1
00:00:09,226 --> 00:00:11,654
Well, you're awfully happy.

2
00:00:11,721 --> 00:00:13,019
We're having a cocktail party.

3
00:00:13,087 --> 00:00:14,783
What's not to be happy about?

4
00:00:14,850 --> 00:00:16,646
Red, the last time we had a party,

5
00:00:16,714 --> 00:00:20,777
you called the cops and had
them tow everyone's car.

6
00:00:20,845 --> 00:00:22,816
Drunk people looking
for their cars.

7
00:00:22,884 --> 00:00:24,152
That was funny.

8
00:00:24,220 --> 00:00:25,752
Oh, you're just giddy

9
00:00:25,820 --> 00:00:28,617
because Bob's bringing his
pretty new girlfriend over.

10
00:00:28,685 --> 00:00:30,614
Oh, Kitty, don't be ridiculous.

11
00:00:30,682 --> 00:00:33,311
I'm just happy. Now why do you
want to ruin my happiness?

12
00:00:33,379 --> 00:00:36,309
Because that's what a wife does.

13
00:00:36,377 --> 00:00:37,777
You know, my dad dating your mom

14
00:00:37,778 --> 00:00:39,846
goes against all
the laws of nature.

15
00:00:39,847 --> 00:00:44,180
I mean, you don't see a
giraffe with a panda bear.

16
00:00:44,248 --> 00:00:47,050
You know, my dad being the
cute, fuzzy panda bear,

17
00:00:47,118 --> 00:00:49,049
and your mom being the evil,

18
00:00:49,117 --> 00:00:51,747
money-hungry unnaturally
tan giraffe.

19
00:00:51,815 --> 00:00:53,815
Well, I've had it with them, too.

20
00:00:53,816 --> 00:00:56,217
Last night your dad
burped in front of my mom,

21
00:00:56,218 --> 00:00:57,683
and she laughed, Donna.

22
00:00:57,684 --> 00:00:58,683
Laughed!

23
00:01:01,049 --> 00:01:02,816
Okay, we're Burkharts.

24
00:01:02,884 --> 00:01:06,151
We don't burp, and we don't
tolerate people who do.

25
00:01:06,219 --> 00:01:09,486
Hey, everybody, I brought a date.

26
00:01:10,487 --> 00:01:12,186
Look how tall she is.

27
00:01:12,254 --> 00:01:14,554
It's like I'm dating
the statue of liberty.

28
00:01:15,855 --> 00:01:18,787
Oh, Kitty, I just love
coming over to your house.

29
00:01:18,855 --> 00:01:20,587
You have such unique tastes.

30
00:01:20,655 --> 00:01:24,588
It's like being at a
giant flea market.

31
00:01:24,655 --> 00:01:26,721
And like at every flea market,

32
00:01:26,789 --> 00:01:29,089
Bob's gonna leave with
the tackiest thing here.

33
00:01:30,956 --> 00:01:33,122
Pam, come on in.

34
00:01:33,190 --> 00:01:36,123
I made your favorite drink...
Tequila sunrise.

35
00:01:36,191 --> 00:01:39,022
Red, always the gentleman.

36
00:01:39,090 --> 00:01:41,955
Yeah, well...

37
00:01:42,023 --> 00:01:43,654
Red, Red, honey,

38
00:01:43,722 --> 00:01:45,487
where's my favorite drink?

39
00:01:45,554 --> 00:01:48,120
I didn't know you had a
favorite drink, Kitty,

40
00:01:48,188 --> 00:01:50,686
seeing as how much
you like all drinks.

41
00:01:50,753 --> 00:01:53,518
I'll take a drink, Red.

42
00:01:53,586 --> 00:01:56,684
Beer's in the garage, Bob.

43
00:01:56,752 --> 00:01:59,584
Mrs. Burkhart?

44
00:01:59,652 --> 00:02:01,584
That's weird.

45
00:02:01,652 --> 00:02:04,885
Golly, I didn't know
you were dropping by.

46
00:02:04,953 --> 00:02:07,186
Yeah, you did.

47
00:02:07,253 --> 00:02:09,252
I told you she was,

48
00:02:09,320 --> 00:02:12,252
and you said, "oh, boy,
I'm gonna wear my suit."

49
00:02:12,320 --> 00:02:12,986
Well, I'm sorry, Donna.

50
00:02:12,987 --> 00:02:15,387
Is there some kind of law
against being handsome?

51
00:02:15,454 --> 00:02:17,187
Because if there is,

52
00:02:17,254 --> 00:02:21,153
then guilty as charged.

53
00:02:21,221 --> 00:02:25,152
Mrs. Burkhart, when
did you get here?

54
00:02:25,220 --> 00:02:27,518
Is it too much for you people

55
00:02:27,586 --> 00:02:29,585
to let me know that
we have company?

56
00:02:30,652 --> 00:02:31,885
One bronzed-up tart in the room,

57
00:02:31,953 --> 00:02:33,885
and all the men turn into a bunch

58
00:02:33,953 --> 00:02:36,052
of oversexed fraternity boys.

59
00:02:36,119 --> 00:02:37,918
Kitty, you're just
imagining things.

60
00:02:37,986 --> 00:02:41,251
What's she wearing?

61
00:02:41,319 --> 00:02:43,917
Sync by Sarina Transcript
by Addic7ed.com

62
00:03:21,665 --> 00:03:23,898
Oh, I cannot believe you kids,

63
00:03:23,965 --> 00:03:27,464
trying to sneak off
with my good gin.

64
00:03:27,532 --> 00:03:29,497
Yeah, I shoulda known.

65
00:03:29,565 --> 00:03:31,798
She can smell booze
from a mile away.

66
00:03:31,866 --> 00:03:34,864
Excuse me?

67
00:03:34,932 --> 00:03:38,630
Oh, I said, "you smell like
booze from a mile away."

68
00:03:40,531 --> 00:03:42,563
That's worse, dumb-ass!

69
00:03:44,531 --> 00:03:46,030
Oh, what a lovely evening.

70
00:03:46,031 --> 00:03:48,463
if I didn't know any better,

71
00:03:48,530 --> 00:03:50,864
I'd swear I was with rich people.

72
00:03:50,932 --> 00:03:53,298
She's got it all...

73
00:03:53,365 --> 00:03:55,898
Looks and beauty.

74
00:03:55,966 --> 00:03:57,898
Pam, you want another drink?

75
00:03:57,966 --> 00:03:59,665
Honey, you shouldn't be drinking.

76
00:03:59,733 --> 00:04:02,233
You have a doctor's
appointment tomorrow.

77
00:04:02,301 --> 00:04:06,066
He has a heart condition.
He's very old.

78
00:04:08,268 --> 00:04:11,800
I never thought I'd say
this, but I wish I was Bob.

79
00:04:11,868 --> 00:04:12,935
I wonder if she'd like

80
00:04:12,936 --> 00:04:14,969
to watch "the graduate"
with me some night.

81
00:04:15,037 --> 00:04:17,270
One time back when I
was dating Jackie,

82
00:04:17,336 --> 00:04:20,003
Pam was trying to
wash her car, right,

83
00:04:20,071 --> 00:04:22,837
and she leaned over and, like,
squeezed out the sponge.

84
00:04:22,904 --> 00:04:24,670
That's all I remember,

85
00:04:24,737 --> 00:04:27,270
cause I rode my bike
straight into a tree.

86
00:04:29,337 --> 00:04:31,603
Oh, look at her.

87
00:04:31,670 --> 00:04:34,270
Would you ever want me
to show that much leg?

88
00:04:34,337 --> 00:04:36,502
Absolutely not.

89
00:04:36,570 --> 00:04:39,237
And why not?

90
00:04:39,304 --> 00:04:42,437
You set me up.

91
00:04:44,238 --> 00:04:47,138
Jackie, I can't see
your mom's hand,

92
00:04:47,206 --> 00:04:49,871
which means it's on my dad's butt.

93
00:04:49,939 --> 00:04:51,872
We have to break 'em up.

94
00:04:51,940 --> 00:04:54,206
I've been bad-mouthing
Pinciottis for years.

95
00:04:54,273 --> 00:04:55,906
I can be one.

96
00:04:55,974 --> 00:04:57,974
So that's when I realized

97
00:04:58,041 --> 00:05:01,607
that "tapas" sounds a
lot like "topless."

98
00:05:01,675 --> 00:05:06,008
But I had already promised, so...

99
00:05:06,076 --> 00:05:07,708
Hey, mrs. Burkhart,

100
00:05:07,775 --> 00:05:10,441
why don't I throw on some
music for us to, uh...

101
00:05:10,509 --> 00:05:11,941
Shake our booties to?

102
00:05:12,009 --> 00:05:14,208
Hey, stop acting like an ass

103
00:05:14,209 --> 00:05:17,308
in front of the pretty lady.

104
00:05:17,375 --> 00:05:20,042
That's ok, Red. I think he's cute.

105
00:05:20,109 --> 00:05:23,307
Yeah, well, he is
my son, you know.

106
00:05:27,308 --> 00:05:30,008
Well, good party, good party.

107
00:05:30,075 --> 00:05:32,008
When Pam and I were dancing,

108
00:05:32,075 --> 00:05:36,807
she, uh, "accidentally"
brushed my butt.

109
00:05:36,875 --> 00:05:39,239
And tell 'em what
happened after that.

110
00:05:39,307 --> 00:05:41,107
Well, then I said,

111
00:05:41,175 --> 00:05:43,940
"hey, you can squeeze
my butt anytime."

112
00:05:44,007 --> 00:05:47,106
And then it got really quiet.

113
00:05:47,173 --> 00:05:49,639
And then she walked over to Bob,

114
00:05:49,707 --> 00:05:53,407
and they were talking
and pointing at me.

115
00:05:53,474 --> 00:05:56,107
Then you tried to laugh it off,

116
00:05:56,175 --> 00:05:58,774
and you spit dip up on your shirt.

117
00:06:00,442 --> 00:06:02,441
Then you tried to do that joke

118
00:06:02,508 --> 00:06:04,574
where you scoop the dip off
your shirt with a chip,

119
00:06:04,642 --> 00:06:06,842
and none laughed, and here we are.

120
00:06:08,010 --> 00:06:10,109
You know, there's a
lot of talk about Pam,

121
00:06:10,177 --> 00:06:13,476
but, Eric, I still have
feelings for your mom.

122
00:06:13,543 --> 00:06:17,177
I mean, she comes off all
pure, but she's dirty.

123
00:06:17,244 --> 00:06:20,677
Why can't my dad just see that
Pam is a total gold digger?

124
00:06:20,744 --> 00:06:23,444
Oh, would you stop saying that?

125
00:06:23,512 --> 00:06:26,911
Hey, either she digs for
gold or she doesn't.

126
00:06:26,979 --> 00:06:28,777
It's easy to check.

127
00:06:28,845 --> 00:06:31,144
Are her boots muddy?

128
00:06:31,211 --> 00:06:33,677
Does she carry a pickax?

129
00:06:33,745 --> 00:06:36,010
When she comes home does she say,

130
00:06:36,078 --> 00:06:39,476
"tough day at the gold mine"?

131
00:06:39,544 --> 00:06:42,010
No, Fez, a gold digger
is what these idiots

132
00:06:42,078 --> 00:06:44,610
call a woman who knows that
love eventually wears off,

133
00:06:44,678 --> 00:06:46,677
but money is forever.

134
00:06:48,311 --> 00:06:50,343
You guys, all I know is

135
00:06:50,411 --> 00:06:52,944
pretty tan lady touched my butt.

136
00:06:53,011 --> 00:06:55,944
And that is more action
than I've gotten in weeks.

137
00:06:56,011 --> 00:06:57,643
Keep it up,

138
00:06:57,711 --> 00:07:00,377
and you'll be having
sex with yourself.

139
00:07:01,511 --> 00:07:03,377
I mean, how does Bob

140
00:07:03,444 --> 00:07:05,677
pull all these foxes
like Midge and Pam?

141
00:07:05,745 --> 00:07:08,677
He's got to have something
the ladies can't resist.

142
00:07:08,745 --> 00:07:11,511
Hey, Donna, you ever
see your dad naked?

143
00:07:11,578 --> 00:07:13,477
My God!

144
00:07:13,545 --> 00:07:16,377
Can we please talk about
anything besides that?

145
00:07:16,445 --> 00:07:18,210
You're way off, Hyde.

146
00:07:18,278 --> 00:07:20,577
Women love Bob for
his sense of humor.

147
00:07:20,645 --> 00:07:23,644
That sucker's funnier
than a dixie cup.

148
00:07:23,712 --> 00:07:25,144
No. All right,

149
00:07:25,211 --> 00:07:27,944
how it works is relationships
are based on a point system.

150
00:07:28,012 --> 00:07:30,644
All right, see, Pam
is good looking.

151
00:07:30,712 --> 00:07:32,611
So that's 20 points.

152
00:07:32,679 --> 00:07:35,110
And Bob, he's, like, the
nicest guy in the world,

153
00:07:35,178 --> 00:07:37,244
so that's, like, what, a point?

154
00:07:39,178 --> 00:07:43,045
But Bob's got money,
and that's 19 points.

155
00:07:43,112 --> 00:07:44,778
And altogether, that's 20.

156
00:07:44,846 --> 00:07:47,278
Now you add the whole thing
together, and that's 40,

157
00:07:47,345 --> 00:07:50,110
Which is incidentally
almost half my score.

158
00:07:52,345 --> 00:07:54,711
?

159
00:07:56,545 --> 00:07:58,644
I don't care what
that doctor says.

160
00:07:58,712 --> 00:08:01,644
I'm not wearing this
stupid heart monitor.

161
00:08:03,145 --> 00:08:06,011
It makes me look
like a damn robot.

162
00:08:06,078 --> 00:08:09,244
Red, I'm sure you won't
even know it's there.

163
00:08:09,312 --> 00:08:11,744
It'll only beep if your heart
rate goes above normal,

164
00:08:11,812 --> 00:08:14,143
like when you get
agitated or excited

165
00:08:14,211 --> 00:08:17,744
or extra angry or extra happy.

166
00:08:17,812 --> 00:08:21,177
I'm putting my money
on extra angry.

167
00:08:21,244 --> 00:08:25,011
I bet the damn thing
doesn't even work.

168
00:08:25,078 --> 00:08:26,544
You know what, Red?
Your attitude stinks.

169
00:08:26,612 --> 00:08:27,878
You wouldn't be in this mess

170
00:08:27,945 --> 00:08:29,911
if you'd just listened
to me in the first place.

171
00:08:29,979 --> 00:08:31,045
Kitty...

172
00:08:31,111 --> 00:08:33,143
I told you to eat more
fiber in the mornings.

173
00:08:33,211 --> 00:08:35,210
I told you to exercise,

174
00:08:35,278 --> 00:08:37,744
to wear more comfortable
shoes for circulation.

175
00:08:37,812 --> 00:08:39,243
Did you listen? No.

176
00:08:39,311 --> 00:08:41,744
So I guess I'm just
gonna keep telling you

177
00:08:41,812 --> 00:08:43,043
and telling you and telling you.

178
00:08:47,411 --> 00:08:50,676
What do you know? It does work.

179
00:08:52,677 --> 00:08:55,309
?

180
00:08:55,376 --> 00:08:59,141
Hey, I can't believe you
guys aren't in Bob's hot tub.

181
00:08:59,209 --> 00:09:01,374
You know, I feel
like Warren Beatty

182
00:09:01,442 --> 00:09:03,908
in a movie about a hot tub.

183
00:09:03,976 --> 00:09:07,941
He's, like, hot
tubbin', then, like...

184
00:09:08,009 --> 00:09:10,374
Other stuff happens.

185
00:09:10,442 --> 00:09:12,441
Kelso, just so you know,

186
00:09:12,509 --> 00:09:14,608
Bob was in there an hour ago,

187
00:09:14,676 --> 00:09:17,441
so you are, like, covered
in hot, bubbly Bob.

188
00:09:19,509 --> 00:09:21,608
Dad, will you please listen to us?

189
00:09:21,676 --> 00:09:23,108
We talked about it,

190
00:09:23,175 --> 00:09:26,074
and we really think you
need to break up with Pam.

191
00:09:26,142 --> 00:09:27,575
No way. Open your eyes!

192
00:09:27,643 --> 00:09:29,542
Everyone can see what
a big mistake this is.

193
00:09:29,610 --> 00:09:33,108
Oh, so everyone here thinks I
should just break up with Pam?

194
00:09:33,176 --> 00:09:34,975
I say stick with her, Bob.

195
00:09:35,042 --> 00:09:37,675
My only advice is take pictures,

196
00:09:37,743 --> 00:09:40,208
otherwise no one's
gonna believe you.

197
00:09:40,276 --> 00:09:42,375
Don't listen to him.

198
00:09:42,443 --> 00:09:45,175
He grew up poor. He's stupid.

199
00:09:45,242 --> 00:09:47,308
What do you think, Eric?

200
00:09:47,376 --> 00:09:51,441
Yeah, Eric, what do you think?

201
00:09:51,509 --> 00:09:54,174
I hope it's the right answer.

202
00:09:56,008 --> 00:09:58,641
You love that woman for
all she's worth, Bob!

203
00:09:58,709 --> 00:10:00,474
Eric!

204
00:10:00,542 --> 00:10:03,307
What are you gonna do, cut
me off from sex again?

205
00:10:03,375 --> 00:10:06,440
I agree with Forman, Bob.
I think you should keep her.

206
00:10:06,508 --> 00:10:07,941
I mean, you're you,

207
00:10:08,008 --> 00:10:11,440
and you're getting
me-quality girls.

208
00:10:11,508 --> 00:10:15,007
You're living life
Kelso-style. Enjoy.

209
00:10:15,075 --> 00:10:17,073
Oh, I am so sorry I'm late.

210
00:10:17,141 --> 00:10:19,141
I locked my keys in the car,

211
00:10:19,208 --> 00:10:21,241
and I had to use a coat
hanger to jimmy the lock.

212
00:10:21,308 --> 00:10:23,241
I had to reach down in there,

213
00:10:23,308 --> 00:10:25,307
and I had to shimmy
and shimmy and shimmy

214
00:10:25,375 --> 00:10:27,341
until the darn thing
finally popped open.

215
00:10:27,409 --> 00:10:30,307
Boy, I'm sorry I missed that.

216
00:10:30,375 --> 00:10:33,208
Yeah, could act it out
for us one more time?

217
00:10:35,176 --> 00:10:37,642
Look, mom, Donna and I decided

218
00:10:37,709 --> 00:10:39,842
that you two can't see
each other anymore.

219
00:10:39,910 --> 00:10:42,775
We're your children,
and we love you,

220
00:10:42,842 --> 00:10:44,641
but your happiness

221
00:10:44,709 --> 00:10:46,675
is much less important than ours.

222
00:10:46,742 --> 00:10:49,675
Jackie, when your dad
went away to jail,

223
00:10:49,743 --> 00:10:52,475
I decided to do
some work on myself.

224
00:10:52,543 --> 00:10:54,609
Not on the outside, obviously,

225
00:10:54,677 --> 00:10:56,509
because, well, come on.

226
00:10:56,577 --> 00:10:58,742
But on the inside,

227
00:10:58,810 --> 00:11:01,843
you know, the part that
doesn't matter as much.

228
00:11:01,910 --> 00:11:04,008
And I've realized
that I need a man

229
00:11:04,076 --> 00:11:06,375
who makes me feel
good about myself.

230
00:11:06,443 --> 00:11:09,375
I need you Bob.

231
00:11:09,443 --> 00:11:12,008
Aww, you know, if an
ugly woman said that,

232
00:11:12,076 --> 00:11:14,576
it just wouldn't mean as much.

233
00:11:16,976 --> 00:11:19,142
Man, if this was a movie,

234
00:11:19,210 --> 00:11:21,709
Pam would pick up Bob
and just carry him off

235
00:11:21,777 --> 00:11:23,342
to a better life.

236
00:11:23,410 --> 00:11:25,342
If this were a good movie,

237
00:11:25,410 --> 00:11:28,109
Pam would have entered
the scene topless.

238
00:11:28,177 --> 00:11:30,342
Yeah, if this were a great movie,

239
00:11:30,410 --> 00:11:33,409
they'd have a monkey friend
that did all this crazy stuff.

240
00:11:33,477 --> 00:11:35,476
You know what?
You guys were no help.

241
00:11:35,477 --> 00:11:37,309
You could have backed us up.

242
00:11:37,377 --> 00:11:39,576
And you could be sleeping with me.

243
00:11:39,644 --> 00:11:42,042
People could be doing
a lot of things.

244
00:11:42,110 --> 00:11:44,709
All right, I'm done peeing.

245
00:11:44,777 --> 00:11:47,108
Hey, can you hand me my clothes?

246
00:11:47,176 --> 00:11:50,176
Kelso, are you naked?

247
00:11:50,243 --> 00:11:52,710
No.

248
00:11:52,777 --> 00:11:55,310
Eric, could you hand
me my clothes, please?

249
00:11:55,378 --> 00:11:56,443
I'm sorry, buddy.

250
00:11:56,511 --> 00:11:58,443
I can't hear you over the hot tub.

251
00:11:58,510 --> 00:12:00,276
Did you hear him, Hyde?

252
00:12:00,343 --> 00:12:01,709
I think so.

253
00:12:01,777 --> 00:12:03,342
I think he said to take
his clothes and run away.

254
00:12:03,343 --> 00:12:04,609
Oooh.

255
00:12:04,676 --> 00:12:08,475
Guys, guys, come back!

256
00:12:08,543 --> 00:12:12,975
Well, looks like I'm
gonna have to be nude

257
00:12:13,042 --> 00:12:15,642
in front of you guys, and
that's kind of awkward.

258
00:12:15,709 --> 00:12:18,940
So I think you ladies
should nude up.

259
00:12:19,608 --> 00:12:23,607
?

260
00:12:23,674 --> 00:12:26,707
Okay, good news, Red.

261
00:12:26,774 --> 00:12:29,439
I made your favorite lunch...

262
00:12:29,507 --> 00:12:31,872
Lasagna!

263
00:12:31,940 --> 00:12:33,773
Thanks.

264
00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:35,740
"thanks"?

265
00:12:35,806 --> 00:12:39,039
Aren't you excited?
Let's hear that monitor!

266
00:12:39,106 --> 00:12:42,972
So every time you do
something nice for me,

267
00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:45,872
I'm supposed to
have a heart attack?

268
00:12:45,939 --> 00:12:49,272
Well, no, not an attack.
Just a little episode.

269
00:12:49,340 --> 00:12:51,573
Ha ha ha ha!

270
00:12:51,641 --> 00:12:55,073
I mean, what does it take
to get that beeper going?

271
00:12:55,141 --> 00:12:56,607
Hi, Red.

272
00:13:02,743 --> 00:13:07,341
Wow, that must be the
lasagna kicking in.

273
00:13:17,776 --> 00:13:19,977
Hey, what do you say

274
00:13:20,244 --> 00:13:21,744
we have some more of that lasagna?

275
00:13:21,811 --> 00:13:24,610
Boy, was that delicious.

276
00:13:24,678 --> 00:13:27,410
Beep! Beep! Beep!

277
00:13:27,478 --> 00:13:29,076
Oh, can it, Red.

278
00:13:29,144 --> 00:13:31,343
When Pam showed up, your
heart monitor went off

279
00:13:31,410 --> 00:13:33,076
like a freakin' slot machine.

280
00:13:33,144 --> 00:13:34,909
Pam had nothing to do
with that thing going off,

281
00:13:34,977 --> 00:13:36,109
Damn it!

282
00:13:36,177 --> 00:13:38,542
Oh, and look at us now.
We're arguing.

283
00:13:38,610 --> 00:13:39,942
Can't even get a beep out of you.

284
00:13:40,010 --> 00:13:43,008
Your son is a jerk.

285
00:13:48,742 --> 00:13:51,342
Come on, I am gonna prove to you

286
00:13:51,410 --> 00:13:53,276
that I am not attracted to Pam.

287
00:13:53,344 --> 00:13:54,809
Hey, guys.

288
00:13:59,044 --> 00:14:02,144
I think I'm having
a war flashback.

289
00:14:02,211 --> 00:14:04,310
I'm messed up, Kitty.

290
00:14:04,378 --> 00:14:07,211
I'm real messed up.

291
00:14:09,278 --> 00:14:11,844
I cannot believe you told
my dad to stay with Pam.

292
00:14:11,911 --> 00:14:13,777
She doesn't even like you.

293
00:14:13,845 --> 00:14:15,578
She told my dad you
groped her at the party.

294
00:14:15,645 --> 00:14:17,743
Okay, look, Donna, you and Pam

295
00:14:18,511 --> 00:14:20,209
obviously have some
serious issues.

296
00:14:20,277 --> 00:14:22,009
I think you two
should work them out

297
00:14:22,077 --> 00:14:24,610
with a good old-fashioned
pillow fight.

298
00:14:24,678 --> 00:14:27,708
Come on, Jackie, I
think maybe you should

299
00:14:27,776 --> 00:14:30,610
throw on a nightgown
and defend your mom.

300
00:14:30,678 --> 00:14:32,410
You're sick.

301
00:14:32,478 --> 00:14:34,877
And, you, you were no help either.

302
00:14:34,944 --> 00:14:37,077
Hey, I was just
agreeing with Forman,

303
00:14:37,145 --> 00:14:39,078
so he didn't look so bad.

304
00:14:39,146 --> 00:14:42,811
You said it before he did.

305
00:14:42,879 --> 00:14:45,778
Oh, yeah

306
00:14:45,846 --> 00:14:47,845
What's the big deal?

307
00:14:47,912 --> 00:14:50,179
Bob and Pam are
adults who want to do

308
00:14:50,246 --> 00:14:52,579
what comes naturally
to everybody except me.

309
00:14:52,647 --> 00:14:54,878
So I say,

310
00:14:54,946 --> 00:14:57,345
why can't I get any?

311
00:14:57,413 --> 00:15:00,579
You know, Pam wants
to be with my dad now,

312
00:15:00,647 --> 00:15:01,978
but what happens when
someone else comes along?

313
00:15:03,445 --> 00:15:06,111
I wouldn't care so much
if I could just, you know,

314
00:15:06,179 --> 00:15:07,677
test her with a hotter guy

315
00:15:07,745 --> 00:15:09,277
and see if she falls for him.

316
00:15:09,345 --> 00:15:13,244
Because I love you,

317
00:15:13,312 --> 00:15:15,810
I'll do it.

318
00:15:15,878 --> 00:15:18,444
Why would you do it?
This is a man's job.

319
00:15:18,512 --> 00:15:20,444
Don't wait up for me, baby.

320
00:15:20,512 --> 00:15:21,677
Ohh!

321
00:15:21,745 --> 00:15:23,944
No, it has to be someone her type.

322
00:15:24,012 --> 00:15:26,278
Well, I know from
her time in Mexico

323
00:15:26,345 --> 00:15:29,511
that she has a weakness for
young, dark-skinned guys.

324
00:15:33,812 --> 00:15:36,479
I guess I can ask around.

325
00:15:41,741 --> 00:15:45,575
Mmm, that smells delicious.

326
00:15:45,576 --> 00:15:46,242
What is it?

327
00:15:46,243 --> 00:15:47,375
It's not for you.

328
00:15:47,443 --> 00:15:50,375
You can go look for scraps
around the neighborhood

329
00:15:50,442 --> 00:15:52,707
like the rest of the dogs.

330
00:15:52,775 --> 00:15:55,840
Kitty, for the last time,

331
00:15:55,908 --> 00:15:58,740
I am not attracted to Pam.

332
00:15:58,807 --> 00:16:00,706
Please, believe me,

333
00:16:00,774 --> 00:16:03,139
as the husband who has shared

334
00:16:03,207 --> 00:16:06,806
your laughter and tears for...

335
00:16:06,874 --> 00:16:09,573
Many happy years.

336
00:16:09,640 --> 00:16:11,873
How many years, Red?

337
00:16:11,941 --> 00:16:14,274
All of 'em.

338
00:16:16,340 --> 00:16:18,573
You can't give me
a number, can you?

339
00:16:18,640 --> 00:16:21,839
Well, I can tell you on
a scale of one to ten,

340
00:16:21,907 --> 00:16:23,073
I love you ten.

341
00:16:24,641 --> 00:16:27,107
That's a number.

342
00:16:27,175 --> 00:16:29,807
Oh, why don't you just
take your cardiac jukebox

343
00:16:29,875 --> 00:16:31,774
over to Pam's?

344
00:16:31,841 --> 00:16:33,274
Hi, Kitty. Hi, Red.

345
00:16:33,342 --> 00:16:35,774
I thought we'd come
over and see if you two

346
00:16:35,841 --> 00:16:37,274
wanted to catch a movie.

347
00:16:42,209 --> 00:16:44,240
Why are you staring?

348
00:16:44,308 --> 00:16:46,973
Too pretty for Wisconsin?

349
00:16:48,541 --> 00:16:51,106
I get that a lot.

350
00:16:51,174 --> 00:16:53,240
You shut it off, didn't you?

351
00:16:53,308 --> 00:16:55,573
No, I did not shut it off!

352
00:16:55,641 --> 00:16:56,773
Let's hustle it up.

353
00:16:56,841 --> 00:16:58,573
I don't want to sit
behind people with hats.

354
00:17:02,242 --> 00:17:04,541
Ha!

355
00:17:04,609 --> 00:17:06,842
Look at that, nosey!

356
00:17:06,909 --> 00:17:08,709
It's not Pam.

357
00:17:08,776 --> 00:17:11,243
It's Bob, because he annoys me.

358
00:17:11,310 --> 00:17:15,342
That's true. I do.

359
00:17:15,410 --> 00:17:16,809
What are you guys talking about?

360
00:17:18,943 --> 00:17:19,909
Um...

361
00:17:19,977 --> 00:17:23,409
Ha ha ha ha!

362
00:17:26,108 --> 00:17:28,540
I, um, I sort of thought

363
00:17:28,607 --> 00:17:31,007
that Red had a crush on you.

364
00:17:31,074 --> 00:17:33,174
Oh, Kitty, I'm sorry.

365
00:17:33,241 --> 00:17:35,606
This face can bring
as much trouble

366
00:17:35,674 --> 00:17:37,441
as it does joy.

367
00:17:37,508 --> 00:17:41,441
Well, Kitty, what do you
have to say for yourself?

368
00:17:43,542 --> 00:17:45,875
It's the menopause.

369
00:17:47,076 --> 00:17:50,375
I'm messed up, Red.
I'm real messed up.

370
00:17:52,910 --> 00:17:56,076
?

371
00:18:03,244 --> 00:18:05,109
Um, hello.

372
00:18:09,943 --> 00:18:11,443
What are you doing?

373
00:18:11,509 --> 00:18:14,375
I was hired to clean the hot tub.

374
00:18:15,576 --> 00:18:18,442
But you should know that I, uh...

375
00:18:18,509 --> 00:18:22,475
Perform other services, too.

376
00:18:22,542 --> 00:18:26,242
Well, you could start
by doing a better job.

377
00:18:26,310 --> 00:18:28,809
It's still dirty.

378
00:18:28,876 --> 00:18:32,475
So you like it dirty?

379
00:18:32,543 --> 00:18:36,176
No, I want it clean.

380
00:18:36,243 --> 00:18:39,276
So you like it filthy?

381
00:18:39,343 --> 00:18:40,508
Bob!

382
00:18:40,576 --> 00:18:43,209
Whoa, I'm not into that!

383
00:18:43,277 --> 00:18:45,975
No.

384
00:18:48,308 --> 00:18:51,309
Hey, Eric, that was a good
burn stealing my clothes.

385
00:18:51,376 --> 00:18:54,309
But the laugh's on you,
'cause I borrowed your pants,

386
00:18:54,377 --> 00:18:57,075
and I'm not wearing any underwear.

387
00:19:02,443 --> 00:19:04,209
Kelso, just so you know,

388
00:19:04,277 --> 00:19:05,575
the last time I wore those pants,

389
00:19:05,643 --> 00:19:08,142
I wasn't wearing any underwear.

390
00:19:10,010 --> 00:19:12,008
Ouch. Well-played.

391
00:19:12,076 --> 00:19:14,975
Where the hell is Fez?

392
00:19:15,043 --> 00:19:17,376
He should have been back by now.

393
00:19:17,443 --> 00:19:19,776
Oh, I swear, if he touched
my mother inappropriately,

394
00:19:19,843 --> 00:19:22,076
he is never borrowing
my curling iron again.

395
00:19:22,144 --> 00:19:24,010
Man, first I wanted to be Bob.

396
00:19:24,077 --> 00:19:25,344
Now I wish I was Fez.

397
00:19:25,410 --> 00:19:27,278
What the hell is
going on this week?

398
00:19:27,345 --> 00:19:30,178
Ahem.

399
00:19:30,245 --> 00:19:33,278
Did you tell Fez to
make a move on Pam?

400
00:19:33,346 --> 00:19:35,011
'cause if you didn't,
I'm gonna box him up

401
00:19:35,079 --> 00:19:37,844
and send him back to banana town.

402
00:19:38,878 --> 00:19:41,444
Okay, I'm sick of those comments.

403
00:19:41,512 --> 00:19:44,611
I don't say I'm gonna send
you back to polyester town.

404
00:19:47,944 --> 00:19:50,609
Dad, I'm really sorry.

405
00:19:50,677 --> 00:19:52,376
It was just the only
thing we could think of

406
00:19:52,444 --> 00:19:54,943
to prove that Pam
doesn't, you know,

407
00:19:55,011 --> 00:19:56,443
really care about you.

408
00:19:56,511 --> 00:19:57,777
Well, guess what.

409
00:19:57,844 --> 00:19:58,910
She does really care about me,

410
00:19:58,978 --> 00:20:00,877
so you can stop playing
these little games,

411
00:20:00,944 --> 00:20:03,110
because Pam makes me happier

412
00:20:03,178 --> 00:20:04,777
than I have been in a long time.

413
00:20:04,845 --> 00:20:07,877
You better accept it soon,
'cause she's here to stay.

414
00:20:07,945 --> 00:20:11,643
That's right.
I will have my pretty lady.

415
00:20:12,744 --> 00:20:16,410
This Bob is back.

416
00:20:24,577 --> 00:20:27,043
Way to go, Bob!

417
00:20:27,111 --> 00:20:29,177
I love you, man!

418
00:20:30,678 --> 00:20:33,177
Bob, you're just like me.

419
00:20:33,245 --> 00:20:35,377
We give regular guys hope.

420
00:20:35,445 --> 00:20:38,378
You can't leave Pam, because...

421
00:20:38,446 --> 00:20:41,578
Because Pam's your Donna.

422
00:20:42,913 --> 00:20:46,479
Steven, am I your Donna?

423
00:20:46,547 --> 00:20:49,780
That doesn't apply to us.
We're both good-looking.

424
00:20:52,581 --> 00:20:54,913
Dad, can we at least
talk about this?

425
00:20:55,380 --> 00:20:56,913
I'm sorry, Donna.

426
00:20:56,981 --> 00:20:58,080
That's the way it's gonna be.

427
00:20:58,147 --> 00:21:01,046
I don't want to talk
about it anymore.

428
00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:04,979
Should've known this
wasn't gonna work.

429
00:21:05,046 --> 00:21:08,145
Foreigners never finish the job.

430
00:21:08,213 --> 00:21:10,377
Oh, please, if Bob
hadn't shown up,

431
00:21:10,445 --> 00:21:13,610
I'd be your stepdaddy right now.

432
00:21:22,058 --> 00:21:23,157
B-7.

433
00:21:23,225 --> 00:21:24,857
Miss.

434
00:21:24,924 --> 00:21:27,723
Oh, man, how do I
keep missing you?

435
00:21:27,791 --> 00:21:30,590
It's 'cause I don't
have any boats on there.

436
00:21:33,225 --> 00:21:34,990
What's that noise?

437
00:21:35,058 --> 00:21:36,923
It's my dad's heart monitor.

438
00:21:36,991 --> 00:21:38,623
Where's your mom?

439
00:21:38,691 --> 00:21:41,890
She's with him.

440
00:21:43,524 --> 00:21:47,157
Oh, take off the beeper!
Other people live here!

441
00:21:47,857 --> 00:21:49,255
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