1
00:00:06,790 --> 00:00:08,909
Hey, guys, this is my co-cadet

2
00:00:08,977 --> 00:00:11,667
at the police academy, Suzy Simpson.

3
00:00:11,734 --> 00:00:13,419
Simpson, these are my friends.

4
00:00:13,487 --> 00:00:15,241
Take a good look, 'cause you'll probably

5
00:00:15,308 --> 00:00:17,795
be arresting some of them in the future.

6
00:00:17,862 --> 00:00:20,422
You're right. This one looks like the guy

7
00:00:20,490 --> 00:00:23,350
in the "What drugs can
do to you" filmstrip.

8
00:00:26,445 --> 00:00:28,607
You're a cop, huh?

9
00:00:28,675 --> 00:00:31,602
You don't look like a cop.
You look kind of giggly.

10
00:00:32,168 --> 00:00:35,097
All right, Simpson needed
to give me a ride home,

11
00:00:35,165 --> 00:00:37,095
'cause I sprayed myself with mace

12
00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:39,958
to see what it'd feel like.

13
00:00:40,025 --> 00:00:40,523
Hey, so, Suzy,

14
00:00:40,524 --> 00:00:42,389
which "Charlie's Angels"
is your favorite...

15
00:00:42,457 --> 00:00:44,619
The brainy one, the sporty one

16
00:00:44,687 --> 00:00:47,049
or the one that just can't find a bra?

17
00:00:47,117 --> 00:00:50,380
Mine's the one that just can't find a bra.

18
00:00:50,448 --> 00:00:53,227
"Charlie's Angels" are an
embarrassment to the badge.

19
00:00:53,228 --> 00:00:55,857
No real cop would last a
day dressed like those sluts.

20
00:00:56,924 --> 00:01:00,254
Hey, those sluts are my heroes.

21
00:01:02,320 --> 00:01:04,784
Hey, thanks for giving me a ride, Simpson.

22
00:01:04,851 --> 00:01:06,317
We back up our own.

23
00:01:06,318 --> 00:01:08,612
Point place police,
crime free, safe streets!

24
00:01:11,144 --> 00:01:13,107
What's her problem
with "charlie's angels"?

25
00:01:13,175 --> 00:01:15,405
Ugh, I bet she watches pbs.

26
00:01:17,520 --> 00:01:18,687
So you and Simpson have been friends

27
00:01:18,755 --> 00:01:20,918
for almost two days now, huh?

28
00:01:20,986 --> 00:01:23,317
Isn't it about time you got her pregnant?

29
00:01:25,950 --> 00:01:27,948
No. It's different with me and Simpson.

30
00:01:28,016 --> 00:01:29,681
For the first time ever,

31
00:01:29,748 --> 00:01:31,679
I have a girl that's just a friend.

32
00:01:31,747 --> 00:01:33,810
Like, when Simpson
talks, I actually listen

33
00:01:33,877 --> 00:01:36,073
instead of watching her
boobs go up and down.

34
00:01:36,441 --> 00:01:39,371
Kelso, you've finally
gotten past the stage

35
00:01:39,439 --> 00:01:41,370
where you have to look
at every woman's chest.

36
00:01:41,437 --> 00:01:42,503
Congratulations.

37
00:01:42,570 --> 00:01:46,434
Not exactly. I'm lookin'
at yours right now.

38
00:01:46,502 --> 00:01:48,466
May I say, congratulations to you.

39
00:01:50,532 --> 00:01:51,698
You're such a perv.

40
00:01:51,716 --> 00:01:52,913
And thank you.

41
00:01:55,579 --> 00:01:57,210
Oh, hey.

42
00:01:57,211 --> 00:01:59,376
What took you guys so
long at the heart doctor's?

43
00:01:59,544 --> 00:02:01,842
Oh, let me guess. You had
to call in a specialist

44
00:02:01,843 --> 00:02:03,841
just to find dad's tiny heart.

45
00:02:04,309 --> 00:02:06,240
You know, we could call in a specialist

46
00:02:06,308 --> 00:02:08,706
to find my foot in your ass.

47
00:02:10,640 --> 00:02:13,770
We're gonna need an
ass-footologist, stat.

48
00:02:15,437 --> 00:02:17,901
Your father's blood
pressure is still high,

49
00:02:17,967 --> 00:02:20,832
and the doctor can't figure out why.

50
00:02:20,900 --> 00:02:22,865
So he wants to send some moron over

51
00:02:22,932 --> 00:02:24,897
to find the source of my stress.

52
00:02:24,965 --> 00:02:27,364
And I said, "the source of my stress

53
00:02:27,431 --> 00:02:29,530
"is when you quacks try
to pad my medical bill."

54
00:02:29,598 --> 00:02:32,029
And then the machine went "beep"
and the appointment was over.

55
00:02:32,030 --> 00:02:34,628
You know, I don't know what
you're so worried about.

56
00:02:34,696 --> 00:02:36,294
They're just gonna blame me.

57
00:02:36,362 --> 00:02:37,926
Shrinks love to blame the wife.

58
00:02:37,994 --> 00:02:39,826
What do they know? They're barely doctors.

59
00:02:39,893 --> 00:02:41,726
A stuffed animal and a box of tissues

60
00:02:41,792 --> 00:02:43,525
could do their job.

61
00:02:43,995 --> 00:02:46,140
Why is Red so stressed?

62
00:02:46,711 --> 00:02:47,114
Huh,

63
00:02:47,651 --> 00:02:48,624
it's a mystery,

64
00:02:48,625 --> 00:02:53,427
just like when Nancy Drew had to figure out why
the man in the clock tower was so mean to his cat.

65
00:02:55,356 --> 00:02:56,312
And what did you found out?

66
00:02:56,314 --> 00:02:57,914
Oh, I don't know, books are too long.

67
00:03:29,298 --> 00:03:33,328
Hello, Wisconsin!

68
00:03:41,972 --> 00:03:45,404
Hi, I'm the stress management
specialist, Stuart...

69
00:03:45,472 --> 00:03:48,337
Sutcliffe. You played
tight end for the packers.

70
00:03:48,404 --> 00:03:50,637
Yeah, till I bent my knee sideways.

71
00:03:50,703 --> 00:03:53,269
Actually, that happened to
me in the school musical.

72
00:03:54,386 --> 00:03:56,218
Yeah, I was a dancing mushroom.

73
00:03:56,219 --> 00:03:59,684
Anyway, long story short...

74
00:04:01,818 --> 00:04:03,651
I finished the number.

75
00:04:05,251 --> 00:04:07,849
This is my son Eric.

76
00:04:07,917 --> 00:04:09,316
Oh, oh,

77
00:04:09,384 --> 00:04:13,082
and I am his loving, relaxing wife, kitty.

78
00:04:13,150 --> 00:04:15,015
How about that?

79
00:04:15,082 --> 00:04:17,415
A real live packer in the house.

80
00:04:17,483 --> 00:04:19,281
Ha ha ha ha.

81
00:04:19,349 --> 00:04:22,214
Well, I hope the fact
that you both love sports

82
00:04:22,282 --> 00:04:24,780
doesn't mean that anyone like,

83
00:04:24,848 --> 00:04:27,713
say, his wife would be judged unfairly.

84
00:04:27,781 --> 00:04:29,013
I mean, I love sports.

85
00:04:29,081 --> 00:04:32,779
So don't start me off with four strikes

86
00:04:32,846 --> 00:04:35,911
in the last quarter of the super series.

87
00:04:36,978 --> 00:04:39,410
No, no. Today I'm just a neutral observer

88
00:04:39,478 --> 00:04:41,710
with a degree in family
therapy and alcohol awareness.

89
00:04:41,711 --> 00:04:44,844
Oh, so, dad, you can
talk to him about sports,

90
00:04:44,911 --> 00:04:46,843
and, mom, you can talk
to him about drinking.

91
00:04:46,911 --> 00:04:48,876
Ha ha ha ha ha.

92
00:04:48,944 --> 00:04:51,543
Oh, pooh. I was instructed by the doctor

93
00:04:51,561 --> 00:04:53,691
to have the occasional medicinal cocktail.

94
00:04:53,759 --> 00:04:56,891
I have a note.

95
00:04:56,959 --> 00:05:00,425
Red, how do you feel
about kitty's drinking?

96
00:05:00,492 --> 00:05:04,290
Makes things easier.

97
00:05:04,358 --> 00:05:06,656
But drinking often adds a
lot of stress to a household.

98
00:05:06,724 --> 00:05:09,223
If you will excuse me,
I'd rather not stay here

99
00:05:09,290 --> 00:05:12,189
and listen to you blame me.

100
00:05:12,256 --> 00:05:14,422
Mother hater.

101
00:05:15,755 --> 00:05:17,686
Well, I hope nobody minds

102
00:05:17,754 --> 00:05:20,353
if I record today's session.

103
00:05:20,421 --> 00:05:22,286
Hey, this is your lucky day, son.

104
00:05:22,354 --> 00:05:24,187
They say the camera adds 15 pounds.

105
00:05:25,254 --> 00:05:27,286
Really?

106
00:05:27,353 --> 00:05:30,552
I heard it also adds a full head of hair.

107
00:05:36,569 --> 00:05:38,534
Hey, kitty. You busy?

108
00:05:38,601 --> 00:05:39,899
No.

109
00:05:39,966 --> 00:05:42,333
Red and I are just having
our marriage dissected

110
00:05:42,401 --> 00:05:44,298
by a teetotaling
know-it-all.

111
00:05:45,864 --> 00:05:47,696
Oh, then is now a good time

112
00:05:47,864 --> 00:05:51,096
to tell red I broke his chain saw?

113
00:05:51,164 --> 00:05:52,596
No. He'll be furious with you.

114
00:05:52,597 --> 00:05:56,829
Yes. He will be furious with you.

115
00:05:57,995 --> 00:05:59,561
Come with me.

116
00:05:59,562 --> 00:06:03,495
So then all the mushrooms jitterbugged...

117
00:06:06,262 --> 00:06:09,360
Stuart. Stuart.

118
00:06:09,428 --> 00:06:11,460
This is Bob, the stress causer,

119
00:06:11,528 --> 00:06:13,925
Bob broke red's chain saw.

120
00:06:13,993 --> 00:06:17,958
Bob, meet Stuart. Stuart, blame Bob.

121
00:06:18,025 --> 00:06:19,991
Red, how do you feel about Bob?

122
00:06:20,025 --> 00:06:21,391
Does he cause you stress?

123
00:06:21,458 --> 00:06:24,357
Not really. Bob's just kind
of goofy, like a cartoon.

124
00:06:25,123 --> 00:06:28,188
It's like living next to Elmer Fudd.

125
00:06:28,855 --> 00:06:30,787
That might be the nicest thing

126
00:06:30,855 --> 00:06:32,622
you've ever said about me.

127
00:06:32,623 --> 00:06:36,120
You wascal. Heh heh heh heh.

128
00:06:36,488 --> 00:06:38,652
Oh, so fine.

129
00:06:38,720 --> 00:06:40,352
Now you're best friends.

130
00:06:40,419 --> 00:06:43,454
Now everyone's all happy,
and I look like the crazy one

131
00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:46,786
just yelling and screaming in
the middle of the living room.

132
00:06:46,853 --> 00:06:48,685
Well, I am not the crazy one,

133
00:06:48,753 --> 00:06:50,684
even though I am yelling and screaming

134
00:06:50,752 --> 00:06:52,684
in the middle of the living room.

135
00:06:52,752 --> 00:06:54,717
Is that a camera?

136
00:06:54,785 --> 00:06:55,851
Yes.

137
00:06:55,918 --> 00:06:58,117
I'm recording today's session.

138
00:06:58,185 --> 00:07:00,884
Well, isn't that just
something I didn't know.

139
00:07:01,951 --> 00:07:04,548
?

140
00:07:04,616 --> 00:07:09,049
Michael, we got issued our cop sunglasses.

141
00:07:09,117 --> 00:07:10,548
I've been using 'em

142
00:07:10,616 --> 00:07:13,179
to scare the crap out
of civilians all day.

143
00:07:13,247 --> 00:07:15,845
Drop the records, punk!

144
00:07:15,913 --> 00:07:18,545
I wasn't stealing them.

145
00:07:18,612 --> 00:07:20,845
Yes, I was.

146
00:07:23,011 --> 00:07:24,676
Fez, this is Suzy Simpson.

147
00:07:24,694 --> 00:07:26,661
She and I are training to be cops.

148
00:07:26,669 --> 00:07:27,937
Oh, if there's more like
you at the police academy,

149
00:07:28,105 --> 00:07:30,404
that academy deserves an award.

150
00:07:30,470 --> 00:07:32,603
Academy award... that's funny.

151
00:07:34,471 --> 00:07:38,140
Yeah, Simpson's wanted to
be a cop for, like, forever.

152
00:07:38,207 --> 00:07:40,672
Yeah, it's because of the weapons mostly.

153
00:07:40,740 --> 00:07:42,672
I love things that make a lot of noise...

154
00:07:42,740 --> 00:07:45,139
Guns and boys.

155
00:07:45,207 --> 00:07:47,172
Well, then load me up, baby,

156
00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:49,538
cause I'm ready to go bang.

157
00:07:52,340 --> 00:07:55,338
Well, I'd better go. I've
gotta stop at the candy store.

158
00:07:55,406 --> 00:07:58,103
Wait. You like candy?

159
00:07:58,171 --> 00:08:00,769
Yeah, I'm out of good & plenty.

160
00:08:00,837 --> 00:08:02,636
It says on the box that there's plenty...

161
00:08:02,637 --> 00:08:03,903
But it's never enough.

162
00:08:03,971 --> 00:08:06,602
Jinx. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. You owe me a coke!

163
00:08:11,033 --> 00:08:14,598
That is the woman I've been
searching for my whole life!

164
00:08:16,232 --> 00:08:18,164
Hey, do you want me to
see if she likes you?

165
00:08:18,232 --> 00:08:19,763
Kelso, we've been down that road.

166
00:08:19,831 --> 00:08:21,629
Just give me her address, some binoculars,

167
00:08:21,697 --> 00:08:23,462
and I'll handle the rest myself.

168
00:08:26,563 --> 00:08:27,996
Now while we're filming,

169
00:08:28,064 --> 00:08:31,795
let's just pretend the
camera's not even here.

170
00:08:34,695 --> 00:08:37,161
Now you're going to interact.

171
00:08:37,229 --> 00:08:39,060
I'm gonna write down my observations.

172
00:08:39,128 --> 00:08:41,160
While you're writing down stuff,

173
00:08:41,228 --> 00:08:43,159
would you mind autographing this football?

174
00:08:43,227 --> 00:08:45,625
It's brand-new. Kid never touched it.

175
00:08:47,859 --> 00:08:49,557
Hey, what's going on?

176
00:08:49,625 --> 00:08:51,757
Dude, we're on tv.

177
00:08:51,825 --> 00:08:54,124
How does this thing work?

178
00:08:54,192 --> 00:08:57,457
Hey, Steven, point it at me.

179
00:08:57,525 --> 00:08:59,857
Good morning, Dallas.

180
00:08:59,924 --> 00:09:03,323
I'm Jackie sunshine with
your morning weather.

181
00:09:03,390 --> 00:09:05,323
It is going to be sunny today.

182
00:09:05,390 --> 00:09:07,622
So you ladies who let
yourself go this winter,

183
00:09:07,690 --> 00:09:09,189
stay inside

184
00:09:09,257 --> 00:09:11,689
and leave the fellas to us pretty girls.

185
00:09:11,757 --> 00:09:13,955
Please stop touching my camera.

186
00:09:16,156 --> 00:09:18,855
Well, what a lovy day here

187
00:09:18,923 --> 00:09:21,021
in the household of the Formans.

188
00:09:21,089 --> 00:09:23,221
I can't say there's a place I'd rather be

189
00:09:23,289 --> 00:09:25,354
than with these kinds of people

190
00:09:25,422 --> 00:09:27,354
in this kind of place.

191
00:09:27,422 --> 00:09:29,354
What are you, Scarlett O'Hara now?

192
00:09:29,421 --> 00:09:31,353
I am being soft and gracious.

193
00:09:31,421 --> 00:09:33,188
Now clam it!

194
00:09:33,255 --> 00:09:36,921
Mom, you know, they have talkies now.

195
00:09:37,989 --> 00:09:40,321
Oh, forget it. I give up.

196
00:09:40,388 --> 00:09:42,288
Where is the "off" button on this thing?

197
00:09:42,355 --> 00:09:45,154
Mrs. Forman, I need to
see things as they happen!

198
00:09:47,388 --> 00:09:49,554
All right, you clocked this lady

199
00:09:49,621 --> 00:09:52,253
doin' 38 in a 35 zone.

200
00:09:52,320 --> 00:09:54,253
Recite it and write it.

201
00:09:54,320 --> 00:09:58,484
License and registration, ma'am.

202
00:09:58,552 --> 00:10:01,349
Use the glasses. They're powerful.

203
00:10:01,417 --> 00:10:03,648
It's like a gun you wear on your face.

204
00:10:05,413 --> 00:10:08,479
License and registration, ma'am.

205
00:10:08,546 --> 00:10:09,979
Ooh, that felt good.

206
00:10:10,047 --> 00:10:12,645
Hey, guess what.

207
00:10:12,713 --> 00:10:15,246
I know someone who likes you

208
00:10:15,312 --> 00:10:17,811
and thinks that you're
cute and smart and funny.

209
00:10:17,879 --> 00:10:20,844
Ah. Well, I think I know
who you're talking about,

210
00:10:20,912 --> 00:10:22,510
and I like him, too.

211
00:10:22,578 --> 00:10:24,610
Huh? What do you like about him?

212
00:10:24,678 --> 00:10:27,077
I like how hot he looks
sitting across from me

213
00:10:27,144 --> 00:10:30,042
I n a blue t-shirt eating a hot dog.

214
00:10:30,110 --> 00:10:34,108
You just described me.

215
00:10:36,842 --> 00:10:39,008
Oh, crap.

216
00:10:48,496 --> 00:10:50,420
Man, I thought Simpson was different.

217
00:10:50,421 --> 00:10:52,419
She's supposed to just be my buddy.

218
00:10:52,486 --> 00:10:55,751
Now I'm gonna have to sleep with her.

219
00:10:55,819 --> 00:10:58,351
No, Michael, no. Set her up with fez.

220
00:10:58,418 --> 00:11:00,417
He's the one who likes her.

221
00:11:00,418 --> 00:11:01,851
Fez needs something, man.

222
00:11:01,918 --> 00:11:03,850
Guy's so desperate,
he's been rubbing himself

223
00:11:03,918 --> 00:11:05,716
around on the couch like a cat.

224
00:11:05,784 --> 00:11:08,149
What you need to do

225
00:11:08,217 --> 00:11:10,315
is put 'em together in
a romantic situation.

226
00:11:10,382 --> 00:11:12,315
Suzy might not like fez at first,

227
00:11:12,382 --> 00:11:14,049
but he won't take "no" for an answer.

228
00:11:14,117 --> 00:11:16,781
He's like one freaky, horny little dude.

229
00:11:16,849 --> 00:11:20,082
Just ask the couch.

230
00:11:21,482 --> 00:11:23,549
Hey, I was thinking maybe tomorrow

231
00:11:23,617 --> 00:11:25,648
you could help me brush
up on my target practice.

232
00:11:25,716 --> 00:11:27,415
It's a date.

233
00:11:27,483 --> 00:11:29,914
Yeah, I'll be there. You'll be there.

234
00:11:29,982 --> 00:11:31,414
On a date.

235
00:11:31,481 --> 00:11:33,446
So I'll see you at the shooting range.

236
00:11:33,514 --> 00:11:35,080
For our date.

237
00:11:36,546 --> 00:11:38,311
Your first date with Suzy's all set up,

238
00:11:38,379 --> 00:11:41,079
and she told me that
she's crazy about you.

239
00:11:41,146 --> 00:11:43,079
Well, I'd like to say I'm surprised,

240
00:11:43,146 --> 00:11:45,844
but I'm a little crazy about me, too.

241
00:11:47,045 --> 00:11:48,578
Well, it's all set.

242
00:11:48,645 --> 00:11:49,779
Fez is going on a date with Suzy,

243
00:11:49,798 --> 00:11:51,230
who's going on a date with me

244
00:11:51,243 --> 00:11:52,876
and doesn't know she's
going on a date with fez.

245
00:11:53,243 --> 00:11:54,925
I'm ready for our date, Michael.

246
00:11:54,926 --> 00:11:57,456
I'm ready for our date, Suzy.

247
00:11:58,023 --> 00:12:01,488
Oh, yeah!

248
00:12:01,556 --> 00:12:04,055
?

249
00:12:04,123 --> 00:12:06,987
it's such a shame you won't
be able to film anymore.

250
00:12:08,487 --> 00:12:11,920
Look, there's one last
exercise I want to try...

251
00:12:11,988 --> 00:12:13,519
Role-playing.

252
00:12:13,587 --> 00:12:15,452
All right, come on.

253
00:12:15,519 --> 00:12:18,218
All right, now you're going to be Eric.

254
00:12:18,286 --> 00:12:20,286
Eric, you're going to be your father.

255
00:12:20,354 --> 00:12:23,920
Mr. Forman, you can start.

256
00:12:26,219 --> 00:12:28,651
Well...

257
00:12:28,719 --> 00:12:31,917
I'm just a skinny...

258
00:12:31,984 --> 00:12:34,482
Smart-mouthed kid

259
00:12:34,550 --> 00:12:38,748
who always has something
to say about everything.

260
00:12:38,816 --> 00:12:42,114
And I wish I was an octopus.

261
00:12:43,614 --> 00:12:46,546
So I could put eight feet
in eight different asses.

262
00:12:49,780 --> 00:12:52,079
"Star wars."Star wars."

263
00:12:52,146 --> 00:12:53,345
"Star wars"!

264
00:12:53,412 --> 00:12:56,212
Dead commies! Dead commies! Dead commies!

265
00:12:56,279 --> 00:12:59,144
All right, hold it. Time out. Time out.

266
00:12:59,212 --> 00:13:01,744
I think I know what the problem is.

267
00:13:01,812 --> 00:13:05,043
All right, fine. I drink a little.

268
00:13:07,676 --> 00:13:08,675
What?

269
00:13:08,743 --> 00:13:11,008
I have a very difficult job,

270
00:13:11,076 --> 00:13:14,373
and I come home at night, and, well...

271
00:13:14,441 --> 00:13:16,974
Drinks are her nightly reward.

272
00:13:17,042 --> 00:13:21,076
Mrs. Forman, I believe the source

273
00:13:21,143 --> 00:13:22,844
of your husband's stress is...

274
00:13:22,912 --> 00:13:24,777
Oh, here it comes.

275
00:13:24,845 --> 00:13:26,776
Your son!

276
00:13:26,777 --> 00:13:28,577
Him? Me?

277
00:13:28,644 --> 00:13:32,276
It's not me? Oh, boy!

278
00:13:34,244 --> 00:13:37,946
You think my problem is my own son?

279
00:13:38,014 --> 00:13:41,580
My son is a fine young man.

280
00:13:41,647 --> 00:13:43,580
Oh, dad, you don't have...

281
00:13:43,648 --> 00:13:45,913
Shut up, dumb-ass.

282
00:13:49,080 --> 00:13:51,813
You know less about my family
than you do about football,

283
00:13:51,881 --> 00:13:53,613
which isn't saying much

284
00:13:53,681 --> 00:13:56,447
since you dropped every
pass that came near you.

285
00:13:56,514 --> 00:13:59,180
And let me tell you something else...

286
00:13:59,248 --> 00:14:01,714
When a real packer hurts his leg,

287
00:14:01,782 --> 00:14:06,081
he stuffs his kneecap back
in and keeps on running!

288
00:14:07,482 --> 00:14:12,016
That's what this little
mushroom would have done.

289
00:14:12,083 --> 00:14:17,947
?

290
00:14:19,015 --> 00:14:21,344
I love this place...

291
00:14:21,412 --> 00:14:23,844
The sweet smell of gunpowder,

292
00:14:23,911 --> 00:14:27,546
the deafening boom of shotgun blasts.

293
00:14:27,614 --> 00:14:30,345
Oops, that kind of
talk is more appropriate

294
00:14:30,412 --> 00:14:32,010
for the bedroom. I apologize.

295
00:14:33,343 --> 00:14:35,510
Knock. Knock.

296
00:14:37,012 --> 00:14:39,377
Who's there? Ivan. Ivan who?

297
00:14:39,445 --> 00:14:41,944
I've an awful lot of
candy for the both of us.

298
00:14:43,277 --> 00:14:44,610
Fez?

299
00:14:44,678 --> 00:14:45,976
Well, if it's not me,

300
00:14:46,043 --> 00:14:49,343
then there's some lucky
bastard who looks just like me.

301
00:14:50,778 --> 00:14:53,377
Michael, I thought it
was just gonna be you, me,

302
00:14:53,445 --> 00:14:55,443
and a box of hot lead.

303
00:14:55,511 --> 00:14:56,942
Well, it's even better.

304
00:14:57,009 --> 00:15:00,340
It's you, me, and a box of hot fez.

305
00:15:02,140 --> 00:15:05,105
Kelso, this wasn't part of the deal.

306
00:15:05,173 --> 00:15:07,405
What wasn't part of the deal?

307
00:15:07,473 --> 00:15:09,571
You! So beat it.

308
00:15:09,639 --> 00:15:12,037
I want her to smell nothing but me.

309
00:15:12,105 --> 00:15:15,437
Okay, you know what?
I'm kind of in the way.

310
00:15:15,505 --> 00:15:16,938
I'm gonna go next door,

311
00:15:17,004 --> 00:15:19,036
and maybe you can show fez how to shoot.

312
00:15:19,104 --> 00:15:22,970
Try to close the deal before
she realizes you're a foreigner.

313
00:15:25,604 --> 00:15:27,936
So where do we start?

314
00:15:28,003 --> 00:15:29,936
I could rifle through the manual,

315
00:15:30,002 --> 00:15:32,902
but why don't you just
give me the bullet points?

316
00:15:32,970 --> 00:15:37,768
Fez, I never joke about guns.

317
00:15:37,836 --> 00:15:41,467
Oh... Shoot.

318
00:15:43,335 --> 00:15:46,101
I have no discipline.

319
00:15:46,168 --> 00:15:47,901
Okay.

320
00:15:47,968 --> 00:15:51,033
You're gonna just take aim

321
00:15:51,101 --> 00:15:54,131
and squeeze gently.

322
00:15:55,299 --> 00:15:57,499
Squeebee-geegee.

323
00:16:00,931 --> 00:16:03,396
Here. Put these on and take a few shots.

324
00:16:03,464 --> 00:16:05,930
I'm just gonna go check on Michael.

325
00:16:05,996 --> 00:16:07,229
So he's not alone.

326
00:16:07,296 --> 00:16:09,295
Cologne?

327
00:16:09,363 --> 00:16:12,427
Oh, yeah, I mixed a
bunch of different ones,

328
00:16:12,495 --> 00:16:14,527
and, you know, I make my own scent.

329
00:16:20,060 --> 00:16:23,026
Hey, Michael. Do you want
me to hold your shoulders

330
00:16:23,093 --> 00:16:27,258
while you shoot or maybe
square off your thighs?

331
00:16:29,459 --> 00:16:32,491
You know whose thighs need squaring off?

332
00:16:32,559 --> 00:16:34,024
Fez's.

333
00:16:34,092 --> 00:16:35,257
Yeah, bad.

334
00:16:35,325 --> 00:16:37,557
Oh, and by the way,

335
00:16:37,625 --> 00:16:39,623
he also told me that he
thinks you're really nice.

336
00:16:39,691 --> 00:16:42,023
Oh, well, he's nice, too.

337
00:16:42,091 --> 00:16:44,156
And now that I can understand
some of what he's saying,

338
00:16:44,224 --> 00:16:46,323
he's kind of charming.

339
00:16:47,624 --> 00:16:50,222
Oh, look, a rabbit.

340
00:16:50,290 --> 00:16:52,522
I love animals.

341
00:16:52,590 --> 00:16:55,754
You know who really loves animals?

342
00:16:55,822 --> 00:16:56,919
Fez.

343
00:16:56,987 --> 00:16:58,019
He does? Yeah.

344
00:16:59,253 --> 00:17:02,252
The bunny!

345
00:17:08,820 --> 00:17:11,118
I got dinner!

346
00:17:12,586 --> 00:17:14,786
?

347
00:17:14,854 --> 00:17:18,386
and then my dad actually
gave me a compliment...

348
00:17:18,453 --> 00:17:20,985
"My son's a fine young man."

349
00:17:26,354 --> 00:17:28,620
That's like the most
loving thing he said to me

350
00:17:28,688 --> 00:17:32,019
since he told me that I could be worse.

351
00:17:33,653 --> 00:17:36,818
Are you sure red was talking about you?

352
00:17:36,885 --> 00:17:38,551
I mean, I love you,

353
00:17:38,619 --> 00:17:41,784
but you are a little high-maintenance.

354
00:17:41,851 --> 00:17:45,183
And not in a good way like me.

355
00:17:46,417 --> 00:17:48,349
Remember when it took red all summer

356
00:17:48,417 --> 00:17:50,382
to teach you how to catch a ball

357
00:17:50,450 --> 00:17:51,981
'cause you were too scared of it?

358
00:17:52,048 --> 00:17:54,614
First, red had him look
at a picture of a ball.

359
00:17:54,681 --> 00:17:57,279
Then he put him in a room with a ball.

360
00:17:57,347 --> 00:17:59,878
And then he moves him closer
until he wasn't screaming

361
00:17:59,945 --> 00:18:02,110
being right next to the ball.

362
00:18:03,144 --> 00:18:05,142
What is so scary about a ball?

363
00:18:05,210 --> 00:18:08,342
People throw it right at you, okay?

364
00:18:10,409 --> 00:18:13,675
I'm sorry about what I
did to that poor bunny.

365
00:18:15,743 --> 00:18:18,742
I guess my gun really
had a hare trigger, huh?

366
00:18:19,943 --> 00:18:22,376
Too soon? Yes, too soon.

367
00:18:23,543 --> 00:18:26,408
Well, I apologize for
ruining our first date.

368
00:18:26,476 --> 00:18:28,475
Our first date?

369
00:18:28,542 --> 00:18:30,643
No, I was there on a date with Michael.

370
00:18:30,711 --> 00:18:32,778
What? No, no, he told
me we were on a date.

371
00:18:32,844 --> 00:18:35,243
He told me we were on a date.

372
00:18:35,311 --> 00:18:38,242
You and me "we" or he and you "we"?

373
00:18:38,310 --> 00:18:41,309
I think one of us has been lied to

374
00:18:41,376 --> 00:18:43,841
and the other one, too.

375
00:18:43,909 --> 00:18:45,840
Well, then you should be very angry,

376
00:18:45,908 --> 00:18:49,872
which means I am, too!

377
00:18:49,939 --> 00:18:53,272
Hey, why don't you two kiss and make up?

378
00:18:53,339 --> 00:18:55,640
Michael, what kind of
game are you playing,

379
00:18:55,708 --> 00:18:57,806
inviting me on a date
that wasn't with you?

380
00:18:57,874 --> 00:19:01,839
Yeah, I second that, but about her.

381
00:19:01,906 --> 00:19:05,473
And add, "you son of bitch."

382
00:19:07,806 --> 00:19:10,605
Okay, look, I have a really
good explanation for this,

383
00:19:10,672 --> 00:19:12,837
but I left it at home.

384
00:19:16,138 --> 00:19:18,137
Oh, dad.

385
00:19:18,204 --> 00:19:20,437
Uh, about what you said to
the stress management guy...

386
00:19:20,504 --> 00:19:22,436
I just wanted to say thanks.

387
00:19:22,503 --> 00:19:24,069
Okay. Okay.

388
00:19:24,136 --> 00:19:26,068
You said it. We're both embarrassed.

389
00:19:26,136 --> 00:19:28,101
Now move along.

390
00:19:28,169 --> 00:19:30,201
No, I mean...

391
00:19:30,269 --> 00:19:32,201
Look, I could be a little
less of a smart-ass.

392
00:19:32,269 --> 00:19:36,666
And you're my father.
Your life matters to me.

393
00:19:36,733 --> 00:19:38,365
So anyway, dad, I...

394
00:19:38,433 --> 00:19:40,598
Eric, if you say, "I love you,"

395
00:19:40,666 --> 00:19:42,863
my heart is going to explode.

396
00:19:44,698 --> 00:19:48,529
Ah, kitty, uh, what's for dinner?

397
00:19:48,597 --> 00:19:50,095
Well, the camera's off,

398
00:19:50,163 --> 00:19:53,530
so I'm having a Margarita with salt.

399
00:19:53,597 --> 00:19:56,465
You two are on your own.

400
00:20:02,667 --> 00:20:05,666
Kelso...

401
00:20:05,733 --> 00:20:08,399
So this is where you go after a hard day

402
00:20:08,467 --> 00:20:10,698
of screwing me over!

403
00:20:12,066 --> 00:20:14,398
All right, look, fez, I'm really sorry.

404
00:20:14,465 --> 00:20:17,264
Zip it, fool!

405
00:20:17,332 --> 00:20:20,930
You stole my girl, and
I really need a girl.

406
00:20:20,998 --> 00:20:23,064
Here, fez. You're probably gonna want

407
00:20:23,131 --> 00:20:26,197
some personal time with the couch.

408
00:20:26,265 --> 00:20:29,029
I even plumped up the pillows for you.

409
00:20:29,096 --> 00:20:32,995
No, I cannot be in the same room with him.

410
00:20:33,063 --> 00:20:35,362
You and I are through.

411
00:20:35,429 --> 00:20:38,160
Now good day.

412
00:20:38,228 --> 00:20:40,060
But, fez...

413
00:20:46,893 --> 00:20:49,192
Fez, he said, "but, fez..."

414
00:20:49,260 --> 00:20:52,293
Oh, I heard him.

415
00:20:52,361 --> 00:20:54,291
Well, now you're supposed to say...

416
00:20:54,359 --> 00:20:57,255
"I say good day."

417
00:20:59,522 --> 00:21:01,455
Yeah, and then we all know
that you're really mad,

418
00:21:01,522 --> 00:21:02,987
but eventually, you'll get over it.

419
00:21:03,055 --> 00:21:04,987
Oh, you'd like that.

420
00:21:05,055 --> 00:21:07,388
Dance, monkey, dance.

421
00:21:08,822 --> 00:21:12,488
Oh, kelso, this monkey
don't dance no more.

422
00:21:12,555 --> 00:21:12,588
But, fez...

423
00:21:12,589 --> 00:21:14,622
I said good day! Arrrh!

424
00:21:24,380 --> 00:21:26,812
Oh, fez, it was so nice of
you to make dinner for us.

425
00:21:26,879 --> 00:21:28,145
Yeah, this is amazing.

426
00:21:28,213 --> 00:21:30,878
Well, food always tastes
better when it's fresh.

427
00:21:35,545 --> 00:21:37,277
So what is this anyway?

428
00:21:37,344 --> 00:21:39,309
Well, let's just say that the Easter bunny

429
00:21:39,377 --> 00:21:41,975
came early this year,

430
00:21:42,043 --> 00:21:43,041
so I shot him.

431
00:21:47,038 --> 00:21:57,028
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