1
00:00:05,871 --> 00:00:07,802
Oh, hey, Donna,

2
00:00:07,870 --> 00:00:11,635
about this little celibacy kick we're on,

3
00:00:11,703 --> 00:00:14,801
does that cover quickies,
'cause I could be really quick?

4
00:00:14,869 --> 00:00:18,724
Well, that's why I call you "the flash."

5
00:00:18,792 --> 00:00:22,480
That's why you call me the flash?

6
00:00:22,548 --> 00:00:25,078
I thought it was 'cause I was flashy,

7
00:00:25,146 --> 00:00:27,035
like an entertainer.

8
00:00:27,103 --> 00:00:28,756
Come on, one little one.

9
00:00:28,823 --> 00:00:31,274
You can even watch tv.

10
00:00:31,341 --> 00:00:34,130
Eric, we agreed to hold
off until the wedding.

11
00:00:34,196 --> 00:00:35,510
It's cleansing.

12
00:00:35,578 --> 00:00:37,523
No, Donna, giving up
cigarettes is cleansing.

13
00:00:37,591 --> 00:00:40,234
Giving up sex is reckless
and irresponsible,

14
00:00:40,302 --> 00:00:44,122
and I think it might cause cancer.

15
00:00:44,189 --> 00:00:47,204
Hey, Jackie, I know since you moved in,

16
00:00:47,271 --> 00:00:49,279
we agreed to give each other messages

17
00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:51,692
as soon as possible, and
in the spirit of that,

18
00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:53,733
your mom called last Tuesday.

19
00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:56,909
What? No, she couldn't
call. She's in mexico.

20
00:00:56,980 --> 00:00:59,185
They don't have phones there.

21
00:00:59,252 --> 00:01:01,224
Uh, yeah, they do.

22
00:01:01,292 --> 00:01:04,032
Why would we give them phones?

23
00:01:05,402 --> 00:01:07,840
My dad tried to get back
in touch with me once.

24
00:01:07,908 --> 00:01:10,313
Instead of calling, he just
left a six-pack on my car.

25
00:01:10,381 --> 00:01:11,883
How'd you know it was him?

26
00:01:11,953 --> 00:01:14,856
He was passed out on the hood.

27
00:01:14,924 --> 00:01:17,096
Well, I don't have
anything to say to my mom.

28
00:01:17,163 --> 00:01:19,466
She ditched me three months ago,
and that's all I need to know.

29
00:01:19,534 --> 00:01:22,172
Oh, man, that's really sad.

30
00:01:22,239 --> 00:01:25,311
It's like a mother and daughter divided.

31
00:01:25,378 --> 00:01:28,449
So, hey, what about
some second base action?

32
00:01:28,517 --> 00:01:31,455
What did I tell you about
talking about the bases, flash?

33
00:01:34,127 --> 00:01:35,062
Donna.

34
00:01:35,128 --> 00:01:37,397
He doesn't know why.

35
00:01:37,465 --> 00:01:39,401
Jackie, you should cut your mom a break.

36
00:01:39,469 --> 00:01:41,104
I think she's charming.

37
00:01:41,171 --> 00:01:42,605
If she calls again,

38
00:01:42,673 --> 00:01:44,208
just tell her I don't want to see her.

39
00:01:44,276 --> 00:01:47,746
Well, that's too bad
'cause I just picked her up

40
00:01:47,813 --> 00:01:49,882
from the airport.

41
00:01:49,949 --> 00:01:52,987
And here I am.

42
00:01:53,055 --> 00:01:54,521
Mom!

43
00:01:54,589 --> 00:01:56,524
Oh, I love making an entrance.

44
00:01:56,592 --> 00:01:58,160
Be a dear and go watch my luggage.

45
00:01:58,227 --> 00:02:00,562
Really? Thanks.

46
00:02:00,630 --> 00:02:02,498
What are you doing here? Who cares?

47
00:02:02,566 --> 00:02:04,834
Welcome to my driveway, pretty lady.

48
00:02:04,902 --> 00:02:08,605
I'm Eric Forman. Remember me? Big fan.

49
00:02:08,672 --> 00:02:10,607
Oh, right, my toy poodle
snowball almost killed you

50
00:02:10,675 --> 00:02:12,242
when you were 6.

51
00:02:12,310 --> 00:02:14,811
I was 13, but, yeah.

52
00:02:14,879 --> 00:02:18,381
Mrs. Burkhart, Steven
Hyde. Nice to see you again.

53
00:02:18,449 --> 00:02:20,383
Just thought I'd let you
know that Jackie and I

54
00:02:20,451 --> 00:02:21,752
are kind of dating now.

55
00:02:21,820 --> 00:02:24,122
Didn't you rob our house?

56
00:02:24,189 --> 00:02:26,891
Well, I was in there a few times at night,

57
00:02:26,959 --> 00:02:29,460
but I never took anything.

58
00:02:29,528 --> 00:02:31,029
Mrs. Burkhart!

59
00:02:31,096 --> 00:02:34,965
I thought I saw gorgeous, flowing hair

60
00:02:35,034 --> 00:02:37,034
on bronze shoulders,

61
00:02:37,101 --> 00:02:39,736
And I wasn't near a mirror,
so I knew it had to be you.

62
00:02:46,696 --> 00:02:49,197
Mom, why are you back?

63
00:02:49,265 --> 00:02:51,967
It got rainy in Cabo,
so I hopped on a plane.

64
00:02:52,035 --> 00:02:54,735
Wish I was a plane.

65
00:02:57,705 --> 00:03:01,106
Then she could hop on me.

66
00:03:02,673 --> 00:03:03,841
And by hop on me, I mean...

67
00:03:03,842 --> 00:03:05,742
Yeah, yeah, we got it, Fez.

68
00:03:05,810 --> 00:03:07,144
Wait, let me guess.

69
00:03:07,412 --> 00:03:10,013
"rainy in Cabo" is Spanish

70
00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:12,849
for "my rich pilot
boyfriend ran out of money."

71
00:03:12,916 --> 00:03:15,349
Don't be silly. I don't know any Spanish,

72
00:03:15,417 --> 00:03:20,086
Except for gracias amas tequila.

73
00:03:20,153 --> 00:03:21,654
I just missed you.

74
00:03:21,722 --> 00:03:25,189
Well, I didn't miss you.

75
00:03:25,257 --> 00:03:28,191
And there's the stomp and cry.

76
00:03:28,259 --> 00:03:29,860
See you guys tomorrow.

77
00:03:31,825 --> 00:03:34,128
Miss Burkhart, I know
you and Jackie are working

78
00:03:34,496 --> 00:03:38,997
through some difficult stuff,
but may I just say, nice tan?

79
00:03:40,566 --> 00:03:42,633
Yeah, it really makes everything pop.

80
00:03:42,701 --> 00:03:45,969
Yeah, I'm popping a little right now.

81
00:03:49,966 --> 00:03:52,963
— Sync by Sarina —
— Transcript by Addic7ed.com —

82
00:04:27,996 --> 00:04:29,730
Why don't we ever have tea?

83
00:04:29,731 --> 00:04:31,630
Well, this sounds like the beginning

84
00:04:31,697 --> 00:04:33,896
of a wonderful argument...

85
00:04:33,963 --> 00:04:38,195
Like the stuffing versus
mashed potatoes fight

86
00:04:38,263 --> 00:04:41,495
that turned into why don't
I ever take you on vacation.

87
00:04:41,562 --> 00:04:44,161
Why don't you ever take me on vacation?

88
00:04:44,228 --> 00:04:45,727
Oh, crap.

89
00:04:45,795 --> 00:04:50,393
Oh, Mr. And Mrs. Forman,
I don't know what to do.

90
00:04:50,461 --> 00:04:54,692
Not this again. Kitty, make it stop.

91
00:04:54,760 --> 00:04:57,924
Now be nice, Red. Her
mom finally came home

92
00:04:57,992 --> 00:05:01,224
from her cultural tour
of Mexico's many fine bars

93
00:05:01,292 --> 00:05:03,624
and cantinas.

94
00:05:03,692 --> 00:05:06,190
Why did she have to go
all the way to Mexico

95
00:05:06,257 --> 00:05:07,556
to drink all day?

96
00:05:07,624 --> 00:05:09,289
Why couldn't she be a good mom

97
00:05:09,357 --> 00:05:11,255
and just do it at home like you do?

98
00:05:11,323 --> 00:05:14,555
Well, that's a good question.

99
00:05:14,623 --> 00:05:18,254
And you need to sit down
and talk to her about it.

100
00:05:18,322 --> 00:05:21,254
You can do it here with tea.

101
00:05:21,322 --> 00:05:23,454
We'll have tea!

102
00:05:23,521 --> 00:05:25,086
No!

103
00:05:25,154 --> 00:05:27,919
Why does this always happen here?

104
00:05:27,987 --> 00:05:29,419
We're in a recession.

105
00:05:29,487 --> 00:05:31,418
There are vacant lots all over the place.

106
00:05:31,486 --> 00:05:34,084
Well, you can go stand in a vacant lot.

107
00:05:34,152 --> 00:05:38,183
We're having a tea party with crumpets.

108
00:05:38,251 --> 00:05:40,183
I'll find out what they are,

109
00:05:40,251 --> 00:05:41,616
and we will have them.

110
00:05:41,684 --> 00:05:43,716
Okay, but I don't know

111
00:05:43,784 --> 00:05:45,749
if I can look my mom in the eye.

112
00:05:45,817 --> 00:05:47,749
I mean, I never thought I'd say this,

113
00:05:47,817 --> 00:05:50,115
but there comes a point
when a person is too tan.

114
00:05:54,615 --> 00:05:56,647
Whoa, check out this new police academy

115
00:05:56,715 --> 00:05:57,913
they're sending me to in waukegan.

116
00:05:57,981 --> 00:05:59,347
It's got its own pool!

117
00:05:59,414 --> 00:06:01,480
Oh, man, if I'd have known
it was gonna be this nice,

118
00:06:01,548 --> 00:06:04,679
I'd have burned down
the old one a lot sooner.

119
00:06:04,747 --> 00:06:06,746
Kelso, I'm really going to miss you.

120
00:06:06,814 --> 00:06:10,245
Who's gonna take my
lunch money and tease me

121
00:06:10,313 --> 00:06:13,745
and pull down my pants in front of girls?

122
00:06:13,812 --> 00:06:17,177
I'll be taking over.

123
00:06:17,245 --> 00:06:19,343
Hey, you're still gonna
drive me up there, right?

124
00:06:19,411 --> 00:06:21,875
Oh, man, Jackie's got this
heavy thing with her mom.

125
00:06:21,943 --> 00:06:24,375
I know she's gonna wanna
talk about it a lot.

126
00:06:24,443 --> 00:06:26,841
So, yeah, I'll drive you.

127
00:06:26,909 --> 00:06:29,840
Hey, since Donna cut me
off, I took the money that

128
00:06:29,908 --> 00:06:32,073
I would have spent on a
romantic dinner for two

129
00:06:32,141 --> 00:06:35,073
and bought me a gross of bottle rockets.

130
00:06:35,141 --> 00:06:37,807
Take that, Pinciotti!

131
00:06:37,873 --> 00:06:40,139
Bottle rockets, all right.

132
00:06:40,207 --> 00:06:42,272
Fez, start running.

133
00:06:42,340 --> 00:06:44,272
No, wait. I got a better idea.

134
00:06:44,339 --> 00:06:46,238
After we drop him off,

135
00:06:46,306 --> 00:06:48,238
let's stop off at the dairy farm,

136
00:06:48,305 --> 00:06:50,237
scare the hell out of some cows.

137
00:06:50,305 --> 00:06:52,637
Ooh, I love cows.

138
00:06:52,705 --> 00:06:56,969
They're the one animal
I can run faster than.

139
00:06:57,037 --> 00:06:59,035
No, no, let's go before you drop me off.

140
00:06:59,103 --> 00:07:02,235
That big spotted one needs
an attitude adjustment.

141
00:07:02,303 --> 00:07:04,301
No, man, it's got to be at night.

142
00:07:04,369 --> 00:07:06,301
Look, I've launched so
much stuff at those cows

143
00:07:06,369 --> 00:07:09,534
during the day, I swear,
they recognize my car.

144
00:07:09,602 --> 00:07:12,933
I can't believe you guys
are going without me.

145
00:07:13,001 --> 00:07:16,067
Those cows will never know what hit them.

146
00:07:16,134 --> 00:07:18,433
And even after it hits them,

147
00:07:18,501 --> 00:07:22,065
they still won't know,

148
00:07:22,132 --> 00:07:25,231
because they're cows.

149
00:07:31,297 --> 00:07:35,895
Okay, here, Red, try this tea.

150
00:07:35,963 --> 00:07:38,794
It'll make you feel british.

151
00:07:38,862 --> 00:07:41,727
mum's the word, governor.

152
00:07:41,794 --> 00:07:43,959
Kitty, this is America.

153
00:07:44,027 --> 00:07:46,360
We bomb countries that drink tea.

154
00:07:46,428 --> 00:07:47,893
Well, that's because

155
00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:49,892
coffee keeps us awake all night,

156
00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:51,858
and we wake up in such a bad mood,

157
00:07:51,926 --> 00:07:53,225
we have to bomb someone.

158
00:07:54,959 --> 00:07:56,857
Ooh, ooh, I bet that's Jackie's mom.

159
00:07:56,925 --> 00:07:59,157
I still don't think we
should get involved in this.

160
00:07:59,224 --> 00:08:01,789
As far as I'm concerned,
this is between Jackie

161
00:08:01,856 --> 00:08:03,922
and her ditzy lush of a mom.

162
00:08:03,989 --> 00:08:07,521
Hi. You must be Red. I'm Pam Burkhart.

163
00:08:07,588 --> 00:08:10,521
It's Pam.

164
00:08:11,856 --> 00:08:15,589
You made tea. Oh, I love tea.

165
00:08:15,656 --> 00:08:17,787
So do I.

166
00:08:17,855 --> 00:08:22,020
Wipe your chin, honey. You got some drool.

167
00:08:22,088 --> 00:08:24,020
Thank you both so much for doing this.

168
00:08:24,088 --> 00:08:26,019
You know, when you are
as beautiful as I am,

169
00:08:26,087 --> 00:08:28,052
it's hard to know who
your real friends are.

170
00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:30,952
Oh, I'm sorry that you
have to go through that.

171
00:08:31,020 --> 00:08:33,052
I'm just hoping that Jackie and I

172
00:08:33,119 --> 00:08:35,717
figure out a way to get along.

173
00:08:35,785 --> 00:08:38,551
Well, you've got your low-cut,
getting-along sweater on,

174
00:08:38,619 --> 00:08:40,084
so...

175
00:08:40,151 --> 00:08:42,716
I bet that'll help.

176
00:08:42,784 --> 00:08:44,149
Hi, honey.

177
00:08:44,217 --> 00:08:45,715
Hi.

178
00:08:45,783 --> 00:08:48,649
And by "hi," I mean, not hi,
because I'm not talking to you,

179
00:08:48,716 --> 00:08:50,149
even though I'm talking now.

180
00:08:50,217 --> 00:08:52,848
So I'm just gonna stop
talking, starting now.

181
00:08:52,916 --> 00:08:56,015
Oh! Dang it. Starting now.

182
00:08:56,082 --> 00:08:58,315
And now.

183
00:08:58,382 --> 00:09:00,148
This is awkward.

184
00:09:00,215 --> 00:09:02,647
Why don't I tell a story
about something charming

185
00:09:02,714 --> 00:09:04,147
I did in Mexico?

186
00:09:04,214 --> 00:09:07,213
I'd love to hear it.

187
00:09:07,281 --> 00:09:09,213
There was this woman
on a beach in cozumel.

188
00:09:09,280 --> 00:09:11,212
and normally, I wouldn't talk to someone

189
00:09:11,280 --> 00:09:14,212
who had such bad skin, but she was selling

190
00:09:14,279 --> 00:09:16,777
the cutest hair clips, so here.

191
00:09:16,845 --> 00:09:19,344
You know, I'd tell you
that doesn't fix anything,

192
00:09:19,412 --> 00:09:21,310
but I'm not talking to you. Oh, shoot!

193
00:09:21,378 --> 00:09:24,410
Starting now!

194
00:09:24,477 --> 00:09:28,109
Yeah, nice try, Mrs. Burkhart.

195
00:09:28,177 --> 00:09:30,008
Damn, these are cute.

196
00:09:30,076 --> 00:09:32,175
Look, Jackie, when your
father got into trouble,

197
00:09:32,243 --> 00:09:33,807
I panicked,

198
00:09:33,875 --> 00:09:36,274
but that doesn't mean I
stopped caring about you.

199
00:09:36,342 --> 00:09:38,174
Jackie, if you seriously don't want these,

200
00:09:38,242 --> 00:09:40,174
can I have them?

201
00:09:40,241 --> 00:09:42,573
Look, mom, a good time to
tell me you cared about me

202
00:09:42,640 --> 00:09:44,573
was the day daddy went to prison,

203
00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:46,606
not two months later on a postcard

204
00:09:46,673 --> 00:09:49,438
from la Cantina Cucaracha in Guadalajara.

205
00:09:49,506 --> 00:09:52,971
Isn't it nice to get postcards?

206
00:09:53,039 --> 00:09:56,004
Okay, fine. Jackie, look,
I know that you've got

207
00:09:56,005 --> 00:09:57,504
hostile feelings towards me,

208
00:09:57,505 --> 00:09:59,669
but I'm your mother, and I love you.

209
00:09:59,737 --> 00:10:03,569
And I promise I'll never leave you again.

210
00:10:03,636 --> 00:10:05,002
I believe her.

211
00:10:05,070 --> 00:10:06,469
Me, too.

212
00:10:14,435 --> 00:10:17,733
Kelso, you leave for the
police academy tomorrow.

213
00:10:17,801 --> 00:10:19,933
Shouldn't you be packing
gasoline and matches

214
00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:21,999
so you can burn that one down, too?

215
00:10:22,067 --> 00:10:24,832
I don't need gasoline to burn stuff down.

216
00:10:24,900 --> 00:10:28,098
All I need is these two hands
and a lack of adult supervision.

217
00:10:28,166 --> 00:10:30,864
Anyway, I'm not going.

218
00:10:30,932 --> 00:10:33,763
I decided I didn't want to be a cop.

219
00:10:33,831 --> 00:10:35,596
But, Kelso, I thought

220
00:10:35,664 --> 00:10:37,596
you wanted to impress
the mother of your child

221
00:10:37,664 --> 00:10:39,595
and give your life a purpose

222
00:10:39,663 --> 00:10:43,162
and pull over girls
for speeding while foxy.

223
00:10:43,230 --> 00:10:45,362
No, I got my reasons.

224
00:10:45,430 --> 00:10:48,228
I mean, I don't want to leave
when things are going so good

225
00:10:48,296 --> 00:10:49,361
for me and Brooke.

226
00:10:49,429 --> 00:10:51,827
Plus, blue isn't a very good color for me.

227
00:10:51,895 --> 00:10:53,327
What, are you crazy?

228
00:10:53,395 --> 00:10:55,960
You take blue to a whole new level.

229
00:10:56,028 --> 00:10:58,193
All right, let's go blast some cows.

230
00:10:58,261 --> 00:11:00,159
Whoa. All you talk about is being a cop.

231
00:11:00,227 --> 00:11:02,159
You haven't focused on anything this hard

232
00:11:02,227 --> 00:11:04,892
since you thought you heard
your name on "Led Zeppelin II."

233
00:11:04,959 --> 00:11:07,225
It's in there.

234
00:11:07,293 --> 00:11:08,891
In "Whole lotta love,"

235
00:11:08,959 --> 00:11:12,722
he clearly sings, " Kelso lotta love."

236
00:11:12,790 --> 00:11:15,056
Kelso, I'm gonna make
sure you become a cop.

237
00:11:15,123 --> 00:11:17,855
Yeah, we're not gonna let
you throw your life away.

238
00:11:17,923 --> 00:11:19,821
I don't care about that.

239
00:11:19,889 --> 00:11:22,588
Look, I got a few things pending downtown,

240
00:11:22,656 --> 00:11:24,122
and I need someone on the inside.

241
00:11:30,289 --> 00:11:33,254
Jackie, just go see your mom.

242
00:11:33,322 --> 00:11:35,353
She chose you over golden sunsets,

243
00:11:35,421 --> 00:11:36,585
frozen margaritas.

244
00:11:36,653 --> 00:11:39,618
Man, why aren't we down there?

245
00:11:39,686 --> 00:11:41,751
Donna, you don't get her,

246
00:11:41,819 --> 00:11:44,218
because you'll never understand
the intoxicating quality

247
00:11:44,285 --> 00:11:47,717
of getting anything you
want with your looks.

248
00:11:47,784 --> 00:11:50,250
Look, she's just here till
she finds a new meal ticket.

249
00:11:50,318 --> 00:11:52,183
I don't believe that for a minute.

250
00:11:52,250 --> 00:11:54,183
I think she came back to be with you,

251
00:11:54,250 --> 00:11:56,182
not to find some lonely rich guy.

252
00:11:56,250 --> 00:11:57,915
Your mother is a lovely woman.

253
00:11:57,983 --> 00:12:01,215
Donna, Pam and I are gonna catch a movie.

254
00:12:01,282 --> 00:12:05,381
It's my first American date in months.

255
00:12:07,048 --> 00:12:09,613
Your mother is a gold-digging tramp.

256
00:12:09,680 --> 00:12:11,946
I can't believe my mom is going out

257
00:12:12,014 --> 00:12:14,046
with your Bob of a dad.

258
00:12:14,113 --> 00:12:16,712
Oh, what? He's not good enough?

259
00:12:16,779 --> 00:12:18,611
Oh, so you see it, too?

260
00:12:20,645 --> 00:12:22,777
I expected her to go
after a cool rich guy,

261
00:12:22,845 --> 00:12:25,476
like Jack Nicholson or a Bee Gee.

262
00:12:25,544 --> 00:12:28,443
You're dad is cheesy
and corny, like nachos.

263
00:12:28,510 --> 00:12:30,776
Well, then no wonder
your mom is after him.

264
00:12:30,843 --> 00:12:32,976
She'll touch anything from Mexico!

265
00:12:33,043 --> 00:12:35,142
Oh, hey, you take that back right now,

266
00:12:35,210 --> 00:12:37,574
or I will pull your hair really hard!

267
00:12:37,642 --> 00:12:39,507
Oh, yeah.

268
00:12:39,575 --> 00:12:42,374
Eric, not now.

269
00:12:42,442 --> 00:12:44,374
Look, I'm sorry, Donna,
but you cut me off,

270
00:12:44,441 --> 00:12:46,373
and I always thought it was lame

271
00:12:46,441 --> 00:12:48,373
when Kelso said that
girl fights were sexy,

272
00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:50,705
but now I can see he was very right!

273
00:12:50,773 --> 00:12:52,172
So you, hair pull, you, shirt rip.

274
00:12:52,239 --> 00:12:54,671
You'd better go talk to your mom.

275
00:12:54,739 --> 00:12:56,937
You'd better go talk to your dad.

276
00:13:01,205 --> 00:13:02,870
Hmm.

277
00:13:02,938 --> 00:13:06,869
I overplayed my hand there a little bit.

278
00:13:14,401 --> 00:13:15,932
Hey, come on, buddy.

279
00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:18,426
Time to go to cop school.

280
00:13:21,325 --> 00:13:23,388
I don't believe this.

281
00:13:23,455 --> 00:13:25,387
I know. King-size pillows
on a twin-size bed.

282
00:13:25,454 --> 00:13:27,287
Why didn't I think of that?

283
00:13:27,355 --> 00:13:30,186
Man, he just split on us.

284
00:13:31,254 --> 00:13:34,418
Ow!

285
00:13:35,486 --> 00:13:37,285
yeah, he's definitely gone.

286
00:13:37,353 --> 00:13:39,451
I guess we'll just leave then.

287
00:13:45,285 --> 00:13:48,183
Oh, that's not fair. You
guys made leaving sounds.

288
00:13:54,983 --> 00:13:56,115
Oh, come on, kitty.

289
00:13:56,183 --> 00:13:59,048
Enough with the silent treatment.

290
00:13:59,116 --> 00:14:02,847
I didn't say that I liked tea

291
00:14:02,915 --> 00:14:04,780
because Pam is pretty.

292
00:14:04,847 --> 00:14:07,612
I said that I liked tea

293
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:10,545
because you were kind enough

294
00:14:10,613 --> 00:14:14,478
and courageous enough

295
00:14:14,545 --> 00:14:17,178
to open my eyes to a whole new world

296
00:14:17,246 --> 00:14:20,077
of hot beverages,

297
00:14:20,145 --> 00:14:23,877
which is just one of
the millions of things

298
00:14:23,944 --> 00:14:26,642
that you have done to improve my life

299
00:14:26,710 --> 00:14:29,009
over all these years.

300
00:14:29,077 --> 00:14:31,742
So now I'm old.

301
00:14:33,076 --> 00:14:36,441
Mr. Forman, will you please
talk some sense into my dad?

302
00:14:36,508 --> 00:14:39,074
Last night he went on a
date with Jackie's mom.

303
00:14:39,142 --> 00:14:40,574
Oh, you hear that, Red?

304
00:14:40,641 --> 00:14:44,706
Looks like your girlfriend's stepn' out.

305
00:14:44,774 --> 00:14:47,406
Donna, Pam's just what
I've been looking for.

306
00:14:47,473 --> 00:14:50,439
I've loved pretty women,
and I've loved smart women.

307
00:14:50,506 --> 00:14:52,405
And I'm going back to pretty.

308
00:14:52,473 --> 00:14:54,972
Dad, don't you think
it's a little suspicious

309
00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:56,471
that she just got back

310
00:14:56,539 --> 00:14:58,039
and she's already latched on to you?

311
00:14:58,106 --> 00:15:00,172
I'm a very cute man, donna.

312
00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:03,538
Bob, this is clearly upsetting Donna.

313
00:15:03,606 --> 00:15:06,871
How can u date her?

314
00:15:06,939 --> 00:15:09,904
Yeah, how can you date her?

315
00:15:09,972 --> 00:15:12,604
What does that mean?

316
00:15:12,672 --> 00:15:13,704
What?

317
00:15:13,772 --> 00:15:15,371
You emphasized "her,"

318
00:15:15,438 --> 00:15:17,604
like there's something special about her.

319
00:15:17,672 --> 00:15:20,504
I just said what you said,

320
00:15:20,572 --> 00:15:23,471
but you must have missed it
because I was on my way outside

321
00:15:23,539 --> 00:15:26,005
to mow the lawn.

322
00:15:30,772 --> 00:15:34,267
Oh, man, I can't believe Donna is serious

323
00:15:34,334 --> 00:15:36,262
about this celibacy thing.

324
00:15:36,329 --> 00:15:40,821
Fez, how do you cope with not getting any?

325
00:15:40,889 --> 00:15:44,255
I think you know how I cope.

326
00:15:44,322 --> 00:15:47,054
When you don't see me, I'm coping.

327
00:15:49,155 --> 00:15:51,153
Hey, he tried to get away again.

328
00:15:51,221 --> 00:15:53,120
So I had to use his stun gun on him.

329
00:15:53,188 --> 00:15:55,153
Yeah, it didn't hurt, though.

330
00:15:55,221 --> 00:15:57,219
I've done it to myself so many times,

331
00:15:57,286 --> 00:15:59,351
I baly feel it anymore.

332
00:15:59,419 --> 00:16:00,618
Just get in the car.

333
00:16:00,686 --> 00:16:02,684
You guys can take me to the academy,

334
00:16:02,752 --> 00:16:04,151
but as soon as you leave, I'm gone.

335
00:16:04,219 --> 00:16:07,249
All right, Kelso, that's it.
I haven't had sex in weeks.

336
00:16:07,317 --> 00:16:09,549
Fez is a drought not seen

337
00:16:09,617 --> 00:16:11,983
since the great dust
bow, we are tightly wound.

338
00:16:12,050 --> 00:16:14,448
So you'd better tell us
what your real problem is,

339
00:16:14,516 --> 00:16:16,448
or we're gonna freakin' throttle you.

340
00:16:16,516 --> 00:16:18,381
I will tear you apart like a lion.

341
00:16:18,448 --> 00:16:21,914
Okay, look, I don't want to tell you guys,

342
00:16:21,982 --> 00:16:24,346
because I'm afraid you're
gonna make fun of me.

343
00:16:24,414 --> 00:16:27,546
Oh, Kelso, of course we're
gonna make fun of you.

344
00:16:27,613 --> 00:16:30,244
All right, fine. You know what?

345
00:16:30,312 --> 00:16:32,278
It's like I'm going to a new school, okay?

346
00:16:32,345 --> 00:16:35,978
And I'm worried that I'm not
gonna be able to make friends.

347
00:16:36,045 --> 00:16:38,210
First off, I'm so much better looking

348
00:16:38,277 --> 00:16:40,009
than everyone else.

349
00:16:40,077 --> 00:16:41,842
The only reason you
guys are friends with me

350
00:16:41,910 --> 00:16:45,507
is 'cause you met me before I blossomed.

351
00:16:45,575 --> 00:16:47,640
Man, you should be worried about something

352
00:16:47,708 --> 00:16:49,240
that could actually happen,

353
00:16:49,308 --> 00:16:51,940
like handcuffing yourself to a horse.

354
00:16:52,008 --> 00:16:54,238
Look, Kelso, here's the thing...

355
00:16:54,306 --> 00:16:57,271
You've stolen my stuff,
and you've burned my stuff,

356
00:16:57,338 --> 00:17:00,637
you've even groped my stuff.

357
00:17:00,704 --> 00:17:02,969
But I still hang out with you

358
00:17:03,037 --> 00:17:06,168
because you are a great guy.

359
00:17:06,235 --> 00:17:08,101
Come on, you're Michael Kelso, right?

360
00:17:08,168 --> 00:17:09,800
You're bulletproof.

361
00:17:09,868 --> 00:17:14,098
Damn it, you're right. I am bulletproof.

362
00:17:14,166 --> 00:17:16,702
All right, let's get going. All right!

363
00:17:16,770 --> 00:17:18,704
Hey, by the way,

364
00:17:18,772 --> 00:17:22,040
you're not actually bulletproof.

365
00:17:26,775 --> 00:17:28,773
Where do you think you're going?

366
00:17:28,841 --> 00:17:30,372
To the backyard.

367
00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:33,405
Unh-unh, I'm going to the backyard.

368
00:17:33,473 --> 00:17:34,772
Whatever.

369
00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:37,238
Oh, don't give me that dirty
look and say, "whatever."

370
00:17:37,306 --> 00:17:38,905
That is my thing!

371
00:17:38,973 --> 00:17:41,471
Oh, my God!

372
00:17:41,539 --> 00:17:43,571
Hot tub!

373
00:17:44,638 --> 00:17:46,637
Mom, what are you doing in there

374
00:17:46,705 --> 00:17:48,104
with that wet, hairy man?

375
00:17:48,170 --> 00:17:50,502
And why are you wearing a white swimsuit?

376
00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:51,903
It's winter!

377
00:17:51,970 --> 00:17:54,402
Bobby and I are just having a soak.

378
00:17:54,469 --> 00:17:56,201
Bobby?

379
00:17:56,269 --> 00:17:59,668
When did we get a hot tub, Bobby?

380
00:17:59,736 --> 00:18:01,701
Me and Pammy were out shopping,

381
00:18:01,769 --> 00:18:03,700
and I saw it, so I bought it.

382
00:18:03,768 --> 00:18:06,567
Even got the good one
with the euphoria jet.

383
00:18:07,801 --> 00:18:09,233
I love it in here.

384
00:18:09,300 --> 00:18:11,666
You know, if you put salt around the rim,

385
00:18:11,734 --> 00:18:13,666
it'd be like being in a giant margarita.

386
00:18:13,733 --> 00:18:15,165
Hey, what the hell, right?

387
00:18:15,233 --> 00:18:17,032
I have all this extra money,

388
00:18:17,100 --> 00:18:19,032
and Pammy here helped me spend some.

389
00:18:19,099 --> 00:18:20,931
Yeah, that's her specialty.

390
00:18:20,999 --> 00:18:22,964
Oh, you shut up about my mom.

391
00:18:23,032 --> 00:18:24,964
Thank you, Jackie.

392
00:18:25,032 --> 00:18:26,463
I wasn't defending you, ok?

393
00:18:26,531 --> 00:18:27,930
This is just really weird.

394
00:18:27,998 --> 00:18:30,129
Oh, can you both at
least put your hands up

395
00:18:30,197 --> 00:18:31,462
where I can see them?

396
00:18:31,530 --> 00:18:32,963
Enough, all right?

397
00:18:33,030 --> 00:18:34,962
I like Pam, and she likes me.

398
00:18:35,030 --> 00:18:36,462
We're both adults.

399
00:18:36,529 --> 00:18:38,461
So if you two can't handle it,

400
00:18:38,529 --> 00:18:39,961
that's too bad.

401
00:18:40,029 --> 00:18:42,661
Now go inside. You're ruining our soak.

402
00:18:42,728 --> 00:18:45,093
This soak is over.

403
00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:46,893
Then we'll go inside.

404
00:18:46,961 --> 00:18:48,959
Dad, are you naked?

405
00:18:49,027 --> 00:18:51,492
How else am I gonna try the euphoria jet?

406
00:18:58,957 --> 00:19:00,455
Okay, I know we both

407
00:19:00,523 --> 00:19:02,455
have different reasons
for wanting our parents

408
00:19:02,523 --> 00:19:04,087
to stop seeing each other,

409
00:19:04,155 --> 00:19:07,154
like I hate your mom,
and your mom's a tramp.

410
00:19:07,221 --> 00:19:09,820
But we have to join forces
and do everything we can

411
00:19:09,888 --> 00:19:10,787
to break them up.

412
00:19:10,854 --> 00:19:11,820
I'm with you, Donna.

413
00:19:11,887 --> 00:19:13,785
All the couples I've broken up before

414
00:19:13,853 --> 00:19:16,284
were just training till now.

415
00:19:16,352 --> 00:19:18,283
This one's not for popularity

416
00:19:18,351 --> 00:19:20,282
or to make another girl cry.

417
00:19:20,350 --> 00:19:23,548
It's for my beautiful mom and
your mayonnaise-lovin' dad.

418
00:19:23,616 --> 00:19:25,480
Ooh, how's it going, girls?

419
00:19:25,548 --> 00:19:26,947
Not good.

420
00:19:27,015 --> 00:19:29,446
We just saw Bob and Pam in a hot tub.

421
00:19:29,481 --> 00:19:31,446
Bob and Pam are in a hot tub?

422
00:19:31,514 --> 00:19:33,415
Pam's in a hot tub?

423
00:19:35,688 --> 00:19:37,724
There. You did it again.

424
00:19:37,792 --> 00:19:40,392
And this time, you didn't even say "Bob."

425
00:19:40,459 --> 00:19:42,325
Yes, I did.

426
00:19:42,392 --> 00:19:43,591
No, you didn't.

427
00:19:43,659 --> 00:19:45,090
Yes, I did.

428
00:19:45,158 --> 00:19:47,090
And you would have heard it, too,

429
00:19:47,158 --> 00:19:49,957
if it hadn't been for all that damn tea.

430
00:19:50,024 --> 00:19:53,089
You know, I fought a war to keep that crap

431
00:19:53,157 --> 00:19:54,589
out of this country,

432
00:19:54,657 --> 00:19:57,088
and you had to bring it into my house.

433
00:19:57,156 --> 00:20:00,088
And you call yourself an American, huh?

434
00:20:05,555 --> 00:20:08,587
ok. I'm all set.

435
00:20:08,654 --> 00:20:11,253
So here I go.

436
00:20:11,320 --> 00:20:13,786
Kelso, you're gonna do great.

437
00:20:13,854 --> 00:20:15,285
But, hey, just in case,

438
00:20:15,353 --> 00:20:17,285
I packed some extra cookies in your lunch

439
00:20:17,353 --> 00:20:20,384
to help you make friends.

440
00:20:20,452 --> 00:20:23,684
Oh, um, I ate the cookies

441
00:20:25,017 --> 00:20:29,016
try to find a friend who likes carrots.

442
00:20:29,083 --> 00:20:33,082
Ok. Well...

443
00:20:33,150 --> 00:20:34,981
Guess this is it.

444
00:20:35,049 --> 00:20:38,448
Hey, give those cows hell, boys.

445
00:20:44,514 --> 00:20:46,280
Hey, Kelso,

446
00:20:46,347 --> 00:20:48,813
I love you!

447
00:20:50,013 --> 00:20:51,279
Shut up!

448
00:20:51,346 --> 00:20:54,278
I love you, too, Kelso!

449
00:20:54,346 --> 00:20:55,945
You guys, quit it!

450
00:20:56,012 --> 00:20:58,411
I love you the most!

451
00:21:02,245 --> 00:21:04,210
We were just kidding.

452
00:21:04,278 --> 00:21:07,510
So was I. S-so was I.

453
00:21:13,020 --> 00:21:14,586
I can't believe there were no cows, man.

454
00:21:14,654 --> 00:21:18,653
Yeah, what are we gonna do
with all these bottle rockets?

455
00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:28,951
Fine, I'll be the cow.

456
00:21:29,019 --> 00:21:30,918
But this time, count all the way to ten.

457
00:21:31,786 --> 00:21:33,552
You got it, buddy.

458
00:21:35,586 --> 00:21:37,451
One. Ten.

459
00:21:37,518 --> 00:21:40,449
— Sync by Sarina —
— Transcript by Addic7ed.com —