1
00:00:03,755 --> 00:00:08,287
Guys, there are actual
stewardesses out there,

2
00:00:08,354 --> 00:00:10,719
and one of them talked to me.

3
00:00:10,787 --> 00:00:13,362
I made this joke about
how they just flew in...

4
00:00:13,429 --> 00:00:16,611
And their arms must be tired.

5
00:00:17,469 --> 00:00:19,677
Yeah, great.

6
00:00:19,745 --> 00:00:24,026
Kelso, their neckerchiefs are undone.

7
00:00:24,094 --> 00:00:27,087
You can see their necks.

8
00:00:27,155 --> 00:00:30,269
Look, I don't have time
for stewardess neck.

9
00:00:30,336 --> 00:00:31,464
I gotta study.

10
00:00:31,465 --> 00:00:34,703
They're really riding me down at the
police academy and I don't know why.

11
00:00:34,770 --> 00:00:37,205
I know why. It's fun.

12
00:00:38,616 --> 00:00:41,880
They even chose me last to
work on the c.P.R. Dummy,

13
00:00:41,947 --> 00:00:45,583
so everybody's spit was all over it.

14
00:00:45,651 --> 00:00:47,399
Yo, even Johnson's spit,

15
00:00:47,467 --> 00:00:50,049
and he's got a monster cold sore.

16
00:00:50,117 --> 00:00:52,065
I know why they're doing that.

17
00:00:52,133 --> 00:00:53,779
I bet you're the stooge.

18
00:00:53,846 --> 00:00:55,227
What?

19
00:00:55,228 --> 00:00:56,333
Every year the police academy

20
00:00:56,400 --> 00:00:58,013
lets one guy in they know will fail out.

21
00:00:58,081 --> 00:01:00,060
They use him to scare the other cadets.

22
00:01:01,101 --> 00:01:03,444
I know 'cause my brother was a stooge.

23
00:01:03,512 --> 00:01:06,198
All right, fine. It was me.

24
00:01:06,265 --> 00:01:08,811
Oh, man, I'm the stooge!

25
00:01:08,879 --> 00:01:11,198
Hey, come on. Kelso, if that were true,

26
00:01:11,265 --> 00:01:13,943
you'd have had to have been
a screw-up your whole life.

27
00:01:14,017 --> 00:01:18,105
I mean, sure, you've fallen
off the water tower...

28
00:01:18,173 --> 00:01:21,281
Every year... since junior high.

29
00:01:21,348 --> 00:01:24,251
And you broke your arm wrestling a dog.

30
00:01:24,319 --> 00:01:29,203
And, heck, no one's eaten
more change than you.

31
00:01:29,269 --> 00:01:31,211
All right, I gotta
say, you guys are making

32
00:01:31,278 --> 00:01:33,452
a pretty good case that I'm the stooge!

33
00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:34,790
Well, if you're not,

34
00:01:34,858 --> 00:01:36,464
there's a guy who's
about to step on a rake

35
00:01:36,532 --> 00:01:38,206
that I really want to meet.

36
00:02:08,772 --> 00:02:11,010
Hello, Wisconsin!

37
00:02:18,734 --> 00:02:23,132
I can't believe I'm the stooge!

38
00:02:23,199 --> 00:02:25,965
Michael, it's just the
way some people are, okay?

39
00:02:26,033 --> 00:02:28,364
Some people are lazy.
Some people are clumsy.

40
00:02:28,432 --> 00:02:30,497
Some people are stooges.

41
00:02:31,732 --> 00:02:33,798
You're lucky enough to be all three.

42
00:02:37,432 --> 00:02:39,798
Kelso, keep in mind you're
being called a stooge

43
00:02:39,865 --> 00:02:41,497
by a stooge

44
00:02:41,565 --> 00:02:44,797
while a third stooge sits idly by.

45
00:02:44,864 --> 00:02:48,295
Compliment... accepted.

46
00:02:57,362 --> 00:03:00,097
Now, listen, you nincompoops.

47
00:03:00,164 --> 00:03:03,661
These pies are for some
very important clients.

48
00:03:03,728 --> 00:03:05,727
Nothing should happen
to these pies. Got that?

49
00:03:05,795 --> 00:03:07,293
Sure thing, boss.

50
00:03:11,061 --> 00:03:14,059
Nice going, you knucklehead.
Now we gotta wash 'em.

51
00:03:15,526 --> 00:03:17,325
Want to give me a hand?

52
00:03:17,392 --> 00:03:20,324
Bravo! Bravo!

53
00:03:20,392 --> 00:03:24,190
Ah, so we got a wise guy, huh?

54
00:03:36,489 --> 00:03:38,187
Nyuk-nyuk-nyuk!

55
00:03:49,787 --> 00:03:51,852
Oh, yeah?

56
00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:53,385
Take this!

57
00:03:53,452 --> 00:03:56,584
How's it going with those...

58
00:04:00,317 --> 00:04:01,883
Pies?

59
00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:11,147
Ugh. The three stooges have such bad hair.

60
00:04:12,913 --> 00:04:13,232
You know, I wish I could go back in time

61
00:04:13,233 --> 00:04:16,765
for just 10 minutes and
hand out combs and brushes.

62
00:04:18,331 --> 00:04:20,663
Guys, can we focus here?

63
00:04:20,731 --> 00:04:22,696
I gotta figure out if
I'm the stooge or not.

64
00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:25,228
Well, why don't you just, like,
ask your Captain or something?

65
00:04:25,296 --> 00:04:28,928
He won't tell me. That's the whole point.

66
00:04:28,996 --> 00:04:31,831
I gotta get a look at my file,

67
00:04:31,898 --> 00:04:34,830
which means I gotta break
into the police academy.

68
00:04:36,097 --> 00:04:39,563
Okay, you see how you took
something that made sense

69
00:04:39,630 --> 00:04:41,763
and then made it weird?

70
00:04:41,831 --> 00:04:44,696
That's part of the problem.

71
00:04:44,764 --> 00:04:46,196
That's what I like about you, kelso.

72
00:04:46,264 --> 00:04:48,530
You can make a mess out of anything.

73
00:04:48,598 --> 00:04:49,897
I'm in.

74
00:04:51,164 --> 00:04:53,530
Yeah, well, not me. Breaking into a place

75
00:04:53,598 --> 00:04:55,530
where they train people to shoot you

76
00:04:55,598 --> 00:04:57,296
if you break into a place...

77
00:04:58,431 --> 00:05:01,228
Come on, Eric. We're a team.

78
00:05:01,296 --> 00:05:03,694
Yeah, Michael's the
looks. Steven's the brain.

79
00:05:03,762 --> 00:05:06,623
And you, your house has food.

80
00:05:06,690 --> 00:05:10,887
Hey, remember when we
shoplifted those baseball cards?

81
00:05:10,955 --> 00:05:13,386
We were 12 years old.

82
00:05:13,454 --> 00:05:15,953
And I didn't shoplift anything.

83
00:05:16,019 --> 00:05:18,885
That's right. You went
home and told your mommy.

84
00:05:20,118 --> 00:05:21,984
You mama's boy.

85
00:05:22,051 --> 00:05:25,816
Well, did you want that
on your permanent record?

86
00:05:25,884 --> 00:05:28,582
Yeah, I didn't think so, mister.

87
00:05:30,149 --> 00:05:32,315
Oh, God, I am a mama's boy. I'm in.

88
00:05:36,649 --> 00:05:39,682
Now, the secret to really good Fudge

89
00:05:39,749 --> 00:05:42,447
is a tiny bit of Kahlua.

90
00:05:45,382 --> 00:05:47,314
You must make a lot of Fudge,

91
00:05:47,382 --> 00:05:49,581
'cause the bottle's almost empty.

92
00:05:49,649 --> 00:05:54,213
Well, it's a tiny bit
of Kahlua for the Fudge,

93
00:05:54,281 --> 00:05:56,214
a tiny bit for the chef.

94
00:05:56,282 --> 00:05:58,948
Ha ha ha ha!

95
00:05:59,014 --> 00:06:01,880
That's how you make cooking fun.

96
00:06:03,164 --> 00:06:06,329
Apparently, it also works
for sewing and laundry

97
00:06:06,396 --> 00:06:09,328
and sitting around watching tv.

98
00:06:11,863 --> 00:06:14,293
Okay, the I.N.S. Called. I have to go in

99
00:06:14,361 --> 00:06:16,993
for a final review before
I can pick up my green card.

100
00:06:17,060 --> 00:06:19,627
I bet they give you a
test on U.S. history.

101
00:06:19,694 --> 00:06:22,526
See, America is strict
about who we let in here

102
00:06:22,593 --> 00:06:25,492
'cause we have stuff
that people want to steal.

103
00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:28,791
Unlike your lesser countries,
like Canada and France.

104
00:06:35,124 --> 00:06:36,123
See?

105
00:06:36,191 --> 00:06:39,555
This is when a Bobby pin comes in handy.

106
00:06:39,622 --> 00:06:41,917
Why do you have a Bobby pin?

107
00:06:41,985 --> 00:06:45,116
I'm training my hair, okay?

108
00:06:45,184 --> 00:06:48,683
I want more wave, less fluff.

109
00:06:48,750 --> 00:06:50,349
Guys, this is serious.

110
00:06:50,416 --> 00:06:52,649
Let's just find my file
and get out of here.

111
00:06:52,717 --> 00:06:54,117
Hey, what's in here?

112
00:06:54,185 --> 00:06:55,618
It's the k-9 training room.

113
00:06:55,686 --> 00:06:57,885
It's where they keep all the samples

114
00:06:57,951 --> 00:07:00,752
to teach the police
dogs what to sniff for.

115
00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:05,652
Oh, man, these samples

116
00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:08,485
are way better than our samples.

117
00:07:08,553 --> 00:07:11,018
Did you see how quickly
I sniffed them out?

118
00:07:11,085 --> 00:07:13,552
I could so be a police dog.

119
00:07:14,786 --> 00:07:17,151
Cool. Training collar.

120
00:07:17,219 --> 00:07:20,049
You know, I still don't get how
they could think I'm a stooge.

121
00:07:20,117 --> 00:07:22,049
I'm, like, so on top of everything.

122
00:07:22,117 --> 00:07:23,715
What's this thing do?

123
00:07:23,783 --> 00:07:24,880
Oh!

124
00:07:24,948 --> 00:07:27,413
Give me that, kelso!

125
00:07:27,481 --> 00:07:29,113
You're gonna hurt yourself.

126
00:07:32,081 --> 00:07:34,479
Quit it, Hyde. That really hurts.

127
00:07:34,547 --> 00:07:36,478
Okay, do it one more time.

128
00:07:47,045 --> 00:07:49,678
Okay, so this is George Washington,

129
00:07:49,746 --> 00:07:51,811
the father of our country.

130
00:07:51,877 --> 00:07:54,443
Well, George and I have
one thing in common.

131
00:07:54,511 --> 00:07:57,842
We both look good in a powdered white wig.

132
00:08:00,876 --> 00:08:03,308
Okay, so, fez, the statue of liberty

133
00:08:03,376 --> 00:08:05,308
was a gift from the French.

134
00:08:05,375 --> 00:08:08,207
The French? I didn't know that.

135
00:08:08,275 --> 00:08:09,974
You didn't know that?

136
00:08:10,041 --> 00:08:12,574
I really don't think
it's common knowledge.

137
00:08:12,641 --> 00:08:15,938
Okay, I painted my nails
through two semesters

138
00:08:16,006 --> 00:08:18,138
of American history, and even I knew that.

139
00:08:18,206 --> 00:08:20,638
Well, don't I feel like the hillbilly

140
00:08:20,706 --> 00:08:23,571
who wandered into town.

141
00:08:23,638 --> 00:08:25,003
Well, it's no big deal, Mrs. Forman.

142
00:08:25,071 --> 00:08:27,003
Oh, I see. It's no big deal

143
00:08:27,071 --> 00:08:29,003
for you smart people who know everything.

144
00:08:29,071 --> 00:08:31,003
But for us hillbillies,

145
00:08:31,071 --> 00:08:33,002
well, we're lucky if we
know how to tie our shoes

146
00:08:33,070 --> 00:08:35,336
and flush the toilet.

147
00:08:35,403 --> 00:08:37,934
Okay, Mrs. Forman, please don't get upset.

148
00:08:38,002 --> 00:08:39,401
Okay, here.

149
00:08:39,469 --> 00:08:41,567
Drink some more Fudge.

150
00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:48,598
Okay, so...

151
00:08:48,666 --> 00:08:50,732
The constitution was ratified...

152
00:08:50,798 --> 00:08:52,064
Oh, I know this.

153
00:08:52,132 --> 00:08:53,631
1776.

154
00:08:53,698 --> 00:08:56,730
Oh, you're thinking of the
declaration of independence.

155
00:08:56,796 --> 00:08:58,128
See, the
constitution was...

156
00:08:58,196 --> 00:09:00,129
I know what the constitution is.

157
00:09:00,197 --> 00:09:01,630
Can you make Fudge?

158
00:09:01,698 --> 00:09:02,698
What?

159
00:09:02,765 --> 00:09:05,601
Then can it.

160
00:09:05,669 --> 00:09:07,635
Okay, what if they ask
me about current events?

161
00:09:07,703 --> 00:09:09,435
Tell me about Vietnam.

162
00:09:09,502 --> 00:09:11,534
Okay, so Vietnam was an
illegal war which we lost.

163
00:09:11,602 --> 00:09:14,965
What the hell are you teaching him?

164
00:09:15,833 --> 00:09:18,831
You, come with me.

165
00:09:20,132 --> 00:09:22,532
I'll teach you the real American history.

166
00:09:22,599 --> 00:09:24,531
First of all, we didn't lose the war.

167
00:09:24,599 --> 00:09:26,298
It was a tie.

168
00:09:27,765 --> 00:09:29,698
Besides, they're grateful.

169
00:09:29,765 --> 00:09:32,264
They have McDonald's now.

170
00:09:34,830 --> 00:09:36,829
Here's my file.

171
00:09:36,896 --> 00:09:39,828
It doesn't say "stooge" anywhere.

172
00:09:41,363 --> 00:09:44,329
Oh, good picture, but that's no shocker.

173
00:09:44,397 --> 00:09:46,428
But this is...

174
00:09:46,496 --> 00:09:49,228
Aah!

175
00:09:49,295 --> 00:09:50,960
I think the batteries are starting to go.

176
00:09:51,028 --> 00:09:52,527
That one didn't hurt as much.

177
00:09:52,594 --> 00:09:55,291
You better let me hold on to this file.

178
00:09:55,359 --> 00:09:56,790
I don't leave any fingerprints,

179
00:09:56,858 --> 00:09:59,558
thanks to my cool new black gloves.

180
00:09:59,625 --> 00:10:04,022
Man, if only these shot webs.

181
00:10:06,089 --> 00:10:08,254
Aren't those your mom's isotoners?

182
00:10:10,987 --> 00:10:12,920
All right, guys, I gotta figure out

183
00:10:12,987 --> 00:10:15,220
if I'm in trouble or not.

184
00:10:16,187 --> 00:10:18,952
What the hell is going on in here?

185
00:10:19,987 --> 00:10:23,785
I'm gonna go with you're in trouble.

186
00:10:33,970 --> 00:10:37,268
Cadet kelso, do you
know what the penalty is

187
00:10:37,336 --> 00:10:39,101
for breaking into the academy office?

188
00:10:39,169 --> 00:10:41,800
No, sir, officer Kennedy, sir!

189
00:10:41,867 --> 00:10:43,300
There are none,

190
00:10:43,368 --> 00:10:46,199
because nobody's been
stupid enough to do it!

191
00:10:46,266 --> 00:10:50,167
All right! You're first in your class.

192
00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:57,032
Is that a dog training
collar around your neck?

193
00:10:59,267 --> 00:11:01,799
Oh, um, you're probably gonna want this.

194
00:11:03,601 --> 00:11:05,299
It's the red button.

195
00:11:05,367 --> 00:11:08,199
Look, sir, I think you should know

196
00:11:08,266 --> 00:11:09,864
that at the last police charity auction,

197
00:11:09,932 --> 00:11:12,264
my family bought one of your
Christmas tree ornaments...

198
00:11:12,332 --> 00:11:14,330
Santa driving a cop car.

199
00:11:14,398 --> 00:11:18,063
Funniest thing on the tree. It was.

200
00:11:18,130 --> 00:11:20,162
Anyway, please don't call my mom and dad.

201
00:11:20,230 --> 00:11:21,795
Thanks.

202
00:11:21,863 --> 00:11:23,462
What's your name?

203
00:11:23,530 --> 00:11:25,794
They call me fez.

204
00:11:27,861 --> 00:11:31,193
Officer Kennedy, sir, I broke in

205
00:11:31,260 --> 00:11:34,259
to find out if I was
the stooge or not, sir.

206
00:11:34,327 --> 00:11:36,759
You're not the stooge.
Johnson's the stooge.

207
00:11:36,826 --> 00:11:39,028
Yes.

208
00:11:39,095 --> 00:11:42,428
But you're the stooge now.

209
00:11:44,530 --> 00:11:47,895
Okay, I think that we've
been reviewing long enough.

210
00:11:47,963 --> 00:11:50,229
Let's see what you've learned.

211
00:11:50,297 --> 00:11:52,429
I'll start you off with an easy one.

212
00:11:52,497 --> 00:11:54,295
Where do you live?

213
00:11:54,363 --> 00:11:56,229
Ame-dee-ca.

214
00:11:56,297 --> 00:12:00,095
It's pronounced America.

215
00:12:00,163 --> 00:12:02,395
That's what I
said. Ame-dee-ca.

216
00:12:02,463 --> 00:12:05,293
America!

217
00:12:05,361 --> 00:12:07,625
Ame-dee-ca.

218
00:12:09,391 --> 00:12:11,457
Why do we celebrate the 4th of July?

219
00:12:11,525 --> 00:12:13,823
Because we are damn glad not to be a bunch

220
00:12:13,891 --> 00:12:16,024
of British tea-drinking
nancy-pants.

221
00:12:16,091 --> 00:12:20,157
Nobody's gonna argue with that answer.

222
00:12:22,655 --> 00:12:25,717
A-mer-I-ca!

223
00:12:25,784 --> 00:12:29,714
A-me-dee-ca!

224
00:12:29,781 --> 00:12:32,347
America!

225
00:12:32,415 --> 00:12:34,679
Ame-dee-ca!

226
00:12:36,180 --> 00:12:37,712
What was president

227
00:12:37,780 --> 00:12:40,579
Dwight d. Eisenhower's
greatest achievement?

228
00:12:40,646 --> 00:12:42,578
He led the allies to
victory in world war ii

229
00:12:42,646 --> 00:12:44,778
and sent those jackbooted
Nazi bastards home

230
00:12:44,846 --> 00:12:47,212
to cry in their Sauerkraut.

231
00:12:47,280 --> 00:12:52,311
I didn't understand a word you said,

232
00:12:52,379 --> 00:12:55,642
but I heard "nazi bastards,"
and that's good enough for me.

233
00:12:58,674 --> 00:13:01,138
America!

234
00:13:01,205 --> 00:13:04,166
Ame-dee-ca!

235
00:13:04,234 --> 00:13:08,865
Look, there is no damn "d" in "america"!

236
00:13:10,398 --> 00:13:13,696
Say my son's name.

237
00:13:13,764 --> 00:13:15,765
Eric.

238
00:13:19,133 --> 00:13:22,099
Great.

239
00:13:22,166 --> 00:13:24,065
Now...

240
00:13:24,133 --> 00:13:26,132
America.

241
00:13:26,200 --> 00:13:28,698
Ame-dee-ca.

242
00:13:28,765 --> 00:13:32,163
Just forget it.

243
00:13:32,230 --> 00:13:34,329
Just say "united States."

244
00:13:34,397 --> 00:13:38,462
United States...
Of ame-dee-ca.

245
00:13:42,662 --> 00:13:45,662
Guys, I'm really screwed
down at the police academy.

246
00:13:45,729 --> 00:13:47,662
Officer Kennedy told me
he's looking for any reason

247
00:13:47,730 --> 00:13:49,129
to kick me out.

248
00:13:49,196 --> 00:13:51,958
Okay, but did he say anything
about calling my parents?

249
00:13:54,159 --> 00:13:57,091
I was so freaked out
that I completely blew

250
00:13:57,159 --> 00:13:59,024
this exam this morning.

251
00:13:59,092 --> 00:14:00,691
I'm sure you did fine.

252
00:14:00,759 --> 00:14:02,758
Roy, the first question

253
00:14:02,826 --> 00:14:06,022
was "stop in the name of the blank."

254
00:14:06,090 --> 00:14:07,887
And I wrote "love."

255
00:14:07,955 --> 00:14:10,321
God!

256
00:14:11,355 --> 00:14:13,519
I don't care what they say, kelso.

257
00:14:13,587 --> 00:14:17,584
Love is always the right answer.

258
00:14:17,652 --> 00:14:19,584
So you screwed up a test, man.

259
00:14:19,652 --> 00:14:21,086
You know what you have to do.

260
00:14:21,153 --> 00:14:23,851
Yeah, yeah, study more next time.

261
00:14:23,918 --> 00:14:26,550
What are you, Forman?

262
00:14:26,618 --> 00:14:28,984
You gotta break in there
and change the answers.

263
00:14:29,051 --> 00:14:32,482
I can't break in there again.

264
00:14:32,550 --> 00:14:36,216
That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

265
00:14:36,283 --> 00:14:38,548
That's why they'll never expect it, man.

266
00:14:38,616 --> 00:14:41,447
Look, they don't know
you got a friend like me

267
00:14:41,515 --> 00:14:44,914
to talk you into doing something
so fundamentally moronic.

268
00:14:44,982 --> 00:14:48,646
That's true.

269
00:14:48,714 --> 00:14:50,680
You know what? I'm in, too.

270
00:14:50,747 --> 00:14:52,613
I know it's dangerous, but...

271
00:14:52,681 --> 00:14:56,080
I just really like wearing that outfit.

272
00:14:56,147 --> 00:14:58,079
Trust me, it'll work.

273
00:14:58,147 --> 00:15:00,012
How do you think I got through chemistry?

274
00:15:00,080 --> 00:15:02,012
Hey, you told me you
blackmailed the teacher

275
00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:04,345
'cause you caught him
smoking up behind the gym.

276
00:15:04,412 --> 00:15:07,577
Oh, yeah.

277
00:15:07,645 --> 00:15:10,344
How do you think I got through biology?

278
00:15:18,244 --> 00:15:21,076
Fez, relax. You're gonna pass the test.

279
00:15:21,144 --> 00:15:24,209
No, this could be my
last day in the country.

280
00:15:24,276 --> 00:15:26,342
We should probably make love.

281
00:15:26,408 --> 00:15:28,574
What?

282
00:15:28,641 --> 00:15:31,273
Don't worry. It'll be
over before you know it.

283
00:15:31,341 --> 00:15:35,005
So, on the way back from the bathroom,

284
00:15:35,073 --> 00:15:37,271
I got proposed to 3 times.

285
00:15:37,339 --> 00:15:39,803
I must look more gorgeous than usual.

286
00:15:39,870 --> 00:15:42,535
Jackie, the only reason
they want to marry you

287
00:15:42,603 --> 00:15:44,168
is so they can stay in the country.

288
00:15:44,236 --> 00:15:45,868
Jealous.

289
00:15:47,701 --> 00:15:50,833
Okay. Here I go.

290
00:15:53,766 --> 00:15:55,865
I'm here for my test.

291
00:15:55,932 --> 00:15:57,363
Where do I sign in, or should I say,

292
00:15:57,431 --> 00:16:00,661
where do I put my John hancock?

293
00:16:01,995 --> 00:16:05,063
Actually, I will sign my name.

294
00:16:05,130 --> 00:16:06,362
That's just a common expression.

295
00:16:06,430 --> 00:16:07,697
I know so much history,

296
00:16:07,765 --> 00:16:10,230
I just drop it into everyday conversation.

297
00:16:10,298 --> 00:16:11,562
There is no test.

298
00:16:11,630 --> 00:16:14,328
I just need to see that
you are who you say you are

299
00:16:14,395 --> 00:16:16,328
and that you're in the country to be

300
00:16:16,394 --> 00:16:18,060
with your wife Laurie Forman.

301
00:16:18,128 --> 00:16:20,492
No test? So that's it?

302
00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:22,895
I'm truly really a citizen
of this great country?

303
00:16:22,963 --> 00:16:24,897
Just as soon as I stamp this paper.

304
00:16:24,965 --> 00:16:26,200
Oh, this is great.

305
00:16:26,268 --> 00:16:27,699
You and I should go celebrate.

306
00:16:27,767 --> 00:16:29,698
Let's start out with a couple
of drinks and some lovemaking

307
00:16:29,766 --> 00:16:32,131
and see where it goes from there.

308
00:16:33,431 --> 00:16:36,163
I don't date married men.

309
00:16:36,230 --> 00:16:38,695
Well, let's just say that as
soon as I get my green card,

310
00:16:38,763 --> 00:16:40,361
I will be single.

311
00:16:40,428 --> 00:16:44,626
Then you can explore the country of fez.

312
00:16:44,694 --> 00:16:46,625
Hold on. Are you telling me

313
00:16:46,693 --> 00:16:48,625
your marriage is a sham?

314
00:16:48,692 --> 00:16:49,958
I'm telling you

315
00:16:50,026 --> 00:16:52,859
your eyes are like Amber waves of grain.

316
00:16:52,926 --> 00:16:56,593
You do realize I haven't stamped this yet.

317
00:16:58,864 --> 00:17:00,931
Actually, I had not.

318
00:17:03,868 --> 00:17:05,299
Oh, he looks happy.

319
00:17:05,367 --> 00:17:07,733
Yeah, I bet he's doing great. Yeah.

320
00:17:09,168 --> 00:17:10,634
Shouldn't you stamp my paper now?

321
00:17:10,701 --> 00:17:11,700
I don't think so.

322
00:17:11,768 --> 00:17:13,000
In a minute? Nope.

323
00:17:13,068 --> 00:17:14,499
After lunch? Unh-unh.

324
00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:17,799
Would you like me to stamp it?

325
00:17:19,766 --> 00:17:22,164
Red, do you think I'm smart?

326
00:17:22,231 --> 00:17:25,562
Oh, is that what we're gonna
do today, we're gonna fight?

327
00:17:28,232 --> 00:17:30,297
Great news. I got my green card.

328
00:17:30,365 --> 00:17:33,931
I am now officially a yankee doodle dandy.

329
00:17:33,998 --> 00:17:37,029
So you passed the test, huh?

330
00:17:37,097 --> 00:17:38,295
No, there was no test.

331
00:17:38,363 --> 00:17:39,428
No test?

332
00:17:39,496 --> 00:17:43,627
Oh, we're just as bad as Canada.

333
00:17:43,694 --> 00:17:46,026
So, what happened?

334
00:17:46,094 --> 00:17:48,293
Well, you know how sometimes
I come on a little strong

335
00:17:48,361 --> 00:17:49,561
to the ladies?

336
00:17:49,628 --> 00:17:53,228
You can be a little handsy.

337
00:17:53,295 --> 00:17:55,227
It was touch-and-go
for a while,

338
00:17:55,294 --> 00:17:58,093
but eventually, I won the
I.N.S. Lady over with my charm.

339
00:17:58,161 --> 00:18:00,192
More like you cried until she felt bad

340
00:18:00,259 --> 00:18:02,193
and stamped your papers.

341
00:18:02,259 --> 00:18:06,028
Hey, tomato, potato—
it's all the same thing.

342
00:18:07,695 --> 00:18:10,693
Bottom line is I
have cha-dees-ma.

343
00:18:10,761 --> 00:18:12,026
Charisma!

344
00:18:12,094 --> 00:18:14,225
Yes,
cha-dees-ma.

345
00:18:17,459 --> 00:18:20,891
Man, I love these gloves.

346
00:18:20,959 --> 00:18:23,891
I wish there was some
diamond protected by lasers

347
00:18:23,959 --> 00:18:26,024
I could steal.

348
00:18:26,092 --> 00:18:27,523
Okay, I'm almost done.

349
00:18:27,591 --> 00:18:31,123
I just gotta think of
one more misdemeanor.

350
00:18:31,191 --> 00:18:34,156
Oh, breaking into the police academy.

351
00:18:34,223 --> 00:18:36,822
All right, come on. Let's go.

352
00:18:41,387 --> 00:18:44,219
How do you keep finding us?

353
00:18:45,486 --> 00:18:48,985
I'm wearing all black!

354
00:18:49,053 --> 00:18:51,785
I sleep right next door.

355
00:18:51,852 --> 00:18:53,318
What's the problem, trouble with the wife?

356
00:18:53,385 --> 00:18:54,551
Shut up.

357
00:18:55,552 --> 00:18:58,250
That's it. You're outta here.

358
00:18:58,318 --> 00:19:00,051
Wait. I can explain.

359
00:19:00,119 --> 00:19:04,317
Okay, this whole thing
started because I just...

360
00:19:04,385 --> 00:19:06,417
I can't be the stooge.

361
00:19:06,485 --> 00:19:09,018
Okay? I'm gonna be a dad soon,

362
00:19:09,086 --> 00:19:11,018
and no kid is gonna look up to his dad

363
00:19:11,085 --> 00:19:12,984
if his dad is the stooge.

364
00:19:13,052 --> 00:19:15,151
Well, unless the kid's a stooge,

365
00:19:15,218 --> 00:19:18,217
in which case I wouldn't love him anyway.

366
00:19:20,352 --> 00:19:22,284
You're gonna be a father?

367
00:19:22,351 --> 00:19:24,517
Who would breed with you?

368
00:19:25,985 --> 00:19:29,784
One night stand, both a little drunk.

369
00:19:29,852 --> 00:19:32,951
Look, I know I messed up.

370
00:19:33,019 --> 00:19:37,618
But can't you just... maybe...

371
00:19:37,685 --> 00:19:39,618
Give me one more chance?

372
00:19:39,685 --> 00:19:42,117
All right. Since you're gonna be a father,

373
00:19:42,184 --> 00:19:44,113
I'm gonna let what happened here slide.

374
00:19:44,179 --> 00:19:46,108
But just so you don't do this again,

375
00:19:46,174 --> 00:19:49,101
I'm gonna let you in on a little secret.

376
00:19:49,168 --> 00:19:50,799
There is no stooge.

377
00:19:50,866 --> 00:19:52,765
What?

378
00:19:52,833 --> 00:19:54,798
That's just a rumor we started

379
00:19:54,865 --> 00:19:56,798
to get the cadets to work harder.

380
00:19:56,866 --> 00:20:00,099
Also... there's no alligator in the lake.

381
00:20:03,699 --> 00:20:05,898
Wait, wait, wait. If there's no stooge,

382
00:20:05,966 --> 00:20:07,397
then how come our friend Roy told us

383
00:20:07,465 --> 00:20:09,897
he got kicked out of the
academy for being a stooge?

384
00:20:09,965 --> 00:20:12,296
Roy keene?

385
00:20:12,364 --> 00:20:14,663
He didn't get kicked
out for being a stooge.

386
00:20:14,731 --> 00:20:18,395
He got kicked out for
shooting the police horse.

387
00:20:18,463 --> 00:20:20,529
Look, cadet, all you have to do

388
00:20:20,596 --> 00:20:22,495
is work hard and you'll be fine.

389
00:20:22,563 --> 00:20:25,429
Now you clean up this
mess and get outta here.

390
00:20:31,863 --> 00:20:36,493
Well, I think we all learned
an important lesson here.

391
00:20:36,561 --> 00:20:37,560
If you're in trouble

392
00:20:37,627 --> 00:20:39,392
and your back's up against the wall,

393
00:20:39,460 --> 00:20:41,892
just tell 'em you got a kid.

394
00:20:44,425 --> 00:20:48,091
People are suckers for a baby.

395
00:20:48,158 --> 00:20:50,391
That is a valuable lesson.

396
00:20:50,459 --> 00:20:53,324
I think we should all reflect on that...

397
00:20:53,392 --> 00:20:56,123
In the k-9 training room.

398
00:20:56,191 --> 00:20:57,323
I call shock caller.

399
00:20:57,391 --> 00:20:58,590
I call buttons.

400
00:21:03,635 --> 00:21:04,901
Okay, miss smarty-pants.

401
00:21:04,968 --> 00:21:07,366
How about... ooh.

402
00:21:07,433 --> 00:21:08,899
Where was the famous tea party?

403
00:21:09,965 --> 00:21:10,897
Boston.

404
00:21:10,965 --> 00:21:12,030
Nope.

405
00:21:12,097 --> 00:21:14,033
What?

406
00:21:14,100 --> 00:21:16,370
Got it wrong. Sorry.

407
00:21:16,438 --> 00:21:19,744
It's the Boston tea party.

408
00:21:19,812 --> 00:21:24,344
No. It says right here it's
" the Boston tea party."

409
00:21:25,311 --> 00:21:26,744
Oh.

410
00:21:26,812 --> 00:21:28,411
Huh.

411
00:21:28,478 --> 00:21:30,845
I'm gonna have a long island tea party.

412
00:21:30,912 --> 00:21:33,578
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