1 00:00:40,288 --> 00:00:41,498 Jesus. 2 00:00:41,581 --> 00:00:43,083 That's something a lunatic would say to himself. 3 00:00:43,166 --> 00:00:44,251 Yeah, no shit. 4 00:00:47,962 --> 00:00:49,464 Yeah, that's something you'd find smeared in blood 5 00:00:49,547 --> 00:00:51,216 on the wall at a crime scene. 6 00:00:51,299 --> 00:00:53,093 Also, aren't pizza in the evening 7 00:00:53,176 --> 00:00:55,679 and pizza at suppertime kinda the same thing? 8 00:00:55,762 --> 00:00:58,140 No, not to this guy. He's lost his fuckin' mind. 9 00:00:58,223 --> 00:00:59,641 Come in. 10 00:01:01,101 --> 00:01:02,144 Okay. 11 00:01:02,227 --> 00:01:04,688 Um, so I'd rather die 12 00:01:04,771 --> 00:01:07,399 than ask you guys for this particular favor. 13 00:01:07,482 --> 00:01:09,693 Not a strong opening to whatever this is. 14 00:01:09,776 --> 00:01:13,030 But I have finals next week, and I'm all out of pot, 15 00:01:13,113 --> 00:01:14,323 and I need it to study. 16 00:01:14,406 --> 00:01:16,283 Could I please borrow some from you guys? 17 00:01:16,366 --> 00:01:17,993 Well, well, well. 18 00:01:18,076 --> 00:01:20,412 Isn't this a fine sack of balls? 19 00:01:20,495 --> 00:01:22,414 Come on. I can't concentrate without it. 20 00:01:22,497 --> 00:01:23,957 And I got a shit ton of work to do. 21 00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:25,709 Compliment us. 22 00:01:25,959 --> 00:01:27,669 - What? - Compliment us. 23 00:01:27,752 --> 00:01:28,712 - One each. - Yeah. 24 00:01:28,795 --> 00:01:30,130 And make it good too. 25 00:01:30,213 --> 00:01:31,923 Somethin' we don't even know about ourselves. 26 00:01:32,966 --> 00:01:34,134 Okay. 27 00:01:34,217 --> 00:01:36,219 Uh, John… 28 00:01:37,262 --> 00:01:39,097 you are one of the only people 29 00:01:39,180 --> 00:01:41,850 who walks at the right speed in the mall. 30 00:01:42,267 --> 00:01:45,062 Wow, that's… that's actually huge. 31 00:01:45,145 --> 00:01:46,730 It is. 32 00:01:46,813 --> 00:01:48,899 And, Ted, I like that 33 00:01:48,982 --> 00:01:50,359 if I find blood around the house, 34 00:01:50,442 --> 00:01:51,985 I know that it's not yours. 35 00:01:52,068 --> 00:01:53,820 A fuckin' plus, Blaire. 36 00:01:53,903 --> 00:01:55,113 Johnny, fetch the pot box. 37 00:01:55,196 --> 00:01:56,114 Pot box incomin'. 38 00:01:56,197 --> 00:01:57,532 Thank you. 39 00:01:59,701 --> 00:02:00,327 Oh, shit. 40 00:02:00,410 --> 00:02:02,120 - What? - We're out too. 41 00:02:02,203 --> 00:02:03,955 Oh, fuckin' great. 42 00:02:04,038 --> 00:02:06,041 Well, okay, just a thought. 43 00:02:06,124 --> 00:02:07,876 Maybe we go without for a little while. 44 00:02:07,959 --> 00:02:08,835 Would that be healthy? 45 00:02:08,918 --> 00:02:11,129 Johnny, look me in the eye. 46 00:02:11,546 --> 00:02:13,048 Snap the fuck out of it! 47 00:02:13,131 --> 00:02:14,299 You want us to die? 48 00:02:14,382 --> 00:02:16,009 Well, what do you want me to do? 49 00:02:16,092 --> 00:02:17,636 Our regular guy's outta town. 50 00:02:17,719 --> 00:02:20,305 - Hey, what about Chris Bleth? - Who's that? 51 00:02:20,388 --> 00:02:22,307 Uh, he's this weird kid at our school 52 00:02:22,390 --> 00:02:24,309 who has a pet snake and always looks wet. 53 00:02:24,392 --> 00:02:25,978 Oh, yeah, you know, he gets high. 54 00:02:26,061 --> 00:02:29,189 Wait, no, I cannot buy pot from a 17-year-old. 55 00:02:29,272 --> 00:02:31,733 - Nah, it's okay. He's 23. - Jesus. 56 00:02:31,816 --> 00:02:33,485 Yeah, he still lives with his parents. 57 00:02:33,568 --> 00:02:36,237 I always see them in the upstairs window of the house, 58 00:02:36,654 --> 00:02:38,115 but they never seem to move. 59 00:02:38,198 --> 00:02:40,742 His mom's holding a yellow newspaper. 60 00:02:51,795 --> 00:02:52,421 Hi, Gus. 61 00:02:52,504 --> 00:02:53,422 Hi, Mrs. Bennett. 62 00:02:53,505 --> 00:02:54,756 Got your mail here. 63 00:02:54,839 --> 00:02:56,591 Thank you so much. 64 00:02:56,674 --> 00:02:58,468 How's your wife's new eyeball? 65 00:02:58,551 --> 00:03:00,470 Uh, it's been rough. 66 00:03:00,553 --> 00:03:02,222 Uh, it gets turned around now and then, 67 00:03:02,305 --> 00:03:05,183 so I have to shake her for about seven minutes. 68 00:03:05,266 --> 00:03:06,977 But the doctor says it's just our life 69 00:03:07,060 --> 00:03:08,186 for the next few months. 70 00:03:08,269 --> 00:03:10,022 Please send her my love. 71 00:03:10,105 --> 00:03:11,940 I will. Thanks so much. 72 00:03:18,279 --> 00:03:21,116 - Here's your paper, Matty. - Jesus, Susan. 73 00:03:21,199 --> 00:03:24,369 Why, why you gotta jam yourself into everybody's business, huh? 74 00:03:24,452 --> 00:03:26,204 The-the guy's gotta shake his wife 75 00:03:26,287 --> 00:03:27,205 like a Magic 8 Ball. 76 00:03:27,288 --> 00:03:28,415 He doesn't wanna talk about it. 77 00:03:28,498 --> 00:03:31,335 I was showing him that I care. 78 00:03:31,418 --> 00:03:33,378 People like it when you take an interest in their lives. 79 00:03:33,461 --> 00:03:35,130 It makes 'em feel special. 80 00:03:35,213 --> 00:03:36,715 Will you look at this? 81 00:03:36,798 --> 00:03:39,676 Three kids were arrested for vandalizing the church. 82 00:03:39,759 --> 00:03:42,387 Oh, my God, they were? Yeah. 83 00:03:42,470 --> 00:03:44,431 Says they were high on drugs and broke in 84 00:03:44,514 --> 00:03:47,059 and dragged their dicks across the organ keys. 85 00:03:47,142 --> 00:03:48,143 - Oh, no. - Yeah. 86 00:03:48,226 --> 00:03:49,394 Went on for a half hour 87 00:03:49,477 --> 00:03:51,313 before Father O'Dell finally stopped 'em. 88 00:03:51,396 --> 00:03:52,606 Oh, Matty, look. 89 00:03:52,689 --> 00:03:55,317 It says all the boys attend John Hancock High. 90 00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:56,318 That's John's school! 91 00:03:56,401 --> 00:03:57,569 Bunch of delinquents. 92 00:03:57,652 --> 00:03:59,905 And there's a quote from Father O'Dell. 93 00:03:59,988 --> 00:04:02,574 "This is just the latest example of the fallout 94 00:04:02,657 --> 00:04:05,744 "from a decline in family values. 95 00:04:05,827 --> 00:04:09,247 "When parents are involved in their children's lives, 96 00:04:09,330 --> 00:04:11,416 "this sort of thing doesn't happen." 97 00:04:11,499 --> 00:04:14,211 Oh, Matty, what if that were John? 98 00:04:14,294 --> 00:04:15,629 It wasn't. Relax. 99 00:04:15,712 --> 00:04:18,340 Well, maybe we need to get more involved in his life. 100 00:04:18,423 --> 00:04:20,342 Finally. 101 00:04:20,425 --> 00:04:22,844 I'd just never forgive myself if Johnny turned out 102 00:04:22,927 --> 00:04:24,846 like those church boys on the drugs. 103 00:04:24,929 --> 00:04:26,932 And there's the rest of it. 104 00:04:27,015 --> 00:04:29,267 Fuckin' gas station made the worst tuna sandwich 105 00:04:29,350 --> 00:04:30,310 I've ever had in my life. 106 00:04:30,393 --> 00:04:32,396 That was two weeks ago. 107 00:04:32,479 --> 00:04:34,147 Yeah, it's been stuck behind a Denny's breakfast. 108 00:04:34,230 --> 00:04:35,857 Matty… 109 00:04:37,025 --> 00:04:40,195 how about we spend some quality time together tonight? 110 00:04:40,278 --> 00:04:41,238 Please? 111 00:04:41,321 --> 00:04:42,322 Fine. Whatever. 112 00:04:42,405 --> 00:04:45,283 Oh! Thank you, Matty. 113 00:04:47,660 --> 00:04:49,287 Goddamn Beetle Bailey 114 00:04:49,370 --> 00:04:51,873 fuckin' around on my tax dollars. 115 00:05:04,386 --> 00:05:06,596 Hi. Can I help you? 116 00:05:06,679 --> 00:05:10,642 Hi. Yeah, we're, um… uh, Chris' friends from school. 117 00:05:10,725 --> 00:05:12,269 Oh, yes, of course. You can go on in. 118 00:05:12,352 --> 00:05:13,520 The boys are playing. 119 00:05:19,442 --> 00:05:20,569 Bash his head in! 120 00:05:20,652 --> 00:05:21,778 Chop off the legs first! Kill him! 121 00:05:21,861 --> 00:05:23,363 Die, you ugly piece of shit! 122 00:05:23,446 --> 00:05:24,323 Chop his fucking head off! 123 00:05:24,406 --> 00:05:25,324 Dude, you stabbed him! 124 00:05:25,407 --> 00:05:26,491 Shit, I'm dying! 125 00:05:26,574 --> 00:05:28,576 Who is it? 126 00:05:31,413 --> 00:05:34,082 Fucking goddamn it! 127 00:05:34,165 --> 00:05:35,334 The Owlbear dodges your mace, 128 00:05:35,417 --> 00:05:36,752 slashing you nose to navel. 129 00:05:36,835 --> 00:05:38,795 You take 12 points of damage 130 00:05:38,878 --> 00:05:41,089 as the Owlbear laps up your blood. 131 00:05:41,172 --> 00:05:44,176 You are seriously gonna kill me right before we find the temple? 132 00:05:44,259 --> 00:05:47,054 Fuck you in the ass, Chris! That's not appropriate! 133 00:05:47,137 --> 00:05:48,180 Yeah, Chris. What the hell? 134 00:05:48,263 --> 00:05:49,431 We can't play without Brent. 135 00:05:49,514 --> 00:05:51,391 Hey. The rules are the rules. 136 00:05:51,474 --> 00:05:52,517 You don't like my game, 137 00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:54,227 you can leave any time. 138 00:05:54,310 --> 00:05:55,646 You know what? Fuck this then! 139 00:05:55,729 --> 00:05:57,605 I want my velvet dice bag back. 140 00:05:57,939 --> 00:05:59,941 You've been a real asshole ever since you kissed a girl. 141 00:06:00,024 --> 00:06:02,778 Fuck you, and the half-horse, half-dragon you rode in on. 142 00:06:02,861 --> 00:06:03,570 Come on, guys. 143 00:06:03,653 --> 00:06:05,781 Okay, bye. Okay, bye-bye. 144 00:06:05,864 --> 00:06:07,157 Get outta here. 145 00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:08,408 Now I don't have to work your missing father 146 00:06:08,491 --> 00:06:09,368 into the storyline. 147 00:06:09,451 --> 00:06:10,369 This is bullshit. 148 00:06:10,452 --> 00:06:11,786 Let's get outta here. 149 00:06:13,204 --> 00:06:14,539 Uh, hey. 150 00:06:14,622 --> 00:06:16,500 John Bennett. The hell are you doing here? 151 00:06:16,583 --> 00:06:19,419 Well, uh, my family and I were hoping that 152 00:06:19,502 --> 00:06:20,671 you had some marijuana we could purchase. 153 00:06:20,754 --> 00:06:22,547 Now's not a good time, okay? 154 00:06:22,630 --> 00:06:25,217 I just wasted a masterpiece of a D&D campaign 155 00:06:25,300 --> 00:06:28,511 on a bunch of ungrateful shits! 156 00:06:28,803 --> 00:06:31,556 Oh, I'm, uh, I'm so sorry to hear that. 157 00:06:31,639 --> 00:06:32,849 Uh, we'll make this quick, then. 158 00:06:32,932 --> 00:06:35,227 I am too mad to sell weed right now, okay? 159 00:06:35,310 --> 00:06:38,438 I need to lie down in the dark and look at my glow stars. 160 00:06:38,688 --> 00:06:40,816 You're, uh, you're upset about your masterpiece. 161 00:06:40,899 --> 00:06:42,526 - That right? - Fuckin' A right! 162 00:06:42,609 --> 00:06:44,444 Well, maybe we could help you out. 163 00:06:44,736 --> 00:06:45,736 What do you mean? 164 00:06:45,862 --> 00:06:49,324 Well, maybe we can play a game 165 00:06:49,991 --> 00:06:51,702 and we could get some pot while we're at it. 166 00:06:51,785 --> 00:06:53,704 I don't wanna start this adventure over 167 00:06:53,787 --> 00:06:55,622 with a brand-new fucking group. 168 00:06:55,705 --> 00:06:56,999 - Sorry. - Come on. 169 00:06:57,082 --> 00:06:58,750 Don't you wanna make those assholes jealous? 170 00:06:58,833 --> 00:07:00,002 Yeah, think about the look on their faces 171 00:07:00,085 --> 00:07:02,545 when you're doing this with new guys. 172 00:07:03,505 --> 00:07:04,715 Fuck was that? 173 00:07:04,798 --> 00:07:06,550 What do you mean? I was rolling dice. 174 00:07:06,633 --> 00:07:07,884 No, you weren't. That's not what that was. 175 00:07:07,967 --> 00:07:10,470 - Yes, it was. - You were biting your lower lip. 176 00:07:10,553 --> 00:07:12,472 Yeah, 'cause I'm so excited about the game. 177 00:07:12,555 --> 00:07:14,016 And why'd you throw it on his face? 178 00:07:14,099 --> 00:07:15,809 Have you guys ever even played D&D before? 179 00:07:15,892 --> 00:07:18,186 Uh, no, but we learn fast. 180 00:07:18,269 --> 00:07:19,313 Wait a minute, you guys. 181 00:07:19,396 --> 00:07:20,689 Is this even fuckin' worth it? 182 00:07:20,772 --> 00:07:22,441 I don't know shit about this weird game. 183 00:07:22,524 --> 00:07:24,609 Is D&D the one with hungry hippos? 184 00:07:24,692 --> 00:07:26,028 - Wait, what am I thinking of? - Forget it. 185 00:07:26,111 --> 00:07:27,779 You would make a mockery of the art form. 186 00:07:27,862 --> 00:07:29,865 Well, well, now hang on a second, just hang on. 187 00:07:29,948 --> 00:07:31,616 How about we make it interesting? 188 00:07:31,699 --> 00:07:35,036 If we can beat your game, you give us the weed. 189 00:07:36,538 --> 00:07:40,000 Best the quest, earn the herb. 190 00:07:40,083 --> 00:07:42,044 You just said that like you think it rhymes. 191 00:07:42,127 --> 00:07:43,420 You don't think that rhymes, do you? 192 00:07:43,503 --> 00:07:44,755 Just think about it. 193 00:07:44,838 --> 00:07:47,758 A D&D game with real-world stakes. 194 00:07:47,841 --> 00:07:50,051 Imagine how alive you'll feel. 195 00:07:50,635 --> 00:07:52,346 All right. We'll do it. 196 00:07:52,429 --> 00:07:53,597 But we have to play at your place. 197 00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:55,598 My son wakes up early in the morning for school. 198 00:08:01,896 --> 00:08:03,231 Because this is your first time playing, 199 00:08:03,314 --> 00:08:05,484 I've gone ahead and premade your character sheets 200 00:08:05,567 --> 00:08:07,277 so we can jump right into the game. 201 00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:08,737 It says I'm a mage. What's that? 202 00:08:08,820 --> 00:08:10,155 It's like a wizard. 203 00:08:10,238 --> 00:08:11,490 Do I get weekends off? 204 00:08:11,573 --> 00:08:12,908 That's your first question? 205 00:08:12,991 --> 00:08:14,576 Hey, I'm starting a new job. 206 00:08:14,659 --> 00:08:16,453 I think it's reasonable to know what the hours are. 207 00:08:16,536 --> 00:08:18,538 Bard? What's a bard? 208 00:08:18,621 --> 00:08:21,333 It's a balladeer. A singer of songs. 209 00:08:21,416 --> 00:08:22,501 Oh, great. That's useful. 210 00:08:22,584 --> 00:08:23,669 "Oh, shit. It's a dragon." 211 00:08:23,752 --> 00:08:25,796 "Don't worry. Here's 'Material Girl.'" 212 00:08:25,879 --> 00:08:26,922 Blaire, what are you? 213 00:08:27,005 --> 00:08:30,676 I'm a thief. So I steal shit? 214 00:08:30,759 --> 00:08:31,802 Yeah, like in The Hobbit. 215 00:08:31,885 --> 00:08:33,512 Oh, like Dildo Baggins. 216 00:08:33,595 --> 00:08:35,555 - What? - Dildo Baggins, The Hobbit. 217 00:08:35,638 --> 00:08:36,473 Bilbo. 218 00:08:36,556 --> 00:08:38,350 - It is? - Yes. 219 00:08:38,433 --> 00:08:39,935 His name was Dildo Bilbo? 220 00:08:40,018 --> 00:08:41,687 Hi, kids. 221 00:08:41,770 --> 00:08:42,771 What you doing? 222 00:08:42,854 --> 00:08:44,439 Oh, hey. Hey, Mom. 223 00:08:44,522 --> 00:08:46,608 We're just, uh, we're just playing a game. 224 00:08:46,691 --> 00:08:49,027 - This is our friend Chris. - Hi, Chris. 225 00:08:49,110 --> 00:08:52,280 Johnny, did you warn him about the toilet down here? 226 00:08:52,363 --> 00:08:53,365 What about the toilet? 227 00:08:53,448 --> 00:08:54,950 Chris, if you're gonna use the toilet, 228 00:08:55,033 --> 00:08:57,035 there are five things you need to know. 229 00:08:57,118 --> 00:08:59,413 We're, uh, we're actually in the middle of a game here, Ma. 230 00:08:59,496 --> 00:09:02,666 I know. It looks like so much fun. 231 00:09:02,749 --> 00:09:04,251 Can your father and I play? 232 00:09:04,334 --> 00:09:06,503 - Yeah… It's not their thing. - It's not… 233 00:09:06,586 --> 00:09:08,714 - Great. See ya. - Oh, no. Matty. Wait, wait. 234 00:09:08,797 --> 00:09:11,883 Johnny, we just wanna spend some time with you. 235 00:09:11,966 --> 00:09:14,469 Take an interest in your interests. 236 00:09:14,552 --> 00:09:15,554 You know, this adventure actually is 237 00:09:15,637 --> 00:09:17,389 balanced for five heroes. 238 00:09:17,472 --> 00:09:20,100 I have extra character sheets if they wanna play. 239 00:09:22,143 --> 00:09:23,520 Uh… Sure. 240 00:09:23,603 --> 00:09:26,606 - Yeah, sure. - Oh! Wonderful. 241 00:09:26,689 --> 00:09:28,650 Now, do I need to put any makeup on? 242 00:09:28,733 --> 00:09:29,526 Am I okay? 243 00:09:29,609 --> 00:09:30,902 You're… you're fine. 244 00:09:30,985 --> 00:09:33,321 Mr. Bennett, you'll be playing our cleric. 245 00:09:33,780 --> 00:09:35,198 Mrs. Bennett, you'll be playing our fighter. 246 00:09:35,281 --> 00:09:39,411 Oh! I like that. Like Nancy Crawford. 247 00:09:39,494 --> 00:09:41,621 - What? - Our neighbor. 248 00:09:41,704 --> 00:09:43,790 She had cancer. 249 00:09:43,873 --> 00:09:46,668 She was a fighter. For a while. 250 00:09:46,918 --> 00:09:49,046 Wasn't enough, though. 251 00:09:49,129 --> 00:09:51,757 God gave up on her, the poor thing. 252 00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:54,760 I can't remember what kind of cancer she had. 253 00:09:54,843 --> 00:09:57,888 I do remember she lost a big piece of her tongue. 254 00:09:57,971 --> 00:09:59,598 Can the cleric be deaf? 255 00:09:59,681 --> 00:10:00,766 All the information 256 00:10:00,849 --> 00:10:02,017 about who you'll be playing in the game 257 00:10:02,100 --> 00:10:03,435 is recorded on your character sheet. 258 00:10:03,518 --> 00:10:04,770 I've assigned you your class, 259 00:10:04,853 --> 00:10:06,647 but you can go ahead and pick your race. 260 00:10:06,730 --> 00:10:09,483 - White. - What? 261 00:10:09,566 --> 00:10:11,902 - You said I can pick a race. - Oh. No. 262 00:10:11,985 --> 00:10:13,779 Can I pick white instead of one of the races? 263 00:10:13,862 --> 00:10:15,613 No. By race, we mean elf, 264 00:10:15,864 --> 00:10:17,574 half-elf, dwarf. 265 00:10:17,657 --> 00:10:18,784 Why don't we just start the game now? 266 00:10:18,867 --> 00:10:21,536 Cancer. It's not a good one. 267 00:10:21,786 --> 00:10:25,791 Our adventure begins in a weathered old tavern 268 00:10:25,874 --> 00:10:29,753 at the edge of a mysterious forest. 269 00:10:40,013 --> 00:10:41,890 I already fuckin' hate this. 270 00:10:49,439 --> 00:10:51,775 You're a band of traveling adventurers, 271 00:10:51,858 --> 00:10:54,778 and you've heard tales of a great hidden temple 272 00:10:54,861 --> 00:10:56,404 filled with gold. 273 00:10:56,738 --> 00:10:58,824 It was guarded by the Iridor cult 274 00:10:58,907 --> 00:11:01,660 until they all disappeared. 275 00:11:01,743 --> 00:11:03,996 Rumor has it a cultist who defected 276 00:11:04,079 --> 00:11:07,749 now frequents this tavern and has a map to the temple. 277 00:11:07,832 --> 00:11:09,960 All right. Where do we start? 278 00:11:10,043 --> 00:11:11,336 The sooner we find this map, 279 00:11:11,419 --> 00:11:13,672 the sooner we get the, uh… treasure. 280 00:11:13,755 --> 00:11:15,840 Well, maybe the bartender knows something. 281 00:11:19,594 --> 00:11:20,846 Yeah, I'll have a Sam Adams. 282 00:11:20,929 --> 00:11:22,806 Ooh, I am sorry, good cleric, 283 00:11:22,889 --> 00:11:24,849 but here we only serve mead. 284 00:11:25,183 --> 00:11:26,518 What are you, an asshole? 285 00:11:26,601 --> 00:11:27,978 I'll have a pint of mead. 286 00:11:28,061 --> 00:11:30,647 He will absolutely not have alcohol. 287 00:11:30,730 --> 00:11:32,441 He can have a Dr. Pepper. 288 00:11:32,524 --> 00:11:34,693 Dr. Pepper? 289 00:11:34,776 --> 00:11:36,278 These are strange words. 290 00:11:36,361 --> 00:11:38,238 Christ, it's that Mexican restaurant 291 00:11:38,321 --> 00:11:39,281 all over again. 292 00:11:39,364 --> 00:11:40,782 Guys. Look. 293 00:11:44,619 --> 00:11:46,454 I bet that's our cultist. 294 00:11:50,542 --> 00:11:53,128 Hey, Star Wars, can we talk to you for a second? 295 00:11:54,212 --> 00:11:55,756 Speak. 296 00:11:55,839 --> 00:12:00,177 Ohh. Poor man. I'll bet he's anorexic. 297 00:12:00,260 --> 00:12:03,847 You know, your body's beautiful just the way it is. 298 00:12:03,930 --> 00:12:05,682 Jesus Christ, here we go. 299 00:12:05,765 --> 00:12:07,517 Are you the guy with the map? 300 00:12:08,893 --> 00:12:10,562 Steven Tyler! 301 00:12:10,645 --> 00:12:12,439 Shh. Let him talk. 302 00:12:12,772 --> 00:12:15,817 I was one of the Iridor followers. 303 00:12:16,151 --> 00:12:18,362 In our attempt to purify this world, 304 00:12:18,445 --> 00:12:20,197 we gathered in the temple 305 00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:24,033 and awakened a great, otherworldly force. 306 00:12:24,409 --> 00:12:27,954 But it was too powerful, too evil. 307 00:12:28,037 --> 00:12:31,041 And now it could destroy our entire realm. 308 00:12:31,124 --> 00:12:32,459 Can I just hear you sing, 309 00:12:32,542 --> 00:12:35,253 "And I think to myself, what a wonderful world"? 310 00:12:35,336 --> 00:12:38,339 Do you have a map to this evil temple? 311 00:12:38,631 --> 00:12:40,842 I vowed never to return. 312 00:12:41,843 --> 00:12:43,678 So you may have my map. 313 00:12:47,849 --> 00:12:48,892 Thank you. 314 00:12:48,975 --> 00:12:50,602 I think this is a gay bar. 315 00:12:50,685 --> 00:12:51,770 I mean, I don't care, but it is. 316 00:12:51,853 --> 00:12:53,354 Do they have bathrooms here? 317 00:12:57,859 --> 00:12:59,486 I'll just hold it. 318 00:13:12,957 --> 00:13:15,002 Looks like we continue this way 319 00:13:15,085 --> 00:13:19,131 for a bit through Warlock Woods. 320 00:13:19,214 --> 00:13:20,757 Hey, you think we'll see a centaur? 321 00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:22,134 Maybe. 322 00:13:22,217 --> 00:13:25,137 Hey, is there such a thing as a reverse centaur? 323 00:13:25,220 --> 00:13:26,972 Like, just a naked guy with a horse's head 324 00:13:27,055 --> 00:13:28,140 just walking around? 325 00:13:28,223 --> 00:13:29,641 Oh, yeah. 326 00:13:29,724 --> 00:13:30,976 Just like a naked dude body 327 00:13:31,059 --> 00:13:32,978 with a dick flopping around with a big horse head. 328 00:13:33,061 --> 00:13:34,938 - Yeah, like, the worst of both. - Yeah. 329 00:13:35,021 --> 00:13:36,815 Just showing up, making everybody uncomfortable. 330 00:13:36,898 --> 00:13:38,108 Yeah. It's like, go home, dude. 331 00:13:38,191 --> 00:13:39,985 Go home. Nobody wants you here. 332 00:13:40,068 --> 00:13:42,237 Yeah. No one wants to see a horse head and your man dick. 333 00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:43,655 Just walking down the street, 334 00:13:43,738 --> 00:13:45,157 dropping the occasional pile of shit. 335 00:13:45,240 --> 00:13:47,451 Yeah, it's like, dude, this is a public fuckin' park. 336 00:13:47,534 --> 00:13:49,661 Get the fuck outta here with your weird fuckin' setup. 337 00:13:49,744 --> 00:13:50,996 Yeah, there are families here, man. 338 00:13:51,079 --> 00:13:52,873 There's a kid's birthday party right over there. 339 00:13:52,956 --> 00:13:53,915 Get outta here. 340 00:13:53,998 --> 00:13:55,125 Fuck, I'm mad now. 341 00:13:55,208 --> 00:13:56,835 Fuckin' reverse centaur. 342 00:13:56,918 --> 00:13:58,962 Isn't that what Gary Busey is? 343 00:14:01,548 --> 00:14:02,841 Greetings, adventurers. 344 00:14:02,924 --> 00:14:04,968 Come peruse my wares. 345 00:14:05,051 --> 00:14:07,054 Look, a gnomish merchant. 346 00:14:07,137 --> 00:14:11,058 I have healing potions, sleeping potions, short swords, 347 00:14:11,141 --> 00:14:12,601 two-handed swords. 348 00:14:12,684 --> 00:14:14,311 Jesus, look at this stuff. 349 00:14:14,394 --> 00:14:16,563 O.J. would have a field day out here. 350 00:14:16,646 --> 00:14:18,023 And what about you, thief? 351 00:14:18,106 --> 00:14:19,900 How about a brand-new dagger? 352 00:14:19,983 --> 00:14:22,736 But beware, I have magical wards 353 00:14:22,819 --> 00:14:25,030 to punish those who shoplift. 354 00:14:25,113 --> 00:14:26,907 Well, you know, usually when someone steals, 355 00:14:26,990 --> 00:14:29,034 it's a result of a much larger social imbalance. 356 00:14:29,117 --> 00:14:30,535 For fuck's sake, Blaire, 357 00:14:30,618 --> 00:14:32,037 can we just get to the end of this and get the weed? 358 00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:33,955 You got any sunscreen for my fuckin' head? 359 00:14:34,038 --> 00:14:38,043 It says you sell weapons, potions, and more. 360 00:14:38,126 --> 00:14:39,544 What's the more? 361 00:14:39,627 --> 00:14:41,088 Well, I have bags of holding. 362 00:14:41,171 --> 00:14:44,633 Amulets and trinkets and an immovable rod. 363 00:14:44,716 --> 00:14:46,259 What's an immovable rod? 364 00:14:46,342 --> 00:14:49,179 It's a rod that's fixed in place and cannot be moved. 365 00:14:49,262 --> 00:14:50,889 Well, then how'd you get it here? 366 00:14:50,972 --> 00:14:52,057 Can we just kill this guy? 367 00:14:52,140 --> 00:14:53,892 I'm Susan, by the way. 368 00:14:53,975 --> 00:14:55,894 Susan the Destroyer. 369 00:14:55,977 --> 00:14:57,938 Do you enjoy being in sales? 370 00:14:58,021 --> 00:15:00,273 Jesus Christ, every fuckin' time! 371 00:15:00,356 --> 00:15:01,483 Guys, we gotta keep moving. 372 00:15:01,566 --> 00:15:03,235 So just buy what you need and let's go. 373 00:15:03,318 --> 00:15:07,739 Okay, I'll take a, a flint, a torch, 374 00:15:07,822 --> 00:15:09,741 and a hundred yards of rope. 375 00:15:09,824 --> 00:15:11,493 Oh, and, uh… 376 00:15:11,576 --> 00:15:13,078 a tampon. 377 00:15:13,870 --> 00:15:15,122 This is a strange word. 378 00:15:15,205 --> 00:15:17,499 A rod of absorbency. 379 00:15:27,717 --> 00:15:28,635 This is it. 380 00:15:28,718 --> 00:15:30,011 The Iridor temple. 381 00:15:37,227 --> 00:15:39,521 You no get by me. 382 00:15:39,604 --> 00:15:40,647 Oh, great grammar. 383 00:15:40,730 --> 00:15:45,027 This my territory. You leave or die! 384 00:15:45,110 --> 00:15:48,113 Well, Mom, you're the fighter. Go kick his ass. 385 00:15:48,863 --> 00:15:50,448 Okay. 386 00:15:50,782 --> 00:15:53,410 Well, I can certainly try. 387 00:15:55,995 --> 00:15:57,247 Boop. 388 00:15:57,956 --> 00:15:58,998 Right on your nose. 389 00:16:02,585 --> 00:16:04,087 What do you think we should do, Dad? 390 00:16:05,547 --> 00:16:06,547 Dad? 391 00:16:07,549 --> 00:16:08,549 Dad? 392 00:16:10,009 --> 00:16:11,637 - Huh? - Matty, will you please 393 00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:12,887 pay attention? 394 00:16:13,096 --> 00:16:14,723 I played Russian roulette in 'Nam. 395 00:16:14,806 --> 00:16:16,850 Sorry if this game ain't holding my attention. 396 00:16:16,933 --> 00:16:19,019 The ogre is getting angrier. 397 00:16:19,102 --> 00:16:21,021 Time is running out, 398 00:16:21,104 --> 00:16:24,024 but there may yet be a way to slip past him. 399 00:16:24,107 --> 00:16:25,651 Teddy, play something on your lute. 400 00:16:25,734 --> 00:16:26,735 Maybe you can charm him. 401 00:16:26,818 --> 00:16:28,028 Ah. Okay. 402 00:16:28,111 --> 00:16:29,279 Well, Mr. Ogre, 403 00:16:29,362 --> 00:16:31,323 I would like to sing a ballad for you. 404 00:16:31,406 --> 00:16:35,076 This is the tale of the movie Philadelphia. 405 00:17:13,281 --> 00:17:14,491 Ted, you're good. We got it. 406 00:17:14,866 --> 00:17:15,866 Ah. 407 00:17:22,540 --> 00:17:25,043 Jesus, I can't see shit. 408 00:17:25,126 --> 00:17:26,712 Does anyone have a flashlight? 409 00:17:26,795 --> 00:17:28,005 Oh, Susan, your torch. 410 00:17:28,088 --> 00:17:30,256 Oh! All right. 411 00:17:32,967 --> 00:17:33,844 Fuck you! 412 00:17:33,927 --> 00:17:35,220 Fuck you! Fuck you! 413 00:17:36,179 --> 00:17:37,430 Come on. This way. 414 00:17:43,978 --> 00:17:45,814 Ew, I think that's an orc turd. 415 00:18:11,214 --> 00:18:12,882 Wow! 416 00:18:13,258 --> 00:18:15,427 Look at this place! 417 00:18:15,510 --> 00:18:18,179 I feel like I'm at an art museum. 418 00:18:24,227 --> 00:18:27,648 To pass, we desire four of a kind. 419 00:18:27,731 --> 00:18:28,982 Ah, fuck. 420 00:18:29,065 --> 00:18:30,275 Are we gonna have to tip these guys? 421 00:18:30,358 --> 00:18:33,862 A simple task and easy to find. 422 00:18:33,945 --> 00:18:36,948 Yeah, you're about to find out about the immovable wallet. 423 00:18:37,031 --> 00:18:39,117 What howls without lips. 424 00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:41,078 What runs without feet. 425 00:18:41,161 --> 00:18:42,954 What is always below. 426 00:18:43,037 --> 00:18:44,957 And what always must eat. 427 00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:47,459 I just heard that and I don't remember any of it. 428 00:18:47,542 --> 00:18:50,462 Guess we gotta solve the riddle to keep going. 429 00:18:53,423 --> 00:18:55,300 Oh, shit. 430 00:18:55,383 --> 00:18:57,135 Oh, that's fuckin' great, Blaire! 431 00:18:57,218 --> 00:18:58,136 Okay, okay. Nobody panic. 432 00:18:58,219 --> 00:18:59,429 We just gotta solve the riddle. 433 00:18:59,512 --> 00:19:01,598 Something that howls without lips. 434 00:19:01,681 --> 00:19:03,225 Something that runs without feet. 435 00:19:03,308 --> 00:19:04,309 Uh, runs without feet. 436 00:19:04,392 --> 00:19:06,144 Uh, a guy in the Special Olympics. 437 00:19:06,227 --> 00:19:08,105 A-a diabetic chasing an ice cream truck. 438 00:19:08,188 --> 00:19:09,940 Something that always must eat. 439 00:19:10,023 --> 00:19:11,149 Uh, welfare queens! 440 00:19:11,232 --> 00:19:12,526 Shut up and let me think. 441 00:19:12,609 --> 00:19:14,987 Okay, we know it has to be a group of four, right? 442 00:19:15,070 --> 00:19:17,030 - Boyz II Men. - Oh, nice. 443 00:19:17,113 --> 00:19:18,156 Right? Wait a minute. 444 00:19:18,239 --> 00:19:19,199 If there's four of 'em, 445 00:19:19,282 --> 00:19:20,492 shouldn't they be called Boyz IV Men? 446 00:19:20,575 --> 00:19:22,035 Yeah, I don't think that'd work. 447 00:19:22,118 --> 00:19:23,203 There's four of 'em. Boyz IV Men. 448 00:19:23,286 --> 00:19:24,496 It'd work even better. 449 00:19:24,579 --> 00:19:26,748 Yeah, just maybe not with the right crowd. 450 00:19:26,831 --> 00:19:29,167 Wait a minute! Uh, it's the elements. 451 00:19:29,250 --> 00:19:30,627 Water, wind, earth, fire. 452 00:19:30,710 --> 00:19:32,921 Holy shit. Blaire, you're right. 453 00:19:33,004 --> 00:19:35,090 Uh… Fireball. 454 00:19:41,513 --> 00:19:43,223 Okay, I got earth. 455 00:19:52,148 --> 00:19:53,358 Does anyone have any water? 456 00:19:53,441 --> 00:19:55,068 Oh, uh, uh, it says on my paper 457 00:19:55,151 --> 00:19:57,154 I have a pouch of holy water. 458 00:19:57,237 --> 00:19:58,405 Oh, wait. 459 00:19:58,488 --> 00:20:00,032 That's what the fuck this is. 460 00:20:00,115 --> 00:20:01,241 Christ, I've been pissing in it. 461 00:20:01,324 --> 00:20:04,161 Wait, Dad. Piss is mostly water. 462 00:20:04,244 --> 00:20:06,121 Not mine. It's a lot of pulp. 463 00:20:06,204 --> 00:20:07,247 Oh, for fuck's sake, just try it! 464 00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:17,924 Don't fuckin' smile at me, you weirdo. 465 00:20:18,007 --> 00:20:20,385 Okay, now we just need wind. 466 00:20:20,468 --> 00:20:22,679 Oh. Teddy, you can blow on its hands. 467 00:20:22,762 --> 00:20:24,306 You're a bard. You got breath support. 468 00:20:24,389 --> 00:20:27,350 Fuckin' Christ, I'm blowin' people for weed. 469 00:20:43,366 --> 00:20:44,701 Susan and Matty: Oh! 470 00:21:00,091 --> 00:21:01,635 You know what's sad? 471 00:21:01,718 --> 00:21:04,471 This is the only vacation we've ever taken as a family. 472 00:21:04,554 --> 00:21:07,599 Guys, is this really all fuckin' worth it? 473 00:21:07,682 --> 00:21:10,477 I mean, do we really need the weed that badly? 474 00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:11,603 Are you shitting me? 475 00:21:11,686 --> 00:21:12,938 You wanna listen to Eddie Vedder's voice 476 00:21:13,021 --> 00:21:14,272 on a weedless brain? 477 00:21:14,355 --> 00:21:16,024 Oh, God, I didn't think of that. 478 00:21:16,107 --> 00:21:18,276 I watched Road House without weed one time, Johnny. 479 00:21:18,359 --> 00:21:19,736 It was fuckin' terrible. 480 00:21:19,819 --> 00:21:22,447 Patrick Swayze has sex in the same pond 481 00:21:22,530 --> 00:21:24,157 he just killed a guy in, like, a week ago. 482 00:21:24,240 --> 00:21:25,283 Stop it, dude. 483 00:21:25,366 --> 00:21:27,452 John, nothing we like is good. 484 00:21:34,417 --> 00:21:37,462 Oh. Look, it's one of the cultists. 485 00:21:37,545 --> 00:21:39,631 Um, excuse me? 486 00:21:40,298 --> 00:21:41,633 Hi. 487 00:21:42,258 --> 00:21:43,258 Are you… 488 00:21:44,552 --> 00:21:46,138 Are you here to save us? 489 00:21:46,221 --> 00:21:47,472 Not a… 490 00:21:47,555 --> 00:21:49,975 not a lot of Black people in Chris' world, huh? 491 00:21:50,058 --> 00:21:51,476 You're just in time. 492 00:21:51,559 --> 00:21:54,896 The infamous, all-powerful Dral'hul 493 00:21:54,979 --> 00:21:58,567 will soon end existence as we know it. 494 00:21:58,650 --> 00:22:00,402 Yeah, Dral'hul doesn't mean 495 00:22:00,485 --> 00:22:02,321 as much as you think he does outside of here. 496 00:22:02,404 --> 00:22:04,364 Like, we're just hearing about him. 497 00:22:04,447 --> 00:22:07,784 He is a fearsome being from the nether-realm. 498 00:22:07,867 --> 00:22:12,164 I am the only one left keeping him at bay. 499 00:22:12,247 --> 00:22:13,540 Well, how do we kill him? 500 00:22:13,790 --> 00:22:16,335 The beast is nearly invincible. 501 00:22:16,418 --> 00:22:19,338 However, there is one way 502 00:22:19,421 --> 00:22:22,007 to cast him back to his realm. 503 00:22:22,090 --> 00:22:23,091 You must… 504 00:22:24,342 --> 00:22:25,802 What the fuck, Dad? 505 00:22:25,885 --> 00:22:28,472 What? I fuckin' sped things along! 506 00:22:28,555 --> 00:22:30,307 He was about to give us the information we needed. 507 00:22:30,390 --> 00:22:32,100 Like, game-winning information. 508 00:22:32,183 --> 00:22:35,354 We were so close and you ruined everything! 509 00:22:35,437 --> 00:22:36,813 Why are you guys even here? 510 00:22:36,896 --> 00:22:40,067 - We were trying to protect you. - What? 511 00:22:40,150 --> 00:22:43,028 We wanted to get more involved in your life 512 00:22:43,111 --> 00:22:45,447 to make sure that you weren't getting into trouble. 513 00:22:45,530 --> 00:22:46,782 Ma, what trouble? 514 00:22:46,865 --> 00:22:48,533 I just don't know what I'd do 515 00:22:48,616 --> 00:22:50,827 if you turned out like one of those boys in church. 516 00:22:51,828 --> 00:22:52,829 What boys? 517 00:22:52,912 --> 00:22:55,624 There were three boys in the paper, 518 00:22:55,707 --> 00:22:57,250 and they did drugs, 519 00:22:57,333 --> 00:22:58,669 and they got arrested. 520 00:22:58,752 --> 00:23:00,379 And Father O'Dell says 521 00:23:00,462 --> 00:23:03,340 it's because of no family values. 522 00:23:03,423 --> 00:23:04,675 We don't want you to get humped up 523 00:23:04,758 --> 00:23:07,094 on the doobage, Johnny. 524 00:23:07,177 --> 00:23:09,763 We just wanna be a bigger part of your life. 525 00:23:09,846 --> 00:23:13,141 Wait, you're down here helping us win this game 526 00:23:13,224 --> 00:23:14,810 to keep John off drugs? 527 00:23:14,893 --> 00:23:16,103 Yeah. 528 00:23:16,186 --> 00:23:17,938 Anyone wanna weigh in here? 529 00:23:18,021 --> 00:23:21,274 Mom, thank you 530 00:23:21,357 --> 00:23:23,193 for trying to keep me off drugs. 531 00:23:23,943 --> 00:23:24,943 I love you. 532 00:23:26,112 --> 00:23:28,490 Now, what do you guys say we win this game? 533 00:23:28,573 --> 00:23:31,535 Dral'hul bursts into the chamber 534 00:23:31,618 --> 00:23:33,369 with an eruption of flame! 535 00:23:41,711 --> 00:23:44,881 Great. It's the demon we have no idea how to kill… 536 00:23:44,964 --> 00:23:47,592 because Matty refuses to go to anger management. 537 00:23:47,675 --> 00:23:49,261 - Fuck your mother. - Wait a minute. 538 00:23:49,344 --> 00:23:50,721 Maybe we can still do this. 539 00:23:50,804 --> 00:23:55,100 Uh, I cast magic missile. 540 00:23:55,183 --> 00:23:57,477 - Three points of damage. - Okay. 541 00:23:57,560 --> 00:24:00,188 Three points of damage from your arcane blast. 542 00:24:00,271 --> 00:24:03,859 Dral'hul whips around, breathing a cone of black flame, 543 00:24:03,942 --> 00:24:06,445 dealing 38 points of damage. 544 00:24:06,528 --> 00:24:07,321 You are dead. 545 00:24:07,404 --> 00:24:09,948 Johnny! No! 546 00:24:10,031 --> 00:24:11,408 Matty, do something! 547 00:24:11,491 --> 00:24:12,492 Jesus, Susan! 548 00:24:12,575 --> 00:24:14,619 That was right in my fuckin' ear. 549 00:24:14,702 --> 00:24:17,914 All right, uh, can, can I heal him? 550 00:24:17,997 --> 00:24:19,666 I mean, that-that's my whole deal, right? 551 00:24:19,749 --> 00:24:21,001 There's nothing left to heal. 552 00:24:21,084 --> 00:24:22,377 Then I, then I, 553 00:24:22,460 --> 00:24:24,379 I, I charge the demon 554 00:24:24,462 --> 00:24:26,297 and I bash in his head like the last guy. 555 00:24:27,590 --> 00:24:29,676 Okay, before you can reach him… 556 00:24:29,759 --> 00:24:31,595 Yeah, he whips around with his barbed tail, 557 00:24:31,678 --> 00:24:32,638 piercing your chest. 558 00:24:32,721 --> 00:24:35,515 Dealing you 32 points of damage. 559 00:24:35,598 --> 00:24:37,517 - You're dead. - Fuckin' finally. 560 00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:40,062 Wait. As a thief, it says on my character sheet 561 00:24:40,145 --> 00:24:42,522 that I carry a potion of darkness. 562 00:24:42,605 --> 00:24:43,523 You do. 563 00:24:43,606 --> 00:24:45,483 Okay, I use that… 564 00:24:48,194 --> 00:24:51,156 …and sneak up on Dral'hul when the torches go out. 565 00:24:51,239 --> 00:24:53,367 Aha. Backstab. 566 00:24:53,450 --> 00:24:54,493 Page 40 of the player's handbook. 567 00:24:54,576 --> 00:24:56,662 Very clever. 568 00:24:56,745 --> 00:24:57,621 Unfortunately, Dral'hul does have darkvision, 569 00:24:57,704 --> 00:24:59,122 so he can easily see you. 570 00:24:59,205 --> 00:25:02,250 He's going to unhinge his jaw. He bites your head off. 571 00:25:02,333 --> 00:25:03,502 - You're dead. - Shit. 572 00:25:03,585 --> 00:25:05,504 When she died, did she poop herself? 573 00:25:05,587 --> 00:25:06,588 What the fuck? 574 00:25:07,589 --> 00:25:09,758 - Yes. - You had to roll for that? 575 00:25:09,841 --> 00:25:11,385 - Yes. - That's weird. 576 00:25:11,468 --> 00:25:14,012 Every time I go to the john, I'm rolling the dice. 577 00:25:14,095 --> 00:25:18,558 Dral'hul moves steadily closer. What do you do? 578 00:25:18,641 --> 00:25:21,269 - I attack you. - What? 579 00:25:21,352 --> 00:25:23,522 You heard me, I attack you. 580 00:25:23,605 --> 00:25:25,649 You can't. The Dungeon Master is God. 581 00:25:25,732 --> 00:25:27,234 Fine, I attack God. 582 00:25:27,317 --> 00:25:29,528 That would be like attacking a thousand Dral'huls. 583 00:25:29,611 --> 00:25:31,196 Only a madman would do that. 584 00:25:37,786 --> 00:25:39,579 That's a critical hit. 585 00:25:39,662 --> 00:25:41,373 Uh… 586 00:25:41,456 --> 00:25:43,709 I take six points of damage. 587 00:25:43,792 --> 00:25:45,669 - I attack again. - Well, just… 588 00:25:45,752 --> 00:25:46,752 I-I don't know if you, uh… 589 00:25:47,629 --> 00:25:48,839 Oh, my God, another nat 20. 590 00:25:48,922 --> 00:25:50,549 Uh… 591 00:25:50,632 --> 00:25:52,426 I take ten additional points of damage. 592 00:25:52,509 --> 00:25:54,303 - Come on, buddy. Fuck him up. - Oh! You got this! 593 00:25:54,386 --> 00:25:58,223 I harness all my strength, preparing a death blow. 594 00:25:59,808 --> 00:26:01,310 Is a one good? 595 00:26:01,393 --> 00:26:04,145 No, no, no, no, no. 596 00:26:06,981 --> 00:26:09,526 Well, there it goes. We're all dead. 597 00:26:09,609 --> 00:26:11,778 Well, I'm alive. 598 00:26:12,654 --> 00:26:14,322 Hi. 599 00:26:14,739 --> 00:26:17,784 I'm Susan Bennett from Framingham, Massachusetts. 600 00:26:17,867 --> 00:26:19,244 What's your name? 601 00:26:19,536 --> 00:26:22,664 I am Dral'hul from Hell. 602 00:26:22,956 --> 00:26:25,208 Oh! Do you know Barbara? 603 00:26:25,291 --> 00:26:26,918 Mom, what are you doing? You're a fighter. 604 00:26:27,001 --> 00:26:29,171 - Just fight him. - She fuckin' always does this. 605 00:26:29,254 --> 00:26:31,673 Are you also from the Boston area? 606 00:26:31,756 --> 00:26:34,593 I was birthed by flames 607 00:26:34,676 --> 00:26:37,638 and the wailing of tormented souls. 608 00:26:37,721 --> 00:26:40,390 Oh. That's why I had an epidural. 609 00:26:41,516 --> 00:26:43,727 Do you enjoy being a demon? 610 00:26:45,854 --> 00:26:46,980 It's okay. 611 00:26:47,063 --> 00:26:48,732 Must be hard having people 612 00:26:48,815 --> 00:26:51,192 afraid of you all the time. 613 00:26:52,694 --> 00:26:54,488 You… you know, actually it is. 614 00:26:54,571 --> 00:26:55,906 Uh, thank you for acknowledging. 615 00:26:55,989 --> 00:26:57,866 What did you say your name was? Susan? 616 00:26:57,949 --> 00:26:59,785 Susan. Susan. Susan. 617 00:26:59,868 --> 00:27:02,037 Susan, you are a breath of fresh air. 618 00:27:02,120 --> 00:27:03,872 Oh. Stop. 619 00:27:03,955 --> 00:27:05,958 You know, sometimes I think people come to me 620 00:27:06,041 --> 00:27:09,086 only for my power or my treasure. 621 00:27:09,169 --> 00:27:11,838 No one ever just comes by just to say hi. 622 00:27:11,921 --> 00:27:13,382 See how I'm doing. 623 00:27:13,465 --> 00:27:15,050 That must really hurt. 624 00:27:15,133 --> 00:27:16,927 You know, it does. 625 00:27:17,010 --> 00:27:19,721 Is that why you wanna destroy the world? 626 00:27:20,263 --> 00:27:22,975 Turns out the real demon is loneliness. 627 00:27:23,058 --> 00:27:25,560 Maybe you need to meet some new people 628 00:27:25,643 --> 00:27:27,270 or take up a hobby. 629 00:27:27,353 --> 00:27:30,565 There's a spot open in my watercolor group. 630 00:27:30,899 --> 00:27:32,609 - Really? - Oh, wait. No, there isn't. 631 00:27:32,692 --> 00:27:34,444 Oh. I forgot. 632 00:27:34,527 --> 00:27:37,656 Carol apologized to Janine, and now she's back in class. 633 00:27:37,739 --> 00:27:38,824 What did Carol do? 634 00:27:38,907 --> 00:27:40,993 She drew a portrait of Janine, 635 00:27:41,076 --> 00:27:43,328 and she didn't leave out her mustache. 636 00:27:43,411 --> 00:27:44,579 No! 637 00:27:44,662 --> 00:27:45,789 She added in the mustache. 638 00:27:45,872 --> 00:27:47,457 And they call me a demon. 639 00:27:47,540 --> 00:27:48,708 I know, right? 640 00:27:51,628 --> 00:27:52,671 Oh! I know! 641 00:27:52,754 --> 00:27:55,382 Oh, oh. 642 00:27:58,051 --> 00:28:00,970 I needed that. I needed that laugh. 643 00:28:01,262 --> 00:28:04,265 This is why I love meeting new people. 644 00:28:05,433 --> 00:28:09,938 And, moved by the fighter's compassion, 645 00:28:10,563 --> 00:28:13,317 Dral'hul dissipates into his infernal realm, 646 00:28:13,400 --> 00:28:16,611 leaving behind the temple full of treasure. 647 00:28:16,903 --> 00:28:18,530 The world is safe. 648 00:28:18,613 --> 00:28:19,906 The quest is done. 649 00:28:21,574 --> 00:28:22,784 - Whoo! - My God, Mom. 650 00:28:22,867 --> 00:28:24,703 You have no idea how much we love you right now. 651 00:28:24,786 --> 00:28:25,996 So proud of you, Aunt Suse. 652 00:28:26,079 --> 00:28:27,706 You're a fuckin' genius. 653 00:28:27,789 --> 00:28:29,750 Well, now I see you and your friends 654 00:28:29,833 --> 00:28:33,712 are having adventures together without the drugs. 655 00:28:33,795 --> 00:28:35,756 Oh, Matty, these are good kids. 656 00:28:35,839 --> 00:28:37,966 Oh, yeah. We won the lottery, Susan. 657 00:28:38,049 --> 00:28:40,969 And don't you worry, Ma, we are never gonna use drugs. 658 00:28:41,052 --> 00:28:42,846 Come on, let's go. 659 00:28:47,058 --> 00:28:49,310 Now, about those drugs… 660 00:29:00,113 --> 00:29:01,823 That was some adventure. 661 00:29:01,906 --> 00:29:03,325 Do you think the fact that we went through 662 00:29:03,408 --> 00:29:05,786 that much trouble just to get some weed, 663 00:29:05,869 --> 00:29:07,663 is that, like, a sign of a serious problem? 664 00:29:07,746 --> 00:29:10,749 No. It's a sign of serious commitment. 665 00:29:10,832 --> 00:29:14,711 You think maybe somewhere, somehow, in another dimension, 666 00:29:14,794 --> 00:29:17,714 the D&D world is real, and we're the game? 667 00:29:17,797 --> 00:29:20,216 Whoa. 668 00:29:32,437 --> 00:29:35,607 Susan is going to love this. 669 00:29:35,690 --> 00:29:37,651 - mom: Dral'hul! - What? 670 00:29:37,734 --> 00:29:38,777 Your demon friends are here 671 00:29:38,860 --> 00:29:41,780 to play Stoners & Teddy Bears. 672 00:29:41,863 --> 00:29:43,323 Just tell them to fuck… 673 00:29:43,406 --> 00:29:46,201 Tell them to come down then. God! 674 00:29:46,284 --> 00:29:47,744 Language. 675 00:29:47,827 --> 00:29:49,704 Fuckin' hate you.