1
00:00:05,237 --> 00:00:08,172
It's been like an hour and my dad is
still upstairs talking to your folks.

2
00:00:08,173 --> 00:00:10,875
Our pregnancy scare must
have really freaked 'em out.

3
00:00:10,876 --> 00:00:11,277
Yeah, well, that's because "pregnancy"

4
00:00:11,278 --> 00:00:13,213
is one of the scariest words
in the English language...

5
00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:17,649
Right after "monster" and "broccoli."

6
00:00:17,717 --> 00:00:19,318
Well, I'm not pregnant.

7
00:00:19,386 --> 00:00:20,986
Everything's fine,

8
00:00:21,054 --> 00:00:23,989
so I'm sure our parents
will calm down soon.

9
00:00:25,991 --> 00:00:28,993
Hey, fornicators, upstairs!

10
00:00:29,861 --> 00:00:32,329
Oh, God, we're dead. You know what?

11
00:00:32,330 --> 00:00:34,264
None of this would have happened

12
00:00:34,332 --> 00:00:36,600
if you hadn't insisted
on sleeping with me.

13
00:00:36,668 --> 00:00:38,303
I insisted?

14
00:00:38,370 --> 00:00:40,605
You wouldn't give me my wallet back.

15
00:00:40,673 --> 00:00:42,874
Look, we're in this together.

16
00:00:42,942 --> 00:00:44,609
You were there, too.

17
00:00:45,677 --> 00:00:49,446
Or was I?

18
00:00:49,514 --> 00:00:52,983
The jedi mind trick doesn't
work in real life, Dink.

19
00:00:53,051 --> 00:00:56,220
Or does it?

20
00:00:58,056 --> 00:00:59,923
Oh hey,

21
00:00:59,991 --> 00:01:02,159
what's shakin', gang?

22
00:01:02,728 --> 00:01:06,331
Certainly not Donna's belly
from being pregnant, right?

23
00:01:07,333 --> 00:01:09,300
You're not funny. You're a sinner.

24
00:01:09,368 --> 00:01:11,736
Now sit.

25
00:01:15,474 --> 00:01:19,811
We have decided that you two need
premarital counseling at church.

26
00:01:21,413 --> 00:01:23,047
Premarital?

27
00:01:23,115 --> 00:01:25,350
Counseling? Church?

28
00:01:25,417 --> 00:01:29,987
Why am I talking like a speak & spell?

29
00:01:30,055 --> 00:01:32,056
Dad, you think this is a good idea?

30
00:01:32,124 --> 00:01:35,626
No. I suggested we get
him fixed like a dog.

31
00:01:37,029 --> 00:01:39,163
Counseling can be extremely beneficial.

32
00:01:39,231 --> 00:01:42,200
I knew two boys who were about
to marry their sweethearts.

33
00:01:42,267 --> 00:01:44,569
One boy went to
counseling, and one didn't.

34
00:01:44,636 --> 00:01:47,705
And the one who didn't
go to counseling died.

35
00:01:49,575 --> 00:01:51,676
I'll tell ya, if midge
and I had counseling,

36
00:01:51,744 --> 00:01:53,678
it might have saved our marriage.

37
00:01:53,746 --> 00:01:55,813
Of course, not sleeping with degenerates

38
00:01:55,881 --> 00:01:59,250
from the pool hall would have helped, too.

39
00:01:59,318 --> 00:02:01,219
So you want us to go to counseling?

40
00:02:01,286 --> 00:02:04,188
Mom, where do you even
come up with this stuff?

41
00:02:04,256 --> 00:02:05,690
It wasn't my idea.

42
00:02:05,758 --> 00:02:09,160
Steven was thoughtful
enough to suggest it.

43
00:02:10,596 --> 00:02:12,130
You're welcome.

44
00:02:42,394 --> 00:02:46,097
Hello, Wisconsin!

45
00:02:50,953 --> 00:02:52,086
Okay, you guys,

46
00:02:52,154 --> 00:02:55,122
this church counseling
idea is really crappy.

47
00:02:55,190 --> 00:02:57,291
Would you listen to the
language on this kid?

48
00:02:57,359 --> 00:03:01,896
What he needs is church and lots of it.

49
00:03:01,964 --> 00:03:05,232
You know, Eric, you may not
think that you need counseling,

50
00:03:05,300 --> 00:03:07,134
but maybe Donna does.

51
00:03:07,202 --> 00:03:10,137
No, she doesn't.

52
00:03:10,205 --> 00:03:12,239
Well, actually,

53
00:03:12,307 --> 00:03:14,241
I think counseling might
help us work through some

54
00:03:14,309 --> 00:03:15,776
of our issues before we get married.

55
00:03:15,844 --> 00:03:17,545
We don't have issues. Yes, we do.

56
00:03:17,613 --> 00:03:19,347
No, we don't. Do.

57
00:03:19,414 --> 00:03:21,415
Okay, see? You don't do the do/don't

58
00:03:21,483 --> 00:03:23,651
if you don't have issues, which you do.

59
00:03:23,719 --> 00:03:26,954
Okay, dad, how can you
think this is a good idea?

60
00:03:27,022 --> 00:03:30,157
You always say to take care
of family business at home.

61
00:03:30,225 --> 00:03:32,259
I am taking care of business at home.

62
00:03:32,327 --> 00:03:34,261
Because if you two don't do this,

63
00:03:34,329 --> 00:03:36,263
do you know what it's gonna be like

64
00:03:36,331 --> 00:03:38,933
living with your mother?

65
00:03:39,001 --> 00:03:43,471
Just more of a delight every day, is what.

66
00:03:43,538 --> 00:03:44,905
Well, come on, Eric.

67
00:03:44,973 --> 00:03:46,207
We'll learn stuff about each other.

68
00:03:46,274 --> 00:03:47,975
For instance, what if one day

69
00:03:48,043 --> 00:03:49,410
I get a high-paying job in California?

70
00:03:49,478 --> 00:03:51,178
Will you move?

71
00:03:51,246 --> 00:03:54,915
Whoa. Why can't I get
the high-paying job?

72
00:03:54,983 --> 00:03:57,351
Okay, what if you get a high-paying job?

73
00:03:57,419 --> 00:03:58,786
Will I move?

74
00:03:58,854 --> 00:04:01,422
Who am I kidding? I'm not
getting a high-paying job.

75
00:04:04,793 --> 00:04:08,529
All right, civilians.

76
00:04:08,597 --> 00:04:10,898
Hide your stashes.
Officer-in-training kelso's back

77
00:04:10,899 --> 00:04:12,333
from the academy.

78
00:04:15,401 --> 00:04:16,736
I gotta be honest, man.

79
00:04:16,737 --> 00:04:18,738
Every day you come home
with all your fingers,

80
00:04:18,806 --> 00:04:20,373
I die a little inside.

81
00:04:20,441 --> 00:04:24,077
Michael, you got another "D" on a test?

82
00:04:24,145 --> 00:04:26,212
Is this your fourth "D" in a row?

83
00:04:26,280 --> 00:04:27,280
Yeah.

84
00:04:27,348 --> 00:04:29,749
It's just on the penal code stuff.

85
00:04:29,817 --> 00:04:31,885
Criminals have a right to an attorney.

86
00:04:31,952 --> 00:04:34,087
Criminals are innocent
until proven guilty.

87
00:04:34,155 --> 00:04:36,790
Just crazy liberal gibberish.

88
00:04:40,294 --> 00:04:42,228
What are you laughing at?

89
00:04:42,296 --> 00:04:45,165
He said "penal code."

90
00:04:46,232 --> 00:04:49,601
Fez, it doesn't mean that.

91
00:04:49,669 --> 00:04:51,670
It's from the word "penalty."Penal."

92
00:04:54,708 --> 00:04:58,544
You're like a 4 year old.
It's a legal term. "Penal."

93
00:05:04,782 --> 00:05:06,150
Hey, guys.

94
00:05:06,217 --> 00:05:07,351
Hey, Michael.

95
00:05:07,619 --> 00:05:08,952
How'd your penal code test go?

96
00:05:12,157 --> 00:05:14,792
I did great. I got another "b."

97
00:05:14,859 --> 00:05:17,761
Oh, that's your fourth "B" in a row.

98
00:05:17,829 --> 00:05:19,329
I'm so proud of you.

99
00:05:19,397 --> 00:05:20,330
Can I see it?

100
00:05:20,398 --> 00:05:23,367
Uh... uh, you could,

101
00:05:23,435 --> 00:05:25,569
but I didn't write anything down

102
00:05:25,637 --> 00:05:27,337
'cause the test was oral.

103
00:05:27,405 --> 00:05:30,040
Oral test on the penal code.

104
00:05:36,210 --> 00:05:37,311
So, um...

105
00:05:37,312 --> 00:05:38,445
Are you free this afternoon?

106
00:05:38,513 --> 00:05:40,080
I thought maybe we could do something.

107
00:05:40,148 --> 00:05:41,415
How about go-carting?

108
00:05:41,483 --> 00:05:43,350
Um...

109
00:05:43,418 --> 00:05:45,352
How about putting together a crib?

110
00:05:45,420 --> 00:05:47,154
Does the crib have wheels?

111
00:05:47,222 --> 00:05:49,223
Yeah.

112
00:05:49,290 --> 00:05:50,891
Then I'm in.

113
00:05:50,959 --> 00:05:53,527
Great. I'll meet you outside.

114
00:05:53,595 --> 00:05:55,229
Bye, guys.

115
00:05:55,296 --> 00:05:56,830
Bye.

116
00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:00,701
Hey, Michael,

117
00:06:00,769 --> 00:06:02,202
how come you told library Barbie

118
00:06:02,270 --> 00:06:03,971
you got "Bs" instead of "Ds"?

119
00:06:04,039 --> 00:06:06,807
Look, some people bring flowers.

120
00:06:06,875 --> 00:06:10,544
Some people buy chocolates.
I lie about my intelligence.

121
00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:14,982
It's not working.

122
00:06:15,050 --> 00:06:17,618
She's locked up the old funhouse,

123
00:06:17,686 --> 00:06:19,586
if you know what I mean.

124
00:06:22,654 --> 00:06:25,656
Michael, no way. She's totally into you.

125
00:06:25,724 --> 00:06:31,195
She changed from clear
lip gloss to pink shimmer.

126
00:06:31,263 --> 00:06:33,197
What more does she need to do,

127
00:06:33,265 --> 00:06:35,032
shout "I love you" from the rooftops?

128
00:06:35,100 --> 00:06:37,034
Well, she could give me
something besides a kiss

129
00:06:37,102 --> 00:06:38,536
on the cheek.

130
00:06:38,603 --> 00:06:40,671
It's like kissing your cousin.

131
00:06:40,739 --> 00:06:44,809
Oh, the cousin kiss...

132
00:06:44,876 --> 00:06:49,046
The sexiest of all relative kisses.

133
00:06:49,114 --> 00:06:51,482
Right above big-breasted aunt

134
00:06:52,350 --> 00:06:54,751
and sleepy grandma.

135
00:06:56,153 --> 00:06:58,588
Did you just say "sleepy grandma"?

136
00:06:58,656 --> 00:07:00,991
You telling me you kiss your grandma?

137
00:07:01,058 --> 00:07:03,527
Not my grandma. A grandma.

138
00:07:03,594 --> 00:07:05,795
Sick bastard.

139
00:07:09,499 --> 00:07:12,535
I gotta say, I'm excited
about marriage counseling.

140
00:07:12,602 --> 00:07:14,704
I'm looking forward to
hearing from a third party

141
00:07:14,771 --> 00:07:16,706
that I'm right about everything.

142
00:07:16,773 --> 00:07:19,241
Oh, and I want my marriage
to Eric to be magical.

143
00:07:19,309 --> 00:07:22,411
I know how you could do that.

144
00:07:22,479 --> 00:07:25,581
Marry someone besides Eric.

145
00:07:25,649 --> 00:07:28,451
Hey, I'll see you guys later.

146
00:07:28,518 --> 00:07:31,620
I got someplace I really need to be.

147
00:07:33,623 --> 00:07:35,691
Hey, guys, sorry I'm late.

148
00:07:35,759 --> 00:07:38,461
Had someplace I really needed to be.

149
00:07:38,528 --> 00:07:40,129
Okay, so get this.

150
00:07:40,197 --> 00:07:43,366
I don't want counseling.
Donna does. So we're going.

151
00:07:43,433 --> 00:07:45,368
I'll tell ya, ever since we got engaged,

152
00:07:45,435 --> 00:07:47,903
she's been treating me
like some kind of child.

153
00:07:48,972 --> 00:07:51,407
Oh, where's my toy surprise?

154
00:07:54,211 --> 00:07:56,412
Oh, kelso, watch it with that gun, man.

155
00:07:56,480 --> 00:07:59,181
Oh, relax, Eric. It's not
a gun. It's a flare gun.

156
00:07:59,249 --> 00:08:01,584
Yeah, tomorrow's flare day at the academy,

157
00:08:01,651 --> 00:08:03,586
so we're learning how to use these.

158
00:08:03,653 --> 00:08:05,087
Besides, they're totally safe.

159
00:08:05,155 --> 00:08:08,190
All they do is shoot balls of fire.

160
00:08:08,258 --> 00:08:10,326
Kelso, I don't think you
should be playing with fire

161
00:08:10,394 --> 00:08:11,994
when we're all...

162
00:08:12,062 --> 00:08:14,230
Never mind.

163
00:08:14,297 --> 00:08:17,366
Man, I gotta stop hitting
two circles in one day.

164
00:08:17,434 --> 00:08:19,602
I could swear I just saw a ball of fire

165
00:08:19,669 --> 00:08:22,271
shoot through this room.

166
00:08:22,339 --> 00:08:23,706
Zowie!

167
00:08:28,043 --> 00:08:30,611
Okay, so what brings you to counseling?

168
00:08:30,679 --> 00:08:32,647
A firm tug on the old ball and chain,

169
00:08:32,714 --> 00:08:35,616
if you know what I mean.

170
00:08:35,684 --> 00:08:37,985
What Eric is trying to say is

171
00:08:38,053 --> 00:08:40,922
we wanted to talk to someone
about the pitfalls of marriage.

172
00:08:40,989 --> 00:08:44,525
And we have some little issues.

173
00:08:44,593 --> 00:08:47,295
For example, Eric sometimes likes

174
00:08:47,362 --> 00:08:50,598
to talk too much about "Star Wars."

175
00:08:50,666 --> 00:08:52,133
I understand.

176
00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:53,901
You do?

177
00:08:53,969 --> 00:08:56,137
See, this is great.

178
00:08:56,204 --> 00:08:59,674
Yeah, "Star Wars" is the
greatest movie of all time.

179
00:09:01,209 --> 00:09:03,811
It's hard not to talk about "Star Wars."

180
00:09:03,879 --> 00:09:07,014
Wow! This is great!

181
00:09:08,250 --> 00:09:10,785
Oh, oh, no.

182
00:09:10,852 --> 00:09:13,054
I can't believe you've seen "Star Wars."

183
00:09:13,121 --> 00:09:15,323
Well, I like to stay
current with pop culture,

184
00:09:15,390 --> 00:09:18,326
so that I can connect
with the youth I counsel.

185
00:09:18,393 --> 00:09:21,329
Say how about that disco?

186
00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:26,165
Um, disco kinda blows.

187
00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:27,866
I agree.

188
00:09:27,934 --> 00:09:29,868
Blow on, disco.

189
00:09:29,936 --> 00:09:32,604
Blow on.

190
00:09:32,672 --> 00:09:37,443
Can we get back to me and Eric, please?

191
00:09:37,510 --> 00:09:39,445
Because sometimes I feel like

192
00:09:39,512 --> 00:09:41,447
we're racing toward this wedding,

193
00:09:41,514 --> 00:09:44,383
and we're not even enjoying
it as much as we could be.

194
00:09:44,451 --> 00:09:46,385
Hmm, I see.

195
00:09:46,453 --> 00:09:48,320
Like in "Star Wars,"

196
00:09:48,388 --> 00:09:50,756
when Luke,

197
00:09:50,824 --> 00:09:52,758
much like the two of you,

198
00:09:52,826 --> 00:09:54,760
wasn't the pilot of his own future.

199
00:09:54,828 --> 00:09:56,462
But he was a great pilot.

200
00:09:56,529 --> 00:09:58,263
He used to bull's-eye wamp rats...

201
00:09:58,331 --> 00:10:00,232
In his t-16 back home!

202
00:10:02,902 --> 00:10:05,437
I should be marrying you.

203
00:10:06,906 --> 00:10:08,874
I thought this was a counseling session,

204
00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:11,810
not a dork-off.

205
00:10:11,878 --> 00:10:14,513
I'm sorry, Donna.

206
00:10:14,581 --> 00:10:17,282
Okay, look, instead of
talking about what worries you

207
00:10:17,350 --> 00:10:18,517
about marriage,

208
00:10:18,585 --> 00:10:21,687
let's talk about what
excites you about marriage.

209
00:10:21,755 --> 00:10:24,056
Oh.

210
00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:26,625
Okay, well...

211
00:10:31,898 --> 00:10:34,166
Hmm. That's weird.

212
00:10:34,234 --> 00:10:36,402
I can't really think of anything.

213
00:10:37,604 --> 00:10:39,538
You can't think of anything?

214
00:10:39,606 --> 00:10:42,307
Well, hang on. Give me a second.

215
00:10:43,943 --> 00:10:47,046
Nope. Nothing.

216
00:10:47,113 --> 00:10:50,916
Well, one thing young newlyweds
usually get excited about,

217
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:54,086
and that's having sexual
relations for the first time.

218
00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:56,622
I'm sure you're both
looking forward to that.

219
00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:01,927
Oh, um...

220
00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:04,630
Unless of course, you've already had sex.

221
00:11:06,633 --> 00:11:08,400
Premarital sex.

222
00:11:08,468 --> 00:11:09,935
What?

223
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:11,236
Huh?

224
00:11:16,510 --> 00:11:18,378
Do I look like some guy who's had sex?

225
00:11:18,445 --> 00:11:21,013
I mean... right?

226
00:11:22,583 --> 00:11:24,684
You're seeing pictures of what's left

227
00:11:24,752 --> 00:11:27,387
of the point place
police academy auditorium,

228
00:11:27,454 --> 00:11:29,489
where a fire broke out today.

229
00:11:29,556 --> 00:11:32,091
I hope kelso's okay.

230
00:11:32,159 --> 00:11:35,328
Yeah, I know he was there,
'cause today was flare day.

231
00:11:35,396 --> 00:11:38,164
Today was flare day!

232
00:11:44,104 --> 00:11:47,707
Hey, what's up?

233
00:11:56,390 --> 00:11:58,792
Okay, fine. I was at the academy

234
00:11:58,859 --> 00:12:00,293
when the auditorium burned down,

235
00:12:00,361 --> 00:12:01,828
but it totally wasn't my fault.

236
00:12:01,896 --> 00:12:04,931
See, I got there early to
practice with my flare gun

237
00:12:04,999 --> 00:12:07,167
'cause I wanted to show Brooke
an actual "B" for a change.

238
00:12:07,234 --> 00:12:10,370
Okay, so far zero percent your fault.

239
00:12:10,438 --> 00:12:12,305
All right, so I accidentally

240
00:12:12,373 --> 00:12:14,774
shot off a flare, and it went all...

241
00:12:14,842 --> 00:12:17,243
Right underneath the bleachers.

242
00:12:17,311 --> 00:12:21,081
Well, we've just jumped
up to about 60% your fault.

243
00:12:21,148 --> 00:12:23,350
Okay, so then I shot off another flare

244
00:12:23,417 --> 00:12:25,352
at the first flare 'cause
you know what they say.

245
00:12:25,419 --> 00:12:27,387
You gotta fight fire with fire.

246
00:12:31,956 --> 00:12:36,927
Yeah, this is now, like, 99% your fault.

247
00:12:36,995 --> 00:12:40,797
So then I shot off another flare

248
00:12:40,865 --> 00:12:43,367
to warn people about the fire.

249
00:12:44,936 --> 00:12:46,870
But that one just went
right up and on the roof,

250
00:12:46,938 --> 00:12:49,272
and that's when I just
got the hell out of there.

251
00:13:00,418 --> 00:13:02,085
$5?

252
00:13:02,153 --> 00:13:03,553
For Pete's sakes,

253
00:13:03,621 --> 00:13:05,555
God doesn't drive a Cadillac.

254
00:13:07,692 --> 00:13:09,993
You know, in these times of loose morals,

255
00:13:10,061 --> 00:13:14,197
even my faith gets challenged,
much like han solo's faith

256
00:13:14,265 --> 00:13:18,368
in his sometimes unreliable
" millennium falcon."

257
00:13:18,436 --> 00:13:21,371
Which is why I'm so pleased

258
00:13:21,439 --> 00:13:24,741
to recently meet a young engaged couple

259
00:13:24,809 --> 00:13:28,011
who have turned their backs on temptation,

260
00:13:28,079 --> 00:13:33,283
despite the lure of premarital sex.

261
00:13:33,351 --> 00:13:36,186
Oh, no. Oh, God. Oh, no.

262
00:13:36,254 --> 00:13:37,921
So here they are...

263
00:13:37,989 --> 00:13:40,691
Eric Forman and Donna Pinciotti.

264
00:13:44,328 --> 00:13:46,730
Please stand.

265
00:13:58,643 --> 00:14:02,212
Oh, look, it's Eric and Donna.

266
00:14:02,280 --> 00:14:04,314
Did everyone know they're virgins?

267
00:14:06,684 --> 00:14:08,985
I think I wanna be a virgin, too.

268
00:14:09,053 --> 00:14:11,121
Hey, everyone, I'm a virgin!

269
00:14:13,191 --> 00:14:16,259
Well, I said it, so it must be true.

270
00:14:16,327 --> 00:14:18,528
Okay, I know this seems really bad,

271
00:14:18,596 --> 00:14:20,997
but I got a really simple way to fix this.

272
00:14:21,065 --> 00:14:25,168
Just start going to a different church.

273
00:14:25,236 --> 00:14:27,304
Hey, how about that
one where they sing more

274
00:14:27,371 --> 00:14:29,706
and let you marry, like, six people?

275
00:14:31,809 --> 00:14:33,410
Hey, red,

276
00:14:33,478 --> 00:14:35,512
tell me the story about how Eric and Donna

277
00:14:35,580 --> 00:14:36,847
had to stand up in
front of the whole church

278
00:14:36,914 --> 00:14:38,515
and pretend to be virgins.

279
00:14:38,583 --> 00:14:41,718
Once upon a time, two
dumb-asses went to church

280
00:14:41,786 --> 00:14:46,289
and brought shame upon
their entire family.

281
00:14:46,357 --> 00:14:49,025
And their father had to hear about it

282
00:14:49,093 --> 00:14:52,429
the whole damn car ride home!

283
00:14:53,831 --> 00:14:55,932
That is a great story.

284
00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:58,735
It's scary, but it's funny, too.

285
00:14:59,705 --> 00:15:01,139
What I don't understand

286
00:15:01,206 --> 00:15:03,074
is how you can lie to a pastor in church.

287
00:15:03,142 --> 00:15:05,076
Well, Mrs. Forman, what
about the time you lied

288
00:15:05,144 --> 00:15:06,477
to pastor Dan?

289
00:15:06,545 --> 00:15:08,479
You told him your dog ate
your bake sale cookies,

290
00:15:08,547 --> 00:15:10,448
but you didn't bake them
'cause you were too busy

291
00:15:10,516 --> 00:15:12,917
sipping Kahlua and watching
that Paul Newman retrospective.

292
00:15:12,985 --> 00:15:15,987
I did not lie to pastor Dan in church.

293
00:15:16,054 --> 00:15:17,922
I lied to him at the market,

294
00:15:17,990 --> 00:15:20,658
and at the market, he
is just a regular man.

295
00:15:22,127 --> 00:15:24,796
Now you two March back to
church and tell him the truth.

296
00:15:24,863 --> 00:15:27,799
And for your information,
Donna, Kahlua is barely a drink.

297
00:15:27,866 --> 00:15:30,034
It's like root beer.

298
00:15:34,273 --> 00:15:36,207
So I can't believe the
police academy caught fire.

299
00:15:36,275 --> 00:15:37,208
What happened?

300
00:15:37,276 --> 00:15:39,277
Huge mystery.

301
00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:44,982
Like what part of the cow is the hot dog?

302
00:15:46,418 --> 00:15:50,621
Maybe kelso's just too
traumatized to remember.

303
00:15:50,689 --> 00:15:53,357
I think he needs help
filling in the blanks,

304
00:15:53,425 --> 00:15:56,160
like the fire was started with a blank gun

305
00:15:56,228 --> 00:15:59,964
by a blanking idiot named blank-o.

306
00:16:02,032 --> 00:16:03,065
Hey, Brooke,

307
00:16:03,133 --> 00:16:04,669
could you wait outside for a minute?

308
00:16:04,670 --> 00:16:07,238
Mrs. Forman has this
rule that there's only...

309
00:16:07,306 --> 00:16:09,273
Five people in the kitchen at one time.

310
00:16:09,341 --> 00:16:11,843
Well, there are five people here.

311
00:16:11,910 --> 00:16:13,578
That's why you need to leave.

312
00:16:13,645 --> 00:16:16,047
But you said no more than five. Right.

313
00:16:16,114 --> 00:16:19,317
But I'm number five. Exactly.

314
00:16:19,384 --> 00:16:21,752
So I'll just wait outside then?

315
00:16:21,820 --> 00:16:24,088
Attagirl.

316
00:16:25,424 --> 00:16:27,525
Hey, Jackie,

317
00:16:27,593 --> 00:16:29,126
I suspect kelso hasn't told Brooke

318
00:16:29,194 --> 00:16:31,128
that he burned down the police academy.

319
00:16:31,196 --> 00:16:33,664
Interesting.

320
00:16:33,732 --> 00:16:36,167
I suspect you're right, Steven.

321
00:16:36,235 --> 00:16:38,202
Fez, what do you think?

322
00:16:38,270 --> 00:16:41,639
I think I smell cookies.

323
00:16:43,775 --> 00:16:45,810
All right, fine, so I haven't told her.

324
00:16:45,878 --> 00:16:48,079
But the only reason she likes me is

325
00:16:48,146 --> 00:16:50,081
'cause I'm doing well at the academy.

326
00:16:50,148 --> 00:16:52,116
Michael, you can't start
a relationship based

327
00:16:52,184 --> 00:16:53,618
on a huge lie.

328
00:16:53,685 --> 00:16:55,253
You have to start off fresh,

329
00:16:55,320 --> 00:16:58,689
and then gently sprinkle
in the lies as you go along.

330
00:16:59,658 --> 00:17:01,959
A relationship is like a cookie,

331
00:17:02,027 --> 00:17:06,163
and the lies are the
tasty chocolate chips.

332
00:17:06,231 --> 00:17:09,433
Where are the cookies, damn it?

333
00:17:11,837 --> 00:17:15,706
Okay, what did you want to tell me?

334
00:17:15,774 --> 00:17:17,642
Well, you see, pastor Dan,

335
00:17:17,709 --> 00:17:19,143
when we were here before

336
00:17:19,211 --> 00:17:22,847
and you had asked us about premarital sex,

337
00:17:22,915 --> 00:17:24,448
we might have...

338
00:17:24,516 --> 00:17:26,684
We lied, okay?

339
00:17:27,920 --> 00:17:31,589
We have had sex zillions of times.

340
00:17:31,657 --> 00:17:33,658
I used to try to keep track on a pad,

341
00:17:33,725 --> 00:17:35,660
but it got unwieldy. Oh, God.

342
00:17:35,727 --> 00:17:37,662
Eric!

343
00:17:37,729 --> 00:17:38,863
I'm sorry, Donna, but we
are knocking on hell's door,

344
00:17:38,931 --> 00:17:41,365
and I ain't goin' in!

345
00:17:41,433 --> 00:17:44,969
Eric, you're not going to hell.

346
00:17:45,037 --> 00:17:47,571
But you might be. I
don't know you that well.

347
00:17:49,041 --> 00:17:50,975
I just think you're depriving yourselves

348
00:17:51,043 --> 00:17:55,112
of that wonderful moment
when marriage is cemented

349
00:17:55,180 --> 00:17:58,516
by giving the gift of yourselves.

350
00:17:58,583 --> 00:18:00,885
Wow.

351
00:18:00,953 --> 00:18:02,954
I never thought about it that way.

352
00:18:03,021 --> 00:18:04,221
Maybe that's why you couldn't figure out

353
00:18:04,289 --> 00:18:06,157
the whole excitement about marriage.

354
00:18:06,224 --> 00:18:08,659
The one thing you should
have been looking forward to

355
00:18:08,727 --> 00:18:10,962
you have already experienced.

356
00:18:11,029 --> 00:18:13,297
Maybe you knew that...

357
00:18:13,365 --> 00:18:15,766
Without realizing it.

358
00:18:15,834 --> 00:18:20,972
I don't mean to bring
up "Star Wars" again.

359
00:18:23,675 --> 00:18:25,543
This is a lot like Luke

360
00:18:25,610 --> 00:18:28,913
before he discovered the force.

361
00:18:28,981 --> 00:18:30,982
Exactly.

362
00:18:32,117 --> 00:18:34,785
And what is the force in real life?

363
00:18:42,027 --> 00:18:43,661
Brooke...

364
00:18:43,729 --> 00:18:46,964
I gotta tell you something.

365
00:18:47,032 --> 00:18:49,967
I burnt down the police
academy auditorium.

366
00:18:50,035 --> 00:18:53,137
See, this flare just got away from me.

367
00:18:53,205 --> 00:18:55,206
And then there was another
flare that was on purpose,

368
00:18:55,273 --> 00:18:56,707
but a bad idea,

369
00:18:56,775 --> 00:18:58,209
and a final warning flare

370
00:18:58,276 --> 00:19:00,745
that I now realize was unnecessary,

371
00:19:00,812 --> 00:19:04,415
'cause the fire itself
was a pretty big flare.

372
00:19:04,483 --> 00:19:06,684
Well, Michael,

373
00:19:06,752 --> 00:19:08,819
I'm glad you're honest with me

374
00:19:08,887 --> 00:19:10,888
because I kind of have a secret, too.

375
00:19:10,956 --> 00:19:14,191
You have a twin sister
that loves threesomes.

376
00:19:14,259 --> 00:19:16,227
No.

377
00:19:16,294 --> 00:19:17,962
No.

378
00:19:18,030 --> 00:19:20,031
I've stopped myself
from getting close to you

379
00:19:20,098 --> 00:19:22,500
because I didn't know
if I could trust you.

380
00:19:22,567 --> 00:19:24,769
I knew you were lying about
the police academy fire

381
00:19:24,836 --> 00:19:28,139
because, well,

382
00:19:28,206 --> 00:19:30,975
your friends kind of gave
it away in the kitchen.

383
00:19:31,043 --> 00:19:34,879
Also Fez took me aside
today and just told me...

384
00:19:36,314 --> 00:19:39,383
And kinda tried to kiss me.

385
00:19:39,451 --> 00:19:42,553
Yeah, he does that.

386
00:19:42,621 --> 00:19:44,522
But you were honest with me,

387
00:19:44,589 --> 00:19:47,124
which means I can trust you.

388
00:20:00,872 --> 00:20:02,206
So...

389
00:20:02,274 --> 00:20:04,975
Is there anything else
you'd like to be honest

390
00:20:05,043 --> 00:20:07,111
with me about,

391
00:20:07,179 --> 00:20:11,082
like maybe your test grades?

392
00:20:11,149 --> 00:20:14,385
Yeah.

393
00:20:15,954 --> 00:20:18,122
I didn't get four "Bs."

394
00:20:18,190 --> 00:20:19,557
I kinda figured.

395
00:20:19,624 --> 00:20:22,693
I got four "as. " I
just didn't want to brag.

396
00:20:28,533 --> 00:20:33,237
Well, we committed seven mortal sins,

397
00:20:33,305 --> 00:20:35,706
and all we got was a half an hour lecture.

398
00:20:35,774 --> 00:20:37,675
Yeah, but still,

399
00:20:37,742 --> 00:20:40,311
I want our wedding day to be special.

400
00:20:40,378 --> 00:20:42,680
You know, something
we'll remember forever.

401
00:20:42,747 --> 00:20:45,249
You know what? Whatever it takes.

402
00:20:45,317 --> 00:20:47,251
Which is why I think we
shouldn't have sex again

403
00:20:47,319 --> 00:20:48,419
until we're married.

404
00:20:48,487 --> 00:20:51,188
What? No. What? No.

405
00:20:51,256 --> 00:20:53,757
No, no, no, no. You can't cut me off now.

406
00:20:53,825 --> 00:20:55,059
I'm addicted now.

407
00:20:56,627 --> 00:20:58,694
Look, Eric, I know it
seems like a crazy idea.

408
00:20:58,762 --> 00:21:00,696
Oh, I see your plan, lady.

409
00:21:00,764 --> 00:21:02,832
The first three years are free, huh?

410
00:21:02,899 --> 00:21:06,068
Eric, it'll be great.
When you think about it,

411
00:21:06,136 --> 00:21:08,070
it's really similar to "Star Wars"

412
00:21:08,138 --> 00:21:12,074
and staying pure, just like a jedi.

413
00:21:12,142 --> 00:21:14,977
There's no such thing as jedi.
That's just a stupid movie!

414
00:21:15,045 --> 00:21:18,180
God!

415
00:21:22,023 --> 00:21:23,690
Last Sunday we recognized
two congregants try one today.

416
00:21:23,691 --> 00:21:25,125
For abstaining from sex.

417
00:21:25,193 --> 00:21:27,294
Well, it is my sad duty to report

418
00:21:27,361 --> 00:21:29,329
that they were lying...

419
00:21:30,397 --> 00:21:33,465
To me,

420
00:21:33,533 --> 00:21:37,303
to their families, to God himself.

421
00:21:37,370 --> 00:21:40,272
So let us correct a great injustice.

422
00:21:40,340 --> 00:21:41,574
Please stand,

423
00:21:41,641 --> 00:21:45,010
Eric Forman and Donna Pinciotti.

424
00:21:49,516 --> 00:21:51,884
Amen!

425
00:21:51,885 --> 00:21:52,885
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