1 00:00:02,450 --> 00:00:07,752 So, Eric, have you made your Christmas list for Santa yet? 2 00:00:07,822 --> 00:00:11,258 Well, um, I was going to, but then I turned 10. 3 00:00:13,894 --> 00:00:16,454 Steven made his. 4 00:00:16,530 --> 00:00:19,021 T-shirts. 5 00:00:19,100 --> 00:00:23,264 Well, I guess I could ask for a cassette player for the Vista Cruiser... 6 00:00:23,337 --> 00:00:26,272 like I have for the last... 80 years. 7 00:00:26,340 --> 00:00:31,368 But I won't get one, so I might as well just ask for a raincoat. 8 00:00:31,445 --> 00:00:35,245 Oh, so you want a raincoat? 9 00:00:36,917 --> 00:00:40,182 Man, remember when you used to come downstairs Christmas morning... 10 00:00:40,254 --> 00:00:43,553 and you'd see your stocking over the fire all filled with toys? 11 00:00:43,624 --> 00:00:48,288 Well, one year, I saw my mom's panty hose on the radiator... 12 00:00:48,362 --> 00:00:51,798 and, uh, Uncle "Strange Man" sleeping on the floor. 13 00:00:53,667 --> 00:00:56,329 He had a red nose though. That's Christmassy. 14 00:00:56,404 --> 00:00:58,998 Yeah, Christmas used to be so cool. 15 00:00:59,073 --> 00:01:02,839 - Now it's just another day. - Okay. Okay. 16 00:01:02,910 --> 00:01:06,141 It sounds like somebody needs a little holiday cheer. 17 00:01:06,213 --> 00:01:09,080 I know! 18 00:01:09,150 --> 00:01:11,550 You could direct the Christmas pageant at the church. 19 00:01:12,887 --> 00:01:17,119 Hey, yeah, that's the worst idea I've ever heard! 20 00:01:17,191 --> 00:01:20,251 Eric, you used to love that pageant when you were a little boy. 21 00:01:20,327 --> 00:01:23,854 And you need some Christmas spirit. And I already signed you up. 22 00:01:26,267 --> 00:01:30,363 Well, it was fun when we were kids. 23 00:01:30,438 --> 00:01:34,101 Then again, so was eating crayons. Yeah, okay. 24 00:01:34,175 --> 00:01:36,609 - I'll do it. - Good. Okay, now, Steven... 25 00:01:36,677 --> 00:01:38,668 No! 26 00:01:38,746 --> 00:01:41,374 No! 27 00:01:41,449 --> 00:01:43,383 Oh. 28 00:01:43,451 --> 00:01:46,443 So you won't be in a show about how there was no room at the inn... 29 00:01:46,520 --> 00:01:49,751 even though this innkeeper gave you a room? 30 00:01:50,825 --> 00:01:53,020 Your guilt has no power over me! 31 00:01:54,462 --> 00:01:56,453 I'll do it. 32 00:01:58,232 --> 00:02:00,792 Fa la la la la La la la... boned 33 00:02:40,407 --> 00:02:44,901 Guys, check this out. It looks just like when we were kids. 34 00:02:44,979 --> 00:02:47,140 And look, the wise-men gifts: 35 00:02:47,214 --> 00:02:49,705 Gold, myrrh, and... 36 00:02:51,118 --> 00:02:53,552 Hyde, I think this one's yours. 37 00:02:57,958 --> 00:03:01,553 That'd be my Baggie of frankincense. 38 00:03:01,629 --> 00:03:04,996 Well, if it isn't Mr. First-time Director. 39 00:03:05,065 --> 00:03:07,625 I thought I'd direct, but the church board... 40 00:03:07,701 --> 00:03:11,501 whose average age is... nearly dead... 41 00:03:11,572 --> 00:03:14,132 feels that I don't speak to the younger generation. 42 00:03:14,208 --> 00:03:17,575 Oh, Pastor Dave, I loved last year's Silent Night, Jazzy Night. 43 00:03:17,645 --> 00:03:19,613 It was really funny. 44 00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:22,740 It was a drama. 45 00:03:24,585 --> 00:03:28,077 You guys, you guys! Great news. 46 00:03:28,155 --> 00:03:31,454 Rudolph, Santa Claus Is Coming to Town, The Little Drummer Boy... 47 00:03:31,525 --> 00:03:33,720 They're all on TV this week! 48 00:03:38,966 --> 00:03:41,196 We can watch 'em! 49 00:03:42,269 --> 00:03:44,396 Yeah! We can wear our p.j.'s... 50 00:03:44,471 --> 00:03:46,462 and eat gumdrops and drink Kool-Aid. 51 00:03:46,540 --> 00:03:48,508 Hooray! 52 00:03:48,576 --> 00:03:51,943 Yeah! 53 00:03:52,012 --> 00:03:55,345 Okay, guys, let's talk about your parts. 54 00:03:55,416 --> 00:03:59,443 Okay, Eric, I want to be the Virgin Mary. 55 00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:03,388 See, she's pure and holy and rides a unicorn. 56 00:04:08,362 --> 00:04:11,559 No, Jackie, she doesn't ride a unicorn. 57 00:04:11,632 --> 00:04:13,623 She does now. 58 00:04:14,635 --> 00:04:16,626 A white unicorn with speckles. 59 00:04:16,704 --> 00:04:19,332 Write that down. 60 00:04:19,406 --> 00:04:24,139 Hey, is there anyone in this show who just kind of lies there and does nothing? 61 00:04:24,211 --> 00:04:26,577 Um, there's the baby in the manger. 62 00:04:26,647 --> 00:04:28,638 I call baby in the manger! 63 00:04:32,786 --> 00:04:36,119 Uh, Eric, I don't want to play Joseph as a carpenter. 64 00:04:36,190 --> 00:04:38,784 Oh, how about if I play him as a spaceman? 65 00:04:41,462 --> 00:04:46,126 Okay, uh, Kelso, I don't think Jesus was the son of a spaceman. 66 00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:49,727 Oh, really? Well, where do you think God lives? 67 00:04:51,905 --> 00:04:54,135 It's true, man. 68 00:05:01,148 --> 00:05:03,946 What the hell? 69 00:05:08,322 --> 00:05:10,449 It's the Russians! 70 00:05:16,430 --> 00:05:18,523 Aw, geez. 71 00:05:19,867 --> 00:05:21,801 Bob! 72 00:05:21,869 --> 00:05:24,463 Hey there, hi there, ho-ho-ho there! 73 00:05:26,740 --> 00:05:30,540 Bob, it's midnight. Turn that crap off. 74 00:05:30,611 --> 00:05:34,479 What would I do that for? 75 00:05:34,548 --> 00:05:37,381 Hey, check out the keister on Mrs. Claus. 76 00:05:39,453 --> 00:05:43,184 I know what I want for Christmas! 77 00:05:44,258 --> 00:05:46,726 Bob, are you drunk? 78 00:05:47,995 --> 00:05:50,657 I'm not sober! 79 00:05:58,505 --> 00:06:02,305 Eric, I have a little problem with my part. 80 00:06:02,376 --> 00:06:06,472 Um, it turns out you have me playing a wise man. 81 00:06:08,682 --> 00:06:11,617 Why can't there be any wise women? 82 00:06:11,685 --> 00:06:15,052 Yeah, okay. I'll take that up with the guy who wrote the Bible. 83 00:06:15,122 --> 00:06:17,283 Let me get back to you. 84 00:06:20,728 --> 00:06:23,288 Okay, Kelso, you are now playing a wise man. 85 00:06:23,364 --> 00:06:27,960 - Or a space wise man. - Better. Better. 86 00:06:36,176 --> 00:06:38,804 How come the foreign guy has to play the shepherd? 87 00:06:41,081 --> 00:06:45,609 I have never herded sheep in my life. 88 00:06:45,686 --> 00:06:47,847 Well, once, as a favor. 89 00:06:49,823 --> 00:06:52,417 Why can't I be a lifeguard? 90 00:06:52,493 --> 00:06:55,155 Or a space lifeguard. 91 00:06:57,264 --> 00:07:00,791 Then I could herd all the ladies into the pool. 92 00:07:03,470 --> 00:07:06,462 "Into the pool, ladies!" 93 00:07:06,540 --> 00:07:09,532 Now, that's a good role. 94 00:07:10,978 --> 00:07:14,470 Okay, uh, everyone? Everybody? 95 00:07:15,649 --> 00:07:19,415 Um, all of your ideas are all... 96 00:07:19,486 --> 00:07:22,353 um, stupid. 97 00:07:22,423 --> 00:07:25,358 Okay, moving on. Uh, at the end of the play, when Santa comes in the door... 98 00:07:25,426 --> 00:07:27,360 - Ooh! How about... - Kelso, I swear to God... 99 00:07:27,428 --> 00:07:30,158 if you say Space Santa, I'm gonna kick you in the head. 100 00:07:36,303 --> 00:07:38,294 Never mind. 101 00:07:55,189 --> 00:08:01,059 Red, are you stealing Bob's Christmas decorations? 102 00:08:03,831 --> 00:08:07,665 It's only stealing if you, uh... if you keep it. 103 00:08:08,936 --> 00:08:11,666 I'm throwing all this crap away. 104 00:08:13,507 --> 00:08:16,442 Oh, my God. I'm married to the Grinch. 105 00:08:17,778 --> 00:08:19,769 I'm Mrs. Grinch. 106 00:08:19,847 --> 00:08:23,908 Well, as long as you're not Mrs. Tattletale, we'll be fine. 107 00:08:28,222 --> 00:08:31,191 Leo, these guys are driving me crazy in there. 108 00:08:31,258 --> 00:08:36,093 Do you know what they think is Christmassy? Unicorns. 109 00:08:36,163 --> 00:08:38,893 Right... No, I'm sorry. Space unicorns. 110 00:08:42,769 --> 00:08:45,260 Well, that's redundant. 111 00:08:47,841 --> 00:08:50,833 Do you have any idea what this is gonna look like, man? 112 00:08:59,653 --> 00:09:02,087 Shark! Everybody out of the water! 113 00:09:02,155 --> 00:09:04,555 And off with your tops! 114 00:09:06,560 --> 00:09:08,926 Make way! Virgin Mother coming through! 115 00:09:14,501 --> 00:09:18,335 We come bearing gifts of frankincense, myrrh... 116 00:09:18,405 --> 00:09:21,033 and Led Zeppelin IV. 117 00:09:21,108 --> 00:09:25,135 Now, let me get a look at that cute little baby girl Jesus! 118 00:09:42,262 --> 00:09:44,992 I'm just gonna go home. Holiday Inn's on TV. 119 00:09:45,065 --> 00:09:47,397 Now, that's Christmas. 120 00:09:49,002 --> 00:09:51,937 You can't go home, man. This pageant's your chance... 121 00:09:52,005 --> 00:09:56,669 to spread some Christmas spirit, and that's contagious, like V.D. 122 00:10:00,681 --> 00:10:05,084 I just... I don't think I have it anymore, Leo. 123 00:10:05,152 --> 00:10:08,383 Ah, don't be fooled, man. V.D. Comes back. 124 00:10:16,830 --> 00:10:19,025 No, not... 125 00:10:19,099 --> 00:10:21,090 Okay. Yeah, I'll watch for that. 126 00:10:23,604 --> 00:10:28,007 So. Dipping into the frankincense, I see. 127 00:10:28,075 --> 00:10:32,808 Well, no more of that. Okay? We're gonna do this play the way it was meant to be done. 128 00:10:32,879 --> 00:10:35,541 And no spacemen. 129 00:10:37,117 --> 00:10:42,077 And anyone who doesn't like that is no Christmas friend of mine. 130 00:10:42,155 --> 00:10:46,615 And we should be a little bit nicer to those of us who want to watch Christmas specials. 131 00:10:46,693 --> 00:10:49,287 I mean, when Rudolph's nose shone so bright... 132 00:10:49,363 --> 00:10:51,763 and Santa realized he could guide the sleigh at night... 133 00:10:51,832 --> 00:10:54,562 That was a great moment in American history. 134 00:10:55,769 --> 00:11:00,297 Kelso, Rudolph was small, had a girlie voice... 135 00:11:00,374 --> 00:11:02,672 and I'm pretty sure he was a little light in the hooves... 136 00:11:02,743 --> 00:11:06,076 if you know what I mean. 137 00:11:06,146 --> 00:11:09,138 Of course he was light in the hooves. He could fly! 138 00:11:11,952 --> 00:11:16,321 I would have guessed Prancer. 139 00:11:18,392 --> 00:11:22,385 Well, you've all ignored me, so I'll take that as a resounding vote of confidence. 140 00:11:22,462 --> 00:11:25,795 Guys, let's do this thing! 141 00:11:25,866 --> 00:11:29,768 - What on God's green earth? - But Pastor Dave, I was just... 142 00:11:29,836 --> 00:11:34,239 I know what you were doing. I recognize that smell from the AC/DC concert. 143 00:11:34,307 --> 00:11:36,775 I was handing out leaflets! 144 00:11:38,245 --> 00:11:41,180 - No, but I wasn't... - Eric Forman, you're fired. 145 00:11:44,051 --> 00:11:46,519 You know what? Fine. 146 00:11:51,324 --> 00:11:56,125 Rudolph had a girlfriend! Her name was Clarice. 147 00:11:56,196 --> 00:12:01,566 She thought he was cute. Okay, if anyone was gay, it was that-that Hermey. 148 00:12:01,635 --> 00:12:04,934 No straight elf has hair like that. 149 00:12:14,381 --> 00:12:19,478 Well, as you may know by now, I had to let Eric go. 150 00:12:19,552 --> 00:12:23,511 Wait, you fired Eric? Who's gonna direct the play? 151 00:12:23,590 --> 00:12:28,755 I guess that responsibility falls "unto me." 152 00:12:28,828 --> 00:12:32,286 And I am willing to be the reluctant hero on this year's pageant... 153 00:12:32,365 --> 00:12:35,528 and whip all you ne'er-do-wells into shape. 154 00:12:46,980 --> 00:12:49,813 Okay, kids, that was a good one. 155 00:12:49,883 --> 00:12:53,114 Now, let's work on the scene where you untie me. 156 00:12:53,186 --> 00:12:55,177 And action! 157 00:13:02,228 --> 00:13:05,493 Give me my stuff back, Red! 158 00:13:05,565 --> 00:13:08,864 Don't know what you're talking about, Bob. 159 00:13:08,935 --> 00:13:11,597 And no! 160 00:13:11,671 --> 00:13:13,605 Oh, Red, just give it back. 161 00:13:13,673 --> 00:13:16,506 You don't want anybody to have a happy Christmas! 162 00:13:16,576 --> 00:13:19,602 Oh, you want happy? Drink another six-pack. 163 00:13:22,248 --> 00:13:24,808 Oh, this is nice. This is great. 164 00:13:24,884 --> 00:13:28,183 I guess we have a new tradition here: The annual yuletide fight. 165 00:13:28,254 --> 00:13:33,988 God, can't anybody just act decent for one freakin' day of the year? 166 00:13:41,801 --> 00:13:45,931 Well, out of the mouths of babes, huh? 167 00:13:47,440 --> 00:13:51,001 Well, fine. 168 00:13:51,077 --> 00:13:54,945 Bob, your decorations are in the Dumpster behind the liquor store. 169 00:14:00,754 --> 00:14:03,416 Thanks, Red. 170 00:14:03,490 --> 00:14:06,288 If I had mistletoe, I'd kiss you. 171 00:14:06,359 --> 00:14:10,921 Yeah, well, if I had "mistlefoot," it'd be in your ass. 172 00:14:19,272 --> 00:14:22,537 You know what I would like for Christmas? 173 00:14:22,609 --> 00:14:26,773 No more talk about you putting your foot in other people's rear ends. 174 00:14:31,117 --> 00:14:33,108 Maybe next year, Kitty. 175 00:14:36,890 --> 00:14:40,519 Whoa, dudes. What'd you do, man? 176 00:14:40,593 --> 00:14:43,824 Leo, man. We're just about to light the Dave. 177 00:14:45,465 --> 00:14:50,061 I can't believe you guys. You managed to bring a man of God to tears. 178 00:14:51,404 --> 00:14:53,702 I'm not crying! 179 00:14:53,773 --> 00:14:56,435 I'm talking about me, man. 180 00:14:56,509 --> 00:14:59,000 You know, you guys can hassle your skinny friend, Eric... 181 00:14:59,078 --> 00:15:01,945 but when it comes down to a fundamental moral core... 182 00:15:02,015 --> 00:15:04,745 he's the only one of you that's got one. 183 00:15:04,818 --> 00:15:08,879 So, congratulations. You've ruined Christmas. 184 00:15:12,525 --> 00:15:17,155 Oh, man. Leo's right. I mean, this probably isn't our finest hour. 185 00:15:17,230 --> 00:15:21,132 I don't know. It's pretty damn fine. 186 00:15:21,201 --> 00:15:25,763 Well, Jackie, you know, since everything's ruined... 187 00:15:25,839 --> 00:15:29,639 we could... I don't know... go home and watch Rudolph. 188 00:15:32,145 --> 00:15:35,171 Michael, those shows are for babies. 189 00:15:35,248 --> 00:15:38,411 But I want to watch it! 190 00:15:38,484 --> 00:15:40,475 I wanna! 191 00:15:40,553 --> 00:15:43,545 Grow up, Michael. 192 00:15:43,623 --> 00:15:46,956 You never let me have any fun! 193 00:15:50,196 --> 00:15:53,723 You guys, I feel kind of bad about Eric. 194 00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:55,893 - Yeah, maybe we should go find him. - Yeah. 195 00:15:55,969 --> 00:15:58,494 Or we could stay here and wrap Dave. 196 00:15:59,906 --> 00:16:04,275 - I say, get Eric! - Come on. 197 00:16:06,145 --> 00:16:08,636 Uh, guys? 198 00:16:08,715 --> 00:16:10,706 Oh, right. 199 00:16:11,718 --> 00:16:14,243 There you go. 200 00:16:21,294 --> 00:16:25,162 Oh, honey, you looked so sad. 201 00:16:25,231 --> 00:16:30,692 I am gonna let you open your big Christmas present early. 202 00:16:30,770 --> 00:16:34,536 Wow, it's kind of the size of... 203 00:16:34,607 --> 00:16:36,598 And it's kind of heavy like... 204 00:16:36,676 --> 00:16:41,409 - I knew you wanted one. - I can't believe that you got me... a rain coat! 205 00:16:44,017 --> 00:16:47,714 See, it's London Fog! Did I fool you? 206 00:16:47,787 --> 00:16:50,255 I put rocks in the bottom, so it would seem heavy. 207 00:16:56,296 --> 00:16:58,560 That's clever. 208 00:16:58,631 --> 00:17:01,964 Okay, now. I'm gonna wrap it back up. 209 00:17:02,035 --> 00:17:05,994 You can open it Christmas morning and pretend you're surprised. 210 00:17:06,072 --> 00:17:10,270 Uh-huh. So, we got that to look forward to. 211 00:17:10,343 --> 00:17:12,573 Okay! 212 00:17:27,694 --> 00:17:29,127 Huh? 213 00:17:29,195 --> 00:17:32,631 What's the matter, Kelso? 214 00:17:32,699 --> 00:17:35,133 Rudolph, I can't watch you anymore. 215 00:17:35,201 --> 00:17:39,467 - My friends say I'm too old. - Ho-Ho-Hold the phone! 216 00:17:39,539 --> 00:17:42,099 Too old for Christmas? That's nonsense. 217 00:17:42,175 --> 00:17:44,837 Yeah, but everyone's makin' fun of me. 218 00:17:44,911 --> 00:17:47,675 You know, Kelso, people used to laugh and call me names. 219 00:17:47,747 --> 00:17:50,910 "They wouldn't let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games." 220 00:17:50,984 --> 00:17:54,750 - So, what did you do? - I kicked 'em in the face. 221 00:17:54,821 --> 00:17:58,757 Blitzen bled like a faucet. 222 00:17:58,825 --> 00:18:00,816 Little Drummer Boy, what are you doing here? 223 00:18:00,893 --> 00:18:05,956 - Come, they told me. - No, but what am I supposed to do? 224 00:18:06,032 --> 00:18:08,933 All my friends are gonna think that I'm a baby if I keep watching your shows. 225 00:18:09,002 --> 00:18:11,334 Aw, screw those dumb-asses! 226 00:18:11,404 --> 00:18:15,807 If they're too old for Christmas specials, that's their loss. 227 00:18:15,875 --> 00:18:18,309 Can I go now? I'm very cold. 228 00:18:18,378 --> 00:18:23,611 Kelso, as long as you really, really believe in our magical world... 229 00:18:23,683 --> 00:18:26,618 nothing in life can ever hurt you. 230 00:18:26,686 --> 00:18:29,211 So, I can watch. 231 00:18:29,288 --> 00:18:31,483 I can watch! 232 00:18:31,557 --> 00:18:35,493 Whoo-hoo! I can watch! 233 00:18:35,561 --> 00:18:39,588 I can watch! I can watch! 234 00:18:47,707 --> 00:18:50,335 - Look at that face. - What a nice kid. 235 00:18:56,916 --> 00:18:59,407 I'm not too late. I haven't missed them! 236 00:18:59,485 --> 00:19:02,682 - Hey, Dave. - Uh, Michael? 237 00:19:02,755 --> 00:19:05,519 - A little help? - Oh. 238 00:19:06,893 --> 00:19:09,384 That wasn't fun. One of the lights burned my neck. 239 00:19:11,264 --> 00:19:17,032 You know, Pastor Dave, the only reason we mess with you is 'cause we like you. 240 00:19:17,103 --> 00:19:19,503 You do? You do! 241 00:19:19,572 --> 00:19:22,735 I'm cool! I'm cool! 242 00:19:32,318 --> 00:19:37,312 Oh, well, if it isn't the dill-holes of Christmas past, present and future. 243 00:19:38,424 --> 00:19:41,086 We came to talk to you about the pageant. 244 00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:44,687 - Dave said he'll un-fire you. - 'Cause I'm cool! 245 00:19:44,764 --> 00:19:47,665 And we'll do the pageant however you want. 246 00:19:47,733 --> 00:19:50,327 Yeah, I set 'em straight, man. 247 00:19:50,403 --> 00:19:53,770 Look, Forman, just come on back, all right? 248 00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:56,434 - Yeah, it'll be fun. - Yeah. We can all be together. 249 00:19:56,509 --> 00:19:58,773 I mean, it's Christmas, you know? 250 00:19:58,845 --> 00:20:01,279 Plus, we got you a present. 251 00:20:04,717 --> 00:20:08,585 Oh, man. A cassette deck. 252 00:20:11,257 --> 00:20:13,521 You guys, thanks. 253 00:20:13,593 --> 00:20:17,029 - So, you'll come back? - Yeah, okay. 254 00:20:17,096 --> 00:20:21,430 Ohh. Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown! 255 00:20:31,177 --> 00:20:36,080 Hey, those decorations aren't half bad. 256 00:20:36,149 --> 00:20:39,016 Look, it's snowing! 257 00:20:39,085 --> 00:20:41,679 Yeah, I hooked up the snow machine. 258 00:20:41,754 --> 00:20:45,554 Don't nobody smoke though. This stuff might be toxic. 259 00:20:46,559 --> 00:20:50,495 Ohh, a tape player. 260 00:20:50,563 --> 00:20:53,532 Didn't know you wanted one of those! 261 00:20:55,001 --> 00:20:56,992 Isn't it beautiful? 262 00:20:57,069 --> 00:21:00,402 Hey, Steven. Fix that light up there, will ya? 263 00:21:01,674 --> 00:21:06,304 - Ah, I dropped my candy! - Oh, no! 264 00:21:07,513 --> 00:21:11,074 Oh! Ah, my knee! 265 00:21:12,251 --> 00:21:14,412 How's that? 266 00:21:29,402 --> 00:21:32,371 Behold! The virgin has given birth. 267 00:21:32,438 --> 00:21:36,306 Isn't he cute? He's got my eyes. 268 00:21:36,375 --> 00:21:39,208 And my hair. 269 00:21:39,278 --> 00:21:42,714 Hark, we come bearing gifts! 270 00:21:44,784 --> 00:21:48,185 - Gifts from space! - Kelso! 271 00:21:48,254 --> 00:21:51,951 No! Earth air! Toxic! Choking! 272 00:21:55,394 --> 00:21:57,760 God bless us, everyone.