1 00:00:35,577 --> 00:00:36,828 Good morning. 2 00:00:36,912 --> 00:00:41,625 Today on the show, we'll meet the winners of our UK's Ugliest Home contest. 3 00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:44,962 Oh, yeah, also making a new recipe with popular online chef, Momo, 4 00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:47,965 who also happens to be a chimpanzee. 5 00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:50,843 Now, I wonder if he's gonna make something with bananas in it. 6 00:00:50,926 --> 00:00:53,720 - Banana bread maybe. - Or maybe banana pancake. 7 00:00:53,804 --> 00:00:55,055 Oh, man. 8 00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:03,605 Morning, Mae. 9 00:01:04,272 --> 00:01:05,274 Morning, Ted. 10 00:01:05,357 --> 00:01:07,234 Hey, thanks again for the accommodations upstairs. 11 00:01:07,317 --> 00:01:08,569 They're perfect and convenient. 12 00:01:08,652 --> 00:01:12,406 Stay as long as you like 'cause the only other renters I get 13 00:01:12,489 --> 00:01:15,951 either have little yapping dogs or cocaine habits. 14 00:01:16,034 --> 00:01:18,245 Both are a pain in the arse at 4:00 in the morning. 15 00:01:18,328 --> 00:01:21,957 And after they check out, there's shit everywhere. 16 00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:23,625 Yeah. What do we got here? 17 00:01:23,709 --> 00:01:25,085 Something to set you up for the day. 18 00:01:25,169 --> 00:01:28,005 That's mighty kind of you, but I'm not really a morning beer person. 19 00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:30,299 It's Guinness. That's a full meal. 20 00:01:31,175 --> 00:01:32,176 Still. 21 00:01:32,259 --> 00:01:33,385 But I'll see you later, all right? 22 00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:36,972 Bit early for my second of the day, but... 23 00:01:38,140 --> 00:01:39,141 fuck it. 24 00:01:49,526 --> 00:01:50,986 I guess nothing stays the same. 25 00:01:51,737 --> 00:01:53,572 Okay. A little bit to the right. 26 00:01:53,655 --> 00:01:55,741 - Welcome back, Coach. - Thank you, sir. 27 00:01:55,824 --> 00:01:58,827 Too bad you're coaching a bunch of girls, you wanker. 28 00:02:02,039 --> 00:02:03,832 I guess some things do stay the same. 29 00:02:10,380 --> 00:02:11,507 Come in. 30 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:15,469 - Morning, Leslie. - Hello, Rebecca. 31 00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:19,681 For you. 32 00:02:19,765 --> 00:02:22,100 Tell me you didn't write a novel in your downtime. 33 00:02:22,184 --> 00:02:23,977 What downtime, Rebecca? 34 00:02:24,061 --> 00:02:26,605 No, with the Twickenham FC women's team going under, 35 00:02:26,688 --> 00:02:29,233 I felt compelled to commission a more extensive analysis 36 00:02:29,316 --> 00:02:31,235 of our women's team viability. 37 00:02:31,318 --> 00:02:34,488 "Knox and Sullivan's strategic assessment of the short and long-term viability 38 00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:36,615 of professional women's football in London, 39 00:02:36,698 --> 00:02:40,744 TW2 7BU prepared for Leslie R..." 40 00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:43,205 "Higgins on behalf of AFC Richmond." 41 00:02:43,789 --> 00:02:45,457 Crikey, that's a bit of a mouthful, isn't it? 42 00:02:45,541 --> 00:02:47,292 I agree. So for short, 43 00:02:47,376 --> 00:02:53,507 I think we should call it the KSSASLVPWFLTPLRHBAR report. 44 00:02:54,383 --> 00:02:56,134 I think we just call it The Higgins Report, shall we? 45 00:02:56,718 --> 00:02:57,845 I'm flattered. 46 00:02:57,928 --> 00:03:00,138 So what's the gist of it then? 47 00:03:00,222 --> 00:03:01,223 I haven't read it yet. 48 00:03:01,306 --> 00:03:03,392 I spent the entire evening memorizing the acronym, 49 00:03:04,059 --> 00:03:07,479 but I will read it all and give you a summary the moment I'm done. 50 00:03:07,563 --> 00:03:08,856 Perfect. Thank you. 51 00:03:09,565 --> 00:03:11,608 And who's that for? 52 00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:12,734 Keeley. 53 00:03:12,818 --> 00:03:16,154 Let's just see what it's all about first, shall we, before bothering Keeley with it? 54 00:03:16,238 --> 00:03:17,239 Of course. 55 00:03:18,490 --> 00:03:20,742 And Coach Chilton is outside. 56 00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:22,661 She requested to have a word with you. 57 00:03:22,744 --> 00:03:24,288 Good Lord, that little ray of sunshine. 58 00:03:24,371 --> 00:03:26,081 Right. Let her in. 59 00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:38,051 Good morning, Coach Chilton. 60 00:03:38,677 --> 00:03:39,803 Based on what? 61 00:03:43,515 --> 00:03:44,766 May I sit? 62 00:03:49,354 --> 00:03:50,606 Sorry, may I sit over there? 63 00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:52,816 Thank you. 64 00:03:56,111 --> 00:04:00,490 Miss Welton, I know we haven't had much interaction over the last few months, 65 00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:02,951 but I wanted to thank you for giving me the opportunity 66 00:04:03,035 --> 00:04:04,995 to be part of Richmond's first women's team. 67 00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:07,206 You've been absolutely fantastic. Hasn't she, Leslie? 68 00:04:07,289 --> 00:04:09,625 Yes. And all under budget, may I add. 69 00:04:09,708 --> 00:04:10,792 Unlike the men's team. 70 00:04:10,876 --> 00:04:14,213 Coach Kent's alternative milk budget alone is frankly unreasonable. 71 00:04:19,510 --> 00:04:20,802 So what can I help you with? 72 00:04:20,886 --> 00:04:22,304 I'm resigning. 73 00:04:23,889 --> 00:04:26,725 When I came here to help build this team from the ground up, 74 00:04:26,808 --> 00:04:28,894 I was hoping it would lead to something bigger. 75 00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:32,940 And even though I initially agreed to stay on as assistant manager 76 00:04:33,023 --> 00:04:35,150 after being passed over, 77 00:04:35,234 --> 00:04:38,987 I've now come to realize that I have higher aspirations for myself than that. 78 00:04:39,571 --> 00:04:43,033 So I will take this week to help with the new manager's transition. 79 00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:46,245 I will prepare a list of candidates for the new assistant, 80 00:04:46,328 --> 00:04:48,080 and my last day will be Friday. 81 00:04:48,914 --> 00:04:50,999 All I ask for is a letter of recommendation. 82 00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:54,837 Of course. 83 00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:57,881 And obviously if there's anything I can help you with, 84 00:04:57,965 --> 00:04:59,633 then please don't hesitate to ask. 85 00:05:05,848 --> 00:05:09,268 Actually, yeah, I do have a question. Did you ever consider me for head coach? 86 00:05:10,602 --> 00:05:11,603 No. 87 00:05:14,606 --> 00:05:16,024 Did you consider any woman? 88 00:05:19,778 --> 00:05:20,779 No. 89 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,147 She said what? 90 00:05:55,230 --> 00:05:57,316 That I'm some woman-hating monster. 91 00:05:57,399 --> 00:05:59,401 That I'm not a feminist. 92 00:05:59,484 --> 00:06:00,903 She didn't say any of that. 93 00:06:00,986 --> 00:06:02,571 Don't be daft, Leslie. 94 00:06:02,654 --> 00:06:04,156 It was implied. 95 00:06:04,239 --> 00:06:05,699 Implication is everything! 96 00:06:05,782 --> 00:06:07,075 Thank you! 97 00:06:07,159 --> 00:06:08,785 And clearly you are a feminist 98 00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:10,621 because you just started a badass women's team... 99 00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:12,122 - Right. - And you'll do whatever it takes 100 00:06:12,206 --> 00:06:15,459 and spend whatever it takes to make sure it's successful, right? 101 00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:17,544 Exactly. 102 00:06:17,628 --> 00:06:19,796 Plus, you didn't just hire any man. 103 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:22,508 You rehired Ted fucking Lasso. 104 00:06:22,591 --> 00:06:24,676 My middle name is actually pronounced frickin'. 105 00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:26,553 - Ted! - Ted. 106 00:06:26,637 --> 00:06:28,555 Hey. Hello, sir. 107 00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:31,934 Is that what I think it is? 108 00:06:32,017 --> 00:06:33,810 Yes, ma'am. Gates barbecue. 109 00:06:34,770 --> 00:06:37,940 And a one-time special installment of Brisket with the Boss. 110 00:06:38,023 --> 00:06:40,776 Ted, you don't seriously think I can eat smoked meat 111 00:06:40,859 --> 00:06:43,195 - at nine o'clock in the morning, do you? - Actually I do. 112 00:06:43,278 --> 00:06:44,738 It's got a little fork. 113 00:06:45,822 --> 00:06:48,700 - Are Henry and Michelle all settled? - They get here next week, actually. Yeah. 114 00:06:48,784 --> 00:06:50,327 Thanks for all your help setting that up, boss. 115 00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:51,411 Anytime. 116 00:06:51,495 --> 00:06:54,122 Ted, I can't believe you're here! I'm so excited. 117 00:06:54,206 --> 00:06:55,791 Hey, you know what I'm excited about? 118 00:06:55,874 --> 00:06:58,043 Getting to meet the lady that put this sucker together. 119 00:06:58,126 --> 00:07:00,170 - Look at that. - What is that? 120 00:07:00,254 --> 00:07:02,589 It's a full dossier on all the players from the women's team. 121 00:07:02,673 --> 00:07:05,008 The attention to detail in this thing would make da Vinci blush. 122 00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:06,760 Yeah, I can't wait to work with this Coach Chilton. 123 00:07:07,636 --> 00:07:09,054 Ted, we have some bad news. 124 00:07:09,137 --> 00:07:10,264 No, we have good news. 125 00:07:10,347 --> 00:07:12,933 Coach Chilton resigned this morning. 126 00:07:13,517 --> 00:07:16,311 It's fine. You could always get Coach Beard to fill her spot. 127 00:07:16,395 --> 00:07:17,938 He's under contract with the men's team. 128 00:07:18,021 --> 00:07:20,649 And I think it'd be good to have a woman on staff, you know? 129 00:07:20,732 --> 00:07:22,109 Yeah, that's what I was thinking earlier. 130 00:07:22,192 --> 00:07:26,154 I just want to say it might be for the best that Coach Chilton is leaving. 131 00:07:26,238 --> 00:07:27,614 - Why? - Why? 132 00:07:27,698 --> 00:07:29,283 Well, she... 133 00:07:29,366 --> 00:07:32,870 - She's somewhat... - She's... 134 00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:34,329 Can be a bit... 135 00:07:34,413 --> 00:07:36,999 Who does she remind me of? 136 00:07:37,082 --> 00:07:40,085 It's a bit like... 137 00:07:40,836 --> 00:07:42,880 I don't know. 138 00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:44,423 Just say it. 139 00:07:44,923 --> 00:07:46,175 She's an absolute... 140 00:07:46,258 --> 00:07:47,634 Seaward. 141 00:07:47,718 --> 00:07:48,927 Caroline Seaward. 142 00:07:49,428 --> 00:07:51,096 Head physio for the women's team. 143 00:07:51,722 --> 00:07:53,682 But I'm not just here for the players. 144 00:07:53,765 --> 00:07:54,933 I'm here for you as well. 145 00:07:55,017 --> 00:07:57,352 - Okay. - Whatever problems you might be having 146 00:07:57,436 --> 00:08:00,397 - as a middle-aged man, I got you. - Great. 147 00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:02,941 Including bum stuff. 148 00:08:04,443 --> 00:08:06,069 Complete confidentiality. 149 00:08:09,781 --> 00:08:10,824 Oh, yeah. 150 00:08:12,534 --> 00:08:13,535 Hey. 151 00:08:13,619 --> 00:08:15,204 All right, thank you. 152 00:08:15,287 --> 00:08:16,580 Nice to meet you, Caroline. 153 00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:18,540 Yeah. Oh, yeah, you can't talk. 154 00:08:18,624 --> 00:08:19,625 No, I got the key. 155 00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:23,712 All right, I'm bored, last question. 156 00:08:23,795 --> 00:08:25,881 Roy, Roy, Roy, Roy, Roy, Roy, Roy. 157 00:08:25,964 --> 00:08:28,467 For fuck's sake, shut up. 158 00:08:30,427 --> 00:08:32,929 You. Paddington fucking Bear. 159 00:08:33,804 --> 00:08:35,307 I didn't think you'd call on me. 160 00:08:35,390 --> 00:08:38,101 Thank you. Excuse me. My question is... 161 00:09:32,406 --> 00:09:33,907 What the fuck are you doing? 162 00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:37,369 Welcome back. 163 00:09:37,452 --> 00:09:38,704 Thank you. 164 00:09:38,787 --> 00:09:39,788 How's that knee holding up? 165 00:09:39,872 --> 00:09:41,164 Oh, fine. 166 00:09:42,124 --> 00:09:44,501 Why the fuck would something we use so fucking much 167 00:09:44,585 --> 00:09:47,504 be held together by ligaments the size of rubber bands? 168 00:09:48,297 --> 00:09:49,882 I always figured God started up top, you know, 169 00:09:49,965 --> 00:09:51,758 working really hard on the brains and heart and stuff, 170 00:09:51,842 --> 00:09:54,887 but once he got past our privates, he just started phoning it in. 171 00:09:55,429 --> 00:09:56,638 It's good to see you. 172 00:09:56,722 --> 00:09:57,848 You too. 173 00:09:59,808 --> 00:10:00,809 Come on. 174 00:10:04,688 --> 00:10:06,857 Looks like y'all did a little redecorating, huh? 175 00:10:07,608 --> 00:10:08,734 This is recent. 176 00:10:08,817 --> 00:10:10,402 Beard wanted to be alone. 177 00:10:10,485 --> 00:10:12,571 Between you coming back and the whole thing with Jane, 178 00:10:12,654 --> 00:10:14,573 I think he's all fucked in the head. 179 00:10:14,656 --> 00:10:16,408 Yeah. 180 00:10:21,246 --> 00:10:23,081 What about you? How are you doing? 181 00:10:23,916 --> 00:10:25,667 - Great. - You and Keeley? 182 00:10:25,751 --> 00:10:28,045 She said y'all have become really, really good friends. 183 00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,213 Her words, not mine. 184 00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:31,215 She said really twice? 185 00:10:36,762 --> 00:10:38,096 Hey, let me ask you something. 186 00:10:38,180 --> 00:10:41,183 What's the buzz with my now former assistant coach, 187 00:10:41,266 --> 00:10:43,310 this Alice Chilton gal? 188 00:10:43,393 --> 00:10:44,478 She quit? 189 00:10:44,561 --> 00:10:47,648 Like the mighty oak tree's foliage on a breezy October day. 190 00:10:47,731 --> 00:10:50,692 Fucking hell, a simple yes would suffice. 191 00:10:50,776 --> 00:10:53,946 - Yeah. - Most people think she's rude as shit. 192 00:10:54,446 --> 00:10:55,739 I think she's hilarious. 193 00:10:56,448 --> 00:10:58,909 But she's good. That's too bad. 194 00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:03,956 So, you want Beard back then? 195 00:11:05,791 --> 00:11:07,918 No, hey, come on. That's between y'all. 196 00:11:09,711 --> 00:11:11,338 It's really good to see you, Coach. 197 00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:14,007 You too, Coach. 198 00:11:18,220 --> 00:11:20,013 Jesus fucking Christ. 199 00:11:22,766 --> 00:11:24,434 You're being very strange. 200 00:12:28,999 --> 00:12:30,626 Hey. I'm Ted Lasso. 201 00:12:30,709 --> 00:12:32,794 You must be Coach Chilton. I heard a lot about you. 202 00:12:33,378 --> 00:12:38,091 Let me guess. You heard I was rude, difficult to work with, a real bitch. 203 00:12:39,009 --> 00:12:40,344 Yeah. It's nice to meet you. 204 00:12:44,056 --> 00:12:47,476 And, hey, I want to thank you for all your work on this bad boy right here. 205 00:12:47,976 --> 00:12:49,561 Tell you what, I ain't studied something so hard 206 00:12:49,645 --> 00:12:53,106 since the liner notes of Licensed to Ill by the Beastie Boys. 207 00:12:53,190 --> 00:12:54,566 I don't know what any of that means. 208 00:12:54,650 --> 00:12:56,693 Well, then, allow me to be the first to encourage you 209 00:12:56,777 --> 00:12:58,028 to fight for your right to party. 210 00:12:58,111 --> 00:12:59,821 But until then, I look forward to working with you. 211 00:13:00,531 --> 00:13:01,698 Actually I just resigned. 212 00:13:01,782 --> 00:13:04,243 - My last day is Friday. - Right. Right, right, right. 213 00:13:04,326 --> 00:13:06,620 Well, I look forward to working with you till Friday. 214 00:13:09,248 --> 00:13:10,791 I'm gonna go say hi to the team. 215 00:13:14,837 --> 00:13:16,421 No, no, no, no. No, no. 216 00:13:16,505 --> 00:13:19,550 You can't just go in there. I've got to make sure they're decent. 217 00:13:19,633 --> 00:13:23,011 Oh, yeah. Sorry about that. 218 00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:32,771 All right. 219 00:13:38,861 --> 00:13:41,572 Boy, y'all don't have a lot of wiggle room in here, do you? 220 00:13:41,655 --> 00:13:44,908 The only space available to us was the academy locker room. 221 00:13:44,992 --> 00:13:46,618 We're just happy to be here, Coach. 222 00:13:47,786 --> 00:13:49,663 Yeah, fuck off. Yeah? Fuck off. 223 00:13:49,746 --> 00:13:51,748 Wait, wait, so hold on. Do y'all have to share this room? 224 00:13:51,832 --> 00:13:54,126 Only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. 225 00:13:54,209 --> 00:13:55,210 And every other Saturday. 226 00:13:55,294 --> 00:13:58,088 But on Tuesdays and Thursdays we get to keep our toiletries overnight. 227 00:13:58,172 --> 00:14:00,382 Okay. So there are showers? 228 00:14:00,465 --> 00:14:02,467 - There's one shower. - And one toilet. 229 00:14:02,551 --> 00:14:05,637 And a urinal, which I actually prefer to use now 'cause, you know, 230 00:14:05,721 --> 00:14:08,140 taking a piss in a slight squat, it's good for the core. 231 00:14:09,308 --> 00:14:10,684 Gotcha. 232 00:14:10,767 --> 00:14:13,228 - Okay, well, I... - Knock, knock. Hi, guys. 233 00:14:13,312 --> 00:14:15,105 Hey. 234 00:14:15,189 --> 00:14:17,065 Ted, the press are ready for you. 235 00:14:17,149 --> 00:14:19,693 Okay. Hey, real nice meeting y'all. 236 00:14:19,776 --> 00:14:21,361 And I'll see you out on the pitch, okay? 237 00:14:21,445 --> 00:14:22,863 See you. 238 00:14:23,655 --> 00:14:25,240 I'm Ted, by the way. 239 00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:27,701 Okay. 240 00:14:28,327 --> 00:14:29,620 Hey, real quick... 241 00:14:29,703 --> 00:14:31,330 The locker room, it's a little... 242 00:14:31,413 --> 00:14:33,498 - What's the word I'm looking for? - It's shit. 243 00:14:33,582 --> 00:14:35,292 Well, I do have some ideas of 244 00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:36,668 - how to make it better. - Great. 245 00:14:36,752 --> 00:14:38,962 It doesn't matter what color you paint it, it's still shit. 246 00:14:39,046 --> 00:14:41,381 Yeah, as my dad said, "You can polish a turd, 247 00:14:41,465 --> 00:14:45,010 but all you're left with is a smaller turd and a rag that smells like dookie." 248 00:14:45,093 --> 00:14:47,179 Welcome to second division women's football. 249 00:14:47,262 --> 00:14:48,680 Hey, speaking of which, you know, 250 00:14:48,764 --> 00:14:50,849 Coach here knows a lot more about this team than I do. 251 00:14:50,933 --> 00:14:52,559 Maybe she could come do the press conference with me. 252 00:14:52,643 --> 00:14:55,020 No. No, my last day is Friday. 253 00:14:55,103 --> 00:14:57,022 I don't think it'll last that long. 254 00:15:04,863 --> 00:15:06,657 - She's a hoot. Yeah. - Yeah. 255 00:15:13,455 --> 00:15:14,456 Great. 256 00:15:14,540 --> 00:15:15,749 Hi, guys! 257 00:15:15,832 --> 00:15:18,085 So, I just wanted to say something quickly. 258 00:15:18,168 --> 00:15:19,795 I'm just gonna say something if that's all right. 259 00:15:19,878 --> 00:15:21,797 - Of course. - Just a few words, okay? 260 00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:25,050 Good morning, everyone. Welcome, welcome. 261 00:15:25,133 --> 00:15:26,718 So just quickly, 262 00:15:26,802 --> 00:15:30,013 I just wanted to say how honored I am to have founded 263 00:15:30,097 --> 00:15:34,309 the first ever women's team here at AFC Richmond. 264 00:15:36,019 --> 00:15:39,231 Yes, because it is long overdue, 265 00:15:39,314 --> 00:15:44,862 as I believe women are just as capable and compelling as men, 266 00:15:44,945 --> 00:15:49,241 not just in sport, but in every way, including coaching. 267 00:15:51,785 --> 00:15:58,542 And I will always show all of my support to all women in all times, 268 00:15:58,625 --> 00:16:01,753 in all ways, again. 269 00:16:01,837 --> 00:16:03,839 - Yes? - Does that include Ghislaine Maxwell? 270 00:16:03,922 --> 00:16:05,591 Not her, of course. 271 00:16:05,674 --> 00:16:06,967 What about Eva Braun? 272 00:16:07,050 --> 00:16:08,218 Well, obviously not. 273 00:16:08,302 --> 00:16:10,179 - Cruella de Vil? - Come on, she's not even real. 274 00:16:10,262 --> 00:16:11,263 Let's keep it... You know? 275 00:16:11,346 --> 00:16:13,265 So thank you so much. 276 00:16:13,348 --> 00:16:18,020 The future is... female! 277 00:16:18,103 --> 00:16:23,525 So without further ado, please welcome the manager of our women's team, 278 00:16:23,609 --> 00:16:26,695 who just happens to be a man, Ted Lasso. 279 00:16:26,778 --> 00:16:28,697 Yes. 280 00:16:29,865 --> 00:16:31,950 Yeah. Okay. Okay. 281 00:16:32,826 --> 00:16:34,870 Howdy, folks. Great to be back. 282 00:16:34,953 --> 00:16:37,789 Well, I'm not sure if you have any questions for me, but I'd be... 283 00:16:37,873 --> 00:16:39,791 Okay. Yeah, love the enthusiasm. 284 00:16:39,875 --> 00:16:42,169 Yeah. Hey, Marcus. Why don't you go and kick us off? 285 00:16:42,252 --> 00:16:43,921 - Coach, welcome back. - Thank you. 286 00:16:44,004 --> 00:16:46,673 What are your thoughts on the season opener against Liverpool this weekend? 287 00:16:46,757 --> 00:16:48,133 - The men's opener? - Yeah. 288 00:16:48,217 --> 00:16:50,886 Well, I mean, Liverpool is always tough, you know? 289 00:16:50,969 --> 00:16:53,931 And I gotta assume that Coach Kent has got the fellas ready to rock. 290 00:16:54,014 --> 00:16:55,516 Yeah, hey, Gary. 291 00:16:55,599 --> 00:16:58,519 Yeah, do you think the Greyhounds will get back in the Champions League this season? 292 00:16:58,602 --> 00:17:00,771 - The men's team? - Yeah. 293 00:17:00,854 --> 00:17:03,607 Well, I mean, any opportunity is a good opportunity in sports, 294 00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:07,236 but truth be told, I'm not really all up to speed on the men's side of things 295 00:17:07,319 --> 00:17:08,444 as the bulk of my preparation 296 00:17:08,529 --> 00:17:11,031 has been all about the lady Greyhounds here at AFC Richmond. 297 00:17:11,114 --> 00:17:12,616 All right, let's see. Who else? 298 00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:13,700 Hey. New guy. 299 00:17:13,784 --> 00:17:14,785 Hey, I love your hat. 300 00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:15,868 Thank you. 301 00:17:15,953 --> 00:17:17,871 What are your thoughts on Jamie Tartt leaving Richmond 302 00:17:17,954 --> 00:17:19,455 to play at Barcelona this season? 303 00:17:19,540 --> 00:17:20,540 Are you fucking... 304 00:17:20,624 --> 00:17:22,376 Yeah, I mean, never easy to say goodbye to a player, 305 00:17:22,459 --> 00:17:24,502 but I think he's gonna do bueno. Yeah? 306 00:17:24,586 --> 00:17:27,422 I'd love to answer some questions about the women's team, if y'all got any. 307 00:17:27,506 --> 00:17:28,674 Yeah, Sarah, what do you got? 308 00:17:28,757 --> 00:17:29,758 Hey, Ted. 309 00:17:29,842 --> 00:17:32,261 - My question is about player salaries. - Great. 310 00:17:32,344 --> 00:17:33,637 Do you think the men are underpaid? 311 00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:34,888 Oh, boy. 312 00:17:42,229 --> 00:17:43,814 Ted's doing his presser. 313 00:17:44,940 --> 00:17:46,650 You don't wanna go watch your boyfriend? 314 00:17:50,863 --> 00:17:51,864 Okay. 315 00:18:14,178 --> 00:18:15,804 Who says you can't go home again? 316 00:18:16,305 --> 00:18:17,389 I don't like riddles. 317 00:18:18,307 --> 00:18:19,391 Oh, no, it was a... 318 00:18:19,474 --> 00:18:20,976 Doesn't matter. 319 00:18:21,059 --> 00:18:22,561 Okay, let's see what we got, huh? 320 00:18:22,644 --> 00:18:24,938 I'm here if you need. Here if you need. 321 00:18:25,564 --> 00:18:26,565 Here if you need. 322 00:18:29,985 --> 00:18:31,361 That was a nice turn. Who's she? 323 00:18:31,445 --> 00:18:32,446 That's Josie Gordon. 324 00:18:32,529 --> 00:18:34,948 She played striker at Watford last season. 325 00:18:35,032 --> 00:18:36,491 Led them in goals, progressive passes, 326 00:18:36,575 --> 00:18:39,703 and her expected goal rate per game was.78. 327 00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:40,913 All from your dossier. 328 00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:43,332 I'm actually impressed. 329 00:18:43,415 --> 00:18:44,499 Come on now. 330 00:18:44,583 --> 00:18:46,418 You wrote the tune. I'm just singing it. 331 00:18:48,504 --> 00:18:50,589 That's mine! That's mine! 332 00:18:56,637 --> 00:18:58,388 Those must be the sisters you mentioned. 333 00:19:01,975 --> 00:19:02,976 Or not. 334 00:19:03,060 --> 00:19:04,478 That's Mady and Margy. 335 00:19:04,561 --> 00:19:06,939 They've been a couple since training camp. 336 00:19:07,022 --> 00:19:09,858 Yeah, you don't get a lot of that in men's football. 337 00:19:09,942 --> 00:19:11,443 Not that you know of. 338 00:19:17,366 --> 00:19:19,368 You're a real fucking dickhead. You know that? 339 00:19:19,451 --> 00:19:20,994 Rather be a dickhead than a turnip. 340 00:19:21,078 --> 00:19:23,539 I'm not a turnip. You're a turnip. 341 00:19:23,622 --> 00:19:24,831 Those are the sisters. 342 00:19:24,915 --> 00:19:27,251 Twins, actually. Niamh and Siobhan. 343 00:19:27,334 --> 00:19:28,919 Our left and right center-back defenders. 344 00:19:29,002 --> 00:19:31,046 You just said I was a dickhead. Now I'm a turnip. 345 00:19:31,129 --> 00:19:34,007 - Which one is it, you fucking twat? - Yeah, good one, big man. Clown. 346 00:19:34,091 --> 00:19:35,551 You... 347 00:19:35,634 --> 00:19:37,135 - Pig. - Fuck off! 348 00:19:37,219 --> 00:19:40,347 Well, I see what you meant when you said that what they lack in athleticism, 349 00:19:40,430 --> 00:19:41,640 they make up for in aggressiveness. 350 00:19:41,723 --> 00:19:43,517 - You can take her, Siobhan! - Exactly. 351 00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:46,228 - Get off! - Stop touching me, weirdo. 352 00:19:46,311 --> 00:19:47,312 Fuck you. 353 00:19:47,396 --> 00:19:49,523 Come on. Leave it, girls. 354 00:19:49,606 --> 00:19:51,567 Run! No time. No time. Run! 355 00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:54,903 Heck of a save there. 356 00:19:55,404 --> 00:19:56,905 That's gotta be Katie Quinn, yeah? 357 00:19:56,989 --> 00:19:58,782 Correct, but everyone calls her Boots. 358 00:19:59,449 --> 00:20:00,659 That wasn't in the dossier. 359 00:20:00,742 --> 00:20:01,743 Why would it be? 360 00:20:03,537 --> 00:20:05,914 - Boring! - Her stats are off the charts. 361 00:20:05,998 --> 00:20:08,000 Yeah, but none of the big clubs will touch her. 362 00:20:08,083 --> 00:20:09,418 Why is that? 363 00:20:09,501 --> 00:20:10,502 She won't wear gloves. 364 00:20:10,586 --> 00:20:12,754 Interesting. I wonder what the story is there, huh? 365 00:20:12,838 --> 00:20:14,464 Don't know. She's a goalie, isn't she? 366 00:20:14,548 --> 00:20:15,549 They're all batshit. 367 00:20:17,509 --> 00:20:18,760 Come on! 368 00:20:18,844 --> 00:20:21,555 Yes, any book by bell hooks. 369 00:20:23,056 --> 00:20:25,475 Wonderful. Would you be able to hold 'em for me? 370 00:20:26,351 --> 00:20:27,769 No, I don't want to use Amazon. 371 00:20:27,853 --> 00:20:29,354 What kind of business model is this? 372 00:20:29,438 --> 00:20:30,856 Look, I will be there in 20 minutes. 373 00:20:30,939 --> 00:20:32,149 Thank you so much. Bye-bye. 374 00:20:32,649 --> 00:20:33,650 Christ. 375 00:20:34,318 --> 00:20:35,986 Hello, Rebecca. 376 00:20:38,572 --> 00:20:39,948 Right. You know, Roy, 377 00:20:40,032 --> 00:20:42,743 now that Ted's back, you really don't have to do this. 378 00:20:42,826 --> 00:20:44,036 I don't mind. 379 00:20:44,119 --> 00:20:45,871 I'm excited about this new recipe. 380 00:20:46,747 --> 00:20:48,332 Better for your macros. 381 00:20:48,415 --> 00:20:50,667 No sugar. High protein. 382 00:20:50,751 --> 00:20:54,421 And instead of using butter, I used beef tallow. 383 00:20:54,963 --> 00:20:56,423 Wow. 384 00:20:56,507 --> 00:21:02,137 Who knew a biscuit could be so healthy and so heavy? 385 00:21:02,221 --> 00:21:03,222 Thank you. 386 00:21:03,305 --> 00:21:06,808 Roy, what's your definition of a feminist? 387 00:21:06,892 --> 00:21:08,310 I know this joke. 388 00:21:08,393 --> 00:21:10,521 - Two lesbians... - Rebecca, I need to... 389 00:21:11,063 --> 00:21:12,272 Hi, Roy. 390 00:21:12,356 --> 00:21:13,524 Keeley. 391 00:21:14,191 --> 00:21:17,611 Rebecca, I need £300,000 to build a new locker room for the women's team, please. 392 00:21:17,694 --> 00:21:18,654 Fuck no. 393 00:21:20,113 --> 00:21:21,740 Even though I support women, 394 00:21:21,823 --> 00:21:24,785 and I believe they can be anything they set their minds to, 395 00:21:25,327 --> 00:21:27,287 a new locker room is not in the budget. 396 00:21:27,871 --> 00:21:29,623 But a budget isn't a real thing. 397 00:21:29,706 --> 00:21:32,125 - It's just a made-up number. - Exactly. 398 00:21:32,209 --> 00:21:34,878 It absolutely is a real thing. 399 00:21:34,962 --> 00:21:36,380 That someone made up. 400 00:21:37,422 --> 00:21:38,632 Fine, then. 401 00:21:38,715 --> 00:21:40,592 - I want the men's locker room. - Fuck no! 402 00:21:41,468 --> 00:21:42,928 Well, if no one's gonna budge, 403 00:21:43,011 --> 00:21:45,597 then I'm just gonna have to go ahead and take the visitors' locker room. 404 00:21:45,681 --> 00:21:47,224 - Fine by me. - I don't fucking care. 405 00:21:47,307 --> 00:21:48,517 Fantastic! 406 00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:52,104 Now, if you'll both excuse me, I need to go and pick up some books 407 00:21:52,187 --> 00:21:55,357 from a shop that hopefully won't be out of business by the time I get there. 408 00:21:56,191 --> 00:21:57,526 - Well done. - Why? 409 00:21:58,068 --> 00:22:00,112 The old "bait and switch" on the locker rooms, 410 00:22:00,195 --> 00:22:01,864 that was always your plan, wasn't it? 411 00:22:01,947 --> 00:22:03,782 Maybe. 412 00:22:05,868 --> 00:22:07,536 - Hey, Ted. - Hey, fellas. 413 00:22:07,619 --> 00:22:11,373 - Can't believe you're back. - Yeah, but coaching a women's team. 414 00:22:11,456 --> 00:22:14,001 - How are the girls? Slow? - Boring? 415 00:22:14,084 --> 00:22:15,335 Has their cycle synced yet? 416 00:22:15,419 --> 00:22:16,628 Isn't nature amazing? 417 00:22:16,712 --> 00:22:19,673 All right now, you three, give the man some space. 418 00:22:20,215 --> 00:22:21,466 All right now. 419 00:22:22,134 --> 00:22:23,302 What's this? 420 00:22:23,385 --> 00:22:25,596 From Mr. Gladstone. 421 00:22:25,679 --> 00:22:27,431 Who? 422 00:22:32,186 --> 00:22:33,395 Right. 423 00:22:46,617 --> 00:22:48,368 You get some new sunglasses? 424 00:22:48,452 --> 00:22:50,579 No, I don't want people to see us together, 425 00:22:50,662 --> 00:22:52,331 so I'm in disguise. 426 00:22:53,415 --> 00:22:55,292 It's good. Yeah. 427 00:22:57,044 --> 00:22:58,837 Would be nice to see your eyes though, you know. 428 00:23:12,184 --> 00:23:13,268 How was your first day? 429 00:23:13,852 --> 00:23:16,188 For a sport that asks you to be light on your feet, 430 00:23:16,271 --> 00:23:18,524 women's football sure does seem to have a lot of weight around it. 431 00:23:19,274 --> 00:23:21,443 Lack of resources. Underwhelming media coverage. 432 00:23:21,527 --> 00:23:22,611 Subpar pay. 433 00:23:22,694 --> 00:23:24,363 It's a tougher gig all around. 434 00:23:24,446 --> 00:23:26,823 Only people in it are truly in it for the love of the game. 435 00:23:26,907 --> 00:23:29,243 Kinda like coaching college kids again then, yeah? 436 00:23:29,326 --> 00:23:31,828 Not really. Those guys get paid more. 437 00:23:31,912 --> 00:23:32,996 Yeah. 438 00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:36,667 So, how's Alice? 439 00:23:37,459 --> 00:23:39,545 Coach Chilton? Yeah, she's good. 440 00:23:39,628 --> 00:23:41,129 Good. Good, good, good. 441 00:23:41,213 --> 00:23:44,716 I mean, she can be kinda... 442 00:23:45,759 --> 00:23:48,554 She is kinda... 443 00:23:49,137 --> 00:23:51,098 But you can be kinda... 444 00:24:02,734 --> 00:24:04,903 You know I can't ask you to leave him. 445 00:24:05,487 --> 00:24:06,488 No. 446 00:24:06,989 --> 00:24:07,990 I know. 447 00:24:08,782 --> 00:24:09,867 I'm with Roy now. 448 00:24:13,161 --> 00:24:14,413 And he's very good to me. 449 00:24:16,582 --> 00:24:17,958 I'm happy to hear that. 450 00:24:20,502 --> 00:24:23,839 And I mean, come on, this doesn't have to be weird, you know? 451 00:24:23,922 --> 00:24:25,549 We can still hang out. 452 00:24:26,925 --> 00:24:28,177 I'd like that. 453 00:24:29,928 --> 00:24:31,805 You wanna talk about what happened with you and Jane? 454 00:24:31,889 --> 00:24:33,223 I gotta go. 455 00:24:38,478 --> 00:24:40,772 Good morning and happy Tuesday. 456 00:24:40,856 --> 00:24:45,068 On today's show, we're turning our studio into a taco fiesta. Yummy. 457 00:24:45,152 --> 00:24:48,071 And we'll be joined by eight-year-old prodigy, Poppy Thompson, 458 00:24:48,155 --> 00:24:52,326 who will share with us what's being called definitive proof that God doesn't exist. 459 00:24:52,409 --> 00:24:54,578 Leslie. 460 00:24:54,661 --> 00:24:56,705 Good news. I am a feminist. 461 00:24:56,788 --> 00:24:58,373 - Good. - Listen to this. 462 00:24:58,457 --> 00:25:02,586 "To understand feminism, it implies one has to necessarily understand sexism." 463 00:25:02,669 --> 00:25:04,838 Yeah. 464 00:25:05,339 --> 00:25:06,548 Have you not finished that yet? 465 00:25:08,675 --> 00:25:12,054 Do you ever fall asleep when you're reading, wake up, 466 00:25:12,137 --> 00:25:15,098 and you've lost your place and you have to start a chapter again? 467 00:25:15,933 --> 00:25:17,017 No. 468 00:25:52,469 --> 00:25:53,929 Stay tight! Stay tight! 469 00:25:54,012 --> 00:25:57,766 No shots. No shots. Give... Boots! 470 00:25:57,850 --> 00:26:00,477 Yeah. So what all we know about Boots? 471 00:26:00,561 --> 00:26:02,855 - It's in the dossier. - No, I know. 472 00:26:02,938 --> 00:26:04,857 The stats are great, but I mean, what's her story? 473 00:26:05,399 --> 00:26:06,525 Her story? 474 00:26:06,608 --> 00:26:08,443 Yeah, 'cause most athletes I know 475 00:26:08,527 --> 00:26:10,529 are always looking for every single little advantage. 476 00:26:10,612 --> 00:26:12,739 So, you know, you got a goalkeeper not using gloves. 477 00:26:12,823 --> 00:26:15,242 That's a lot like a gravedigger using a spoon 478 00:26:15,325 --> 00:26:17,160 or a cereal enthusiast using a shovel. 479 00:26:17,244 --> 00:26:18,620 Neither one's effective. 480 00:26:19,162 --> 00:26:23,417 So, what? You're after her origin story, like Batman? 481 00:26:23,500 --> 00:26:24,793 You like Batman, huh? 482 00:26:24,877 --> 00:26:26,461 No, he's a fascist. 483 00:26:26,545 --> 00:26:29,006 I just know that every middle-aged man is obsessed with Batman. 484 00:26:29,089 --> 00:26:31,508 Yeah, that's true. Probably 'cause of all the wearable tech. 485 00:26:31,592 --> 00:26:33,093 I got to get to the bottom of this. 486 00:26:33,594 --> 00:26:36,388 All right, you just interrupt training to go do that. 487 00:26:37,306 --> 00:26:38,307 Hey, Boots. 488 00:26:39,266 --> 00:26:41,185 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 489 00:26:41,268 --> 00:26:42,561 Hey, so what's going on? 490 00:26:42,644 --> 00:26:43,729 You ain't ever wear gloves? 491 00:26:43,812 --> 00:26:46,315 Well, I didn't as a kid, but then the academy made me wear them. 492 00:26:46,398 --> 00:26:48,483 Uh-huh. And what? Made things worse? 493 00:26:48,567 --> 00:26:49,610 No, it worked. 494 00:26:49,693 --> 00:26:51,570 It just felt like someone else was making the saves. 495 00:26:51,653 --> 00:26:53,989 You know, I couldn't feel the ball anymore. 496 00:26:54,072 --> 00:26:56,074 I get that. Yeah, but don't it sting? 497 00:26:56,158 --> 00:26:58,994 Fuck yeah. But the sting is everything, isn't it? 498 00:26:59,703 --> 00:27:01,538 What's the point in life if you're not feeling it all? 499 00:27:02,539 --> 00:27:03,999 No, I'm no masochist, Coach, 500 00:27:04,082 --> 00:27:06,543 but when I go to the dentist, no novocaine. 501 00:27:07,544 --> 00:27:10,380 I don't drink. I don't use oven mitts. 502 00:27:10,464 --> 00:27:13,050 You know, if someone offers me earplugs at a concert, 503 00:27:13,133 --> 00:27:15,427 I pop them right in my mouth and eat them like candy. 504 00:27:15,511 --> 00:27:17,304 You could just put them in your pocket. 505 00:27:18,805 --> 00:27:19,806 Let me ask you, 506 00:27:20,641 --> 00:27:22,935 do you prefer with a condom or without? 507 00:27:30,817 --> 00:27:32,361 Well, I'ma go back. 508 00:27:32,444 --> 00:27:33,445 Okay. 509 00:27:38,575 --> 00:27:41,328 So, what's her story? 510 00:27:41,411 --> 00:27:43,288 You were right. Goalies are nuts. 511 00:27:45,499 --> 00:27:46,500 Oh, yeah. 512 00:28:09,314 --> 00:28:11,441 - Hi. - It's gonna keep doing that. 513 00:28:12,109 --> 00:28:14,278 I thought I was going mad. 514 00:28:14,361 --> 00:28:15,946 That's the point. 515 00:28:16,029 --> 00:28:18,532 All of these benches have one side shorter than the other. 516 00:28:18,615 --> 00:28:20,200 Why would you do that? 517 00:28:20,284 --> 00:28:21,535 I booby-trapped it. 518 00:28:21,618 --> 00:28:24,454 Loads of teams do it to fuck with visiting teams' heads. 519 00:28:24,538 --> 00:28:27,040 Higher hooks make the players feel shorter, 520 00:28:27,124 --> 00:28:29,126 hotter temperatures make them sleepy. 521 00:28:29,668 --> 00:28:32,671 It's a respectable, long-standing tradition in football. 522 00:28:34,506 --> 00:28:36,133 But that shit's child's play. 523 00:28:36,216 --> 00:28:38,844 I wanna make the visitors feel like they're fucking hallucinating. 524 00:28:49,062 --> 00:28:50,355 It's a rat! Rat! 525 00:28:51,356 --> 00:28:52,733 That's Jonathan. 526 00:28:52,816 --> 00:28:54,985 He's trained to run back and forth when the lights are on. 527 00:28:56,820 --> 00:28:58,113 Did you train a rat? 528 00:28:59,156 --> 00:29:00,199 I didn't. 529 00:29:00,282 --> 00:29:01,325 He was the understudy rat 530 00:29:01,408 --> 00:29:05,120 in that fucking endless Harry Potter play I had to sit through with Phoebe. 531 00:29:14,630 --> 00:29:16,507 This is in the way. 532 00:29:16,590 --> 00:29:17,591 It's a problem for me 533 00:29:17,674 --> 00:29:22,554 because I would really like Ted to be able to address all the players on a match day, 534 00:29:22,638 --> 00:29:24,515 and this is very much in the way. 535 00:29:25,182 --> 00:29:26,266 - Yeah. - Yeah. 536 00:29:26,350 --> 00:29:27,726 That's why I put it there. 537 00:29:38,195 --> 00:29:39,196 Catch. 538 00:29:43,742 --> 00:29:45,577 You know, you didn't have to do this. 539 00:29:45,661 --> 00:29:47,246 You could have sent the kit man or something. 540 00:29:48,330 --> 00:29:49,331 No. 541 00:29:50,374 --> 00:29:52,167 No one can know my secrets. 542 00:29:56,255 --> 00:29:58,382 That was pathetic. Run it again. 543 00:29:58,465 --> 00:30:00,050 And please try to look alive, Siobhan. 544 00:30:00,634 --> 00:30:02,845 Nice fucking try, you soggy biscuit. 545 00:30:02,928 --> 00:30:04,346 How did you know she was there? 546 00:30:06,431 --> 00:30:08,725 Which one of the twins do you think was born first? 547 00:30:08,809 --> 00:30:09,810 Who cares? 548 00:30:09,893 --> 00:30:11,436 Well, in my experience, twins do. 549 00:30:12,020 --> 00:30:14,857 I went to middle school with these two fellas, Hank and Howie Rassmussen. 550 00:30:14,940 --> 00:30:17,609 Identical as all hell except for their temperaments. 551 00:30:17,693 --> 00:30:19,278 See, Howie had this big old chip on his shoulder 552 00:30:19,361 --> 00:30:21,321 'cause Hank was born like 20 minutes before him. 553 00:30:21,405 --> 00:30:24,408 So growing up, anything that Hank did, Howie had to do it better. 554 00:30:24,491 --> 00:30:25,742 Whatever this is, I don't like it. 555 00:30:25,826 --> 00:30:28,912 I'm talking school, ping-pong, skipping stones, whatever it was, 556 00:30:28,996 --> 00:30:30,831 Howie was always a step ahead. 557 00:30:30,914 --> 00:30:34,459 Kept on through their entire lives, all the way through Hank becoming a doctor 558 00:30:34,543 --> 00:30:38,046 to Howie going to prison for burning down his twin brother's abortion clinic. 559 00:30:38,130 --> 00:30:39,923 - What is your point? - I think Siobhan's older. 560 00:30:40,007 --> 00:30:42,676 Well, their stories are irrelevant to their play on the pitch. 561 00:30:42,759 --> 00:30:43,760 Yeah, maybe. 562 00:30:43,844 --> 00:30:45,762 I just like figuring out what makes folks tick. 563 00:30:45,846 --> 00:30:47,264 Hey, what about you? You got any siblings? 564 00:30:47,347 --> 00:30:49,516 Oh, my God, enough. Listen, I am only here for three more days. 565 00:30:49,600 --> 00:30:51,977 I do not need to do... 566 00:30:54,897 --> 00:30:57,232 Fucking hell! 567 00:30:57,316 --> 00:30:59,109 Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! 568 00:30:59,193 --> 00:31:00,402 - Fucking hell! - Right. Lie back. 569 00:31:00,485 --> 00:31:03,113 - Okay, Josie? Hey. Josie. - My knee! It's not all right. 570 00:31:03,197 --> 00:31:05,157 - It's all right. You'll be all right. - It's fucked! 571 00:31:05,240 --> 00:31:07,451 - I got you. Josie, I got you. Hold tight. - My knee is fucked! 572 00:31:07,534 --> 00:31:08,952 - It's gonna be fine. - It's over. It's over. 573 00:31:09,036 --> 00:31:10,621 Just breathe. Can we get the basket over here? 574 00:31:10,704 --> 00:31:12,664 You'll be all right. Look at me. 575 00:31:12,748 --> 00:31:14,416 - You are gonna play. I promise you. - No, I can't. 576 00:31:14,499 --> 00:31:16,376 - It's fucking gone. - Try not to move. All right? 577 00:31:16,460 --> 00:31:17,753 Basket's nearly here, all right? 578 00:31:17,836 --> 00:31:20,297 - We're gonna get you into it. - I'm gonna go with her to the hospital, 579 00:31:20,380 --> 00:31:22,341 - if that's okay? - Yeah, no, of course, yeah. 580 00:31:22,424 --> 00:31:24,051 It's all right, mate. 581 00:31:24,134 --> 00:31:25,802 - You're gonna be fine. I'm here. - Okay. 582 00:31:25,886 --> 00:31:28,347 We're in this together, yeah? I'm here with you. 583 00:31:29,223 --> 00:31:31,141 Okay, I took the gum out of the showerheads 584 00:31:31,225 --> 00:31:33,852 and I fixed the fuses so the lights won't flicker anymore. 585 00:31:33,936 --> 00:31:35,479 Just gotta get rid of this. 586 00:31:35,562 --> 00:31:37,648 - That's it then? - No, not quite. 587 00:31:45,822 --> 00:31:46,823 Thank you, Roy. 588 00:31:46,907 --> 00:31:48,075 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 589 00:31:51,161 --> 00:31:52,204 Hey. 590 00:31:54,122 --> 00:31:56,083 - Can I ask you something? - Yeah. 591 00:31:59,586 --> 00:32:04,591 I'm afraid that I'm losing someone. 592 00:32:06,426 --> 00:32:12,182 I thought we had something, but their heart is with another. 593 00:32:13,642 --> 00:32:14,768 - Beard? - Yep. 594 00:32:17,688 --> 00:32:18,856 What would you do? 595 00:32:20,607 --> 00:32:24,111 I think keeping two people apart who belong together is bad. 596 00:32:24,194 --> 00:32:26,113 Not just for them, but for everybody. 597 00:32:36,707 --> 00:32:39,585 You know this is the first time we've been alone together in three years. 598 00:32:45,257 --> 00:32:46,925 We are not alone. 599 00:32:55,017 --> 00:32:56,226 Thanks again, Roy. 600 00:33:01,273 --> 00:33:04,651 I read an amazing Eleanor Roosevelt quote this morning, Higgins. 601 00:33:04,735 --> 00:33:09,406 "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." 602 00:33:09,489 --> 00:33:11,617 That's beautiful, Rebecca. 603 00:33:11,700 --> 00:33:13,285 Well, I didn't come up with it. I just read it. 604 00:33:21,752 --> 00:33:22,920 You all right? 605 00:33:23,003 --> 00:33:24,171 Yeah. Yeah. 606 00:33:31,637 --> 00:33:33,096 What was that quote, Rebecca? 607 00:33:33,180 --> 00:33:34,264 Shut up, Leslie. 608 00:33:35,140 --> 00:33:37,100 Make sure that woman finds her replacement. 609 00:33:37,184 --> 00:33:38,477 And finish that report. 610 00:33:47,694 --> 00:33:48,695 Why are you still here? 611 00:33:48,779 --> 00:33:51,323 Well, I just wanted an update on how Josie's doing. 612 00:33:52,950 --> 00:33:54,159 She tore her ACL. 613 00:33:55,786 --> 00:33:57,621 - Poor kid. - I've seen my fair share. 614 00:33:58,330 --> 00:34:00,123 It's devastating, every time. 615 00:34:01,500 --> 00:34:03,085 She'll be out for the season. 616 00:34:07,714 --> 00:34:10,551 Well, hey, I appreciate you looking after her like that. 617 00:34:14,012 --> 00:34:15,013 All right, now. 618 00:34:18,141 --> 00:34:19,935 She was our starting striker, you know. 619 00:34:23,313 --> 00:34:25,107 You said "our." 620 00:34:26,733 --> 00:34:27,900 I'm just messing with you. 621 00:34:29,152 --> 00:34:30,571 Your last day is Friday, I know. 622 00:34:31,405 --> 00:34:32,822 See you in the morning, Coach. 623 00:34:47,462 --> 00:34:49,464 Good morning, and happy Friday. 624 00:34:49,547 --> 00:34:51,300 We made it through another week. 625 00:34:51,382 --> 00:34:54,844 On today's show, do you ever wish your weekend could last forever? 626 00:34:54,928 --> 00:34:58,390 Well, one man tried that using AI, and now he's dead. 627 00:35:00,100 --> 00:35:01,685 There's nothing I can eat here. 628 00:35:01,768 --> 00:35:03,061 Mother, what are you talking about? 629 00:35:03,145 --> 00:35:04,813 We've eaten here a million times. 630 00:35:04,897 --> 00:35:06,857 Yes, but I'm thinking of becoming a vegan. 631 00:35:07,733 --> 00:35:08,901 Or Jewish. 632 00:35:09,568 --> 00:35:12,154 And all I know is that I want to eat less cheese. 633 00:35:13,614 --> 00:35:14,823 Mother, am I a feminist? 634 00:35:16,283 --> 00:35:17,284 I hope not. 635 00:35:17,367 --> 00:35:19,119 I raised you better than that. 636 00:35:19,203 --> 00:35:20,204 Why? 637 00:35:20,287 --> 00:35:23,248 Some woman at work accused me of not being supportive of women. 638 00:35:23,332 --> 00:35:25,834 That just reeks of jealousy. 639 00:35:25,918 --> 00:35:27,586 It's very unattractive. 640 00:35:27,669 --> 00:35:28,670 Hello. 641 00:35:28,754 --> 00:35:32,299 I'd like something that tastes of cheese, but isn't cheese. 642 00:35:33,217 --> 00:35:35,594 Mother, why don't you just eat less cheese? 643 00:35:35,677 --> 00:35:38,514 I don't want to do some fad diet. 644 00:35:38,597 --> 00:35:40,682 I want to do this for a higher purpose. 645 00:35:42,017 --> 00:35:43,644 We're gonna need another minute. 646 00:35:44,436 --> 00:35:47,356 You know what, why don't you just fire this jealous hag? 647 00:35:47,439 --> 00:35:48,941 No, I'm not gonna do that. 648 00:35:49,024 --> 00:35:51,151 Besides, she already quit. Today's her last day. 649 00:35:51,235 --> 00:35:54,571 Well, if I have any advice to give you, it's that women are monsters. 650 00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:58,367 Men showed us the way, and we perfected the model. 651 00:35:59,326 --> 00:36:01,745 You know that's not far off a bell hooks quote. 652 00:36:01,828 --> 00:36:03,455 Careful, Mother, you might be a feminist. 653 00:36:03,539 --> 00:36:05,207 Don't say that. 654 00:36:05,707 --> 00:36:07,668 You'll ruin my appetite. 655 00:36:18,470 --> 00:36:20,097 I think we should call it. 656 00:36:22,975 --> 00:36:24,685 All right, ladies, great first week. 657 00:36:24,768 --> 00:36:26,144 I'll see you all on Monday. 658 00:36:30,816 --> 00:36:31,817 Actually, hold on. 659 00:36:31,900 --> 00:36:33,360 Let's go this way. 660 00:36:35,612 --> 00:36:36,613 Come on. 661 00:36:45,914 --> 00:36:47,541 Right this way. 662 00:36:47,624 --> 00:36:50,210 Lady Greyhounds, your new digs. 663 00:36:53,797 --> 00:36:56,091 Yes! 664 00:36:56,175 --> 00:36:58,343 These lockers are fucking class! 665 00:37:04,641 --> 00:37:06,643 Yours already smells like arse. 666 00:37:06,727 --> 00:37:10,397 Well, luckily you won't be able to smell it after I take a shit in yours. 667 00:37:10,480 --> 00:37:12,316 Oh, my God. Unlimited tampons. 668 00:37:13,817 --> 00:37:16,069 - Banging. - Fuck, yeah! Free tampons. 669 00:37:32,294 --> 00:37:33,670 Am I allowed to drill holes in that? 670 00:37:33,754 --> 00:37:35,464 Oh, yeah, do whatever you want. 671 00:37:36,465 --> 00:37:39,718 Hey, no more having to move your stuff in and out either. All right? 672 00:37:39,801 --> 00:37:42,137 And this is all courtesy of one Miss Keeley Jones. 673 00:37:42,221 --> 00:37:45,015 So next time you see her in the hallway, make sure you give her a high five, yeah. 674 00:37:51,480 --> 00:37:53,065 Wanna see the new coach's office? 675 00:38:00,864 --> 00:38:02,699 There's eight fucking showers in here. 676 00:38:15,921 --> 00:38:16,922 Hey. 677 00:38:17,005 --> 00:38:18,465 You're being released. 678 00:38:18,549 --> 00:38:19,925 Why? 679 00:38:20,008 --> 00:38:23,011 You've violated the AFC Richmond bylaws. 680 00:38:23,095 --> 00:38:24,179 What section? 681 00:38:24,972 --> 00:38:30,018 Comportment and manners, section 6, subsection B, which reads... 682 00:38:30,102 --> 00:38:31,937 "In the confines of match regulated gameplay, 683 00:38:32,020 --> 00:38:35,524 all coaching staff must respect the judgment of referees and officials 684 00:38:35,607 --> 00:38:38,777 and refrain from derogatory comments and insinuations"? 685 00:38:40,028 --> 00:38:44,783 You once said under your breath to an official at Villa Park, "Wrong call." 686 00:38:44,867 --> 00:38:47,744 After you called him a stupid bloody fucking wanking knob. 687 00:38:47,828 --> 00:38:48,829 So you remember. 688 00:38:48,912 --> 00:38:51,039 Whose head you were going to rip off his body... 689 00:38:51,123 --> 00:38:56,253 - What you did was a serious offense... - and then use his skull as a toilet. 690 00:38:56,336 --> 00:38:58,380 Against the Richmond men's team. 691 00:38:59,965 --> 00:39:02,676 Other Richmond teams may have different policies. 692 00:39:03,719 --> 00:39:04,970 You're right. 693 00:39:05,053 --> 00:39:06,346 I was out of line. 694 00:39:11,894 --> 00:39:13,896 Hi, ladies, thanks for coming. I'll be right with you. 695 00:39:17,649 --> 00:39:19,985 Here are the candidates' résumés. 696 00:39:20,068 --> 00:39:21,737 Great. Thank you for doing that. 697 00:39:21,820 --> 00:39:24,198 And actually, you know what, I got a little something for you. 698 00:39:25,282 --> 00:39:26,283 It's a going-away gift. 699 00:39:26,366 --> 00:39:28,035 Hopefully you can use it wherever you land. 700 00:39:30,204 --> 00:39:31,246 Thank you. 701 00:39:31,330 --> 00:39:32,331 Yeah, no problem. 702 00:39:47,513 --> 00:39:49,223 What's wrong? 703 00:39:51,183 --> 00:39:52,184 Nothing. 704 00:39:52,267 --> 00:39:54,228 No, I just had to send all them ladies home. 705 00:39:54,311 --> 00:39:56,438 I already found my assistant coach. 706 00:39:56,522 --> 00:39:57,523 Who? 707 00:39:57,606 --> 00:40:00,192 Well, she's from Lewisham, you know, working-class family. 708 00:40:00,275 --> 00:40:02,694 Was a skinny little whiz kid of a midfielder 709 00:40:02,778 --> 00:40:04,363 over there at the Arsenal Academy. 710 00:40:04,446 --> 00:40:08,033 Known for her work ethic and being a real B-I-T-C-H to the older players. 711 00:40:08,116 --> 00:40:11,161 We're talking captain material, you know, a superstar in the making. 712 00:40:12,371 --> 00:40:15,582 Until at 22, she tears the ACL in her left knee. 713 00:40:16,625 --> 00:40:18,085 Spent the whole year doing rehab. 714 00:40:18,752 --> 00:40:20,629 First game back, tears the other one. 715 00:40:21,380 --> 00:40:24,383 Two years after that, tears the left one again. 716 00:40:25,008 --> 00:40:27,594 Bringing her playing career to an end right then and there. 717 00:40:29,429 --> 00:40:31,431 But ain't no way that's the end of her story. 718 00:40:32,432 --> 00:40:34,393 'Cause anybody strong enough to go through all that 719 00:40:34,476 --> 00:40:37,563 and, well, hell, smart enough to put together all this... 720 00:40:38,730 --> 00:40:42,651 and not only loves the sport of football but also, as I've seen with my own eyes, 721 00:40:42,734 --> 00:40:44,987 can care deeply for the women that play it... 722 00:40:45,070 --> 00:40:46,071 Shoot. 723 00:40:46,738 --> 00:40:47,865 Now there's a coach. 724 00:40:49,032 --> 00:40:51,034 And I got a hunch that story's just getting started. 725 00:40:54,162 --> 00:40:55,330 Hey, look. 726 00:40:55,873 --> 00:40:57,875 I know your heart was set on the top job. 727 00:40:59,209 --> 00:41:01,879 And I sincerely hope you get everything you want and deserve. 728 00:41:02,921 --> 00:41:03,922 But until then, 729 00:41:04,882 --> 00:41:07,009 will you please stick around and help me out? 730 00:41:10,179 --> 00:41:11,180 - Coach, I... - Now hold on. 731 00:41:11,263 --> 00:41:14,516 Before you answer, I just want to give you some time alone. 732 00:41:15,642 --> 00:41:16,852 Let you think about it. 733 00:41:17,561 --> 00:41:18,645 All right? 734 00:41:19,438 --> 00:41:21,440 So, I'm gonna go stand over here in the corner. 735 00:41:21,523 --> 00:41:24,193 And I'll give you five whole seconds, yeah? 736 00:41:25,194 --> 00:41:26,445 You just go ahead and take your time. 737 00:41:26,528 --> 00:41:31,283 Five, four, three, two, one. 738 00:41:31,366 --> 00:41:33,952 Okay, those last few were a little quick. I know, I got excited. 739 00:41:35,370 --> 00:41:36,496 So what you think? 740 00:41:37,164 --> 00:41:38,165 Yeah. 741 00:41:38,248 --> 00:41:39,833 Yes. I'll stay. 742 00:41:41,043 --> 00:41:42,294 It better not be shit. 743 00:41:43,045 --> 00:41:46,381 Well, if it is, welcome to second division women's football, right? 744 00:41:48,509 --> 00:41:50,552 Now, can I get your gift back please? 745 00:41:51,261 --> 00:41:52,513 - You want it back? - Yeah, man. 746 00:41:52,596 --> 00:41:54,223 That was a going away gift. You ain't going nowhere. 747 00:41:54,306 --> 00:41:56,016 Come on now. Cough it up. Let's go. 748 00:41:56,099 --> 00:41:57,100 Okay. 749 00:41:57,184 --> 00:41:58,560 Thank you. 750 00:41:58,644 --> 00:41:59,853 I'm back, baby! 751 00:42:21,959 --> 00:42:24,586 I finally finished it. 752 00:42:25,295 --> 00:42:26,421 And? 753 00:42:26,505 --> 00:42:28,340 And my eyeballs are still sweating. 754 00:42:28,423 --> 00:42:30,592 No, I meant, and what does it say? 755 00:42:30,676 --> 00:42:31,802 Right. 756 00:42:31,885 --> 00:42:33,011 Well... 757 00:42:35,222 --> 00:42:38,100 It indicates a low chance of long-term viability 758 00:42:38,183 --> 00:42:39,560 for our women's team. 759 00:42:40,894 --> 00:42:43,730 Adding that if the investment is unsuccessful, 760 00:42:44,398 --> 00:42:47,568 it could potentially deal a significant blow to our men's program as well. 761 00:42:53,282 --> 00:42:54,825 What would you do if you were me? 762 00:42:57,828 --> 00:43:00,706 Well, you know, my mum used to say 763 00:43:01,373 --> 00:43:06,420 that strong women stand up for themselves and stronger women stand up for others. 764 00:43:10,883 --> 00:43:12,176 Thank you, Leslie. 765 00:43:13,886 --> 00:43:14,928 Now, if you don't mind, 766 00:43:15,762 --> 00:43:17,139 I'm gonna set this on fire, 767 00:43:17,222 --> 00:43:19,057 dump its ashes into the Thames, 768 00:43:19,141 --> 00:43:23,312 and let us never speak of its existence ever again. 769 00:43:36,909 --> 00:43:39,369 - Hello. - Coach Lasso just left. 770 00:43:39,453 --> 00:43:41,246 No, it's you I wanted to see. 771 00:43:41,914 --> 00:43:45,125 Here's the letter of recommendation you asked for. 772 00:43:45,209 --> 00:43:46,376 You really didn't have to do this... 773 00:43:46,460 --> 00:43:48,795 There was actually something else I needed to talk to you about. 774 00:43:50,547 --> 00:43:54,384 When you questioned why I hadn't considered a female head coach, 775 00:43:55,010 --> 00:43:56,512 I have to admit I was shocked. 776 00:43:57,137 --> 00:43:58,472 Defensive, in fact. 777 00:43:58,972 --> 00:44:00,933 I thought, "Who the fuck does this young woman think she's talking to?" 778 00:44:01,016 --> 00:44:03,018 - Miss Welton... - No, no, I'm not done. 779 00:44:03,894 --> 00:44:07,397 I also thought, "Does she have a clue what I've gone through 780 00:44:07,481 --> 00:44:11,610 to even create a space where she thinks she can critique me like that?" 781 00:44:11,693 --> 00:44:14,863 - Miss Welton... - Then I thought, "Have I lost touch? 782 00:44:14,947 --> 00:44:17,866 Have I forgotten how to keep pushing forward?" 783 00:44:17,950 --> 00:44:19,660 Perhaps being pro-women 784 00:44:19,743 --> 00:44:22,788 is something broader than it was when I was your age. 785 00:44:22,871 --> 00:44:25,249 And so I thank you for calling me out. 786 00:44:25,332 --> 00:44:27,709 I'm just sorry you won't be here to see the results. 787 00:44:27,793 --> 00:44:30,712 - Miss Welton... - Let me finish, Alice. 788 00:44:31,588 --> 00:44:36,802 So, while I do appreciate the self-discovery 789 00:44:36,885 --> 00:44:39,763 that your inquiry has led me towards, 790 00:44:39,847 --> 00:44:43,934 might I strongly suggest that the next time you have something so helpful 791 00:44:44,017 --> 00:44:45,811 to say to someone, 792 00:44:45,894 --> 00:44:50,816 perhaps you could show a teeny-tiny bit more empathy and a little less judgment. 793 00:44:52,150 --> 00:44:53,277 Am I clear? 794 00:44:55,529 --> 00:44:56,530 Good. 795 00:44:57,489 --> 00:44:59,116 Now what was it you wanted to tell me? 796 00:45:00,075 --> 00:45:03,203 Ted offered me the job of assistant coach, and I've accepted. 797 00:45:03,829 --> 00:45:05,455 Wow, yeah. 798 00:45:05,539 --> 00:45:08,125 Yes! That's great. 799 00:45:08,208 --> 00:45:09,626 That's excellent. 800 00:45:11,962 --> 00:45:14,173 Now we're... cookin'. 801 00:45:15,382 --> 00:45:16,550 Go, Greyhound... 802 00:45:16,633 --> 00:45:19,720 Lady Greyhounds. Go, Lady Greyhounds. 803 00:45:24,558 --> 00:45:27,436 I bet it was far more enticing getting that job offer from a man. 804 00:45:31,315 --> 00:45:32,649 That was a joke. 805 00:45:33,483 --> 00:45:34,484 I know. 806 00:45:35,319 --> 00:45:36,320 It was very funny. 807 00:45:39,781 --> 00:45:40,782 Right.