1 00:00:35,670 --> 00:00:37,839 Oh, I can't believe 2 00:00:37,922 --> 00:00:41,343 my boys are high school graduates now. 3 00:00:41,426 --> 00:00:43,679 Yep. And all without openin' a single book 4 00:00:43,762 --> 00:00:45,514 or applyin' ourselves in any way. 5 00:00:45,597 --> 00:00:47,849 Gun to my head, I couldn't find Europe on a map. 6 00:00:47,932 --> 00:00:49,226 Is it the one shaped like a hand? 7 00:00:49,309 --> 00:00:50,686 I got through two years of French 8 00:00:50,769 --> 00:00:52,062 just knowing five words. 9 00:00:52,145 --> 00:00:53,355 Baguette. 10 00:00:53,438 --> 00:00:54,856 Déjà vu. 11 00:00:54,939 --> 00:00:57,109 Gérard. Depardieu. 12 00:00:57,192 --> 00:00:59,861 Boys, the world is your oyster now. 13 00:00:59,944 --> 00:01:00,946 No, it ain't. 14 00:01:01,029 --> 00:01:02,197 From here on out, 15 00:01:02,280 --> 00:01:03,740 there's no more gravy train. 16 00:01:03,823 --> 00:01:05,867 All right? You're an adult now, Johnny. 17 00:01:05,950 --> 00:01:07,411 That means responsibility. 18 00:01:07,494 --> 00:01:08,578 Don't you worry, Dad. 19 00:01:08,661 --> 00:01:09,871 You have my word. 20 00:01:09,954 --> 00:01:11,206 I am gonna take adulthood 21 00:01:11,289 --> 00:01:12,791 and grab it by the ass. 22 00:01:12,874 --> 00:01:14,209 Speaking of, I gotta take a dump. 23 00:01:14,292 --> 00:01:16,211 That was a long fucking ceremony. 24 00:01:16,294 --> 00:01:18,463 Jesus, we don't all need to hear about it. 25 00:01:18,546 --> 00:01:20,298 Have a good stool, Matty. 26 00:01:20,673 --> 00:01:23,301 And, Johnny, did you do your doo-doos yet today? 27 00:01:23,677 --> 00:01:26,054 Oh, Ma, I'm 18 now. 28 00:01:26,554 --> 00:01:27,972 Mine is stools too. 29 00:01:28,973 --> 00:01:31,059 Oh, good heavens, you're right. 30 00:01:31,142 --> 00:01:32,602 You're right. 31 00:01:34,145 --> 00:01:36,147 How time flies. 32 00:01:39,901 --> 00:01:42,321 You said someone's tokin' some reefer. 33 00:01:42,404 --> 00:01:44,156 No, I may have said something 34 00:01:44,239 --> 00:01:45,239 about smelling some pot. 35 00:01:45,657 --> 00:01:46,908 You know, it's just an observation. 36 00:01:46,991 --> 00:01:48,493 Oh, an observation, huh? 37 00:01:48,576 --> 00:01:50,829 Well, who the hell are you, man, Isaac fuckin' Newton? 38 00:01:51,162 --> 00:01:52,497 It's kind of hard for me to buy that 39 00:01:52,580 --> 00:01:55,083 this guy has Isaac Newton on the tip of his tongue. 40 00:01:55,166 --> 00:01:56,793 Yeah, and he really seemed to have it locked and loaded. 41 00:01:56,876 --> 00:01:59,087 Like, "I hope a situation arises today 42 00:01:59,170 --> 00:02:01,131 where I can mention my favorite scientist." 43 00:02:01,214 --> 00:02:02,466 Oh, look, they're gonna fight. 44 00:02:02,549 --> 00:02:03,967 Why don't you observe while I punch your teeth 45 00:02:04,050 --> 00:02:05,093 - down your fucking throat. - Come on! 46 00:02:05,176 --> 00:02:06,929 Why do guys always take their shirts off 47 00:02:07,012 --> 00:02:08,096 when they're about to fight? 48 00:02:08,179 --> 00:02:09,932 'Cause guys will always look at nipples. 49 00:02:10,015 --> 00:02:11,099 - Really? - Oh, yeah. 50 00:02:11,182 --> 00:02:12,351 If they're out, a guy's lookin'. 51 00:02:12,434 --> 00:02:13,936 And while he's lost in your nipples, 52 00:02:14,019 --> 00:02:15,604 - you punch him in the face. - Wow. 53 00:02:15,687 --> 00:02:17,147 Yeah. Ask Evander Holyfield. 54 00:02:17,230 --> 00:02:18,774 Hey, buddy, my fists are up here. 55 00:02:18,857 --> 00:02:19,858 Exactly. 56 00:02:19,941 --> 00:02:21,944 If JFK had been in the car shirtless, 57 00:02:22,027 --> 00:02:23,153 he'd be alive today. 58 00:02:23,236 --> 00:02:25,197 Boys! Dinner's ready! 59 00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:26,281 To be continued. 60 00:02:28,033 --> 00:02:29,284 By the way, there's a surprise 61 00:02:29,367 --> 00:02:30,619 in the salad. 62 00:02:30,702 --> 00:02:32,329 Sun-dried tomatoes. 63 00:02:32,412 --> 00:02:34,289 I got turned around at the Stop and Shop, 64 00:02:34,372 --> 00:02:36,667 and I ended up in the ethnic aisle. 65 00:02:36,750 --> 00:02:39,294 Sun-dried is just a fancy word for old. 66 00:02:39,377 --> 00:02:42,047 - It's a wop scam. - Italian scam. 67 00:02:42,630 --> 00:02:43,382 Wait. No. 68 00:02:43,465 --> 00:02:44,633 Save 'em and give 'em out 69 00:02:44,716 --> 00:02:46,385 to the kids with the mustaches on Halloween. 70 00:02:46,468 --> 00:02:49,179 Jesus Christ, you are such a fuckin' bigot. 71 00:02:49,262 --> 00:02:50,555 It's like I'm living with Mark Fuhrman. 72 00:02:50,638 --> 00:02:52,307 Oh, Christ. Not this again. 73 00:02:52,390 --> 00:02:53,976 Oh, what? Because you still can't admit 74 00:02:54,059 --> 00:02:55,686 he is a crooked, lying sack of… 75 00:02:55,769 --> 00:02:57,312 O.J. did it! All right? 76 00:02:57,395 --> 00:02:59,022 If-if the cops planted evidence, 77 00:02:59,105 --> 00:03:01,692 it was just to make up for O.J. un-planting it. 78 00:03:01,775 --> 00:03:02,985 That doesn't make any sense. 79 00:03:03,068 --> 00:03:05,070 John, how'd your interview go today? 80 00:03:05,653 --> 00:03:07,990 - What? - At my buddy Tommy's tire shop. 81 00:03:08,073 --> 00:03:10,158 Hey, it wasn't easy gettin' you in there. 82 00:03:10,241 --> 00:03:12,244 Luckily, there was an opening because Bob Donahue 83 00:03:12,327 --> 00:03:13,495 got crushed under a truck. 84 00:03:13,953 --> 00:03:14,913 Right. The interview. 85 00:03:14,996 --> 00:03:16,832 Um… it went great. 86 00:03:16,915 --> 00:03:18,834 I looked him right in the eye, and I gave him 87 00:03:18,917 --> 00:03:20,585 a firm handshake and everything. 88 00:03:22,754 --> 00:03:24,172 Tommy doesn't have a hand. 89 00:03:24,839 --> 00:03:25,924 - Oh. - Lost it 90 00:03:26,007 --> 00:03:27,551 in a tire balancer last year. 91 00:03:27,634 --> 00:03:30,345 This sounds like a uniquely dangerous workplace. 92 00:03:30,428 --> 00:03:33,056 - I shook his nub. - He doesn't have a nub. 93 00:03:33,139 --> 00:03:34,725 It goes all the way up to the shoulder! 94 00:03:34,808 --> 00:03:35,934 I shook his shoulder. 95 00:03:36,017 --> 00:03:37,519 He's a head on a torso! 96 00:03:37,602 --> 00:03:39,187 How is this guy a mechanic? 97 00:03:39,270 --> 00:03:41,189 - Okay, Dad… - You didn't fuckin' go, did you? 98 00:03:41,648 --> 00:03:43,025 - No, but… - Goddammit! 99 00:03:43,108 --> 00:03:44,276 I can't fucking believe it! 100 00:03:44,359 --> 00:03:45,444 If he takes his shirt off, 101 00:03:45,527 --> 00:03:46,862 don't get distracted by his nipples. 102 00:03:46,945 --> 00:03:48,196 - See, the thing is… - No! 103 00:03:48,279 --> 00:03:49,865 I'm sick of your fucking excuses. 104 00:03:49,948 --> 00:03:52,409 Y-you didn't get into college. You ain't got a job. 105 00:03:52,492 --> 00:03:55,037 You ain't done nothin' but sit on your ass since June. 106 00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:57,122 Matty, he's a late bloomer. 107 00:03:57,205 --> 00:03:58,373 He's a boy, Susan. 108 00:03:58,456 --> 00:03:59,708 Don't talk about him bloomin'. 109 00:03:59,791 --> 00:04:02,210 But it's wonderful when a boy blooms. 110 00:04:02,293 --> 00:04:04,421 I said stop it! You know what? 111 00:04:04,504 --> 00:04:06,798 The two of you are kicked out of this fucking house! 112 00:04:06,881 --> 00:04:08,383 - Matty! - No more free rides! 113 00:04:08,466 --> 00:04:09,468 Matty, no! 114 00:04:09,551 --> 00:04:10,928 No. It's for his own good, Susan. 115 00:04:11,011 --> 00:04:13,055 My kid ain't gonna fuckin' wind up 116 00:04:13,138 --> 00:04:14,556 like a fuckin' welfare queen. 117 00:04:14,639 --> 00:04:15,974 And more racism. 118 00:04:16,057 --> 00:04:17,392 How the fuck is that racist? 119 00:04:17,475 --> 00:04:19,478 - You just said welfare queen. - So? 120 00:04:19,561 --> 00:04:21,605 So that is a racist black stereotype. 121 00:04:21,688 --> 00:04:23,273 I never said she was black. 122 00:04:23,356 --> 00:04:24,942 Oh, so it's automatically a woman? 123 00:04:25,025 --> 00:04:27,569 Well, a man's not poppin' out babies just to get rich, 124 00:04:27,652 --> 00:04:29,404 and don't change the fuckin' subject. 125 00:04:29,487 --> 00:04:31,782 I am tired of comin' home every day 126 00:04:31,865 --> 00:04:33,742 to a house full of freeloaders who… 127 00:04:34,826 --> 00:04:36,161 Fuck! 128 00:04:36,494 --> 00:04:38,080 - Matty? - Dad, are you okay? 129 00:04:38,163 --> 00:04:40,499 Ah, it's fucking indigestion. 130 00:04:40,582 --> 00:04:41,666 Feels like… 131 00:04:42,167 --> 00:04:44,127 Dom DeLuise is sitting on my chest. 132 00:04:44,210 --> 00:04:46,046 Honey, you want some Mylanta? 133 00:04:47,047 --> 00:04:48,173 Oh, shit. 134 00:04:57,057 --> 00:04:59,268 Doctor, is he gonna be okay? 135 00:04:59,351 --> 00:05:02,437 He's stable, but there are blockages in his arteries, 136 00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:04,273 so another cardiac event is likely. 137 00:05:04,356 --> 00:05:06,525 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down, Doc. 138 00:05:06,608 --> 00:05:08,443 Explain it to me in sewage terms. 139 00:05:08,526 --> 00:05:11,113 Is it just a clogged sink, or is the main line blocked 140 00:05:11,196 --> 00:05:12,948 and the shit comin' up through the shower drain? 141 00:05:13,031 --> 00:05:15,533 I guess it's closer to the second one. 142 00:05:16,201 --> 00:05:17,828 I'll need your consent to insert a stent 143 00:05:17,911 --> 00:05:19,371 into each blocked artery. 144 00:05:20,747 --> 00:05:21,790 Well, who's gonna do it? 145 00:05:21,873 --> 00:05:23,541 I'll be performing the procedure. 146 00:05:25,043 --> 00:05:26,043 Oh, yeah? 147 00:05:27,045 --> 00:05:28,045 What about this guy? 148 00:05:28,797 --> 00:05:29,631 He's a nurse. 149 00:05:29,714 --> 00:05:30,716 A guy? 150 00:05:30,799 --> 00:05:32,843 - Yes. - What the fuck's goin' on? 151 00:05:32,926 --> 00:05:34,136 Did you give me the drugs already? 152 00:05:34,219 --> 00:05:35,470 Will you stop being a fuckin' asshole 153 00:05:35,553 --> 00:05:36,721 and let him save your life? 154 00:05:38,890 --> 00:05:40,225 All right. Fine. 155 00:05:44,562 --> 00:05:45,981 I'm so sorry. 156 00:05:46,064 --> 00:05:48,025 I'm a doctor in Massachusetts. 157 00:05:48,108 --> 00:05:50,902 If I didn't save racist lives, I would do nothing. 158 00:05:52,487 --> 00:05:54,406 Susan, I'm scared. 159 00:05:54,489 --> 00:05:56,574 Everything's gonna be all right, honey. 160 00:05:57,325 --> 00:05:58,660 I love you so much. 161 00:05:58,743 --> 00:05:59,953 I love you too. 162 00:06:01,955 --> 00:06:03,540 A-and, son. 163 00:06:03,623 --> 00:06:04,666 Yeah, Dad? 164 00:06:04,749 --> 00:06:06,793 I-I-I don't say this enough, but… 165 00:06:09,337 --> 00:06:11,005 you really need a fuckin' haircut. 166 00:06:13,091 --> 00:06:14,091 I know, Dad. 167 00:06:15,593 --> 00:06:17,888 Hey, Johnny, look, I'm the kid in the wheelchair 168 00:06:17,971 --> 00:06:20,682 at the school dance who's also havin' a good time. 169 00:06:30,358 --> 00:06:31,443 Hey. 170 00:06:37,824 --> 00:06:38,909 Di… 171 00:06:38,992 --> 00:06:40,452 Did you just put a breast cancer 172 00:06:40,535 --> 00:06:42,371 self-exam pamphlet in your pocket? 173 00:06:42,454 --> 00:06:43,788 It's for when I get home. 174 00:06:44,205 --> 00:06:45,207 I'm ju… I'm just curious. 175 00:06:45,290 --> 00:06:47,376 In the fantasy, does she find a lump? 176 00:06:47,459 --> 00:06:49,502 Yeah. In my pants. 177 00:06:50,795 --> 00:06:52,797 Not your best work, but you're under a lot of stress. 178 00:06:55,467 --> 00:06:56,635 It's not even a photo on there. 179 00:06:56,718 --> 00:06:58,970 You're just gonna jerk off to a line drawing? 180 00:07:00,972 --> 00:07:03,308 Doctor, how is he? Is he gonna be okay? 181 00:07:03,391 --> 00:07:05,394 Also, the vending machine ate one of my quarters. 182 00:07:05,477 --> 00:07:07,062 Is there a form I can fill out or… 183 00:07:07,145 --> 00:07:09,106 The procedure went very smoothly, Mrs. Bennett. 184 00:07:09,189 --> 00:07:10,774 Oh. Thank God. 185 00:07:10,857 --> 00:07:11,900 I'm so relieved. 186 00:07:11,983 --> 00:07:13,568 So Matty's gonna be okay? 187 00:07:13,651 --> 00:07:15,320 Well, he's not out of the woods yet. 188 00:07:15,403 --> 00:07:16,905 His condition is very delicate, 189 00:07:16,988 --> 00:07:18,323 especially for the next few weeks. 190 00:07:18,406 --> 00:07:19,574 W-what does that mean? 191 00:07:19,657 --> 00:07:21,326 He needs to remain calm. 192 00:07:21,409 --> 00:07:23,412 If he gets overly agitated or angry, 193 00:07:23,495 --> 00:07:25,414 it could trigger another heart attack. 194 00:07:25,497 --> 00:07:26,498 Possibly be fatal. 195 00:07:27,332 --> 00:07:28,917 We'll say our goodbyes now. 196 00:07:37,342 --> 00:07:39,970 I think the best part of The Grind is all the grindin'. 197 00:07:40,053 --> 00:07:42,931 We're blessed to live in a time when dancing is just girls 198 00:07:43,014 --> 00:07:46,101 rubbin' their butts against the dick area of guys' jeans. 199 00:07:46,184 --> 00:07:48,937 The patient is resting comfortably. 200 00:07:49,020 --> 00:07:51,523 He's not pissed about having to eat egg whites from now on? 201 00:07:51,606 --> 00:07:54,151 Oh, I disguise them with yellow food coloring. 202 00:07:54,234 --> 00:07:56,278 And tonight, I'm gonna use red dye 203 00:07:56,361 --> 00:07:58,947 to make the ground turkey look like ground beef. 204 00:07:59,364 --> 00:08:01,866 This must be what it feels like to be a spy. 205 00:08:04,452 --> 00:08:06,288 Oh, Johnny, please change the channel. 206 00:08:06,371 --> 00:08:08,540 I don't want your father to hear this. 207 00:08:09,124 --> 00:08:11,043 He calls it burglary music. 208 00:08:11,126 --> 00:08:12,210 Delightful. 209 00:08:13,920 --> 00:08:14,880 Judge Ito: All right, Mr. Simpson, would you 210 00:08:14,963 --> 00:08:16,464 please stand and face the jury? 211 00:08:16,798 --> 00:08:19,468 Oh, my God, I think they're about to announce the verdict. 212 00:08:19,551 --> 00:08:21,386 jury foreman: We, the jury in the above-entitled action, 213 00:08:21,469 --> 00:08:23,555 find the defendant, Orenthal James Simpson, 214 00:08:23,638 --> 00:08:25,307 not guilty of the crime of murder. 215 00:08:25,390 --> 00:08:27,351 Holy shit. He got away with it. 216 00:08:27,434 --> 00:08:29,811 Well, that was a year and a half of our lives. 217 00:08:29,894 --> 00:08:33,023 Oh, this is very, very bad. 218 00:08:33,106 --> 00:08:34,650 Well, at least it might finally teach 219 00:08:34,733 --> 00:08:35,984 the LAPD a lesson. 220 00:08:36,067 --> 00:08:38,987 Matty's always talkin' about how guilty O.J. is. 221 00:08:39,070 --> 00:08:41,740 If he finds out about this, he'll get so angry 222 00:08:41,823 --> 00:08:43,325 it could kill him. 223 00:08:43,408 --> 00:08:46,077 Making him O.J.'s third victim. 224 00:08:53,334 --> 00:08:56,630 Matty will be up soon. How do we tell him about O.J.? 225 00:08:56,713 --> 00:08:58,423 Oh, let's tell him Johnny's gay. 226 00:08:58,506 --> 00:09:00,592 When he finds out it's not true, he'll be so relieved 227 00:09:00,675 --> 00:09:02,094 he won't even care about O.J. 228 00:09:02,177 --> 00:09:03,303 That's a stupid plan. 229 00:09:03,386 --> 00:09:04,596 Well, it's worth a try. 230 00:09:04,679 --> 00:09:05,764 Now, we're gonna need rollerblades, 231 00:09:05,847 --> 00:09:07,266 bicycle shorts, and some ice cream 232 00:09:07,349 --> 00:09:08,267 to get angry at. 233 00:09:08,350 --> 00:09:09,476 What does that mean? 234 00:09:09,559 --> 00:09:10,477 Well, because the ice cream 235 00:09:10,560 --> 00:09:11,603 wants you to eat it, 236 00:09:11,686 --> 00:09:13,272 but you gotta keep your body lean 237 00:09:13,355 --> 00:09:14,356 for shenanigans. 238 00:09:15,023 --> 00:09:16,232 What if we don't tell him? 239 00:09:16,775 --> 00:09:18,110 - What? - He's stuck in bed. 240 00:09:18,193 --> 00:09:19,027 He'll never know. 241 00:09:19,110 --> 00:09:19,861 Yes, he will. 242 00:09:19,944 --> 00:09:21,029 There's a TV up there. 243 00:09:21,112 --> 00:09:22,447 It's a Zenith. 244 00:09:22,530 --> 00:09:24,283 We can cut the wires and tell him the cable's out. 245 00:09:24,366 --> 00:09:26,118 - What, forever? - No. Not forever. 246 00:09:26,201 --> 00:09:28,203 Just till he's better and he can handle the news. 247 00:09:28,286 --> 00:09:30,539 - That could work. - Are you serious? 248 00:09:30,622 --> 00:09:32,291 Blaire, you heard the doctor. 249 00:09:32,374 --> 00:09:33,959 If he gets pissed off, it'll kill him. 250 00:09:34,042 --> 00:09:37,713 Oh, I can't lose my Matty. What would I do without him? 251 00:09:37,796 --> 00:09:38,797 Thrive. 252 00:09:38,880 --> 00:09:40,632 I feel like this is all my fault. 253 00:09:41,466 --> 00:09:43,010 Dad would have never had that heart attack 254 00:09:43,093 --> 00:09:45,553 if he hadn't been so upset about me bein' lazy. 255 00:09:46,388 --> 00:09:47,972 Blaire, we gotta do this. 256 00:09:49,557 --> 00:09:51,018 Fine. 257 00:09:51,101 --> 00:09:52,811 It's not all your fault, Johnny. 258 00:09:52,894 --> 00:09:55,647 I've seen him put a scoop of Crisco on an ice cream cone. 259 00:09:55,730 --> 00:09:57,774 He does love his Cris-cones. 260 00:09:58,233 --> 00:09:59,233 Mm. 261 00:10:22,924 --> 00:10:24,300 Goddammit! 262 00:10:25,468 --> 00:10:26,469 Susan! 263 00:10:27,429 --> 00:10:29,056 Matty, what's the matter? 264 00:10:29,139 --> 00:10:31,266 Something wrong with the TV. I can't get shit. 265 00:10:31,349 --> 00:10:33,685 Oh, yeah. The, uh, the cable company called. 266 00:10:33,768 --> 00:10:35,354 They said it's gonna be out for at least a week. 267 00:10:35,437 --> 00:10:36,772 Why don't you read a book? 268 00:10:36,855 --> 00:10:38,106 What am I, a woman? 269 00:10:38,481 --> 00:10:40,192 - Uh… - Guys are nurses, 270 00:10:40,275 --> 00:10:41,360 men reading books. 271 00:10:41,443 --> 00:10:42,611 Janet Reno. 272 00:10:42,694 --> 00:10:44,196 What the fuck is goin' on with the world? 273 00:10:44,279 --> 00:10:45,364 Matty, don't get upset. 274 00:10:45,447 --> 00:10:48,200 Remember, the doctor said to keep calm. 275 00:10:48,283 --> 00:10:49,701 I wanna watch the news. 276 00:10:49,784 --> 00:10:51,953 The O.J. verdict's gotta be out by now. 277 00:10:52,537 --> 00:10:54,414 You know what? I'll call Trammel's. 278 00:10:54,497 --> 00:10:55,874 Maybe somebody's heard something. 279 00:10:55,957 --> 00:10:57,333 He's guilty! 280 00:10:57,792 --> 00:10:59,044 - What? - Yeah, Dad. 281 00:10:59,127 --> 00:11:00,963 O.J. was found guilty, just like you were hopin'. 282 00:11:01,046 --> 00:11:02,589 So there's no reason to be upset. 283 00:11:02,672 --> 00:11:04,340 Why the hell didn't you guys tell me? 284 00:11:04,841 --> 00:11:09,388 I was… gonna tell you after you filled your bedpan. 285 00:11:09,471 --> 00:11:10,931 As a reward. 286 00:11:11,014 --> 00:11:15,018 Oh! Oh, man. 287 00:11:15,518 --> 00:11:17,229 Oh, I… I wish I could have seen 288 00:11:17,312 --> 00:11:18,605 the look on O.J.'s face 289 00:11:18,688 --> 00:11:19,982 when they read that verdict. 290 00:11:20,065 --> 00:11:22,484 See, Blaire, even your black jury agrees 291 00:11:22,567 --> 00:11:24,653 with me about the cops. 292 00:11:24,736 --> 00:11:26,822 You gotta feel pretty fucking stupid right now. 293 00:11:26,905 --> 00:11:30,242 Oh, I… feel stupid. 294 00:11:30,325 --> 00:11:33,412 Man, I can't wait to read about this in tomorrow's paper. 295 00:11:33,495 --> 00:11:34,579 - What? - Yeah. 296 00:11:34,662 --> 00:11:36,081 Bring it to me first thing in the mornin'. 297 00:11:36,164 --> 00:11:38,417 You know what? They, they might not even cover it. 298 00:11:38,500 --> 00:11:39,751 Of course they're gonna cover it. 299 00:11:39,834 --> 00:11:41,586 It's the biggest news story of the year. 300 00:11:41,669 --> 00:11:43,255 Right. There's no gettin' around that. 301 00:11:43,338 --> 00:11:45,965 In the meantime, I can just listen to the news on the radio. 302 00:11:48,510 --> 00:11:51,721 - Oops. - Oh, butterfingers. 303 00:11:53,181 --> 00:11:55,684 It's like he-he's got butter 304 00:11:55,767 --> 00:11:57,519 on, all over your fingers, 305 00:11:58,186 --> 00:11:59,229 with what just happened. 306 00:12:00,188 --> 00:12:01,273 Right? 307 00:12:01,356 --> 00:12:03,274 Go wash your fingers. Huh? 308 00:12:04,359 --> 00:12:05,527 Go wash your fingers. 309 00:12:11,032 --> 00:12:12,784 Well, we're already back in fuckin' school. 310 00:12:12,867 --> 00:12:14,286 - That didn't take long. - Yeah. 311 00:12:14,369 --> 00:12:16,622 I can't believe how easy it was to break into this place. 312 00:12:16,705 --> 00:12:18,624 Yeah, probably be easy to come in, 313 00:12:18,707 --> 00:12:20,459 set a bunch of explosives, kill everybody. 314 00:12:20,542 --> 00:12:22,377 Jesus fuckin' Christ, Teddy! 315 00:12:22,460 --> 00:12:23,712 What? I'm sayin' it's a flaw. 316 00:12:23,795 --> 00:12:25,130 I'm-I'm pointin' it out. I'm helping. 317 00:12:25,213 --> 00:12:26,381 Seriously, what the fuck is… 318 00:12:26,464 --> 00:12:28,216 Oh, come on, Johnny, you know I'm a good guy. 319 00:12:28,299 --> 00:12:30,051 You've seen my manifesto. 320 00:12:36,391 --> 00:12:38,310 Ah, sweet. They got everything we need. 321 00:12:38,393 --> 00:12:41,188 - We sure we can pull this off? - Oh, totally. 322 00:12:41,271 --> 00:12:43,190 How hard could it be to make a fake newspaper? 323 00:12:43,273 --> 00:12:45,484 I mean, it's just a big headline that says "O.J. Guilty" 324 00:12:45,567 --> 00:12:47,653 and then a bunch of bullshit about how justice was served. 325 00:12:47,736 --> 00:12:49,154 Johnny, there's more to a paper 326 00:12:49,237 --> 00:12:50,155 than one article. 327 00:12:50,238 --> 00:12:51,698 Real papers have sports sections 328 00:12:51,781 --> 00:12:54,201 and restaurant reviews and comics and Jumble, 329 00:12:54,284 --> 00:12:56,328 that scrambled word game that's no fun 330 00:12:56,411 --> 00:12:57,996 and way harder than you think it'll be. 331 00:12:58,079 --> 00:12:59,414 Shit. You're right. 332 00:12:59,497 --> 00:13:01,333 - We got a lot of work to do. - Exactly. 333 00:13:01,416 --> 00:13:02,834 Now, we got a long night ahead of us. 334 00:13:02,917 --> 00:13:04,711 I want 500 words on the Big Dig. 335 00:13:04,794 --> 00:13:06,713 And where's the girl with my egg salad sandwich? 336 00:13:06,796 --> 00:13:07,797 Right away, Queef. 337 00:13:10,925 --> 00:13:12,469 All right. Let's keep my dad from dying. 338 00:13:19,809 --> 00:13:21,895 Hey, Dad. How you doin'? 339 00:13:21,978 --> 00:13:23,188 Bored as shit. 340 00:13:23,271 --> 00:13:24,856 Well, get ready to cheer up, 341 00:13:24,939 --> 00:13:26,524 'cause here's today's paper. 342 00:13:28,109 --> 00:13:29,361 A little thinner than usual. 343 00:13:29,444 --> 00:13:31,071 Oh, uh… 344 00:13:31,154 --> 00:13:33,240 well, the newspaper people were probably so focused 345 00:13:33,323 --> 00:13:36,034 on the main part that they ran out of time for the other stuff. 346 00:13:36,117 --> 00:13:37,869 Or maybe someone was goofin' off, 347 00:13:37,952 --> 00:13:39,538 accidentally unplugged the computer, 348 00:13:39,621 --> 00:13:41,039 and they lost hours of work. 349 00:13:41,122 --> 00:13:43,083 Well, maybe that person needed to blow off some steam 350 00:13:43,166 --> 00:13:44,918 because his editor was ridin' him so hard. 351 00:13:45,001 --> 00:13:47,879 Maybe the editor resents having to hire the owner's nephew. 352 00:13:47,962 --> 00:13:50,632 Well, maybe that writer hasn't seen his kid in fuckin' weeks 353 00:13:50,715 --> 00:13:52,718 because the editor is such a goddamn slave driver! 354 00:13:52,801 --> 00:13:54,761 Maybe this city's full of promising young journalists 355 00:13:54,844 --> 00:13:56,722 who'd be happy to take his fuckin' seat in a second! 356 00:13:56,805 --> 00:13:58,473 Maybe suck a dick or two along the way. 357 00:14:00,058 --> 00:14:02,227 Look at this, huh? Ha ha! 358 00:14:02,310 --> 00:14:04,313 "Simpson was found guilty of murdering 359 00:14:04,396 --> 00:14:07,733 "a blonde lady and another guy because he totally did it, 360 00:14:07,816 --> 00:14:09,984 "and anyone that thinks different is an idiot." 361 00:14:10,318 --> 00:14:11,570 Just like I've been sayin'. 362 00:14:11,653 --> 00:14:13,447 Yeah, almost word for word. 363 00:14:13,530 --> 00:14:15,323 See what else is happenin', huh? 364 00:14:17,867 --> 00:14:20,870 "Sox Win Makes Yankees Fans Cry." 365 00:14:21,579 --> 00:14:24,249 "UN Declares America Did Win Vietnam." 366 00:14:24,666 --> 00:14:27,419 Finally, a good news day. And look at this. 367 00:14:27,502 --> 00:14:29,963 "Jane Fonda Admits 'I'm a piece of shit.'" 368 00:14:30,046 --> 00:14:31,256 If you're lookin' for a chuckle, 369 00:14:31,339 --> 00:14:32,966 maybe check out the comic strip. 370 00:14:33,049 --> 00:14:34,384 Comic strip? 371 00:14:36,720 --> 00:14:38,931 The Galumphs. What's this? 372 00:14:39,014 --> 00:14:41,475 Uh, it's new, but I've been hearing good things. 373 00:14:41,558 --> 00:14:44,102 Apparently it's about a family called the Galumphs 374 00:14:44,185 --> 00:14:46,355 who get into all sorts of mischief 375 00:14:46,438 --> 00:14:48,106 but love each other at the end of the day. 376 00:14:48,189 --> 00:14:49,608 It's not drawn too good. 377 00:14:49,691 --> 00:14:50,817 Yeah, it's not supposed to be slick. 378 00:14:50,900 --> 00:14:51,985 That's part of the charm. 379 00:14:53,361 --> 00:14:55,280 He, he brought a… He brought a beach chair 380 00:14:55,363 --> 00:14:56,489 to the DMV. 381 00:14:57,782 --> 00:14:59,493 He knows he's gonna be there all day. 382 00:14:59,576 --> 00:15:00,827 Classic Galumphs. 383 00:15:00,910 --> 00:15:02,329 All right, we'll leave you to it. 384 00:15:02,412 --> 00:15:04,456 Enjoy that article about Clinton's hemorrhoids. 385 00:15:04,539 --> 00:15:07,042 Hey, don't forget to bring me tomorrow's newspaper too. 386 00:15:07,542 --> 00:15:08,293 Tomorrow? 387 00:15:08,376 --> 00:15:09,795 Yeah, I'm sure they'll have 388 00:15:09,878 --> 00:15:11,171 all the sections by then. 389 00:15:11,254 --> 00:15:13,548 I wanna know what these Galumphs get up to next. 390 00:15:14,132 --> 00:15:15,258 Yeah, me too. 391 00:15:15,717 --> 00:15:16,885 We're gonna need some help. 392 00:15:22,557 --> 00:15:25,393 All right, here's the headline for tomorrow's paper. 393 00:15:25,769 --> 00:15:27,229 "Forty Minutes on Toilet 394 00:15:27,312 --> 00:15:29,856 Equal to Running Two Miles." Oh, this is terrific. 395 00:15:29,939 --> 00:15:31,525 Blaire, how's the business section coming? 396 00:15:31,608 --> 00:15:34,903 I just finished a piece on gender-based pay discrepancy. 397 00:15:35,236 --> 00:15:37,072 Are you fuckin' crazy? I can't print this. 398 00:15:37,155 --> 00:15:40,075 It's all true. Women make 72 cents on the dollar. 399 00:15:40,158 --> 00:15:41,410 I don't give a shit about the truth. 400 00:15:41,493 --> 00:15:42,911 We're tryin' to keep Matty alive. 401 00:15:42,994 --> 00:15:45,497 So we're just gonna create a bubble around him 402 00:15:45,580 --> 00:15:46,999 where all he ever hears is news 403 00:15:47,082 --> 00:15:49,042 that reinforces his warped worldview? 404 00:15:49,125 --> 00:15:51,169 - Pretty much. - Give me something I can use. 405 00:15:51,252 --> 00:15:54,339 Like "Scientists Prove Women Worse Drivers" 406 00:15:54,422 --> 00:15:57,509 or "Tipping With Change is More than Enough." 407 00:15:57,592 --> 00:15:59,177 Why can't one of you guys do it? 408 00:15:59,260 --> 00:16:01,013 No. I'm working on a huge story. 409 00:16:01,096 --> 00:16:03,181 "There's No Reason to Turn the Heat On." 410 00:16:03,264 --> 00:16:05,267 And I still gotta figure out tomorrow's Galumphs. 411 00:16:05,350 --> 00:16:06,602 Okay, how about this? 412 00:16:06,685 --> 00:16:08,103 Gary Galumph tells his wife 413 00:16:08,186 --> 00:16:10,105 to get all gussied up for a fancy dinner, 414 00:16:10,188 --> 00:16:11,690 and then he takes her to the grocery store 415 00:16:11,773 --> 00:16:13,191 to fill up on free samples. 416 00:16:13,274 --> 00:16:15,527 I'm smiling, but I'm not laughing yet. 417 00:16:15,610 --> 00:16:17,571 Okay. Uh, is this anything? 418 00:16:17,654 --> 00:16:19,114 Gary Galumph is on the treadmill, 419 00:16:19,197 --> 00:16:21,867 and then we cut wider to reveal that he's on roller skates. 420 00:16:21,950 --> 00:16:23,243 Yeah, they did something similar 421 00:16:23,326 --> 00:16:24,745 in yesterday's Wizard of Id. 422 00:16:24,828 --> 00:16:26,204 All right. Uh… 423 00:16:26,287 --> 00:16:29,249 Gladys Galumph becomes a health inspector for the city, 424 00:16:29,332 --> 00:16:31,251 and she finds a cockroach in the kitchen 425 00:16:31,334 --> 00:16:32,419 at one of the restaurants. 426 00:16:32,502 --> 00:16:33,920 And before she can shut the place down, 427 00:16:34,003 --> 00:16:36,381 the cockroach says, "Excuse me, ma'am, I'm the owner." 428 00:16:36,464 --> 00:16:39,217 Yes, yes, yes. Draw, draw, draw. 429 00:16:39,300 --> 00:16:40,427 Fuck, draw. 430 00:16:48,059 --> 00:16:51,104 Well, someone's feelin' better. 431 00:16:51,187 --> 00:16:52,606 Look at this. Look at this. 432 00:16:52,689 --> 00:16:54,775 "Hillary Clinton Spotted at Urinal." 433 00:16:54,858 --> 00:16:56,068 I fuckin' knew it! 434 00:16:56,151 --> 00:16:57,903 Hey, Dad, did you see today's Galumphs? 435 00:16:57,986 --> 00:17:00,113 Oh, the best one so far. 436 00:17:00,196 --> 00:17:03,075 I-I'll tell you, any time a dog wears sunglasses, 437 00:17:03,158 --> 00:17:04,743 you got my attention. 438 00:17:04,826 --> 00:17:06,662 I don't think I've ever seen you smile, 439 00:17:06,745 --> 00:17:09,081 but not quite laugh, so much. 440 00:17:09,164 --> 00:17:11,083 Well, the world finally makes sense, Susan. 441 00:17:11,166 --> 00:17:14,920 O.J. got what he deserved. The Sox are on a winning streak. 442 00:17:15,003 --> 00:17:16,171 You know, the only, the only problem is 443 00:17:16,254 --> 00:17:17,923 the damn cable's still out. 444 00:17:18,006 --> 00:17:18,757 Fuck it. 445 00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:19,800 I'm gonna call, 446 00:17:19,883 --> 00:17:21,176 see what's taking 'em so long. 447 00:17:21,259 --> 00:17:22,970 Uh, oh, wait, uh, no, actually 448 00:17:23,053 --> 00:17:24,846 you don't have to do that because… 449 00:17:24,929 --> 00:17:26,598 they're coming by tomorrow. 450 00:17:26,681 --> 00:17:27,849 Finally. 451 00:17:30,435 --> 00:17:33,272 John, if we fix the cable, he's gonna find out about O.J. 452 00:17:33,355 --> 00:17:35,106 Well, what if we make our own news? 453 00:17:35,398 --> 00:17:36,441 - Huh? - We got all that 454 00:17:36,524 --> 00:17:37,484 video equipment at school. 455 00:17:37,567 --> 00:17:39,027 We just need to find an actor. 456 00:17:39,527 --> 00:17:42,197 Sadly, we know one. 457 00:17:44,866 --> 00:17:45,866 Come in. 458 00:17:48,286 --> 00:17:49,621 What do you two want? 459 00:17:49,704 --> 00:17:51,999 Here's something you probably never heard before. 460 00:17:52,082 --> 00:17:54,042 We'd like to hire you again. 461 00:17:57,879 --> 00:17:58,964 Well, look, I'd love to help you out, 462 00:17:59,047 --> 00:18:00,966 but I have a strict rule against sequels. 463 00:18:01,049 --> 00:18:02,843 - Oh, do you? - Yeah, I do. 464 00:18:02,926 --> 00:18:05,137 I hate seeing actors like Harrison Ford, Pacino, 465 00:18:05,220 --> 00:18:06,513 guys not without talent, 466 00:18:06,596 --> 00:18:08,307 throwing it all away for a quick buck. 467 00:18:08,390 --> 00:18:09,683 - This is not a… level. - Yeah. No. 468 00:18:09,766 --> 00:18:11,059 - This is something much simpler. - It's not like that. 469 00:18:11,142 --> 00:18:12,144 - It's a, it's a new role. - Yeah. 470 00:18:12,227 --> 00:18:13,228 It's a newscaster. 471 00:18:13,895 --> 00:18:14,895 Go on. 472 00:18:15,146 --> 00:18:16,189 - That's sorta it. - Yeah, that's it. 473 00:18:16,272 --> 00:18:17,982 - Yeah. - Yeah. That's the role. 474 00:18:19,609 --> 00:18:23,988 Uh, could this newscaster have a son, uh, in the hospital? 475 00:18:24,823 --> 00:18:27,034 - Uh, yeah. Sure. - Uh… I mean, I guess. 476 00:18:27,117 --> 00:18:29,161 That's why his job means so much to him. 477 00:18:29,244 --> 00:18:30,412 Watching the news is the only way 478 00:18:30,495 --> 00:18:32,331 his bedridden son can feel connected 479 00:18:32,414 --> 00:18:33,832 to the outside world. 480 00:18:33,915 --> 00:18:35,250 With the comforting face of his father 481 00:18:35,333 --> 00:18:36,668 as a beacon in the dark. 482 00:18:36,751 --> 00:18:37,711 Yeah, we don't really need, uh… 483 00:18:37,794 --> 00:18:38,879 You know what? 484 00:18:38,962 --> 00:18:40,589 I could play the son in a flash forward. 485 00:18:40,672 --> 00:18:41,840 Yeah, we're not makin' a movie here. 486 00:18:41,923 --> 00:18:43,550 And I feel like we need to be daring. 487 00:18:43,633 --> 00:18:46,428 This-this newscaster's grappling with his own sexuality, 488 00:18:46,511 --> 00:18:48,180 and as a result, he's never been able 489 00:18:48,263 --> 00:18:50,182 to have an authentic moment with his son. 490 00:18:50,265 --> 00:18:51,600 And now it might be too late. 491 00:18:51,683 --> 00:18:52,601 Right. 492 00:18:52,684 --> 00:18:53,685 Because of the cancer. 493 00:18:53,768 --> 00:18:55,020 Oh, my God. 494 00:18:55,103 --> 00:18:56,855 I mean, this is how people win Oscars. 495 00:18:56,938 --> 00:18:58,357 - Bingo. - Hey, hey, hey, hey. 496 00:18:58,440 --> 00:18:59,440 The fuck are you doing? 497 00:18:59,649 --> 00:19:01,276 - What? - Don't encourage this. 498 00:19:01,359 --> 00:19:03,528 And the sex scene should be, uh, ambiguous. 499 00:19:03,611 --> 00:19:05,364 I mean, sex to him is a rubicon. 500 00:19:05,447 --> 00:19:07,199 I want the sex scenes to raise questions, 501 00:19:07,282 --> 00:19:09,534 - but provide no answers. - Yeah, this is getting kinda… 502 00:19:09,617 --> 00:19:11,370 I'm willing to have sex on camera. 503 00:19:11,453 --> 00:19:12,871 Okay, look, there's also another role 504 00:19:12,954 --> 00:19:13,789 we need you to play. 505 00:19:13,872 --> 00:19:15,040 Dual roles? 506 00:19:15,123 --> 00:19:16,083 Oh, wow. I'm loving this. 507 00:19:16,166 --> 00:19:17,626 What's the other part? 508 00:19:17,709 --> 00:19:20,629 It's a cable guy who comes to the house to fix the cable. 509 00:19:20,712 --> 00:19:23,048 Could I, uh, could I pitch you something? 510 00:19:23,131 --> 00:19:24,049 Sure. 511 00:19:24,132 --> 00:19:25,467 - You ready? - Yeah. 512 00:19:25,550 --> 00:19:27,219 - He's retarded. - No. 513 00:19:27,302 --> 00:19:28,428 - Oh, yeah. - No. 514 00:19:28,511 --> 00:19:30,389 He's full-blown, one wheel in the sand. 515 00:19:30,472 --> 00:19:31,973 Doesn't help us at all. 516 00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:34,768 Okay, now remember, just put the tape in the VCR 517 00:19:34,851 --> 00:19:36,061 and pretend to fix the cable. 518 00:19:36,144 --> 00:19:37,562 Sure thing, guv'nor. 519 00:19:37,645 --> 00:19:39,273 I just moved here from old Blighty, 520 00:19:39,356 --> 00:19:40,565 lookin' to start a new life. 521 00:19:40,648 --> 00:19:42,401 No, no. No, no, no. We talked about this. 522 00:19:42,484 --> 00:19:43,651 Just get in the fuckin' house. 523 00:19:47,197 --> 00:19:48,656 And no limps! 524 00:19:49,866 --> 00:19:51,618 Hey, Dad. 525 00:19:51,701 --> 00:19:53,536 Look who we just ran into out on the steps. 526 00:19:53,870 --> 00:19:55,247 It's the cable guy. 527 00:19:55,330 --> 00:19:58,417 Oh, about goddamn time. Can you fix the cable? 528 00:19:58,500 --> 00:20:00,127 Yeah, blood, I can fix the cable. 529 00:20:00,210 --> 00:20:01,836 No, no. Get the fuck to work. 530 00:20:04,089 --> 00:20:06,383 Anythin', uh, good in the paper today? 531 00:20:06,925 --> 00:20:08,760 Kangaroos are fake. 532 00:20:08,843 --> 00:20:09,761 Fuckin' called it. 533 00:20:09,844 --> 00:20:11,513 What? No, they're not. 534 00:20:11,596 --> 00:20:13,432 Olivia Newton-John admitted it. 535 00:20:13,515 --> 00:20:15,100 Educate yourself, Blaire. 536 00:20:15,183 --> 00:20:17,269 Fuckin' A. 537 00:20:17,352 --> 00:20:18,770 The world's finally gettin' good, 538 00:20:18,853 --> 00:20:20,606 and I'm stuck at home. 539 00:20:20,689 --> 00:20:21,857 Maybe I should go for a walk. 540 00:20:21,940 --> 00:20:23,859 - Oh, no, no. - No! No, no. Home is better. 541 00:20:23,942 --> 00:20:25,944 Okay. All finished. 542 00:20:26,027 --> 00:20:27,529 Wow, that was fast. 543 00:20:27,612 --> 00:20:30,699 Guess I'll go, uh, turn on the TV. 544 00:20:33,868 --> 00:20:34,786 Good evening. 545 00:20:34,869 --> 00:20:36,121 I'm Chad Farnsworth, 546 00:20:36,204 --> 00:20:38,624 and this is your world. 547 00:20:38,707 --> 00:20:39,625 Who the hell is this? 548 00:20:39,708 --> 00:20:41,126 I've never seen this guy before. 549 00:20:41,209 --> 00:20:42,794 He seems complicated. 550 00:20:42,877 --> 00:20:46,173 Our top story, O.J. Simpson is still behind bars, 551 00:20:46,256 --> 00:20:47,633 where reportedly… 552 00:20:47,716 --> 00:20:48,800 …he cries himself 553 00:20:48,883 --> 00:20:50,218 to sleep each night. 554 00:20:50,301 --> 00:20:51,178 Fuckin' yes! 555 00:20:51,261 --> 00:20:52,888 Asked if reopening Alcatraz 556 00:20:52,971 --> 00:20:54,306 is a little extreme, 557 00:20:54,389 --> 00:20:55,724 the California governor said, 558 00:20:55,807 --> 00:20:57,351 "Not for this monster." 559 00:20:57,434 --> 00:20:58,477 Amen. 560 00:20:58,560 --> 00:21:00,187 And now let's check in 561 00:21:00,270 --> 00:21:02,856 with our weather girl, Haley Snowden. 562 00:21:02,939 --> 00:21:04,816 Haley, uh, what's the weather forecast 563 00:21:04,899 --> 00:21:05,984 for the weekend look like? 564 00:21:06,067 --> 00:21:08,236 Oh, not so good, Chad… 565 00:21:08,319 --> 00:21:10,238 …unless you're a duck. 566 00:21:10,321 --> 00:21:12,907 Good one, Haley. 567 00:21:14,242 --> 00:21:17,162 Uh, we're sleeping together. I can't keep my hands off her. 568 00:21:17,245 --> 00:21:18,997 Not even at work. 569 00:21:20,498 --> 00:21:21,583 Oh, yeah. 570 00:21:22,083 --> 00:21:24,336 Oh, my gosh. 571 00:21:24,419 --> 00:21:26,546 I haven't felt like this since my wife died. 572 00:21:26,629 --> 00:21:27,923 Mm! Ohh! 573 00:21:28,006 --> 00:21:29,966 Okay, that's enough of that. 574 00:21:33,261 --> 00:21:34,513 We're fucked. 575 00:21:34,596 --> 00:21:36,848 Dad's gonna be expecting another newscast tomorrow. 576 00:21:36,931 --> 00:21:38,767 Well, that's our life now, Johnny. 577 00:21:38,850 --> 00:21:41,144 Preparing a daily paper and nightly news. 578 00:21:41,519 --> 00:21:43,689 We are a two-man media empire. 579 00:21:43,772 --> 00:21:45,190 Oh, and by the way, I fired Blaire. 580 00:21:45,273 --> 00:21:46,274 She's suing us. 581 00:21:46,691 --> 00:21:47,776 Have you boys seen Matty? 582 00:21:48,276 --> 00:21:50,612 He's not in the bedroom, and I can't find him anywhere. 583 00:21:50,695 --> 00:21:51,780 No. 584 00:21:55,283 --> 00:21:57,202 He-he's not in the garage or the basement. 585 00:21:57,285 --> 00:22:00,372 His coat's gone, but the car is still here. 586 00:22:00,455 --> 00:22:01,790 He-he must have gone for a walk. 587 00:22:02,207 --> 00:22:04,209 Oh, shit. He's out in the world. 588 00:22:04,292 --> 00:22:06,795 He could learn the truth and have another heart attack. 589 00:22:10,340 --> 00:22:12,551 Hey, how about those fuckin' fake kangaroos, huh? 590 00:22:12,634 --> 00:22:13,802 What? 591 00:22:28,274 --> 00:22:30,485 - reporter: Excuse me, sir? - Yeah? 592 00:22:30,568 --> 00:22:32,279 Sir, we're doing a man-on-the-street interview 593 00:22:32,362 --> 00:22:33,488 for Channel Six News. 594 00:22:33,571 --> 00:22:34,906 Would you be willing to give your opinion? 595 00:22:35,281 --> 00:22:36,281 Always. 596 00:22:36,741 --> 00:22:39,119 We're wondering how you feel about the O.J. verdict. 597 00:22:39,202 --> 00:22:40,287 Oh, I love it. 598 00:22:40,370 --> 00:22:41,955 Makes me proud to be an American. 599 00:22:42,038 --> 00:22:43,790 - Really? - Absolutely. 600 00:22:43,873 --> 00:22:45,500 I-I would have done the exact same thing 601 00:22:45,583 --> 00:22:46,960 if I was on that jury. 602 00:22:47,043 --> 00:22:48,170 What about those who say 603 00:22:48,253 --> 00:22:50,130 the verdict was racially motivated? 604 00:22:50,213 --> 00:22:51,131 Bullshit. 605 00:22:51,214 --> 00:22:52,466 As far as I'm concerned, 606 00:22:52,549 --> 00:22:54,801 O.J. is getting exactly what he deserves. 607 00:22:54,884 --> 00:22:56,720 Okay, well, thank you for your time. 608 00:22:57,262 --> 00:22:59,222 Hey, can you believe your weather lady's 609 00:22:59,305 --> 00:23:00,974 fuckin' the anchor? 610 00:23:08,064 --> 00:23:10,525 Hey, Matty. Ain't seen you in a few days. 611 00:23:10,608 --> 00:23:13,195 - What you been up to? - Uh, I had a heart attack. Yeah. 612 00:23:13,278 --> 00:23:15,322 They had to put a fuckin' stent in my artery. 613 00:23:15,405 --> 00:23:17,324 Oh, yeah? I got one of those. 614 00:23:17,407 --> 00:23:19,368 Yeah, I'm mostly stent at this point. 615 00:23:19,451 --> 00:23:21,161 - They give you last rites? - No. 616 00:23:21,244 --> 00:23:23,038 Oh, then don't fuckin' bore me. 617 00:23:23,121 --> 00:23:26,249 Hey, how about that O.J. verdict, huh? 618 00:23:26,332 --> 00:23:28,877 Oh, don't remind me. I'm still pissed off about it. 619 00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:31,171 Why? For once they got it right. 620 00:23:31,254 --> 00:23:32,589 Are you shittin' me? 621 00:23:32,672 --> 00:23:33,757 The whole thing was rigged. 622 00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:35,384 Well, maybe a little. 623 00:23:35,467 --> 00:23:37,344 But, you know, sometimes you gotta put your thumb 624 00:23:37,427 --> 00:23:40,180 on the scales of justice just to make sure things turn out fair. 625 00:23:40,263 --> 00:23:42,849 Justice? You don't know what you're fuckin' talkin' about. 626 00:23:42,932 --> 00:23:43,850 The hell I don't. 627 00:23:43,933 --> 00:23:44,726 Hey, hey. 628 00:23:44,809 --> 00:23:46,228 I got other customers here, huh? 629 00:23:46,311 --> 00:23:49,189 Yeah, you're right. We shouldn't be bickering. 630 00:23:49,272 --> 00:23:50,440 We, we sound like 631 00:23:50,523 --> 00:23:52,609 Gary and Gladys Galumph. 632 00:23:53,026 --> 00:23:54,026 Who? 633 00:23:54,444 --> 00:23:55,445 From the comic strip. 634 00:23:55,528 --> 00:23:56,696 Never heard of it. 635 00:23:57,447 --> 00:23:58,740 It's in the paper every day. 636 00:23:58,823 --> 00:24:00,784 I think they put that stent in your fuckin' brain. 637 00:24:01,159 --> 00:24:03,620 The… the fuckin' Galumphs! Jesus Christ. 638 00:24:03,703 --> 00:24:06,707 You know, "Oh, Gladys, my achin' back." The Galumphs! 639 00:24:06,790 --> 00:24:08,583 I don't know what the fuck you're talkin' about! 640 00:24:08,666 --> 00:24:10,377 They're making a movie with Rosie O'Donnell. 641 00:24:10,460 --> 00:24:12,713 Oh, Matty, thank God. There you are. 642 00:24:12,796 --> 00:24:14,798 Dad, we were lookin' all over for you. 643 00:24:14,881 --> 00:24:16,967 Honey, you gotta come home. You need your rest. 644 00:24:17,050 --> 00:24:18,719 I don't wanna go. I just got my beer. 645 00:24:18,802 --> 00:24:19,886 You gotta get him outta here, Susan. 646 00:24:19,969 --> 00:24:21,263 He's talkin' fuckin' crazy. 647 00:24:21,346 --> 00:24:22,222 - Come on, Matty. - I'm talking… 648 00:24:22,305 --> 00:24:23,473 - Let's go. - He's fuckin' crazy! 649 00:24:23,556 --> 00:24:25,100 He's never heard of the fuckin' Galumphs! 650 00:24:25,183 --> 00:24:26,893 There ain't no Galumphs, asshole! 651 00:24:26,976 --> 00:24:29,146 You wouldn't know! You don't fuckin' read, you dumb fuck! 652 00:24:29,229 --> 00:24:32,065 I read Garfield like a regular fuckin' human being, fuckface! 653 00:24:32,148 --> 00:24:33,609 Fuck Garfield and fuck you! 654 00:24:33,692 --> 00:24:35,569 You should have been a fuckin' blowjob, asshole! 655 00:24:35,652 --> 00:24:37,904 Why don't you go shit in another urinal, you drunk fuck? 656 00:24:37,987 --> 00:24:39,030 Get him outta here. 657 00:24:40,198 --> 00:24:41,866 Glad you're doin' better, though. 658 00:24:49,499 --> 00:24:50,500 He's asleep. 659 00:24:50,583 --> 00:24:52,336 Well, that was a close fuckin' call. 660 00:24:52,419 --> 00:24:55,922 You guys, this is insane. We have to tell him the truth. 661 00:24:56,005 --> 00:24:57,466 It's too risky. 662 00:24:57,549 --> 00:24:59,801 Plus, I already started working on tomorrow's Galumphs. 663 00:24:59,884 --> 00:25:02,429 Gary goes as himself for Halloween 'cause of inflation. 664 00:25:02,512 --> 00:25:03,472 Ha! 665 00:25:03,555 --> 00:25:04,431 Maybe we should wait 666 00:25:04,514 --> 00:25:06,099 a little while longer 667 00:25:06,182 --> 00:25:07,935 until he gets his strength back. 668 00:25:08,018 --> 00:25:09,978 No, this is fucking crazy! 669 00:25:10,061 --> 00:25:11,647 He walked to Trammel's. 670 00:25:11,730 --> 00:25:13,690 That's the most exercise he's gotten in years. 671 00:25:13,773 --> 00:25:14,650 He's fine. 672 00:25:14,733 --> 00:25:15,817 He almost got in a fistfight 673 00:25:15,900 --> 00:25:17,819 over fucking Garfield and survived. 674 00:25:17,902 --> 00:25:20,530 But he's enjoying his new life. 675 00:25:20,613 --> 00:25:23,784 Please, Blaire, all we have to do is lie to him forever 676 00:25:23,867 --> 00:25:25,368 and he'll be happy. 677 00:25:33,543 --> 00:25:34,878 Hello? 678 00:25:36,880 --> 00:25:38,757 I-I'm supposed to meet somebody here. 679 00:25:39,424 --> 00:25:40,424 Hello? 680 00:25:41,092 --> 00:25:43,803 I have some information you might want. 681 00:25:44,637 --> 00:25:45,637 Blaire? 682 00:25:45,889 --> 00:25:47,307 Yes. 683 00:25:47,390 --> 00:25:49,059 What the fuck are we doin' here? 684 00:25:49,142 --> 00:25:50,227 Do they know you're gone? 685 00:25:50,310 --> 00:25:52,312 No. I-I climbed out the bathroom window 686 00:25:52,395 --> 00:25:53,188 like the note said. 687 00:25:53,271 --> 00:25:54,606 What the fuck is goin' on? 688 00:25:55,231 --> 00:25:57,150 The rest of the family doesn't want you to see this, 689 00:25:57,233 --> 00:25:59,778 but… I can't keep living a lie. 690 00:26:03,239 --> 00:26:06,159 What's this? Some kinda joke paper? 691 00:26:06,242 --> 00:26:09,454 No, Matty, it's the real newspaper. 692 00:26:10,121 --> 00:26:11,748 O.J. is a free man. 693 00:26:13,333 --> 00:26:15,335 - What? - Read the rest. 694 00:26:18,630 --> 00:26:21,049 It's… it says Cleveland swept the Red Sox 695 00:26:21,132 --> 00:26:22,258 out of the playoffs. 696 00:26:22,592 --> 00:26:24,678 Of course they lost. They're the Red Sox. 697 00:26:24,761 --> 00:26:26,805 - You are fuckin' with me! - Look at the funnies. 698 00:26:28,765 --> 00:26:29,766 Wha… 699 00:26:30,266 --> 00:26:33,353 The Galumphs! Where are the fucking Galumphs? 700 00:26:33,436 --> 00:26:35,814 There are no Galumphs, Matty. 701 00:26:36,523 --> 00:26:37,858 But… 702 00:26:37,941 --> 00:26:40,860 But Hillary Clinton, her dick was real, right? 703 00:26:42,654 --> 00:26:44,823 No, she has a vagina. 704 00:26:52,038 --> 00:26:53,038 Oh, my… 705 00:27:01,631 --> 00:27:03,383 Hey, look, that's the guy from the news. 706 00:27:03,466 --> 00:27:06,386 Hey! Thanks for stickin' up for O.J. 707 00:27:06,469 --> 00:27:07,596 Wh-what? 708 00:27:07,679 --> 00:27:10,473 You're the blackest white man in Boston! 709 00:27:22,569 --> 00:27:25,072 Oh, my God. Um… I-I-I'll call an ambulance. 710 00:27:25,155 --> 00:27:27,407 No. 711 00:27:27,490 --> 00:27:28,825 Let me die. 712 00:27:37,834 --> 00:27:39,419 Oh, Matty. 713 00:27:39,502 --> 00:27:40,921 Thank God you're okay. 714 00:27:41,004 --> 00:27:43,507 - I was so scared. - I'm fine. 715 00:27:43,590 --> 00:27:45,509 I'm actually starting to get used to these heart attacks. 716 00:27:45,592 --> 00:27:46,927 Next one should be a breeze. Aw. 717 00:27:47,010 --> 00:27:49,805 Oh, you're not allowed to have any more heart attacks. 718 00:27:49,888 --> 00:27:52,807 We're gonna have a, a long life together. 719 00:27:54,059 --> 00:27:55,602 I love you, Matty Bennett. 720 00:27:56,019 --> 00:27:57,479 I love you too, Susan. 721 00:27:57,562 --> 00:27:58,938 I'm sorry, Uncle Matty. 722 00:27:59,397 --> 00:28:01,984 I thought telling you the truth was the right thing to do. 723 00:28:02,067 --> 00:28:05,362 I-I didn't realize you were so… entrenched. 724 00:28:05,904 --> 00:28:07,948 Anyways, yeah, I'm-I'm sorry. 725 00:28:08,031 --> 00:28:09,449 No, it's all my fault. 726 00:28:09,532 --> 00:28:12,286 This whole thing started 'cause I'm a freeloadin' fuckup, 727 00:28:12,369 --> 00:28:15,289 and I fucked it up even worse by tricking ya. 728 00:28:15,372 --> 00:28:17,541 I don't blame you for being pissed. 729 00:28:17,624 --> 00:28:18,792 Are you kiddin'? 730 00:28:18,875 --> 00:28:21,545 I'm not pissed. I'm fuckin' impressed. 731 00:28:21,628 --> 00:28:23,547 - What? - Yeah. 732 00:28:23,630 --> 00:28:27,009 You made a whole newspaper every day for a week. 733 00:28:27,092 --> 00:28:29,469 Shit, it was some of the best sports writing 734 00:28:29,552 --> 00:28:30,804 I've read in years. 735 00:28:30,887 --> 00:28:32,472 And, and the news. 736 00:28:32,555 --> 00:28:35,225 Johnny, you created an entire world. 737 00:28:35,308 --> 00:28:36,893 A world I wanna live in. 738 00:28:36,976 --> 00:28:38,979 Where the Red Sox don't suck. 739 00:28:39,062 --> 00:28:41,148 Where Madonna is dead. 740 00:28:41,231 --> 00:28:45,110 And where a white guy in America can finally get a fair shake. 741 00:28:45,568 --> 00:28:46,528 Could I get some morphine? 742 00:28:46,611 --> 00:28:48,530 Sure. I'll join you. 743 00:28:48,613 --> 00:28:50,323 Yeah, it was a lie, but… 744 00:28:51,157 --> 00:28:53,076 it gave me somethin' to believe in. 745 00:28:53,952 --> 00:28:55,578 And if you can do all that… 746 00:28:56,246 --> 00:28:59,166 I know you can do anything you set your mind to. 747 00:28:59,249 --> 00:29:01,001 It was kind of a two-man operation. 748 00:29:01,084 --> 00:29:02,586 So you don't think I'm a fuckup? 749 00:29:02,669 --> 00:29:04,421 You got potential, Johnny. 750 00:29:05,588 --> 00:29:06,923 I'm proud of you. 751 00:29:08,007 --> 00:29:09,426 Thanks, Dad. 752 00:29:20,520 --> 00:29:23,190 Oh, man, it's just startin' to hit me 753 00:29:23,273 --> 00:29:24,566 that high school's really over. 754 00:29:24,649 --> 00:29:26,193 Yeah, there's no denyin' it. 755 00:29:26,276 --> 00:29:29,696 You and I are now responsible adult members of society. 756 00:29:29,779 --> 00:29:31,073 Hand me that bong. 757 00:29:31,156 --> 00:29:33,700 We'll probably end up getting our own place soon. 758 00:29:33,783 --> 00:29:35,535 You think Mom will still come over to, like, 759 00:29:35,618 --> 00:29:37,287 do our laundry and clean up and shit? 760 00:29:37,370 --> 00:29:39,081 Abso-fucking-lutely not. 761 00:29:39,164 --> 00:29:40,248 She's right, Johnny. 762 00:29:40,331 --> 00:29:41,541 We're grown-ups now. 763 00:29:41,624 --> 00:29:43,126 We'll bring the laundry to Susan. 764 00:29:43,209 --> 00:29:46,213 I say we become industrial bigwigs 765 00:29:46,296 --> 00:29:48,215 with an office in the World Trade Center. 766 00:29:48,298 --> 00:29:50,217 Two offices, one in each tower. 767 00:29:50,300 --> 00:29:51,885 And a satellite office in the Pentagon 768 00:29:51,968 --> 00:29:53,720 for all those fat government contracts. 769 00:29:53,803 --> 00:29:55,222 And a summer home for vacations. 770 00:29:55,305 --> 00:29:57,724 I hear they got some great open land in Pennsylvania. 771 00:29:57,807 --> 00:29:59,226 Oh, nothin' will stop us. 772 00:29:59,309 --> 00:30:00,894 I think you guys might need to 773 00:30:00,977 --> 00:30:02,729 lower your expectations a little bit. 774 00:30:02,812 --> 00:30:04,898 Oh, nuh-uh. You heard my dad. 775 00:30:04,981 --> 00:30:07,067 I can do anything I set my mind to. 776 00:30:07,150 --> 00:30:09,069 I can go to college, invent something. 777 00:30:09,152 --> 00:30:10,654 The sky's the limit. 778 00:30:10,737 --> 00:30:13,239 So, what are you gonna do? 779 00:30:23,500 --> 00:30:25,294 You sure this is what you want? 780 00:30:25,377 --> 00:30:27,837 Never been more sure of anything in my life. 781 00:30:29,672 --> 00:30:31,425 I'm gonna get totally ripped. 782 00:30:31,508 --> 00:30:33,760 You mean like a normal level of in-shape? 783 00:30:33,843 --> 00:30:36,263 No. Like, really ripped. 784 00:30:36,346 --> 00:30:39,349 Like, so muscular that people who love me are concerned. 785 00:30:39,432 --> 00:30:41,602 I support you in this endeavor. 786 00:30:41,685 --> 00:30:42,685 Let's go. 787 00:30:44,771 --> 00:30:48,483 And John did indeed get massively swole. 788 00:30:48,566 --> 00:30:50,110 There was a seven-year period 789 00:30:50,193 --> 00:30:52,112 where he never once wore a shirt. 790 00:30:52,195 --> 00:30:55,449 Eventually he married a really cool girl, 791 00:30:55,532 --> 00:30:59,119 but they got divorced and he met another cool girl. 792 00:30:59,202 --> 00:31:01,121 You know what? There are two movies about it. 793 00:31:01,204 --> 00:31:02,372 Just watch them. 794 00:31:02,455 --> 00:31:03,665 Well, the first one, 795 00:31:03,748 --> 00:31:05,292 the second one has funny moments, 796 00:31:05,375 --> 00:31:06,668 most of them in the first half, 797 00:31:06,751 --> 00:31:08,962 but even I can't sit still for the whole thing. 798 00:31:09,045 --> 00:31:12,173 Anyway, here's the end credits.