,639
Yeah, well, now he's more
committed than ever,

416
00:21:18,641 --> 00:21:20,308
so there's that.

417
00:21:20,310 --> 00:21:23,444
But, trust me,
this life ...

418
00:21:23,446 --> 00:21:25,013
you can't afford
attachments.

419
00:21:25,015 --> 00:21:29,117
You just got to...
let go.

420
00:21:29,119 --> 00:21:31,152
Are we still
talking about Sam,

421
00:21:31,154 --> 00:21:33,121
or did you
break up with someone, too?

422
00:21:33,123 --> 00:21:35,089
Me?
Yeah.

423
00:21:35,091 --> 00:21:38,009
No.

424
00:21:41,047 --> 00:21:42,714
Your majesty.

425
00:21:44,049 --> 00:21:46,134
You always
been into larping?

426
00:21:46,136 --> 00:21:47,101
Nah.

427
00:21:47,103 --> 00:21:48,836
For role-play,
I prefer a tabletop.

428
00:21:48,838 --> 00:21:52,056
D&D, Gamma World,
Car Wars.

429
00:21:52,058 --> 00:21:54,342
That's why Cthulhu invented
multi-sided dice, right?

430
00:21:54,344 --> 00:21:57,612
But a buddy of mine
was into larping.

431
00:21:57,614 --> 00:21:59,447
Went for him,
stayed for the chicks.

432
00:22:01,535 --> 00:22:03,368
It's not just that,
though.

433
00:22:03,370 --> 00:22:05,019
It's an escape.

434
00:22:05,021 --> 00:22:08,239
I mean, here,
I'm queen, a hero.

435
00:22:08,241 --> 00:22:10,708
Out there in the real world,
I'm just hacking out code

436
00:22:10,710 --> 00:22:11,910
and chugging coffee
all day long.

437
00:22:11,912 --> 00:22:14,212
Now, wait a second.

438
00:22:14,214 --> 00:22:15,547
If it wasn't for you,

439
00:22:15,549 --> 00:22:16,631
we would have never been
able to take down Dick Roman.

440
00:22:16,633 --> 00:22:18,800
Out there
in the real world,

441
00:22:18,802 --> 00:22:20,885
you are a hero.

442
00:22:23,422 --> 00:22:24,722
My queen.

443
00:22:24,724 --> 00:22:27,892
I'm noticing a lot of these
maidens checking you out.

444
00:22:27,894 --> 00:22:31,262
What?
I can't shut this down.

445
00:22:31,264 --> 00:22:33,598
It's good to be queen.

446
00:22:43,492 --> 00:22:45,777
It's ... it's all
just part of the game.

447
00:22:46,780 --> 00:22:50,231
Genre mash-up.
Cool.

448
00:22:50,233 --> 00:22:52,417
Hey, I know her.
That's Phyllis.

449
00:22:52,419 --> 00:22:55,203
Heard she broke her ankles
or something.

450
00:22:56,705 --> 00:22:58,423
Wow.
It looks like she got ...

451
00:22:58,425 --> 00:23:01,476
hobbled.

452
00:23:01,478 --> 00:23:02,910
Oh, and that's Jamie.

453
00:23:02,912 --> 00:23:04,762
He said someone
broke into his house,

454
00:23:04,764 --> 00:23:06,080
beat him with his own mace,
but ...

455
00:23:06,082 --> 00:23:07,815
No signs of
a forced entry.

456
00:23:09,768 --> 00:23:12,303
Uh, do you recognize this
from Moondoor?

457
00:23:12,305 --> 00:23:13,805
I-I think it's Celtic?

458
00:23:13,807 --> 00:23:14,889
No. Sorry.

459
00:23:14,891 --> 00:23:17,091
But I'll look it up.
Thanks.

460
00:23:17,093 --> 00:23:19,444
I haven't seen
anything like it

461
00:23:19,446 --> 00:23:21,446
in my travels throughout
the realms, your highness.

462
00:23:21,448 --> 00:23:22,947
All right.

463
00:23:22,949 --> 00:23:27,101
Well, if you think of anything,
come see me in my tent.

464
00:23:27,987 --> 00:23:29,404
Anytime.

465
00:23:36,111 --> 00:23:39,247
Scratch the Elves
off the list.

466
00:23:39,249 --> 00:23:41,966
Mace attacks, hobbling,
medieval poisoning ...

467
00:23:41,968 --> 00:23:44,302
somebody's targeting
the queen's people.

468
00:23:44,304 --> 00:23:45,386
No, not only them.

469
00:23:45,388 --> 00:23:47,955
See, those four
are with the Queen,

470
00:23:47,957 --> 00:23:49,641
but these two ...
they're Elves.

471
00:23:49,643 --> 00:23:51,676
And these two
are Warriors.

472
00:23:51,678 --> 00:23:53,061
The only group
not to get hit ...

473
00:23:53,063 --> 00:23:54,145
the Shadow Orcs.

474
00:23:54,147 --> 00:23:56,297
Last group on the list,
impossible to find.

475
00:23:56,299 --> 00:23:57,515
Wait, I know where
we can find one.

476
00:23:57,517 --> 00:23:59,317
I met him on the way in.
Perfect.

477
00:23:59,319 --> 00:24:03,237
Maybe he can tell us
what the frack this thing is.

478
00:24:03,239 --> 00:24:05,606
It's, uh,
the Tree of Pain.

479
00:24:05,608 --> 00:24:08,576
Uh, if you are tagged
with this mark,

480
00:24:08,578 --> 00:24:11,162
you will be a victim
of fairy magic.

481
00:24:11,164 --> 00:24:13,781
Wait.
Fairy magic can be bad?

482
00:24:13,783 --> 00:24:15,149
Death to the queen!

483
00:24:15,151 --> 00:24:17,702
Death to the usurper!

484
00:24:17,704 --> 00:24:19,987
Death to her manservant!

485
00:24:19,989 --> 00:24:22,457
What?

486
00:24:22,459 --> 00:24:25,126
Well, there's no laptops
in Moondoor.

487
00:24:25,128 --> 00:24:27,161
There's no Geneva Convention,
either.

488
00:24:27,163 --> 00:24:29,163
Hey.

489
00:24:29,165 --> 00:24:30,998
Have you seen this?

490
00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:32,333
Yeah, of course.

491
00:24:32,335 --> 00:24:34,052
No. No,
I haven't seen it.

492
00:24:35,554 --> 00:24:38,839
Okay, it's the Shadow King's
family crest.

493
00:24:38,841 --> 00:24:41,059
You'll never find him
in the Black Hills.

494
00:24:41,061 --> 00:24:42,360
Black Hills?

495
00:24:42,362 --> 00:24:43,778
The forest
behind the playground.

496
00:24:43,780 --> 00:24:46,147
Come on.

497
00:24:51,020 --> 00:24:53,071
All right, uh, well, thank you
very much, Gholandria.

498
00:24:53,073 --> 00:24:54,322
Anytime.

499
00:24:54,324 --> 00:24:56,574
I've never done
genre-mash-up play before.

500
00:24:56,576 --> 00:24:58,526
That was fun.

501
00:24:58,528 --> 00:25:02,029
First time
for everything, right?

502
00:25:02,031 --> 00:25:03,197
First time for
a lot of things

503
00:25:03,199 --> 00:25:05,983
if you want to
come find my tent later.

504
00:25:08,053 --> 00:25:10,054
Another time.

505
00:25:12,007 --> 00:25:14,926
Your loss.

506
00:25:14,928 --> 00:25:17,895
My queen.
There you are.

507
00:25:17,897 --> 00:25:19,263
I've been searching
everywhere for you.

508
00:25:19,265 --> 00:25:20,548
Has this...
oaf attempted to harm you

509
00:25:20,550 --> 00:25:23,067
with his blasphemous
metalworks?

510
00:25:23,069 --> 00:25:25,603
Boltar, he's with me.
This is my new...

511
00:25:25,605 --> 00:25:29,107
handmaiden.

512
00:25:30,692 --> 00:25:32,726
We seek an audience
with the Shadow King.

513
00:25:32,728 --> 00:25:35,413
Uh, these hills
are not safe.

514
00:25:35,415 --> 00:25:36,781
I beseech you, my queen,
you should return to camp.

515
00:25:36,783 --> 00:25:40,535
He's right...
your worshipfulness.

516
00:25:40,537 --> 00:25:43,087
Uh, may I have a moment
before you take your leavings?

517
00:25:43,089 --> 00:25:44,789
Mm.

518
00:25:46,291 --> 00:25:47,908
Handmaiden?

519
00:25:47,910 --> 00:25:49,243
He was suspicious.
I panicked.

520
00:25:49,245 --> 00:25:50,744
All right, look.
You take my phone.

521
00:25:50,746 --> 00:25:53,414
Find Sam.
We'll find the shadow dorks.

522
00:25:53,416 --> 00:25:54,465
But I can help.

523
00:25:54,467 --> 00:25:56,634
Yeah, you are helping
by finding Sam. Go.

524
00:26:00,472 --> 00:26:03,257
Lead the way to the Orcs,
Bolty.

525
00:26:03,259 --> 00:26:05,726
Speak when spoken to,
handmaiden.

526
00:26:48,654 --> 00:26:50,238
Ohh!
Dark magic!

527
00:26:50,240 --> 00:26:52,139
Ohh! My eyes!

528
00:26:52,141 --> 00:26:55,993
The stinging of your attack
burns my very soul!

529
00:27:07,656 --> 00:27:08,822
Ohh!

530
00:27:08,824 --> 00:27:10,458
Dark magic?

531
00:27:19,213 --> 00:27:21,213
Well, that was a bust.

532
00:27:21,215 --> 00:27:23,582
You sure the Shadow Orcs
are even out there?

533
00:27:23,584 --> 00:27:24,550
For a handmaiden,

534
00:27:24,552 --> 00:27:26,602
you certainly ask
many questions.

535
00:27:26,604 --> 00:27:27,753
Yes, I am positive.

536
00:27:27,755 --> 00:27:31,023
They're just very good
at hiding themselves.

537
00:27:31,025 --> 00:27:32,107
But a plan
has sprung to mind

538
00:27:32,109 --> 00:27:34,026
that will
draw the Shadow King to us.

539
00:27:34,028 --> 00:27:35,611
We shall take the Shadow Orc
held in stock,

540
00:27:35,613 --> 00:27:37,112
offer him up
as a prisoner exchange.

541
00:27:37,114 --> 00:27:38,781
Draw him out
and beat him down.

542
00:27:38,783 --> 00:27:40,900
I like your style,
Boltar.

543
00:27:40,902 --> 00:27:42,168
I shall retrieve
the prisoner.

544
00:27:42,170 --> 00:27:44,069
You tend to the queen's laundry
and chamber pots,

545
00:27:44,071 --> 00:27:46,789
then meet me back here.

546
00:27:46,791 --> 00:27:49,542
Nice outfit.

547
00:27:49,544 --> 00:27:52,711
You love it.
Right.

548
00:27:52,713 --> 00:27:53,963
Well, while you were, uh,
playing dress-up,

549
00:27:53,965 --> 00:27:55,798
I found out that
the mark...

550
00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:57,500
Belongs to
the Shadow Orcs.

551
00:27:59,336 --> 00:28:02,287
Yeah. And they're using
fairy magic.

552
00:28:03,341 --> 00:28:05,591
The Tree of Pain.
Awesome.

553
00:28:05,593 --> 00:28:07,142
Whoever gets marked
gets ganked.

554
00:28:07,144 --> 00:28:08,344
All right,
how do we stop it?

555
00:28:08,346 --> 00:28:10,729
Find whoever cast the spell,
and take them out.

556
00:28:10,731 --> 00:28:12,565
No more whammy,
no more marks.

557
00:28:12,567 --> 00:28:14,099
No more marks,
no more dead bodies.

558
00:28:14,101 --> 00:28:15,067
Okay, well, perfect.

559
00:28:15,069 --> 00:28:16,936
Our, uh,
pal Boltar the chatty

560
00:28:16,938 --> 00:28:18,354
is getting the, uh,
Shadow Orc prisoner.

561
00:28:18,356 --> 00:28:20,239
We're gonna do
a little prisoner exchange,

562
00:28:20,241 --> 00:28:21,774
try to draw the king
out of hiding.

563
00:28:21,776 --> 00:28:23,142
It was my idea.

564
00:28:24,244 --> 00:28:26,245
Where's Charlie?

565
00:28:26,247 --> 00:28:27,363
She was with you.

566
00:28:27,365 --> 00:28:30,332
No, I sent her to you.

567
00:28:30,334 --> 00:28:32,201
Charlie?

568
00:28:32,203 --> 00:28:33,369
Your highness?

569
00:28:33,371 --> 00:28:36,171
Charlie?

570
00:28:37,541 --> 00:28:39,458
You know what ...
she's got my phone.

571
00:28:39,460 --> 00:28:40,626
Try it.

572
00:29:04,451 --> 00:29:06,702
Uh...

573
00:29:08,154 --> 00:29:10,355
Hi.

574
00:29:10,357 --> 00:29:13,325
I'm the, uh, queen...

575
00:29:13,327 --> 00:29:14,493
of Moons.

576
00:29:14,495 --> 00:29:16,695
Nice to meet you.

577
00:29:17,964 --> 00:29:20,532
Great costume,
B.T. Dubs.

578
00:29:22,035 --> 00:29:24,470
Right.

579
00:29:24,472 --> 00:29:27,006
Well, this has been
a really great kidnapping,

580
00:29:27,008 --> 00:29:29,207
but I got to get back
to not dying.

581
00:29:29,209 --> 00:29:32,377
So, good talk.

582
00:29:44,024 --> 00:29:46,158
Wow. Real magic.

583
00:29:46,160 --> 00:29:50,195
That is really cool,
if not mostly terrifying.

584
00:29:50,197 --> 00:29:52,397
Um, right.

585
00:29:52,399 --> 00:29:54,333
Okay.

586
00:29:54,335 --> 00:29:55,951
We can work this out,
can't we?

587
00:29:55,953 --> 00:29:58,537
Get you some gold,
my crown.

588
00:29:58,539 --> 00:30:01,123
Ritualistic sacrifice?

589
00:30:02,742 --> 00:30:05,744
Look.

590
00:30:05,746 --> 00:30:07,412
I am not really a queen.

591
00:30:07,414 --> 00:30:10,082
I'm just
an I.T. girl...

592
00:30:10,084 --> 00:30:12,551
Standing
in front of a monster...

593
00:30:12,553 --> 00:30:15,253
asking it
not to kill her.

594
00:30:16,473 --> 00:30:18,590
Great.

595
00:30:18,592 --> 00:30:20,392
Now the worst period of my life
comes to an end.

596
00:30:20,394 --> 00:30:23,062
I saw my boss get eaten
by a Leviathan, broke my arm,

597
00:30:23,064 --> 00:30:24,813
lived life on the run,
finally got it all back,

598
00:30:24,815 --> 00:30:27,066
and now a dude
in a stag-skull mask

599
00:30:27,068 --> 00:30:28,317
is gonna kill me.

600
00:30:28,319 --> 00:30:29,735
I just want
my old life back!

601
00:30:35,542 --> 00:30:37,793
That is all I want,
as well.

602
00:30:49,639 --> 00:30:52,141
I swear,
if anything's happened to her...

603
00:30:52,143 --> 00:30:53,759
Dude,
we checked all the tents.

604
00:30:53,761 --> 00:30:56,061
We'll talk to these guys.
We'll find her.

605
00:30:57,931 --> 00:30:59,965
Ca-caw!

606
00:30:59,967 --> 00:31:01,299
Ca-caw!

607
00:31:01,301 --> 00:31:05,604
Ca-caw! Ca-caw!

608
00:31:05,606 --> 00:31:09,158
Greetings, heretics.

609
00:31:09,976 --> 00:31:13,078
You should
kneel before me, cur.

610
00:31:13,980 --> 00:31:15,781
All right,
why don't you let me ...

611
00:31:15,783 --> 00:31:17,332
Silence!

612
00:31:17,334 --> 00:31:21,704
Now, before we exchange,
a few announcements.

613
00:31:24,457 --> 00:31:26,709
Um, there is a peewee-league
soccer playoff game tomorrow

614
00:31:26,711 --> 00:31:27,826
on the alpha field.

615
00:31:27,828 --> 00:31:29,211
We don't want to freak out
the mundanes,

616
00:31:29,213 --> 00:31:30,328
so we got to move the Battle
of Kingdoms to the beta field.

617
00:31:30,330 --> 00:31:31,513
All right. That's it.

618
00:31:31,515 --> 00:31:32,681
You know what? I'm gonna do this
the old-fashioned way.

619
00:31:32,683 --> 00:31:33,682
Dean, don't.
What?

620
00:31:33,684 --> 00:31:35,333
Come on.
No, I'm ...

621
00:31:35,335 --> 00:31:36,501
I told you there are ...
shut up.

622
00:31:36,503 --> 00:31:37,686
All right.
I need real answers.

623
00:31:37,688 --> 00:31:39,722
This here is a real gun,
see?

624
00:31:40,808 --> 00:31:42,975
Whoa! Whoa!
Hold! Hold! Geez!

625
00:31:42,977 --> 00:31:45,343
Now, start talking.
Where's the queen?

626
00:31:45,345 --> 00:31:46,395
I don't know!

627
00:31:46,397 --> 00:31:48,230
Yeah, well,
your little family crest there

628
00:31:48,232 --> 00:31:49,231
tells a different story,
pal.

629
00:31:49,233 --> 00:31:51,984
This?
Yeah.

630
00:31:51,986 --> 00:31:55,187
Uh,
I got sick last month

631
00:31:55,189 --> 00:31:57,022
after this thing
just appeared on my arm.

632
00:31:57,724 --> 00:31:59,557
I thought it looked
really cool,

633
00:31:59,559 --> 00:32:02,059
so I turned it into
my family crest.

634
00:32:02,061 --> 00:32:05,280
I mean, after my dermatologist
said it wasn't malignant.

635
00:32:05,282 --> 00:32:06,948
Dean, he's not our guy.
He's just another vic.

636
00:32:06,950 --> 00:32:08,483
My name is Max Hilby.
I'm an attorney.

637
00:32:08,485 --> 00:32:10,568
I have no idea
where the queen is,

638
00:32:10,570 --> 00:32:14,072
but if you let me go right now,
I won't press charges.

639
00:32:16,091 --> 00:32:17,759
I promise.

640
00:32:19,011 --> 00:32:21,513
Um...

641
00:32:22,631 --> 00:32:25,850
Here.
Uh, take them. Please.

642
00:32:25,852 --> 00:32:27,018
Go.

643
00:32:27,020 --> 00:32:29,053
Go! Go!

644
00:32:33,275 --> 00:32:35,143
What? What?

645
00:32:36,562 --> 00:32:38,446
Is the queen
really in danger?

646
00:32:39,598 --> 00:32:42,600
Okay, look,
I-I noticed something odd

647
00:32:42,602 --> 00:32:43,701
down by the creek.

648
00:32:43,703 --> 00:32:45,787
It's this weird tent.
It's not one of ours.

649
00:32:45,789 --> 00:32:47,772
It's kind of creepy.

650
00:32:47,774 --> 00:32:49,824
Why are you being so helpful
all of a sudden?

651
00:32:49,826 --> 00:32:52,794
Look, I harbor
an epic crush on the queen.

652
00:32:53,662 --> 00:32:55,246
Maybe you could put in
a good word for me

653
00:32:55,248 --> 00:32:56,998
when you find her.

654
00:32:57,000 --> 00:32:59,834
I don't think
you're her type.

655
00:33:01,170 --> 00:33:04,789
What? You mean
she's not into Orcs?

656
00:33:07,760 --> 00:33:11,062
My name is Gilda.

657
00:33:11,064 --> 00:33:14,265
I'm from the Hollow Forest
of Arkhmoor.

658
00:33:14,267 --> 00:33:15,600
I'm a fairy.

659
00:33:15,602 --> 00:33:17,602
Mm. Swoon.

660
00:33:17,604 --> 00:33:21,973
Uh, I mean,
how did you get here?

661
00:33:21,975 --> 00:33:25,026
I was summoned here
by a spell.

662
00:33:25,028 --> 00:33:27,078
By whom?

663
00:33:27,080 --> 00:33:28,296
I don't know his name,

664
00:33:28,298 --> 00:33:30,148
but I was brought here
to do his bidding.

665
00:33:30,150 --> 00:33:33,585
His bidding?
That's never good.

666
00:33:33,587 --> 00:33:36,588
My... master,

667
00:33:36,590 --> 00:33:40,258
he...
he has me hurt people.

668
00:33:40,260 --> 00:33:42,210
He's forcing me to.
I'd never hurt anyone.

669
00:33:42,212 --> 00:33:45,096
I'm a fairy ...
the good kind.

670
00:33:45,098 --> 00:33:48,883
No, no, I get that.
Why is he doing this?

671
00:33:48,885 --> 00:33:51,352
I don't know.

672
00:33:51,354 --> 00:33:53,154
He started off
with smaller commands,

673
00:33:53,156 --> 00:33:56,190
but he's become
more violent.

674
00:33:56,192 --> 00:33:59,510
He had me kill
two men this week.

675
00:33:59,512 --> 00:34:03,598
Man, someone is taking this game
way too seriously.

676
00:34:03,600 --> 00:34:06,534
Game?

677
00:34:06,536 --> 00:34:10,071
This ... my outfit,
all of this ...

678
00:34:10,073 --> 00:34:11,923
it's just a game here.

679
00:34:11,925 --> 00:34:13,524
Why would you play
such a game?

680
00:34:13,526 --> 00:34:17,495
This world ...
not so much with awesome.

681
00:34:17,497 --> 00:34:21,399
The game
is a way to get away.

682
00:34:21,401 --> 00:34:23,251
Mm.

683
00:34:23,253 --> 00:34:26,037
It's a lovely forest,

684
00:34:26,039 --> 00:34:29,807
but it's nothing like
my home.

685
00:34:29,809 --> 00:34:31,209
Right.

686
00:34:31,211 --> 00:34:32,927
So, how do we get you
back there?

687
00:34:32,929 --> 00:34:36,931
I can't break free
from the spell, myself.

688
00:34:36,933 --> 00:34:39,717
A hero must take
my master's book of magic

689
00:34:39,719 --> 00:34:43,271
and destroy it,
breaking the spell.

690
00:34:43,273 --> 00:34:47,058
Gilda,
my name is Charlie Bradbury,

691
00:34:47,060 --> 00:34:49,744
and I am here
to rescue you.

692
00:34:57,903 --> 00:35:00,588
Why don't you take off, Bolty?
We got it from here.

693
00:35:00,590 --> 00:35:03,958
A handmaiden and a time traveler
rescue the queen?

694
00:35:03,960 --> 00:35:05,293
I think not, kind lady.

695
00:35:05,295 --> 00:35:06,594
Look,
this isn't a game, Boltar.

696
00:35:06,596 --> 00:35:08,129
The queen, our friend,
is in real danger.

697
00:35:08,131 --> 00:35:09,130
You could get hurt.

698
00:35:09,132 --> 00:35:11,248
I will not leave my queen
in peril.

699
00:35:12,801 --> 00:35:15,219
Look there.

700
00:35:15,221 --> 00:35:17,939
We haven't checked
that tent.

701
00:35:36,409 --> 00:35:38,626
Dudes.

702
00:35:38,628 --> 00:35:41,946
If the tent is rockin',
don't come a-knockin'.

703
00:35:41,948 --> 00:35:44,499
No, it's him!
My master! Run!

704
00:35:57,364 --> 00:36:00,283
No guns in Moondoor,
gentlemen.

705
00:36:00,285 --> 00:36:01,534
Gilda, if you please?

706
00:36:09,626 --> 00:36:10,843
Well, now what, Gerry?

707
00:36:10,845 --> 00:36:15,598
My name
is Boltar the Furious!

708
00:36:15,600 --> 00:36:19,185
My plan was,

709
00:36:19,187 --> 00:36:20,970
after getting rid of
all of my competition,

710
00:36:20,972 --> 00:36:22,838
to win the battle tomorrow,

711
00:36:22,840 --> 00:36:25,524
convincing the queen
that I should be her king.

712
00:36:26,677 --> 00:36:27,777
But then you two idiots
showed up,

713
00:36:27,779 --> 00:36:29,061
and I was forced to improvise.

714
00:36:29,063 --> 00:36:30,780
Rescue the damsel in distress
from Orcs,

715
00:36:30,782 --> 00:36:34,901
become king, kill you both ...
that'll work, too.

716
00:36:34,903 --> 00:36:36,986
So why did you go
from hobbling to murder?

717
00:36:36,988 --> 00:36:40,206
Greyfox and Thargrim became
part of the honor guard.

718
00:36:40,208 --> 00:36:41,657
They got close to the queen,

719
00:36:41,659 --> 00:36:43,576
but they did it
by breaking the rules ...

720
00:36:43,578 --> 00:36:45,628
paying off other players
with real money,

721
00:36:45,630 --> 00:36:46,996
rather than Moondoor currency.

722
00:36:46,998 --> 00:36:48,464
They were cheating.

723
00:36:48,466 --> 00:36:50,049
Oh, and using magic
isn't?

724
00:36:50,051 --> 00:36:52,001
Magic is a part of Moondoor.

725
00:36:52,003 --> 00:36:53,702
What is your problem?

726
00:36:53,704 --> 00:36:55,721
Why would you hurt people?
This is just a game.

727
00:36:55,723 --> 00:36:59,759
There is no game!
There is only Moondoor!

728
00:36:59,761 --> 00:37:01,594
I came here to be different,

729
00:37:01,596 --> 00:37:05,314
to get away from my crappy life,
to be a hero,

730
00:37:05,316 --> 00:37:06,382
and guess what.

731
00:37:06,384 --> 00:37:08,234
What, you were a loser
in the real world,

732
00:37:08,236 --> 00:37:09,902
and you're a loser here?
Shocker.

733
00:37:09,904 --> 00:37:13,906
Would a loser track down
a real book of spells

734
00:37:13,908 --> 00:37:17,059
and compel a fairy
to do his bidding?

735
00:37:17,061 --> 00:37:18,494
It depends.
How'd you get it?

736
00:37:20,330 --> 00:37:21,330
eBay.

737
00:37:25,036 --> 00:37:26,035
Look.

738
00:37:26,037 --> 00:37:28,421
It doesn't have to
be like this, Boltar.

739
00:37:28,423 --> 00:37:30,456
Just hand over
the book of spells.

740
00:37:30,458 --> 00:37:31,540
We can work this out.

741
00:37:31,542 --> 00:37:34,460
This will all work out...

742
00:37:34,462 --> 00:37:36,679
After I remove you from
the playing field

743
00:37:36,681 --> 00:37:38,747
and wipe her memory.

744
00:37:39,967 --> 00:37:42,168
Gilda?

745
00:37:47,557 --> 00:37:49,859
Gilda, the big one.

746
00:37:51,194 --> 00:37:53,646
Ohh!

747
00:38:03,040 --> 00:38:04,790
I can't stop him.

748
00:38:04,792 --> 00:38:07,326
The book ...
you must destroy it.

749
00:38:11,915 --> 00:38:15,001
Hey, Gerry.

750
00:38:15,003 --> 00:38:18,971
I'm the one who saves damsels
in distress around here.

751
00:38:21,558 --> 00:38:23,009
No!

752
00:38:38,025 --> 00:38:39,775
Are you okay?

753
00:38:39,777 --> 00:38:43,162
I'm free of the spell.
You saved me.

754
00:38:43,164 --> 00:38:46,365
The Hollow Forest
is forever in your debt.

755
00:38:46,367 --> 00:38:49,502
I must return
to those green hills now.

756
00:38:49,504 --> 00:38:53,672
I will take
my former master with me.

757
00:38:53,674 --> 00:38:56,658
He must face
a fairy tribunal for his sins.

758
00:38:56,660 --> 00:38:58,210
Wait.

759
00:39:09,890 --> 00:39:12,458
Call me, maybe.

760
00:39:18,837 --> 00:39:21,221
So what's next for you,
Charlie?

761
00:39:21,223 --> 00:39:23,724
New town?
New identity?

762
00:39:23,726 --> 00:39:26,560
If the last 24 hours
have taught me anything,

763
00:39:26,562 --> 00:39:28,262
it's that escaping
isn't what it used to be.

764
00:39:28,264 --> 00:39:30,797
No more replacement
characters for me.

765
00:39:30,799 --> 00:39:33,567
I got to face reality
from now on.

766
00:39:33,569 --> 00:39:35,802
Sadly, reality
actually includes monsters,

767
00:39:35,804 --> 00:39:38,238
but what are you
gonna do?

768
00:39:38,240 --> 00:39:41,525
If I can ever be of help
to you guys, let me know.

769
00:39:41,527 --> 00:39:42,976
Will do.

770
00:39:42,978 --> 00:39:45,896
And you, uh...
You're good?

771
00:39:45,898 --> 00:39:47,714
Apart from the fact

772
00:39:47,716 --> 00:39:49,700
that you blocked me
from banging a fairy,

773
00:39:49,702 --> 00:39:51,685
and I'm about to go lose
my crown in battle,

774
00:39:51,687 --> 00:39:53,170
thanks to my army
being decimated?

775
00:39:53,172 --> 00:39:56,990
Yeah. Totally good.

776
00:39:58,843 --> 00:40:00,677
Smell you later,
bitches.

777
00:40:09,471 --> 00:40:12,189
So, what's, uh...
what's next?

778
00:40:12,191 --> 00:40:14,975
'Cause no fun, right?

779
00:40:14,977 --> 00:40:19,813
Look, before you say anything,
I-I-I get it.

780
00:40:19,815 --> 00:40:21,648
No amount of fun
is gonna help you

781
00:40:21,650 --> 00:40:23,200
get over
what you gave up.

782
00:40:23,202 --> 00:40:29,623
You just, uh...
you need time, right?

783
00:40:29,625 --> 00:40:31,541
Yeah.

784
00:40:31,543 --> 00:40:32,692
Thanks.

785
00:40:32,694 --> 00:40:35,579
And you're right.

786
00:40:35,581 --> 00:40:37,464
Having fun won't help me.

787
00:40:38,833 --> 00:40:42,336
It'll help both of us.

788
00:40:42,338 --> 00:40:44,371
Shall we?

789
00:40:50,429 --> 00:40:54,765
And dying in your beds
many years from now,

790
00:40:54,767 --> 00:40:59,486
would you be willing to trade
all the days,

791
00:40:59,488 --> 00:41:02,773
from this day to that,
for one chance ...

792
00:41:02,775 --> 00:41:03,941
Isn't that
the speech from ...

793
00:41:03,943 --> 00:41:05,108
It's the only one
he knows.

794
00:41:05,110 --> 00:41:10,030
Just one chance
to come back here

795
00:41:10,032 --> 00:41:14,918
and tell our enemies
that they may take our lives,

796
00:41:14,920 --> 00:41:16,453
but they will never take...

797
00:41:16,455 --> 00:41:17,838
Hold!

798
00:41:21,742 --> 00:41:23,576
- Uh, my bad.
- Really?

799
00:41:23,578 --> 00:41:25,245
Sorry.
You can't be serious.

800
00:41:31,020 --> 00:41:33,637
our freedom!

801
00:41:33,639 --> 00:41:34,805
Aah!

802
00:41:36,781 --> 00:41:41,781
== sync, corrected by elderman ==