1 00:00:32,133 --> 00:00:35,887 Man. I can't believe we're halfway through senior year. 2 00:00:35,970 --> 00:00:38,974 Yeah, time flies when you're stoned fifteen hours a day. 3 00:00:39,057 --> 00:00:41,268 Everyone sure has changed since we got here. 4 00:00:41,351 --> 00:00:43,145 I mean, Clive's even got a beard now. 5 00:00:43,228 --> 00:00:45,230 He looks like Chuck Norris quit karate 6 00:00:45,313 --> 00:00:47,607 and started calling himself Charles Norris. 7 00:00:47,690 --> 00:00:49,943 He looks like an admiral who defies the President's order 8 00:00:50,026 --> 00:00:51,236 to nuke a Russian sub. 9 00:00:51,319 --> 00:00:53,071 He looks like a man of letters 10 00:00:53,154 --> 00:00:56,950 who sexually satisfied Barbra Streisand in 1978. 11 00:00:57,033 --> 00:00:58,618 You know who hasn't changed at all? 12 00:00:58,701 --> 00:01:00,329 - Who? - Me. 13 00:01:00,412 --> 00:01:03,248 I'm the same fucking loser I was the day I walked in here. 14 00:01:03,331 --> 00:01:04,416 You know, I'm gonna go to college 15 00:01:04,499 --> 00:01:05,584 having never had a girlfriend. 16 00:01:05,667 --> 00:01:06,835 How fucking lame is that? 17 00:01:06,918 --> 00:01:08,086 What about Bethany? 18 00:01:08,169 --> 00:01:09,087 No, I'm talking about, 19 00:01:09,170 --> 00:01:10,672 like, a real relationship. 20 00:01:10,755 --> 00:01:13,091 Everyone in school's got it figured out, but not me. 21 00:01:13,174 --> 00:01:14,760 I'm the last single guy left. 22 00:01:14,843 --> 00:01:16,803 I mean, the jocks have the cheerleaders. 23 00:01:16,886 --> 00:01:18,263 Andrew's got Polly. 24 00:01:18,346 --> 00:01:19,931 Even all the gay kids have carpal tunnel 25 00:01:20,014 --> 00:01:21,266 from giving each other handjobs. 26 00:01:21,349 --> 00:01:23,852 I can't believe Blue Cross covers that. 27 00:01:24,686 --> 00:01:26,521 Hey, what about Erin? She's single. 28 00:01:26,604 --> 00:01:29,149 And remember, Susan told us she's not a total bitch. 29 00:01:29,232 --> 00:01:30,942 God, she's so fucking hot. 30 00:01:31,025 --> 00:01:33,153 Never happen, though. She doesn't date dorks. 31 00:01:33,236 --> 00:01:34,404 Hey, you never know. 32 00:01:34,487 --> 00:01:36,615 Maybe she's sick of guys with lots of confidence, 33 00:01:36,698 --> 00:01:38,825 chiseled jaws, and huge dicks. 34 00:01:38,908 --> 00:01:40,952 I'm too nervous to even masturbate to her. 35 00:01:41,035 --> 00:01:43,330 I get self-conscious and I got performance anxiety. 36 00:01:43,413 --> 00:01:46,124 Lately, I can only jerk off to people who are lesser than me. 37 00:01:46,207 --> 00:01:48,126 - Who? - Lot of Tammy Faye Baker 38 00:01:48,209 --> 00:01:49,336 and homeless women. 39 00:01:49,419 --> 00:01:50,837 Ah. 40 00:01:54,549 --> 00:01:56,134 Hey, what about NYU? 41 00:01:56,217 --> 00:01:57,969 Don't pick nothing too expensive. 42 00:01:58,052 --> 00:02:00,681 Don't worry, Matty. John's not getting into college. 43 00:02:00,764 --> 00:02:02,974 Hey, why not? I got a 2.6. 44 00:02:03,057 --> 00:02:04,726 Colleges don't just look at your grades. 45 00:02:04,809 --> 00:02:07,312 They also consider your extracurricular activities. 46 00:02:07,395 --> 00:02:08,730 You have zero. 47 00:02:08,813 --> 00:02:10,399 Oh, my God. John, she's right. 48 00:02:10,482 --> 00:02:11,733 It says "Activities," 49 00:02:11,816 --> 00:02:13,568 and then there's eight blank lines. 50 00:02:13,651 --> 00:02:15,904 Who the hell does eight lines worth of stuff? 51 00:02:15,987 --> 00:02:17,572 Tim Allen. 52 00:02:17,655 --> 00:02:19,408 People who actually go to college. 53 00:02:19,491 --> 00:02:23,328 I mean, I did debate, newspaper, swimming, volleyball. 54 00:02:23,411 --> 00:02:25,414 But John can't do any of those things. 55 00:02:25,497 --> 00:02:27,207 He's just a boy. 56 00:02:27,290 --> 00:02:28,750 I could swim if there's an adult. 57 00:02:34,589 --> 00:02:36,341 There's no way to bullshit ourselves, Susan. 58 00:02:36,424 --> 00:02:38,343 We're in real financial trouble here. 59 00:02:38,426 --> 00:02:41,513 Well, you'll pull us through, Matty. You always do. 60 00:02:41,596 --> 00:02:43,348 I don't know. Not this time. We're not gonna… 61 00:02:43,431 --> 00:02:44,516 We're not gonna stay above water, 62 00:02:44,599 --> 00:02:46,059 let alone pay for college 63 00:02:46,142 --> 00:02:47,686 unless I find other work. 64 00:02:47,769 --> 00:02:49,187 And you know whose fucking fault it is? 65 00:02:49,270 --> 00:02:51,106 Oh, please don't say it's yours. 66 00:02:51,189 --> 00:02:52,190 Course not. 67 00:02:52,273 --> 00:02:53,191 It's fucking Clinton. 68 00:02:53,274 --> 00:02:54,693 - Oh. - Yeah. Why… 69 00:02:54,776 --> 00:02:55,694 Why's he telling everybody 70 00:02:55,777 --> 00:02:57,112 they should go to college anyhow? 71 00:02:57,195 --> 00:02:59,364 Like I want to blow twenty-five grand 72 00:02:59,447 --> 00:03:00,699 so my son can turn gay? 73 00:03:00,782 --> 00:03:02,701 It should be cheaper to do that. 74 00:03:02,784 --> 00:03:04,369 I always thought John could get a job 75 00:03:04,452 --> 00:03:06,538 or… or get drafted like I did, 76 00:03:06,621 --> 00:03:07,789 but there aren't even any good wars. 77 00:03:07,872 --> 00:03:10,208 This whole thing's my fault. 78 00:03:10,291 --> 00:03:12,294 I've been spending like a society girl, 79 00:03:12,377 --> 00:03:15,213 getting all my oil from Olay. 80 00:03:15,296 --> 00:03:16,882 I can find cheaper sources. 81 00:03:16,965 --> 00:03:18,884 No. Don't ever say that. 82 00:03:18,967 --> 00:03:20,469 You deserve the best skincare 83 00:03:20,552 --> 00:03:22,303 that Filene's Basement can offer. 84 00:03:23,138 --> 00:03:25,348 I'll find a job to pull us through to spring. 85 00:03:27,725 --> 00:03:29,102 I saw a deer today. 86 00:03:29,185 --> 00:03:30,395 I don't want to get involved. 87 00:03:37,736 --> 00:03:39,237 Jesus Christ. 88 00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:41,073 This is what it takes to get into college? 89 00:03:41,156 --> 00:03:42,491 These all look fucking awful. 90 00:03:42,574 --> 00:03:43,617 - Math club? - No. 91 00:03:43,700 --> 00:03:44,743 - Lacrosse? - No. 92 00:03:44,826 --> 00:03:45,577 - Soccer? - No. 93 00:03:45,660 --> 00:03:46,495 - Astronomy? - No. 94 00:03:46,578 --> 00:03:47,412 Did the Holocaust happen? 95 00:03:47,495 --> 00:03:48,330 No. Oh, wait! No! 96 00:03:48,413 --> 00:03:49,623 - Ah, too late. - No. No, man. 97 00:03:49,706 --> 00:03:50,916 - Fuck you. - Too late, too late. 98 00:03:50,999 --> 00:03:52,167 You're a monster. I'm telling everybody. 99 00:03:52,250 --> 00:03:54,336 Fuck you. Oh, hey, look at this. 100 00:03:54,419 --> 00:03:57,089 "Audition for Camelot. A Royal Delight!" 101 00:03:57,172 --> 00:03:59,091 Huh. What do you think? 102 00:03:59,174 --> 00:04:01,259 Well, if I try out, would you audition with me? 103 00:04:01,342 --> 00:04:03,095 - Sure. - How hard could acting be? 104 00:04:03,178 --> 00:04:04,638 I mean, John Travolta does it. 105 00:04:04,721 --> 00:04:06,098 Skeet Ulrich makes a living at it. 106 00:04:06,181 --> 00:04:08,183 There's no way Tom Arnold does something we can't do. 107 00:04:08,266 --> 00:04:09,643 Matt LeBlanc seems to get by. 108 00:04:09,726 --> 00:04:10,936 Someone's paying Kevin Costner. 109 00:04:11,019 --> 00:04:12,312 Christian Slater sticks around. 110 00:04:12,395 --> 00:04:13,605 There's always plenty of Charlie Sheen. 111 00:04:13,688 --> 00:04:15,607 Craig T Nelson owns a house from acting. 112 00:04:15,690 --> 00:04:17,150 - I can act. - You can act. 113 00:04:21,696 --> 00:04:23,949 So, are you familiar with this location? 114 00:04:24,032 --> 00:04:26,118 Yeah. My dad died in here. 115 00:04:26,201 --> 00:04:27,494 Oh. Sweet. 116 00:04:27,577 --> 00:04:29,663 So why do you think you're qualified to work 117 00:04:29,746 --> 00:04:32,290 in a fast-paced environment with real growth opportunities 118 00:04:32,373 --> 00:04:33,500 like Dunkin' Donuts? 119 00:04:33,583 --> 00:04:35,627 I eat donuts and I know what coffee is. 120 00:04:35,710 --> 00:04:38,130 That's basically it. Welcome to the team. 121 00:04:38,213 --> 00:04:40,048 It's $4.25 an hour plus tips. 122 00:04:40,131 --> 00:04:41,842 Do a lot of people give tips? 123 00:04:41,925 --> 00:04:44,177 It's never happened once, but it might. 124 00:04:44,260 --> 00:04:45,720 I should get you a shirt. 125 00:04:47,055 --> 00:04:48,849 Jesus Christ. I gotta wear pink? 126 00:04:48,932 --> 00:04:51,143 Everybody does. It's how the cops know who not to shoot 127 00:04:51,226 --> 00:04:52,560 if anything goes down. 128 00:04:53,395 --> 00:04:56,064 Ah. We got a Marty. That's close enough. 129 00:05:21,423 --> 00:05:23,091 Okay. Okay. 130 00:05:23,842 --> 00:05:25,844 Thank you, Kenneth. I think that's plenty. 131 00:05:25,927 --> 00:05:28,596 Thank you. Um, you can go. 132 00:05:29,097 --> 00:05:31,391 Oh. Well, are you leaning one way or the other 133 00:05:31,474 --> 00:05:33,769 in regards to my inclusion in the play? 134 00:05:33,852 --> 00:05:35,687 Cast list goes up on Monday. 135 00:05:35,770 --> 00:05:37,439 Okay. Thank you. 136 00:05:38,314 --> 00:05:40,942 Poor Kenneth. He auditions for the play every year 137 00:05:41,025 --> 00:05:42,194 and he never gets cast. 138 00:05:42,277 --> 00:05:44,029 Yeah, I overheard Principal Bernard saying 139 00:05:44,112 --> 00:05:46,031 they're worried about his long term self-esteem 140 00:05:46,114 --> 00:05:47,366 and they may have to shoot him. 141 00:05:47,449 --> 00:05:49,034 Well, it's better than letting him suffer. 142 00:05:49,117 --> 00:05:49,910 Yeah. 143 00:05:49,993 --> 00:05:52,036 Hey, Johnny. Look. 144 00:05:54,831 --> 00:05:56,833 Holy shit, it's Erin. 145 00:06:07,218 --> 00:06:08,887 Fuck, she sounds really great. 146 00:06:08,970 --> 00:06:11,056 And she's pretty, so it means more. 147 00:06:25,987 --> 00:06:29,408 Hey, Teddy. If Erin and I were both in the play, 148 00:06:29,491 --> 00:06:31,493 then I would get to spend every day with her. 149 00:06:35,747 --> 00:06:37,916 Erin, that was lovely. Thank you. 150 00:06:37,999 --> 00:06:39,668 Thank you. 151 00:06:39,751 --> 00:06:42,921 Okay. John Benet. 152 00:06:43,004 --> 00:06:44,923 Oh, it's, um… It's Bennett. 153 00:06:45,006 --> 00:06:47,759 Of course. Sorry. I spent the summer in Paris. 154 00:06:47,842 --> 00:06:48,760 Come on up. 155 00:06:48,843 --> 00:06:50,428 All right, buddy, go fuck 'em up. 156 00:06:54,182 --> 00:06:55,391 Okay. 157 00:06:56,559 --> 00:06:57,769 I will be performing 158 00:06:57,852 --> 00:06:59,438 the "Not without my daughter" scene 159 00:06:59,521 --> 00:07:00,897 from Not Without My Daughter. 160 00:07:04,859 --> 00:07:06,194 Not without my daughter! 161 00:07:07,445 --> 00:07:08,530 Thank you. 162 00:07:09,697 --> 00:07:11,616 Okay. Thank you. 163 00:07:11,699 --> 00:07:14,536 Next, uh, Ted. 164 00:07:19,541 --> 00:07:20,959 Good job, man. That was powerful. 165 00:07:24,254 --> 00:07:26,715 Hi. Uh, Ted Bennett. Two feet five inches. 166 00:07:26,798 --> 00:07:28,550 I am locally based, SAG eligible, 167 00:07:28,633 --> 00:07:30,177 and I will not shave. 168 00:07:30,260 --> 00:07:33,888 Okay, I will be performing the theme from the Gummi Bears. 169 00:08:06,921 --> 00:08:08,006 Thank you very much. 170 00:08:12,594 --> 00:08:14,012 I have a question. 171 00:08:14,095 --> 00:08:16,598 Have either one of you ever seen a play before? 172 00:08:16,681 --> 00:08:17,766 - No. - No, we have not. 173 00:08:22,812 --> 00:08:24,356 Well, how much longer do you think it'll be? 174 00:08:24,439 --> 00:08:25,899 I don't know. He said 10 a.m. 175 00:08:25,982 --> 00:08:27,734 Well, maybe we just leave and come back later. 176 00:08:27,817 --> 00:08:29,444 Nah, this way, we can beat the crowd. 177 00:08:29,527 --> 00:08:30,862 Ah. Johnny, look. 178 00:08:34,949 --> 00:08:36,702 Okay, let's check it out. 179 00:08:36,785 --> 00:08:37,869 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! 180 00:08:37,952 --> 00:08:40,371 - What? - Football jocks. 181 00:08:41,289 --> 00:08:43,291 - Oh, shit. - What do we do? 182 00:08:43,374 --> 00:08:45,085 All right. All right, here's what we do. 183 00:08:45,168 --> 00:08:46,753 We walk by casually, 184 00:08:46,836 --> 00:08:48,380 and we check the list without stopping. 185 00:08:48,463 --> 00:08:49,715 Okay. Good plan. 186 00:08:49,798 --> 00:08:50,798 Here we go. 187 00:08:56,888 --> 00:08:58,140 Guard number one! 188 00:08:58,223 --> 00:08:59,307 Guard number two! 189 00:08:59,390 --> 00:09:01,727 - Hey! They're in the play! - Get 'em! 190 00:09:01,810 --> 00:09:03,562 Oh, shit! 191 00:09:03,645 --> 00:09:04,645 Shit! 192 00:09:06,356 --> 00:09:07,733 Oh, my God! 193 00:09:07,816 --> 00:09:09,609 Oh, man, are they gonna get it. 194 00:09:09,692 --> 00:09:12,070 So can you understand why what you did was wrong? 195 00:09:12,153 --> 00:09:13,905 I guess. I… 196 00:09:13,988 --> 00:09:15,991 I mean, I'm still struggling to understand 197 00:09:16,074 --> 00:09:18,744 how our involvement in the play affects you. 198 00:09:18,827 --> 00:09:20,954 Well, it's just, when you're public about it, 199 00:09:21,037 --> 00:09:23,081 and I see you doing something like checking the cast list, 200 00:09:23,164 --> 00:09:25,500 it puts me in a position where I have to act. 201 00:09:25,583 --> 00:09:26,752 Where you have to come beat us up. 202 00:09:26,835 --> 00:09:27,794 Exactly. 203 00:09:27,877 --> 00:09:29,296 To see students involved in the arts 204 00:09:29,379 --> 00:09:31,590 is just really kind of a nonstarter for me. 205 00:09:31,673 --> 00:09:33,341 - It makes me uncomfortable. - All of us. 206 00:09:34,342 --> 00:09:35,927 We're all uncomfortable. 207 00:09:36,010 --> 00:09:37,429 And I just feel like school should be 208 00:09:37,512 --> 00:09:39,014 a non-threatening environment, 209 00:09:39,097 --> 00:09:40,182 and we should feel safe. 210 00:09:40,265 --> 00:09:41,933 And our participation in the play 211 00:09:42,016 --> 00:09:43,435 makes you feel unsafe. 212 00:09:43,518 --> 00:09:45,437 Deeply. I mean, that's all I'm saying. 213 00:09:45,520 --> 00:09:47,105 And I just don't think that's fair. 214 00:09:47,188 --> 00:09:48,523 I guess when you put it that way. 215 00:09:48,606 --> 00:09:50,108 - We were wrong. - We were wrong. Yeah. 216 00:09:50,191 --> 00:09:52,027 - I apologize. Yeah. - Yeah. Me, too. I… I… 217 00:09:52,110 --> 00:09:54,613 The last thing we want to do is make anyone feel uncomfortable. 218 00:09:54,696 --> 00:09:56,823 Okay, well, thank you for understanding. 219 00:09:56,906 --> 00:09:58,367 Oh, no. God, don't mention it. 220 00:09:58,450 --> 00:10:00,369 I've had this go so many different ways. 221 00:10:00,452 --> 00:10:01,870 I've had to beat up so many people 222 00:10:01,953 --> 00:10:03,288 with so many diverse interests. 223 00:10:03,371 --> 00:10:04,706 Oh, listen, we do not want to add 224 00:10:04,789 --> 00:10:06,541 to your already full plate. Really. 225 00:10:06,624 --> 00:10:08,335 - I appreciate that. - We'll be more discreet. 226 00:10:08,418 --> 00:10:09,961 Thank you. Really. 227 00:10:10,044 --> 00:10:12,005 - Okay. You have a good day now. - You, too. 228 00:10:12,088 --> 00:10:13,548 Thanks. And stay dry. 229 00:10:13,631 --> 00:10:15,008 Looks like we might get some drizzle. 230 00:10:15,091 --> 00:10:16,134 We will. Thanks so much. 231 00:10:18,094 --> 00:10:21,014 This school is so fucking weird. 232 00:10:21,097 --> 00:10:22,097 Sorry, I forgot. 233 00:10:31,107 --> 00:10:32,734 Today we've been talking with some people 234 00:10:32,817 --> 00:10:34,569 who say they are all that, 235 00:10:34,652 --> 00:10:36,154 even though their friends disagree 236 00:10:36,237 --> 00:10:37,739 and say that they're just crap. 237 00:10:37,822 --> 00:10:40,200 Oh, my goodness. 238 00:10:42,994 --> 00:10:44,413 Look at this check, would you? 239 00:10:44,496 --> 00:10:45,914 Huh, you fucking believe it? 240 00:10:45,997 --> 00:10:47,499 I worked 40 hours this week. 241 00:10:47,582 --> 00:10:49,376 You know, this Dunkin' money 242 00:10:49,459 --> 00:10:51,336 is only half of what we need to get by. 243 00:10:51,419 --> 00:10:53,672 And we… And we ain't taking any fucking handouts. 244 00:10:53,755 --> 00:10:56,257 Maybe I could get a job, too. 245 00:10:56,925 --> 00:10:58,552 You? Who's gonna make dinner? 246 00:10:58,635 --> 00:11:00,512 I'd still cook dinner. 247 00:11:00,595 --> 00:11:01,555 Who's gonna do the laundry? 248 00:11:01,638 --> 00:11:02,764 Well, I would. 249 00:11:02,847 --> 00:11:05,017 - Who's gonna vacuum? - Me. 250 00:11:05,100 --> 00:11:06,018 Well, as long as we're still splitting 251 00:11:06,101 --> 00:11:07,602 everything equally, then sure. 252 00:11:07,685 --> 00:11:10,272 Do they need any more help at the Dunkin' Donuts? 253 00:11:10,355 --> 00:11:11,857 They still got the sign up. 254 00:11:11,940 --> 00:11:14,192 Well, maybe I could be your little helper. 255 00:11:14,275 --> 00:11:17,612 You and me, side by side, 256 00:11:17,695 --> 00:11:20,741 making the donuts and the coffee. 257 00:11:20,824 --> 00:11:22,034 Be so romantic. 258 00:11:22,117 --> 00:11:23,910 Yeah, great. Hey, do me a favor 259 00:11:23,993 --> 00:11:26,121 and boil a paperclip. I got a wart on my toe. 260 00:11:34,629 --> 00:11:36,715 No, no, no, no. Lancelot, Guenevere, 261 00:11:36,798 --> 00:11:38,383 you two are supposed to be in love, okay? 262 00:11:38,466 --> 00:11:39,885 I'm not feeling any passion here. 263 00:11:39,968 --> 00:11:42,721 Okay, sorry. She's giving me absolutely nothing. 264 00:11:42,804 --> 00:11:44,431 Excuse me? I'm literally 265 00:11:44,514 --> 00:11:46,391 pouring my guts out in this scene. 266 00:11:46,474 --> 00:11:48,393 Oh, that's what that smell was. 267 00:11:48,476 --> 00:11:50,896 - Fuck you. - Okay. Okay, let's… 268 00:11:50,979 --> 00:11:53,106 Let's let's do some basic warm up exercises here. 269 00:11:53,189 --> 00:11:54,232 We'll clear our heads. 270 00:11:55,483 --> 00:11:57,569 Uh, Erin, I thought you were great. 271 00:11:57,652 --> 00:11:59,655 Oh, thanks. I feel so much better now. 272 00:11:59,738 --> 00:12:01,740 Hey, it's pretty cool that we get to work together 273 00:12:01,823 --> 00:12:02,949 for the next few weeks, huh? 274 00:12:03,032 --> 00:12:05,077 Let me nip this in the bud right now. 275 00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:06,953 Not interested in whatever it is 276 00:12:07,036 --> 00:12:08,497 that you're trying to get going here, 277 00:12:08,580 --> 00:12:09,831 so just stay out of my way, 278 00:12:09,914 --> 00:12:12,417 Guard number one or two or whatever. 279 00:12:12,500 --> 00:12:14,169 He's number one. I'm number two. 280 00:12:14,502 --> 00:12:16,254 Also, speaking of number two, 281 00:12:16,337 --> 00:12:19,091 sorry again about that time I shit all over you in class. 282 00:12:19,174 --> 00:12:20,092 Fuck off, bear. 283 00:12:20,175 --> 00:12:21,802 Okay. Erin, Nathan. 284 00:12:21,885 --> 00:12:24,429 Let's try a repetition exercise, okay? 285 00:12:24,512 --> 00:12:25,681 We'll start with something simple. 286 00:12:25,764 --> 00:12:27,849 Maybe "I like your shirt." 287 00:12:27,932 --> 00:12:29,810 Say that back and forth to each other. 288 00:12:29,893 --> 00:12:31,895 See if you can generate any emotion. 289 00:12:33,521 --> 00:12:34,856 I like your shirt. 290 00:12:34,939 --> 00:12:36,817 - I like your shirt. - I like your shirt. 291 00:12:36,900 --> 00:12:38,110 Thank you. It's Ralph Lauren. 292 00:12:38,193 --> 00:12:40,696 No. No, that's not how it's done. 293 00:12:40,779 --> 00:12:42,030 Look, someone else try. 294 00:12:42,113 --> 00:12:44,157 John, Ted. Our two guards. You guys go. 295 00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:45,617 This ought to be good. 296 00:12:47,452 --> 00:12:49,329 Uh, okay. 297 00:12:49,412 --> 00:12:50,664 I like your shirt. 298 00:12:50,747 --> 00:12:51,957 I like your shirt. 299 00:12:52,040 --> 00:12:53,125 I love your shirt. 300 00:12:53,208 --> 00:12:54,793 I fucking lied. I hate your shirt. 301 00:12:54,876 --> 00:12:56,294 You hate my shirt? Fuck you! 302 00:12:56,377 --> 00:12:57,963 Fuck you and your fucking shirt! 303 00:12:58,046 --> 00:12:59,339 Don't talk about my shirt. 304 00:12:59,422 --> 00:13:00,632 I'll fucking kill you, motherfucker! 305 00:13:00,715 --> 00:13:01,758 I'll fucking kill you 306 00:13:01,841 --> 00:13:03,468 and fuck your shirt, you piece of shit! 307 00:13:03,551 --> 00:13:04,761 Fuck you! 308 00:13:07,722 --> 00:13:09,307 Aren't you gonna… 309 00:13:09,390 --> 00:13:11,810 I'll use your shirt to choke you out like a bitch! 310 00:13:11,893 --> 00:13:14,646 I'll strangle you and your whole fucking family! 311 00:13:14,729 --> 00:13:16,565 I'll fucking use your baby son 312 00:13:16,648 --> 00:13:18,817 as a club to beat your fucking mother! 313 00:13:18,900 --> 00:13:21,236 I never knew my mother! 314 00:13:23,405 --> 00:13:25,991 You never knew your mother? 315 00:13:26,074 --> 00:13:29,327 No. I never knew my mother. 316 00:13:30,912 --> 00:13:32,664 Or any of my aunts. 317 00:13:32,747 --> 00:13:36,335 Oh, Sydney, I'm so sorry! I had no idea. 318 00:13:36,418 --> 00:13:38,711 His name was Sydney in the exercise. 319 00:13:41,923 --> 00:13:44,176 Now that, that is acting. 320 00:13:44,259 --> 00:13:45,594 I'm not even wearing a shirt. 321 00:13:45,677 --> 00:13:46,887 Okay, everybody, let's take five. 322 00:13:46,970 --> 00:13:48,596 I gotta go over some notes with the stage crew. 323 00:13:51,516 --> 00:13:53,518 - Hey. - Hey. 324 00:13:53,601 --> 00:13:56,855 That was actually good. What you and Ted just did. 325 00:13:57,605 --> 00:13:58,565 Thank you. 326 00:13:58,648 --> 00:14:00,192 How, um… 327 00:14:00,275 --> 00:14:01,360 How'd you do that? 328 00:14:01,443 --> 00:14:03,779 Oh, well, I watch a lot of movies, 329 00:14:03,862 --> 00:14:06,615 and I figured that all acting's basically just yelling, 330 00:14:06,698 --> 00:14:08,075 whispering, or crying. 331 00:14:08,158 --> 00:14:10,202 So I just picked one of those three things 332 00:14:10,285 --> 00:14:11,411 before I said anything. 333 00:14:11,494 --> 00:14:14,247 Huh. That actually might work. 334 00:14:14,330 --> 00:14:15,957 Thanks, John. 335 00:14:19,377 --> 00:14:21,296 What a fucking cunt, right? 336 00:14:21,379 --> 00:14:23,965 Hey, should we start a massage train? 337 00:14:31,306 --> 00:14:34,810 Okay. Susan, I'm gonna show you our employee orientation video. 338 00:14:34,893 --> 00:14:36,979 Oh, I'm so excited. 339 00:14:37,062 --> 00:14:40,107 I haven't seen a movie in seventeen years. 340 00:14:40,190 --> 00:14:41,316 All right. 341 00:14:49,532 --> 00:14:50,993 Here's your fresh dozen. 342 00:14:51,076 --> 00:14:53,578 Thanks for coming to Dunkin' Donuts. 343 00:14:54,746 --> 00:14:57,332 Smells delicious. Thank you. 344 00:14:59,042 --> 00:15:02,504 Hi. And welcome to the Dunkin' Donuts family. 345 00:15:02,587 --> 00:15:06,258 At Dunkin' Donuts, the customer always comes first. 346 00:15:06,341 --> 00:15:09,136 There are Dunkin' dos and Dunkin' don'ts. 347 00:15:09,219 --> 00:15:11,513 Let's look at a typical situation. 348 00:15:12,597 --> 00:15:15,976 Hello. I'd like a dozen of the chocolate glazed donuts. 349 00:15:16,059 --> 00:15:20,688 We're out of those Also, my shift just ended. 350 00:15:22,607 --> 00:15:23,607 Go! 351 00:15:27,028 --> 00:15:28,989 I'm not sure that customer 352 00:15:29,072 --> 00:15:31,158 will ever want to come back again. 353 00:15:31,241 --> 00:15:35,120 Now let's look at the right way to handle the question. 354 00:15:35,203 --> 00:15:38,040 Hello. I'd like a dozen of the chocolate glazed donuts. 355 00:15:38,123 --> 00:15:40,667 Good choice. You picked one of my favorites. 356 00:15:40,750 --> 00:15:42,836 I'll get them boxed and ready right away. 357 00:15:42,919 --> 00:15:45,297 Also, can I suck your cock for you? 358 00:15:45,380 --> 00:15:46,381 Oh, God damn it! 359 00:15:46,464 --> 00:15:47,632 Sorry. Sorry. 360 00:15:47,715 --> 00:15:49,885 That was clearly a Jeffrey prank. 361 00:15:49,968 --> 00:15:51,428 He was fired last month. 362 00:15:51,511 --> 00:15:53,972 But actually, everything before the cock thing was correct. 363 00:15:54,055 --> 00:15:56,725 So, look, just be nice to the customers 364 00:15:56,808 --> 00:15:58,560 and greet them with a smile. Can you do that? 365 00:15:58,643 --> 00:16:00,646 Oh, I love smiling. 366 00:16:00,729 --> 00:16:02,314 I'm always looking for new things 367 00:16:02,397 --> 00:16:05,192 - and people to smile at. - Jesus Christ. 368 00:16:05,275 --> 00:16:08,153 Matty, let's see your best customer smile. 369 00:16:10,905 --> 00:16:12,532 Isn't this exciting? 370 00:16:12,615 --> 00:16:17,079 You and me, side by side, bringing donuts to the people. 371 00:16:17,162 --> 00:16:19,331 You should know, there's a guy with a hole in his cheek. 372 00:16:19,414 --> 00:16:21,917 Comes in every morning. Just puts the donut right in. 373 00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:23,168 It's horrible to watch. 374 00:16:23,251 --> 00:16:26,254 Oh, my. 375 00:16:43,438 --> 00:16:45,023 And here we'll do the big kissies. 376 00:16:45,106 --> 00:16:46,858 But let's wait until the actual show. 377 00:16:46,941 --> 00:16:48,276 We don't want to waste the chemistry. 378 00:16:48,359 --> 00:16:49,528 Guard number one, what are you doing? 379 00:16:49,611 --> 00:16:50,570 You're too far downstage. 380 00:16:50,653 --> 00:16:52,948 Oh. Uh, right. 381 00:16:53,031 --> 00:16:56,118 Um, Guenevere is married to King Arthur, 382 00:16:56,201 --> 00:16:57,703 so I figure as Guard number one, 383 00:16:57,786 --> 00:16:59,538 I'm probably not too happy about Lancelot hitting on her. 384 00:16:59,621 --> 00:17:01,540 So I'm up here getting ready to… 385 00:17:01,623 --> 00:17:03,709 …you know, defend the state or whatever. 386 00:17:03,792 --> 00:17:05,544 Yeah. No. Step back onto your mark. 387 00:17:05,627 --> 00:17:07,379 Wait. Actually, I like that. What he said. 388 00:17:07,462 --> 00:17:09,297 At least somebody's treating me like royalty. 389 00:17:09,380 --> 00:17:11,258 Honey, you think you're all that, 390 00:17:11,341 --> 00:17:12,300 but you're just crap. 391 00:17:12,383 --> 00:17:14,136 Hey, that's our fucking queen, pal. 392 00:17:14,219 --> 00:17:16,763 Listen, I gotta rehearse some swordplay with Arthur. 393 00:17:16,846 --> 00:17:19,599 Okay, go. We'll move on to the Mordred scene. 394 00:17:22,477 --> 00:17:23,729 You know, you're the only one in this play 395 00:17:23,812 --> 00:17:25,439 who's actually giving me anything to work with. 396 00:17:25,522 --> 00:17:26,440 Really? 397 00:17:26,523 --> 00:17:27,983 Yeah, it's funny. 398 00:17:28,066 --> 00:17:29,443 Whenever I want to get into character, 399 00:17:29,526 --> 00:17:30,652 I just look at you, 400 00:17:30,735 --> 00:17:32,321 because you're staring at me all wide eyed. 401 00:17:32,404 --> 00:17:35,907 Oh. Uh, sorry if I'm being creepy. 402 00:17:35,990 --> 00:17:37,576 Believe it or not, it's helping. 403 00:17:37,659 --> 00:17:39,578 Makes me feel like an actual queen. 404 00:17:39,661 --> 00:17:41,913 Well, that, uh, that makes sense, then, 405 00:17:41,996 --> 00:17:44,416 because you are kind of like the queen of the school. 406 00:17:44,499 --> 00:17:47,294 Do you want to run lines with me after rehearsal? 407 00:17:47,377 --> 00:17:49,338 I have a few scenes I'm shaky on, 408 00:17:49,421 --> 00:17:51,423 and Nathan's always trying on wigs. 409 00:17:51,506 --> 00:17:52,924 Yeah. 410 00:17:53,007 --> 00:17:54,593 Yeah, definitely. For sure. 411 00:17:54,676 --> 00:17:55,635 Cool. 412 00:17:55,718 --> 00:17:57,554 I live to serve, milady. 413 00:18:05,019 --> 00:18:06,772 So Lancelot and Arthur are fucking. 414 00:18:06,855 --> 00:18:08,815 I saw 'em wiping their dicks on the velvet curtain. 415 00:18:08,898 --> 00:18:10,483 You want to go get burgers? 416 00:18:17,198 --> 00:18:18,617 Okay. Everybody, gather around. 417 00:18:18,700 --> 00:18:19,993 I've got huge news. 418 00:18:20,076 --> 00:18:21,870 Are the pumpkin munchkins coming back? 419 00:18:21,953 --> 00:18:23,455 No, those were a complete disaster 420 00:18:23,538 --> 00:18:24,873 and they got a lot of people fired. 421 00:18:24,956 --> 00:18:26,875 What is happening is President Clinton 422 00:18:26,958 --> 00:18:28,877 is visiting Framingham next week… 423 00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:30,337 …and he'll be stopping by 424 00:18:30,420 --> 00:18:31,713 - this store. - What? 425 00:18:31,796 --> 00:18:33,048 The news is gonna be here, too. 426 00:18:33,131 --> 00:18:35,717 So, uh, Jurgis, if you could look American, 427 00:18:35,800 --> 00:18:36,800 that'd be great, buddy. 428 00:18:40,764 --> 00:18:42,683 Holy shit. 429 00:18:42,766 --> 00:18:44,851 This… This is gonna be the best fucking day of my life. 430 00:18:44,934 --> 00:18:46,728 I thought you hated the President. 431 00:18:46,811 --> 00:18:47,813 Don't you see, Susan? 432 00:18:47,896 --> 00:18:49,314 This… This is gonna be my chance 433 00:18:49,397 --> 00:18:51,233 to rip that fucking shithead a new asshole 434 00:18:51,316 --> 00:18:52,985 with the whole world watching. 435 00:18:53,068 --> 00:18:55,654 Remember when that happened to me when I had John? 436 00:18:55,737 --> 00:18:58,490 This is a great fucking day for America! 437 00:18:58,573 --> 00:19:00,325 At least I got to ride in a helicopter. 438 00:19:00,408 --> 00:19:02,160 All right, pal. What'll it be? 439 00:19:02,243 --> 00:19:04,162 Can I get a powdered donut and a tea? 440 00:19:04,245 --> 00:19:06,623 I'm not making tea for a guy. 441 00:19:10,126 --> 00:19:12,546 Come away with me, Guenevere. 442 00:19:12,629 --> 00:19:14,214 Surely you know I can't. 443 00:19:14,297 --> 00:19:17,551 And because you can't, you shan't? 444 00:19:17,634 --> 00:19:20,679 I have taken an oath before God to be with Arthur. 445 00:19:20,762 --> 00:19:24,516 Then shan't I ne'er you e'er? 446 00:19:24,599 --> 00:19:29,855 No. Farewell forever, my fair… 447 00:19:29,938 --> 00:19:32,399 my fair Lancelot. 448 00:19:32,482 --> 00:19:35,360 - Wow! That was so good. - Really? 449 00:19:35,443 --> 00:19:36,862 Oh, my God. You guys were… That was great. 450 00:19:36,945 --> 00:19:38,947 That was like a Folgers commercial. 451 00:19:39,030 --> 00:19:40,574 Cool. 452 00:19:40,657 --> 00:19:43,201 So are you excited about the show? 453 00:19:43,284 --> 00:19:44,411 It's only a week away. 454 00:19:44,494 --> 00:19:45,746 Well, yeah, I guess, 455 00:19:45,829 --> 00:19:47,456 but you're the one with the big starring role. 456 00:19:47,539 --> 00:19:49,374 Yeah, me and Johnny just got to stand there. 457 00:19:49,457 --> 00:19:52,794 Our whole job is to just not poop for those two hours. 458 00:19:53,837 --> 00:19:55,255 But, uh, what about you? 459 00:19:55,338 --> 00:19:57,382 I mean, I never pegged you as a theater girl. 460 00:19:57,465 --> 00:19:58,884 What with being a cheerleader and all. 461 00:19:58,967 --> 00:20:02,596 Secret's out. I really want to be an actress. 462 00:20:02,679 --> 00:20:05,557 In fact, my dad is paying a video guy five hundred bucks 463 00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:07,559 to tape the show for my Emerson application. 464 00:20:07,642 --> 00:20:09,144 No pressure, right? 465 00:20:09,227 --> 00:20:11,772 Wow. That… That actually sounds like a lot of pressure. 466 00:20:11,855 --> 00:20:14,608 I hope you don't blow it all with one small mistake. 467 00:20:14,691 --> 00:20:16,568 Well, hey, if you need to be reminded 468 00:20:16,651 --> 00:20:17,903 that you're a queen up there, 469 00:20:17,986 --> 00:20:20,113 you just look at me. I got you. 470 00:20:20,196 --> 00:20:21,782 Thanks, John. 471 00:20:21,865 --> 00:20:23,659 John, I need to measure you for your armor. 472 00:20:23,742 --> 00:20:25,744 Oh. Yeah, all right. 473 00:20:25,827 --> 00:20:27,412 Hey, um, 474 00:20:27,495 --> 00:20:29,330 do you want to hang out after the show? 475 00:20:30,665 --> 00:20:32,918 We could celebrate or drown our sorrows, 476 00:20:33,001 --> 00:20:34,252 depending on the reviews. 477 00:20:34,335 --> 00:20:36,922 I… I… I think I might be free. 478 00:20:37,005 --> 00:20:38,840 He has no plans ever. He'll do it. 479 00:20:39,591 --> 00:20:41,092 Great. See you then. 480 00:20:44,095 --> 00:20:45,847 Holy shit. John, you just got a date 481 00:20:45,930 --> 00:20:47,516 with the hottest girl in school. 482 00:20:47,599 --> 00:20:48,934 Yeah, I guess I did. 483 00:20:49,017 --> 00:20:52,187 The humiliation of being a nobody is finally over. 484 00:20:52,270 --> 00:20:56,191 Hey, I need the smallest codpiece we have for John. 485 00:20:56,274 --> 00:20:57,609 wardrobe assistant: What about the extra, extra, 486 00:20:57,692 --> 00:20:58,944 extra small ones? 487 00:20:59,027 --> 00:21:01,446 No, those are still too big. 488 00:21:01,529 --> 00:21:03,991 Call the company and see if they can specially make 489 00:21:04,074 --> 00:21:07,661 a smaller codpiece than they've ever made before. For John. 490 00:21:07,744 --> 00:21:08,870 It's all right. No one even knows 491 00:21:08,953 --> 00:21:10,122 which John he's talking about. 492 00:21:10,205 --> 00:21:13,542 For John Bennett of 48, Clifford Lane, 493 00:21:13,625 --> 00:21:16,461 who has an extremely small crotch measurement. 494 00:21:18,713 --> 00:21:20,548 I hate the crew. 495 00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:34,813 Matty, is everything okay? 496 00:21:34,896 --> 00:21:35,981 Yeah, why? 497 00:21:36,064 --> 00:21:37,733 Because you're not screaming. 498 00:21:37,816 --> 00:21:41,028 That's 'cause today is the day I finally stick it up the ass 499 00:21:41,111 --> 00:21:42,654 of your President, Slick Willie. 500 00:21:42,737 --> 00:21:45,532 You're… You're… You're gonna do anal to Bill Clinton? 501 00:21:45,615 --> 00:21:47,326 You're goddamn right I am. 502 00:21:47,409 --> 00:21:50,662 And I'm gonna say, "Hey, thanks for creating so many new jobs, 503 00:21:50,745 --> 00:21:52,539 - because now I got two of 'em." - Cool. 504 00:21:52,622 --> 00:21:54,708 I saw the political cartoon you stole that from. 505 00:21:54,791 --> 00:21:56,335 Then… Then I'm gonna tell him… I'm gonna say, 506 00:21:56,418 --> 00:21:58,670 "See you on the unemployment line, asshole. 507 00:21:58,753 --> 00:22:00,422 Because now that we got NAFTA, 508 00:22:00,505 --> 00:22:03,342 we can hire a Mexican President for 60% off." 509 00:22:03,425 --> 00:22:05,344 Why would you be on the unemployment line? 510 00:22:05,427 --> 00:22:06,887 You just said you have two jobs. 511 00:22:06,970 --> 00:22:08,013 That's only for the first joke. 512 00:22:08,096 --> 00:22:09,264 And then when he's walking off 513 00:22:09,347 --> 00:22:10,682 with his tail between his legs, 514 00:22:10,765 --> 00:22:12,017 I'm gonna go… I'm gonna go, 515 00:22:12,100 --> 00:22:13,518 "Hey, what am I, the draft? 516 00:22:13,601 --> 00:22:15,019 'Cause you're dodging me." 517 00:22:16,146 --> 00:22:17,439 What about you, Aunt Suse? 518 00:22:17,522 --> 00:22:18,857 Are you excited to meet the President? 519 00:22:18,940 --> 00:22:20,400 I'm more excited about 520 00:22:20,483 --> 00:22:23,695 my baby's first big show this Friday. 521 00:22:23,778 --> 00:22:26,031 It's not that big a deal, Ma. We don't have any lines. 522 00:22:26,114 --> 00:22:27,949 I don't think the audience is even gonna notice us. 523 00:22:28,032 --> 00:22:30,869 Still, you're so brave to get up there with all those eyes 524 00:22:30,952 --> 00:22:33,372 - staring at you. - What do you mean? 525 00:22:33,455 --> 00:22:35,457 Well, if I had five hundred people watching me, 526 00:22:35,540 --> 00:22:37,959 I'd be terrified. 527 00:22:38,042 --> 00:22:41,046 I don't know how the cast of Nunsense does it every night. 528 00:22:41,129 --> 00:22:43,590 - Five hundred? - Oh, at least. 529 00:22:43,673 --> 00:22:44,716 All at the same time. 530 00:22:44,799 --> 00:22:46,718 Oh, honey, the whole town's coming. 531 00:22:46,801 --> 00:22:48,637 I've told everybody. 532 00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:50,972 My baby, the Broadway star. 533 00:22:53,057 --> 00:22:56,228 Oh, Matty, maybe I'll get my tap shoes out tonight. 534 00:22:56,311 --> 00:22:57,937 I threw 'em away. 535 00:23:05,653 --> 00:23:06,655 Remember to say, 536 00:23:06,738 --> 00:23:08,490 "Dunkin' Donuts just off the Mass Pike." 537 00:23:08,573 --> 00:23:09,950 Don't you worry. 538 00:23:10,033 --> 00:23:11,910 I know exactly what I'm gonna say. 539 00:23:13,328 --> 00:23:15,455 POTUS is on the move. 540 00:23:15,538 --> 00:23:17,499 Please only let the President have one donut. 541 00:23:19,501 --> 00:23:21,128 Matty, isn't this exciting? 542 00:23:21,211 --> 00:23:23,338 Oh my gosh. Here he comes. 543 00:23:23,421 --> 00:23:25,424 Well, hi there. 544 00:23:25,507 --> 00:23:27,801 Thanks for letting me visit with you this afternoon. 545 00:23:27,884 --> 00:23:30,345 Welcome to Dunkin' Donuts, Mr. President. 546 00:23:30,428 --> 00:23:32,305 Well, you must be Miss Massachusetts. 547 00:23:32,388 --> 00:23:35,100 Oh, dear. 548 00:23:35,183 --> 00:23:38,687 Oh. Mm. Uh, I have to pee. 549 00:23:38,770 --> 00:23:41,273 Well, gosh, what should I order? 550 00:23:41,356 --> 00:23:43,108 Let's see. Everything looks good. 551 00:23:43,191 --> 00:23:45,360 - Any recommendations? - Yeah. 552 00:23:46,194 --> 00:23:49,781 I recommend you… you do a… you do a better job. 553 00:23:49,864 --> 00:23:51,616 - Pardon? - You… 554 00:23:51,699 --> 00:23:53,952 You you're not doing a very good job. 555 00:23:54,035 --> 00:23:56,288 And… And… And, yeah. 556 00:23:56,371 --> 00:23:58,206 Well, I'm sorry you feel that way. 557 00:23:58,289 --> 00:23:59,958 I'd love to know your thoughts. 558 00:24:00,041 --> 00:24:02,461 Well, the… 559 00:24:02,544 --> 00:24:05,464 Your economy is bad. 560 00:24:05,547 --> 00:24:07,382 Well, I feel your pain, 561 00:24:07,465 --> 00:24:09,676 and I want to hear your grievances. 562 00:24:09,759 --> 00:24:11,803 Listen, would you folks mind giving us a few minutes to talk? 563 00:24:11,886 --> 00:24:13,305 I think he's a little nervous. 564 00:24:13,388 --> 00:24:15,974 Of course, sir. We'll be right outside. 565 00:24:16,057 --> 00:24:18,477 Now, tell me what you're feeling. 566 00:24:18,560 --> 00:24:21,229 I think you stink. 567 00:24:21,312 --> 00:24:23,482 And… And you're… And you're doing a garbage job. 568 00:24:23,565 --> 00:24:25,734 - Really? - Yeah. 569 00:24:25,817 --> 00:24:27,986 Well, listen here, you pockmarked piece of shit. 570 00:24:28,069 --> 00:24:29,571 You got some set of fucking balls. 571 00:24:29,654 --> 00:24:31,073 I take time out of my day 572 00:24:31,156 --> 00:24:33,325 to visit your little shit shop and you're giving me lip? 573 00:24:33,408 --> 00:24:35,702 Maybe the real problem is you're just a fucking loser. 574 00:24:35,785 --> 00:24:36,662 - But… - Fuck you. 575 00:24:36,745 --> 00:24:38,205 Think you're so fucking tough 576 00:24:38,288 --> 00:24:39,498 with your fucking shitbag mouth. 577 00:24:39,581 --> 00:24:41,083 Why don't you take a swing at me, tough guy? 578 00:24:41,166 --> 00:24:42,668 I'll slap you back so hard 579 00:24:42,751 --> 00:24:44,378 you won't even recognize your own fucking dick. 580 00:24:44,461 --> 00:24:46,088 - Um… - And get a shave, you pig. 581 00:24:46,171 --> 00:24:47,464 The fucking President's here. 582 00:24:47,547 --> 00:24:49,257 Now listen, throw some fucking Munchkins in a bag, 583 00:24:49,340 --> 00:24:50,759 give me a cup of coffee and shake my hand 584 00:24:50,842 --> 00:24:52,260 and smile to the window 585 00:24:52,343 --> 00:24:54,095 so people know we're having a good fucking time. 586 00:24:54,929 --> 00:24:55,929 Go! 587 00:25:03,313 --> 00:25:06,316 That's right. Keep smiling, you fucking dog's vagina. 588 00:25:07,150 --> 00:25:08,610 All right, they got it. 589 00:25:12,280 --> 00:25:13,948 Coffee's cold, asshole. 590 00:25:20,163 --> 00:25:22,958 I meet President, but still not Courteney Cox? 591 00:25:23,041 --> 00:25:24,584 What fuck? 592 00:25:28,171 --> 00:25:29,548 Fuck, fuck, fuck. 593 00:25:29,631 --> 00:25:31,925 Dude, the play is in two hours. I can't do this. 594 00:25:32,008 --> 00:25:33,802 Yes you can. It's gonna go great. 595 00:25:33,885 --> 00:25:35,887 Why did mom have to get into my fucking head? 596 00:25:35,970 --> 00:25:38,056 Hundreds of people watching. I can't go up there. 597 00:25:38,139 --> 00:25:39,933 - I'm gonna panic. - Well, we can always bail. 598 00:25:40,016 --> 00:25:42,728 Yes. No. No, dude. We can't bail. 599 00:25:42,811 --> 00:25:44,313 Erin is never gonna go out with me, 600 00:25:44,396 --> 00:25:46,064 and she's gonna hate me for the rest of my life. 601 00:25:46,147 --> 00:25:47,399 I mean, you heard her. They're taping the show 602 00:25:47,482 --> 00:25:49,150 for her college application. 603 00:25:49,818 --> 00:25:51,653 I got an idea. 604 00:26:00,870 --> 00:26:02,748 - Blaire. - Whoa, dude. 605 00:26:02,831 --> 00:26:05,083 - Ever heard of knocking? - Blair, we need your help. 606 00:26:05,166 --> 00:26:07,419 Aren't you guys supposed to be getting ready for your play? 607 00:26:07,502 --> 00:26:09,129 Yeah, well, Johnny's having some trouble. 608 00:26:09,212 --> 00:26:10,756 He needs a little, uh, something. 609 00:26:10,839 --> 00:26:12,257 You… You got anything mellow? 610 00:26:12,340 --> 00:26:15,260 I thought we already established I'm not your dealer. 611 00:26:15,343 --> 00:26:17,137 Come on, Blair. Me and Johnny are smoked out. 612 00:26:17,220 --> 00:26:18,430 The cupboard is bare. 613 00:26:18,513 --> 00:26:19,681 Blair, please. I can't do it. 614 00:26:19,764 --> 00:26:21,183 I can't go out on that stage, all right? 615 00:26:21,266 --> 00:26:22,476 I am too scared. 616 00:26:22,559 --> 00:26:24,352 Please, I'm begging you. 617 00:26:25,061 --> 00:26:29,650 Okay. You're in luck. Paige made these brownies. 618 00:26:29,733 --> 00:26:31,777 - Super mellow. - An edible? 619 00:26:31,860 --> 00:26:34,279 Yeah, I took one, like, 30 minutes ago, 620 00:26:34,362 --> 00:26:36,490 and I just feel super chill and focused. 621 00:26:36,573 --> 00:26:37,824 Take one right before you go on stage 622 00:26:37,907 --> 00:26:39,159 and you'll float through the play. 623 00:26:39,242 --> 00:26:40,327 Thank you, Blair. 624 00:26:40,410 --> 00:26:41,828 It's easy to lose sight of, 625 00:26:41,911 --> 00:26:43,664 but drugs are always the solution. 626 00:26:43,747 --> 00:26:45,457 So, we'll see you at the play? 627 00:26:45,540 --> 00:26:46,624 Absolutely not. 628 00:26:51,921 --> 00:26:54,132 All right, you ready? Here we go. 629 00:26:54,215 --> 00:26:55,384 Yeah, we're eating a brownie, 630 00:26:55,467 --> 00:26:57,427 not going to the fucking moon. Calm down. 631 00:27:01,806 --> 00:27:02,891 Hey, John. 632 00:27:03,433 --> 00:27:04,433 Erin. 633 00:27:05,268 --> 00:27:07,354 Wow. You look amazing. 634 00:27:07,437 --> 00:27:09,231 Thanks. You, too. 635 00:27:09,314 --> 00:27:11,733 I'll see you out there. Remember, you're my rock. 636 00:27:19,491 --> 00:27:21,243 Huh, big audience. 637 00:27:21,326 --> 00:27:23,495 Yeah, who cares? By the time we get out there, 638 00:27:23,578 --> 00:27:24,997 we're gonna be chill as fuck. 639 00:27:25,080 --> 00:27:26,915 John, you have a phone call. 640 00:27:28,166 --> 00:27:29,334 Hello? 641 00:27:29,417 --> 00:27:31,670 Guys, do not eat those brownies! 642 00:27:31,753 --> 00:27:33,755 - What? - They're laced with shrooms 643 00:27:33,838 --> 00:27:36,008 or some shit. I'm in fucking hell right now. 644 00:27:36,091 --> 00:27:37,342 - What's wrong? - She says not to eat 645 00:27:37,425 --> 00:27:38,593 - the brownies. - What? 646 00:27:38,676 --> 00:27:39,594 We already did. 647 00:27:39,677 --> 00:27:42,514 No! God. Oh, God. No! 648 00:27:42,597 --> 00:27:43,849 Oh, God, what's happening to you? 649 00:27:43,932 --> 00:27:46,518 I have to kill myself as a 500-year-old woman. 650 00:27:46,601 --> 00:27:48,353 Fuck! I can't talk. 651 00:27:48,436 --> 00:27:50,063 When I'm 500, I have to die. 652 00:27:50,146 --> 00:27:52,357 She's freaking out! What do we do? 653 00:27:52,440 --> 00:27:54,568 - Oh, shit! - What the fuck do we do? 654 00:27:54,651 --> 00:27:55,819 We gotta throw up. 655 00:27:57,529 --> 00:28:00,198 I don't know how girls do this all the time. It's impossible. 656 00:28:00,281 --> 00:28:03,201 I have no gag reflex. Please don't let that get out. 657 00:28:07,956 --> 00:28:09,541 Hey, Matty, I saw you on the news. 658 00:28:11,042 --> 00:28:12,919 - Yeah? - I gotta ask you. 659 00:28:13,002 --> 00:28:14,379 What did you say to the President? 660 00:28:14,462 --> 00:28:16,715 I… I… 661 00:28:16,798 --> 00:28:18,633 I called him a lying piece of shit, 662 00:28:18,716 --> 00:28:20,719 and… and he almost cried. 663 00:28:20,802 --> 00:28:23,764 Yeah. And then… And then I… I threw a coffee at him. 664 00:28:23,847 --> 00:28:25,724 - Really? - Yeah. 665 00:28:25,807 --> 00:28:27,976 I… I won. 666 00:28:28,059 --> 00:28:29,311 I like that Dunkin' Donuts. 667 00:28:29,394 --> 00:28:30,937 I saw Courteney Cox there once. 668 00:28:31,020 --> 00:28:34,441 Oh! You need to be joking me! 669 00:28:34,524 --> 00:28:36,109 Fuck, Teddy. We got ticking time bombs 670 00:28:36,192 --> 00:28:37,235 in our stomachs. 671 00:28:37,318 --> 00:28:38,820 Okay, let's just calm down here. 672 00:28:38,903 --> 00:28:40,071 How do you feel now? 673 00:28:40,905 --> 00:28:42,824 Right now, I actually feel fine. 674 00:28:42,907 --> 00:28:46,078 Me, too. Maybe… Maybe Blair just can't handle her pot. 675 00:28:46,161 --> 00:28:48,497 Yeah. Oh, God, yeah. That's what it is. 676 00:28:48,580 --> 00:28:50,248 She's a lightweight. Not like us. 677 00:28:50,331 --> 00:28:51,750 We're fucking pot experts. 678 00:28:51,833 --> 00:28:53,460 Yeah, maybe it won't hit us as hard. 679 00:28:53,543 --> 00:28:55,545 Guards, thirty seconds. You're on. 680 00:28:59,174 --> 00:29:01,093 Oh, fuck. 681 00:29:01,176 --> 00:29:02,761 Dear Guenevere, 682 00:29:02,844 --> 00:29:05,263 your beauty is intoxicating. 683 00:29:05,346 --> 00:29:08,100 You mustn't say such things within the castle walls. 684 00:29:08,183 --> 00:29:10,018 I cannot withhold my feelings. 685 00:29:10,101 --> 00:29:12,187 I believe I'm falling in love with you. 686 00:29:12,270 --> 00:29:14,815 My darling Lancelot, lower your voice. 687 00:29:14,898 --> 00:29:16,858 The guards will hear you! 688 00:29:19,277 --> 00:29:22,489 I say, the guards will hear you! 689 00:29:31,414 --> 00:29:33,625 Everyone's staring at us. 690 00:29:33,708 --> 00:29:35,460 So many eyes. 691 00:29:37,462 --> 00:29:39,965 I don't know who's in the play anymore. 692 00:29:40,048 --> 00:29:43,135 I think the people not sitting in chairs are in the play. 693 00:29:43,218 --> 00:29:45,971 They're gonna know, Teddy. Everyone's watching us. 694 00:29:46,054 --> 00:29:47,639 They're all gonna know we're on drugs. 695 00:29:47,722 --> 00:29:50,517 No they're not. Nobody's gonna know we're on drugs. 696 00:29:50,600 --> 00:29:53,020 Oh, I'm sure they will. They're gonna know we're on drugs. 697 00:29:53,103 --> 00:29:54,813 No, not if we keep our voices down 698 00:29:54,896 --> 00:29:56,815 and whisper like we're doing right now. 699 00:29:56,898 --> 00:30:00,151 What an interesting plot twist. 700 00:30:00,902 --> 00:30:03,655 Lancelot, it… it is impolitic 701 00:30:03,738 --> 00:30:05,699 for us to carry on in this fashion. 702 00:30:05,782 --> 00:30:08,160 - Line? - You don't have any lines. 703 00:30:08,243 --> 00:30:09,411 Okay, then I'll improvise. 704 00:30:09,494 --> 00:30:13,123 ALF, you can't eat the cat. It's Christmas. 705 00:30:15,667 --> 00:30:18,003 Jesus fucking Christ, are you pissing? 706 00:30:18,086 --> 00:30:21,173 It's too much pressure! I don't want to grow up! 707 00:30:21,256 --> 00:30:23,342 He's just a boy, everyone! 708 00:30:23,425 --> 00:30:24,926 What the fuck are you doing? 709 00:30:25,009 --> 00:30:28,096 Hey, there is a demon in my butthole, okay? 710 00:30:30,140 --> 00:30:31,391 Line? 711 00:30:36,479 --> 00:30:38,565 I mean, it could have been worse. 712 00:30:38,648 --> 00:30:40,316 We didn't die. 713 00:30:43,445 --> 00:30:44,863 - Erin. - Fuck you, John. 714 00:30:44,946 --> 00:30:46,448 Erin, wait. Please. I'm so sorry. 715 00:30:46,531 --> 00:30:48,200 Me and Teddy, we got fed some bad brownies, 716 00:30:48,283 --> 00:30:49,701 and I fucking… I messed up, okay? 717 00:30:50,618 --> 00:30:52,120 But what we felt in those rehearsals, 718 00:30:52,203 --> 00:30:53,538 that was real, wasn't it? 719 00:30:54,539 --> 00:30:55,707 I mean, it was for me. 720 00:30:55,790 --> 00:30:57,084 Are you fucking insane? 721 00:30:57,167 --> 00:30:59,419 You just completely and massively fucked me over! 722 00:30:59,502 --> 00:31:02,422 Maybe we could talk about it down at Friendly's? 723 00:31:04,132 --> 00:31:07,177 I would literally rather have prison sex with Jeffrey Dahmer. 724 00:31:08,136 --> 00:31:09,221 Goodbye, John. 725 00:31:09,304 --> 00:31:10,555 And fuck you, Ted. 726 00:31:16,644 --> 00:31:18,981 You know, there's, like, a 10% chance 727 00:31:19,064 --> 00:31:20,315 we're still on stage. 728 00:31:23,985 --> 00:31:26,613 Activities. 729 00:31:26,696 --> 00:31:29,324 Did play. 730 00:31:29,407 --> 00:31:30,992 Nice.