1 00:00:22,882 --> 00:00:25,404 Steven, it's 7-damn-30 in the morning. 2 00:00:25,482 --> 00:00:27,414 What the hell are you doing here? 3 00:00:27,482 --> 00:00:29,414 Red, be nice. 4 00:00:33,749 --> 00:00:36,307 Steven, we're waiting. 5 00:00:36,382 --> 00:00:38,348 Oh, I've been living in the basement. 6 00:00:38,415 --> 00:00:42,404 You know, I did notice a dusting of curly hair on the floor... 7 00:00:42,482 --> 00:00:45,471 but I just wrote it off to my changing teenage body. 8 00:00:50,049 --> 00:00:53,015 I moved back in when my dad got transferred. 9 00:00:53,083 --> 00:00:55,674 Transferred? He's a bartender. 10 00:00:57,582 --> 00:00:59,878 Where'd he get transferred to, the jukebox? 11 00:01:01,449 --> 00:01:04,609 You know, Red, if it's cool, I'd kinda rather not talk about it. 12 00:01:04,682 --> 00:01:07,171 Well, Steven, it's important to get these things out in the open. 13 00:01:07,249 --> 00:01:09,737 Kitty, let him do what's natural... 14 00:01:09,816 --> 00:01:12,112 and keep his feelings bottled up. 15 00:01:13,315 --> 00:01:15,406 Attaboy. 16 00:01:15,482 --> 00:01:18,312 Well... 17 00:01:18,382 --> 00:01:20,814 Welcome back, Steven. 18 00:01:20,882 --> 00:01:23,507 You know, maybe we can spruce up your old room... 19 00:01:23,582 --> 00:01:25,741 since I decided to redo the basement. 20 00:01:27,382 --> 00:01:29,405 What? You're redoing the basement? 21 00:01:29,482 --> 00:01:31,914 Well, honey, no one uses it. 22 00:01:35,849 --> 00:01:39,009 I use it. Every day. 23 00:01:40,649 --> 00:01:42,706 It's my Batcave. 24 00:01:43,849 --> 00:01:46,111 I'll find you a good, cheap contractor. 25 00:01:46,183 --> 00:01:49,240 Oh, no, no, no. This is something I want to handle myself. 26 00:01:49,315 --> 00:01:53,338 - This is going to be expensive, isn't it? - Maybe. 27 00:01:53,415 --> 00:01:55,540 Don't you like anything cheap? 28 00:01:55,615 --> 00:01:57,547 I like you. 29 00:02:35,682 --> 00:02:39,080 Yeah, I'm gonna miss it down here. 30 00:02:39,149 --> 00:02:41,081 A lot of good times. 31 00:02:41,149 --> 00:02:43,808 I broke my foot climbing out of this dryer. 32 00:02:49,315 --> 00:02:53,714 Yeah, I hit my head playing handball with the soap in that shower. 33 00:02:56,149 --> 00:03:00,672 Me and Jackie totally did it, like, a bajillion times on this old sofa. 34 00:03:07,049 --> 00:03:09,810 Michael, that's private. 35 00:03:09,882 --> 00:03:12,279 I got news for you. It wasn't that private. 36 00:03:14,649 --> 00:03:19,707 Oh, my God! That is the biggest spider I have ever seen. 37 00:03:19,782 --> 00:03:22,646 I think it had a rat in its mouth. 38 00:03:26,682 --> 00:03:31,307 Okay, I think maybe the basement isn't the place for me after all. 39 00:03:31,382 --> 00:03:34,008 Oh, you know what, Mom? I think you might be right. 40 00:03:34,083 --> 00:03:36,947 I mean, not only is it bug-infested, but in all honesty... 41 00:03:37,016 --> 00:03:38,982 I think it might be haunted. 42 00:03:41,515 --> 00:03:43,447 Get out. 43 00:03:48,382 --> 00:03:50,507 That's spooky. 44 00:03:52,682 --> 00:03:55,170 I don't know, Mrs. Forman. I mean, sure, it's a pit now... 45 00:03:55,248 --> 00:03:59,806 but if you paint, fumigate and get rid of Eric, this could be a great room. 46 00:04:01,349 --> 00:04:03,372 Hey, wh... Hey, okay. 47 00:04:03,449 --> 00:04:05,381 You're not my girlfriend anymore. Okay? 48 00:04:05,449 --> 00:04:07,381 So you don't get an opinion on my stuff now. 49 00:04:07,449 --> 00:04:10,506 Mom, don't listen to her. She's crazy. 50 00:04:10,582 --> 00:04:13,309 Wait, I disagree with you, so I'm crazy? 51 00:04:13,382 --> 00:04:16,815 I think the last time I disagreed with you was the sanest thing I ever did. 52 00:04:18,482 --> 00:04:21,005 Okay, are you referring to our breakup? 53 00:04:21,083 --> 00:04:24,845 Because I must remind everyone that she wore my promise ring around her neck. 54 00:04:24,916 --> 00:04:27,075 That's crazy. 55 00:04:28,282 --> 00:04:31,248 Ring, finger. Finger, ring. 56 00:04:34,549 --> 00:04:38,208 - Well, you're lucky I didn't shove the ring up your ass. - Mom! 57 00:04:38,282 --> 00:04:41,112 All right. Wait. Who said, "Get out"? 58 00:04:47,449 --> 00:04:50,973 Anyway, Mrs. Forman, we have a bunch of decorating magazines at home. 59 00:04:51,049 --> 00:04:54,378 - I'll bring 'em over. - Well, thank you, Donna. 60 00:04:54,449 --> 00:04:57,904 And I think that ring looked nice around your neck. 61 00:05:00,182 --> 00:05:03,273 Donna, what the hell? What, we're not going out anymore... 62 00:05:03,349 --> 00:05:05,440 so you don't like my basement? 63 00:05:05,515 --> 00:05:07,447 Well, I guess now that I'm an ex-girlfriend... 64 00:05:07,515 --> 00:05:09,447 I'm free to tell the truth. 65 00:05:09,515 --> 00:05:11,447 Free at last! Free at last! 66 00:05:11,515 --> 00:05:13,447 Whoo! 67 00:05:15,582 --> 00:05:18,844 - Michael, get Eric some ice. - Why? 68 00:05:18,916 --> 00:05:22,439 For that wicked burn! Burn, Eric! Burn! 69 00:05:29,982 --> 00:05:33,072 Oh, happy day. 70 00:05:33,148 --> 00:05:36,842 Your friend Fez has taken his love of dance to its logical conclusion. 71 00:05:38,482 --> 00:05:40,948 I have joined a ballet class. 72 00:05:43,515 --> 00:05:46,413 Man, no offense, but you're, like, one good cry away... 73 00:05:46,482 --> 00:05:49,243 from being the total woman. 74 00:05:50,749 --> 00:05:53,271 Oh, really? Well, would a total woman... 75 00:05:53,349 --> 00:05:55,577 have her own pink satin slippers? 76 00:06:06,415 --> 00:06:09,677 Oh, Red, here. Um, meet our contractors. 77 00:06:09,749 --> 00:06:12,374 This is Theo and... 78 00:06:12,449 --> 00:06:14,438 Hey, Mr. Eric's Dad. 79 00:06:16,582 --> 00:06:20,639 This is who you hired to redo our basement? 80 00:06:20,716 --> 00:06:25,080 Well, no, no. Actually, I hired Theo. 81 00:06:25,148 --> 00:06:28,012 And, uh, I didn't really expect Leo. 82 00:06:28,082 --> 00:06:30,947 That was, um... That was a bonus. 83 00:06:32,115 --> 00:06:34,979 Here. Shoo, Leo. 84 00:06:35,048 --> 00:06:38,037 Don't worry, ma'am. Leo is solid. 85 00:06:41,182 --> 00:06:43,614 And he's not allowed to touch anything electrical. 86 00:06:45,215 --> 00:06:47,147 Kitty, I hate to interfere... 87 00:06:47,215 --> 00:06:49,408 I understand your concern, sir. 88 00:06:49,482 --> 00:06:52,175 But I'm not an irresponsible screwup like my cousin Leo. 89 00:06:52,248 --> 00:06:54,180 That's true, man. 90 00:06:57,248 --> 00:07:00,271 I used to be like Leo, sitting around all day, wasting my life. 91 00:07:00,349 --> 00:07:02,281 But then one day the smoke cleared. 92 00:07:02,349 --> 00:07:05,144 See, Red? He had an epiphany. 93 00:07:05,215 --> 00:07:08,181 Actually, I ran out of weed, and the smoke cleared. 94 00:07:12,816 --> 00:07:15,213 But, uh... 95 00:07:15,282 --> 00:07:18,373 Then I saw how trashed my apartment was, so I rebuilt it. 96 00:07:19,582 --> 00:07:21,775 Been a contractor ever since. 97 00:07:26,716 --> 00:07:28,705 Well, I'm sold. 98 00:07:32,981 --> 00:07:36,709 Okay, Donna, when did you stop liking my basement? 99 00:07:36,782 --> 00:07:40,737 I never liked it. There were a lot of things I kept to myself when we were dating. 100 00:07:40,816 --> 00:07:42,805 Yeah, well... 101 00:07:42,882 --> 00:07:45,313 there were plenty of things I kept to myself. 102 00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:49,307 Plenty. 103 00:07:50,816 --> 00:07:52,839 Like what, for instance? 104 00:07:52,915 --> 00:07:55,938 I'm sure Donna would like to know. 105 00:07:57,915 --> 00:08:00,313 Yeah, like what, for instance? 106 00:08:00,382 --> 00:08:02,678 Well, like... 107 00:08:02,749 --> 00:08:05,510 Why don't... you just start first? 108 00:08:06,948 --> 00:08:08,880 Okay. 109 00:08:08,948 --> 00:08:11,813 You know how when you eat, and you smack your lips in that really cute way? 110 00:08:11,881 --> 00:08:13,870 Yeah. 111 00:08:15,816 --> 00:08:17,839 It's disgusting. 112 00:08:21,915 --> 00:08:24,473 That's all you got? 113 00:08:24,549 --> 00:08:26,515 No. You have tiny wrists. 114 00:08:26,582 --> 00:08:28,707 What? 115 00:08:30,749 --> 00:08:32,738 No, I don't. 116 00:08:32,816 --> 00:08:35,338 Mom, do I have tiny wrists? 117 00:08:35,415 --> 00:08:38,210 No, not tiny. Dainty. 118 00:08:40,981 --> 00:08:43,004 No, no, no. No, no. 119 00:08:43,082 --> 00:08:45,571 The doctor always said you were in the normal range. 120 00:08:45,649 --> 00:08:50,274 See? Normal, Big Bone Magoo. 121 00:08:56,314 --> 00:08:58,712 Ooh. That's nice. 122 00:08:58,781 --> 00:09:01,974 You don't have to tell me. 123 00:09:03,648 --> 00:09:07,102 It's really cool you're here. Most men won't take ballet class. 124 00:09:07,181 --> 00:09:10,341 Oh, my pet, most men are not Fez. 125 00:10:22,648 --> 00:10:25,307 This whole basement thing is Donna's fault. 126 00:10:25,381 --> 00:10:28,211 I mean, what's her problem? She's been messing with me all day. 127 00:10:28,281 --> 00:10:30,213 - It could be payback. - For what? 128 00:10:30,281 --> 00:10:33,270 Well, she had to see you naked for two years. 129 00:10:37,747 --> 00:10:40,236 That must've been unpleasant. 130 00:10:40,314 --> 00:10:44,610 You know, for a guy who's been orphaned twice, you really lack compassion. 131 00:10:46,714 --> 00:10:48,703 Speaking of hurtful things... 132 00:10:50,615 --> 00:10:53,638 Hey, where's your dad, man? 133 00:10:53,714 --> 00:10:55,771 Okay. 134 00:10:55,847 --> 00:10:57,938 He, uh... 135 00:10:58,014 --> 00:10:59,946 He went to work for the police... 136 00:11:03,981 --> 00:11:07,675 developing high-tech handcuffs to restrain people with tiny wrists. 137 00:11:30,481 --> 00:11:33,913 Hey, uh, puffy-shirt guy called. 138 00:11:33,981 --> 00:11:36,243 He wants his puffy shirt back. 139 00:11:42,248 --> 00:11:45,873 Things at ballet class have taken a turn for the worse. 140 00:11:45,947 --> 00:11:48,311 Somehow, I've become one of the girls... 141 00:11:49,481 --> 00:11:51,470 a hairy, brown girl. 142 00:11:54,680 --> 00:11:56,737 Hey, uh, Fez... 143 00:11:56,814 --> 00:11:59,280 does that shirt come with its own bicycle pump? 144 00:12:00,581 --> 00:12:02,808 You should talk. That shirt makes you look like... 145 00:12:02,881 --> 00:12:04,813 a stick of Fruit Stripe gum. 146 00:12:08,680 --> 00:12:11,306 God, what did you have for breakfast this morning... 147 00:12:11,381 --> 00:12:13,710 Carnation Instant Bitch? 148 00:12:18,747 --> 00:12:20,804 Okay, that one was out of the park. 149 00:12:20,881 --> 00:12:24,075 I am so bored with you two. 150 00:12:24,148 --> 00:12:26,807 You know what? I actually want to talk about Fez. 151 00:12:26,881 --> 00:12:31,177 Fez, why don't the women at ballet love you? 152 00:12:31,248 --> 00:12:35,408 I don't know. They let me touch their thighs but not their hearts. 153 00:12:37,548 --> 00:12:40,173 You know what might help? 154 00:12:40,248 --> 00:12:42,578 If you dressed a little more masculine. 155 00:12:42,647 --> 00:12:45,079 Hey, Hyde, you know what my favorite ballet is? 156 00:12:45,148 --> 00:12:47,171 The Nutcracker? 157 00:12:56,714 --> 00:12:58,771 Hey, guys. 158 00:12:58,847 --> 00:13:02,041 Don't you think it's time to knock off? You know, maybe forever? 159 00:13:02,114 --> 00:13:04,978 Yeah, well, we're not done yet. Don't let us get in your way. 160 00:13:05,047 --> 00:13:06,979 Do whatever you'd normally do. 161 00:13:18,580 --> 00:13:20,773 This is what you normally do? 162 00:13:20,847 --> 00:13:24,007 I used to do this, too, back when I was being an artist. 163 00:13:25,281 --> 00:13:28,406 I love art. 164 00:13:28,481 --> 00:13:31,742 But I hate work. But... 165 00:13:31,814 --> 00:13:34,144 I love art. 166 00:13:34,214 --> 00:13:36,146 But I hate work. 167 00:13:37,314 --> 00:13:39,246 Do you hear that, Forman? 168 00:13:39,314 --> 00:13:41,575 Theo's an artist who hates work... 169 00:13:41,647 --> 00:13:43,579 and who at this moment... 170 00:13:43,647 --> 00:13:47,011 is very open to suggestion. 171 00:13:49,381 --> 00:13:52,370 Oh. I gotcha, Hyde. 172 00:13:52,448 --> 00:13:55,743 Theo, cluck like a chicken. 173 00:13:55,814 --> 00:13:57,939 Do it. Ow! 174 00:13:59,747 --> 00:14:01,872 Oh. 175 00:14:01,947 --> 00:14:05,004 Theo, if you're unhappy, and I hope you are... 176 00:14:05,081 --> 00:14:07,274 you gotta be true to yourself. 177 00:14:07,348 --> 00:14:09,939 Give up construction, man. Go back to art. 178 00:14:11,547 --> 00:14:13,672 You broke up with Art? 179 00:14:16,747 --> 00:14:18,838 I don't know what Eric's problem is. 180 00:14:18,914 --> 00:14:21,380 I wasn't being a bitch, was I? 181 00:14:21,448 --> 00:14:26,403 Oh. Donna, I know from bitch, and yes... yes, you were. 182 00:14:30,647 --> 00:14:32,977 But I feel much closer to you now. 183 00:14:35,680 --> 00:14:39,737 All right. Okay. I know what's going on here. 184 00:14:39,814 --> 00:14:42,939 You're being mean to Eric because you wanna do it with him. 185 00:14:44,448 --> 00:14:46,572 When Jackie dumped me, I had a buttload... 186 00:14:46,647 --> 00:14:49,011 of leftover "wanting to do it with her" feelings. 187 00:14:54,814 --> 00:14:56,905 Oh, my God. 188 00:14:56,981 --> 00:14:58,913 You morons might be right. 189 00:15:00,214 --> 00:15:02,442 But why do I have these stupid feelings left over? 190 00:15:02,514 --> 00:15:04,639 I just want to be friends with him now. 191 00:15:04,714 --> 00:15:06,737 What a child. 192 00:15:08,514 --> 00:15:10,446 So innocent. 193 00:15:11,981 --> 00:15:14,243 You're never gonna be friends with him. 194 00:15:14,314 --> 00:15:18,303 The only reason he was friends with you was so he could do it with you. 195 00:15:19,881 --> 00:15:24,438 Really? So he made friends with me when I was five... 196 00:15:24,514 --> 00:15:28,208 so he could do it with me when I was 17? 197 00:15:28,281 --> 00:15:31,213 Well, that and your sweet Big Wheel. 198 00:15:40,981 --> 00:15:43,776 Okay, off to ballet class now. 199 00:15:43,847 --> 00:15:45,938 More masculine, yes? 200 00:15:53,114 --> 00:15:55,636 Okay. We're all done. 201 00:15:58,914 --> 00:16:01,244 But you've only been here a day. 202 00:16:01,314 --> 00:16:04,371 Well, you know what they say: Rome was built in a day. 203 00:16:09,647 --> 00:16:13,239 No. Uh, "Rome wasn't built in a day." 204 00:16:13,314 --> 00:16:16,768 Oh? Well, your basement was built in a day. 205 00:16:26,181 --> 00:16:28,170 Ta-da. 206 00:16:36,480 --> 00:16:38,537 Y-You didn't do anything. 207 00:16:39,947 --> 00:16:41,936 It's a commentary. 208 00:16:42,014 --> 00:16:46,003 See, you wanted to change your basement into something that it wasn't. 209 00:16:46,081 --> 00:16:50,445 So instead of giving you something that you thought you wanted... 210 00:16:50,514 --> 00:16:54,640 I gave you something that you needed. 211 00:17:02,314 --> 00:17:06,178 Red, I think my contractor's on dope. 212 00:17:11,347 --> 00:17:14,041 No need to thank me. 213 00:17:14,114 --> 00:17:16,909 Oh, we won't. 214 00:17:18,281 --> 00:17:21,042 Because you didn't do anything, hophead. 215 00:17:23,947 --> 00:17:26,970 Look! It's art! 216 00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:30,509 I moved everything in this basement... 217 00:17:30,580 --> 00:17:33,046 two inches to the left. 218 00:17:37,214 --> 00:17:39,146 Oh, yeah. 219 00:17:39,214 --> 00:17:42,611 I call it "Basement... Two Inches to the Left." 220 00:17:45,148 --> 00:17:47,739 It's wild, huh? 221 00:17:47,814 --> 00:17:50,371 I mean, it's like... Where are you? 222 00:17:55,947 --> 00:17:57,879 All right. 223 00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:03,872 Mrs. Eric's Mother would like you to leave now. 224 00:18:03,947 --> 00:18:06,004 Okay, you don't get it. 225 00:18:07,881 --> 00:18:11,006 But when your life shifts two inches to the left... 226 00:18:12,148 --> 00:18:14,080 you're gonna call me. 227 00:18:14,148 --> 00:18:16,943 Oh, yes. You are gonna call me! 228 00:18:20,947 --> 00:18:24,777 And if you like our work, tell your friends, okay? 229 00:18:33,313 --> 00:18:35,245 Well, well, well. 230 00:18:35,313 --> 00:18:38,609 - Look who finally got his basement back. - Yep. 231 00:18:38,680 --> 00:18:40,805 Outwitted two hippie burnouts. 232 00:18:42,148 --> 00:18:44,080 Walk tall. 233 00:18:49,614 --> 00:18:51,705 So, hey, Hyde. 234 00:18:51,780 --> 00:18:54,610 Come on. Where's your dad? Really. 235 00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:57,010 Fine. You want to know? 236 00:18:57,081 --> 00:18:59,603 He and my mom got back together. 237 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:01,703 No way. No way. 238 00:19:01,780 --> 00:19:03,905 That's great. So, where are they? 239 00:19:05,313 --> 00:19:07,302 I can't tell you. 240 00:19:07,380 --> 00:19:10,813 - Why not? - 'Cause they won't tell me. 241 00:19:13,847 --> 00:19:15,836 They split on you? 242 00:19:18,347 --> 00:19:20,279 Oh, man. 243 00:19:20,347 --> 00:19:22,779 Oh, man. See, this is why I didn't wanna tell you. 244 00:19:22,847 --> 00:19:25,335 I knew you'd get all After School Special on me. 245 00:19:33,213 --> 00:19:35,202 Me? 246 00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:37,303 Please. 247 00:19:45,714 --> 00:19:47,646 It's okay. 248 00:19:48,714 --> 00:19:51,339 You're home now. 249 00:19:51,413 --> 00:19:54,504 - Get off me, man. - No, you let me love you, orphan boy! 250 00:19:56,881 --> 00:19:58,904 Don't hide from your feelings! 251 00:20:12,147 --> 00:20:14,340 - So, hey. - Hey. 252 00:20:14,413 --> 00:20:16,845 Look, I'm sorry I've been so... 253 00:20:18,014 --> 00:20:20,809 Bitchy? 254 00:20:20,881 --> 00:20:24,574 Yeah, I hadn't noticed. Who said "bitchy"? 255 00:20:24,647 --> 00:20:28,170 Yeah, well, it turns out that there are some... 256 00:20:28,247 --> 00:20:30,941 lingering feelings or something. 257 00:20:31,014 --> 00:20:35,378 Not real feelings... just, like, lingering urges. 258 00:20:37,413 --> 00:20:41,641 But they're just lingering feelings. They're not actual feelings. 259 00:20:41,714 --> 00:20:43,737 I just wanna make that very clear. 260 00:20:43,814 --> 00:20:47,576 You have. By using the word "lingering," like, six times. 261 00:20:48,614 --> 00:20:50,546 Okay. 262 00:20:53,180 --> 00:20:56,271 And the basement's actually really cool. 263 00:20:56,347 --> 00:20:59,177 And your wrists are very wide. 264 00:21:08,213 --> 00:21:11,805 Hmm. 265 00:21:11,881 --> 00:21:15,643 Um, there must be some way to break the tension here. 266 00:21:16,647 --> 00:21:19,112 Oh, I know. Let's just have sex. 267 00:21:20,313 --> 00:21:22,609 - Okay. - Really? 268 00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:24,669 No. See ya. 269 00:21:27,080 --> 00:21:30,205 Like I wanted to. 270 00:21:32,247 --> 00:21:34,213 I did want to.