1 00:00:34,441 --> 00:00:36,026 Where does this guy live anyway? 2 00:00:36,151 --> 00:00:38,278 - Brookline. - Man, he must be fuckin' loaded. 3 00:00:38,403 --> 00:00:39,696 Goddamn right he's loaded. 4 00:00:39,821 --> 00:00:41,406 He's a big shot lawyer. 5 00:00:41,531 --> 00:00:43,366 Guy's got more money than he knows what to do with. 6 00:00:43,491 --> 00:00:44,534 Well, how long's this gonna take? 7 00:00:44,659 --> 00:00:46,494 Jerry Springer's got white supremacists on, 8 00:00:46,619 --> 00:00:47,871 and those are always the best ones. 9 00:00:47,996 --> 00:00:50,498 I think they intentionally find the lightest chairs. 10 00:00:50,623 --> 00:00:52,375 It'll take the time it takes. 11 00:00:52,500 --> 00:00:53,835 Jesus Christ, how many times have I asked you 12 00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:55,378 to come and help me on a job? 13 00:00:55,503 --> 00:00:56,963 - Five thousand. - That's right. Zero. 14 00:00:57,672 --> 00:00:59,049 This is a very important client. 15 00:00:59,174 --> 00:01:01,426 So when we're there, no screwin' around. 16 00:01:01,926 --> 00:01:04,971 Hey, Johnny, when we get there, let's screw around. 17 00:01:12,354 --> 00:01:14,105 Man, you weren't joking, dad. 18 00:01:14,230 --> 00:01:15,982 This guy's driveway is the length of our street. 19 00:01:16,107 --> 00:01:19,277 Yeah, well, big house, big lawn, big problems. 20 00:01:19,402 --> 00:01:20,737 What problems? 21 00:01:20,862 --> 00:01:23,114 Well, with the house so far back from the street, 22 00:01:23,239 --> 00:01:25,450 they're probably not tied into the city sewage line. 23 00:01:25,575 --> 00:01:27,619 I bet you $20 they had to put a septic tank up there. 24 00:01:27,744 --> 00:01:29,287 No. Thank you. 25 00:01:29,412 --> 00:01:30,497 You're jealous. 26 00:01:31,039 --> 00:01:32,540 - No, I'm not. - You are. 27 00:01:32,666 --> 00:01:33,584 You're jealous of their money, 28 00:01:33,667 --> 00:01:34,876 and now you're jealous of their poop. 29 00:01:35,001 --> 00:01:36,670 I am not jealous of their poop. 30 00:01:36,795 --> 00:01:39,172 It gets its own private tank. And that drives you crazy. 31 00:01:39,297 --> 00:01:40,297 That's elite poop. 32 00:01:40,382 --> 00:01:41,633 You guys want me to turn this car around 33 00:01:41,758 --> 00:01:42,759 right now, huh? 34 00:01:42,884 --> 00:01:43,844 Want me to take you both home 35 00:01:43,927 --> 00:01:44,927 right fuckin' now? 36 00:01:45,470 --> 00:01:46,888 - Oh, yeah. - Actually, yeah. 37 00:01:47,013 --> 00:01:48,348 - Yeah. - Yeah, that'd be fantastic. 38 00:01:48,473 --> 00:01:49,474 Well, I'm not gonna. 39 00:01:51,393 --> 00:01:53,269 Their poop is better than your body. 40 00:01:53,395 --> 00:01:54,395 Shut up! 41 00:02:12,497 --> 00:02:13,790 Hi, I'm Matty Bennett. 42 00:02:13,915 --> 00:02:16,042 I'm here to install the wireless dog fence. 43 00:02:16,167 --> 00:02:18,003 Oh, yes. Of course. 44 00:02:18,128 --> 00:02:20,255 I'm Mrs. Robichek. My husband said you'd be by. 45 00:02:20,380 --> 00:02:21,923 But I'm afraid he's already left. 46 00:02:22,048 --> 00:02:23,675 But feel free to get started. 47 00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:25,260 All right. Well, I can install the fence today 48 00:02:25,385 --> 00:02:26,385 and fit the collar next week. 49 00:02:26,469 --> 00:02:27,429 That's perfect. 50 00:02:27,512 --> 00:02:28,888 We're getting the dog on Thursday. 51 00:02:29,014 --> 00:02:30,557 By the way, you probably get this a lot, 52 00:02:30,682 --> 00:02:33,518 but, uh, are you guys tied 53 00:02:33,643 --> 00:02:36,021 to the city sewage line, or do you have a septic tank? 54 00:02:36,604 --> 00:02:37,604 I don't know. 55 00:02:38,148 --> 00:02:39,107 Huh. 56 00:02:39,190 --> 00:02:40,817 Well, rich or poor, 57 00:02:40,942 --> 00:02:43,236 we all spend two hours a day on the toilet. 58 00:02:43,361 --> 00:02:45,280 Stool's the great equalizer. 59 00:02:45,739 --> 00:02:47,407 Benjamin Franklin said that. 60 00:02:47,532 --> 00:02:49,326 In fact, until 1940, 61 00:02:49,451 --> 00:02:51,119 that's what it said on the back of the dime. 62 00:02:52,454 --> 00:02:54,372 Well, you can get started. 63 00:02:56,624 --> 00:02:59,044 Hey, there. Can I get you boys some iced tea? 64 00:03:01,296 --> 00:03:02,256 Uh… 65 00:03:02,339 --> 00:03:03,381 Johnny! Move it! 66 00:03:03,506 --> 00:03:04,506 We got work to do. 67 00:03:15,018 --> 00:03:16,186 Jesus Christ. 68 00:03:16,311 --> 00:03:17,729 I've never seen a woman that beautiful 69 00:03:17,854 --> 00:03:19,147 in my entire life. 70 00:03:19,564 --> 00:03:21,358 Well, don't look now, but she's staring at you. 71 00:03:21,483 --> 00:03:23,151 - What? Seriously? - I said don't look! 72 00:03:23,902 --> 00:03:25,278 Hey, you know what? Take your shirt off. 73 00:03:25,403 --> 00:03:27,155 What? No. Why? 74 00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:28,490 You know why she's looking at you? 75 00:03:28,615 --> 00:03:29,366 'Cause her husband's probably 76 00:03:29,449 --> 00:03:30,825 some fuckin' old hairy guy. 77 00:03:30,950 --> 00:03:32,327 His back probably looks like 78 00:03:32,452 --> 00:03:34,412 the floor of a barbershop, but you, 79 00:03:34,537 --> 00:03:36,873 you're sleek and hairless, like a baby dolphin. 80 00:03:36,998 --> 00:03:38,583 Hey, I got some chest hairs coming in. 81 00:03:38,708 --> 00:03:40,669 Bullshit. You're about as hairy as a pack of batteries. 82 00:03:40,794 --> 00:03:41,794 Come on, give her a show. 83 00:03:41,878 --> 00:03:43,004 Oh, fuck off! 84 00:03:43,129 --> 00:03:45,173 Aha! I found the septic line. 85 00:03:45,298 --> 00:03:46,925 They probably have a tank over there 86 00:03:47,050 --> 00:03:49,636 with a 12-inch pipe splitting off to all the toilets. 87 00:03:50,178 --> 00:03:51,846 Think they're too good to mix with our stools? 88 00:03:51,971 --> 00:03:53,515 Well, I'll show them. 89 00:03:55,183 --> 00:03:57,310 What does he mean by "I'll show them"? 90 00:03:57,435 --> 00:03:59,979 Whatever it is, we should probably be prepared to testify. 91 00:04:10,949 --> 00:04:11,992 Johnny. 92 00:04:13,243 --> 00:04:14,452 - Johnny. - What? 93 00:04:15,620 --> 00:04:16,913 Oh. 94 00:04:17,038 --> 00:04:18,790 Oh, I was dreaming about Mrs. Robichek. 95 00:04:18,915 --> 00:04:20,000 Oh, yeah? 96 00:04:20,125 --> 00:04:21,626 Yeah, we were in this, uh, 97 00:04:21,751 --> 00:04:23,503 this colonial village, and she was just there 98 00:04:23,628 --> 00:04:25,005 churning butter. 99 00:04:25,130 --> 00:04:26,548 It was so hot. 100 00:04:26,673 --> 00:04:28,299 And I was there jerking off at it. 101 00:04:29,175 --> 00:04:31,428 - At it? - Yeah. Why? 102 00:04:31,553 --> 00:04:33,763 That's a, that's just a weird preposition. 103 00:04:33,888 --> 00:04:35,682 Makes it sound like you're firing cum at her. 104 00:04:35,807 --> 00:04:37,434 Jerking off about it? 105 00:04:37,559 --> 00:04:39,144 I don't know, they both sound wrong. 106 00:04:39,269 --> 00:04:41,563 Also, last week, didn't you have a dream 107 00:04:41,688 --> 00:04:43,398 where Cindy Crawford was naked 108 00:04:43,523 --> 00:04:45,567 and she said, "I want you so bad," 109 00:04:45,692 --> 00:04:47,527 so you ran home and jacked off? 110 00:04:47,652 --> 00:04:48,862 Yeah, that was so hot. 111 00:04:48,987 --> 00:04:50,530 But, like, in your dream, 112 00:04:50,655 --> 00:04:52,115 you went home and jacked off 113 00:04:52,240 --> 00:04:53,616 Like, you're supposed to actually get laid 114 00:04:53,742 --> 00:04:55,577 in your dreams, but you went home. 115 00:04:55,702 --> 00:04:57,120 Yeah, I, I didn't have a condom. 116 00:04:57,245 --> 00:04:59,080 - What was I supposed to do? - What? 117 00:04:59,205 --> 00:05:00,248 I don't wanna get her pregnant 118 00:05:00,373 --> 00:05:01,666 and derail her modeling career. 119 00:05:01,791 --> 00:05:03,084 It's your dream. 120 00:05:03,209 --> 00:05:04,627 She should be doing whatever the hell you want. 121 00:05:04,753 --> 00:05:06,046 She was cool when I helped her move. 122 00:05:06,171 --> 00:05:07,839 In your fucking dream? 123 00:05:07,964 --> 00:05:10,633 I gotta go back to sleep and drive her to the airport. 124 00:05:10,759 --> 00:05:12,344 I think you're being taken advantage of. 125 00:05:12,469 --> 00:05:14,512 I'll tell you who's getting taken advantage of: 126 00:05:14,637 --> 00:05:16,139 Cindy Crawford, 127 00:05:16,264 --> 00:05:18,975 in my fantasy, while I'm jacking off in my dream. 128 00:05:19,100 --> 00:05:20,185 Jesus. 129 00:05:20,310 --> 00:05:22,103 You're like the Philip K. Dick of dicks. 130 00:05:23,897 --> 00:05:25,065 How about that? No. 131 00:05:26,524 --> 00:05:27,401 No. You got it. 132 00:05:27,484 --> 00:05:28,526 I can't. 133 00:05:30,695 --> 00:05:32,197 Oh. 134 00:05:33,323 --> 00:05:35,075 Fuckin' forget it. 135 00:05:35,950 --> 00:05:38,161 - It's all right, Matty. - No, it's not all right, Susan. 136 00:05:38,286 --> 00:05:39,371 it's fuckin' humiliating. 137 00:05:39,496 --> 00:05:42,082 Maybe you're just tired or stressed. 138 00:05:42,207 --> 00:05:43,291 Of course I'm stressed. 139 00:05:43,416 --> 00:05:45,168 I'm working my ass off day in and day out, 140 00:05:45,293 --> 00:05:46,628 and we're still barely scraping by. 141 00:05:46,753 --> 00:05:47,879 Who the fuck wouldn't be stressed? 142 00:05:49,673 --> 00:05:52,300 Have you tried thinking about Carl Yastrzemski? 143 00:05:52,425 --> 00:05:53,551 It's the first thing I did. 144 00:05:54,511 --> 00:05:55,887 What about Reagan 145 00:05:56,638 --> 00:05:59,349 when he asked Gorbachev to tear down the wall? 146 00:05:59,474 --> 00:06:00,642 Nothing. 147 00:06:00,767 --> 00:06:03,186 "Well, Mr. Gorbachev, 148 00:06:03,645 --> 00:06:06,064 tear down that wall." 149 00:06:06,189 --> 00:06:08,566 Susan, I don't want to think about things going down. 150 00:06:09,818 --> 00:06:11,695 Maybe you should call the doctor. 151 00:06:12,362 --> 00:06:15,365 You know, we may be in the financial shithouse. 152 00:06:15,490 --> 00:06:17,158 We got one thing going for us. 153 00:06:17,993 --> 00:06:20,078 We're still on the city sewage line. 154 00:06:20,996 --> 00:06:22,622 Whatever comes out of us, one flush 155 00:06:22,747 --> 00:06:23,915 and it's off our plate. 156 00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:27,085 You should call the doctor. 157 00:06:34,175 --> 00:06:35,135 Hello. 158 00:06:35,218 --> 00:06:36,386 Mr. Bennett, 159 00:06:36,511 --> 00:06:38,513 this is Mrs. Robichek from yesterday. 160 00:06:38,638 --> 00:06:41,266 Oh. Hey. Everything workin' okay? 161 00:06:41,391 --> 00:06:44,227 Oh, everything's fine, but I feel so stupid. 162 00:06:44,769 --> 00:06:46,438 I wrote your check from the wrong account. 163 00:06:46,938 --> 00:06:48,606 Would it be possible for me to give you a new one? 164 00:06:48,732 --> 00:06:49,858 Yeah. No problem. 165 00:06:49,983 --> 00:06:51,192 I-I'll send Johnny over. 166 00:06:51,693 --> 00:06:53,653 Um, would you mind sending over 167 00:06:53,778 --> 00:06:55,113 the little bear instead? 168 00:06:55,655 --> 00:06:56,948 Whatever you say. 169 00:06:58,533 --> 00:06:59,951 Hey, Ted! 170 00:07:00,452 --> 00:07:02,996 Well, I don't understand. Why'd she ask for you? 171 00:07:03,121 --> 00:07:05,206 I don't know, maybe she's looking for the scoop on you. 172 00:07:05,332 --> 00:07:07,667 Maybe she wants to bang you, and she thinks I'm your pimp. 173 00:07:07,792 --> 00:07:09,044 Why would she think that? 174 00:07:09,169 --> 00:07:10,337 'Cause I'm always wearing fur 175 00:07:10,462 --> 00:07:11,546 and you look like a bitch. 176 00:07:11,671 --> 00:07:13,631 - What? - Or maybe she wants you, 177 00:07:13,757 --> 00:07:15,508 but she wants to make sure you won't blab about it. 178 00:07:15,633 --> 00:07:18,345 Well, tell her I can keep a secret and then do this. 179 00:07:20,180 --> 00:07:22,474 Yeah, that's, uh… No fingers. 180 00:07:22,599 --> 00:07:23,558 Oh, yeah. Right. 181 00:07:23,641 --> 00:07:24,684 Oh, what if I just go 182 00:07:24,809 --> 00:07:26,186 ee-ah-ee-ah-ee-ah? 183 00:07:26,311 --> 00:07:27,771 Oh, yeah. That's good. 184 00:07:28,355 --> 00:07:30,398 Man. Can't believe pretty soon 185 00:07:30,523 --> 00:07:31,775 I'm gonna be looking at a woman, 186 00:07:31,900 --> 00:07:33,985 then running home to jerk off in real life. 187 00:07:54,297 --> 00:07:55,715 Uh, hello? 188 00:07:57,759 --> 00:07:59,010 Hello, Theodore. 189 00:07:59,886 --> 00:08:02,764 Oh, uh, it's, it's just Ted. 190 00:08:02,889 --> 00:08:05,100 I'm sure everybody calls you Ted. 191 00:08:05,225 --> 00:08:07,602 I wanna have a special name for you 192 00:08:07,977 --> 00:08:09,270 that only I get to use. 193 00:08:12,691 --> 00:08:15,360 I like… Theodore. 194 00:08:15,485 --> 00:08:18,697 Yeah. Um, Matty says I'm supposed to pick up a check. 195 00:08:18,822 --> 00:08:20,240 Yes, you are. 196 00:08:22,659 --> 00:08:24,953 That's a pretty weird place to keep a checkbook. 197 00:08:35,505 --> 00:08:36,923 Ah, thanks. 198 00:08:38,925 --> 00:08:40,802 Wow. That's the good stuff, huh? 199 00:08:41,469 --> 00:08:43,722 Oh, we have the good stuff, all right. 200 00:08:43,847 --> 00:08:46,766 Expensive liquor, expensive food, 201 00:08:46,891 --> 00:08:48,351 expensive furniture. 202 00:08:48,476 --> 00:08:51,187 - We even have outdoor pillows. - Wow. 203 00:08:51,312 --> 00:08:52,856 And we don't even bring them in at night. 204 00:08:52,981 --> 00:08:55,942 Fuck me. 205 00:08:56,067 --> 00:08:59,863 But there's never anyone here to enjoy it with me. 206 00:09:00,613 --> 00:09:04,576 I get so lonely rattling around this big ol' place. 207 00:09:04,701 --> 00:09:06,328 Yeah, I was just, uh, saying that yesterday 208 00:09:06,453 --> 00:09:07,912 to my, uh, coworker. 209 00:09:08,038 --> 00:09:09,789 Oh, yes, there was that other fellow. 210 00:09:11,082 --> 00:09:12,167 What was his name again? 211 00:09:12,292 --> 00:09:14,711 I, I forget his name, actually. 212 00:09:14,836 --> 00:09:16,504 He's just one of the guys from the crew. 213 00:09:16,629 --> 00:09:18,798 You know, married, big family, AIDS. 214 00:09:18,923 --> 00:09:22,344 Even when my husband is here, he's not really here. 215 00:09:23,261 --> 00:09:25,513 He's always off working, 216 00:09:25,638 --> 00:09:26,931 always off in his head somewhere. 217 00:09:27,932 --> 00:09:28,850 You know what I mean? 218 00:09:28,933 --> 00:09:30,810 Ee-ah-ee-ah-ee-ah. 219 00:09:30,935 --> 00:09:32,103 - What? - Nothing. 220 00:09:32,228 --> 00:09:34,439 That was just so I don't have to lie to a friend. 221 00:09:35,231 --> 00:09:36,775 You look tense. 222 00:09:36,900 --> 00:09:38,610 Here, let me help. 223 00:09:39,361 --> 00:09:40,320 Oh. 224 00:09:40,403 --> 00:09:42,947 Ohh, shit. 225 00:09:43,073 --> 00:09:44,783 Just relax. 226 00:09:44,908 --> 00:09:47,535 Hey. You-your, uh, your husband's not home, right? 227 00:09:47,661 --> 00:09:49,788 Nobody here but us chickens. 228 00:09:50,580 --> 00:09:52,415 Cluck, cluck. 229 00:09:52,540 --> 00:09:55,043 Well, I hope you like sucking… 230 00:09:55,669 --> 00:09:57,087 - What? - Sorry, this is 231 00:09:57,212 --> 00:09:58,672 my first chicken-themed flirt. 232 00:09:58,797 --> 00:09:59,964 I was just trying stuff out. 233 00:10:01,091 --> 00:10:02,091 Come here. 234 00:10:15,897 --> 00:10:17,816 I can't believe you missed your flight. 235 00:10:19,025 --> 00:10:21,319 Mrs. Robichek is a goddess. 236 00:10:21,444 --> 00:10:22,195 How'd it go? 237 00:10:22,278 --> 00:10:24,072 Oh, it went, buddy, it went. 238 00:10:24,197 --> 00:10:25,240 Well, did you talk me up? 239 00:10:25,365 --> 00:10:27,534 Johnny, I tried, I really tried, 240 00:10:27,659 --> 00:10:29,077 but she just did not care. 241 00:10:29,202 --> 00:10:30,412 Uh, I don't know, there's some rumor 242 00:10:30,537 --> 00:10:31,830 going around town that you got AIDS. 243 00:10:31,955 --> 00:10:33,415 M-maybe that was a factor, I don't know. 244 00:10:33,540 --> 00:10:34,916 It was just very little interest. 245 00:10:35,041 --> 00:10:36,543 Oh. On the other hand, 246 00:10:36,668 --> 00:10:38,169 guess who has two thumbs, 247 00:10:38,294 --> 00:10:41,214 no fingers, and just made out with Mrs. Robichek. 248 00:10:41,339 --> 00:10:43,091 What? You're kiddin'. 249 00:10:43,216 --> 00:10:44,467 I don't know what happened. 250 00:10:44,592 --> 00:10:45,760 I walk in the door, and next thing I know, 251 00:10:45,885 --> 00:10:47,637 half my face is in her mouth. 252 00:10:47,762 --> 00:10:49,639 Hey, listen, don't be mad at me, okay? 253 00:10:49,764 --> 00:10:52,851 - Mad? Teddy, this is epic. - I know, right? 254 00:10:52,976 --> 00:10:54,310 And I'm gonna see her again tomorrow. 255 00:10:54,436 --> 00:10:55,687 You gotta tell me what happens. 256 00:10:55,812 --> 00:10:57,105 Oh, I will. 257 00:10:57,230 --> 00:10:58,565 Meantime, I hope your dad doesn't try 258 00:10:58,690 --> 00:11:00,358 to smell this check. 259 00:11:04,654 --> 00:11:07,574 So, what is it today, Matty? Pooping too much or not at all? 260 00:11:07,699 --> 00:11:10,243 No, no, nothing like that. It's something embarrassing. 261 00:11:10,368 --> 00:11:11,453 What's the problem? 262 00:11:14,581 --> 00:11:16,374 The corn ain't growing. 263 00:11:20,295 --> 00:11:22,088 You… you know, you know what I'm telling you? 264 00:11:26,468 --> 00:11:29,220 I can't raise the flag over Fort Balls. 265 00:11:31,264 --> 00:11:33,141 Jesus Christ, my wang won't work. 266 00:11:33,266 --> 00:11:35,393 Ah. Is this a urinary issue? 267 00:11:35,518 --> 00:11:36,811 Oh! I wish. 268 00:11:36,936 --> 00:11:38,438 I-I can piss like a racehorse, 269 00:11:38,563 --> 00:11:40,899 but I couldn't get an erection if you put a knife to my throat. 270 00:11:41,024 --> 00:11:42,984 Well, we'll never know that for sure. 271 00:11:43,610 --> 00:11:45,737 Now, we can treat the physical causes of impotence, 272 00:11:45,862 --> 00:11:48,198 but there's usually a psychological component as well. 273 00:11:48,323 --> 00:11:50,200 Are you under any elevated stress? 274 00:11:50,325 --> 00:11:51,785 Yeah. Not being able to get a boner 275 00:11:51,910 --> 00:11:52,911 is pretty fuckin' stressful! 276 00:11:53,036 --> 00:11:54,204 Yes, it is. 277 00:11:54,329 --> 00:11:55,455 And then that stress will prevent you 278 00:11:55,580 --> 00:11:56,790 from getting another one. 279 00:11:56,915 --> 00:11:59,167 It's a paradox we call Schrödinger's boner. 280 00:11:59,292 --> 00:12:01,086 Did you even go to medical school? 281 00:12:01,211 --> 00:12:03,755 Worry a little less about me, limp dick. 282 00:12:10,762 --> 00:12:11,971 Blaire, I need a favor. 283 00:12:12,097 --> 00:12:13,431 Um, knock, please. 284 00:12:13,556 --> 00:12:15,016 Look, I'm not gonna bore you with the details, 285 00:12:15,141 --> 00:12:16,393 but I need to borrow your car. 286 00:12:16,518 --> 00:12:18,978 Okay, well, a few details wouldn't hurt. 287 00:12:19,104 --> 00:12:20,230 Why do you need my car? 288 00:12:20,355 --> 00:12:21,481 Okay, so two days ago, 289 00:12:21,606 --> 00:12:22,482 me and Teddy helped Dad out 290 00:12:22,565 --> 00:12:24,067 with a big job over in Brookline, 291 00:12:24,192 --> 00:12:26,236 and there was this smoking hot woman, Blaire. 292 00:12:26,361 --> 00:12:27,529 And I had to go back over there yesterday 293 00:12:27,654 --> 00:12:28,822 to get the check, and let's just say 294 00:12:28,947 --> 00:12:30,782 I ended up getting a lot more than a check. 295 00:12:32,325 --> 00:12:33,326 And now he's been invited back 296 00:12:33,451 --> 00:12:34,452 for sexual seconds. 297 00:12:34,577 --> 00:12:35,996 Wow. Okay. 298 00:12:36,121 --> 00:12:37,831 Uh, what's her name? 299 00:12:37,956 --> 00:12:40,041 Her name is Mrs. Robichek. 300 00:12:40,166 --> 00:12:42,794 Wait. What? She's married? 301 00:12:42,919 --> 00:12:44,462 Well, yeah, but I'm assuming not happily, 302 00:12:44,587 --> 00:12:46,423 or she wouldn't have stuck her tongue down my throat. 303 00:12:46,548 --> 00:12:48,758 Ted, you can't be party to an affair. 304 00:12:48,883 --> 00:12:50,635 Uh, you're messing with someone's life. 305 00:12:50,760 --> 00:12:52,429 You're in the middle of someone's marriage. 306 00:12:52,554 --> 00:12:53,722 I'm not gonna get in the middle of nothing 307 00:12:53,847 --> 00:12:54,848 if you don't loan me your car. 308 00:12:54,973 --> 00:12:56,349 What about Mr. Robichek? 309 00:12:56,474 --> 00:12:57,392 Have you thought about him? 310 00:12:57,475 --> 00:12:58,810 Oh, my God, you're right. 311 00:12:58,935 --> 00:12:59,895 I need a lookout. 312 00:12:59,978 --> 00:13:01,521 No, he is a human being, 313 00:13:01,646 --> 00:13:02,897 and you could ruin his life. 314 00:13:03,023 --> 00:13:04,315 Well, only if he finds out. 315 00:13:04,941 --> 00:13:07,652 Johnny, would you sit in Blaire's car and be my lookout 316 00:13:07,777 --> 00:13:10,071 while I have dirty bear sex with Mrs. Robichek? 317 00:13:10,196 --> 00:13:11,865 Teddy, It would be my honor. 318 00:13:11,990 --> 00:13:15,410 Ted, you asked me for a favor, so I'm going to do you a favor. 319 00:13:15,535 --> 00:13:17,787 No, you cannot borrow my car. 320 00:13:17,912 --> 00:13:19,622 Blaire, if you wanted to borrow my car 321 00:13:19,748 --> 00:13:21,333 so you could go over to some guy's house 322 00:13:21,458 --> 00:13:23,710 and have him knock the bottom out of you, I'd do it. 323 00:13:23,835 --> 00:13:25,420 Knock the bottom out? 324 00:13:25,545 --> 00:13:26,796 I don't know, my mind's messed up 325 00:13:26,921 --> 00:13:28,548 'cause I should be over there knocking bottom out. 326 00:13:28,673 --> 00:13:29,716 Please leave my room. 327 00:13:34,888 --> 00:13:36,556 Matty, how'd it go at the doctor? 328 00:13:36,681 --> 00:13:38,600 Doc says there's nothing physically wrong with me. 329 00:13:38,725 --> 00:13:39,601 - Oh. - Says I should, 330 00:13:39,684 --> 00:13:40,684 I should see a shrink. 331 00:13:41,186 --> 00:13:43,438 Oh, well, that might not be such a bad idea. 332 00:13:43,563 --> 00:13:45,023 - Yeah. Me neither. - Uh-huh. 333 00:13:45,148 --> 00:13:47,192 You know, why can't I get a fuckin' break, Susan? 334 00:13:47,317 --> 00:13:49,319 You know, it's just one goddamn thing after another. 335 00:13:49,444 --> 00:13:50,945 You know that, that Robichek guy, 336 00:13:51,071 --> 00:13:52,030 he's got his own septic tank. 337 00:13:52,113 --> 00:13:53,365 Oh, my. 338 00:13:53,490 --> 00:13:54,658 Yeah, yeah, sure, 339 00:13:54,783 --> 00:13:55,950 sure, we all pretend that it's better 340 00:13:56,076 --> 00:13:57,285 to be on the city sewage, 341 00:13:57,410 --> 00:13:59,329 but the fact is, he's rolling in fuckin' clover. 342 00:13:59,788 --> 00:14:01,122 You know, he's my age. 343 00:14:01,247 --> 00:14:02,791 Yeah, we're the same goddamn age. 344 00:14:02,916 --> 00:14:04,167 Look at his life and look at mine. 345 00:14:04,793 --> 00:14:06,795 Maybe I don't want my shit going off to the city. 346 00:14:06,920 --> 00:14:08,254 Maybe I want it staying right here 347 00:14:08,380 --> 00:14:09,464 under this goddamn house. 348 00:14:09,589 --> 00:14:11,675 Matty, you have a wonderful life. 349 00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:13,301 Half of my paycheck and all of my turds 350 00:14:13,426 --> 00:14:14,469 are going to the fucking government. 351 00:14:14,594 --> 00:14:16,388 We have such a beautiful house. 352 00:14:16,513 --> 00:14:18,390 I try holding it in, but I'm weak, Susan. 353 00:14:18,515 --> 00:14:19,683 I wouldn't want to live anywhere else. 354 00:14:19,808 --> 00:14:21,434 Oh, forget it. I'm going to watch the game. 355 00:14:24,521 --> 00:14:25,897 I'm making pie. 356 00:14:32,862 --> 00:14:35,198 - Uh, hey, Dad. - What? 357 00:14:35,657 --> 00:14:36,617 Can we borrow the car? 358 00:14:36,700 --> 00:14:38,326 I'm involved with a married woman, 359 00:14:38,451 --> 00:14:39,577 and I want to go over to her house 360 00:14:39,703 --> 00:14:41,371 and fuck her while her husband's not home. 361 00:14:41,496 --> 00:14:42,496 Fine. 362 00:14:44,416 --> 00:14:46,084 Uh… thanks. 363 00:14:50,755 --> 00:14:52,507 Zestfully clean, my ass. 364 00:15:02,392 --> 00:15:04,602 Okay, if you see anybody, lay on the horn hard. 365 00:15:04,728 --> 00:15:05,895 Got it. 366 00:15:06,021 --> 00:15:08,106 You're a real pal, Johnny. You know that? 367 00:15:08,231 --> 00:15:10,775 Hey, a detailed description of every nuance 368 00:15:10,900 --> 00:15:12,902 of Mrs. Robichek's naked body, and we're even. 369 00:15:13,028 --> 00:15:14,487 What if there's, like, a weird mole? 370 00:15:14,612 --> 00:15:15,697 I wanna know about it. 371 00:15:15,822 --> 00:15:17,365 - And you should tell her. - Okay. 372 00:15:17,490 --> 00:15:18,700 Ask her if it's changed recently. 373 00:15:18,825 --> 00:15:19,826 I'll keep an eye out for anything 374 00:15:19,951 --> 00:15:21,036 with irregular edges. 375 00:15:21,161 --> 00:15:22,162 And before you leave, make sure 376 00:15:22,287 --> 00:15:23,413 to tell her to start wearing sunscreen. 377 00:15:23,538 --> 00:15:26,041 - Even on cloudy days. - Especially on cloudy days. 378 00:15:26,166 --> 00:15:27,959 God, does this woman have cancer? 379 00:15:37,510 --> 00:15:39,054 Well, hello there, Theodore. 380 00:15:39,179 --> 00:15:40,722 I was just about to run a bath. 381 00:15:40,847 --> 00:15:42,557 Oh. Well, I can come back. 382 00:15:42,682 --> 00:15:44,976 Oh, no need to leave. 383 00:15:45,101 --> 00:15:46,311 Well, I don't wanna be just sitting around like… 384 00:15:46,436 --> 00:15:48,938 Ohh. A sex bath. 385 00:15:49,064 --> 00:15:52,067 - Hey, can I ask you something? - Sure. 386 00:15:52,192 --> 00:15:55,570 I mean, you're so gorgeous. You could have any guy you want. 387 00:15:55,695 --> 00:15:58,448 - Why me? - Can I confide in you? 388 00:15:58,573 --> 00:16:00,033 You can do anything you want in me. 389 00:16:00,158 --> 00:16:02,369 I learned on a teddy bear. 390 00:16:02,494 --> 00:16:07,165 He was soft and cuddly but had this hard little nose. 391 00:16:07,290 --> 00:16:11,002 Well, I'll tell you, my nose is rock hard right now. 392 00:16:11,127 --> 00:16:14,506 You know what? I think that's enough talking. 393 00:16:29,104 --> 00:16:30,104 Arlene. 394 00:16:31,064 --> 00:16:33,066 Can I ask you about something? 395 00:16:33,191 --> 00:16:34,484 Sure, Susan. 396 00:16:34,609 --> 00:16:36,611 I don't know how to say this… 397 00:16:37,737 --> 00:16:40,240 it's between you, me, and the apple tree. 398 00:16:42,033 --> 00:16:43,868 Matty has a problem. 399 00:16:43,994 --> 00:16:45,704 Aw. This? 400 00:16:46,287 --> 00:16:47,956 Oh, no. 401 00:16:48,081 --> 00:16:51,835 Well, yes, but also in the bedroom. 402 00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:53,586 Ohh. 403 00:16:54,879 --> 00:16:56,548 Too much or too little? 404 00:16:56,673 --> 00:16:58,425 None at all. 405 00:16:58,550 --> 00:17:00,010 He can't… 406 00:17:01,136 --> 00:17:04,681 You know how sometimes when your foot falls asleep, 407 00:17:04,806 --> 00:17:07,350 even if you think about Carl Yastrzemski? 408 00:17:08,476 --> 00:17:10,270 And the doctor says nothing's wrong with him. 409 00:17:10,395 --> 00:17:12,939 I don't know what to do. 410 00:17:13,064 --> 00:17:17,068 Yeah, well, unfortunately, honey, this one's on you to fix. 411 00:17:17,193 --> 00:17:19,571 I've been trying. 412 00:17:19,696 --> 00:17:22,782 I opened up a fresh egg of pantyhose the other day, 413 00:17:22,907 --> 00:17:24,743 he didn't even notice. 414 00:17:25,910 --> 00:17:29,247 Take a look at this. 415 00:17:29,372 --> 00:17:33,209 Oh, Arlene, I couldn't read a Cosmopolitan. 416 00:17:33,335 --> 00:17:36,588 - Why not? - We're Catholic. 417 00:17:36,713 --> 00:17:39,716 Susan, there's a lot of good stuff in there. 418 00:17:39,841 --> 00:17:42,010 It can point you in the right direction. 419 00:17:42,886 --> 00:17:46,014 "Ten titillations to liven up your lovemaking." 420 00:17:46,139 --> 00:17:47,891 You take that home with you. 421 00:17:48,016 --> 00:17:49,684 My guess is there's something in there 422 00:17:49,809 --> 00:17:51,436 that'll help solve your problem. 423 00:17:51,561 --> 00:17:54,564 Gonna have to hide this so Matty doesn't find it. 424 00:17:54,689 --> 00:17:56,941 Do what I do. Put it near the broom. 425 00:17:57,067 --> 00:18:00,612 Oh. Arlene Goldbaum, you're one hot ticket. 426 00:18:00,737 --> 00:18:02,781 Oh. 427 00:18:08,703 --> 00:18:10,538 Wow, where'd you get a robe my size? 428 00:18:10,664 --> 00:18:12,832 I had a four-year-old son who died. 429 00:18:12,957 --> 00:18:14,668 Wh… What? 430 00:18:14,793 --> 00:18:17,337 I'm kidding. 431 00:18:18,213 --> 00:18:20,548 All right, one red flag, but you're still pretty hot. 432 00:18:20,674 --> 00:18:22,509 No, actually, I had the seamstress 433 00:18:22,634 --> 00:18:23,885 whip it up this morning, 434 00:18:24,511 --> 00:18:26,638 and I have something else for you too. 435 00:18:26,763 --> 00:18:28,098 Wh… What is it? 436 00:18:28,765 --> 00:18:31,768 I thought we could take this to the next level. 437 00:18:31,893 --> 00:18:33,561 Well, you know, the Hasbro Corporation 438 00:18:33,687 --> 00:18:35,522 left out one little detail. 439 00:18:35,647 --> 00:18:37,857 I thought of that. 440 00:18:37,982 --> 00:18:40,276 Hurry up. I wanna see it. 441 00:18:40,402 --> 00:18:42,362 Hang on. Just gettin' it on here. 442 00:18:45,073 --> 00:18:46,908 It does go on the front, right? 443 00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:57,043 Mm. 444 00:18:57,168 --> 00:18:58,712 That was mind-blowing. 445 00:18:58,837 --> 00:19:00,171 Sorry I came so fast. 446 00:19:02,257 --> 00:19:04,342 No, seriously, I particularly like the part 447 00:19:04,467 --> 00:19:06,594 where you spun me around like a steering wheel. 448 00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:09,723 Hmm. I call that the ten and two. 449 00:19:09,848 --> 00:19:12,183 The ten and two. Nice. 450 00:19:12,308 --> 00:19:14,769 Next time, how about you wear the dog collar, 451 00:19:14,894 --> 00:19:17,230 fuck me near the electric fence? 452 00:19:18,023 --> 00:19:21,026 Well, that's a second red flag, but, hey, still hot. 453 00:19:29,659 --> 00:19:30,659 Blaire? 454 00:19:31,536 --> 00:19:32,746 Oh. Hey, Aunt Suse. 455 00:19:32,871 --> 00:19:34,080 You have a minute? 456 00:19:34,205 --> 00:19:36,041 Yeah, sure. Come on in. 457 00:19:38,668 --> 00:19:42,255 Sorry to bother you, but I need some advice. 458 00:19:42,380 --> 00:19:44,132 Of course. What's up? 459 00:19:45,759 --> 00:19:48,928 Matty's been having a problem. 460 00:19:49,054 --> 00:19:50,555 Okay. What kind of problem? 461 00:19:50,680 --> 00:19:55,435 It's a personal issue in his bathing suit area. 462 00:19:56,227 --> 00:19:57,812 - Oh. - And I've been looking through 463 00:19:57,937 --> 00:19:59,564 this article on ways to help, 464 00:19:59,689 --> 00:20:03,109 but I don't even know what most of these things mean. 465 00:20:03,234 --> 00:20:07,280 Yeah, if… if you promise to never use the phrase, 466 00:20:07,405 --> 00:20:10,950 "Matty's bathing suit area" again, I will help you. 467 00:20:11,076 --> 00:20:12,160 Okay. Okay. 468 00:20:12,285 --> 00:20:15,622 Um, these are called kinks. 469 00:20:15,747 --> 00:20:18,792 Well, some of these things don't seem so bad. 470 00:20:18,917 --> 00:20:21,878 A pearl necklace, a facial. 471 00:20:22,545 --> 00:20:24,214 Sounds like a day of pampering. 472 00:20:24,339 --> 00:20:25,882 Yeah, that's not… Day at the spa. 473 00:20:26,007 --> 00:20:28,385 No. It's not what that is at all. 474 00:20:28,510 --> 00:20:30,637 Now, do people really do this one? 475 00:20:30,762 --> 00:20:35,100 I mean, um, I'm sure someone, somewhere. 476 00:20:35,225 --> 00:20:38,395 I've never even made a fist in anger, let alone… 477 00:20:38,520 --> 00:20:40,313 Let's keep looking down this list. 478 00:20:40,438 --> 00:20:42,273 What's a golden shower? 479 00:20:42,399 --> 00:20:46,444 That is when you go to the bathroom on your partner. 480 00:20:46,569 --> 00:20:48,863 - Oh, my! - Yeah. 481 00:20:48,988 --> 00:20:50,615 Would we need our own septic tank? 482 00:20:50,740 --> 00:20:52,158 Okay. What else? 483 00:20:52,283 --> 00:20:53,451 What else is on the list? 484 00:20:53,576 --> 00:20:55,161 Exhibitionism. 485 00:20:55,286 --> 00:20:56,997 Is that like at a museum? 486 00:20:57,122 --> 00:20:59,082 No, that's when, uh, 487 00:20:59,207 --> 00:21:03,294 you are intimate with someone watching. 488 00:21:03,420 --> 00:21:06,798 I wonder if Matty would like someone else watching. 489 00:21:06,923 --> 00:21:07,883 I don't know. 490 00:21:07,966 --> 00:21:08,967 I imagine it'd have to 491 00:21:09,092 --> 00:21:10,552 be a Republican. 492 00:21:10,677 --> 00:21:12,804 You know what? I have an idea. 493 00:21:12,929 --> 00:21:16,558 Why don't we put this away and never look at it again? 494 00:21:16,683 --> 00:21:17,683 All right. Okay. 495 00:21:17,767 --> 00:21:18,767 Okay. 496 00:21:20,478 --> 00:21:22,689 What's a ten and two? 497 00:21:31,114 --> 00:21:32,532 Oh, shit! 498 00:21:33,783 --> 00:21:35,035 Oh, balls! 499 00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:36,619 Why would you do that? 500 00:21:36,745 --> 00:21:39,122 I am so sorry. I-I didn't see you. 501 00:21:39,247 --> 00:21:41,666 Look at my groceries. I'll-I'll get 'em. 502 00:21:41,791 --> 00:21:42,959 Ugh! Jesus. 503 00:21:43,084 --> 00:21:44,502 Did you buy anything that isn't round? 504 00:21:44,627 --> 00:21:46,087 Fuck you! 505 00:21:46,212 --> 00:21:47,922 You know, I hope you don't think 506 00:21:48,048 --> 00:21:49,341 this is too sudden of me, but… 507 00:21:50,550 --> 00:21:51,843 doll's voice: I love you. 508 00:21:51,968 --> 00:21:54,471 Aw. That's sweet. 509 00:21:54,596 --> 00:21:56,556 And that's literally from the heart. 510 00:21:56,681 --> 00:21:57,807 You know, 511 00:21:57,932 --> 00:22:00,643 as crazy as it sounds, Mrs. Robichek, 512 00:22:00,769 --> 00:22:02,979 I really am falling in love with you. 513 00:22:03,104 --> 00:22:05,357 And I don't even know your first name. 514 00:22:05,482 --> 00:22:06,441 You don't? 515 00:22:06,524 --> 00:22:08,443 That's insane. 516 00:22:08,568 --> 00:22:12,155 Well, Theodore, my name is… 517 00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:13,990 Mr. Hon? I'm home. 518 00:22:14,115 --> 00:22:16,159 Oh, my God, that's my husband. 519 00:22:16,284 --> 00:22:17,744 He wasn't supposed to be back till tomorrow. 520 00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:27,671 Shit, shit, shit, shit! What do we do? 521 00:22:30,256 --> 00:22:31,591 Fuckin' thing won't come off. 522 00:22:32,258 --> 00:22:33,301 Mr. Where are you? 523 00:22:33,426 --> 00:22:35,095 Um… I'm-I'm upstairs. 524 00:22:38,098 --> 00:22:39,098 Quick, get under the bed. 525 00:22:53,988 --> 00:22:55,907 - Where is he? - What are you talking about? 526 00:22:56,032 --> 00:22:58,868 Don't. There are two half-empty glasses downstairs. 527 00:22:58,994 --> 00:23:00,078 Two cigarette butts in the ashtray. 528 00:23:00,203 --> 00:23:02,539 - Where the fuck is he? - I can explain. 529 00:23:02,664 --> 00:23:04,165 I'm gonna kill you, you motherfucker! 530 00:23:04,290 --> 00:23:05,625 - You in here? - David, please. 531 00:23:05,750 --> 00:23:07,210 Is he in the bathroom? Huh? 532 00:23:07,335 --> 00:23:09,295 You in the bathroom, you little shit? Huh? 533 00:23:10,797 --> 00:23:11,797 Mrs. Go, go, go. 534 00:23:13,883 --> 00:23:15,010 I swear to Christ, you better tell me where he is 535 00:23:15,135 --> 00:23:16,761 or I'm gonna… 536 00:23:18,805 --> 00:23:20,348 What the fuck is this? 537 00:23:21,599 --> 00:23:24,728 Is that pervert's idea of a romantic gift? Huh? 538 00:23:24,853 --> 00:23:27,147 A teddy bear with a dick on it? 539 00:23:27,272 --> 00:23:28,648 Jesus Christ, Charlotte. 540 00:23:28,773 --> 00:23:29,773 Charlotte? 541 00:23:29,858 --> 00:23:31,109 Mr. I know he's in here. 542 00:23:31,234 --> 00:23:32,902 When I get my hands on that motherfucker, 543 00:23:33,028 --> 00:23:35,864 - I'm gonna… - What? You'll what, David? 544 00:23:35,989 --> 00:23:38,366 Reschedule a conference call? 545 00:23:38,491 --> 00:23:41,119 Cancel a meeting? Ignore your pager? 546 00:23:41,244 --> 00:23:42,996 You won't do shit. 547 00:23:43,121 --> 00:23:44,581 And for your information, 548 00:23:44,706 --> 00:23:46,666 that motherfucker is more of a man in bed 549 00:23:46,791 --> 00:23:48,335 than you'll ever be. 550 00:23:48,460 --> 00:23:50,462 You think about that. 551 00:23:52,464 --> 00:23:53,673 You're probably right. 552 00:23:55,258 --> 00:23:56,634 I need a drink. 553 00:24:23,286 --> 00:24:24,496 Aw, shit. 554 00:24:27,165 --> 00:24:28,125 I'll keep him busy. 555 00:24:28,208 --> 00:24:29,126 Give me about a minute 556 00:24:29,209 --> 00:24:29,835 and then sneak out the front door. 557 00:24:29,918 --> 00:24:31,044 Got it. 558 00:24:32,212 --> 00:24:34,881 All right, here we go. Sorry. 559 00:24:35,340 --> 00:24:38,385 About time. Jesus! 560 00:24:38,510 --> 00:24:39,678 Pinball and soda pop 561 00:24:39,803 --> 00:24:42,347 has turned all you kids into assholes! 562 00:24:49,437 --> 00:24:52,482 - Uh, David… - Don't say anything. Please. 563 00:24:52,607 --> 00:24:54,859 Let's not embarrass ourselves any more than we already have. 564 00:24:56,820 --> 00:24:57,946 That's him. 565 00:24:58,071 --> 00:24:59,698 I'm gonna kill that motherfucker! 566 00:24:59,823 --> 00:25:00,865 David, wait! 567 00:25:02,659 --> 00:25:05,078 Johnny! Johnny! 568 00:25:05,203 --> 00:25:06,705 Johnny, start the car! 569 00:25:11,418 --> 00:25:12,627 What the fuck is that? 570 00:25:12,752 --> 00:25:14,295 Big purple dick. Go, go, go! 571 00:25:14,421 --> 00:25:15,421 We gotta get the fuck outta here! 572 00:25:17,882 --> 00:25:19,592 You motherfucker! 573 00:25:20,301 --> 00:25:22,512 PMN 653. 574 00:25:22,637 --> 00:25:24,681 PMN 653. 575 00:25:24,806 --> 00:25:26,933 PMN 653. 576 00:25:31,146 --> 00:25:33,606 She's flying it. She's flying it herself. 577 00:25:35,233 --> 00:25:38,361 Climb, baby, climb. 578 00:25:39,696 --> 00:25:40,739 Gloria Swanson: The mountains. 579 00:25:40,864 --> 00:25:42,365 We're so close. 580 00:25:49,205 --> 00:25:50,205 Can I help you? 581 00:25:51,458 --> 00:25:53,168 I figured you'd look like that. 582 00:25:53,293 --> 00:25:56,546 Just a primitive ball of muscle. 583 00:25:56,671 --> 00:25:58,465 Wait, you… you're David Robichek, 584 00:25:58,590 --> 00:26:00,175 the-the-the big shot lawyer. 585 00:26:00,300 --> 00:26:03,553 Yep. And you're Matt Bennett. 586 00:26:03,678 --> 00:26:05,055 That's your car parked outside, right? 587 00:26:05,180 --> 00:26:07,307 Yeah. I-I just installed your wireless fence. 588 00:26:07,432 --> 00:26:10,310 Based on what my wife told me, you did a lot more than that. 589 00:26:10,435 --> 00:26:13,229 Oh, yeah, well, I, I checked out the plumbing in the back. 590 00:26:13,355 --> 00:26:14,731 You know, poked around a little bit. 591 00:26:14,856 --> 00:26:16,816 - You son of a bitch! - Whoa, whoa. I'm sorry. 592 00:26:16,941 --> 00:26:18,193 I just wanted to see where the poop goes. 593 00:26:18,318 --> 00:26:19,319 Your wife seemed fine with it. 594 00:26:19,444 --> 00:26:21,863 - Okay, stop it! - Okay. 595 00:26:21,988 --> 00:26:24,949 I just need to know your secret. 596 00:26:25,075 --> 00:26:26,284 My secret? 597 00:26:28,870 --> 00:26:30,914 What makes you such an incredible lover? 598 00:26:32,248 --> 00:26:35,585 I mean, how do you cast such a spell over women? 599 00:26:35,710 --> 00:26:37,545 - Um… - You know what? I'll pay you. 600 00:26:38,380 --> 00:26:40,757 I'll pay you $1,000 to watch. 601 00:26:41,299 --> 00:26:42,842 To, to watch what? 602 00:26:42,967 --> 00:26:44,803 Fine, I'll pay you $5,000. 603 00:26:44,928 --> 00:26:47,764 But not with my wife. I don't think I can handle that. 604 00:26:47,889 --> 00:26:49,974 Ok… Am… am I missing something here? 605 00:26:50,100 --> 00:26:52,394 Oh, Jesus Christ, do I have to spell it out for you? 606 00:26:52,519 --> 00:26:55,105 I will pay you $5,000 to watch you 607 00:26:55,230 --> 00:26:57,691 - have sex with your wife. - What? 608 00:26:57,816 --> 00:26:59,984 I could be mad at you, 609 00:27:00,110 --> 00:27:01,486 but I'm not. 610 00:27:02,487 --> 00:27:04,698 Truth is, I'm envious. 611 00:27:04,823 --> 00:27:09,160 You're obviously a stallion of some kind, and I'm… not. 612 00:27:10,161 --> 00:27:11,871 I wanna learn from a master. 613 00:27:13,665 --> 00:27:15,000 Five grand? 614 00:27:29,514 --> 00:27:30,890 Would you excuse me? 615 00:27:43,319 --> 00:27:45,405 Uh… Susan? 616 00:27:45,530 --> 00:27:47,615 - Yeah. - Um… 617 00:27:49,534 --> 00:27:53,705 I'm gonna ask you something, and it may scare you at first, 618 00:27:53,830 --> 00:27:57,208 but before you say no, just think about it. 619 00:27:57,334 --> 00:27:58,418 What is it? 620 00:28:01,338 --> 00:28:03,506 Would you… 621 00:28:03,631 --> 00:28:06,259 have sex with me while another guy watches? 622 00:28:07,594 --> 00:28:10,055 Oh, Matty! 623 00:28:10,180 --> 00:28:12,599 Of course I would! 624 00:28:12,724 --> 00:28:14,267 Really? Oh! 625 00:28:14,726 --> 00:28:17,062 Thank you, Cosmopolitan. 626 00:28:21,649 --> 00:28:23,276 I'm ready. Can you find it? 627 00:28:23,401 --> 00:28:25,028 I'll just move it a little. Yeah. 628 00:28:25,153 --> 00:28:27,739 Mr. Robichek, would you like some coffee? 629 00:28:27,864 --> 00:28:29,991 No, I'm fine. I'm just here to watch the sex. 630 00:28:30,116 --> 00:28:31,660 All right, well, here we go. 631 00:28:43,421 --> 00:28:44,756 And that oughta do it. 632 00:28:44,881 --> 00:28:45,881 That's it? 633 00:28:45,965 --> 00:28:48,259 That's how my dad showed me. 634 00:28:49,969 --> 00:28:52,013 Now I'm more confused than ever. 635 00:28:57,185 --> 00:28:58,770 Matty. 636 00:28:58,895 --> 00:29:00,105 You're all better. 637 00:29:00,230 --> 00:29:01,356 Yeah, I guess so. 638 00:29:01,481 --> 00:29:04,776 Oh. I love you so much. 639 00:29:04,901 --> 00:29:06,695 Well, same here. 640 00:29:08,780 --> 00:29:14,995 And I want you to know, whatever kinks you may have, 641 00:29:15,120 --> 00:29:17,706 you can always tell me. 642 00:29:17,831 --> 00:29:19,708 Jesus Christ, Susan. 643 00:29:19,833 --> 00:29:22,043 Why do you gotta ruin everything? 644 00:29:31,469 --> 00:29:33,722 Wow, you look fantastic. 645 00:29:33,847 --> 00:29:35,140 Ted, what are you doing here? 646 00:29:35,265 --> 00:29:37,726 Look, I had to come here and tell you. 647 00:29:37,851 --> 00:29:39,519 I really am in love with you. 648 00:29:39,644 --> 00:29:41,980 And I wanna spend the rest of my life with you. 649 00:29:42,105 --> 00:29:43,940 Which could possibly be, like, a thousand years. 650 00:29:44,065 --> 00:29:45,483 We ain't really figured that one out yet. 651 00:29:45,608 --> 00:29:47,986 But I can be a better man to you than he ever could. 652 00:29:48,111 --> 00:29:50,530 Ted… I can't. 653 00:29:51,281 --> 00:29:54,367 What? Is this because I took that eight dollars? 654 00:29:54,492 --> 00:29:55,869 - What? - Oh, uh… It's… 655 00:29:55,994 --> 00:29:57,037 Never mind. Nothing. 656 00:29:57,162 --> 00:29:59,456 Look, you're very sweet. 657 00:29:59,581 --> 00:30:02,667 And what we had was fun and wonderful. 658 00:30:02,792 --> 00:30:04,919 But David and I are gonna try and make things work. 659 00:30:05,253 --> 00:30:07,255 But he's an asshole. 660 00:30:07,380 --> 00:30:09,341 You've only seen one side of him. 661 00:30:09,466 --> 00:30:10,800 I went up on you. 662 00:30:10,925 --> 00:30:14,554 David came home last night remorseful and contrite. 663 00:30:14,679 --> 00:30:16,681 He told me he still loves me more than life itself. 664 00:30:16,806 --> 00:30:18,725 And something else about having no idea 665 00:30:18,850 --> 00:30:19,893 the sexual bar was so low. 666 00:30:20,018 --> 00:30:21,478 But anyway, 667 00:30:21,603 --> 00:30:23,438 he's my husband, and I'm gonna keep him. 668 00:30:23,897 --> 00:30:25,065 - But… - I know you'll find 669 00:30:25,190 --> 00:30:28,109 that special person that you can share your life with. 670 00:30:28,902 --> 00:30:32,238 She'll be all yours, not someone else's. 671 00:30:32,364 --> 00:30:33,364 Mr. You good, hon? 672 00:30:33,448 --> 00:30:34,949 Um, I'll be ready in a minute. 673 00:30:35,075 --> 00:30:35,993 Mr. Who's at the door? 674 00:30:36,076 --> 00:30:38,370 Mrs. It's nobody, sweetheart. 675 00:30:39,746 --> 00:30:41,081 Goodbye, Ted. 676 00:30:57,972 --> 00:31:00,517 I'll never find anybody else. 677 00:31:00,642 --> 00:31:03,228 There'll never be another Mrs. Robichek. 678 00:31:03,353 --> 00:31:05,480 Oh, buddy, I'm so sorry. 679 00:31:05,605 --> 00:31:07,774 I wish you'd never wished me alive. 680 00:31:07,899 --> 00:31:09,984 I can't handle the agony. 681 00:31:10,110 --> 00:31:12,862 Everything's gonna be okay. All right? You'll see. 682 00:31:12,987 --> 00:31:15,740 No. There will never be another woman for me. 683 00:31:15,865 --> 00:31:17,575 Not ever. 684 00:31:21,496 --> 00:31:24,082 I never saw Mrs. Robichek again after that. 685 00:31:24,207 --> 00:31:26,668 I heard she and her husband moved to Barcelona. 686 00:31:26,793 --> 00:31:29,295 Eventually my pain subsided. 687 00:31:29,421 --> 00:31:32,298 And then one day years later, at an adults-only flea market, 688 00:31:32,424 --> 00:31:33,633 who did I run into 689 00:31:33,758 --> 00:31:35,760 but the old purple dildo. 690 00:31:35,885 --> 00:31:37,971 He had some scratches and a few dog bites. 691 00:31:38,096 --> 00:31:39,639 But it was him, all right. 692 00:31:39,764 --> 00:31:41,057 We exchanged a few laughs 693 00:31:41,182 --> 00:31:43,018 and then went our separate ways. 694 00:31:43,143 --> 00:31:44,769 We didn't say goodbye, though. 695 00:31:44,894 --> 00:31:47,313 I guess we both wanted to keep the door open. 696 00:31:47,439 --> 00:31:49,524 Occasionally I'll put an ad in the classifieds, 697 00:31:49,649 --> 00:31:51,401 see if he answers. 698 00:31:51,526 --> 00:31:52,361 You ever feel like you don't know 699 00:31:52,444 --> 00:31:54,279 when to stop talking?