1 00:00:31,610 --> 00:00:34,446 God, Matty, you are defending a completely barbaric 2 00:00:34,529 --> 00:00:35,739 and outdated practice. 3 00:00:35,822 --> 00:00:37,783 Fuck you. The death penalty fuckin' works. 4 00:00:37,866 --> 00:00:41,036 You cannot have an absolute, irreversible form of punishment 5 00:00:41,119 --> 00:00:43,205 with a legal system that is anything less than perfect. 6 00:00:43,288 --> 00:00:46,083 Big deal! So one idiot gets caught in the gears. 7 00:00:46,166 --> 00:00:47,376 Justice is blind. 8 00:00:47,459 --> 00:00:48,961 You don't think Stevie Wonder puts the mail 9 00:00:49,044 --> 00:00:50,462 in the toaster once in a while? 10 00:00:50,545 --> 00:00:51,880 Plus it's unequal. 11 00:00:51,963 --> 00:00:53,382 Especially if he's Black or an immigrant. 12 00:00:53,465 --> 00:00:55,926 That's bullshit! You come to the United States of America, 13 00:00:56,009 --> 00:00:58,470 you get the same chance as anybody to get the chair. 14 00:00:58,553 --> 00:01:00,222 Okay, what if you were on death row 15 00:01:00,305 --> 00:01:01,390 for a crime you didn't commit? 16 00:01:01,473 --> 00:01:02,975 Oh, like that'd fuckin' happen. 17 00:01:03,058 --> 00:01:05,102 - What if it did? - Nobody gets the death penalty 18 00:01:05,185 --> 00:01:06,228 for shit they didn't do. 19 00:01:06,311 --> 00:01:08,730 - Oh, what about The Fugitive? - What? 20 00:01:08,813 --> 00:01:10,774 Harrison Ford got convicted in that movie, 21 00:01:10,857 --> 00:01:12,151 and he was innocent. 22 00:01:12,234 --> 00:01:13,944 He must have did something in another movie. 23 00:01:14,027 --> 00:01:15,571 Oh, he shot Greedo in the cantina. 24 00:01:15,654 --> 00:01:18,157 There you go. He shot an Italian in a nightclub. 25 00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:19,783 That's called natural causes. 26 00:01:19,866 --> 00:01:21,118 - Jesus Christ. - You know what? 27 00:01:21,201 --> 00:01:23,412 You break the law, you pay the fuckin' price! 28 00:01:23,495 --> 00:01:26,206 Okay. And what if new DNA evidence is uncovered after… 29 00:01:28,875 --> 00:01:30,335 What the fuck? 30 00:01:30,418 --> 00:01:33,589 Oh, my God. Blaire, are you all right? 31 00:01:33,672 --> 00:01:36,967 This is a brand-new Hanes. I just opened the pack! 32 00:01:37,050 --> 00:01:39,511 Oh. "Wait till we get our Hanes on you." 33 00:01:39,594 --> 00:01:41,972 It's like hands. I just got that. 34 00:01:48,395 --> 00:01:49,395 Blaire? 35 00:01:53,191 --> 00:01:54,191 Honey? 36 00:01:56,695 --> 00:01:59,364 You all right? Blaire? 37 00:02:07,539 --> 00:02:08,957 Oh, oh, my God. 38 00:02:10,417 --> 00:02:11,960 Is that what I think it is? 39 00:02:12,043 --> 00:02:13,962 It has to be a false positive. 40 00:02:14,045 --> 00:02:15,046 Blaire. 41 00:02:16,256 --> 00:02:17,466 You're pregnant? 42 00:02:17,549 --> 00:02:20,177 That's… what it says. 43 00:02:20,260 --> 00:02:21,260 Wait. 44 00:02:22,095 --> 00:02:24,181 This must mean you're dating men again. 45 00:02:24,264 --> 00:02:26,892 Well, I did tell you I'm fluid. 46 00:02:26,975 --> 00:02:30,020 Oh, I am so happy you're going out with men. 47 00:02:30,103 --> 00:02:32,648 Now we can be in heaven together. 48 00:02:32,731 --> 00:02:34,566 I can brush your wings. 49 00:02:34,649 --> 00:02:37,027 Oh, we'll get to meet all the old stars. 50 00:02:37,110 --> 00:02:39,363 You are gonna love Desi Arnaz. 51 00:02:39,446 --> 00:02:40,656 This has to be a mistake. 52 00:02:40,739 --> 00:02:42,699 Oh, no. I'm pretty sure he's up there. 53 00:02:42,782 --> 00:02:44,159 And Lucy too. 54 00:02:44,242 --> 00:02:46,829 And in heaven, the conveyor belt moves 55 00:02:46,912 --> 00:02:48,580 at just the right speed 56 00:02:48,663 --> 00:02:50,874 so she can wrap all the chocolates. 57 00:02:50,957 --> 00:02:53,919 Oh, I can't believe this is happening right now. 58 00:02:54,002 --> 00:02:56,421 I only slept with one guy one time. 59 00:02:56,504 --> 00:02:59,049 You know, when I saw that episode for the first time, 60 00:02:59,132 --> 00:03:02,135 I was so sad for Lucy, I cried. 61 00:03:08,516 --> 00:03:12,520 Remember to sleep on your side so you don't crush the baby. 62 00:03:13,188 --> 00:03:14,857 Oh. 63 00:03:14,940 --> 00:03:17,317 I feel like I'm living in a soap opera. 64 00:03:22,364 --> 00:03:24,950 Man, they'll make a cereal out of any hit movie. 65 00:03:25,533 --> 00:03:27,870 "Turns your milk red with adventure." 66 00:03:27,953 --> 00:03:29,413 Yeah, I really want my breakfast to feel like 67 00:03:29,496 --> 00:03:31,540 I'm losing a bloody underwater conflict 68 00:03:31,623 --> 00:03:33,500 with a rival nuclear superpower. 69 00:03:34,167 --> 00:03:35,167 What the hell is this? 70 00:03:35,961 --> 00:03:38,046 Are they out of ham and eggs at the store or something? 71 00:03:38,129 --> 00:03:39,882 I didn't wanna cook anything fragrant, 72 00:03:39,965 --> 00:03:42,718 since Blaire's… a little sensitive 73 00:03:42,801 --> 00:03:44,052 to smells right now. 74 00:03:44,803 --> 00:03:47,180 - What? - Not permanently. 75 00:03:47,722 --> 00:03:49,766 - Just for a little while. - Aunt Suse. 76 00:03:49,849 --> 00:03:51,435 What the fuck are you talking about? 77 00:03:51,518 --> 00:03:53,312 Well, it's not my news to share, 78 00:03:53,395 --> 00:03:54,980 but I think Blaire has something 79 00:03:55,063 --> 00:03:56,940 she wants to tell the family. 80 00:03:59,359 --> 00:04:02,070 Oh. Jesus Christ. Okay, fine. 81 00:04:02,988 --> 00:04:03,739 I'm pregnant. 82 00:04:03,822 --> 00:04:05,115 Holy shit! 83 00:04:05,198 --> 00:04:07,576 How can you be pregnant? You're not married. 84 00:04:07,659 --> 00:04:08,994 Wait, you're dating guys again? 85 00:04:09,077 --> 00:04:10,537 It was a one-night stand. 86 00:04:10,620 --> 00:04:12,998 I had to blow off some steam after things ended with Sarah. 87 00:04:13,081 --> 00:04:15,125 Yeah, I don't think that happens from blowing. 88 00:04:15,208 --> 00:04:16,293 Whoa, whoa, whoa, hang on. 89 00:04:16,376 --> 00:04:18,295 - You're actually pregnant? - Yes. 90 00:04:18,378 --> 00:04:20,297 - Who's the father? - Doesn't matter. 91 00:04:20,380 --> 00:04:21,924 How the hell could you get yourself pregnant? 92 00:04:22,007 --> 00:04:24,968 Was anyone in this family born intentionally? 93 00:04:25,051 --> 00:04:26,094 Just you. 94 00:04:26,177 --> 00:04:27,346 Oh, yeah. Right. 95 00:04:27,429 --> 00:04:29,306 I was made with wishes. 96 00:04:29,389 --> 00:04:31,767 - You were all made with jizz. - Fuck. 97 00:04:31,850 --> 00:04:33,268 - I'm more elegant. - Yeah. 98 00:04:33,351 --> 00:04:35,437 You know, he should have just wished on your back. 99 00:04:35,520 --> 00:04:36,605 I have to get to class. 100 00:04:38,231 --> 00:04:40,567 Ooh, what if she names it Ted? 101 00:04:44,404 --> 00:04:46,031 You know, I've been thinking. 102 00:04:46,114 --> 00:04:48,200 We've gotta make sure this baby's first word is "fuck." 103 00:04:48,283 --> 00:04:50,619 Oh, yeah. Every time Blaire's out of the room. 104 00:04:50,702 --> 00:04:51,787 "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck." 105 00:04:51,870 --> 00:04:53,122 Yeah, and we gotta make sure she stands 106 00:04:53,205 --> 00:04:54,164 near the microwave a lot 107 00:04:54,247 --> 00:04:55,624 so the baby comes out with powers. 108 00:04:56,416 --> 00:04:57,626 Holy shit. Johnny! 109 00:04:57,709 --> 00:04:58,709 Look. 110 00:05:00,545 --> 00:05:01,713 A vending machine. 111 00:05:01,796 --> 00:05:04,174 A vending machine at our school? 112 00:05:04,257 --> 00:05:06,343 It's… it's beautiful. 113 00:05:06,426 --> 00:05:08,637 Now that's the miracle of birth. 114 00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:11,056 Look, Johnny, it's a SKOR bar. 115 00:05:14,226 --> 00:05:15,394 Oh, crap. 116 00:05:15,477 --> 00:05:17,813 I need another quarter if I want a Snickers. 117 00:05:17,896 --> 00:05:18,896 Hey. 118 00:05:21,608 --> 00:05:23,109 Wow. Thanks. 119 00:05:25,111 --> 00:05:26,112 Jesus? 120 00:05:38,750 --> 00:05:41,503 Hey, thanks again for pickin' us up, Blaire. 121 00:05:41,586 --> 00:05:43,338 I can't believe you two actually paid to see 122 00:05:43,421 --> 00:05:44,422 While You Were Sleeping. 123 00:05:45,173 --> 00:05:46,925 Yeah, well, Bad Boys was sold out. 124 00:05:47,509 --> 00:05:49,219 Plus, we had already gotten super high. 125 00:05:49,302 --> 00:05:51,680 - It was good. - I know, I saw it. 126 00:05:51,763 --> 00:05:53,432 I like to pretend it's in the same universe 127 00:05:53,515 --> 00:05:54,683 as Sleepless in Seattle 128 00:05:54,766 --> 00:05:56,393 so Bill Pullman has a happy ending 129 00:05:56,476 --> 00:05:58,270 after Meg Ryan leaves him for Tom Hanks. 130 00:06:00,313 --> 00:06:01,565 Neat. 131 00:06:04,234 --> 00:06:06,528 There she is. The mother-to-be. 132 00:06:06,611 --> 00:06:08,321 Lovely! 133 00:06:09,322 --> 00:06:12,576 Um, Aunt Suse, what the hell is all this? 134 00:06:12,659 --> 00:06:14,536 It's your baby shower. 135 00:06:15,120 --> 00:06:17,790 When I thought about you being a single mother, 136 00:06:17,873 --> 00:06:19,416 it made me so sad. 137 00:06:19,499 --> 00:06:22,377 So I wanted to show you that you're not all alone. 138 00:06:22,460 --> 00:06:25,881 You got a whole community supporting you. 139 00:06:25,964 --> 00:06:29,259 Aunt Suse, I-I-I don't want a baby shower. 140 00:06:29,342 --> 00:06:33,096 Oh, but a baby shower is the most fun party there is. 141 00:06:33,179 --> 00:06:36,058 Look, I melted some candy into diapers 142 00:06:36,141 --> 00:06:37,392 so it looks like caca. 143 00:06:37,475 --> 00:06:40,813 That baby either needs way more or way less fiber. 144 00:06:40,896 --> 00:06:43,398 Look, Blaire, I got you these cute little baby clothes. 145 00:06:43,481 --> 00:06:46,235 Hey, these are kinda perfect. Hey, what do you think, Johnny? 146 00:06:46,318 --> 00:06:48,111 Should I be a fireman or a ball player? 147 00:06:48,194 --> 00:06:50,322 Fuck me. I'm glad I got high. 148 00:06:50,405 --> 00:06:51,907 - This is awesome. - Oh, Jesus. 149 00:06:51,990 --> 00:06:54,493 Johnny, stop that before one of us develops a fetish 150 00:06:54,576 --> 00:06:55,702 we can't come back from. 151 00:06:55,785 --> 00:06:58,330 Since we don't know if it's a boy or a girl, 152 00:06:58,413 --> 00:07:00,332 - I made you a purple cake. - Aunt Suse. 153 00:07:00,415 --> 00:07:02,167 I wasn't sure if I could find one, 154 00:07:02,250 --> 00:07:04,586 but Duncan Hines always has surprises 155 00:07:04,669 --> 00:07:05,754 up their sleeve. 156 00:07:05,837 --> 00:07:07,422 Aunt Suse! 157 00:07:07,505 --> 00:07:09,341 I'm not keeping the baby. 158 00:07:18,183 --> 00:07:19,517 Hey, can I have this? 159 00:07:30,612 --> 00:07:31,446 Hello? 160 00:07:31,529 --> 00:07:33,323 Hey, Emily, it's Blaire. 161 00:07:33,406 --> 00:07:34,491 Hey, Blaire. 162 00:07:34,574 --> 00:07:35,701 Hey, um, 163 00:07:35,784 --> 00:07:38,954 listen, I had a medical question for you. 164 00:07:39,037 --> 00:07:40,372 If it's not too personal. 165 00:07:40,455 --> 00:07:43,542 Um… where did you get 166 00:07:43,625 --> 00:07:45,961 your abortion last year? 167 00:07:46,044 --> 00:07:48,213 Oh. There's a clinic on Emerson Ave. 168 00:07:48,296 --> 00:07:51,133 - It was 400 bucks. - Four hundred? 169 00:07:51,216 --> 00:07:53,802 Just to, like, shloop it out or whatever. 170 00:07:53,885 --> 00:07:56,555 I know. Also, there was a mob of protesters in front 171 00:07:56,638 --> 00:07:58,140 who were so scary. 172 00:07:58,223 --> 00:08:00,476 My dad almost punched a guy who called me a slut 173 00:08:00,559 --> 00:08:02,144 and not in, like, a fun, empowering way. 174 00:08:02,227 --> 00:08:04,521 Like, "You slut." 175 00:08:04,604 --> 00:08:06,565 Wait, do you have to get an abortion? 176 00:08:06,648 --> 00:08:11,570 No. I was just, um, going to counter-protest 177 00:08:11,653 --> 00:08:13,989 the anti-abortion protesters. 178 00:08:14,072 --> 00:08:17,576 So this is really great info. Thanks. 179 00:08:17,659 --> 00:08:19,495 Oh, cool. Yeah. 180 00:08:19,578 --> 00:08:21,538 Go stick it to those motherfuckers. 181 00:08:21,621 --> 00:08:24,499 I will. Talk to you later. 182 00:08:26,918 --> 00:08:28,378 - An abortion? - Yes. 183 00:08:28,461 --> 00:08:30,506 Abso-fuckin'-lutely not! 184 00:08:30,589 --> 00:08:31,715 Sorry you don't approve, 185 00:08:31,798 --> 00:08:33,550 but luckily, it's not your fuckin' choice. 186 00:08:33,633 --> 00:08:35,844 Listen to me, Blaire. You are not aborting that baby. 187 00:08:35,927 --> 00:08:38,514 What if we all voted on it? Also, can I have this too? 188 00:08:38,597 --> 00:08:41,517 Oh, that's a wonderful idea. We could all vote. 189 00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:43,685 No! My uterus is not a democracy. 190 00:08:43,768 --> 00:08:45,604 It's my body and my choice. 191 00:08:45,687 --> 00:08:47,940 It's his body too! He's a human being! 192 00:08:48,023 --> 00:08:50,025 Wow. Didn't realize it was a boy. 193 00:08:50,108 --> 00:08:53,028 And second of all, this is not yet a viable human being 194 00:08:53,111 --> 00:08:54,363 that can live on its own. 195 00:08:54,446 --> 00:08:55,405 Well, neither are you! 196 00:08:55,488 --> 00:08:56,949 According to medical science 197 00:08:57,032 --> 00:08:58,242 and Roe versus Wade, which… 198 00:08:58,325 --> 00:08:59,868 Fuck Roe and fuck Wade! 199 00:08:59,951 --> 00:09:01,870 Yeah. Wade was on your side, genius. 200 00:09:01,953 --> 00:09:02,871 You're not killing that kid. 201 00:09:02,954 --> 00:09:04,414 I'm not ready to be a mom! 202 00:09:04,497 --> 00:09:07,459 Okay? Last week, I had a beer in the shower. 203 00:09:07,542 --> 00:09:08,877 And this isn't a kid we're talking about. 204 00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:11,463 It's a fertilized egg. It's the size of a sesame seed. 205 00:09:11,546 --> 00:09:13,882 Hey, that's like three of your dicks, Johnny. 206 00:09:13,965 --> 00:09:15,300 Hey! Shut up! 207 00:09:15,383 --> 00:09:17,219 I'm sorry. He's got a normal-sized dick. 208 00:09:17,302 --> 00:09:20,556 Blaire, we just don't want you to do something you'll regret. 209 00:09:20,639 --> 00:09:23,308 If I had to leave school and give up a career, 210 00:09:23,391 --> 00:09:24,476 that's what I would regret. 211 00:09:24,559 --> 00:09:26,436 Wha-what about the baby's career, huh? 212 00:09:26,519 --> 00:09:27,980 You just gonna flush that down the toilet? 213 00:09:28,063 --> 00:09:29,481 - Literally. - And then it grows up 214 00:09:29,564 --> 00:09:31,108 in the sewer, becomes a Chud. 215 00:09:31,191 --> 00:09:32,317 What's a Chud? 216 00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:33,443 Cannibalistic Humanoid 217 00:09:33,526 --> 00:09:34,653 Underground Dweller. 218 00:09:34,736 --> 00:09:36,446 - Oh. - Matty, since you care 219 00:09:36,529 --> 00:09:38,323 so much about potential life, 220 00:09:38,406 --> 00:09:39,324 what about sperm? 221 00:09:39,407 --> 00:09:40,450 Every time you masturbate, 222 00:09:40,533 --> 00:09:41,577 millions of 'em die. 223 00:09:41,660 --> 00:09:43,620 So is it wrong to kill sperm too? 224 00:09:43,703 --> 00:09:45,956 Yes. No more masturbation in this house. 225 00:09:46,998 --> 00:09:49,334 John, don't cry because it's over, 226 00:09:49,417 --> 00:09:50,836 smile because it happened. 227 00:09:50,919 --> 00:09:52,463 Blaire, you're having that baby. 228 00:09:52,546 --> 00:09:54,798 What if we put it up for adoption? 229 00:09:54,881 --> 00:09:56,675 I'm sure there's someone we know who would love 230 00:09:56,758 --> 00:09:58,635 to adopt your baby. 231 00:09:58,718 --> 00:10:00,596 - I'll make some phone calls. - No. No. 232 00:10:00,679 --> 00:10:02,931 Aunt Suse, I don't want to go through pregnancy. 233 00:10:03,014 --> 00:10:04,308 Oh, it's no trouble. 234 00:10:04,391 --> 00:10:06,685 Most of my hair grew back eventually. 235 00:10:06,768 --> 00:10:08,145 I already made the appointment for Saturday. 236 00:10:08,228 --> 00:10:10,606 It's $400. I have half in my savings. 237 00:10:10,689 --> 00:10:12,107 I just need to borrow the other 200. 238 00:10:12,190 --> 00:10:14,943 Four hundred bucks just to, like, shloop it out? 239 00:10:15,026 --> 00:10:17,654 You ain't getting 200 cents from me, 240 00:10:17,737 --> 00:10:18,947 and you ain't going to that appointment. 241 00:10:19,030 --> 00:10:21,116 Didn't your platoon kill people in Vietnam? 242 00:10:21,199 --> 00:10:22,826 - That was different. - Why? 243 00:10:22,909 --> 00:10:25,120 Why do you get a medal but I'm going to hell? 244 00:10:25,203 --> 00:10:27,706 Because that was war, and most of 'em weren't babies. 245 00:10:27,789 --> 00:10:29,333 You are such a fuckin' hypocrite. 246 00:10:29,416 --> 00:10:31,126 You're the fuckin' hypocrite! Huh? 247 00:10:31,209 --> 00:10:33,128 Sleeping with women, sleeping with men, 248 00:10:33,211 --> 00:10:34,546 having it both ways. 249 00:10:34,629 --> 00:10:36,715 That's called having your pussy and eatin' it too. 250 00:10:36,798 --> 00:10:38,050 Right? 251 00:10:38,133 --> 00:10:39,510 - This guy. - It's a play on words. 252 00:10:39,593 --> 00:10:41,970 Anderson, Applebee… 253 00:10:42,053 --> 00:10:43,806 Oh, Arnoff. That might be nice. 254 00:10:43,889 --> 00:10:46,975 Blaire, do you mind if your baby becomes Jewish? 255 00:10:47,058 --> 00:10:48,477 What? No. 256 00:10:48,560 --> 00:10:51,730 I mean, yes, yes, because I'm not having the baby. 257 00:10:51,813 --> 00:10:52,731 It's kind of antisemitic 258 00:10:52,814 --> 00:10:54,399 to abort a potentially Jewish baby. 259 00:10:54,482 --> 00:10:56,819 Hi, this is Susan Bennett. 260 00:10:56,902 --> 00:10:58,987 Do you have any interest in a baby? 261 00:10:59,070 --> 00:11:00,656 And you're so fuckin' against 262 00:11:00,739 --> 00:11:02,699 this country giving murderers the chair, 263 00:11:02,782 --> 00:11:05,327 yet you have no problem murdering innocent kids. 264 00:11:05,410 --> 00:11:06,495 - What? - I guess you only want 265 00:11:06,578 --> 00:11:07,871 to have the baby if it grows up 266 00:11:07,954 --> 00:11:10,999 to be Charles Manson or Jeffrey Dahmer or Jane Fonda. 267 00:11:11,082 --> 00:11:13,502 They're asking if we want a baby. 268 00:11:13,585 --> 00:11:15,671 What? No. Get off the phone! 269 00:11:15,754 --> 00:11:17,673 Dad, what if the baby's a Yankees fan? 270 00:11:17,756 --> 00:11:19,216 - Still wrong. - What if I raise the baby 271 00:11:19,299 --> 00:11:20,551 to become an abortion doctor? 272 00:11:20,634 --> 00:11:22,177 So you'd be saving all those babies' lives 273 00:11:22,260 --> 00:11:23,178 by killing this one? 274 00:11:23,261 --> 00:11:24,179 Still wrong. 275 00:11:24,262 --> 00:11:25,097 What if the baby grows up 276 00:11:25,180 --> 00:11:26,181 to be Double Hitler? 277 00:11:26,264 --> 00:11:27,933 Not my problem. Still wrong. 278 00:11:28,016 --> 00:11:30,185 Well, I guess Double Hitler will have to be stopped 279 00:11:30,268 --> 00:11:31,520 by time travelers. 280 00:11:31,603 --> 00:11:32,563 As usual. 281 00:11:32,646 --> 00:11:33,897 Blaire, if you do this, 282 00:11:33,980 --> 00:11:35,566 you're gonna regret it for the rest of your life. 283 00:11:35,649 --> 00:11:38,235 Mr. Applebee wants to know if we can bring the baby 284 00:11:38,318 --> 00:11:39,903 by tomorrow to meet their dogs. 285 00:11:39,986 --> 00:11:42,364 Jesus Christ, Susan, get off the goddamn phone! 286 00:11:42,447 --> 00:11:44,575 And they also want to know, if they take the baby, 287 00:11:44,658 --> 00:11:47,369 will the father pay for their lawn furniture? 288 00:11:47,452 --> 00:11:48,704 Yeah, yeah. W-wait a minute. 289 00:11:48,787 --> 00:11:50,539 Who is the father? Huh? 290 00:11:50,622 --> 00:11:52,749 - He gets a say in this too. - He's nobody. 291 00:11:52,832 --> 00:11:54,626 I went to a party at Rubins Hall, 292 00:11:54,709 --> 00:11:56,462 hooked up with the RA, that's it. 293 00:11:56,545 --> 00:11:58,797 And it doesn't fucking matter because it's not his choice. 294 00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:00,591 - It's mine. - What's his name? 295 00:12:00,674 --> 00:12:02,259 - Why? - Because I wanna talk to him. 296 00:12:02,342 --> 00:12:03,802 No! Fuck you! 297 00:12:03,885 --> 00:12:05,804 All right. Clearly, I'm alone in all this, 298 00:12:05,887 --> 00:12:07,723 so I'll just figure out how to get the fuckin' money 299 00:12:07,806 --> 00:12:09,391 without your fuckin' help. 300 00:12:09,474 --> 00:12:10,474 Fuck! 301 00:12:17,899 --> 00:12:19,776 Sorry, sorry. 302 00:12:19,859 --> 00:12:21,069 I-I've been wanting to honk the horn, 303 00:12:21,152 --> 00:12:22,446 but there wasn't a window, 304 00:12:22,529 --> 00:12:25,865 and I now see that it was still inappropriate. 305 00:12:42,757 --> 00:12:45,260 Hey, Blaire, are you okay? 306 00:12:45,343 --> 00:12:47,679 Oh, yeah. Never better. 307 00:12:47,762 --> 00:12:49,431 Hey, listen, me and Johnny wanted 308 00:12:49,514 --> 00:12:50,766 to help you out if we can. 309 00:12:50,849 --> 00:12:52,851 Thanks, but I don't really know what you could… 310 00:12:53,727 --> 00:12:54,978 What the fuck? 311 00:12:55,061 --> 00:12:57,439 Yeah, I think, I think this is me now. 312 00:12:57,522 --> 00:12:59,691 Look, we hate seeing you so upset, 313 00:12:59,774 --> 00:13:02,319 so we're gonna try and help you find the money you need. 314 00:13:02,402 --> 00:13:03,320 How? 315 00:13:03,403 --> 00:13:04,446 We don't know, 316 00:13:04,529 --> 00:13:05,739 but we're gonna try and find a way. 317 00:13:06,406 --> 00:13:08,492 Well, thanks. 318 00:13:08,575 --> 00:13:11,662 Also, we heard that when you get pregnant, 319 00:13:11,745 --> 00:13:13,122 you get sort of like a, 320 00:13:13,205 --> 00:13:14,790 like a heightened sense of smell. 321 00:13:14,873 --> 00:13:16,291 Yeah. It's true. 322 00:13:16,374 --> 00:13:17,835 Would you mind using your powers 323 00:13:17,918 --> 00:13:19,336 to help us find our stash? 324 00:13:19,419 --> 00:13:20,838 When Susan was cleaning our room, 325 00:13:20,921 --> 00:13:22,005 we hid it somewhere in the house, 326 00:13:22,088 --> 00:13:23,381 and now we can't remember where. 327 00:13:24,424 --> 00:13:26,134 This is what the weed smells like. 328 00:13:40,357 --> 00:13:41,733 It's in the hamper. Oh, that's fuckin' awesome. 329 00:13:41,816 --> 00:13:42,860 Thank you so much, Blaire. Thank you so much. 330 00:13:42,943 --> 00:13:45,403 - Thank you. - Thank you, unwanted baby. 331 00:13:53,995 --> 00:13:55,914 Hey, where's the RA? 332 00:13:56,581 --> 00:13:58,833 Um, last door down on the left. 333 00:14:02,629 --> 00:14:03,797 Fuckin' Christ. 334 00:14:11,596 --> 00:14:13,014 Fuck me. 335 00:14:14,975 --> 00:14:16,268 Come in. 336 00:14:17,769 --> 00:14:18,687 You Nimeet? 337 00:14:18,770 --> 00:14:19,897 Uh, yeah. 338 00:14:19,980 --> 00:14:21,023 And you're the RA? 339 00:14:21,106 --> 00:14:23,108 Yeah. And you are? 340 00:14:24,859 --> 00:14:25,903 Listen, fucko. 341 00:14:25,986 --> 00:14:27,738 You're gonna raise your goddamn kid! 342 00:14:27,821 --> 00:14:29,740 - What? - You know Blaire Bennett. 343 00:14:29,823 --> 00:14:31,200 I mean, not super well. 344 00:14:31,283 --> 00:14:33,076 Oh, well, listen to this guy, 345 00:14:33,159 --> 00:14:34,912 already trying to weasel his way out of it. 346 00:14:34,995 --> 00:14:37,206 All right, come on, let's fuckin' go! 347 00:14:37,289 --> 00:14:38,748 What the hell, dude? 348 00:14:46,840 --> 00:14:47,966 All right, here we go. 349 00:14:48,049 --> 00:14:49,885 You realize we're breaking the law here? 350 00:14:49,968 --> 00:14:52,304 I mean, maybe we should find another way to get the money. 351 00:14:52,387 --> 00:14:53,722 We could sell all our weed. 352 00:14:53,805 --> 00:14:55,849 Never mind. Robbery is fine. 353 00:14:57,475 --> 00:14:58,476 Let's do it. 354 00:15:11,072 --> 00:15:12,407 Okay. I'm in. 355 00:15:12,490 --> 00:15:13,659 Okay. There's got to be, like, a latch 356 00:15:13,742 --> 00:15:15,410 or something next to the button. Can you open it? 357 00:15:15,493 --> 00:15:18,163 You know, when Sir Mix-a-Lot said "Put 'Em On the Glass," 358 00:15:18,246 --> 00:15:19,331 I thought it was fun. 359 00:15:19,414 --> 00:15:20,791 But it's not, Johnny. 360 00:15:20,874 --> 00:15:21,625 It's not fun. 361 00:15:21,708 --> 00:15:22,793 Would you just hurry up? 362 00:15:22,876 --> 00:15:24,419 If we get caught, we're fucked. 363 00:15:24,502 --> 00:15:26,588 Hang on. Hang on. 364 00:15:26,671 --> 00:15:27,839 I think I got it. 365 00:15:38,683 --> 00:15:39,810 Now how the fuck 366 00:15:39,893 --> 00:15:40,894 do I get outta here? 367 00:15:42,020 --> 00:15:43,021 Oh, shit. 368 00:15:45,232 --> 00:15:46,608 Wait, wh-what… What are you doing? 369 00:15:46,691 --> 00:15:47,818 I want some Rolos. 370 00:15:47,901 --> 00:15:49,611 Oh, fuck. Not the Rolos. 371 00:15:49,694 --> 00:15:51,821 That's right in my ass… Ooh, that feels good. 372 00:15:58,537 --> 00:16:00,956 Take me to your leader. 373 00:16:03,083 --> 00:16:04,126 Come in. 374 00:16:04,209 --> 00:16:05,043 You don't know how long 375 00:16:05,126 --> 00:16:06,295 I've been waiting to see him. 376 00:16:06,378 --> 00:16:07,378 Hey, guys. 377 00:16:08,296 --> 00:16:10,632 Um, I just, I wanted to say thank you again. 378 00:16:10,715 --> 00:16:12,634 Uh, Blaire, it was no problem. 379 00:16:12,717 --> 00:16:16,638 I still can't believe you made $200 collecting cans. 380 00:16:16,721 --> 00:16:17,973 Seems impossible. 381 00:16:18,056 --> 00:16:19,266 Uh, yeah. 382 00:16:19,349 --> 00:16:21,977 No, it's because we found one really big can, 383 00:16:22,060 --> 00:16:23,479 and, uh, that put us over the top. 384 00:16:23,562 --> 00:16:26,314 You guys are really special. You know that, right? 385 00:16:26,815 --> 00:16:28,066 We love you, Blaire. 386 00:16:28,149 --> 00:16:30,736 And we mean this from the bottom of our hearts. 387 00:16:30,819 --> 00:16:33,155 We think you'd make a really shitty mom. 388 00:16:33,238 --> 00:16:34,739 Fuck you. 389 00:16:35,740 --> 00:16:37,910 Thank you. I mean it. 390 00:16:37,993 --> 00:16:40,412 You guys are saving my life. 391 00:16:44,332 --> 00:16:45,876 All right, get me a needle and thread 392 00:16:45,959 --> 00:16:47,878 and get them fuckin' Rolos outta there. 393 00:16:54,259 --> 00:16:55,719 Hey, Ma, what's for dinner? 394 00:16:55,802 --> 00:16:58,680 Oh, hey, Johnny, we're having spaghetti. 395 00:16:58,763 --> 00:16:59,807 Nice. 396 00:16:59,890 --> 00:17:01,266 I'm listenin' to a little rock and roll 397 00:17:01,349 --> 00:17:02,935 if you wanna join. 398 00:17:03,018 --> 00:17:05,103 That sounds delightful, Susan. 399 00:17:08,940 --> 00:17:10,025 Hey, Aunt Suse. 400 00:17:10,108 --> 00:17:11,902 Um, can I talk to you for a minute? 401 00:17:11,985 --> 00:17:14,863 Well, sure, honey. What is it? 402 00:17:14,946 --> 00:17:18,784 Um, listen, so I know you and Matty 403 00:17:18,867 --> 00:17:21,078 don't approve of what I'm doing, 404 00:17:21,161 --> 00:17:24,039 but I finally got all the money I needed, 405 00:17:24,122 --> 00:17:27,459 and, um, I could really use a woman there with me 406 00:17:27,542 --> 00:17:29,545 when I get the procedure. 407 00:17:29,628 --> 00:17:30,795 Would you drive me? 408 00:17:31,963 --> 00:17:34,049 Oh, you, you must have girlfriends 409 00:17:34,132 --> 00:17:35,801 you can ask for that sort of thing. 410 00:17:35,884 --> 00:17:37,177 Yeah, I… 411 00:17:37,260 --> 00:17:39,888 I don't want it getting back to Sarah, you know? I… 412 00:17:39,971 --> 00:17:42,474 I was really hoping you would come with me. 413 00:17:43,850 --> 00:17:46,811 Blaire, you're family. 414 00:17:47,479 --> 00:17:49,481 I just can't be a part of this. 415 00:17:50,357 --> 00:17:51,983 You-you can't even drive me? 416 00:17:52,859 --> 00:17:54,570 Well, I don't think God would approve. 417 00:17:54,653 --> 00:17:56,321 Yeah, I don't know. He killed his kid. 418 00:17:56,404 --> 00:17:58,073 I still got one Rolo jammed up there. 419 00:17:58,156 --> 00:17:59,950 You think the abortion clinic could help with that? 420 00:18:00,033 --> 00:18:02,744 Listen, I know you have your convictions, 421 00:18:02,827 --> 00:18:04,121 and I respect that, 422 00:18:04,204 --> 00:18:06,748 but, Aunt Suse, you're-you're like a mother to me. 423 00:18:06,831 --> 00:18:08,083 There she is. 424 00:18:08,166 --> 00:18:10,002 There's your lover and the unborn child 425 00:18:10,085 --> 00:18:11,295 inside of her womb. 426 00:18:11,378 --> 00:18:12,921 Now do the right thing, asshole. 427 00:18:13,004 --> 00:18:14,131 Matty, what the fuck? 428 00:18:14,214 --> 00:18:16,133 Matty. Who's this? 429 00:18:16,216 --> 00:18:17,509 This is the father. 430 00:18:17,592 --> 00:18:19,261 - No, it's not. - Yes, it is. 431 00:18:19,344 --> 00:18:21,138 He, he's the RA in Rubins Hall. 432 00:18:21,221 --> 00:18:23,182 There's a different RA on every floor. 433 00:18:23,265 --> 00:18:24,349 Yeah, I'm Nimeet. 434 00:18:24,432 --> 00:18:25,601 You might have been looking for Brendan. 435 00:18:25,684 --> 00:18:26,684 He's kind of a player. 436 00:18:27,102 --> 00:18:28,645 - Brendan, right? - Yes. 437 00:18:28,728 --> 00:18:31,857 So wait, wait, wait, wait. You didn't… 438 00:18:31,940 --> 00:18:33,275 You know, with my niece? 439 00:18:33,358 --> 00:18:36,111 No, man. I'm saving myself for marriage. 440 00:18:36,194 --> 00:18:38,655 Nimeet, are you hungry? I could fix you a snack. 441 00:18:38,738 --> 00:18:39,615 I could eat. 442 00:18:39,698 --> 00:18:41,992 I am so sorry about all this. 443 00:18:42,075 --> 00:18:45,287 Um, you're in my Gothic Literature seminar, right? 444 00:18:45,370 --> 00:18:47,998 Oh, yeah, that's where I've seen you before. 445 00:18:48,081 --> 00:18:50,542 By the way, I think you should keep the baby. 446 00:18:50,625 --> 00:18:51,794 Excuse me? 447 00:18:51,877 --> 00:18:53,212 Motherhood is a beautiful thing. 448 00:18:53,295 --> 00:18:54,379 It was a topic of discussion 449 00:18:54,462 --> 00:18:56,173 at the Young Republicans meeting last week. 450 00:18:56,256 --> 00:18:58,634 Blaire, I think you should listen to Nimeet. 451 00:18:58,717 --> 00:19:00,886 You've gotta be fucking kidding me. 452 00:19:00,969 --> 00:19:02,846 That language is very unbecoming of a lady. 453 00:19:02,929 --> 00:19:04,306 I keep fuckin' telling her that. 454 00:19:04,389 --> 00:19:07,351 Blaire, Nimeet's a nice boy. 455 00:19:07,434 --> 00:19:10,813 Maybe you two could go out together and have a soda. 456 00:19:10,896 --> 00:19:13,982 And if it leads to marriage, you can keep the baby 457 00:19:14,065 --> 00:19:16,235 and raise it as a family. 458 00:19:16,318 --> 00:19:18,570 God sent him here for a reason, honey. 459 00:19:18,653 --> 00:19:21,824 No, no, he's here because Matty's a fucking maniac! 460 00:19:21,907 --> 00:19:24,034 What do you say, Blaire? Should we give it a shot? 461 00:19:24,117 --> 00:19:26,870 Nimeet's going for it, Johnny. I like this guy. 462 00:19:26,953 --> 00:19:29,164 Jesus Christ, I-I can't believe you two 463 00:19:29,247 --> 00:19:32,167 would literally rather listen to a random man's opinion 464 00:19:32,250 --> 00:19:35,170 about what I should do with my body than listen to me. 465 00:19:35,253 --> 00:19:36,254 This is a lost cause. 466 00:19:38,173 --> 00:19:40,342 This is what always happens 467 00:19:40,425 --> 00:19:42,094 under a Democratic administration. 468 00:19:42,177 --> 00:19:43,929 People feel like they have carte blanche 469 00:19:44,012 --> 00:19:47,140 to just shred the fabric of American integrity. 470 00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:50,602 Would you like to spend the night? 471 00:19:55,148 --> 00:19:56,191 What? 472 00:19:56,983 --> 00:19:58,902 Hey, it's just us. 473 00:19:58,985 --> 00:20:00,946 Sorry. Didn't mean to snap. 474 00:20:01,029 --> 00:20:02,739 No. I'm sorry my mom's not driving you 475 00:20:02,822 --> 00:20:03,907 to the abortion tomorrow. 476 00:20:03,990 --> 00:20:05,617 It's fine. 477 00:20:05,700 --> 00:20:06,535 I'll be fine. 478 00:20:06,618 --> 00:20:08,203 You know, we could take you. 479 00:20:08,286 --> 00:20:11,123 No, no. I'm just gonna call a cab. 480 00:20:11,206 --> 00:20:13,709 Oh, Blaire, you can't take a taxi to an abortion. 481 00:20:13,792 --> 00:20:14,918 That's just sad. 482 00:20:15,001 --> 00:20:17,296 Yeah, we don't want this to be a sad day. 483 00:20:17,379 --> 00:20:19,548 There may be protesters outside the clinic. 484 00:20:19,631 --> 00:20:21,258 Well, all the more reason we should be there with you. 485 00:20:21,341 --> 00:20:23,552 - What are you gonna do? - Oh, we've been playing 486 00:20:23,635 --> 00:20:25,262 Mike Tyson's Punch-Out all week. 487 00:20:25,345 --> 00:20:27,139 We got all the way up to Bald Bull. 488 00:20:27,222 --> 00:20:28,265 Yeah, we should be fine 489 00:20:28,348 --> 00:20:30,976 unless someone does exactly this. 490 00:20:32,394 --> 00:20:34,813 No, I don't wanna put you guys in any danger. 491 00:20:35,355 --> 00:20:38,525 You know what? I got an idea. 492 00:20:47,492 --> 00:20:48,744 Mom, I'm getting it! 493 00:20:48,827 --> 00:20:52,330 John Bennett. Do my eyes deceive me? 494 00:20:52,998 --> 00:20:54,249 Your dick's out, man. 495 00:20:54,332 --> 00:20:55,584 What? Oh, my God. 496 00:20:55,667 --> 00:20:56,960 Oh, it is. 497 00:20:57,043 --> 00:20:58,670 Get back in there! 498 00:20:58,753 --> 00:21:00,339 It's always getting out. 499 00:21:00,422 --> 00:21:01,381 Oh, yeah? 500 00:21:01,464 --> 00:21:03,300 I can wear three pairs of pants. 501 00:21:03,383 --> 00:21:05,177 It will not stop. 502 00:21:05,260 --> 00:21:06,762 It will find its way out. 503 00:21:06,845 --> 00:21:08,305 Anyway, thanks for letting me know, guys. 504 00:21:08,388 --> 00:21:09,598 Oh, wait, that's actually, 505 00:21:09,681 --> 00:21:11,308 that's not the only reason, uh, that we came. 506 00:21:11,391 --> 00:21:13,018 Oh, shit. 507 00:21:13,101 --> 00:21:15,187 My cup runneth over. 'Sup? 508 00:21:15,270 --> 00:21:17,356 Uh, this is my best friend, Ted. 509 00:21:17,439 --> 00:21:20,442 It's not a contest who you're closer with, but okay. 510 00:21:20,525 --> 00:21:23,487 Uh, and we actually wanted to borrow your van. 511 00:21:23,570 --> 00:21:26,323 - Uh, my cousin… - I don't need to know a reason. 512 00:21:26,406 --> 00:21:27,991 That's why you own a van, 513 00:21:28,074 --> 00:21:30,035 to loan it out to your best friend. 514 00:21:30,118 --> 00:21:31,328 No questions asked. 515 00:21:31,411 --> 00:21:33,705 - That's the van code. - Thanks. 516 00:21:33,788 --> 00:21:34,832 Actually, Ted's gonna be the one driving. 517 00:21:34,915 --> 00:21:36,333 I don't need to know. Question. 518 00:21:36,416 --> 00:21:38,502 Do you want it with or without the ferret? 519 00:21:38,585 --> 00:21:40,379 Uh, without? 520 00:21:40,462 --> 00:21:42,798 - Well, he's gonna be in there. - Okay. 521 00:21:42,881 --> 00:21:45,509 His name is also John Bennett. Not named after you. 522 00:21:45,592 --> 00:21:49,888 After a different guy I know… named Bennett John. 523 00:21:50,263 --> 00:21:51,557 We'll keep an eye out for him. 524 00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:53,851 Ah, shit. He moved to Texas. You'll never meet him. 525 00:21:53,934 --> 00:21:56,478 Okay, well, uh, we will get this, uh, your van to you… 526 00:21:56,561 --> 00:21:58,939 I don't need to know. 527 00:21:59,648 --> 00:22:00,566 You dick's out again, man. 528 00:22:00,649 --> 00:22:02,359 What…? 529 00:22:02,442 --> 00:22:04,653 He probably smells your dick. 530 00:22:29,302 --> 00:22:31,847 - Oh, man, they look angry. - Okay, wait here. 531 00:22:31,930 --> 00:22:34,349 And as soon as those protesters move out of the way, 532 00:22:34,432 --> 00:22:35,517 you haul ass inside. 533 00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:37,227 How are you gonna get them to move? 534 00:22:37,310 --> 00:22:38,562 Watch this. 535 00:22:38,645 --> 00:22:40,647 Right to life! 536 00:22:50,782 --> 00:22:51,783 Howdy, folks. 537 00:22:54,119 --> 00:22:56,038 All right. Careful, now. 538 00:22:56,121 --> 00:22:58,207 Well, we better get this abortion machine unloaded. 539 00:22:58,290 --> 00:22:59,625 Oh. Yeah. 540 00:22:59,708 --> 00:23:01,794 The clinic needs it for shlooping out all those fetuses. 541 00:23:01,877 --> 00:23:03,378 Yep. The old fetus deletus. 542 00:23:03,461 --> 00:23:05,589 - The old zygote bye-gote. - Better move fast. 543 00:23:05,672 --> 00:23:07,382 We got another 12 abortion machines 544 00:23:07,465 --> 00:23:09,259 we gotta deliver before the end of the day. 545 00:23:09,342 --> 00:23:10,427 Oh, you're telling me. 546 00:23:10,510 --> 00:23:12,304 Spring break was four to six weeks ago, 547 00:23:12,387 --> 00:23:14,056 which means now is the busy season. 548 00:23:14,139 --> 00:23:16,600 But, boy, do I love this new Abort-o-matic 5000. 549 00:23:16,683 --> 00:23:18,936 A miracle of modern abortion technology. 550 00:23:19,019 --> 00:23:21,104 Double the abortions in only half the time. 551 00:23:21,187 --> 00:23:22,606 It was smart of 'em to make the tubes wider 552 00:23:22,689 --> 00:23:24,274 so the eyeballs won't clog it up. 553 00:23:24,357 --> 00:23:25,651 - Hey! - Oh, yes, sir. 554 00:23:25,734 --> 00:23:27,611 You ordered the brand-new abortion machine. 555 00:23:27,694 --> 00:23:30,239 No! And you're a murdering piece of shit. 556 00:23:30,322 --> 00:23:32,449 Well, say what you want, but my alive kids 557 00:23:32,532 --> 00:23:34,326 are gonna have a great Christmas this year 558 00:23:34,409 --> 00:23:35,828 on account of all these abortions. 559 00:23:35,911 --> 00:23:37,412 And ever since my wife's miscarriage, 560 00:23:37,495 --> 00:23:39,123 I don't want anyone to have living kids. 561 00:23:39,206 --> 00:23:41,458 I've always found your stance on this extreme. 562 00:23:41,541 --> 00:23:43,085 But as a Yankees fan, I support it. 563 00:23:43,168 --> 00:23:44,168 Get 'em! 564 00:23:59,935 --> 00:24:01,436 Hi. I'm here for my appointment. 565 00:24:01,519 --> 00:24:04,522 Name? Or fake name you only used to make the appointment? 566 00:24:05,690 --> 00:24:07,192 Penelope Davenport. 567 00:24:07,275 --> 00:24:09,319 You're checked in, Miss Davenport. 568 00:24:09,402 --> 00:24:11,238 We just need the $400. 569 00:24:36,388 --> 00:24:37,806 Hello, Father. 570 00:24:37,889 --> 00:24:39,016 Hello, Susan. 571 00:24:39,099 --> 00:24:40,684 I don't have that much time. 572 00:24:40,767 --> 00:24:42,561 I have a little thing at the courthouse 573 00:24:42,644 --> 00:24:43,979 in about half an hour. 574 00:24:44,062 --> 00:24:46,398 I'm not here to confess. 575 00:24:46,481 --> 00:24:47,691 I need guidance. 576 00:24:47,774 --> 00:24:49,651 On what exactly? 577 00:24:49,734 --> 00:24:54,031 Well, a member of my family might be 578 00:24:54,114 --> 00:24:56,158 committing a horrible sin. 579 00:24:56,241 --> 00:24:57,450 And what sin is that? 580 00:24:58,243 --> 00:25:00,412 My niece is having an abortion. 581 00:25:00,495 --> 00:25:01,538 Oh. 582 00:25:01,621 --> 00:25:03,540 And I just don't know what to do. 583 00:25:03,623 --> 00:25:05,751 Ah, I was really hoping this was gonna be 584 00:25:05,834 --> 00:25:08,337 you were tired of making dinner or something. 585 00:25:08,420 --> 00:25:09,379 But, okay. 586 00:25:09,462 --> 00:25:11,423 I-I don't agree with her choice, 587 00:25:11,506 --> 00:25:13,217 but I love her. 588 00:25:13,300 --> 00:25:17,179 I could refer you to a clinic that just fakes the procedure. 589 00:25:17,262 --> 00:25:19,056 Can buy you, like, two or three months. 590 00:25:19,139 --> 00:25:21,725 No, no, I-I… I can't lie to her. 591 00:25:21,808 --> 00:25:23,435 Maybe you could talk to her. 592 00:25:23,518 --> 00:25:25,270 Oh. 593 00:25:25,353 --> 00:25:27,564 I'm not gonna be around a heck of a lot longer. 594 00:25:27,647 --> 00:25:30,859 I'm, uh, being shuttled to a new diocese in Ohio. 595 00:25:30,942 --> 00:25:32,194 Really? 596 00:25:32,277 --> 00:25:33,570 I have six days to grow 597 00:25:33,653 --> 00:25:35,948 a full beard and mustache. 598 00:25:36,031 --> 00:25:37,783 And please start calling me David. 599 00:25:37,866 --> 00:25:39,284 I need the practice. 600 00:25:39,367 --> 00:25:41,537 David, how can I forgive my niece? 601 00:25:41,620 --> 00:25:45,457 Well, it's like my lawyer says. Not everyone's gonna love you. 602 00:25:45,957 --> 00:25:48,794 I'm sure your niece knows what she's doing is wrong. 603 00:25:48,877 --> 00:25:54,216 Even if at the time, it just seemed so right. 604 00:25:54,299 --> 00:25:58,094 Let love be your guide. God knows I did. 605 00:25:59,137 --> 00:26:01,973 Ah. That's my ride. 606 00:26:02,682 --> 00:26:04,517 I'm sure you'll do the right thing. 607 00:26:11,149 --> 00:26:13,402 And that's why the Contract with America 608 00:26:13,485 --> 00:26:14,611 was so effective in the midterms. 609 00:26:14,694 --> 00:26:16,613 Gingrich knew that it would crystallize 610 00:26:16,696 --> 00:26:18,782 for conservative voters exactly what policies 611 00:26:18,865 --> 00:26:20,284 their representatives would fight for. 612 00:26:20,367 --> 00:26:22,661 That's what I've been saying. Ohh! 613 00:26:22,744 --> 00:26:24,413 You know, it's great to finally meet 614 00:26:24,496 --> 00:26:25,747 a Mexican who agrees with me. 615 00:26:25,830 --> 00:26:27,833 Newt's out there fighting the patriotic fight 616 00:26:27,916 --> 00:26:29,501 for real Americans while… 617 00:26:29,584 --> 00:26:31,462 Clinton's playing the goddamn saxophone! 618 00:26:31,545 --> 00:26:33,255 - Yes! Fuckin' yes! - Yes! Yes, sir. 619 00:26:33,338 --> 00:26:34,840 You, you get it. 620 00:26:34,923 --> 00:26:36,842 - How'd you sleep last night? - Great. 621 00:26:36,925 --> 00:26:38,760 I hope Susan wasn't uncomfortable on the couch. 622 00:26:38,843 --> 00:26:40,596 No, she's fine, she's fine. 623 00:26:40,679 --> 00:26:41,680 And my pajamas fit? 624 00:26:41,763 --> 00:26:43,348 - Perfectly. - Good, good. 625 00:26:43,431 --> 00:26:45,517 Hey, listen, I gotta get back to campus, 626 00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:46,935 but this has been just great. 627 00:26:47,018 --> 00:26:49,437 Absolutely. Absolutely. The best. 628 00:26:50,021 --> 00:26:52,149 Hey. Come here. Bring it in. 629 00:26:52,232 --> 00:26:54,276 Let's keep in touch over the summer, all right? 630 00:26:54,359 --> 00:26:56,278 - You know it. - You're one of the good ones. 631 00:26:56,361 --> 00:26:57,529 You too. 632 00:26:59,531 --> 00:27:01,491 Get the fuck outta my house. 633 00:27:07,038 --> 00:27:08,290 Blaire. 634 00:27:08,373 --> 00:27:09,666 Blaire, over here. 635 00:27:09,749 --> 00:27:11,502 Oh, my God, are you guys okay? 636 00:27:11,585 --> 00:27:14,546 Oh, yeah. I'm a loser in high school. This is nothing. 637 00:27:15,547 --> 00:27:17,549 Hey, more importantly, are you okay? 638 00:27:18,717 --> 00:27:19,676 Yeah, I will be. 639 00:27:19,759 --> 00:27:20,969 And they for sure got him? 640 00:27:21,052 --> 00:27:22,888 Oh. Pff. Barely. 641 00:27:22,971 --> 00:27:24,723 He slipped out and ran around the room for a bit, 642 00:27:24,806 --> 00:27:27,142 but the doctor got him with his giant mallet. 643 00:27:27,225 --> 00:27:28,727 Wh… Really? 644 00:27:28,810 --> 00:27:30,145 No, you dumb fuck. 645 00:27:30,228 --> 00:27:33,398 Well, I think we've all learned a valuable lesson today. 646 00:27:33,481 --> 00:27:35,651 No matter which side you're on, we could all stand to be 647 00:27:35,734 --> 00:27:37,820 a little more careful with our jizz. 648 00:27:37,903 --> 00:27:40,864 Amen. Let's get outta here. 649 00:27:50,248 --> 00:27:52,501 Blaire, you awake? 650 00:27:52,584 --> 00:27:54,085 Uh, just a second. 651 00:27:56,504 --> 00:27:57,589 Come in. 652 00:28:02,928 --> 00:28:04,596 Thought you might be hungry. 653 00:28:05,263 --> 00:28:08,559 So, I made you a little something to eat. 654 00:28:08,642 --> 00:28:10,894 Thanks. 655 00:28:10,977 --> 00:28:12,646 You, uh… 656 00:28:14,648 --> 00:28:17,108 You know what I did today, right? 657 00:28:17,692 --> 00:28:19,027 I know. 658 00:28:20,362 --> 00:28:23,657 And I don't agree with it, and I don't think I ever will. 659 00:28:24,658 --> 00:28:26,451 But I love you anyway. 660 00:28:27,827 --> 00:28:29,120 I love you too. 661 00:28:31,122 --> 00:28:32,499 What's this? 662 00:28:34,668 --> 00:28:36,795 They're baby shoes from the shower. 663 00:28:36,878 --> 00:28:39,131 I thought you might wanna keep 'em 664 00:28:39,214 --> 00:28:42,384 for when you are ready to be a mother. 665 00:28:42,467 --> 00:28:44,719 Thank you, Aunt Suse. 666 00:28:46,221 --> 00:28:51,602 And one day, if I do decide I wanna be a mom, 667 00:28:51,685 --> 00:28:53,604 I really hope I'm as good as you. 668 00:28:53,687 --> 00:28:55,230 Oh, you'd love it. 669 00:28:55,313 --> 00:28:58,817 You get to take care of a whole house full of people. 670 00:28:58,900 --> 00:29:00,569 You get a card once a year, 671 00:29:00,652 --> 00:29:04,406 and it's such a great feeling when you solve a stain. 672 00:29:04,489 --> 00:29:07,784 I'll… be sure to keep all that in mind. 673 00:29:07,867 --> 00:29:11,496 You are such a special, special girl, Blaire. 674 00:29:14,332 --> 00:29:17,753 And if I were you, I'd go after that Nimeet. 675 00:29:17,836 --> 00:29:21,506 Oh, he's one hot tamale. 676 00:29:25,760 --> 00:29:26,845 She's gone. 677 00:29:28,597 --> 00:29:29,848 Fuck, that was close. 678 00:29:29,931 --> 00:29:32,309 Ah, are those Pringles? Oh, fuck, yeah. 679 00:29:32,392 --> 00:29:35,270 I'm so fuckin' glad this week is over. 680 00:29:35,353 --> 00:29:38,106 Hey, next abortion can you ask for a baby business suit? 681 00:29:38,189 --> 00:29:39,816 'Cause that's somethin' I could actually use. 682 00:29:41,234 --> 00:29:44,655 Hey, thanks again, you guys, for coming with me. 683 00:29:44,738 --> 00:29:46,657 Hey, one less red-faced piece of shit 684 00:29:46,740 --> 00:29:47,866 at the Celtics games, huh? 685 00:29:47,949 --> 00:29:49,868 We may have gotten our asses beat, 686 00:29:49,951 --> 00:29:51,370 but at least it all had a happy ending. 687 00:29:51,453 --> 00:29:53,664 Which is what you should have given to avoid all this. 688 00:29:53,747 --> 00:29:55,958 - Fuck you. - I know, right? 689 00:29:56,041 --> 00:29:58,752 But really, you-you should have just jerked him off.