1 00:00:03,207 --> 00:00:07,622 So.. that is all for the pictures of my mom in Cancún when she abandoned me 2 00:00:07,749 --> 00:00:11,748 Now let's move on to my mom in Acapulco when she abandoned me. 3 00:00:12,931 --> 00:00:15,523 God, I cannot believe how good your mom looks in a bikini. 4 00:00:15,842 --> 00:00:18,274 I mean, she's approaching, like, me... territory. 5 00:00:19,585 --> 00:00:21,760 Isn't the bikini a marvelous invention? 6 00:00:22,304 --> 00:00:24,319 Imagine the first Aztec who said, 7 00:00:24,831 --> 00:00:27,262 "I just gotta see some more belly button," you know? 8 00:00:27,869 --> 00:00:29,181 Yeah, the Mexicans are 9 00:00:29,341 --> 00:00:31,485 such a resourceful people. 10 00:00:31,964 --> 00:00:33,947 Eric, don't be so stupid. 11 00:00:34,050 --> 00:00:35,934 Everyone knows the French invented the bikini. 12 00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:39,537 The Mexicans just added on the top 'cause they're catholic. 13 00:00:40,765 --> 00:00:43,181 Another good example of religion dividing 14 00:00:43,509 --> 00:00:45,434 instead of uniting. 15 00:00:45,557 --> 00:00:47,050 Does anyone want a soda? - Yeah. - Please. 16 00:00:47,091 --> 00:00:49,957 And F.Y.I., If god wanted mexican women to wear tops, 17 00:00:50,244 --> 00:00:51,800 he wouldn't have created tequila. 18 00:00:55,931 --> 00:00:58,181 Where the hell's Eric with our sodas? Eric! 19 00:00:58,755 --> 00:00:59,738 Maybe he ran home. 20 00:01:00,279 --> 00:01:01,949 He's kind of a mama's boy. 21 00:01:02,833 --> 00:01:04,045 Eric. 22 00:01:04,111 --> 00:01:04,897 Oh, my god! 23 00:01:04,913 --> 00:01:05,835 I'm busy! 24 00:01:08,796 --> 00:01:09,897 Oh, my god! 25 00:01:11,392 --> 00:01:13,410 Ew! Was he going to the bathroom? 26 00:01:14,877 --> 00:01:15,520 No! 27 00:01:21,347 --> 00:01:24,185 That 70's Show - Saison 6 Episode 17 "Happy Jack" 28 00:01:24,332 --> 00:01:27,532 Synchro Par Kiff Corrections Par Guzo 29 00:01:27,674 --> 00:01:31,155 www.forom.com 30 00:01:31,252 --> 00:01:34,149 Merci à RaceMan 31 00:01:34,250 --> 00:01:37,247 Preèasoval / Retiming blsho 32 00:01:58,102 --> 00:02:01,032 Ok, ok, ok.. 33 00:02:01,185 --> 00:02:03,116 something happened, 34 00:02:04,285 --> 00:02:07,688 and, uh, I think it's safe to say 35 00:02:07,790 --> 00:02:10,230 that it was certainly in the area of horrific. 36 00:02:12,922 --> 00:02:14,904 Like war... 37 00:02:15,057 --> 00:02:18,207 or when my mom sings "do you think I'm sexy?" While she vacuums. 38 00:02:22,018 --> 00:02:23,085 What happened? 39 00:02:23,219 --> 00:02:27,639 Well, we all know that as a young man in the prime of his life, 40 00:02:28,290 --> 00:02:30,323 I have some needs. 41 00:02:31,502 --> 00:02:32,884 Amen, brother. 42 00:02:35,079 --> 00:02:37,274 Wait a minute. This is the prime of your life? 43 00:02:37,331 --> 00:02:40,258 You live at home with your mommy, and you have to wear a nametag at work. 44 00:02:41,798 --> 00:02:43,401 Anyway, uh... 45 00:02:44,669 --> 00:02:47,562 today at the house of the woman that I was... 46 00:02:48,333 --> 00:02:50,498 theoretically going to marry, 47 00:02:51,413 --> 00:02:54,826 I had some needs that I felt it necessary to take care of 48 00:02:55,118 --> 00:02:56,532 right then and there. 49 00:02:57,719 --> 00:02:59,239 In her house? 50 00:03:00,743 --> 00:03:03,557 Why don't you do it at the bus station like the other degenerates? 51 00:03:04,474 --> 00:03:05,622 It's.. I.. you know, 52 00:03:05,705 --> 00:03:08,919 I don't know. There I was. There the bathroom was. 53 00:03:10,401 --> 00:03:12,765 It was like two trains passing in the night. 54 00:03:14,883 --> 00:03:16,448 That's beautiful. 55 00:03:19,145 --> 00:03:20,643 You know, it kinda was. 56 00:03:22,858 --> 00:03:24,490 And then donna walked in. 57 00:03:25,356 --> 00:03:27,287 - Oh, my god! - She didn't! 58 00:03:28,902 --> 00:03:31,982 I can't believe we're gonna visit Kelso at the police academy this weekend. 59 00:03:32,005 --> 00:03:34,898 We're gonna miss the best part— when he makes the whole thing worse. 60 00:03:36,708 --> 00:03:39,331 How could I make this worse? 61 00:03:39,789 --> 00:03:41,475 I don't know. 62 00:03:42,245 --> 00:03:45,325 Man, it seems impossible, but you always find a way. 63 00:03:47,094 --> 00:03:50,279 You're like the little engine who could of screwing yourself. 64 00:03:52,131 --> 00:03:54,753 You know what? This is Donna's fault, with her, 65 00:03:54,816 --> 00:03:57,688 you know, no more sex till we're married crap. 66 00:03:58,334 --> 00:04:01,684 You guys have no idea how hard it's been to have no sex at all. 67 00:04:07,393 --> 00:04:09,391 Yeah, it must be horrible. 68 00:04:12,097 --> 00:04:15,031 Seriously, you guys, what do I do now? 69 00:04:16,093 --> 00:04:18,028 I say you gotta pull a nixon. 70 00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:20,006 Deny, deny, deny. 71 00:04:21,296 --> 00:04:23,003 No, you just need a good story. 72 00:04:23,086 --> 00:04:26,187 Whenever I get caught, I just tell people that I'm checking for ticks. 73 00:04:32,824 --> 00:04:35,114 Fez, how many times you been caught? 74 00:04:36,008 --> 00:04:39,000 Oh, come on, I'm not stopping just because a doorknob turns. 75 00:04:46,772 --> 00:04:48,723 Whoo, man, look at these jokers. 76 00:04:48,918 --> 00:04:51,422 Can't believe this is who Kelso hangs out with now. 77 00:04:51,488 --> 00:04:54,220 If he doesn't dunk one of these heads in a toilet bowl, I'm buying him a skirt. 78 00:04:57,182 --> 00:04:58,249 Fellas. 79 00:05:01,907 --> 00:05:03,605 It's good to see you boys. 80 00:05:03,722 --> 00:05:05,363 What the hell is that? 81 00:05:05,686 --> 00:05:08,567 Oh, the 'stache. Yeah, it's coming in nice, huh? 82 00:05:09,615 --> 00:05:11,797 That's why the call the fuzz "the fuzz." 83 00:05:12,313 --> 00:05:14,361 They're covered in fuzz. 84 00:05:15,426 --> 00:05:17,524 Like someone threw paint on the "mona lisa." 85 00:05:18,448 --> 00:05:20,384 Oh, please, Michael Kelso's a masterpiece. 86 00:05:20,426 --> 00:05:21,695 You know it. I know it. 87 00:05:23,007 --> 00:05:26,295 Yeah, about that— I'm going by "Mike" now. 88 00:05:26,711 --> 00:05:28,522 It's my cop name. 89 00:05:28,938 --> 00:05:30,208 But we call you "Kelso." 90 00:05:30,252 --> 00:05:32,577 Yeah, well, I'm gonna have to ask you to call me Mike! 91 00:05:34,905 --> 00:05:37,270 As far as the 'stache goes, I like it. 92 00:05:37,336 --> 00:05:39,051 Makes me look like an authority figure. 93 00:05:40,067 --> 00:05:42,015 Makes you look like a porn star. 94 00:05:44,065 --> 00:05:45,335 Either way. 95 00:05:47,415 --> 00:05:49,101 Cadet Mike. 96 00:05:49,413 --> 00:05:50,912 Officer Kennedy, 97 00:05:50,974 --> 00:05:52,535 you know my friends Hyde and Fez. 98 00:05:52,597 --> 00:05:53,700 Yeah, I remember. 99 00:05:53,742 --> 00:05:56,697 But it seems to me their names were trouble and maker. 100 00:05:57,743 --> 00:05:59,866 "Trouble" and "maker." 101 00:06:00,615 --> 00:06:01,885 That's clever. 102 00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:05,955 I think it's funny. They put us together, and we're troublemakers. 103 00:06:05,972 --> 00:06:06,723 Shut up. 104 00:06:09,686 --> 00:06:13,075 I hope these two delinquents don't interfere with the progress you've been making here, Mike. 105 00:06:13,107 --> 00:06:14,620 No, sir. Not at all, sir. 106 00:06:14,652 --> 00:06:17,312 Well, we'll see. I'll have my eye on you... 107 00:06:18,287 --> 00:06:19,639 on all of you. 108 00:06:21,538 --> 00:06:23,178 He's a good man. 109 00:06:23,906 --> 00:06:25,910 All right, you're really starting to creep me out. 110 00:06:25,961 --> 00:06:27,662 Help me grab the beer out of the car. 111 00:06:27,740 --> 00:06:31,122 I'm gonna drink until that mustache turns into a caterpillar and crawls away. 112 00:06:31,929 --> 00:06:35,779 Sorro can do. I got K.P. In the A.M. And P.T. In the P.M. 113 00:06:36,872 --> 00:06:38,611 Well, I don't know what any of that means, 114 00:06:38,663 --> 00:06:41,083 but I came here to drink beer and play with guns, damn it. 115 00:06:42,409 --> 00:06:45,427 Sorry, buddy, but we got lights out at 22 hundsky, 116 00:06:45,479 --> 00:06:48,419 so I'm gonna have to ask you to move along to the barracks asap. 117 00:06:48,914 --> 00:06:50,370 Did you just call me a sap? 118 00:06:52,929 --> 00:06:55,042 Asap— as soon as possible. 119 00:06:55,287 --> 00:06:57,157 Well, you're a sap right now. 120 00:07:02,604 --> 00:07:04,149 Okay, the thing is, 121 00:07:04,231 --> 00:07:05,653 I knew Eric did that, 122 00:07:05,734 --> 00:07:10,044 but knowing and seeing.. are two very different things. 123 00:07:10,897 --> 00:07:14,474 It's kind of like how I know there are rats under the house. 124 00:07:15,247 --> 00:07:18,621 But you don't want to see the rats diddling themselves in your bathroom. 125 00:07:19,191 --> 00:07:20,410 Exactly! 126 00:07:20,654 --> 00:07:22,727 But, Donna, you're missing the whole point here. 127 00:07:22,807 --> 00:07:26,406 Eric's perverted behavior can be a card you can play for the rest of your life. 128 00:07:26,518 --> 00:07:29,568 Let's just say you want Eric to buy you a diamond, 129 00:07:29,730 --> 00:07:30,625 but he says no. 130 00:07:31,072 --> 00:07:32,117 You just say, 131 00:07:32,199 --> 00:07:35,085 "why, are you busy?" 132 00:07:36,315 --> 00:07:38,389 Five minutes later, you're Elizabeth Taylor. 133 00:07:39,609 --> 00:07:43,511 Yeah, I think I need advice from a woman in a relationship not built on blackmail. 134 00:07:43,674 --> 00:07:45,706 It's called a lesbian, Donna, 135 00:07:45,828 --> 00:07:48,348 and you're gonna have to go to New York for that. 136 00:07:56,359 --> 00:07:58,682 This afternoon a cadet named Terry hit on me, 137 00:07:58,780 --> 00:08:01,626 and it makes me nervous when men with guns like me. 138 00:08:02,561 --> 00:08:05,488 Fez, cadet Terry is a woman. 139 00:08:05,651 --> 00:08:08,577 I know because I saw her putting cover-up on her chin hair. 140 00:08:10,204 --> 00:08:12,927 Well, then, hello there, cadet Terry. 141 00:08:16,301 --> 00:08:18,415 I will sit here, 142 00:08:19,097 --> 00:08:21,267 but I will not partake. 143 00:08:22,146 --> 00:08:24,427 What you're doing is illegal, 144 00:08:24,492 --> 00:08:29,046 and it could cause my mind to drift off its main goal, which is enforcing the law. 145 00:08:29,989 --> 00:08:33,143 Now I'd like you both to read some literature. 146 00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:37,663 In particular, let's take a look at "be great and go straight." 147 00:08:37,794 --> 00:08:40,395 I think that one really says it all. 148 00:08:40,525 --> 00:08:43,419 Hey, do not throw the literature! 149 00:08:44,699 --> 00:08:45,544 Kelso.. 150 00:08:45,772 --> 00:08:50,845 the fact that you're now totally lame would make me furious if I had the ability to feel anger right now, 151 00:08:52,081 --> 00:08:54,292 which I thankfully don't. 152 00:08:56,114 --> 00:08:57,967 I am not lame. 153 00:08:58,097 --> 00:08:59,886 I am grown-up. 154 00:08:59,983 --> 00:09:01,576 And when you grow up, 155 00:09:01,674 --> 00:09:03,300 you play by the rules, 156 00:09:03,788 --> 00:09:06,524 which is why I am getting rid of this. 157 00:09:08,731 --> 00:09:10,390 What is he doing? WHAT IS HE DOING? 158 00:09:11,919 --> 00:09:14,162 Don't worry, Fez. He's just screwing around. 159 00:09:16,081 --> 00:09:17,447 What? 160 00:09:19,235 --> 00:09:20,406 Baggie! 161 00:09:21,642 --> 00:09:24,342 Oh, no, he has broken you. 162 00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:27,496 You broke Hyde, you son of a bitch! 163 00:09:31,107 --> 00:09:31,887 So... 164 00:09:33,317 --> 00:09:35,789 Do you get what I'm saying? 165 00:09:39,171 --> 00:09:40,797 I think so. 166 00:09:41,867 --> 00:09:43,883 He was busy? 167 00:09:45,183 --> 00:09:46,419 In my house! 168 00:09:46,517 --> 00:09:48,663 I raised him better than that! 169 00:09:49,216 --> 00:09:52,273 I know this is weird, but I don't have anyone else to talk to. 170 00:09:52,338 --> 00:09:55,005 Really, did you call around? I could give you some numbers. 171 00:09:55,981 --> 00:09:57,834 No, no, no, I'm sorry. 172 00:09:59,005 --> 00:10:00,078 Ok 173 00:10:01,054 --> 00:10:04,073 You and Eric need to be able to talk about this. 174 00:10:04,176 --> 00:10:07,363 I'm sure it'll be awkward at first, but, well, then... 175 00:10:08,371 --> 00:10:10,973 I am afraid it's just going to be awkward all the way through. 176 00:10:12,339 --> 00:10:14,973 So do you and Red have these kinds of conversations? 177 00:10:15,363 --> 00:10:17,575 Oh, no, no, no, no. 178 00:10:17,770 --> 00:10:19,949 No, we don't talk about stuff like this. 179 00:10:20,047 --> 00:10:22,430 Red can't even be naked in a room with a mirror. 180 00:10:24,479 --> 00:10:25,032 Right. 181 00:10:26,235 --> 00:10:30,235 Well, I'm sure Eric and I will be able to talk about this like we talk about everything, 182 00:10:30,333 --> 00:10:35,210 because that's what you do. In an open, mature relationship, you face things head on. 183 00:10:35,796 --> 00:10:37,780 - Oh, god. - Dirty! 184 00:10:48,073 --> 00:10:49,534 Kelso, let us in. 185 00:10:49,661 --> 00:10:52,965 No, you're gonna hit me again. 186 00:10:53,663 --> 00:10:57,030 I'm warning you, I got a c-plus in billy club. 187 00:10:57,235 --> 00:10:59,015 just open the door! 188 00:10:59,205 --> 00:11:00,348 No. 189 00:11:03,269 --> 00:11:05,365 Damn, it's unlocked. 190 00:11:06,255 --> 00:11:08,479 I guess I'm gonna have to take you out. 191 00:11:16,418 --> 00:11:18,196 That's a nice move. 192 00:11:19,785 --> 00:11:22,262 Kelso, just relax. 193 00:11:22,579 --> 00:11:23,977 Now listen, 194 00:11:24,358 --> 00:11:25,692 we went on a walk. 195 00:11:25,819 --> 00:11:28,614 We realized you're trying to start a new life for yourself here. 196 00:11:28,741 --> 00:11:30,138 We should be supportive. 197 00:11:30,328 --> 00:11:31,874 Really? 198 00:11:32,664 --> 00:11:33,871 Thank you. 199 00:11:34,061 --> 00:11:36,538 No, thank you, buddy. 200 00:11:37,936 --> 00:11:39,778 We're gonna be great and go straight. 201 00:11:46,150 --> 00:11:47,230 You ready? 202 00:11:47,421 --> 00:11:48,501 You bet I am. 203 00:11:48,661 --> 00:11:52,108 Let's see you do Q.T. In the K.P. With this, you S.O.B. 204 00:12:00,563 --> 00:12:01,930 Morning. 205 00:12:02,059 --> 00:12:04,010 Well, if it isn't Casanova, 206 00:12:06,612 --> 00:12:09,526 the man who seduced himself. 207 00:12:10,515 --> 00:12:11,523 Oh, god. 208 00:12:11,614 --> 00:12:13,538 All right, hold it, hold it. Come back here. 209 00:12:13,575 --> 00:12:14,624 Red, be nice. 210 00:12:14,674 --> 00:12:16,239 Eric, don't be embarrassed. 211 00:12:16,705 --> 00:12:19,960 Now you know that you can talk to us about anything, so 212 00:12:20,034 --> 00:12:21,483 so come on. 213 00:12:21,550 --> 00:12:22,882 Let's rap. 214 00:12:24,614 --> 00:12:27,671 When you were a baby, you had your hands down your pants all the time. 215 00:12:30,008 --> 00:12:33,355 But that's okay, because it's natural. Red, tell him it's natural. 216 00:12:33,905 --> 00:12:35,936 What are you, an animal? 217 00:12:37,301 --> 00:12:39,399 But why wouldn't you lock the door? 218 00:12:40,197 --> 00:12:44,334 How could he lock the door when he's in there pawing himself like an animal? 219 00:12:45,869 --> 00:12:49,485 You know, some people get addicted and can't even hold down a job! 220 00:12:50,604 --> 00:12:54,428 If you can't get someone to do it for you, you do without. 221 00:12:55,506 --> 00:12:59,213 In Korea I went for two and a half years. 222 00:12:59,572 --> 00:13:01,588 Dad, you were there for three. 223 00:13:03,441 --> 00:13:05,588 What are you, an animal? 224 00:13:20,391 --> 00:13:21,139 Hey. 225 00:13:21,236 --> 00:13:22,472 Oh, hey. 226 00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:25,399 Hey, why'd you knock? 227 00:13:27,611 --> 00:13:29,692 You know why I knocked. 228 00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:33,334 Eric, you've been avoiding me all day. Let's just talk about this. 229 00:13:33,552 --> 00:13:35,841 There's nothing to talk about. 230 00:13:35,931 --> 00:13:39,281 You obviously thought you saw something that you didn't see. 231 00:13:41,952 --> 00:13:43,696 I was checking for ticks. 232 00:13:45,984 --> 00:13:47,936 - Eric! - Fine, okay, fine. 233 00:13:48,066 --> 00:13:50,251 I got caught. I'm embarrassed. 234 00:13:50,329 --> 00:13:52,593 Let's put this behind us. 235 00:13:52,801 --> 00:13:54,049 I love you. 236 00:13:54,336 --> 00:13:56,678 Okay, great. It's behind us. 237 00:13:56,756 --> 00:13:57,952 Absolutely. 238 00:13:58,707 --> 00:14:00,658 Um, I said, "I love you." 239 00:14:04,717 --> 00:14:06,433 Don't you love me, too? 240 00:14:08,437 --> 00:14:10,440 Sure, you know. Whatever. 241 00:14:12,453 --> 00:14:13,988 Can I have a hug? 242 00:14:15,653 --> 00:14:16,486 Fine. 243 00:14:19,660 --> 00:14:22,209 It's just, what got you going at my house? 244 00:14:23,847 --> 00:14:26,163 I mean, we were just sitting around looking at pictures... 245 00:14:33,003 --> 00:14:35,839 of Jackie's mom. Jackie's mom got you going? 246 00:14:35,901 --> 00:14:38,216 No! What? No! 247 00:14:40,558 --> 00:14:41,625 - Well... - oh! 248 00:14:43,446 --> 00:14:45,553 You're an animal! 249 00:14:51,821 --> 00:14:53,850 I can't wait for these guys to see Kelso. 250 00:14:54,839 --> 00:14:56,296 I think I might be giddy. 251 00:14:57,727 --> 00:14:59,886 I know. I feel like it's Christmas morning, 252 00:14:59,938 --> 00:15:03,789 except instead of toys, we get to humiliate a close friend. 253 00:15:05,144 --> 00:15:07,420 Hey, Pete. Hey, Doug. 254 00:15:11,757 --> 00:15:12,899 Hiya, boys. 255 00:15:14,170 --> 00:15:15,631 - Hi, Mike! - Hi, Mike! 256 00:15:17,790 --> 00:15:19,251 Cadet Mike, 257 00:15:19,442 --> 00:15:21,538 I suppose you think this is funny. 258 00:15:21,636 --> 00:15:22,185 What, 259 00:15:22,268 --> 00:15:26,131 You have made a mockery of the uniform, and I want an explanation right now. 260 00:15:26,214 --> 00:15:27,030 Shut up! 261 00:15:28,335 --> 00:15:29,558 Dismissed! 262 00:15:34,761 --> 00:15:35,931 What did you guys do to me? 263 00:15:36,087 --> 00:15:38,351 Did you shave my head? 264 00:15:38,637 --> 00:15:41,186 Is there something on my back? 265 00:15:41,316 --> 00:15:42,487 You know what? 266 00:15:42,591 --> 00:15:45,141 You guys are totally stuck in high school. 267 00:15:45,193 --> 00:15:49,225 I'm trying to do something better. You guys resent it. You're trying to ruin it for me. 268 00:15:49,278 --> 00:15:51,333 You know what? This stuff isn't even funny anymore. 269 00:15:51,931 --> 00:15:54,507 Oh, that's a good burn! 270 00:15:58,409 --> 00:16:01,895 So that's when I was, like, "no, I don't want highlights." 271 00:16:01,973 --> 00:16:04,860 People pay money to get their hair my color, 272 00:16:06,292 --> 00:16:08,712 not the other way around. 273 00:16:08,789 --> 00:16:12,003 Why are we feeding you again? 274 00:16:13,076 --> 00:16:15,288 'Cause I'm good company. 275 00:16:17,797 --> 00:16:21,668 Look who tore himself away from himself long enough to join us. 276 00:16:24,724 --> 00:16:27,911 Yeah, usually he's too busy for lunch. 277 00:16:28,789 --> 00:16:30,351 All right, both of you stop. 278 00:16:30,416 --> 00:16:32,822 Honey, you washed your hands, right? 279 00:16:35,619 --> 00:16:37,928 Look, dad, I can't believe I'm gonna say this, but... 280 00:16:38,904 --> 00:16:41,180 can I talk to you in private for a moment? 281 00:16:42,026 --> 00:16:43,587 No, I don't think so. 282 00:16:45,571 --> 00:16:47,814 I know the kind of things you do in private. 283 00:16:50,351 --> 00:16:52,140 - Dad... - oh, all right. 284 00:16:52,595 --> 00:16:55,197 Just keep your hands where I can see 'em. 285 00:16:57,083 --> 00:16:58,871 This really isn't getting old. 286 00:17:02,384 --> 00:17:03,132 Ok 287 00:17:03,620 --> 00:17:06,287 so you know how I do things that are horrible, 288 00:17:06,352 --> 00:17:08,758 and it seems like I can't make them any worse, 289 00:17:10,091 --> 00:17:11,457 and then I do? 290 00:17:13,030 --> 00:17:14,656 Sadly, yes. 291 00:17:15,875 --> 00:17:16,810 Well... 292 00:17:16,932 --> 00:17:18,355 I did it again. 293 00:17:18,477 --> 00:17:19,453 Again? 294 00:17:20,957 --> 00:17:23,880 How many bathrooms does that house have? - No, 295 00:17:24,879 --> 00:17:25,828 not... 296 00:17:27,767 --> 00:17:28,755 not that. 297 00:17:30,343 --> 00:17:34,558 Uh, Donna wanted to talk about the horrible thing. 298 00:17:34,610 --> 00:17:38,460 Oh! They always want to talk about it. 299 00:17:39,188 --> 00:17:41,400 Yeah, well, we talked about it. 300 00:17:41,685 --> 00:17:46,862 And in the course of talking about it, information was revealed that made it much... 301 00:17:47,721 --> 00:17:50,088 much worse. 302 00:17:50,505 --> 00:17:53,782 And that is why you never, ever talk about it. 303 00:17:54,618 --> 00:17:57,817 Have you ever noticed how often I just grunt at your mother? 304 00:18:00,939 --> 00:18:03,229 I know how to talk. I'm not an ape. 305 00:18:04,087 --> 00:18:04,867 Right. 306 00:18:05,023 --> 00:18:07,573 I just choose not to. 307 00:18:08,900 --> 00:18:09,862 Right. 308 00:18:09,966 --> 00:18:11,813 Well, it's too latefor that now 309 00:18:11,917 --> 00:18:14,415 since you screwed up and talked about it. 310 00:18:15,456 --> 00:18:17,173 There's only one thing to do. 311 00:18:17,666 --> 00:18:20,529 Go on the offensive. Counter attack. 312 00:18:20,684 --> 00:18:22,766 What? That's suicide, man. 313 00:18:23,650 --> 00:18:26,018 They'll never expect it. It throws 'em off. 314 00:18:26,122 --> 00:18:29,764 You know, one time in Korea, we had this little guy outnumbered 20 to 1. 315 00:18:29,946 --> 00:18:32,574 But then he ran at us screaming his head off. 316 00:18:32,704 --> 00:18:36,892 And we were so taken off guard, that we dove right into our foxholes. 317 00:18:38,506 --> 00:18:40,199 - And he got away? - No, no. 318 00:18:42,098 --> 00:18:46,598 No, I mean we were startled for a few seconds, but then the whole company just opened up on him. 319 00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:52,262 Listen up, Donna. I got something to say. 320 00:18:52,331 --> 00:18:54,282 Okay, but be careful. 321 00:18:54,386 --> 00:18:56,312 Jackie's mom was here earlier. 322 00:18:57,482 --> 00:19:01,437 I don't want you to catch a whiff of her perfume and have to sexually assault yourself in the hallway. 323 00:19:02,584 --> 00:19:05,030 No, no, no, no. I talk. You listen. 324 00:19:05,342 --> 00:19:07,891 Okay, this is all your fault. 325 00:19:08,620 --> 00:19:11,352 Yeah, do you have any idea what your celibacy thing is doing to me? 326 00:19:11,410 --> 00:19:13,502 My needs have risen to near.. 327 00:19:13,568 --> 00:19:15,286 Fezian levels. 328 00:19:17,081 --> 00:19:18,798 He is a sick bastard, Donna, 329 00:19:18,833 --> 00:19:21,116 and now, thanks to you, so am I! 330 00:19:21,882 --> 00:19:25,296 Yeah, that's right, donna! You created a monster. I can't leave myself alone! 331 00:19:27,119 --> 00:19:28,410 You know what? You're right. 332 00:19:29,054 --> 00:19:30,074 I'm sorry. 333 00:19:30,324 --> 00:19:31,219 You are? 334 00:19:31,760 --> 00:19:32,780 I mean, um... 335 00:19:33,966 --> 00:19:35,486 yeah, damn right you are. 336 00:19:36,588 --> 00:19:38,358 No, this has been really hard, 337 00:19:38,919 --> 00:19:41,126 and this celibacy thing was my idea, so 338 00:19:41,854 --> 00:19:44,289 I need to accept some responsibility for the odd and 339 00:19:44,373 --> 00:19:46,599 disgusting things you do. 340 00:19:47,557 --> 00:19:49,410 That's right, you do. 341 00:19:49,534 --> 00:19:52,386 But, you know, next time, be like a normal person. 342 00:19:52,676 --> 00:19:54,695 Go to your room, lock the door, 343 00:19:54,758 --> 00:19:58,255 light some candles, put on some al green and make an evening of it. 344 00:20:00,710 --> 00:20:03,853 Wow, Donna, that was really detailed. 345 00:20:04,685 --> 00:20:06,393 It's almost like... 346 00:20:11,616 --> 00:20:13,447 oh, my god. 347 00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:18,150 You do it, too! 348 00:20:19,149 --> 00:20:20,211 What? 349 00:20:20,294 --> 00:20:22,083 No, no! 350 00:20:22,812 --> 00:20:26,330 I noticed the candles getting lower, even though I'd never seen them lit! 351 00:20:28,349 --> 00:20:31,075 All right, this conversation is over! 352 00:20:35,063 --> 00:20:35,875 Wow 353 00:20:38,976 --> 00:20:42,327 So this is where it all happens. 354 00:20:51,921 --> 00:20:53,690 So they make an evening of it? 355 00:20:54,190 --> 00:20:56,687 Yeah, candles, music. 356 00:20:56,791 --> 00:20:59,060 God, girls do everything better. 357 00:21:00,017 --> 00:21:01,619 You don't suppose Jackie... 358 00:21:02,764 --> 00:21:05,345 nah, she won't even go to a self-serve gas station. 359 00:21:05,948 --> 00:21:08,550 What would happen if I walked in during one of their evenings? 360 00:21:08,654 --> 00:21:12,246 Are they like us where even though we're alone, we welcome a visitor? 361 00:21:13,307 --> 00:21:17,178 It's not like they'd rather do it themselves, when they could have a man do it, right? 362 00:21:17,241 --> 00:21:19,114 - Yeah. - Right.