1 00:00:25,901 --> 00:00:28,862 So remember that the client pays for the shoot, 2 00:00:28,946 --> 00:00:30,781 but we pay for the overtime. 3 00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:33,659 So whatever you do, don't go over. 4 00:00:33,742 --> 00:00:36,245 But make the commercial as good as possible too, right? 5 00:00:37,704 --> 00:00:39,665 Yeah. Sure. Whatever. 6 00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:41,375 And I had an idea. 7 00:00:41,458 --> 00:00:43,961 Maybe we could all have a picnic together in the conference room? 8 00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:45,838 I can't make it. 9 00:00:45,921 --> 00:00:48,048 - I didn't tell you when it was. - I know. 10 00:00:48,632 --> 00:00:52,719 Come on, Barbara. Could be fun. 11 00:00:53,470 --> 00:00:56,390 We could get to know each other a little. Maybe loosen things up around here. 12 00:00:56,974 --> 00:00:59,059 Well, I've worked with this lot before, 13 00:00:59,142 --> 00:01:03,021 and, yeah, this is as loose as they get. 14 00:01:11,488 --> 00:01:13,866 - We'll see about that, Babs. - Oh, no. Don't. 15 00:01:13,949 --> 00:01:15,909 Yep. I felt that as soon as I said it. 16 00:01:18,328 --> 00:01:19,913 All right, I'm headed out. 17 00:01:20,706 --> 00:01:22,583 Everyone have a great day, yeah? 18 00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:28,672 Oi, don't do anything I wouldn't do. 19 00:01:43,187 --> 00:01:44,855 What wouldn't she do? 20 00:02:07,836 --> 00:02:09,755 Good morning, Viet… 21 00:02:09,838 --> 00:02:11,089 Ted! 22 00:02:11,173 --> 00:02:13,550 - Hey, look who's here. Hi, Keeley. - Hello, Ted. 23 00:02:14,426 --> 00:02:16,053 Trent Crimm. Are you kidding me? 24 00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:17,554 Hey, nice to see you, man. 25 00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:19,848 You know, they got a big old Ziploc bag full of your hair ties 26 00:02:19,932 --> 00:02:21,725 down at the lost and found. You should pop on down, 27 00:02:21,808 --> 00:02:22,711 if you still want 'em. 28 00:02:22,726 --> 00:02:27,231 Thank you. Mr. Crimm has requested to follow the club this year. 29 00:02:28,357 --> 00:02:31,026 - He wants to write a book about us. - Yeah? 30 00:02:31,109 --> 00:02:32,861 I think there's a story here worth telling, Ted. 31 00:02:33,570 --> 00:02:36,073 Yes, and we all love the idea. 32 00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:37,824 But obviously, as manager, 33 00:02:37,908 --> 00:02:39,952 we thought you should have the final decision. 34 00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:42,287 Okay. 35 00:02:44,706 --> 00:02:46,291 I mean, geez, you know, like… 36 00:02:54,299 --> 00:02:55,551 No. 37 00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:02,474 Sure, what the heck? Why not? When can you start? 38 00:03:02,558 --> 00:03:05,477 No time like the present. Except 11:11. That's my wishing time. 39 00:03:05,561 --> 00:03:09,189 Or 23:11, if I'm at a military base or Euro Disney. 40 00:03:09,273 --> 00:03:11,942 Right, well. Decision made. 41 00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:13,944 Wonderful. Trent, welcome. 42 00:03:15,904 --> 00:03:17,906 - Holy shit. - Uh-oh. 43 00:03:17,990 --> 00:03:19,700 Zava is leaving Juventus. 44 00:03:21,493 --> 00:03:24,746 What about their kids? I'm sorry. I didn't know what any of those things meant. 45 00:03:24,830 --> 00:03:26,540 I thought it was like Greek mythology or something. 46 00:03:26,623 --> 00:03:28,208 I was just lost. I just went with that. Sorry. 47 00:03:28,292 --> 00:03:31,253 Zava's a world-class striker who's about to leave his club in Italy. 48 00:03:32,087 --> 00:03:33,547 Cacio later, Pepe. 49 00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:36,175 Apparently, he wants to play in the Premier League 50 00:03:36,258 --> 00:03:39,761 because his wife binged The Office and she wants to live in England. 51 00:03:39,845 --> 00:03:41,847 I think you mean Scranton, Pennsylvania, buddy. 52 00:03:41,930 --> 00:03:43,640 No, the British Office, Ted. 53 00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:45,893 That's right. Y'all did a premake over here. 54 00:03:45,976 --> 00:03:47,811 If we got Zava, that would be amazing. 55 00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:50,898 He would be huge for the club's brand. He's got like 90 million followers. 56 00:03:50,981 --> 00:03:53,483 One time he just posted the word "7 million likes." 57 00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:54,776 It got 10 million likes. 58 00:03:54,860 --> 00:03:58,405 Yes, but he is very expensive. And isn't he supposed to be a bit of a diva? 59 00:03:58,488 --> 00:04:01,074 Yes, huge diva. Enormous. 60 00:04:01,158 --> 00:04:03,869 He goes through teams like you go through manicurists. 61 00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:06,413 The fumes make me dizzy, and I overshare. 62 00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:08,874 Please don't print that. 63 00:04:08,957 --> 00:04:11,919 Zava has played for 14 teams in 15 years, 64 00:04:12,002 --> 00:04:14,213 leaving behind nothing but chaos and trophies. 65 00:04:14,963 --> 00:04:16,507 Beautiful, shiny trophies. 66 00:04:16,589 --> 00:04:19,384 Yes, but, Leslie, who wants to deal with all that drama? 67 00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:22,554 Apparently, everyone who can afford him. 68 00:04:22,638 --> 00:04:26,099 Chelsea, Arsenal, United, West Ham. 69 00:04:26,183 --> 00:04:27,392 I say, let's just go for it. 70 00:04:27,476 --> 00:04:31,021 I mean, maybe he's a handful, but who doesn't love a handful? 71 00:04:31,897 --> 00:04:34,024 I mean, if you're talking salted peanuts, yes, please. 72 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:35,734 If you're talking Skittles though, no, thank you. 73 00:04:35,817 --> 00:04:37,861 You know, the dye melts, and it gets all over your fingers, 74 00:04:37,945 --> 00:04:39,029 makes 'em all sticky. 75 00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:40,697 And that, you can print. 76 00:04:43,325 --> 00:04:46,078 - Wonderful. Let's set up a meeting. - Great. 77 00:04:46,161 --> 00:04:48,163 - Let's go and get Zava. - Yes! 78 00:04:48,247 --> 00:04:49,748 - We're doing it. - Zava dabba doo! 79 00:04:50,499 --> 00:04:52,876 - Yeah. - Here we go. Yeah, come on. 80 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,253 This is exciting. 81 00:04:54,336 --> 00:04:56,463 So, am I to assume that you're going to pursue 82 00:04:56,547 --> 00:05:00,175 a notoriously mercurial player you can't really afford simply 83 00:05:00,259 --> 00:05:02,511 because the team your ex-husband owns wants him? 84 00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:06,974 No, no, no, no, no. 85 00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:09,601 Yes. 86 00:05:12,229 --> 00:05:13,230 Love that. 87 00:05:18,694 --> 00:05:21,238 So, hey, come on. Talk to me. 88 00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:24,324 What's it like being the boss of your own Keeley Street Band, huh? 89 00:05:24,408 --> 00:05:26,118 - I think it's going really good. - Yeah? 90 00:05:26,201 --> 00:05:27,452 - Yeah. - Good, good. 91 00:05:27,536 --> 00:05:30,789 Well, I do wish that my co-workers would loosen up just a little bit. 92 00:05:31,915 --> 00:05:33,625 - You want my advice? - Yes. 93 00:05:33,709 --> 00:05:35,669 Y'all should go out and do something together. 94 00:05:35,752 --> 00:05:37,296 You know, like outside of work. 95 00:05:37,379 --> 00:05:38,922 - That's a great idea. - Yeah, yeah. 96 00:05:39,631 --> 00:05:41,842 Maybe I could hire a shaman 97 00:05:41,925 --> 00:05:44,720 and we could do a bunch of ayahuasca under a blood moon. 98 00:05:45,929 --> 00:05:47,806 I was thinking something like an escape room, 99 00:05:47,890 --> 00:05:49,558 but, hey, Clamato Clamato, right? 100 00:05:49,641 --> 00:05:51,768 - Yeah. Thanks, Ted. - Good to see you. Yeah. 101 00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:53,103 - Keeley! - Yeah? 102 00:05:53,187 --> 00:05:54,897 Isaac. Hi. You all right? 103 00:05:54,980 --> 00:05:56,940 Yeah. Can you help me get a shoe deal? 104 00:05:57,024 --> 00:05:59,985 I'd love to. Any brand in particular? 105 00:06:00,068 --> 00:06:04,031 No brands. Just shoes, in general. You know. 106 00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:07,367 Great. I'll look into it for you. 107 00:06:10,412 --> 00:06:11,580 - Hi, guys. - Keeley. 108 00:06:12,164 --> 00:06:13,108 Hi, Keeley. 109 00:06:13,123 --> 00:06:14,708 - Hi, Jamie. - How you doing? You good, yeah? 110 00:06:14,791 --> 00:06:16,293 Yeah, I'm all right. You? 111 00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:20,297 Yeah, yeah. Not bad. Yeah, yeah. Gym. 112 00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:22,299 - Just went to the gym. So, yeah. Good. - Good. 113 00:06:25,677 --> 00:06:27,095 Glad you're good. I'll see you later. 114 00:06:27,179 --> 00:06:28,514 - Yeah. - Yeah. Bye. 115 00:06:31,225 --> 00:06:32,768 - Bruv. - What's up, man? 116 00:06:38,065 --> 00:06:39,775 Keeley and Roy have broken up. 117 00:06:40,609 --> 00:06:42,361 What? Who told you that? 118 00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:45,781 It's not "who," bruv. It's "what." Kinesics. 119 00:06:46,281 --> 00:06:48,367 Study of body language. Just look at 'em. 120 00:06:49,243 --> 00:06:51,537 No eye contact, Keeley's crossed arms. 121 00:06:52,538 --> 00:06:57,209 Roy's clenched arse. It's science. 122 00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:27,281 - What do you want? - You and Keeley break up? 123 00:07:28,073 --> 00:07:30,033 - Who told you that? - No one. 124 00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:31,869 I use body science. 125 00:07:33,328 --> 00:07:34,872 Why? Is it true? 126 00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:44,131 What's that fucking face? 127 00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:46,592 It's called empathy, you dusty, old fart. 128 00:07:47,384 --> 00:07:51,388 Look, as someone who's been dumped by Keeley, I get it. 129 00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:56,059 - She didn't dump me. - You dumped her? Why? 130 00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:58,979 I don't want to talk about it. Why'd you come in here? 131 00:07:59,688 --> 00:08:00,689 Let me guess. 132 00:08:00,772 --> 00:08:02,941 You want to know if it's okay to ask her out, right? 133 00:08:03,025 --> 00:08:07,946 No, I was just… I was just seeing if you were okay, man. 134 00:08:12,284 --> 00:08:13,327 Dickhead. 135 00:08:13,410 --> 00:08:14,786 - What the fuck you doing? - I was gonna hug you. 136 00:08:14,870 --> 00:08:17,915 - Well, you came at me too fast. - Jesus, sorry. 137 00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:20,918 I forget how skittish elderly people could be 'cause of the war. 138 00:08:21,752 --> 00:08:23,587 Come on, man. I was just trying to comfort you. 139 00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:25,214 Well, I don't want comfort. 140 00:08:25,297 --> 00:08:27,257 And I told you, I don't want to talk about it. 141 00:08:27,341 --> 00:08:28,926 So don't you say a fucking word. Do you hear me? 142 00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:30,469 Fine, I won't. 143 00:08:32,596 --> 00:08:34,722 And don't you say a fucking word about it either, William. 144 00:08:34,806 --> 00:08:36,099 No, no, I won't. 145 00:08:36,183 --> 00:08:38,393 I actually just went through a bit of a breakup myself, 146 00:08:38,477 --> 00:08:40,270 so I can somewhat relate. 147 00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:43,023 Hey, maybe we should all go out sometime. 148 00:08:43,106 --> 00:08:45,359 Us three. You know, get a couple drinks, couple pints, couple shots. 149 00:08:45,442 --> 00:08:48,028 Fishbowls. Single guys club. 150 00:08:51,073 --> 00:08:52,407 Or I can just not say a fucking word. 151 00:08:52,491 --> 00:08:54,451 No, I hear you. I hear you loud and clear. 152 00:08:54,535 --> 00:08:56,078 Well, you are a sleepwalker. 153 00:08:56,161 --> 00:08:58,163 I don't know what else to tell you. Period. 154 00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:02,251 Hey, Coach. 155 00:09:04,419 --> 00:09:05,420 What are you doing? 156 00:09:07,172 --> 00:09:09,007 Just taking a peek at one of these soccer strategy books 157 00:09:09,091 --> 00:09:10,091 you always got your nose in. 158 00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:15,389 What do you think? 159 00:09:16,014 --> 00:09:18,892 Well, given the struggles I've already had with the table of contents, 160 00:09:18,976 --> 00:09:20,519 I think I might be best served to wait 161 00:09:20,602 --> 00:09:22,312 until this son of a gun comes out as a movie. 162 00:09:24,273 --> 00:09:26,692 Hey, let me ask you a couple questions. 163 00:09:26,775 --> 00:09:28,235 One, what would you think if we sign Zava? 164 00:09:29,486 --> 00:09:30,737 That's good, right? 165 00:09:30,821 --> 00:09:32,406 - Zava? Yeah. - Okay. 166 00:09:33,115 --> 00:09:35,075 Second question. Who is Zava? 167 00:09:35,868 --> 00:09:38,245 He's a living legend. You know who Zava is. 168 00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:40,163 Beg to differ, Claudia Schiffer. 169 00:09:50,799 --> 00:09:53,093 Now why you got me watching the Veggie Dog Vigilante here? 170 00:09:53,719 --> 00:09:54,803 Hey. 171 00:09:55,429 --> 00:09:56,430 No way. 172 00:09:57,806 --> 00:09:59,433 Because that's Zava. 173 00:10:01,018 --> 00:10:02,227 That's Zava? 174 00:10:03,312 --> 00:10:05,355 Well, shoot. I didn't know this fella played football. 175 00:10:06,190 --> 00:10:08,483 Hey, I said football without even thinking about it. 176 00:10:08,567 --> 00:10:10,652 Boy, that book really works. 177 00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:15,616 11:11. Make a wish. 178 00:10:19,703 --> 00:10:22,372 - What'd you wish for? Come on, Coach. - I can't tell you that. 179 00:10:22,456 --> 00:10:24,166 I just don't want our wishes to cancel each other out. 180 00:10:24,249 --> 00:10:26,418 - That's not how it works. - Shut the fuck up. 181 00:10:26,502 --> 00:10:28,295 - Take it back. - Uh-oh, now what? 182 00:10:28,378 --> 00:10:29,378 Take it back. 183 00:10:29,421 --> 00:10:31,089 I can't take back things that's already happened. 184 00:10:31,173 --> 00:10:33,550 Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Fellas, what's wrong? 185 00:10:33,634 --> 00:10:35,636 Coach, we just heard the most upsetting rumor. 186 00:10:36,386 --> 00:10:38,430 Okay, is this about us getting Zava? 187 00:10:38,514 --> 00:10:40,140 - What? - We're getting Zava? 188 00:10:40,224 --> 00:10:43,477 I just wished for that 30 seconds ago. 189 00:10:48,732 --> 00:10:50,150 Wait, no. 190 00:10:50,234 --> 00:10:51,443 Hold on a second, okay? 191 00:10:51,527 --> 00:10:53,862 If y'all weren't talking about Zava, what were you so upset about? 192 00:10:53,946 --> 00:10:55,906 Is it 'cause Trent Crimm's writing a book about us? 193 00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:57,908 What? 194 00:10:57,991 --> 00:11:00,410 Wait, Trent Crimm's writing a book about Zava joining our team? 195 00:11:00,494 --> 00:11:03,205 No, no. He's just coming here to write a book about the team. 196 00:11:03,288 --> 00:11:04,706 Zava's writing a book about us? 197 00:11:04,790 --> 00:11:06,166 No, Trent Crimm. 198 00:11:06,250 --> 00:11:09,127 Why would Zava write a book about Trent Crimm? 199 00:11:12,506 --> 00:11:15,592 Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey! Stop! Okay, hold on a second. 200 00:11:15,676 --> 00:11:18,262 If y'all didn't know about Zava, which may or may not happen, 201 00:11:19,304 --> 00:11:22,057 and y'all didn't know about Trent Crimm, which is happening, 202 00:11:22,140 --> 00:11:24,393 then what were you so worked up about? 203 00:11:27,396 --> 00:11:28,689 Roy and Keeley broke up. 204 00:11:31,275 --> 00:11:32,609 Coach. 205 00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:35,028 Sorry, no, I'm okay. 206 00:11:35,112 --> 00:11:37,114 Got a little light-headed there. Yeah, thank you. 207 00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:38,365 Fuck's going on? 208 00:11:41,869 --> 00:11:42,870 Tartt! 209 00:11:42,953 --> 00:11:44,580 Hey, hey, hey, hey. I didn't say anything. 210 00:11:44,663 --> 00:11:46,331 I will fucking kill you. 211 00:11:46,415 --> 00:11:48,709 No, I came in, and they was talking about us getting Zava. 212 00:11:48,792 --> 00:11:52,421 What? We're getting Zava? 213 00:11:52,504 --> 00:11:54,798 Roy, do you want to talk about it? 214 00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:57,134 No, I'm not talking about me and Keeley. 215 00:11:57,718 --> 00:12:00,470 No, I meant Zava. Do you want to talk about it? 216 00:12:00,554 --> 00:12:03,015 Sure, he's nuts, but he'll help us win games. 217 00:12:03,098 --> 00:12:05,142 That time I was actually talking about you and Keeley. 218 00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:07,561 - Fuck's sake. - Hey, Will, come here a sec. 219 00:12:07,644 --> 00:12:09,062 - Yeah, I'm here. - Hey. 220 00:12:09,563 --> 00:12:11,440 I need you to run to my apartment, go into my desk, 221 00:12:11,523 --> 00:12:14,318 and grab my CD called "Ted's breakup mix." Okay? 222 00:12:14,401 --> 00:12:15,861 - Got it. What's a CD? - Okay. 223 00:12:15,944 --> 00:12:17,571 - Oh, boy. - On it. 224 00:12:17,654 --> 00:12:19,114 Hey, Coach, you gonna need my keys. 225 00:12:19,198 --> 00:12:20,908 - I got a set. - Right. 226 00:12:21,700 --> 00:12:23,285 - Thanks. Don't worry about it. - Okay. 227 00:12:23,368 --> 00:12:25,704 Hey, Roy, look, we're here for you. Okay? 228 00:12:26,205 --> 00:12:28,040 We've all been dumped before, right, fellas? 229 00:12:29,458 --> 00:12:32,044 She didn't dump me. I broke up with her. 230 00:12:33,921 --> 00:12:34,921 What? 231 00:12:36,048 --> 00:12:37,674 This day couldn't get any worse. 232 00:12:37,758 --> 00:12:39,510 And this is the locker room. Hello, boys. 233 00:12:39,593 --> 00:12:42,387 - I believe you all know Trent Crimm. - Gentlemen. 234 00:12:42,471 --> 00:12:44,097 The fuck is this prick doing here? 235 00:12:44,181 --> 00:12:46,266 Trent's writing a book about our season, 236 00:12:46,350 --> 00:12:49,853 so let's welcome him with open arms and open minds. 237 00:12:49,937 --> 00:12:52,481 Absolutely. Yes. 238 00:12:53,482 --> 00:12:57,069 Oi! Listen up! 239 00:12:58,362 --> 00:13:01,865 No one says a fucking word around this prick 240 00:13:02,366 --> 00:13:05,827 unless they want my forehead through their fucking skull! 241 00:13:09,206 --> 00:13:10,290 Don't worry. 242 00:13:14,211 --> 00:13:15,420 Okay, well… 243 00:13:18,257 --> 00:13:20,133 we'll work out the specifics later. 244 00:13:21,260 --> 00:13:23,470 But until then, welcome, Trent. 245 00:13:30,394 --> 00:13:32,104 I mean, fuck off, Trent Crimm. 246 00:13:54,626 --> 00:13:57,588 And cut! Thank you, folks. Moving on. 247 00:13:58,630 --> 00:14:03,093 Okay. Now the lamb chugs a Cafka mini and poof, 248 00:14:03,177 --> 00:14:05,637 turns into a smoking hot lion. 249 00:14:05,721 --> 00:14:09,099 Great, but we can't actually make the lamb drink the Cafka mini, right? 250 00:14:09,183 --> 00:14:11,226 - No, of course not. - Okay, good. 251 00:14:11,310 --> 00:14:15,063 We were told by the people in the lab, the lamb cannot drink it. 252 00:14:15,147 --> 00:14:17,691 Yeah, no, it will die instantly. 253 00:14:17,774 --> 00:14:19,151 Something about enzymes. 254 00:14:19,818 --> 00:14:21,069 I totally get it. 255 00:14:21,612 --> 00:14:25,073 - I just don't think she does. - No. I don't think she got it. 256 00:14:25,157 --> 00:14:26,825 Keeley fucking Jones. 257 00:14:27,826 --> 00:14:30,078 Shandy fucking Fine? 258 00:14:32,789 --> 00:14:35,834 Oh, my God! I didn't know you were doing this. 259 00:14:35,918 --> 00:14:38,003 I didn't know you owned a skirt that covered your whole arse. 260 00:14:38,086 --> 00:14:40,088 Oi, you borrowed and never returned many of those skirts. 261 00:14:40,172 --> 00:14:41,158 And I never will. 262 00:14:41,173 --> 00:14:43,091 One of the perks of living with you and the girls. 263 00:14:43,175 --> 00:14:46,053 - The girls! How are they? How's Chloe? - Married a footballer. 264 00:14:46,136 --> 00:14:48,013 - And Emma? - Married a footballer. 265 00:14:48,096 --> 00:14:49,223 And what about you? 266 00:14:49,306 --> 00:14:51,266 Married a footballer, divorced a footballer. 267 00:14:51,350 --> 00:14:52,684 And now I'm back here doing this. 268 00:14:53,268 --> 00:14:56,271 But enough about me. I saw you in Vanity Fair. 269 00:14:56,772 --> 00:14:59,399 Fully clothed. And I cried. 270 00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:01,568 I'm so proud of you, babe. We all are. 271 00:15:02,486 --> 00:15:03,779 Proud of me? Why? 272 00:15:04,821 --> 00:15:07,533 'Cause you made it out all by yourself. 273 00:15:12,496 --> 00:15:14,122 What is that smell? 274 00:15:14,206 --> 00:15:16,416 Apologies, lamb droppings 275 00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:18,418 are one of nature's most unpleasant aromas. 276 00:15:19,211 --> 00:15:22,297 Just be grateful Clarice here is over 30 days old. 277 00:15:22,965 --> 00:15:26,760 A week ago, her poop looked like sour, yellow toothpaste. 278 00:15:29,471 --> 00:15:31,056 No, no. Don't try and sweep it. 279 00:15:31,139 --> 00:15:33,851 No, you gotta pick it up like sushi or it'll smear. 280 00:15:35,227 --> 00:15:36,395 I was married to a footballer. 281 00:15:37,145 --> 00:15:39,231 That's it. Cheers, babe. 282 00:15:39,314 --> 00:15:41,233 - Hey, Keeley. - Yes? 283 00:15:41,316 --> 00:15:43,902 Jimmy and I think the club feels too empty. 284 00:15:43,986 --> 00:15:45,529 Yeah, it should feel totally packed. 285 00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:48,282 I mean, can we get maybe another 100 extras? 286 00:15:48,866 --> 00:15:50,117 A hundred more, right now? 287 00:15:50,701 --> 00:15:51,702 Yeah. 288 00:15:52,995 --> 00:15:54,663 You could just add a strobe effect to the post 289 00:15:54,746 --> 00:15:56,790 and let people cross close to camera. 290 00:15:56,874 --> 00:15:58,000 It'll feel really packed, 291 00:15:58,083 --> 00:15:59,835 and you won't have to spend any more money. 292 00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:02,296 - I love that. - Let's do that. 293 00:16:02,379 --> 00:16:03,672 Thank you so much. 294 00:16:05,090 --> 00:16:07,843 Look at you. Basically running the shoot. 295 00:16:07,926 --> 00:16:09,928 Maybe one day I'll make it out like you did. 296 00:16:11,722 --> 00:16:12,723 Yeah. 297 00:16:16,727 --> 00:16:17,769 Hello, Mother. 298 00:16:17,853 --> 00:16:21,148 Oh, my God, darling, I'm so pleased to hear your voice. 299 00:16:21,231 --> 00:16:24,318 I dreamt last night that you'd been murdered. 300 00:16:24,401 --> 00:16:26,236 No, still here. 301 00:16:27,404 --> 00:16:29,072 Wait, why are you in a hotel room? 302 00:16:29,156 --> 00:16:31,366 I thought you were meant to be on some three-day, 303 00:16:31,450 --> 00:16:32,910 spiritual camping retreat. 304 00:16:32,993 --> 00:16:35,871 I am. I'm not sleeping out there. 305 00:16:35,954 --> 00:16:37,581 Far too many stars. 306 00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:41,210 I keep thinking they're all staring at me, you know. 307 00:16:41,293 --> 00:16:44,213 No, but listen. I've got some exciting news for you. 308 00:16:44,296 --> 00:16:46,173 I spoke to Tish the other day, 309 00:16:46,256 --> 00:16:48,926 and she's agreed to consider meeting with you. 310 00:16:49,009 --> 00:16:51,345 Wow! Your psychic has actually agreed 311 00:16:51,428 --> 00:16:55,224 to let me pay her a lot of money to speak with her? Amazing. 312 00:16:55,307 --> 00:16:57,976 Well, no. She's considering it. 313 00:16:58,060 --> 00:17:00,896 But I think you meeting with Tish would be perfect because, 314 00:17:00,979 --> 00:17:05,150 well, you know, you are in desperate need of some maternal guidance. 315 00:17:05,233 --> 00:17:06,276 Just a minute. 316 00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:09,279 There's a group of people gathering outside for scream therapy, 317 00:17:09,363 --> 00:17:11,365 which is my favorite bit. 318 00:17:11,448 --> 00:17:13,909 So I'd better go now because I mustn't use my voice. 319 00:17:13,992 --> 00:17:16,203 - Bye-bye, sausage. - But you called me. 320 00:17:17,204 --> 00:17:19,330 I have an update on the meeting with Zava. 321 00:17:19,414 --> 00:17:20,414 Great. 322 00:17:20,457 --> 00:17:23,252 - Zava doesn't want to meet with us. - What? Why not? 323 00:17:23,335 --> 00:17:24,795 His people said, 324 00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:28,715 "It would be a waste of time for us and an embarrassment for him." 325 00:17:29,383 --> 00:17:32,010 That feels like an unnecessarily cruel response. 326 00:17:32,094 --> 00:17:34,471 But, good news, Zava is signing with Chelsea. 327 00:17:35,138 --> 00:17:36,890 Why is that good news? 328 00:17:36,974 --> 00:17:38,559 Because he's not signing with West Ham. 329 00:17:38,642 --> 00:17:41,270 He came right out and said, "I will not sign with West Ham." 330 00:17:41,353 --> 00:17:43,981 Shit. That's only going to make Rupert want him more. 331 00:17:44,064 --> 00:17:45,607 There's nothing Rupert can do. 332 00:17:45,691 --> 00:17:46,733 Great. Now you've jinxed it. 333 00:17:46,817 --> 00:17:48,610 - But I thi… - No, it's too late. Jinxed it. 334 00:17:48,694 --> 00:17:49,862 - But I do think that… - It's done. 335 00:17:51,071 --> 00:17:52,072 Well done. 336 00:17:57,661 --> 00:17:58,662 Afternoon. 337 00:18:05,169 --> 00:18:06,295 Hi. 338 00:18:07,629 --> 00:18:08,797 Jamie. 339 00:18:09,548 --> 00:18:11,008 No. No. 340 00:18:24,730 --> 00:18:26,190 Looking good out there today. 341 00:18:33,655 --> 00:18:34,740 Cool. 342 00:19:01,725 --> 00:19:03,393 Thanks for sharing your office with me. 343 00:19:03,894 --> 00:19:05,771 Even if it was Ted's idea. 344 00:19:41,890 --> 00:19:44,017 So, Richmond against Chelsea? 345 00:19:44,518 --> 00:19:47,563 That will be your first time back there since you retired. Right? 346 00:19:52,317 --> 00:19:53,318 Right. 347 00:19:58,365 --> 00:19:59,366 Sorry. 348 00:20:00,617 --> 00:20:03,662 Yeah, it's my publisher. I'll be quick. 349 00:20:04,538 --> 00:20:09,084 Hey. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no. Well, I'm here now. 350 00:20:09,168 --> 00:20:10,752 It's going very well, actually. 351 00:20:10,836 --> 00:20:12,796 I'm just getting settled in. 352 00:20:13,505 --> 00:20:16,049 Yes. Everyone's been… 353 00:20:16,967 --> 00:20:19,052 very welcoming. 354 00:20:19,636 --> 00:20:23,557 Yeah. No, I can hear that noise too. 355 00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:25,976 I'm not sure if that's my… Is that me or you? 356 00:20:26,894 --> 00:20:29,062 Do you know what? Bear with me. One moment. 357 00:20:29,730 --> 00:20:32,024 I'll take this outside. 358 00:20:38,947 --> 00:20:40,949 - Is this right? - It is. 359 00:20:43,452 --> 00:20:46,079 Yes. Your company credit card arrived. 360 00:20:46,163 --> 00:20:47,372 Awesome. Thank you. 361 00:20:47,456 --> 00:20:49,708 - Do not use it. - Okay. 362 00:20:50,292 --> 00:20:53,128 Barbara, I would love for you to meet Shandy. 363 00:20:53,212 --> 00:20:54,922 - Hi. - Hello. Hi. 364 00:20:55,005 --> 00:20:56,548 She's the newest member of KJPR. 365 00:21:00,177 --> 00:21:02,846 What position has she been hired for? 366 00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:06,767 She will be consulting 367 00:21:07,935 --> 00:21:13,023 for affiliate management 368 00:21:13,732 --> 00:21:15,400 and… 369 00:21:16,235 --> 00:21:19,530 - client relationships. - Yeah. 370 00:21:19,613 --> 00:21:21,240 Okay. 371 00:21:21,323 --> 00:21:23,867 Would you have a seat, Shandy? Shandy, is it? 372 00:21:23,951 --> 00:21:25,869 - Yeah. Sorry. - So, when I p… 373 00:21:25,953 --> 00:21:28,372 Yeah, just put it in there. Put the sweet in there. 374 00:21:28,956 --> 00:21:34,169 Well, I'd love to know what experience you have in these areas. 375 00:21:34,253 --> 00:21:36,839 In relationships, tons. 376 00:21:36,922 --> 00:21:38,257 The rest of it, not much. 377 00:21:43,345 --> 00:21:45,472 And where did you go to university? 378 00:21:46,807 --> 00:21:49,643 - I didn't go university. - Didn't go? 379 00:21:49,726 --> 00:21:51,144 - No. - Okay. 380 00:21:51,937 --> 00:21:54,606 And what were you doing right before this? 381 00:21:55,607 --> 00:21:56,650 I was modeling. 382 00:21:56,733 --> 00:22:00,487 Yeah. Okay, thanks, Shandy. 383 00:22:00,571 --> 00:22:01,738 All right. I think I've got it. 384 00:22:01,822 --> 00:22:05,409 So you've hired a former model with no previous experience, 385 00:22:05,492 --> 00:22:09,538 no higher education for a job that doesn't exist. Lovely. 386 00:22:12,165 --> 00:22:16,086 Well, welcome to the team, Shandy. 387 00:22:27,890 --> 00:22:30,601 I'm so sorry. I'll handle this. 388 00:22:38,692 --> 00:22:41,904 Barbara, I need a minute to talk with you. 389 00:22:43,906 --> 00:22:48,827 The way you just treated Shandy was incredibly rude. It was hurtful. 390 00:22:51,788 --> 00:22:55,125 - What? - That is a massive amount of snow globes. 391 00:22:55,209 --> 00:22:56,460 Yeah. I collect them. 392 00:22:57,503 --> 00:23:01,340 Well, you know, the firm sends me from company to company, 393 00:23:01,423 --> 00:23:04,468 and, yeah, wherever I go, I just buy a snow globe. 394 00:23:05,302 --> 00:23:06,929 It's a little bit silly, really. 395 00:23:07,012 --> 00:23:09,765 No, I think it's incredibly charming. 396 00:23:16,188 --> 00:23:19,191 You cannot speak to people like that. Not here. 397 00:23:20,984 --> 00:23:23,237 I know Shandy's my friend, and you're right. 398 00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:28,867 She does not have the experience. But she is smart. She's eager. I believe in her. 399 00:23:30,994 --> 00:23:32,579 Like the firm must believe in you 400 00:23:32,663 --> 00:23:36,416 to send you all over the world to all those lovely places, right? 401 00:23:42,005 --> 00:23:45,884 Maybe you and I can see how good it feels to believe in someone else. 402 00:23:46,385 --> 00:23:48,470 Together. Yeah? 403 00:23:54,476 --> 00:23:57,145 Client relations coordinator. 404 00:23:59,356 --> 00:24:00,524 That's her title. 405 00:24:01,650 --> 00:24:05,863 Good. Yes. Just in case you hadn't realized, 406 00:24:05,946 --> 00:24:08,407 I totally made up that one I told you before. 407 00:24:10,534 --> 00:24:13,245 Hello. Hi. 408 00:24:16,665 --> 00:24:18,500 - Roy. - No. 409 00:24:18,584 --> 00:24:20,460 I understand your hesitation having me here. 410 00:24:20,544 --> 00:24:24,339 You're protective of the team, and I admire how much they respect you. 411 00:24:24,423 --> 00:24:27,050 It's not easy getting such fulfillment from a second career. 412 00:24:27,134 --> 00:24:28,677 I'm not sure I even got it from my first. 413 00:24:31,054 --> 00:24:33,891 Maybe you could just give me a chance. 414 00:24:36,852 --> 00:24:38,645 Fuck off. 415 00:24:43,358 --> 00:24:44,568 Wow, okay. 416 00:24:49,823 --> 00:24:53,243 A new season begins and hope springs eternal, 417 00:24:53,327 --> 00:24:56,371 except perhaps for AFC Richmond. 418 00:24:56,455 --> 00:24:59,208 They return to the Premier League after a one-year absence 419 00:24:59,291 --> 00:25:02,794 but are widely expected to have a rather short stay. 420 00:25:03,295 --> 00:25:06,798 Worse yet, their campaign begins here at Stamford Bridge, 421 00:25:06,882 --> 00:25:10,135 the home of the formidable Chelsea Football Club. 422 00:25:10,219 --> 00:25:11,637 To be promoted to the Premier League 423 00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:14,014 is like going from a council estate to the penthouse, Arlo. 424 00:25:14,598 --> 00:25:16,350 Richmond should enjoy it while it lasts. 425 00:25:16,433 --> 00:25:19,561 Gentlemen, welcome back to the Premier League. 426 00:25:19,645 --> 00:25:21,563 Back where we belong. Pip pip. 427 00:25:22,439 --> 00:25:25,025 Feels like we never left. 428 00:25:25,609 --> 00:25:26,610 Here you go, lads. 429 00:25:27,736 --> 00:25:29,488 Mae. I got the fish and chips. 430 00:25:29,571 --> 00:25:30,697 I had the burger. 431 00:25:33,909 --> 00:25:35,619 It's good to be back. 432 00:25:41,166 --> 00:25:43,502 How's work? How's your friend doing? 433 00:25:43,585 --> 00:25:45,254 Shandy? Yeah, she's doing great. 434 00:25:45,921 --> 00:25:47,422 - Good. - Yeah. 435 00:25:50,342 --> 00:25:52,177 She's just full of ideas. 436 00:25:52,261 --> 00:25:53,637 - Excuse me. Excuse me. - Uh-oh. 437 00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:55,848 - Thank you. Sorry. Excuse me. - Any news? 438 00:25:56,348 --> 00:25:58,350 Zava and Chelsea are pretty much a done deal. 439 00:25:58,433 --> 00:26:01,645 I have the confirmation of that from a very reliable source. 440 00:26:01,728 --> 00:26:02,771 What source? 441 00:26:02,855 --> 00:26:04,898 A friend of my wife knows an agent 442 00:26:04,982 --> 00:26:08,443 whose masseuse moonlights as an airline steward on private jets. 443 00:26:08,527 --> 00:26:10,529 Now, she wasn't working today, 444 00:26:10,612 --> 00:26:12,906 but her coworker who can read lips, 445 00:26:12,990 --> 00:26:16,743 he saw Zava mouth the word "Chelsea" a lot. 446 00:26:16,827 --> 00:26:18,745 - God, I wish I could read lips. - Yeah. 447 00:26:18,829 --> 00:26:21,665 Okay. Has anyone seen Rupert? Is there any sign of him? 448 00:26:21,748 --> 00:26:26,920 No, Rebecca. He's not here. And even if he was, there's nothing he can do. 449 00:26:27,004 --> 00:26:28,547 Great. Jinxed it again. 450 00:26:34,887 --> 00:26:36,388 Fuck you, you old geezer. 451 00:26:38,098 --> 00:26:41,602 - Hello, Roy. Welcome back. - How you doing, mate? 452 00:26:41,685 --> 00:26:43,312 Heard the news. 453 00:26:45,981 --> 00:26:47,024 I broke up with her. 454 00:26:47,107 --> 00:26:49,484 Why? I mean, you guys were perfect together. 455 00:26:49,985 --> 00:26:51,570 Fuckin' Bruce. 456 00:26:51,653 --> 00:26:52,988 Oi, that's Roy Kent. 457 00:26:53,071 --> 00:26:55,073 - Roy! - Roy Kent! 458 00:26:55,574 --> 00:26:57,117 We love you, Roy! 459 00:26:57,201 --> 00:26:59,661 He's here, he's there, he's every fucking where, 460 00:26:59,745 --> 00:27:01,872 Roy Kent! Roy Kent! 461 00:27:01,955 --> 00:27:04,499 He's here, he's there, he's every fucking where, 462 00:27:04,583 --> 00:27:10,047 Roy Kent, Roy Kent! He's here… 463 00:27:11,590 --> 00:27:13,133 Now that's a lovely moment. 464 00:27:13,217 --> 00:27:15,886 Chelsea fans letting their former captain, Roy Kent, 465 00:27:15,969 --> 00:27:17,888 know how they still feel about him. 466 00:27:18,430 --> 00:27:21,517 Roy Kent, Roy Kent! 467 00:27:22,184 --> 00:27:24,853 He's here, he's there, he's every fucking where, 468 00:27:24,937 --> 00:27:28,023 Roy Kent, Roy Kent… 469 00:27:41,828 --> 00:27:44,623 - Thank you. - Oh, my gosh. Is that Zava? 470 00:27:44,706 --> 00:27:45,874 There he is. 471 00:27:45,958 --> 00:27:47,292 Look, it's Zava. 472 00:27:47,876 --> 00:27:49,753 Zava! Zava! Zava! 473 00:27:49,837 --> 00:27:51,839 And the great Zava makes his appearance. 474 00:27:51,922 --> 00:27:55,801 Will he be signing for Chelsea today? What are you hearing, Chris? 475 00:27:55,884 --> 00:27:57,261 All sorts of things. 476 00:27:57,344 --> 00:28:00,931 The crowd, your voice, a slight ringing because I bumped my head earlier. 477 00:28:02,558 --> 00:28:04,309 Holy… 478 00:28:07,187 --> 00:28:08,564 - Jamie. - What? 479 00:28:09,147 --> 00:28:10,399 It's Zava. 480 00:28:11,066 --> 00:28:13,151 - So what, man? - My heart is racing. 481 00:28:13,235 --> 00:28:15,028 I haven't been this nervous to play in front of someone 482 00:28:15,112 --> 00:28:16,947 since I was in El Chapo's youth league. 483 00:28:17,656 --> 00:28:18,657 Move, man. 484 00:28:18,740 --> 00:28:20,868 Oh, my God. I cannot believe it. 485 00:28:22,870 --> 00:28:25,122 Wow, we're in the same city as Zava. 486 00:28:25,205 --> 00:28:26,748 Thank God we dressed up. 487 00:28:30,169 --> 00:28:33,213 The players are in position, awaiting the referee's whistle. 488 00:28:33,297 --> 00:28:36,383 And we're off. Another season begins. 489 00:28:42,431 --> 00:28:44,183 Leslie, will you pull yourself together? 490 00:28:49,980 --> 00:28:52,941 Hughes tries for Todd, but Chelsea intercepts. 491 00:28:53,025 --> 00:28:55,611 The Greyhounds are in massive jeopardy now. 492 00:28:56,236 --> 00:29:00,616 Some invention. Look at that pace. High-pressure football. 493 00:29:01,909 --> 00:29:03,410 - And Chelsea on the board… - Fuck! 494 00:29:03,493 --> 00:29:04,912 - …with beautiful counterattack… - Shit. 495 00:29:04,995 --> 00:29:06,038 …against a reeling Richmond. 496 00:29:06,121 --> 00:29:07,956 No! 497 00:29:08,540 --> 00:29:09,833 Absolutely devastating. 498 00:29:09,917 --> 00:29:13,045 Take off those fucking hats. They're bad luck. 499 00:29:13,128 --> 00:29:14,338 Same old shit. 500 00:29:15,297 --> 00:29:17,132 - The ref blows his whistle… - It's all right. 501 00:29:17,216 --> 00:29:20,427 …for the conclusion of the first half, and it's Chelsea 1, Richmond nil. 502 00:29:20,511 --> 00:29:23,764 You have to give Richmond credit for hanging on as long as they did, Arlo. 503 00:29:26,475 --> 00:29:28,393 - That's beautiful. - Yeah. 504 00:29:33,148 --> 00:29:34,149 What now? 505 00:29:35,067 --> 00:29:36,443 I might've jinxed it. 506 00:29:39,571 --> 00:29:40,572 I knew it. 507 00:29:42,324 --> 00:29:44,159 Would you please go and find out as much as you can 508 00:29:44,243 --> 00:29:46,912 from your vast network of lip-reading massage therapists? 509 00:29:46,995 --> 00:29:49,665 Okay. Pardon me. Excuse me. 510 00:29:49,748 --> 00:29:51,083 Excuse me. Pardon me. 511 00:29:52,960 --> 00:29:56,088 - Rupert's gonna land Zava. - You don't know that. 512 00:29:57,965 --> 00:30:00,342 Years ago, when I was bartending in that private club, 513 00:30:00,843 --> 00:30:03,512 Rupert and his then wife came into the bar. 514 00:30:04,346 --> 00:30:06,473 He was the life and soul of the party. 515 00:30:06,557 --> 00:30:11,937 Buying rounds of drinks for everyone, telling stories. Just charm personified. 516 00:30:12,020 --> 00:30:14,898 And he left me a massive tip. And then about a week later, 517 00:30:14,982 --> 00:30:18,902 he came back without his wife and asked me out. 518 00:30:18,986 --> 00:30:22,489 - I, of course, said no. Then he left. - What a dick. 519 00:30:23,073 --> 00:30:26,618 But then he came back the next night and the next night and the next. 520 00:30:26,702 --> 00:30:28,203 And he would just sit at the bar 521 00:30:28,287 --> 00:30:31,832 with a drink and chatted to me until close. 522 00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:35,878 And he just said, "It doesn't matter if you ever go out with me. 523 00:30:35,961 --> 00:30:38,338 It's just worth it being here to get to know you." 524 00:30:39,548 --> 00:30:42,634 It's a fine line between stalking and romance. 525 00:30:42,718 --> 00:30:47,556 And after about six weeks of that, he asked me out again. 526 00:30:48,056 --> 00:30:52,519 And I said yes without any hesitation. 527 00:30:52,603 --> 00:30:53,770 Because by that point… 528 00:30:54,521 --> 00:30:57,816 I just felt so lucky because he wanted me. 529 00:31:00,110 --> 00:31:02,654 He made me feel special. Chosen. 530 00:31:06,116 --> 00:31:07,326 He made me feel like that. 531 00:31:22,674 --> 00:31:24,343 Hey, fellas. Listen up. 532 00:31:25,260 --> 00:31:27,554 We get one goal, we're right back in this thing, yeah? 533 00:31:27,638 --> 00:31:29,389 But right now, we are being so unoffensive, 534 00:31:29,473 --> 00:31:32,684 we might as well be a Hallmark Christmas movie, you know what I'm saying? 535 00:31:32,768 --> 00:31:33,769 - What? - What's that? 536 00:31:33,852 --> 00:31:35,687 I mean, Coach, how many shots on goal we have that half? 537 00:31:35,771 --> 00:31:37,022 - One. - Yeah, that's what I thought. 538 00:31:37,105 --> 00:31:39,816 And that one was pretty much a mistake. Am I correct, Dani? 539 00:31:39,900 --> 00:31:43,237 Yes, it bounced off my face. But my face almost scored. 540 00:31:44,446 --> 00:31:45,864 Yes, it was close. 541 00:31:46,573 --> 00:31:48,158 - Coach. - Yeah, Jamie. 542 00:31:48,242 --> 00:31:49,326 - One idea. - What you got? 543 00:31:49,409 --> 00:31:51,954 Right, so every time they're going past the halfway line, they're just… 544 00:32:02,756 --> 00:32:04,132 Trent, hold on a second. 545 00:32:05,384 --> 00:32:07,261 Roy, can I speak with you? 546 00:32:13,934 --> 00:32:16,562 Oi, what the fuck's a Hallmark Christmas movie? 547 00:32:16,645 --> 00:32:19,106 Hey, look, man, I don't know what your beef is with Trent, 548 00:32:20,023 --> 00:32:22,943 but I'm gonna need you to order off the vegan menu right now and squash it. 549 00:32:24,236 --> 00:32:25,571 'Cause your ego's about to sabotage 550 00:32:25,654 --> 00:32:27,573 a whole lot more than a silly football match. 551 00:32:29,700 --> 00:32:30,701 You feel me? 552 00:32:33,078 --> 00:32:34,121 Thank you. 553 00:32:35,998 --> 00:32:38,458 And Hallmark Christmas movies are films that feature women 554 00:32:38,542 --> 00:32:41,044 from the big city falling in love with their childhood crushes. 555 00:32:41,128 --> 00:32:43,672 It's usually some fella that owns a Christmas tree farm. 556 00:32:43,755 --> 00:32:46,049 Sometimes he's also Santa Claus or a prince. 557 00:32:47,342 --> 00:32:48,719 They suck, but they're great. 558 00:32:48,802 --> 00:32:50,345 But they also mostly suck. 559 00:32:50,929 --> 00:32:52,222 But they're also kinda great. 560 00:32:52,973 --> 00:32:54,391 They're good with the sound off. 561 00:32:55,976 --> 00:32:57,728 Now go fix this, please. 562 00:33:06,904 --> 00:33:07,946 Crimm! 563 00:33:24,296 --> 00:33:25,422 It's actually quite funny 564 00:33:25,506 --> 00:33:27,257 when he yells at other people, innit? 565 00:33:43,774 --> 00:33:44,942 Hold this. 566 00:33:53,283 --> 00:33:58,830 "Newcomer Roy Kent is an overhyped, so-called prodigy 567 00:33:59,748 --> 00:34:02,960 whose unbridled rage and mediocre talent 568 00:34:03,794 --> 00:34:09,424 rendered his Premier League debut a profound disappointment." 569 00:34:11,635 --> 00:34:12,844 Do you know who wrote that? 570 00:34:15,347 --> 00:34:17,683 I was 17 years old. 571 00:34:19,184 --> 00:34:21,103 This fucking wrecked me. 572 00:34:23,105 --> 00:34:25,065 I thought I was being edgy. 573 00:34:26,024 --> 00:34:28,235 I was just trying to make a name for myself. 574 00:34:29,777 --> 00:34:34,992 All I really did was look for the worst in people. I'm sorry. 575 00:34:38,203 --> 00:34:39,496 It's all right. 576 00:34:41,290 --> 00:34:42,416 Give me that. 577 00:34:46,170 --> 00:34:47,254 You know, it's funny. 578 00:34:48,255 --> 00:34:51,049 - We had a lot in common back then. - We did? 579 00:34:51,132 --> 00:34:53,552 We both thought one another sucked shit at their job. 580 00:34:55,012 --> 00:34:56,221 And now look at us. 581 00:34:58,682 --> 00:34:59,725 - Go. - Yeah. 582 00:35:05,856 --> 00:35:07,191 Oi. 583 00:35:09,109 --> 00:35:10,736 You can talk around this prick now. 584 00:35:12,362 --> 00:35:14,031 Oi. Hold on, yo, yo, Jamie. What were you saying? 585 00:35:14,114 --> 00:35:17,117 Yeah, man. Listen. What I'm saying is, every time we go past halfway, 586 00:35:17,201 --> 00:35:19,703 they're just blocking up the passing lanes, you get that? 587 00:35:19,786 --> 00:35:21,580 Yes, yes. That's right. They're not marking us. 588 00:35:21,663 --> 00:35:23,123 So just keep dribbling until they stop you. 589 00:35:23,207 --> 00:35:26,585 Exactly! Let's take it all the way and fucking win this. 590 00:35:26,668 --> 00:35:28,295 Yes! Yeah! 591 00:35:31,507 --> 00:35:33,509 Thank you, thank you. 592 00:35:33,592 --> 00:35:34,760 Well? 593 00:35:34,843 --> 00:35:37,054 I just got off the phone with my son's karate teacher, 594 00:35:37,137 --> 00:35:40,224 who used to date the woman who ran Zava's avocado farm… 595 00:35:40,307 --> 00:35:44,019 - Would you please get on with it? - He might be going to West Ham. 596 00:35:44,102 --> 00:35:45,521 - Shit. - I knew it. 597 00:35:47,064 --> 00:35:48,899 Rupert always gets what he wants. 598 00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:56,281 You know what? 599 00:35:57,282 --> 00:36:00,536 If Rupert can sweet-talk Zava into joining his club, then so can I. 600 00:36:01,245 --> 00:36:02,579 - Yes. - Excuse me. 601 00:36:02,663 --> 00:36:03,872 Thank you. Sorry. 602 00:36:03,956 --> 00:36:05,415 And we're back for the second half. 603 00:36:05,499 --> 00:36:08,836 Chris, do you think either of these teams made any adjustments in the locker rooms? 604 00:36:08,919 --> 00:36:10,754 I'm sure they did, Arlo. 605 00:36:10,838 --> 00:36:13,924 But professional athletes don't mind adjusting themselves in public either. 606 00:36:18,971 --> 00:36:21,139 Hello there. Rebecca Welton, AFC Richmond. 607 00:36:21,223 --> 00:36:23,225 I'd love to see Zava. Thank you. 608 00:36:23,308 --> 00:36:25,185 No one gets in to see Zava. 609 00:36:25,769 --> 00:36:28,021 - I just saw Mr. Mannion… - Rebecca, my dear. 610 00:36:29,982 --> 00:36:33,110 - Rupert. What a lovely surprise. - Yeah. 611 00:36:35,195 --> 00:36:37,239 - There you go, Mr. Mannion. - Thank you, Matthew. 612 00:36:39,032 --> 00:36:41,869 Congratulations, by the way, on the win against Leicester yesterday. 613 00:36:41,952 --> 00:36:46,373 Thank you. Yeah. We are so lucky to have a manager like Nathan. 614 00:36:46,456 --> 00:36:51,128 He's a gaffer who really understands the game. Such an advantage. 615 00:36:55,382 --> 00:37:00,012 Zava. Let me introduce Rebecca Welton. My ex-wife. 616 00:37:00,679 --> 00:37:02,431 And the owner of AFC Richmond. 617 00:37:02,514 --> 00:37:03,640 Yeah, of course. 618 00:37:04,391 --> 00:37:06,226 It's an honor for you to meet me. 619 00:37:08,312 --> 00:37:09,214 See you soon. 620 00:37:09,229 --> 00:37:10,397 Can't wait. 621 00:37:20,240 --> 00:37:23,577 He will look so great in claret and blue. 622 00:37:27,998 --> 00:37:29,750 You know, Rupert, I was a little bit surprised 623 00:37:29,833 --> 00:37:31,793 when you bought West Ham. 624 00:37:31,877 --> 00:37:34,630 I always thought that Richmond was your one true love. 625 00:37:35,631 --> 00:37:40,469 Guess I'm just like any man. Just get bored with the same old, same old. 626 00:37:43,514 --> 00:37:45,015 Good luck with this season. 627 00:38:12,584 --> 00:38:15,879 You are such a fucking chickenshit. 628 00:38:16,547 --> 00:38:20,926 I mean, if you were great, truly great, you could play anywhere. 629 00:38:21,009 --> 00:38:25,180 But instead you choose a club like West Ham, because it's big and shiny, 630 00:38:25,264 --> 00:38:27,766 and you know that they'll win whether you're there or not. 631 00:38:28,267 --> 00:38:30,227 And you'll never have to wonder 632 00:38:30,310 --> 00:38:33,021 if you're still as good as you tell everyone you are. 633 00:38:34,690 --> 00:38:39,945 But you and I know that you're not. You're overrated. You're overpaid. 634 00:38:42,614 --> 00:38:45,409 And you eat too much fucking asparagus. 635 00:38:51,957 --> 00:38:54,501 Richmond's defending has kept them in this match, 636 00:38:54,585 --> 00:38:56,837 and they are one moment of inspiration away 637 00:38:56,920 --> 00:38:59,423 from going home with an unlikely point. 638 00:38:59,506 --> 00:39:02,384 Well, Chelsea giving Hughes space. 639 00:39:02,467 --> 00:39:05,053 If they're going to give him space, he's going to take it. 640 00:39:05,137 --> 00:39:08,015 Possibilities here. Hughes has options. 641 00:39:08,557 --> 00:39:10,517 He slides it through to Tartt. 642 00:39:11,101 --> 00:39:12,644 Is this the moment? 643 00:39:13,645 --> 00:39:15,564 Obisanya's gonna have a go. 644 00:39:17,316 --> 00:39:19,902 It's in, off the face of Rojas! 645 00:39:19,985 --> 00:39:21,737 - Absolutely brilliant. - Yes! 646 00:39:21,820 --> 00:39:24,156 In the blink of an eye. Would you believe it? 647 00:39:24,239 --> 00:39:26,742 An historic goal, and it's 1-1. 648 00:39:26,825 --> 00:39:30,162 My face scored a goal! My face scored a goal! 649 00:39:30,829 --> 00:39:34,166 Chris, have you ever scored with your face? 650 00:39:34,249 --> 00:39:38,128 I've scored with every part of my body, Arlo. That's a ridiculous question. 651 00:39:39,505 --> 00:39:41,298 - That was amazing. - Yeah, mate. 652 00:39:41,381 --> 00:39:42,758 Do you think Zava saw? 653 00:39:44,384 --> 00:39:45,594 Don't be a dick, man. 654 00:39:46,178 --> 00:39:47,179 Come on. 655 00:39:48,805 --> 00:39:50,349 Excuse me. Sorry. 656 00:39:54,269 --> 00:39:56,063 Oi, how'd it go? 657 00:39:56,146 --> 00:40:00,192 - Did you sweet-talk him? - What's the opposite of that? 658 00:40:01,235 --> 00:40:02,361 Sour-yell. 659 00:40:03,195 --> 00:40:04,571 Yeah, I did that. 660 00:40:08,158 --> 00:40:10,911 And Richmond managed to secure a 1-1 draw 661 00:40:10,994 --> 00:40:13,413 against Chelsea in this gripping West London derby. 662 00:40:13,497 --> 00:40:16,041 - There we go. There you go. - They'll be leaving Stamford Bridge 663 00:40:16,124 --> 00:40:18,502 with a well-deserved point on the table. 664 00:40:23,882 --> 00:40:26,134 Hello, everyone. Thanks for joining us. 665 00:40:26,218 --> 00:40:28,929 Obviously not the result we were hoping for today. 666 00:40:29,012 --> 00:40:33,225 But I am certain that this afternoon's announcement 667 00:40:33,308 --> 00:40:36,520 will raise every Chelsea fan's spirits. 668 00:40:36,603 --> 00:40:39,690 - Now, I know… - Still think we need to get to the office. 669 00:40:40,232 --> 00:40:41,567 It won't be safe here. 670 00:40:41,650 --> 00:40:44,111 Please welcome the newest member 671 00:40:44,194 --> 00:40:46,446 of Chelsea Football Club. 672 00:40:47,030 --> 00:40:48,198 Zava. 673 00:40:52,661 --> 00:40:55,163 Welcome, Zava. Please take a seat. 674 00:40:56,665 --> 00:41:01,253 All right. You just sign. And there's the pen. 675 00:41:04,131 --> 00:41:05,299 Please. 676 00:41:11,930 --> 00:41:15,309 I have changed my mind. Zava will not play for Chelsea. 677 00:41:17,561 --> 00:41:19,438 Oh, God. I'm sorry. I can't watch this. 678 00:41:21,815 --> 00:41:23,442 Zava will play for Richmond. 679 00:41:29,740 --> 00:41:31,116 You twat! 680 00:41:33,368 --> 00:41:35,412 - May I keep the pen? - Sure. 681 00:41:37,497 --> 00:41:38,498 What? 682 00:41:43,795 --> 00:41:45,422 What the fuck? 683 00:41:45,506 --> 00:41:46,757 - You did it. - Yeah. 684 00:41:46,840 --> 00:41:48,467 - You did it! - Oh, my God. 685 00:41:49,092 --> 00:41:51,595 Yo! We've got Zava. 686 00:41:51,678 --> 00:41:52,623 What? 687 00:41:52,638 --> 00:41:55,015 We've got Zava! Look! 688 00:41:55,849 --> 00:41:56,850 Shit! 689 00:42:02,856 --> 00:42:04,942 Fans are not gonna like this. 690 00:42:05,025 --> 00:42:10,781 Zava! We got you, Zava! We got you, Zava! We got you, ra, ra, ra! 691 00:42:15,494 --> 00:42:17,329 - All right, man. Take care, man. - Take care. 692 00:42:17,412 --> 00:42:19,414 - Zava is coming here. - Zava. 693 00:42:34,888 --> 00:42:37,599 What you up to tonight, Coach? You wanna race-walk home together? 694 00:42:38,100 --> 00:42:41,103 Can't. Jane and I are gonna go see her friend's immersive theater show 695 00:42:41,186 --> 00:42:42,271 about the menstrual cycle. 696 00:42:44,648 --> 00:42:46,650 All right, well, I hope you're not late. 697 00:42:46,733 --> 00:42:48,360 Please tell Jane I said hello. 698 00:42:48,443 --> 00:42:52,030 I would, but she still finds our relationship threatening. 699 00:42:54,324 --> 00:42:55,659 - Night, guys. - Good night. 700 00:42:55,742 --> 00:42:56,785 Night, Coach. 701 00:42:57,452 --> 00:43:00,747 What do you say, Mr. Crimm? Heck of a first week, yeah? 702 00:43:01,331 --> 00:43:02,374 And we've only just begun. 703 00:43:04,376 --> 00:43:06,086 - Good night. - Night, Roy. 704 00:43:06,879 --> 00:43:10,340 Hey, Roy. I'm just curious, what was it like being back at Chelsea? 705 00:43:10,424 --> 00:43:12,134 All them fans sure were happy to see you. 706 00:43:14,094 --> 00:43:20,017 I don't know. Just felt… sad. Or something. 707 00:43:20,100 --> 00:43:21,852 Really? Why is that? 708 00:43:38,285 --> 00:43:42,539 Last season I was there, we played a match against Arsenal, 709 00:43:43,540 --> 00:43:47,252 - and we fucking murdered 'em. - I remember, 3-nil. 710 00:43:47,336 --> 00:43:48,670 Yeah. 711 00:43:50,464 --> 00:43:51,840 But I played like shit. 712 00:43:54,426 --> 00:43:55,636 Right? 713 00:43:59,806 --> 00:44:01,183 I did. 714 00:44:02,142 --> 00:44:05,312 That was the first time, ever, I thought, 715 00:44:06,688 --> 00:44:08,232 "I can't keep up anymore. 716 00:44:10,067 --> 00:44:11,485 I'm not good enough." 717 00:44:13,278 --> 00:44:17,449 And that was all I could think about for the rest of the year. 718 00:44:18,992 --> 00:44:24,498 I knew it was only gonna get worse. So at the end of the season, I left. 719 00:44:26,333 --> 00:44:32,256 Everyone was shocked. The club was shocked. The fans. The press. 720 00:44:32,339 --> 00:44:33,632 Yeah. 721 00:44:34,424 --> 00:44:36,385 I didn't wanna be one of them broken-down footballers 722 00:44:36,468 --> 00:44:38,720 just taking up space until they're dropped, 723 00:44:39,221 --> 00:44:40,848 years after they should have been. 724 00:44:40,931 --> 00:44:44,810 Yeah, well, a lot of folks think it's better to quit than to be fired, you know? 725 00:44:45,978 --> 00:44:46,979 Yeah. 726 00:44:49,648 --> 00:44:51,108 But going back there today… 727 00:44:54,194 --> 00:44:55,779 there's a part of me… 728 00:44:58,615 --> 00:45:00,200 thinking maybe I should have stayed… 729 00:45:02,452 --> 00:45:05,414 and just fucking… 730 00:45:07,749 --> 00:45:09,543 enjoyed myself. 731 00:45:16,592 --> 00:45:18,343 But that is not who I am, 732 00:45:19,553 --> 00:45:20,554 I guess. 733 00:45:22,514 --> 00:45:23,515 Not yet. 734 00:45:27,728 --> 00:45:30,981 But, hey, if you wouldn't have left Chelsea when you did, 735 00:45:32,274 --> 00:45:33,859 we probably never would have met. 736 00:45:44,453 --> 00:45:46,079 - Good night. - Good night. 737 00:45:47,206 --> 00:45:48,624 Good night, Roy. 738 00:45:53,003 --> 00:45:54,004 Sport. 739 00:45:55,088 --> 00:45:56,507 It's quite the metaphor. 740 00:45:56,590 --> 00:46:00,344 Yeah. It also makes for a heck of a nickname. 741 00:46:01,220 --> 00:46:02,221 Yeah. 742 00:46:02,304 --> 00:46:04,348 - Night, Ted. - Good night, sport.