1 00:00:05,163 --> 00:00:09,080 All right, Donna put your chair here. I wanna get Steven's attention, 2 00:00:09,163 --> 00:00:14,163 and with you next to me I'll look like a tiny porcelain doll. 3 00:00:14,163 --> 00:00:18,163 Y'know Jackie, some people actually find me to be of normal height. 4 00:00:18,163 --> 00:00:22,039 Sure if they're green and jolly. - I can't take it. 5 00:00:22,122 --> 00:00:27,122 Watching Donna lie out, knowing she's gonna go to college and I have to stay here, 6 00:00:27,122 --> 00:00:29,122 She's so, so... 7 00:00:29,122 --> 00:00:33,122 Juicy. 8 00:00:33,122 --> 00:00:36,122 My Juicy. 9 00:00:36,122 --> 00:00:40,122 Well I'm not gonna stay here locked in the house just cause Jackie looks... 10 00:00:40,122 --> 00:00:44,122 ridiculously hot in that bathing suit. 11 00:00:44,122 --> 00:00:49,039 - Later Forman. - Bye bye juicy. 12 00:00:49,122 --> 00:00:53,122 Ladies. Ladies bodies. 13 00:00:53,122 --> 00:00:58,080 I wish someone would rub lotion on my shoulders. Think they're getting a little red. 14 00:00:58,122 --> 00:01:04,372 Yeah, you should be careful. Looks like you're starting to scab. 15 00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:10,080 Oh, that's a burn about a burn. That's a second degree burn! 16 00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:13,080 Y'know Jackie, I think maybe Hyde's moved on. 17 00:01:13,080 --> 00:01:17,080 No, no, no. You don't just move on from Jackie Burkhardt. 18 00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:21,080 I'm like the bottle, you need a twelve step program to break my spell. 19 00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:27,080 Okay ladies. All these sound waves are interfering with my sunrays. 20 00:01:27,080 --> 00:01:29,080 Let's tan. 21 00:01:29,080 --> 00:01:31,080 Alright, I'm gonna need you to lotion me up, darling, 22 00:01:31,080 --> 00:01:36,080 but only rub where you can see. No roaming! 23 00:01:44,038 --> 00:01:48,205 THAT '70s SHOW Join Together 24 00:01:49,405 --> 00:01:52,402 Preèasoval / Retiming blsho 25 00:02:23,436 --> 00:02:26,395 Hey, Mom, Dad, I have something I wanna tell you. 26 00:02:26,395 --> 00:02:31,395 I've decided not to move away. - What? 27 00:02:32,395 --> 00:02:35,936 I'm gonna stay and put off college for just a little while 28 00:02:35,978 --> 00:02:41,395 or at least until you're well enough to go back to work. - My baby, my baby, my baby. 29 00:02:41,395 --> 00:02:47,311 Mom okay, this is actually kind of embarrassing. You're actually really hurting me, yeah. 30 00:02:47,395 --> 00:02:51,395 You mean I've been waiting eighteen years for you to get your butt out of this house, 31 00:02:51,395 --> 00:02:54,395 and now you're staying? 32 00:02:54,395 --> 00:02:59,395 I signed over my pay check to you. I want you to go buy yourself something pretty. 33 00:02:59,395 --> 00:03:03,395 Or I don't know... electricity. 34 00:03:03,395 --> 00:03:07,395 Oh honey, thank you. 35 00:03:07,395 --> 00:03:13,645 Red it wouldn't kill you to thank him. - It might I just had a heart attack. 36 00:03:15,353 --> 00:03:18,270 Speaking of which, I just found this in the garbage. 37 00:03:18,353 --> 00:03:22,353 Why would you throw away the list of all the food the doctor said we couldn't have in the house? 38 00:03:22,353 --> 00:03:24,353 Kitty did you look at that list? 39 00:03:24,353 --> 00:03:27,353 If I had known what I was coming home to after my heart attack, 40 00:03:27,353 --> 00:03:32,353 I would've walked straight into that bright light and never looked back. 41 00:03:33,353 --> 00:03:38,353 Oh come on, it can't be that bad. 42 00:03:38,353 --> 00:03:44,353 I'll do it with you. Cause what's good for the goose, is good for the gander. 43 00:03:44,353 --> 00:03:48,520 Actually, Mom, Dad's the gander. 44 00:03:49,353 --> 00:03:54,520 The male goose. So it would be what's good for the gander is good for the goose. 45 00:03:57,311 --> 00:04:02,311 Let's take a gander at what you're giving up with the gander. 46 00:04:03,270 --> 00:04:05,270 That's how you do that. 47 00:04:05,311 --> 00:04:08,311 Potato chips, other salty snacks. 48 00:04:08,311 --> 00:04:11,311 Good advice, that doctor obviously knows what he's talking about. 49 00:04:11,311 --> 00:04:15,270 Butter, heavy cream, cheese. - Gone, makes a lot of sense. 50 00:04:15,311 --> 00:04:19,103 Alcoholic beverages. - Okay, that doctor's a quack. 51 00:04:25,311 --> 00:04:29,228 God, it's gonna be so hard going off to college without you. 52 00:04:29,311 --> 00:04:31,270 But we'll see each other on the weekends right? 53 00:04:31,270 --> 00:04:33,270 Well you say that now, but then there's that weekend 54 00:04:33,270 --> 00:04:35,270 when you call home and say you have to study 55 00:04:35,270 --> 00:04:40,270 but I here Moose, the place kicker in the background, asking if you want another shot of tequila. 56 00:04:41,270 --> 00:04:43,270 Eric, that would never happen. 57 00:04:43,270 --> 00:04:47,853 I would never date a place kicker, it's Quarterback or nothing for me. 58 00:04:50,270 --> 00:04:55,270 The more I think about leaving you, the sadder I get. 59 00:04:55,270 --> 00:04:58,687 And the sadder I get, the more I wanna be with you. 60 00:04:59,270 --> 00:05:04,186 Right now. - Now? 61 00:05:04,270 --> 00:05:06,270 Well yeah, I... 62 00:05:06,270 --> 00:05:09,270 Whoa, alright this is great, it'll be like completely spontaneous, like I just... 63 00:05:09,270 --> 00:05:12,437 Why are you talking? - I'm sorry, I... 64 00:05:17,228 --> 00:05:24,103 So it turns out that going away sex is even hotter than make up sex. 65 00:05:25,228 --> 00:05:28,228 It's like these chips, they say now even crunchier, and you're thinking, 66 00:05:28,228 --> 00:05:31,769 oh man there is no way, but then you take a bite 67 00:05:33,478 --> 00:05:36,186 and it is crunchier. 68 00:05:36,228 --> 00:05:40,769 Dude if something's crunchy, you should really have that looked at. 69 00:05:42,228 --> 00:05:47,228 There's no time my friend, I have a distraught neighbour girl to attend to. 70 00:05:47,228 --> 00:05:51,186 Dry your eyes baby, the lovin's on its way! 71 00:05:56,186 --> 00:06:01,103 Toe ring. - Oh, Fez you like? 72 00:06:01,186 --> 00:06:06,603 Yeah, got a toe ring. - On the little piggy that went to the market. 73 00:06:08,186 --> 00:06:14,103 Steven what do you think? - Can't resist toe ring. 74 00:06:15,186 --> 00:06:18,520 Whatever. 75 00:06:19,186 --> 00:06:23,186 I have all sorts of things now that I didn't have when we were going out. 76 00:06:23,186 --> 00:06:29,103 Toe ring, tan lines, a tattoo. - You don't have a tattoo, you're bluffing. 77 00:06:29,186 --> 00:06:32,103 Do you have a tattoo? 78 00:06:32,186 --> 00:06:36,061 Well we're not going out, so I guess you'll never know. 79 00:06:36,145 --> 00:06:42,020 I think I'm gonna stop wearing them all together. See ya. 80 00:06:43,145 --> 00:06:45,145 Look at you watching her, you love her, man. 81 00:06:45,145 --> 00:06:49,520 "Oh, baby, I love you so much." 82 00:06:55,145 --> 00:06:59,936 Were you doing Jackie? - Yes, yes. 83 00:07:05,145 --> 00:07:10,145 Why am I even thinking about her? Man, she's like Tahiti. 84 00:07:10,145 --> 00:07:14,061 It's warm and it's beautiful and you wanna go there, but when you do you get bit by a mosquito 85 00:07:14,145 --> 00:07:18,020 and you get malaria and you're sick for the rest of your life. 86 00:07:18,103 --> 00:07:23,103 She's obviously not over you either. She's practically putting on a show to get your attention. 87 00:07:23,103 --> 00:07:25,769 Just imagine it. 88 00:08:12,061 --> 00:08:15,353 I love to dance. 89 00:08:20,061 --> 00:08:23,395 Okay the doctor wins. 90 00:08:23,478 --> 00:08:26,978 Eric and I boxed up all the liquor. 91 00:08:27,061 --> 00:08:31,395 Man, look at all this, it's like Dean Martin exploded. 92 00:08:32,061 --> 00:08:35,061 There were bottles in the liquor cabinet, the dining room hutch, 93 00:08:35,061 --> 00:08:37,978 my Mom's nightstand. 94 00:08:38,061 --> 00:08:42,853 Oh no, no, that's for polishing furniture. - Mom, there's lipstick on it. 95 00:08:44,020 --> 00:08:47,061 It's just your luck Forman. You're about to turn eighteen 96 00:08:47,145 --> 00:08:50,936 and there's gonna be no hooch left in the house to steal. 97 00:08:51,020 --> 00:08:55,520 I mean avoid. Do homework next to. 98 00:08:55,603 --> 00:09:00,353 Pray near. Come on! 99 00:09:02,020 --> 00:09:07,936 Yeah, it's gonna be pretty boring around here. You know what you should do? Go to college. 100 00:09:08,020 --> 00:09:12,020 Mom would it be too much to ask for Dad to be grateful that I'm staying? 101 00:09:12,020 --> 00:09:15,020 Honey, we're all going through hard times. 102 00:09:15,020 --> 00:09:19,520 You're giving up your future, I'm giving up my Schnapps. 103 00:09:22,978 --> 00:09:27,020 Let's not compare our pain. 104 00:09:32,978 --> 00:09:35,479 Hey, sorry I'm late. Donna was really upset about leaving, 105 00:09:35,561 --> 00:09:39,978 so I had to comfort her in a bedular way. 106 00:09:39,978 --> 00:09:45,644 It turns out if I get her sad, she gives it away like goldfish at a freakin' carnival. 107 00:09:45,978 --> 00:09:49,978 Eric, I think you may have found a secret open sesame to sex. 108 00:09:49,978 --> 00:09:53,895 Make the lady cry. 109 00:09:53,978 --> 00:09:56,895 Perhaps I should try that with my wife. 110 00:09:56,978 --> 00:10:00,479 "Laurie here's a dead cat, now do me." 111 00:10:00,978 --> 00:10:04,853 A little history Fez, I think Laurie has a lot of open sesames. 112 00:10:04,936 --> 00:10:10,353 Like, "Hi, Laurie". That usually does it. 113 00:10:10,936 --> 00:10:15,519 Actually I only ever got as far as 'Hi'. 114 00:10:15,936 --> 00:10:19,270 Fez, I did it with your wife! 115 00:10:19,936 --> 00:10:22,978 God I have so much power over Donna now, it's like 116 00:10:23,062 --> 00:10:26,853 I know how Obi-Wan Kenobi feels. 117 00:10:26,936 --> 00:10:29,936 "These aren't the droidsyou're looking for." 118 00:10:29,936 --> 00:10:34,770 Man, I wish I could do it with Donna in a land speeder on. 119 00:10:34,853 --> 00:10:37,103 That would be so awesome. 120 00:10:38,936 --> 00:10:43,853 Hey, Steven, check out my new super sexy tattoo. 121 00:10:43,936 --> 00:10:48,103 Hard to keep your hands off, huh? 122 00:10:48,895 --> 00:10:51,811 Steven! 123 00:10:51,895 --> 00:10:55,644 Sorry, here's your tattoo back. 124 00:10:56,895 --> 00:11:00,811 I'll take that. - Steven, why are you being so difficult? 125 00:11:00,895 --> 00:11:05,811 Jackie, no amount of tattoos or toe rings, are gonna fix the fact that you have a lot to apologise for. 126 00:11:05,895 --> 00:11:09,811 You're the one who should apologise. - Then I guess we're not getting back together. 127 00:11:09,895 --> 00:11:14,811 I guess we're not. Oh, and by the way, you don't deserve a real tattoo. 128 00:11:14,895 --> 00:11:20,354 But if I were to get one, I'd show it to Fez before I'd ever show it to you. 129 00:11:21,895 --> 00:11:25,978 I hope she gets it on her hienie. 130 00:11:38,853 --> 00:11:43,020 Jackie, it really bugs me that you and Hyde aren't back together, 131 00:11:43,853 --> 00:11:47,603 so as the man who used to pleasure you endlessly, 132 00:11:48,853 --> 00:11:52,770 I feel it is my obligation to step in and fix this, 133 00:11:52,853 --> 00:11:58,686 cause when I'm a cop I'm gonna have to deal with domestic cases like this all the time. 134 00:11:58,853 --> 00:12:01,770 And the good news is, he'll have guns. 135 00:12:01,853 --> 00:12:04,770 Yeah, this is gonna be a piece of cake. 136 00:12:04,853 --> 00:12:06,686 Y'know they should have put me in charge of Vietnam, 137 00:12:06,770 --> 00:12:10,936 I would have had those people making out in a week. 138 00:12:11,811 --> 00:12:17,020 Wow, Donna, that might be the last time 139 00:12:17,103 --> 00:12:21,519 you'll ever get to see Kelso make an even bigger mess of a problem. 140 00:12:21,811 --> 00:12:26,020 Yeah I'm gonna miss that. 141 00:12:26,103 --> 00:12:28,645 And I'm gonna miss you. - Well I'm not gonna miss you two 142 00:12:28,728 --> 00:12:33,519 slobbering all over each other like fat girls in a house with free meat. 143 00:12:37,811 --> 00:12:41,645 And that might be the last time that Jackie ever makes fun of us, 144 00:12:41,728 --> 00:12:45,728 fat girls, and meat. 145 00:12:45,811 --> 00:12:48,312 Yeah... 146 00:12:53,770 --> 00:12:57,603 What? - Nothing, it just could be the last time 147 00:12:57,686 --> 00:13:00,686 that you and I stand beside the Vista Cruiser. 148 00:13:00,770 --> 00:13:05,770 I just waxed her she's all slippy slidy. 149 00:13:09,770 --> 00:13:14,686 Donna this might be the last time I bring you your toothbrush. 150 00:13:14,770 --> 00:13:17,686 That's not my toothbrush. 151 00:13:17,770 --> 00:13:22,853 Might be the last time... I bring you the wrong toothbrush. 152 00:13:30,770 --> 00:13:32,645 Hello, darling. 153 00:13:32,728 --> 00:13:36,478 I see you are washing your unmentionables. 154 00:13:36,728 --> 00:13:40,478 Yeah, do you know what gets out grass stains and Kailua? 155 00:13:40,728 --> 00:13:42,645 Anyways... 156 00:13:42,728 --> 00:13:46,686 I was thinking how sad you must be considering the mess you made of your life. 157 00:13:46,728 --> 00:13:51,728 With all that sadness, do you not also get needy? 158 00:13:52,728 --> 00:13:57,020 Y'know, I sorta do. - Ali Baba, the treasure is mine! 159 00:13:57,728 --> 00:14:01,895 I'm gonna go see if Carlos is home. 160 00:14:02,728 --> 00:14:07,020 That Carlos is one lucky SOB to have a wife like mine. 161 00:14:12,728 --> 00:14:15,645 Look, Hyde, I know you don't wanna tell Jackie that you're sorry, 162 00:14:15,686 --> 00:14:19,603 but there's gotta some things that you did, that you wish you hadn't done. 163 00:14:19,686 --> 00:14:23,603 Like that time that you told me to eat that stuff, and I didn't know what it was, 164 00:14:23,686 --> 00:14:26,603 and then you licked your lips, and you rubbed you stomach 165 00:14:26,686 --> 00:14:30,603 and you were like 'Mmm it's really good Kelso' 166 00:14:30,686 --> 00:14:35,728 and then I ate it and then I wished I hadn't of done that. 167 00:14:38,686 --> 00:14:43,603 Yeah, well, maybe with Jackie I was sort of impetuous and maybe a little rash. 168 00:14:43,686 --> 00:14:46,603 Now see, that's something that Jackie oughta know. 169 00:14:46,686 --> 00:14:51,603 Hyde say's that he was sort of infectious and he has a rash. 170 00:14:51,686 --> 00:14:55,853 What? - I'm just telling you what he said. 171 00:14:56,645 --> 00:15:00,561 All right, look, Michael, Steven's the one who messed up the relationship. 172 00:15:00,645 --> 00:15:02,645 He thought you and I were together but he was just wrong. 173 00:15:02,645 --> 00:15:08,478 He fabricated the whole mess. - Well somebody ought to make that clear. 174 00:15:08,645 --> 00:15:13,645 Jackie wants you to know that there was a mess 'cause she was wearing the wrong fabric. 175 00:15:16,645 --> 00:15:20,770 That can't be what she said. - It's word for word, man. 176 00:15:21,645 --> 00:15:23,561 Kelso, would you get outta here? - What, I'm helping. 177 00:15:23,645 --> 00:15:26,561 You're making me wanna kick your ass. 178 00:15:26,645 --> 00:15:29,937 That better be the rash talking. 179 00:15:46,603 --> 00:15:51,520 Busted, mister. - You're like a damn cat. 180 00:15:51,603 --> 00:15:54,937 I'm gonna make you wear a bell. 181 00:15:55,603 --> 00:15:58,520 Bad health in a can, that's what that is. 182 00:15:58,603 --> 00:16:01,520 The doctor said he wants nothing like that around here, and I agree. 183 00:16:01,603 --> 00:16:05,603 All it takes is a little bit of will power, Red. 184 00:16:05,603 --> 00:16:07,937 Even though you used to do something without thinking, 185 00:16:08,020 --> 00:16:12,186 you just have to grab a hold of those thoughts. 186 00:16:15,603 --> 00:16:18,770 Can I get you a refill there? 187 00:16:26,561 --> 00:16:29,478 Well there's a lesson for you. 188 00:16:29,561 --> 00:16:32,436 You're welcome. 189 00:16:35,561 --> 00:16:38,895 Oh hey, listen, son. 190 00:16:40,561 --> 00:16:46,603 It means a lot to your mother, you staying here and helping out the family. 191 00:16:48,561 --> 00:16:50,561 And as for me I... 192 00:16:55,561 --> 00:17:02,020 There. Doctor said I should write down my feelings. 193 00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:08,478 Are you actually thanking me? 194 00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:13,061 This is a list of yard work. 195 00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:20,103 Yeah, the lawn thanks you for all that mowing you're gonna do. 196 00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:24,436 You're welcome, Dad. - Yeah, well. 197 00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:28,353 All right, we're both men here. 198 00:17:32,520 --> 00:17:35,436 Oh, God. - What's wrong? 199 00:17:35,520 --> 00:17:39,687 Nothing it's just this could be the last time that... 200 00:17:42,478 --> 00:17:47,311 you and I watch Gilligan get hit on the head by the Skipper. 201 00:17:47,478 --> 00:17:50,395 Eric, the more we talk about me going away, the sadder you get. 202 00:17:50,478 --> 00:17:53,395 And being with you so much lately has been great, but 203 00:17:53,478 --> 00:17:58,895 afterwards… well you always used to look a little bit ashamed 204 00:17:59,478 --> 00:18:02,395 and I mean now you just seem depressed. 205 00:18:02,478 --> 00:18:08,270 Oh no, no, I'm not depressed, Donna, you are depressed. 206 00:18:14,478 --> 00:18:17,395 Okay, let's do this. 207 00:18:17,478 --> 00:18:22,311 All this last time stuff, have you been saying that just for sex? 208 00:18:22,478 --> 00:18:25,812 What? Have I... what? 209 00:18:31,436 --> 00:18:34,937 This is not the one you're angry with. 210 00:18:37,436 --> 00:18:40,770 You're disgusting. 211 00:18:42,436 --> 00:18:46,603 That might be the last time we fight over you trying to get me to have sex with you. 212 00:18:51,436 --> 00:18:54,353 Y'know Fez, this whole thing with Hyde and Jackie is stupid. 213 00:18:54,436 --> 00:18:56,436 They both wanna be together, and they would in a second 214 00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:59,853 f they just thought that other one had said I'm sorry. 215 00:18:59,937 --> 00:19:03,353 Eureka, Fez, Eureka! 216 00:19:03,436 --> 00:19:06,645 I'm one step ahead of you my friend. - Yeah I'll just lie to both of them, 217 00:19:06,687 --> 00:19:12,144 and tell them the other one said I'm sorry. - I thought we were going to pan for gold. 218 00:19:16,395 --> 00:19:20,562 Okay, here we go, let's make up. 219 00:19:21,395 --> 00:19:23,395 All right, look, Steven, I heard what you said. 220 00:19:23,395 --> 00:19:27,228 Yeah, I heard what... wait a minute, you heard what I said? 221 00:19:27,395 --> 00:19:31,311 Yeah, Michael told me, and just so you know I'm sorry too. 222 00:19:31,395 --> 00:19:33,311 Too? 223 00:19:33,395 --> 00:19:38,186 No, you're not sorry too, you're sorry one, I'm sorry too. 224 00:19:38,395 --> 00:19:42,019 Wait, what, no Michael said that... - Yeah, he said that... 225 00:19:44,395 --> 00:19:48,144 I did my work, you two gotta clean this mess up yourselves. 226 00:19:48,353 --> 00:19:51,270 So nothing's changed then? - Guess no. 227 00:19:51,353 --> 00:19:53,270 Forget this. - Okay, enough. 228 00:19:53,353 --> 00:19:56,270 Look, you guys, who cares who apologised first? 229 00:19:56,353 --> 00:20:00,103 Jackie obviously wants to be with you, and you're here which means 230 00:20:00,145 --> 00:20:02,270 that you wanna be with her and I don't blame you, 231 00:20:02,353 --> 00:20:05,687 cause with that rash you ain't got a whole lotta choices. 232 00:20:07,353 --> 00:20:11,436 All right, look, Steven, do you wanna be with me? 233 00:20:12,353 --> 00:20:17,270 No, no a shrug's not gonna cut it. Steven, I need you to say something. 234 00:20:17,353 --> 00:20:20,353 All right, look, I'll even go first. 235 00:20:20,436 --> 00:20:25,186 Steven I wanna be with you. And you... 236 00:20:25,353 --> 00:20:27,270 I... 237 00:20:27,353 --> 00:20:30,186 Can you hang on a second? 238 00:20:30,311 --> 00:20:33,145 Would you get outta here? 239 00:20:33,311 --> 00:20:37,853 If you want me to leave, all you have to do is say please. - Fine, please. 240 00:20:38,311 --> 00:20:41,645 That's better. 241 00:20:43,311 --> 00:20:46,228 Jackie, I do wanna be with you. 242 00:20:46,311 --> 00:20:51,186 Because you love... - Don't push it. 243 00:20:56,613 --> 00:21:01,405 Okay, Steven, where's your beer? - What? Me, beer? 244 00:21:01,613 --> 00:21:04,613 Kitty threw away all my beer, the Packers are down by 11, 245 00:21:04,613 --> 00:21:09,488 you're 18, I know you have beer, so where's your beer? 246 00:21:11,572 --> 00:21:13,488 I don't want used beer. 247 00:21:13,572 --> 00:21:16,988 Well, I might have a couple of fresh ones in the shower. 248 00:21:20,530 --> 00:21:23,655 Yeah, I'm running low, I should probably hit the store.