Something's broken here.
I'm not saying that it's not. I...
We don't... see things the same way anymore ...
Our roles in this whole thing.
I can't trust you. We are family.
You say that like it's some sort of cure-all,
like it can change the fact
that everything that has ever gone wrong between us
has been because we're family.
15, 14, 13, 12...
11, 10, 9...
8, 7...
6, 5... No chipmunking allowed!
Swallow or you're disqualified!
2, 1...
Looks like we got a wiener! Yeah!
He cheated!
Hey, back off, Skeletor. I won fair and square.
Like hell you did, Jabba!
I saw you slip a hot dog in your pocket!
Well, I hate to break it to you, pal,
but that's no hot dog.
Ohh!
Mmm.
== sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man
Hey.
You go to bed last night?
What? Uh, no.
No, "Rudy" was on.
"Unforgiven," and then I was too jacked to sleep,
so... research.
Gadreel?
And Metatron and the mark of Cain and...
Crickets.
I did find us a case, though. Oh, yeah?
Yeah, was a strange death in Stillwater, Minnesota.
A competitive eater died after a hot dog-eating contest.
So, what? Death by tube steak? If only.
He got attacked in his car, but, uh, get this ...
he shrunk from 300 pounds to 90 pounds.
Witchcraft?
Or a heavy-duty laxative. You game?
Yeah. Good.
Looks like it's a whore's bath for me. I'll be ready in five.
You sure you're okay, Dean?
Why wouldn't I be?
'Cause ... I don't know you...
This isn't about what I said the other day, is it?
Oh, about that we're not supposed to be brothers?
No, don't flatter yourself. I don't break that easy.
Oh, good, 'cause I was just being honest.
Oh, yeah. No, I got that loud and clear.
Thanks for your patience, agents.
Coroner's report finally came in.
All right, thank you.
All right, let's see.
Did Wayne McNut really weigh 300 pounds
just moments before time of death?
316 to be exact.
And the official cause of death? Cardiac arrest.
But between you and me, that's just a guess.
The vic suffered massive organ damage.
Here you go, Jenny.
Ruptured spleen, pierced liver, collapsed lung.
Looked like everything was just
Sucked right out of him.
Like he'd been hoovered? Yeah.
Yeah, you know, I got to be honest, fellas ... hm?
We're stumped.
This type of thing just doesn't happen in Stillwater.
Now, did Wayne have any enemies?
Hmm.
More like an unfriendly rivalry.
A guy named "Slim Jim" Morgan.
Like Wayne, he was pretty well-known
in the competitive-eatin' circuit.
Competitive-eating circuit? Is that a big thing out here?
Oh, yeah. You betcha.
Folks take it real seriously ...
train for months.
Eat all sorts of wackadoo stuff, you know, like, uh...
Baked beans, buff wings, butter.
Butter? Yeah.
Sometimes deep-fried. Hm.
This year alone, Wayne won the Butter Bowl,
the Wing Ding, and Shrimptasia.
Anyhoo, point being, Wayne McNut was the only one Slim Jim
couldn't beat in the whole Great Lakes region.
So is he a suspect?
We checked him out, but Slim Jim was in the Hot Doggery
at the time of Wayne's death,
and we got 15 witnesses to prove it.
Really? Yeah.
Training.
When I gear up for a competition, I eat lettuce ...
stretches the stomach.
Yet another reason to stay away from salads.
How well did you know Wayne McNut?
Well, well enough to know he was a weasel and a cheat.
I hate to say it, but, uh, karma's a bitch.
This is interesting.
Mala's good-luck charms.
And Mala is...?
My old lady.
Is your old lady superstitious?
Yeah. She's Romanichal.
Romanichal? Gypsy.
But don't call her that. She says it's reductive.
But I think it's a compliment.
I mean, gypsies are all the rage on TV ...
"My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding," "Gypsy Sisters"...
"Keeping up with the Kardashians."
Um you mind if I use your bathroom?
Yeah, go ahead.
But use the one upstairs at the back.
Mala's taking a shower in ours.
Right.
Did you really lose the "Wiener Winner" by one dog?
Yeah.
And what are we talkin'? Six inches? Foot-long?
Look, agent. Am I a suspect here or what?
'Cause unless you got a warrant ...
You, uh, ready to go? Yeah.
Uh, Mr. Morgan, thank you for your time.
If you remember anything else,
this is our number and where we're staying locally.
All right, so, we got what appears to be Wayne McNut's hair
and... a bag full of weird.
In Romanichal culture, the pouch is called a putsi bag.
It's used for hexes.
Okay, so, what?
Mala's putting hexes on hubby's competition?
I mean, what do we got ourselves?
A "thinner" sitch here?
Slim Jim might not even know.
Hm.
Hi.
I believe you have something of mine.
Kill Wayne?
I loved him!
So... you were...
Yes. Okay? We were having an affair ...
for years, actually.
I don't mean to be rude, uh...
But how is it that Wayne McNut is your type?
I mean, you're married to a man who's barely a buck ... wet.
What can I say?
Sometimes it's nice to feel a little give.
Oh.
Yeah, I get that ... a little extra cushion for the, uh...
Help me understand something.
If you loved Wayne, why did you put a curse on him?
It wasn't a curse.
Putsi bags are also used for blessings.
I wanted Wayne to win.
Plan was, take the prize money, get a quickie divorce,
and then tie the knot in Orlando.
Wayne used to call me his "Princess Jasmine."
I gained weight?
How is that even possible?
Hello?
Anyone there?
Let's try this again.
Any idea what the vic weighed beforehand?
165.
So... 180.
Known fact ... all women lie about their weight and age.
Wait, you told that waitress the other day you were 29.
Mm-hmm.
Need anything else, agents?
Yeah, is Sheriff Hanscum around?
Sorry. She's out for the rest of the week.
Hell of a time to take a vacation, right?
Okay, so, we have two victims,
with seemingly nothing in common except, uh ...
a love for eclairs. Check this out.
What is that? A birthmark?
Huh.
So the weight had to come off somehow, right?
What if it's a suction mark? A suction mark?
Okay. Uh, changeling?
Yeah, but changelings don't take over kids.
Neither of the vics had any.
And we don't know if Wayne McNut had a suction mark.
Unless we missed it. Yeah.
Well, we should, uh, split up. One of us should hit the morgue.
The other should stay here and question the staff.
I'll stay. Ain't gonna happen.
Why?
Because you're weird around girls.
What does that mean, weird?
You're awkward. You know, weird ... Sam Weird.
Sorry, man. I'm just being honest.
So, you were scheduled to close the gym last night?
Yeah, but I didn't exactly lock up.
Carol was still working out,
and I had a date.
I didn't want to shortchange her, you know?
I mean, the poor girl has been working so hard
to lose weight for her wedding.
I slipped her the key,
and I told her to lock up on her way out.
Oh, it's all my fault.
Hey. Find anything at the morgue?
Yeah.
Uh, so, Wayne was banged up pretty bad.
But on the back of his neck, just below his hairline...
suction mark ... identical to Carol's.
Okay, so, they both had marks,
just like the hot trainer at Rollz.
But she was skinny...
and alive.
And just recently lost a ton of weight.
When I asked her about the mark, she, uh ...
she clammed up, got all embarrassed.
So, uh, I did some checking.
And it turns out that she took a couple of "me" days
last month and, uh, went here.
Canyon Valley? Hm. Yeah.
When you look in the mirror,
do you recognize the fat person staring back at you?
Have you tried every fad diet, every fitness trend out there,
but nothing seems to work?
Here at Canyon Valley, we guarantee weight loss
with no surgery...
No extreme dieting...
and no intensive workout regimen.
Guaranteed results in one week!
You can reach your weight-loss goals.
We did.
But only if you reach for the phone
and call Canyon Valley...
Now.
How far away is that place? Couple of hours.
We were really, really moved by the online testimonials.
Oh, yeah. That was some powerful stuff.
And you boys are both certified personal trainers?
Yeah. Yeah, personal training brothers.
Kind of like Hans and Franz, but, uh, less German.
And you're certified in...
Makin' people sweat!
Yeah. Kickin' ass and takin' names!
That's how we do!
Uh...
Uh, to clarify, uh, what my brother's trying to say is,
w-w-we both have a passion for-for fitness
and helping people.
Oh, us too. Hm.
In fact, that's how we first met.
I was Maritza's first client back in Peru.
I was on a student visa ... homesick, stressed,
eating my troubles away. Oh, he was the size of a casa.
Oh, it's true!
I was one empanada away from a heart attack.
But then this... gorgeous godsend
made me the lean, mean, fighting machine I am today.
Hm.
Ho!
Oh.
But I digress.
Now, the good news is, we are hiring.
The bad news is, there's only one trainer position available.
How do you feel about working in another department?
Huh?
Nice shorts.
Nice hairnet.
Yeah, why do I got to be the lunch lady?
Since when have you ever complained about being around food?
- Okay, this is not food. - Hey, new guy.
Quit flirtin' with the trainer and keep scoopin', huh?
It's all right. My, uh... Ashtanga yoga class
starts in five minutes.
How the hell do you know anything about yoga?
You're not the only one who's ever dated someone bendy.
Hey, you have any oatmeal?
Yeah, I wish.
No, but we have, uh, something that's tofu over there.
I ... what is that? It's a pancake. It's tofu.
I feel like a baby asking this, but...
Will the treatment hurt? Not at all.
The only drawback of cupping is, it leaves a suction mark.
It can bruise a little.
Cupping?
Yes, ancient Chinese secret. All the celebrities do it.
It draws out toxins, boosts metabolism.
You'll feel good.
Who knew?
Oh, excuse me.
It's just so relaxing in here.
It's the aromatherapy.
The lavender really packs a punch.
Huh.
Ahh. Geez.
That's wa-a-a-rm.
Flojo.
You got time to lean, you got time to clean, huh?
I'm starving. What do we get to eat?
Same as the clients. They expect us to eat this rabbit food?
It's not rabbit food. It's super food.
I'm not eating it.
At Canyon Valley, we're supposed to lead by example.
This is leading by example?
It's not for us, stupido. It's for the clients.
They're allowed to have pudding on their spa day.
It's like a ... a last hurrah before the real work starts.
Get to work.
- Hey, Frank. - Yeah?
We need to order more asparagus. Okay.
Mm.
What do you know?
Looks like it's my "spa day," too.
Okay, good job, guys. Go to, uh...
Downward dog.
Hold for five minutes.
Five minutes?
It's usually 30 seconds.
Right. Yeah, 30 seconds.
That's what ... that's what I mean.
Okay, uh, I'll just come around,
make sure everybody's form is okay,
make sure you're, uh, keeping your cores tight,
and, uh, your ...
uh, good job. Great.
Straighten that back out.
Mmm.
Mm.
Well done today! Good job!
Good work, guys! Good work!
Namaste!
Okay. Good work. See you all soon.
Good job.
How was class? It was, uh... great.
Yeah.
Agent Frehley?
What are you doing here?
Agent Frehley?
Uh, I-I-I don't know. She must be pretty out of it, huh?
Oh, excuse me.
Sorry.
I got to get this. Yeah?
Have a good one.
Sammy.
Dean?
What's wrong with you? I need your help.
Where are you? Dean?
Sweet potatoes.
Sw...
Dean?
Dean!
Dean?
- Dean! - Sammy.
Dean! Hey! Hey!
Wake up!
What took you so long?
What the hell happened? I was drugged.
Dru... what? Pudding.
It was supposed to be for the clients,
but I couldn't resist.
What, salted caramel?
Yeah, man. The best of both worlds ...
salty and sweet.
Right. Uh...
All right, you stay here.
No, no, I'm gonna come with you.
Go ahead, man. I'll catch up.
Hey.
Did you make the pudding?
Depends. On what?
Whether you liked it or not.
What's in it? Relax, Jack Lalanne.
It's low-cal. Nonfat milk, sea salt ...
No, no. Not the ingredients.
The something extra.
Chill, man. Supplements, okay?
- What kind of supplements? - Here. Hey.
To boost metabolism,
per Larry and Maritza.
These aren't "supplements", they're roofies.
What? How do you know what roofies look like?
How do you not know?
You think I want to end up in a hotel bathtub
with my kidney carved out?
In Chechnya?
Did you find anything out in the yoga?
Yeah. Yeah. "Invasion of the Body Snatchers."
Every single person in class
had one of those freaky-ass suction marks.
What the hell's goin' on here?
You know, I didn't mean to bail on you fellas,
but I've been waiting over six months
to get into Canyon Valley.
And let me tell ya, it was worth it.
I already lost 10 pounds!
In ... in one day?
No offense, Sheriff ... 'cause you look great ...
um, but aren't you the least bit curious
as to how you dropped 10 in a day?
Well, to tell you the truth, Agent,
I don't really give a flyin' fudge.
My husband, Doug, left me last year
'cause he said I loved cookie-dough milkshakes
more than him.
Sorry to hear that.
Yeah, Doug's a dick.
You deserve better.
Thanks.
But he was right.
That was a dark time for me.
Whoever said you eat your pain?
Not me. I guzzled it.
Anyhoo...
I guess I just wanted to feel pretty again.
And Canyon Valley did that.
Only question is...
What are you doing here?
We're, uh, uh...
We're undercover.
Yeah. Sort of got that.
We think that there's a connection between Canyon Valley
and the murders in town.
What kind of connection?
Suction marks.
You mean like this?
Yeah. Where did that come from? My spa treatment.
Cupping. Cupping?
Yeah. You know, I thought it was gonna hurt,
but honestly, I snoozed through the whole thing.
By the time I woke up, I was down two dress sizes.
Before the cupping, did you eat any pudding?
Darn tootin'.
Licked the bowl clean.
Donna, do you remember who did this treatment?
Oh, yeah.
You betcha.
Evelyn, you are looking great.
Just 10 more pounds till your goal weight.
Do you mind if I borrow my wife for a sec?
I'll be back.
Looking good, ladies.
Thank you.
The new guys aren't personal trainers.
What are you talking about? I did a little digging.
I found this in their glove compartment.
They're Feds? Worse.
They're hunters.
Why are hunters here?
Maybe because of this.
Oh, my God.
Do you think ... I do.
What are we going to do? Relax. I'll take care of it.
Just get rid of the evidence.
Okay, I'm no health nut, but that...
is just wrong.
All right, talk.
This isn't what you think. I'm not a killer.
Well, then, what are you?
I'm a Pishtaco.
A fish taco? A Pishtaco.
It means "Peruvian fat sucker".
Never heard of it. So, what, you're like vamps
with a sweet tooth for cellulite?
Vampires kill.
We're just... Parasites.
Oh, well, in that case ...
Look, I would never hurt anybody!
Okay, this ... this is why Larry and I started Canyon Valley.
We could help people lose weight,
and I could feed.
It was a win-win.
Yeah, except for the two you dysoned to death.
That wasn't me. Well, then who was it?
Alonso.
The dude from the cafeteria?
He's my brother.
I knew you were a lost cause.
Unlike your sister, you're weak.
Good to see you, too, Larry. How could you do this to her?
To us? Do what?
This.
Oh, that.
Oh yeah, that.
You know what that means?
Huh?
Now there are hunters here!
It's your fault, blanco!
If you didn't starve me, maybe ... Listen, freak!
Your sister and I spent years building this operation.
And if you think I'm gonna let your gluttony destroy it,
you got another thing coming.
I want you out.
Now. I'm not leaving Maritza.
Well, I got news for you, pal.
She doesn't want you here, either.
Either you leave...
or I'll make you.
I brought Alonso here from Peru
to show him a better way,
a more civilized way.
One where we weren't monsters.
That the secret to coexisting with humans was just...
eating enough to get by.
Let me guess.
Alonso wasn't a big fan of portion control, was he?
No.
During a routine treatment, he almost killed a client.
He sucked out too much fat.
I demoted him to kitchen duty ...
no human contact, just fat from a jar.
But he said the more I deprived him,
the hungrier he got.
And now three people are dead.
My husband...
Where's Alonso right now?
The ... the basement?
That's ... that's where he spends most of his time now.
What about her?
Well, till we figure out which side she's on,
she stays put. I am on your side.
Okay. Then how do we kill him?
You and stupido have no chance. The fat makes us stronger.
Your sister didn't mention that when she ratted you out.
You're lying!
I guess after you killed her husband...
you were too monstrous, even for her.
We'll let you know if we need any other information.
Thanks for everything. Appreciate it.
Hey.
What did you tell the sheriff?
The usual ... psycho killer on the loose.
They, uh...
usually buy it.
I lost my whole family today.
I'm so sorry. I...
Can I steal you a sec?
Once this place clears out,
we're gonna make this a family affair.
Wait, Dean.
We're not gonna kill Maritza.
She's a monster. Yeah, who saved our asses.
You said that you wanted to keep things strictly business.
Well, last I checked,
we were in the business of killing monsters.
I wanted to keep things strictly business between us.
But I still have a heart.
What if I had crossed paths with a hunter
back when I was possessed by Gadreel?
I could've ended up dead, too.
Would I have deserved that? Would I have deserved to die?
So, one-way ticket to Peru?
I'm hitting it. Yeah.
Hey.
Yeah?
About what you said the other day.
I thought it didn't bother you.
You know, Sam, I saved your hide back there.
And I saved your hide at that church...
And the hospital.
I may not think things all the way through.
Okay? But what I do,
I do because it's the right thing.
I'd do it again.
And that...
is the problem.
Y-you think you're my savior, m-my brother, the hero.
You swoop in, and even when you mess up,
you think what you're doing is worth it
because you've convinced yourself
you're doing more good than bad...
But you're not.
I mean, Kevin's dead, Crowley's in the wind, uh...
We're no closer to beating this angel thing.
Please tell me, what is the upside of me being alive?
You kidding me?
You and me ... fighting the good fight together.
Okay.
Just once, be honest with me.
You didn't save me for me.
You did it for you.
What are you talkin' about?
I was ready to die. I was ready.
I should have died,
but you...
You didn't want to be alone,
and that's what all this boils down to.
You can't stand the thought of being alone.
All right. I'll give you this much.
You are certainly willing to do the sacrificing
as long as you're not the one being hurt.
All right, you want to be honest?
If the situation were reversed and I was dying,
you'd do the same thing.
No, Dean.
I wouldn't.
Same circumstances...
I wouldn't.
I'm gonna get to bed.
== sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man